Hello SSB&P employees. As we approach Q3 together I wanted to give you an update on changes to the org chart, and share some of my concerns. In short, the last 2 months have been amazing in a lot of ways. Under my keen leadership, and Phil’s extensive knowledge of the building from years of leading the maintenance team, we have come out the other side of this fracture thing. The transition team helped in it’s own way, but as some of you might have heard, I’ve made some changes. I’ll get back to that in a moment, but they taught us to break out the carrot before the whip when I was getting my MBA at Harvard, so here it goes.
I’d like to take a brief moment to acknowledge our few successes. Besides the transition team we have only lost 3 individuals since fate offered us another bite at the apple. Not a bad showing considering Phil’s assessment of your basic survival skills. We’ve managed to make some adjustments to the robocallers with Phil’s help. Without getting into the technical details, we can now call other dimensions. Results have been disappointing so far, but coupled with our interdimensional innovator program, we have managed to gather one good lead. Phil’s crew is currently working on the old Veil Ed Write Board in conference room A. He hopes it will be ready for use in the program before the end of the week. That’s it. That is the extent of our achievements, and that is unacceptable.
The transition team was just that. A team to help with our transition. We are no longer in transition. Phil and I did most of the cooking around here, so to speak, so we decided to remove some of the cooks from the kitchen. I’ve transitioned the transition team into what we are calling The Evaluation Board. Starting today, all employees are in a constant state of review, because I don’t think you’re hungry enough.
The employee packs you were provided with when we all agreed to continue our work here talked about drive, commitment, and a craving for success. I just don’t feel it. When I walk down to the mezzanine and look in the suggestion box it’s empty and starving for ideas. When I walk into the cafeteria and see all the smiling faces talking over coffee it makes me sick! We need thoroughbreds chomping at the bit. I fear some of you are headed for the glue factory.
Phil and I have worked tirelessly on organizing this party and nobody has brought a dish to pass.
He suggested at the very beginning that we trim some more fat but I declined because I had faith in you. You have let me down. I don’t understand the attitudes around here.
Half of you walk around with grins on your faces like you’ve accomplished something. What have you done, survived? You survive at the behest of Phil and I. What the hell are you grinning about? Do you really find mediocrity that fulfilling? The other half of you mope around all day talking about your families. Guess what? Your families aren’t real anymore. What are you going to do, go home and talk about your day? Are you going to mow your lawn? Take the kids to the park? They’re gone! Everything is gone! The only thing that matters is your commitment to SSB&P business. Your job is the only thing real now. I’m not sure what group is more pathetic, but I know how to find out.
Everyone knew that Sandy and most of HR didn’t want it bad enough, so I removed them from the party right away. It turned out the transition team didn’t earn a seat at the table either. Now it’s time to see who is eager for a win. I know I am. In addition to cutting our team down by half over
the next week, I am cutting off cafeteria privileges until you’ve earned your keep. I don’t want you hungry. I want you ravenous. You have until the end of the week to impress me. Bread is for winners, and I don’t see any of those around here.
I don’t blame you completely. Part of the problem was the transition team’s low expectations and understanding attitude. The only thing I understand is that adversity breeds greatness. You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, so let’s see who breaks. As always I believe the opportunities I’m offering here are deeper than deep, they are infinite!
