Reparre Biologic has announced that they will start including a strong warning with their nootropic medication, “Precisionoll”. The drug has become wildly popular with young adults as a study and focus aid, but the medication’s ability to boost hand-eye coordination has led to a number of troubling incidents. Dozens have been seriously injured while trying to perform stunts on the drug, and health and safety advocates say that the withdrawal effects can be dangerous. President Shawn Hastings says Precisionoll is safe to use as directed, and helps millions who have trouble focusing every day.
The quest for a magic pill that will make you smarter, and more productive is not new. Decades ago drugs like Ritalin and Adderall gained popularity among college students and young professionals, and microdosing LSD became popular in California’s Silicon Valley. While the names may have changed, the public’s desire for them hasn’t. Prescriptions for nootropic drugs has risen 36% in the past 5 years, with 6.4 million people filling a bottle of Precisionoll alone in 2045. However, Hastings says that times, and medicine have changed. “We’re not talking about people hopped up on amphetamines, or coders pretending to be hippies, we are talking about specifically, and carefully tailored medicine,” he says.
“Pecisionoll helps the brain more efficiently process information. We have known for years that the subconscious mind can process many times more information than the conscious mind, and at vastly faster speeds. Precisionoll allows you better access to those “fast lanes” in your brain, and it literally enhances your eye’s focus. Many patients find that they no longer need corrective eyewear within weeks of taking Precisionoll. This is a new medicine for a new age. It is unfortunate that some have decided to use it in an irresponsible way. We hope these new warnings will deter the public from using this, and any medication, in a manner and purpose for which it was not prescribed.”
Many see this measure as too little too late, and not just medical professionals. Owner of the popular Hula Noodle eatery, “Uncle” Ralph Umeke says he’s seen the effects of Precisionoll first hand. “I get tourists juggling in here with those beady little eyes you get when you’re on that stuff. Sometimes the place looks like circus. Last week I was throwing a guy out for complaining that his noodles where slightly different widths, when I caught some morons outside tossing silverware in a bowl all the way across the patio. But that’s not the worst of it. My dart league was cancelled because of all the fights and accusations that broke out, and my ulu maika club is talking about drug testing. I don’t know what the world is coming too when your can’t even trust a bruddah bowler. Just look at all the people doing William Tell routines on Glimpsea and YouTube. It’s no wonder you read about so many getting head injuries.”
Medical Director of the Lahaina Children’s Hospital Dr. Dalia Forsythe echoes Uncle Ralph’s concerns. She says that the hospital has seen an 85% increase in injuries resulting from Precisionoll. “I just had a case involving a young man with a knife sticking out of his ear. He and his friends decided it was a good idea to take some Precisionoll and throw knives at each other to see who could get the closest. If that knife had been one inch to the left…… Reparre and the public need to ask themselves if the benefits of Precisionoll is worth a potential death.”
Lahaina’s Randy Wilcox is one of the most vocal of Precisionoll’s advocates, and his answer to Forsythe’s question is, “Hell yes it is!” Randy says the drug is vital to his popular backyard wrestling program.
“The public has always been hungry for danger, and right now, they want that danger thrown. Luckily, it turned out that like myself, all my wrestlers suffered from blurry vision when they were really tired, so we all got a prescription. The show has never been better! We’re incorporating a bit of native flair to the props now. Every night we’re tossing Ihe spears at each other off the top turnbuckles, and chucking koa throwing axes during entrances. The crowd loves it, and we’ve had very few accidents so far. I wouldn’t feel safe if we weren’t all on Precisionoll. We’d probably still do it because just missing your friend’s head with a throwing axe is about as intense as it gets, but I’d be way less confident about not hitting Gary. I understand some of the concern. That’s why we tell all the kids at the show that they should never throw anything at someone until they’re sure they can miss.”
