A wild boar attack is every Hawaiian campers worst nightmare. Such events are big news and they send a shiver down the spine. A 53-year-old Lahaina woman lived through such a traumatic event yesterday thanks to the quick thinking of her teenage sons and a little help from a popular drink spray.
The last thing on Teresa Higgs’ mind was battling a giant hungry boar when she traveled to the Hana Forest Reserve for a fun weekend with her boys. Nestled in the lush wilds of Maui, the reserve is a favorite for many during early spring for its beautiful scenery and abundance of wild flowers. Higgs says that the family makes multiple trips a year to enjoy the tranquil forest but her sons often tease her about her outdoor cooking skills and that’s where the trouble began.
“Tom and Brian give me a hard time about my burgers, but after talking to the knowledgeable staff at Big Bob’s Butchery I had a surprise for them. I came with 6 pounds of the finest burger you can buy. It was a 70/30 blend to make sure they’d stay nice and juicy. Double ground for texture, I had a brisket, round, short rib blend. This wasn’t a styrofoam tray of dying grey meat stuffed in a display case, or a frozen patty lying on the grill like the ghost of beef past. These were thick, well seasoned burgers, hand-pattied with love. Then, out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of something black. Before I could do anything, a huge boar was chomping down the burger. After all that planning, I wasn’t about to let him ruin our lunch. I whacked him as hard as I could on the snout with the grill scraper, but that just made him mad and he turned on me.”
16-year-old Tom and 14-year-old Brian heard their mother’s screams and ran to investigate, only to find her being attacked by the boar. The pair tried driving him off with shouts and kicks to no avail. It was a direct hit to the face with Brian’s Manimal Spray that finally drove the animal off.
“I remembered how bad it hurt when Tom sprayed it in my face. To tell the truth, the vision out of my left eye still gets blurry sometimes, so I let the hog have it,” said Brian. “He stopped as soon as it hit his eyes. He shook his head, started squealing really loud, and tore off towards the creek.”
While the spray was hailed by internal combustion enthusiasts as a de-greaser and carbon deposit cleaner, consumer and food safety groups decried the company when they unveiled their “hyper-carbonated” drink last year. They said the high level of carbonation and unusual anti-foaming agents made the drink dangerous to long-time drinkers and unstable in certain situations. Manimal countered that their product followed strict government health and safety guidelines. They said that the new drink spray would allow their customers to “Feel the burn with a blast of refreshment!”
Continued complaints, regulatory pressure, and a handful of lawsuits eventually forced the company to slightly reduce the sprays pressure and remove some additives earlier this year. The new Manimal Spray was released with a statement from CEO Spencer Kane which read, “Sorry about that extreme drink lovers! It’s all good now.”
Tom told reporters: “I like it because I don’t always have time to drink normally during the day. I think the people saying it’s still dangerous just aren’t ready for instant maximum hydration; I know the boar wasn’t.”
Officials say that while boar attacks are exceedingly rare in the park, they do occasionally happen, particularly with older animals who’ve come to associate people with food. They found the still disoriented boar soon after, trying to wash its face off in the creek. Rangers were forced to euthanize the animal.
Teresa suffered no serious injuries from the boar, but was being held overnight for observation since she was accidentally hit in the face with the spray during the attack. “I’m so thankful for the quick thinking of my sons. They became my heroes today! I feel like the luckiest mom in the world. They even saved some of the burger, and I plan on making them a very special dinner when we get home. But after seeing what Manimal Spray did to the boar, I’m going to have to rethink about how many bottles I let them bring to school.”
Later, Teresa was seen marveling at the exfoliating effects of the spray. “People should give this stuff a chance, though maybe keep it clear of your eyes. And nose. And ears.”