Are You Ready to Live a Happier, More Fulfilled Life?
A recent survey shows that at least one in six Hawaiians experience anxiety and depression during their day, and the problem is even worse on the mainland. Studies show that more than 93 million Americans between 18-85 will experience a mental health issue in their lifetime. Until now, overcoming those problems has meant taking potentially dangerous medications, or costly visits to a healthcare professional. However, the days of lying on a couch and talking about your feelings are over. Thanks to Dispensed-4-Me’s groundbreaking mood assessment and emotional comfort technology, the key to your happiness is just a selection away.
How Does It Work?
Working in conjunction with biometric data from your ceremplant, the Dispensed-4-Me vending machine cycles through numerous options and images, while measuring your micro-expressions and physical responses. Our advanced algorithms then determine the package and items perfect for you, and your mood. We’ve worked side-by-side with mental health professionals to tailor our items for the specific emotional needs of all of our customers.
Can I Really Order Happiness From a Vending Machine?
Convenient, quick, and cheap, the vending machine has satisfied billions since its invention, but until now there was no easy way to get an emotional boost in a hurry. Well, now you can! Dispensed-4-Me machines can detect a wide variety of emotions, and will dispense a package containing items specially designed to help you work through whatever you’re struggling with, or celebrate your accomplishments.
What Are Others Saying About This Technology?
The media coverage has been overwhelming, and the Dispensed-4-Me system has been hailed as one of the greatest breakthroughs in mental health and wellness in the past 50 years. While we appreciate all the attention and accolades, we measure success in happy customers and positive reviews like this one. “As the owner of Ronnie Kalipalani Construction I find that I don’t always have the amount of downtime I deserve, and I’m usually way more stressed than I’d like. I was skeptical about using a Dispensed-4-Me machine at first, but I couldn’t be happier! I just drink a couple of beers and think about leaving work early, while the machine cycles through pictures. The items in the “Island Mood” package are perfect for a lazy day around the island: beach towels, really nice rubbah slippahs, tickets to the dolphin show at Aloha Shores, music, lists of all the beach bars and their locations, hats, and I even got this awesome little origami turtle once. It’s easy to use, and gives you everything you need to get into the aloha mood! ”
Where Can I Find a Dispensed-4-Me Machine?
Dispensed-4-Me machines can be found in the Lahaina Veilstation and select locations across Maui. See our website for a location near you. Let our amazing technology help you through the good times and bad. A better day is only a button away!
Warning:
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- The Dispensed-4-Me machine is not a replacement for a licensed mental health professional. Dispensed-4-Me does not guarantee happiness, joy, delight, elation, or jubilance. Consult a professional before using a Dispensed-4-Me machine.
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- “Island Mood” is not an emotion recognized by the American Psychiatric Association (APA). Avoid surfing, bodyboarding, kitesurfing, paddleboarding, swimming, snorkeling, and other water activities while using products from the “Island Mood” package. Do not engage in marital congress, indulge in a Newuskin gender change, or consume pork products while using any items inside the package.
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- Seek immediate medical help if you experience spontaneous rage, homicidal thoughts, crippling depression, or periods of mania after opening a Dispensed-4-Me package.
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- Avoid using alcohol, operating heavy machinery, or making important personal, or economic decisions while enjoying a Dispensed-4-Me package.
- On rare occasions, the Dispensed-4-Me flashing imagery has led to dizziness, memory loss, and seizures. Do not drive or begin any home improvements for at least 3 hours after using a Dispensed-4-Me machine.
- Do not open a Dispensed-4-Me package in front of animals or anyone under the age of 13.
