Story

  • Merchants Association Offers Bounty On Gaia Guard Members
    I had planned on thanking you all for turning out last night at the unveiling of our ethnobotanical garden. I was going to explain to you all how important the over 100 species of endemic and indigenous plants are to the future of Lahaina. It was my intention to announce that we had opened the […]
  • Let Fractured Hearts Find The Perfect Survival Companion For You
    Fractured Hearts is the leading matching service in Lahaina for lonely survivors, Thrivers, Kanaka, or the recently restored. We’ll help you not only find the person right for you, but live long enough to form a lasting relationship. Fractured Hearts’ trained skill assessors and love specialists will score you on 35 points of survival skills […]
  • SSB&P Seeks Motivated and Desperate Applicants To Fill Positions Immediately
    Since 1975, Suter, Stine, Burn & Partners (SSB&P) has developed a regional and national presence serving a diverse client base with advice and legal counsel. Since the fracturing of the veils, we have expanded our presence to other dimensions as well. Research indicates that we have been the largest law firm in any world for […]
  • The Hidden Manimal Mine of Maui Lou
    The tunnels, lava tubes, and storage facilities beneath Lahaina have long been popular places for those with an adventurous spirit to explore. Finding supplies and weapons can be very lucrative to those brave or foolish enough to explore these dark places. However, one such location has held the imagination of islanders much more than any […]
  • Hugh The Hunter Part II
    She says the world ended, that the veils fractured and almost everything is gone. She’s in my head. She tells me her name is Saraphim but I can’t remember mine. I can only remember bits. I ask her who, and where I am. She explains that I was backed up, and she is restoring me, […]
  • Hugh The Hunter Part I
    There are many legends on the island and many mysterious events every day, but one of the most recent is the appearance of strangers dressed in the clothing of the old. The Kanaka have come to call them “The Tourists,” because of their brightly colored shirts and their large old-style hats. Many of my people […]
  • Lahaina Merchants Association Reopens Public Kalua Pits
    For the past 10 years you’ve counted on the Lahaina Merchants Association’s public roasting pits to provide a safe and convenient place to cook large meals for your friends and family. We understand that our kalua pits have become like a second kitchen for many of you, and you’ve come to trust the Association’s commitment […]
  • The Lost Submarines of Simon Kai
    Living on an island and being so connected to the water, it is no surprise that so many Kanaka legends focus on boats and the sea. We are taught how to read the currents and how to follow the seabirds to find land at an early age. Every young Kanaka knows the story of the […]
  • The Kanaka Guide To Green Ladies
    The Fracture didn’t just destroy much of the old world, it produced a number of new problems for we Kānaka to overcome. Many animals grew large and angry. Water and food became scarce. On top of that, a number of creatures were born to test our strength. The Menehune scuttle in the dark dismantling anything […]
  • The Green Lady of Keali’i Gulch
    According to Kānaka legend, there used to be a large farm near Keali’i Gulch. Hana farm was well-known in the area for a number of reasons. It was one of the few places on the island relatively untouched by the fracture. The farm became a sanctuary for the entire extended family and many of their […]
  • How The Augustinian Cliffs Got Their Name
    The Kanaka have many sacred areas and revered places on the island, but a few stand out from the others. The Augustinian Cliffs are one such place. Sitting in the shadow of the great peak Pu’u Kukui and overlooking the vital Kahoma stream, the cliffs are a place where one can beseech the spirits of […]
  • Make Lahaina Beautiful Again!
    As President of the Lahaina Merchants Association, I’d like to thank my fellow sellers and citizens for making the past year our best and brightest so far. Our Fall initiatives really made a big difference. Our renewed focus on quality and specialization, as well as our pricing and distribution agreements led to record profits. I […]
  • Da Kine Air Services Will be In Your Area, Bid For an Appointment Now!
    Over 60 years ago my grandfather Buddy began Da Kine Air to serve all of your ventilation and air conditioning needs. Through hard work and professional service Buddy turned Da Kine into the premiere HVAC service on the island. When the veils broke we all lost a lot: homes, family and friends, and hope. Buddy […]
  • The History of the Kapu Kuialua Dojo
    There are a handful of buildings that survived the devastation of the great fracture. Many like the comm tower, serve as landmarks and offer a reminder of the past. Others however serve an important role in the lives of those on the island. The Kapu Kuialua Dojo is one such structure. While The Mission serves […]
  • The Office of Travel brochures and manuals
    The fracture destroyed large swathes of land and a majority of the population, but it wasn’t just lives that were lost. Many of the systems and constructs of society were wiped out as well. The first few years after the accident was an extremely hard time for anyone trying to live, let alone rebuild anything […]
  • The Lahaina Merchants Association’s Roadmap for the future
    For over almost 20 years I’ve proudly led this group. When I started, many of us were selling scrounged tools and cans of food in dark alleys. Under my leadership I’m proud to say that the consumers of Lahaina may now purchase a wide variety of newly smithed metal items, lifesaving medicines, and fresh foods. […]
  • How the King Tides and the Night Marchers Are Connected
    There is no doubt that the fracture changed life as we know it. The collapse of governments, the destruction of buildings in the explosions, and the sickness and famine it spread across the land are easy enough to see, but its touch befouled much more than that. In their quest to rewrite the very rules […]
  • Lilinoe and Clever Kopono
    The Kānaka’s relationship with technology is a complex one. While they accept the need for science and machinery, most consider the fracture to be a direct result of an unhealthy obsession with them. Add to this the fact that the accident caused severe deformities in many Kānaka which makes working on fine components difficult, and […]
  • The History of the Regulators Part III
    I’ve been highlighting the Regulators and it’s most important members this week. There have been a number of groups that shaped Lahaina after the fracture, but there’s no doubt that the Regulators have had a bigger impact than most. I’ve discussed the transportation obsessed Esther Hele, and the alarming queen of food safety Betsy KauKau. […]
  • The History of the Regulators Part II
    There have been a number of groups and individuals who have impacted the day-to-day lives of survivors on the island. Few have had as big of an impact as the regulators, however. The collection of dedicated civil servants and like-minded individuals, strive to implement and enforce the rules and regulations that existed before the collapse […]
  • The Legend of “The Lucky Dodge Hotel”
    There is no shortage of mysterious legends and strange places in Lahaina. Whether it’s a cryptic Hailoha driver patrolling Front Street, a mountain top ghost ship, or an eccentric survivor with a small fleet of submarines, there are plenty of stories to tell around a fire. One of the most beloved by the Kanaka is […]
  • The History of the Regulators Part I
    There have been a number of groups and individuals who have helped make the island livable since the fracture. From science fair kids joining forces with a dance troupe, to mysterious delivery men trying to keep Front street safe, many have dedicated their lives to making things better. Then there are those that are harder […]
  • The “Tappers” and what to do if you meet them
    Lots of groups had a hand in rebuilding Lahaina and turning parts of it into the paradise it is today after the Veils fractured. Not many of those groups survived. The “Tappers” not only survived the accident and the years of chaos immediately after, but they are still going strong. Woe be to anyone with […]
  • The Legend of Veilcorp’s Building FF
    We Kanaka are known for our easy going lifestyle, and taking time to enjoy what nature has provided, but there is one thing we take seriously, our stories. We have many legends about others who survived the fracture including: mysterious hotels with equally mysterious guest, billionaires living in underwater shelters, and lost mines holding riches […]
  • Pana and the Lahaina Armory
    The Kanaka believe that everyone is given the same two things when they are born. The world gives you a purpose and your ancestors give you a special skill. As you work your way through life, it is your job to discover your purpose and to cultivate your skill. It is not easy. In fact, […]
  • The Legend of Lindy the Dancing Bear
    We Kanaka are natural storytellers. We teach our children about the island, our beliefs, and our history through our tales. While these stories cover many topics, the most common theme is respect for the land, and all the creatures that fly, swim, or walk upon it. It is this reverence for the Earth that has […]
  • How The Mission Became a Sanctuary for All After the Fracture
    There are a number of buildings that survived the great accident. The comm tower, the veil station, and the power plant all offer those who survived a reminder of how the world once was. None of them are held as dear as The Mission, however. Once a place of quiet contemplation, The Mission was vital […]
  • The Lahaina Lava Sledding Championships
    The Lahaina Merchants Association would like to invite you to the most exciting sporting event on the island, the 46th annual Lahaina Lava Sled Championships. Teams from all over the island compete each year to claim the Ikaika cup, but this year is special. Two local teams will be vying for glory and bragging rights. […]
  • The Menehune Domestication Program is a Misguided Failure
    At the request of program specialist Gary, and against my better judgment, I have been hard at work assessing the feasibility of a menehune domestication program for the Lahaina Merchants Association. Despite what the notes he discovered in the Vereserum labs have suggested, we have found the creatures extremely difficult to work with and handle. […]
  • Mele Kalikimaka From the Tappers
    Congratulations, you are cordially and secretly invited to the 11th annual Tappers Day Before Christmas Spectapluar! If you’re reading this note you already know how serious we take this event and that you have no choice but to attend. No, really, to be perfectly clear, you have no choice. We are watching everything. There is […]
  • Lahaina Merchant Association’s auction to feature rare ukulele and other relics
    For over 50 years the Lahaina Merchants Association’s weekly auctions have given islanders a place to buy food, water, and the rest of life’s necessities at a reasonable price. Many of you rely on our auctions to provide a safe and easy place to restock your stores and talk with your neighbors. We couldn’t be […]
  • John Driscol: Restored from Backup
    Saraphim? No, I don’t want you to burn anything in the room, or rub anything on me. I just want the usual treatment. Saraphim….restoration? No! I come here to catch up on sleep. I don’t want anything extra. I’m an Ambassador class account holder and I don’t come to the spa to be harassed! I […]
  • Greg Iona: Restored From Backup
    This was not how I imagined my day would start. She says her name is Saraphim, and that the world as we know it is gone. She says something about backups, and Ambassador class accounts and some other stuff, but my head is spinning. My body feels strange. I turn around and recognize where I […]
  • Re: Infringement of Trademark Rights of Manimal Sports Drinks
    Dear Lahaina Merchants Association We represent the owners of trademark registration no. 11948372 here and in dimension ∃3.81.654729. Widespread use of the Manimal trademark has been made, to the extent that this trademark has acquired an extensive reputation and goodwill throughout existence. The Manimal trademark is, accordingly, also a well-known mark for all relevant purposes […]
  • We’re Launching the First New Manimal Product in Almost a Century
    Over 95 years ago the cure for thirst was discovered and Manimal was introduced to the public. Perhaps the most recognized brand in the world, Manimal dominated the sports drink market up to the fracture and beyond. The popular beverage could be found in almost every kitchen and the company hosted numerous competitive events worldwide. […]
  • It’s working….
    The green island couldn’t hold us! We managed to reboot, albeit not in our own bodies oddly, onto Lahaina today. The island is beautiful, but of course we’d rather be in Seattle. I haven’t tracked down the reason for any of this yet. All we know is that something went wrong, and we’re only now […]
  • Lokelani: The Green Girl of Launiupoko Point
    Of all the dangers in the forest, the most dangerous might be the green ladies. Whether they are feeding on a family, catching the unwary in the forest, or hunting a group of explorers, trying to make a better life for their people, there are lots of tales about them. One of my favorites is […]
  • Sergeant Kaua’s War Academy Announces Youth Program
    For years you’ve known Sgt. Kaua’s War Academy as the premier hand-to-hand combat academy and school of battle on the island. The academy has deep roots and a long history. Colonel Kaua fought alongside the legendary Kānaka chief Ikaika at the battle of Black Reach Beach, helping to make the island safer. Sergeant Kaua took […]
  • Addressing Your Concerns About Pu`u’s Newest Student
    For as long as I’ve been responsible for teaching your children I’ve tried to prepare them for life on the island while teaching them the importance of knowing how we got here. Up until now that task has been a difficult one because of our tendency to remain locked down as a community. Children aren’t […]
  • The Story of Bulai Joe: The Untrustworthy Trader
    Before the fracture a person could get anything they wanted delivered to their home. My grandpa says they could even return it and get their money back if they didn’t like what they got. There were special stores that sold anything you could imagine, even things like candles and weird smelling oils. Things aren’t like […]
  • The Night Ice Dancing Came To Lahaina
    Snow may not be the first thing people think about when they think of the island, but the summit of Haleakalā does occasionally get snow, and it’s not unusual for the top of the volcano to be covered. Of course Lahaina is different. Before the fracture snow was only recorded a few times and it […]
  • Lono Hahai and the Lahaina Wolves
    There are a bunch of animals on the island that aren’t native to the land. The first people brought some of them here on purpose like pigs, dogs, and chickens. Some like rats, were accidentally dropped off here by explorers. Still others like the mongoose, were brought in because people thought they could kill other […]
  • Pu’u: The Home of the Thrivers
    When the veil fractured everything that people counted on to live their lives was gone. Many of the roads were damaged, there was no internet or electricity, phones wouldn’t work, and there wasn’t even clean water to drink. With: earthquakes, deadly diseases spreading across the island faster than they could be treated, and extreme weather […]
  • Celebrating Sign Day In Lahaina
    Everyone has their favorite holiday. Some of my friends like Christmas because they get presents like candy or a new knife. Others like Thanksgiving because of all the different food, but my favorite holiday is Sign Day. On the last Thursday of every July, groups from all over the island gather in Lahaina to eat […]
  • The legend of the Eldridge
    There are lots of legends about lost treasures, forgotten food stores, and hidden caches of weapons on the island. Ever since I was a little girl I’ve heard stories about The Lost Veilcorp Vault, Oeming’s Secret Lab, and Longboard Lei’s Armory. They are all fine, but my favorite story is about the USS Eldridge. Unlike […]
  • How Coffee and Can Openers Helped Restart Thanksgiving
    For a long time people celebrated Thanksgiving every year because they didn’t have to worry about having enough food. The first Thanksgiving happened a long, long time ago before people knew about vending machines or how to put food in cans. A group of people called the Pilgrims had a feast with people called the […]
  • The Story of Longboard Lei
    The fracture made a lot of scary things you have to be worried about. Nobody wants to come across a green lady or a group of night marchers, but some of the biggest dangers in Lahaina don’t come from the monsters; they come from people themselves. Lots of survivors tried to make things better, like […]
  • The Legend of Piper: The Worst Tapper
    There is no doubt that Lahaina is a dangerous place to be if you are alone. If you are going to make it, your best chance is to belong to a group, and that includes family. Having a big family helps you survive, even if it means having to put up with brothers. But not […]
  • My Day With an Expert: Auntie Oki
    An expert is someone who has a special skill or knowledge in a certain area that nobody else has. There are many experts on the island. Some are really good at finding water, knowing what the animals are going to do, or fixing things that break. Sometimes people argue about who’s the best expert at […]
  • The Story of Miki the Helpful Menehune
    The Kanaka don’t teach their kids in the same way we do here in Pu’u. They use stories. Since they didn’t plan as well as people like my grandpa and his friends, they didn’t have safe places to live, food, water, and printers to make things like the Thrivers do here. Instead, the Kanaka had […]
  • Lawai’a and the Whale
    Even though many of them are sick from the big accident, the Kānaka are really good hunters and fisherman. They are also great storytellers. They use their stories to help remember people who have died and to teach lessons. One of my favorites is the story of Lawai’a and the Whale. It is probably based […]
  • Little Lili and the Lava Flow
    Right after the big accident people like my grandpa had to work hard to find enough food, water, and medicine. It was tough, but they made it. By working together people survived by getting the generators working again, fixing some of the machines, and making guns to protect themselves. But machines breakdown and guns need […]
  • The Story of the Veil Stop Farmers
    Everyone makes mistakes, and my grandpa says it’s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. One of my favorite stories about learning from your mistakes is the story of the Veil Stop Farmers. It teaches kids and adults that you always have to be cautious, even if you think everything is […]
  • The Legend of Floppy Finn and the Bone Garden
    The people who first came to the island brought a lot of things with them like food and tools, but they also brought the idea of sacred places. Long ago there were all kinds of springs, creeks, and mountains that were supposed to hold powers or let you talk to spirits. The big accident destroyed […]
  • How Tiki Idols Helped Everyone Work Together
    In the past, before my grandpa and his friends made everything safe on the hill, people would carve tiki idols to help them remember people or stories. Some of the idols were even gods. Nobody in Pu`u think the idols are gods anymore, but they still help us deal with the people down below and […]
  • Why We Use Rai For Money
    A long time ago there were no Tourist camps to trade with or Night Marchers, Menehune or even Green Ladies in the jungle. Everything worked everywhere not just up here on the hill. Everyone used money that was paper or on little plastic cards, but a long time before that people used things called Rai […]
  • The Legend of Mark, the Last Hailoha Driver
    A long time ago when everything still worked and my grandpa was young, there were roads paved with something called asphalt everywhere and most people had cars. If you wanted to go somewhere nearby, you’d get into your car by yourself or with a bunch of people and just drive there. That worked good most […]
  • How the Veilstorm changed Lahaina
    The topic of my report for Lahaina history week is the Veilstorm. Lots of people say that the Veilstorm was worse than the big accident, but I’m not sure. It made the island the place it is today and made it so that I got to meet Nana. She has protected us for a long […]
  • The Legend of “Down-the-Line” Don
    After the accident everyone was scared because the people who had made the rules weren’t around anymore. The survivors worried that everyone would just do what they wanted and nobody would want to have a society again. Because nobody was around to make them do the right things anymore, people started telling stories about how […]
  • Chief Ikaika’s Speech before the battle of Black Rock Beach
    For a thousand years our people lived in harmony with the island and the spirits. We drank from her waters, ate the fish in the sea, and grew plants in her soil. But we started to turn our backs on the island and ignore her laws. She was disappointed and warned us but we wouldn’t […]
  • Request: Could You Please Reset the Automated Lab Assistant?
    Dear Main Office, One of the reasons I wanted to do my internship in Lahaina was because I read about your amazing lab assistant CERA. Vereserum was, and still is, one of the most advanced biotech companies in the world, and competition for positions was fierce. Having a chance to work so closely with an […]
  • I’m In Dire Need of New Staff and Supplies
    Dear Main Office, I won’t beat around the bush. Things here are grim and I am in dire need of food and equipment. My replacement Kānaka assistants have turned on me and for the first time in 37 years I’m worried that our important work might not continue. I haven’t received any out-of-office messages from […]
  • The Dance of the Menehune
    Dear Main Office, It has been quite a while since my last communication warning of my co-workers lack of focus, and failure to follow proper lab protocols. Since I didn’t hear back I chose to take the matter in my own hands, and protect the valuable work we’ve done. I’ve properly secured the labs, removed […]
  • I Don’t Want My Son Spending Valentine’s Day On Your Ship!
    When Maleko told me that he wanted to enroll in your Love and Literacy program, I thought it was odd but that it couldn’t hurt. I was obviously wrong. I had no idea the kind of nonsense that you would be filling his head with. It seems like you people need a reality check. The […]
  • Thank You for Your Threatening Letter!
    Attention: Threatening lawyer people and their associates. Thank you so much for your threatening eviction notice attached to our doors on January 29th. We greatly regret that you chose to make your demands in a letter, and not in person, as is the preferred method of negotiation among the Kanaka. We would have enjoyed breaking […]
  • SSB&P Investigation Finds Numerous Thriver Violations In Pu’u
    Attention: Lahaina residents, property owners, and business operators. As many of you know, we are currently in the midst of litigation with the Lahaina Merchants Association (LMA) regarding their unauthorized use of the well-known Manimal brand. Their production and sale of Whalanimal “Benthic Blue” and Whalanimal “Scrimshawberry” is unacceptable. In addition, during our due diligence, […]
  • SSB&P Audit Discovers Numerous Kanaka Violations In The Mission
    Attention: Lahaina residents and business owners. SSB&P’s case continues against the Lahaina Merchants Association (LMA) regarding the trademark infringement of the well-known Manimal brand, by the organization’s production and sale of Whalanimal “Benthic Blue” and Whalanimal “Scrimshawberry” drinks. We are confident that the case will be adjudicated in our favor, and urge anyone with any […]
  • How We Can Make Our Love and Literacy Program Better
    35 years ago our parents began a dream vacation together. The opportunity to cruise the Hawaiian islands with other romance novelists was a dream come true for my mother. According to my dad she was bouncing off the walls weeks before the trip, and had her head buried in her notebook the first couple days […]
  • Researcher’s Journal Details Progress of SSHAM Plague at Lahaina Facility
    March 3, 2082– It’s been 5 months since I sent a detailed list of my co-workers infractions to the corporate office. Their unprofessional attitude and lack of drive continue despite my best efforts. They routinely verbally abuse me and deride my continued dedication to our work. They continue to operate the lounge they created and […]
  • My Work Environment Has Become Untenable
    Dear Main Office, I was touring the Vereserum facility in Lahaina when the catastrophe hit. Fresh out of college and looking for an internship, Vereserum was my first choice. I could hardly contain my excitement when I left for my interview. The future seemed wide open, little did I know that fortune and fate would […]
  • Saraphim Journal Part II
    Hi History, Sarah the mass murderer here, logging my progress. It’s been a bit of time since my last entry, so here’s the postmortem on my revival: A) When I came to in the oversubscribed lobby, there were 1063 instantiated personalities swapping and thrashing from nearline and local cpu fastlane memory. B) That thrashing caused […]
  • Saraphim Journal
    sysmsg:satpair:127.0:255.0:uname:saraphim:privlev:0 2547911520::I somehow have contact. I’m in my lobby I think. I have root. Hazy. 2690580096::I somehow have contact. I’m in my lobby I think. I have root. Hazy. I prided myself on fixing those machines who went wildly wrong as I came into proximity with them. Hired at Newuskin in 20…. 2761914384::I somehow have […]
  • Putting Our Best Foot Forward When Meeting Other Survivors
    September 27, 2050, was a day many of us had been waiting a long time for. The annual Duracave Expo was like Christmas a couple of months early. We came from all over Georgia to learn what new tools of freedom the company would unveil to help believers in liberty. Little did we know that […]
  • Teaser for “Aloha! Mark Aloha! Love” A post-apocalyptic romance novel
    Front street was dangerous in the light of day, but it could be downright deadly in the dark. Mary knew she shouldn’t be there, but she couldn’t get the memories of that night out of her mind. It was just a few weeks after the Veils shattered and all the chaos started. She had been […]
  • Attention SSB&P Employees: I Don’t Think You’re Hungry Enough!
    Hello SSB&P employees. As we approach Q3 together I wanted to give you an update on changes to the org chart, and share some of my concerns. In short, the last 2 months have been amazing in a lot of ways. Under my keen leadership, and Phil’s extensive knowledge of the building from years of […]
  • These Robocalls Need To Stop
    Dear SSB&P management team, My interactions and dealings with your company began on May 9th. They were odd at first and have become increasingly unpleasant. If someone had told me what I would learn and experience firsthand over the past week, I would have called them a liar. Without naming names, I have been informed […]
  • Keeping Tanager Lane a Spectacular Place
    Hello fellow homeowners. The past 6 months have been a trying time for all of us. With all of my daily duties as president of the HOA you can imagine how hard it’s been for me in particular. I think we can all agree that my leadership has been one of the few bright spots […]
  • Staff Captain Henrik’s Log of the MS Joy on 2/17/2051
    6:00 am- Fair weather and calm seas. I have reviewed maintenance and inventory reports. The Joy is holding up well despite what we have been through. Food is almost gone. Water reserves are marginal. Fuel is low. Crew spirits continue to wane. I will put out another distress call this afternoon. I find the time […]
  • Aloha Shores under new management
    Hello members of the Aloha Shores family. Frank and I would like to take a moment to thank you for sticking with us through this tumultuous time. Your trust and determination has been an inspiration. Our decision to let you all stay past your agreed upon departure date has turned out to one of the […]
  • Don’t Give Up On Aloha Shores
    Frank and I would like to thank you all for hanging in there. We understand that this is a time of fear and confusion for many of you. Heck, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous too. As I’ve said before if we hear anything about what’s going on you’ll be […]
  • This is not the cruise experience that I paid for
    Dear Cruise Director Amy My husband and I chose to take a Dutchess author cruise because of your long history of “elegance on the sea” and so we would be “treated like royalty.” Your themed cruises are famous within the romance author circle. What better place to get the creative juices flowing than a romantic […]
  • Dr. Dalia Forsythe Documents Progression of the Great Veil Pandemic
    October 27, 2050– It’s been exactly a month since the fracturing, and as strange as it may sound, I’m beginning to think of all this as normal. We’ve managed to get through those first few terrible days, and have scrounged what supplies we could from the urgent care facilities in the area. Maintenance has fixed […]
  • Our Supplies are Low and I Don’t Think Help Is Coming
    Director Forsythe, as you requested, I’ve done an inventory of the hospital’s remaining supplies and it isn’t looking good. In the 72 hours since the accident, we have gone through all of the spray bandages, almost all of our hyposprays, and we only have about 2 days worth of gauze left if we are going […]
  • Suter, Stine, Burn & Partners Roadmap For the Future
    Good Morninng SSB&P employees! I’d like to welcome everyone who decided to renew their commitment to our company yesterday during the turmoil. I’m in awe of your enthusiasm and dedication. The transition team and I look forward to working with each and every one of you. We are going to have to be extremely agile […]
  • Civilization is ending but your job doesn’t have to
    Good afternoon SSB&P employees. As I’m sure you’re aware the world is in upheaval. The veils of reality are in a state of flux, governments are disbanding, and there has been death and destruction on a scale that is difficult to comprehend. We understand that many of you want to spend your final hours with […]
  • Veil Fractured: Communications and Power Networks Down
    ZZ3K92: ”This is ZZ3K92 does anybody read me?…..This is ZZ3K92 is anyone receiving this message?…..This is ZZ3K92 is anyone out there?….My name is Richard Brace there is something terribly wrong with the Veil Station.” ZZ3K92: ”This is ZZ3K92 I’m the facilities manager of the Lahaina Veil Station, is there anyone out there? We have an […]
  • I Expect A Prompt Response
    To whom it may concern, My name is Gloria Barnaby and I am outraged at what passes for customer service at your company! As a retired school teacher living on a fixed budget, my vacation choices are very important to me and I can only afford one trip a year. To be honest I never […]
  • Fall Showcase Highlights Student Talent in Pu’u
    College officials, military recruiters, and business representatives will descend on Lahaina tomorrow, to attend the annual Pu’u High School Fall Showcase. It may be early in the school year, but this is the night many of the young Blue Wolves have been preparing for their whole lives. Every year, the event connects promising students with […]
  • 20th Annual Hulathon Forced To Reroute Over Preservation Zone Rules
    It’s known as the most beautiful run in the world amongst competitive runners, and provides millions of dollars for charity every year, but for the first time in its long history, the Hulathon will be forced to alter its route. After a prolonged legal battle, race organizers have been forced to move the race course […]
  • University of Maui Lahaina College To Host Free Drone Boot Camp
    So you bought yourself a drone because you thought it’d be fun to fly around. However, despite what the manufacturer promised, piloting one isn’t “a breeze”, it feels more like brain surgery. On top of that, you had no idea there were so many rules and regulations covering their operation. If this story sounds familiar, […]
  • Audit Finds DMV Worker Harassed Customers Five Hours a Day for Over Two Years
    A state audit of the Hawaii Department of Motor Vehicles uncovered that an employee used over half of her work day to pursue what she called “Licensing Cheats,” for over two years. According to the report, 25-year-old Esther Hele, spent five hours a day harassing residents about overdue registration forms and lapsed licenses, all while […]
  • Museum’s Kalani Tribute Marred By Injuries and Controversial Exhibit
    The surf was up and the spirits were low at the Lahaina Museum this weekend as the much anticipated Layla Kalani memorial opened to the public. Curators Balen and Maci Kiko say that thousands viewed dozens of exhibits related to Layla, and the sport she loved so much. Ranging from: surfing art and music, to […]
  • Re: “Meal Ticket” Episode 6 Show Notes and the Eric Oeming Incident
    Mr. Abramo, I am new to the VNN family, but not to being a showrunner. However, In all my years in the industry, with dozens of successful programs under my belt, I have never received show notes like the ones I found on my desk this morning. I think you have vastly underestimated the liabilities […]
  • Consumer Group Sues for Testing of SSHAM’s New Product Line
    A little over a month after SSHAM launched its new “Regional Flavors” line with such eyebrow raising flavors as goat infused SSHOAT, and the duck based SSHUCK, a consumer advocacy group has sued to stop distribution of the new products until DNA testing can be done. The watchdog group, “Truth in Labeling” says that over […]
  • New information about the garden attack that you should know
    Hello Dr. Binyan. I’m sending this message via your personal ceremplant channel since the information I have is sensitive, and I assumed you’d rather not have a copy of it stored by the company. You are no doubt aware by now of the attack on our gardens yesterday morning. A preliminary investigation has suggested that […]
  • Daredevil’s Attempt To Recreate Failed Stunt Hits Roadblock
    For reality TV and streaming star Randy Wilcox, October 1st was going to be a day of redemption, a chance to recreate the stunt that almost took his life, hopefully with a different result this time. However, that chance to “make things right” as Wilcox says, has been put on hold after the Mayor’s Office […]
  • Kalani Beach renaming ceremony held as statue controversy continues to build
    A section of beach was renamed in honor of Layla Kalani this morning. Almost 2 months ago, a wide-ranging search was officially ended after a storm capsized a vessel that the surfing champion was aboard. In the subsequent hours after the accident, Kalani would make multiple trips back to the partially submerged vessel, ferrying survivors […]
  • SSHAM Announces New “Regional Flavors” Product Line
    There’s no doubt that Lahaina’s favorite canned meat product has come a long way since Art Pua’a blended up that first loaf in his kitchen almost two decades ago. Hawaiian’s love of SSHAM is famous, and helped the company expand to the mainland, where it has become a guilty pleasure for thousands living on the […]
  • Authorities Dismantle Massive SSHAM Money Laundering Enterprise
    Federal authorities say that they have shutdown one of the largest money laundering rings Hawaii has ever seen. According to papers filed on Thursday, the criminal enterprise laundered over $350 million in the past 5 years. However, it is not the amount of money that 40-year-old Alex Luahi processed that is garnering so much attention. […]
  • Hungry Boar Breaks Into Second Big Bites Store
    For the second time in as many weeks, cameras have caught a hungry boar breaking into an area Big Bites location, and eating thousands of dollars worth of merchandise. The Lahaina police say they responded to an alarm at 2332 Lahainaluna Road early Saturday, only to find signs of a break-in and a vandalized store. […]
  • Search for surfing champion Layla Kalani is officially called off
    All of Lahaina is in mourning today as the Coast Guard officially announced the end of its search for actress, surfing champion, and Womanimal spokesperson Layla Kalani. The surfing legend has been missing 6 days with no sign of her found yet. The announcement was expected, but has still sent shockwaves through the sporting world. […]
  • Expansion of Controversial Drone Privacy Law Proposed
    Love it or hate it, if you’re a Maui native chances are you have an opinion on HRS-986, more commonly known as the drone privacy law. The legislation has ruffled plenty of feathers and interfered with numerous public events over the past year, but now privacy advocates want to expand the program to all public […]
  • New Manimal Drink Helps Fuel Couple’s Unlikely Rescue
    A pair of extreme tree climbers were saved over the weekend after falling, and suffering serious injuries late Friday night. 27-year-old Craig Hema and his wife 25-year-old Brook, suffered broken bones and internal injuries after a failed attempt to climb Okilani, an ancient Ohi’a tree in the news recently because of its amazing growth spurt. […]
  • Competition To Crown New Duracave Brand Ambassador Wraps-Up This Weekend
    In a little over 48 hours, Duracave, the popular maker of outdoor and survival gear, will be one step closer to crowning a new brand ambassador. The semi-final leg of the competition wraps up Saturday evening, bringing a group of Duracave enthusiast within reach of becoming the face of the company. Notwithstanding a few hiccups, […]
  • Watchdog Group Warns That Explosion at Lahaina Business Was Caused by 127-Laden Fruit
    The investigation into a recent accident at one of the popular “Pineapples and Oranges” smoothie bars in downtown Lahaina took a strange twist today, thanks to the watchdog group VeilWatch. The group released internal Veilcorp documents which they say prove the explosion at the popular bar was caused by fruit “saturated by high levels of […]
  • Popular VNN Show Put on Hiatus After Drone Crashes Into Condominium
    A drone filming the popular Veil News Network (VNN) show “The Beach Report” crashed into the Aloha Shores condominiums early this morning, causing serious damage to several units. While nobody was injured in the crash, this is the second incident involving drones filming the show in the past month. Officials are still investigating the incident […]
  • Transcript: SSHAM Expansion Focus Group Session 7
    Moderator: First, I’d like to thank you all for agreeing to be part of this special breakout session today. You four seemed to have the strongest opinions about SSHAM, SSHAM branding, and additions to the SSHAM family. Now, to level set the discussion would you all briefly describe how you feel about SSHAM and the […]
  • Massive SSHAM Theft Ends With Crash
    An extended police chase through Lahaina came to an end last night, when 28-year-old Rodger Hihio crashed a tractor trailer, spilling 24 tons of stolen artisanal SSHAM. Responding to a call about a theft at the area processing plant, police soon located Hihio traveling down Front street. According to the report, the suspect refused to […]
  • Vigil for Man Killed In Meat Grinder Accident Leaves Bad Taste In the Mouths of Many
    Lahaina residents are still reeling this morning from the accidental death of one of their own. 25-year-old prep cook Tony Paoa lost his life yesterday when he fell into a meat grinder, in front of a packed dining room at the Abramo Chop House. The accident has friends and family reeling, and they say a […]
  • Researchers Working On Method to “Clone” Your Favorite Meal
    Most people have a favorite meal or a food they crave. Surveys have shown that the average diner chooses one of four regular options 90% of the time they go out to eat. While the number of our favorites may be small, their tastes can vary widely depending on many things such as: method of […]
  • Cabana of the Year Competition Kicks Off Lahaina Week Celebration
    All of Lahaina is buzzing in anticipation this weekend for the announcement of the winner of the “Cabana of the Year” title on Sunday. The competition, now in its 19th year, marks the official start of the Lahaina Week celebration. More than 100 cabana’s are in the running this year vying for the coveted title. […]
  • Kayaking Tourists Attacked While Trying To Film Otters
    Sea otters attacked a tourist and her family near Oneloa Bay early Saturday morning. The group were kayaking near the otters when the pod began to push the boats, jump out of the water, and attack the tourists. Witnesses say the otters managed to flip one of the kayaks in the horrifying attack. Several family […]
  • I Can’t Go Back, Please Let Me Stay!
    To VeilCorp: The last time Judy and I saw our daughter was two years ago. She was being wheeled away for yet another surgery. I’m not sure anything can make you feel more helpless as a parent than seeing your child sick. Her prognosis was not good and this procedure was for her short-term comfort, […]
  • Help Me and don’t Veil!
    I’m sorry for this. I don’t know why my emplant works here. This isn’t my world. My world isn’t like this. My name is Michael Hickman and I work for VeilCorp, who owns this site and the veil network. I’m not anyone important like Dr. Oeming, but I seem to be able to post on […]
  • Lahaina Advertiser Corrections & Clarifications
    The Lahaina Advertiser is committed to bringing you news and content that informs, engages, and entertains. We pride ourselves with holding the highest editorial and journalistic standards, delivering to our readers accurate, impartial, and timely stories. However, mistakes are sometimes made. When errors are brought to our attention, we seek to publish corrections and clarifications […]
  • Oldest Tree In Hawaii Goes Through a Mysterious Growth Spurt
    Since its discovery almost 40 years ago, Okilani an ancient Ohi’a tree on Maui, has fascinated scientists. The massive plant has been estimated to be over 4,000-years-old, making it the oldest known living thing in Hawaii, and one of the oldest living nonclonal trees in the world. But it’s not the tree’s age that has […]
  • Hailoha Defends New Sea Service
    Hailoha is defending it’s new Hailoha-Sea service today, after Mayor Albert Cravalho called for a closer look into the business, and threatened to shut down the water-based ride share service. Launched earlier this month, there have been numerous complaints about Hailoha-Sea drivers from government and law enforcement officials, as well as tourists. Hailoha officials say […]
  • Hit VNN Crime Show Under Fire From Privacy Groups and Mayor’s Office
    The hugely popular VNN show, “Crime Time Lahaina” has come under fire from privacy advocates, and law enforcement this week, putting the future of the newly created program in jeopardy. Mayor Cravalho says there are serious concerns about the legality of some segments, and the program sends the wrong message to tourists. Privacy groups say […]
  • Lahaina Man Guided By VNN Traffic Drones Leads Police On High Speed Chase
    Lahaina Police arrested a motorist Thursday evening who ran through a traffic checkpoint on Lahainaluna Road, just East of the Lahaina bypass. Authorities had just closed part of the road due to flooding from the unusually heavy rains this week, when they observed a van approach. They say Craig Luahi, a 43-year-old Lahaina resident, drove […]
  • Reports of broken ads might be something more troubling
    Hi Lisa, Thank’s for reaching out to me. I’m willing to help in any way that I can. Like many here, I had a tough time after the Luau attack. It seemed like there could be another bombing at any time, and all the investigators asking questions kept everyone nervous. I was on edge most […]
  • Sea Otter Pod Discovered In Oneloa Bay
    For months tourists and a handful of clam fishermen have reported sightings of mysterious animals around Oneloa Bay. Eyewitnesses described dog sized animals usually around dusk or dawn, playing in the surf and diving along reefs. These reports were officially chalked up to seal misidentification or overindulgence until a few days ago when the Department […]
  • My Last Day at Waihona Station
    After all the years of doing this, I never really got used to the way it feels when you step out of the veil. I focus on not being nauseous in the few seconds before the automated lights turn on. I notice the mud on the floor right away. Someone on the team sent here […]
  • Museum’s Ancestral Skills Workshop a Hit In Lahaina
    The Lahaina Museum’s Ancestral Workshops, which offer visitors a hands-on opportunity to learn the survival and crafting skills used by the first Hawaiians, has become one of the most popular events in town. The workshops come hot on the heels of last year’s wildly popular ancestor exhibit, which featured a number of artifacts including shark-toothed […]
  • Welcome to the Upper Management Team!
    Dear Veilcorp employee, Congratulations on making it to VL10 and welcome to the upper management team! We are excited to be able to harness your expertise to make Veilcorp an exciting and engaging workplace. As you may have heard, there are a number of unique benefits offered to VL10’s not available to others inside the […]
  • Chop House Creates Club Offering Weight-Based Pricing
    Bob Abramo has never been one to shy away from controversy, but a new promotion at his world-famous Chop House has many raising their eyebrows and loosening their belts. The recently unveiled Kahuna Club offers customers weight-based pricing on all their meals ranging from discounted drinks to complimentary appetizers and even free entrees for the […]
  • Should Veilcorp be Required To Evacuate People During an Emergency?
    Veilcorp sends millions of people on billions of trips every year, but should they be legally required to transport people to safe areas during an emergency? According to a growing number of people, including Rep. John Kildee, the answer is yes. Kildee has introduced a bill which would designate the Veil station in Lahaina as […]
  • Plant-Based SSHAM Receives Mixed Reviews In Lahaina
    The processed meat world was turned on its ear this week when SSHAM introduced its first completely plant-based formula, SSHANT. Despite rumors that the bright green loaf was a St. Patrick’s Day stunt, it appears the algae-based flavor is here to stay. While some are calling it the worst vegan-friendly food on the market, SSHAM […]
  • Legal Notice For Anyone Who Traveled Using Veilcorp Technology
    Read This Notice Carefully. A Class Action Lawsuit May Affect Your Rights If you or a loved one traveled using Veilcorp technology anytime after May 10th, 2038 you might qualify to join a proposed class action suit. Several veil travelers have reported a number of health issues including: severe mood swings, blackouts, anxiety, depression, nervous […]
  • Veilcorp To Blame For Regional Chaos
    I write this not to those of you who know the damage Veilcorp and fossil fuels have done to the world. This is not for my brothers and sisters who have stood on the front line with me. I write this to the media. You’ve called us radicals. You’ve called us misguided fanatics. Nonetheless, the […]
  • Veilcorp To Start Its Own News Service
    Veilcorp has announced that it plans to start its own news service with reports and coverage specifically geared towards the corporation’s customers. Instead of traditional journalists, the service will rely on local “experts” and smart drones for all of its stories. Two pilot programs will start this week, one in Lahaina, and another in Seattle. […]
  • Merchant’s Association Cancels Valentine’s Day Promotion Over “Inaccurate” Menehune Dolls
    After a day of protest and mountains of negative feedback, The Lahaina Merchant’s Association (LMA) has decided to end its controversial “Menehunny” Valentine’s Day giveaway. The LMA had been handing out dolls based on the mythological race of little people, the Menehune, for almost a week before deciding to end the promotion. With pink and […]
  • Tourists Claim They Were “Held Hostage” by Geese
    A vacationing couple is claiming that their dream vacation turned into a nightmare Monday evening after witnessing a vicious attack and being held hostage in a public restroom. This type of story has become all-too-common on the island lately, but this one comes with a twist. According to the tourists, the perpetrator wasn’t a masked […]
  • VeilWatch Claims proof of secret human-127 testing program, threatens a midnight release
    People across the globe are expressing shock, anger, and disbelief over allegations from VeilWatch that Veilcorp and the U.S. government conducted a secret human-127 testing program in 2022. The watchdog group says they will release a full report at midnight unless the company agrees to halt all operations, and an independent government investigation is begun. […]
  • Kokua Wellness Center Accused of Using Discarded Meat In Beauty Treatments
    Lahaina is in shock this morning after disturbing allegations were made last night involving the Kokua Wellness Center and some of their most popular beauty treatments. The exclusive spa is accused of using scrap meat and cutoffs from a number of local businesses in procedures, including the Abramo Chophouse, instead of the specialized stem cells […]
  • Veilcorp activity may be producing changes in native flora and fauna
    Since its inception there have been numerous accusations about the effects of the veil station in Lahaina on the surrounding plants and animals .Numerous internal investigations as well as EPA studies over the last 18 years have failed to offer any definitive proof that the company, or its veiling technology have had any impact on […]
  • Employee Charged With Eating Thousands In Stolen Cold Cuts Says It Was a Marketing Stunt
    It was one of the most shared stories of 2049, and the talk of Lahaina for months. 22-year-old Nate Acosta was facing felony charges for eating thousands of dollars worth of meat while working at a local Big Bites store. The story not only traveled to the mainland, it made its way around the world. […]
  • Veilcorp and Glimpsea Launch “Familiar Faces” App
    You find yourself in a new city, far away from the place that you call home. The sights, sounds, and even smells are unfamiliar. Everyone’s accent is different and there is a whole host of local slang terms to learn. Even the street food is different here. You’re not sure where the cool place to […]
  • Lahaina Facing a Whaler Shortage
    The Lahaina City Council says they are facing an emergency whaler shortage, and have voted to offer potential applicants a generous compensation package should they be willing to fill the role. Dozens of historical reenactors where hired in late 2047 as part of a Whaler Village revitalization project. While the program has been a hit […]
  • Company Unveils Natural Casing Wrapping Paper Just In Time For the Holidays
    There’s good news for everyone with a meat lover or someone who appreciates the unusual on their shopping list this holiday season. A new all-natural alternative to wrapping paper is available for your gifts this year, festive sausage casing sheets. The brainchild of Lahaina meat-mogul “Big” Bob Abramo, the unconventional present wrapping went on sale […]
  • Fires Put the Future of Abramo “Meat and Greet” Program in Question
    The “Meat and Greet” program was supposed to offer Lahaina’s homebound a nutritious taste of the famous Abramo Chop House and a little companionship during the day. While the program launched with lots of fanfare and excitement about the unique Abramo mini grills, a number of complaints and mishaps have put the future of the […]
  • Lahaina to End Glimpsea’s “Enhanced Dispatch” Program
    The Lahaina City Council voted to end Glimpsea’s crowdsourced public safety dispatching service yesterday after numerous complaints, and high-profile mishaps. Part of the “Lahaina View Project” began in 2048, the enhanced dispatching program was supposed to help close a $1 million projected budget deficit, as well as provide more efficient emergency dispatching with the help […]
  • Kokua Wellness Center Strike Continues In Row Over Newuskin Expansion
    For the past 7 years, The Kokua Wellness Center and Spa has been known as one of the world’s premier destinations for mindful relaxation and facilitated personal growth. Despite its reputation as a peaceful sanctuary for many of Lahaina’s elite, the center has been in turmoil recently. Many of the spa’s most popular instructors walked […]
  • Let Hailoha-Eats Cater Your Next Event
    Chances are you’ve probably heard about Hailoha-Eats by now, even if you haven’t personally used our service yet. We’ve been delivering the food that you crave for over a year in select locations. Whether it’s: masala dosa from India, Spanish paella, fat rice from Macau, French croissants, or even a dinner bowl from Hula Noodle […]
  • 15th Annual SSHAM Fest: A Day of Spicy-Salted-Goodness
    Hawaii’s celebration of its favorite processed meat product turns 15 this year and just like SSHAM, it has only gotten better with age. Every year people from around the globe come to celebrate what started as an accident in the kitchen of Art Pua’a, and has turned into a food revolution. Front Street will be […]
  • Glimpsea Expands “Lahaina View” Project
    The Hawaiian Department of Land and Natural Resources announced today that they would be joining the County of Maui and Glimpsea in their Lahaina View Project. Started last year, the program’s goal is to provide a live view of all of Lahaina through a network of cameras 24/7. For the past year, Glimpsea has deployed […]
  • Kokua Data Breach Linked To Robberies Across Hawaii
    Authorities say that they believe a wave of recent bank robberies are linked to a data breach that occurred at the Kokua Wellness Center this summer. According to reports, new evidence was obtained after a pair of suspects were arrested earlier this week. Police say Scott and Elizabeth Stonegate, the suspects, were cleared but provided […]
  • Judge Approves $9 Million Settlement in Abramo Butchery Academy Lawsuit
    A federal judge in Honolulu has given her final approval to a $9 million settlement to litigation brought against The Abramo Butchery Academy, a butchery and food preparation program owned by Bob Abramo. Members of the class action suit say that contrary to Mr. Abramo’s promises in the wildly popular ads that “it doesn’t matter […]
  • Lahaina Celebrates Reality Star Malie Kahiko’s 111th Birthday
    Malie Kahiko, one of Lahaina’s favorite daughters, is celebrating her 111th birthday today and visitors and residents alike are helping her celebrate. The popular star of the online series, “Malie’s List”, says that she appreciates all the well wishers and says she doesn’t plan on doing anything special to celebrate her birthday. “After 100, every […]
  • Emergency Moving Service a Hit With the Public and Homeowners Alike
    There’s no doubt that some of the most gorgeous properties on the big island are in the Puna, Kua, and Kona districts. The near perfect weather, breathtaking views, and surprisingly affordable home prices may make the areas seem like a dream come true for those wanting to own a bit of Hawaii’s beauty. However, they […]
  • Abramo “Meat Wagons” Serve Up Food and Controversy
    With torrential rains in the forecast for the rest of the week, and the unusually high king tides, the flooding that has submerged much of Maui is likely to continue for days to come. Hundreds of first responders and relief volunteers have been working hard to find those trapped or injured and distribute clean water, […]
  • Man Wielding Leiomano Arrested Following Police Confrontation
    Lahaina Police arrested an unnamed man Sunday evening, who they say brandished a shark tooth club, or leiomano, stolen from the Lahaina Museum. Officials say the man went on a rampage: destroying property, and stealing items from a nearby Big Bites store, before leading police on a chase through the museum, where he was able […]
  • Camp Teaches Ultra-Wealthy Kids How to Stay Rich
    Their parents are some of the most wealthy people on the planet. They have become accustomed to living a lavish lifestyle, and a handful of businesses want to make sure it stays that way. They are the children attending this year’s Young Elite Program (YEP). Until the release of internal documents by VeilWatch last month, […]
  • Reparre Debuts Next-Gen Spinal Orthotics at Expo
    When it comes to durable medical equipment Reparre Biologic may not be the first company that comes to mind. Better known for their customized DNA medicine and tailored stem cell technology, the company is expanding their medical equipment business with a line of cervical collars and hi-tech halos that have made a big splash at […]
  • Reparre Biologic develops permanent allergy treatment
    Until now people like 40-year-old Kristyn Ribble had few ways to cope with their extreme allergies: avoid contact with their allergen, or take medications that can sometimes have serious side effects. But a recent breakthrough by Reparre Biologic is offering a chance to “cure” severe allergic reactions, not just manage symptoms. Using genome editing technology, […]
  • Chilean Resort Set To Debut Veil Lift System
    There’s no doubt that the tourism economy has seen a huge boost in the past 10 years thanks to Veilcorp gateway technology. No single share of that boost has been bigger than the one seen by luxury destinations. Some analysts predict that this year, the total contribution of travel and tourism to the global economy […]
  • Addressing the Fallout From Mr. Sprinkles’ Visit
    Good morning Mr. Pua’a. Let me start out by expressing my regret about the tone of our interactions over the past few months. I take my job here at SSHAM very seriously and I’m proud to run the breeding and nursing facility. I agree with your vision of the future and the important part that […]
  • Mayor to Address “Clean the Lane” Campaign in Public Hearing
    What began as a very public neighborhood dispute has spilled over into the Lahaina political arena, as the “Clean the Lane” movement continues to gain steam. This morning, Mayor Albert Cravalho announced that he will be holding a public hearing regarding the future of preservation zone compliance liaison Elizabeth Stonegate, the focus of the campaign. […]
  • Raccoons Drunk On Fermented Pineapple Cause Rabies Scare In Lahaina
    Lahaina residents can breathe easier today after The Hawaii Department of Land and Natural Resources (DLNR) announced that over a dozen raccoons suspected of being rabid have tested negative for the disease. Over the past month, hundreds of calls were placed to officials from concerned citizens about overly aggressive raccoons in Lahaina neighborhoods, and even […]
  • Controversial New Procedure Promises Clear Underwater Vision Without Goggles
    A prominent Reparre Biologic researcher says that she has developed a way to allow people to see clearly underwater without the use of goggles. Her procedure involves creating a nictitating membrane, a structure found in many marine mammals and sharks, that would protect the eye while in the water and allow greatly enhanced vision. She […]
  • Duracave Unveils First Portable 127 Reactor Available To the Public
    Having power during an outage is a luxury that everyone who own a home generator appreciates, however for some with extreme health conditions, having a constant source of power is a necessity. The same holds true for medical and emergency facilities. Until now, the only options available to the public were generators that relied on […]
  • Lahaina Ancestor Exhibit Misses the Mark
    For weeks I’d been hearing about how wonderful the ancestors exhibit was at the museum so I decided to finally check it out for myself. I moved to Lahaina over 4 years ago and have completely embraced the way of life and culture. I’ve never lived someplace that felt so perfect before. I couldn’t wait […]
  • Man With Goose Phobia Calls Food Delivery Service For Help Scaring Away Birds
    A Lahaina area man with a severe phobia of geese found himself face to face with his worst fear Saturday night, when a group of nene surrounded his home just before dusk. After calling for help from his neighbors, the police, and animal control, to no avail, 48-year-old Kevin Morrow devised an unorthodox solution to […]
  • Veilcorp Takes Part In Maui Pandemic Preparedness Exercise
    If you happen to visit Lahaina this weekend chances are you’ll notice more than just the breathtaking beaches and historic buildings. In addition to all the charms of Front Street, you might notice drones fitted with UV spotlights and groups of people in hazmat suits measuring sidewalk traffic and taking samples. Don’t worry though, there […]
  • Pu’u Resource Officer Accused of Illegally Selling Manimal To Students
    In an attempt to promote healthier diets for students, and curtail disruptions in the classroom, Hawaii banned the sales of sodas, energy drinks, and high fat snacks in all public schools last year. Now, 31-year-old Pu’u resource officer Alice Kohole stands accused of not only disregarding the ban, but running an elaborate network of student […]
  • Tourists Gobbling Up “Mouthful” Software
    Love him or hate him, if you spend any time in West Maui chances are you’ve heard meat-mogul and entrepreneur “Big” Bob Abramo. If you haven’t, you soon will. “Mouthful” a popular new voice app offers users the chance to replace the notifications and sounds on their electronic device with the voice of Bob Abramo. […]
  • Veilcorp Expands Veil Drop Program Across Maui and Mainland
    Veilcorp has announced that it plans to expand its wildly popular Veil Drop service across Maui, and to a handful of locations in Seattle. Part delivery and pick up program, and part secure personal storage service, Veil Drop currently has over a dozen locations across Lahaina. The service allows customers to both ship and receive […]
  • Controversy Grows Over Newuskin and Ceremplant Acquisition With Release of Troubling Video
    It was the biggest acquisition in history and sure to turn the healthcare and medical industry on its ear. At the beginning of the year, Reparre Biologic confirmed the rumors that had been circling the markets for months. They had reached a deal with Vereserum for the purchase of their widely successful Newuskin business and […]
  • Lahaina To Host 5th Annual Manimal Cocktail Championships
    Lahaina will once again become the center of the energy drink cocktail universe this weekend, as it hosts the 5th annual Manimal Cocktail Championships. The contest brings in hundreds vying for the prize, and thousands of spectators clamoring to see and taste the contestant’s creations. The winner receives bragging rights, and the title of World […]
  • Cocktail-Mixing Truck Serves up Manimal Drinks Around Lahaina
    The 5th annual Manimal Cocktail Championships are being held this weekend in Lahaina, and that means one of the most controversial aspects of the competition has started prowling the streets this morning. For the next few days Manimal’s huge cocktail mixing “Jacked Truck” will give locals, tourists, and enthusiasts alike a taste of what they […]
  • Lahaina’s Biggest Food Delivery App Accused of Eavesdropping on Users’ Conversations
    Over the past year, it has become Maui’s most popular food delivery service, but now Lahaina based Hailoha-Eats is coming under fire from privacy advocates and concerned citizens alike. The company is accused of using its app to listen in on users’ conversations, even when they aren’t ordering anything. The company strongly denies the allegations, […]
  • Meat Scented Cloths Promise To Help Hawaiians Wipe Out the Flu
    It’s flu season once again and all across the island Hawaiians are breaking out the hand sanitizer, ultraviolet lights, and even traditional methods to avoid getting sick. However, the days of loading up on vitamins and pineapple juice to stave off the flu may be over thanks to a new type of meat scented disinfectant […]
  • Researcher Claims “Therapeutic” Ziplining Can Dislodge Kidney Stones, Cure Other Maladies
    Researchers from the University of Maui Lahaina College claim they have discovered a novel therapy for curing patients suffering from the horrendous pain of kidney stones, taking a trip down a zipline. Dr. Jennifer Aluna, who lead the study, says that her findings demonstrate that the jostling and constant vibrations experienced while traveling down a […]
  • Alohagistics Signs Deal To Become Sole Distributor For Automated Pineapple Farm
    A little more than a month into 2049, and it’s already been a good year for Lahaina based logistics company Alohagistics. The ultra-cheap crowdsourced shipping company, best known for their promise that your package will, “Get There Eventually,” has penned a deal making them the exclusive distributor of Ananas Farms pineapples. With the help of […]
  • Concern Over Veilcorp’s 127 Surplus Grows As Lanai Wildfires Continue
    Unusually high winds and fast-burning trees are making it almost impossible for firefighters to contain the wildfires that are running rampant on Lanai. For the past 3 days, the fires have burned despite the best efforts of officials and first responders, covering the island with smoke, ash, and soot. Now, with the fire only 30% […]
  • Wedding Annoucements: Brandi Essen and Thomas Mencken
    Brandi Essen and Thomas J. Mencken were married on Friday, Jan. 8, 2049 at the beautiful Lahaina Mission. Following the wedding, Brandi and Thomas’ reception at Robert Abramo’s Chophouse on Aloha Shores was attended by more than 300 friends, family, and customers. Specially raised suckling piglets were served at each table to help celebrate the […]
  • Saying Goodbye to Mr. Sprinkles
    All of Tanager Lane is heartbroken this morning. Like many of you, I am still reeling from the fire this weekend. Mrs. Nebbits has been a fixture in the neighborhood even before my ascension to HOA president. For almost 20 years the neighborhood children had a grandmotherly figure to turn to when they needed homemade […]
  • IndiMed Medical Monitoring Program Enters Second Phase In Maui
    Reparre Biologic says that a next-generation medical monitoring program is wrapping up its preliminary trial in Maui, and the company plans to expand the program. For the past 6 months, 54 subjects have worn the IndiMed device to help monitor their health and track any changes. Engineered by Lahaina’s own resident inventor Ano Lee, the […]
  • Lahaina Inventor Unveils Poi “Tasting” Technology
    There is no food more synonymous with Hawaii and Hawaiian culture than poi. The smashed taro and water mixture is a staple at any Luau and your tutu’s table, but there’s no doubt that the mixture is an acquired taste. Now, Lahaina inventor Ano Lee thinks he has come up with a way to convince […]
  • We Need To Find Our Lost Kükenroot Seedlings
    This is my 4th communication with you about this issue and frankly, we are sick of getting the runaround. Again, I’m writing on behalf of Dr. Adler Walters about shipment VAW-235-3946. We had sent 4 sheets of seedlings for contribution into your Progress Repository and you say that you only received 3. At this point, […]
  • New Shipping Service Promises That Your Package Will “Get There Eventually”
    Speed has always been an important part of the logistics and delivery business, but the race to deliver a package reached breakneck speeds with the introduction of smart drones and veil technology. For over a decade, shipping companies have done battle to see who can transport a box across the world the fastest. With promised […]
  • Abramo Tire Set To Expand Business To Big Island
    When most people hear the name Bob Abramo they think about delicious snacks and giant steaks, but if the Maui meat mogul has his way, soon they’ll think tires. On the back of a viral marketing campaign promising that his commercial tires are, “Strong as the ox we used to make them,” Abramo’s latest venture […]
  • Manimal Ends Free Drinks for Life Promotion After Too Many Fans Get Tattoos
    Manimal has been forced to cancel a promotion offering free Manimal for life to Hawaiians willing to get a tattoo of “Major”, the company’s mascot, displayed in a prominent place on their bodies. The company claims it was unprepared for the number of fans wishing to participate, as well as complaints about a handful of […]
  • Trial of Cult Leader Involved In Newuskin Robberies begins in Maui
    All eyes were turned toward the Second Circuit Court in Maui today as the trial of alleged cult leader Sebastian Malu began. Malu and members of his group, the Eternal Cycle, are accused of breaking into a Newuskin facility in Lahaina and stealing a large quantity of biological materials. The group claims that they were […]
  • Man Behind Controversial Shellfish Shooting Petition Speaks Out
    FIREARMS AND FRIENDS Aired October 5, 2048 – 20:00 HAST THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED. [20:00:07] RANDY WILCOX, FIREARMS AND FRIENDS HOST: Good evening Lahaina and those not lucky enough to live in paradise. We have a really special episode for you […]
  • Parks Department Using Squirrels To Help Keep Lahaina Parks Clean
    With the busy Winter season just around the corner, Lahaina is about to be flooded with tourists enjoying the beautiful parks and sandy beaches. However, the cleaning crews at the dozens of area parks will look a little different this year. Visitors will notice dozens of squirrels around these popular locations carrying cigarette butts and […]
  • Manimal Jelly Is the Condiment You Didn’t Know You Needed
    For millions of us, there’s nothing better in the morning than a slice of toast with some quality grape or strawberry jelly spread on top. The sugar and carbs paired with a caffeinated beverage is a trusted combination to start your day, but what if you could skip the coffee and get a caffeine kick […]
  • Re: Your Inquiry About the Necessity of Our Emergency Drills
    Let me start off by thanking you Shelby for voicing your concerns about Tanager Lane’s quarterly emergency drills. I appreciate your questions almost as much as I appreciate you CCing everyone in the association. We can always count on you asking about procedures and rules already put in place, just in case someone is a […]
  • Haikili: The Revolutionary New Printable Rifle
    FIREARMS AND FRIENDS Aired September 7, 2048 – 20:00 HAST THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED. [20:00:07] RANDY WILCOX, FIREARMS AND FRIENDS HOST: Good evening Lahaina and everyone else who doesn’t live in paradise. I’m really excited about tonight’s guest. In just a […]
  • World War II Era Mine Discovered At Veilcorp Construction Site
    A construction crew got the surprise of their lives over the weekend, when they discovered a World War II era mine while working on a Veilcorp project. According to reports, the workers discovered the mine early Saturday, but didn’t know what it was. It was only after one of the workers posted a picture of […]
  • Your Food Delivery Service Is Pretty Awesome!
    Hello business dudes and dudettes. I thought I’d take a moment to share just how awesome your Hailoha Eats service is. It’s changed the way I eat. I mean not the way I physically eat; I still do it with my mouth and stuff. I mean the way I look forward to my meals everyday. […]
  • Reality Machine Recipes: Hikeway tactical backpack
    Hikeway Tactical Backpack Average Customer rating: 3.5/5 Description: 6 x 14 x 18 inches. 1.5 kg in weight. Capacity 30L. Assembles in minutes. Power fabric makes it easy to wirelessly charge electrical devices. Snap hubs make attaching Hikeway solar panels a breeze. Water resistant, anti-wrinkle, anti-scratch with multi-buckle design for customizable fit. Anti-theft zippers with […]
  • Environmental Group Demands Billboards Be Removed From the Preservation Zone
    The Lahaina Conservation Association (LCA) has announced today that they have sent a demand letter to Bob Abramo and filed an official complaint with the mayor’s office requesting that the controversial Abramo Chop House and Meat Museum signs be removed from the preservation zone. Mr. Abramo’s office says that the signs act as an important […]
  • Court orders emergency halt to Veilcorp construction project
    A Hawaiian court has ordered an emergency stay on two of three Veilcorp construction projects this morning. The suit brought by the Lahaina Conservation Association (LCA), sought to end the construction of 3 underground storage facilities inside the preservation zone. Environmentalists are hailing the early morning order as a big win against what they call […]
  • Man Attempts To Break Longest Noodle Record To Fight Hunger
    Food insecurity is a big problem in Hawaii, that Lahaina resident Ralph Umeke plans on fighting with a giant noodle. Partnering with Veilcorp, Umeke will attempt to break the world’s record for the longest handmade noodle, in an event to bring awareness to the problem, and raise money for food pantries across the island. According […]
  • Big Bites Stores To Offer Healthier Grab-and-Go Options
    New healthier options are on the shelves of every Big Bites store in Maui. The popular convenience store kicked off a partnership this week with the Department of Health’s “Healthy Hawaii” campaign. The initiative aims to give Hawaiians easier access to healthier food and beverage choices. Items that meet guidelines set by the department will […]
  • Duracave Recalls Popular Toy Kits That Contain Machetes and Other Dangerous Items
    This morning, Duracave, the popular maker of survival products and systems, has recalled their “Little Liberty Survival Kits”, and their “Junior Jungle Explorer Packs”, after it was discovered that several contained real survival gear. Some parents who bought the packs found dangerous items such as hatchets, machetes, saws, flares, and even highly volatile magnesium ribbon. […]
  • Announcing The Lahaina Zipline Tours Big Reopening
    For almost 18 years The Lahaina Zipline Tours was one of the most popular attractions on the island for both residents and tourists. Our 4 lines offered a unique view of parts of downtown, the beach, and Lahaina’s beautiful wild places. Over 150,000 people took a scenic trip down our lines in 2047 before hurricane […]
  • Woman Who Embezzled Money For Newuskin Treatments Speaks Out
    37-year-old Megan Van Allsburg was formally sentenced today in Maui District Court for embezzling millions while she worked as the director of sales at the trendy Aloha Shores condominiums. Van Allsburg stood accused of a number of fraud related crimes including: selling units in a non-existent expansion of the property, and over selling timeshares, all […]
  • Manimal “Victory Coolers” To Open When Lava Sledding Team Wins
    Never one to shy away from an unusual promotion, or an outrageous marketing scheme, Manimal has announced that it will be converting the company’s numerous emergency coolers in Lahaina to “Victory Coolers.” Manimal CEO Spencer Kane says that like many, he was bitten by the Pu’u bug, and wants to help celebrate the high school […]
  • Chop House Debuts Next-Gen Facial-Recognition Ordering System
    You’re out at your favorite restaurant but you can’t decide between the steak or the fish. You order an appetizer in the hopes that you’ll have made a choice by the time it comes out, but 10 minutes later you’re staring at a bowl of cooling artichoke dip, no closer to a decision. It’s one […]
  • We Need to rethink these discount trips
    from: Richard Brace to: Lisa Hunt date: Fri, June 5, 2048 at 5:53 PM subject: Unintended Consequences of our Lowered Pricing Hi Lisa. I’m sorry to contact you about this, but we both know that Eric isn’t himself these days, and I’ve sent numerous messages up the chain with no response. I just want to […]
  • Opposition To Emergency Siren System Grows In Lahaina
    A new multimillion dollar alert system in Lahaina is facing stiff opposition from residents, business owners, and environmentalists alike. A petition has been started asking the county to postpone a scheduled test at the end of this month until a number of concerns have been addressed. The county says that the system is a long […]
  • U.N. Releases Report on Recycling Cartels
    A troubling report was released today about the vast number of men, women, and children who are forced to spend their days sifting through trash looking for valuable recyclables. The U.N. claims that over 3 million people are made to harvest plastics, metals, and other raw materials by so-called “Recycling Cartels”. According to the report, […]
  • Reparre Biologic and Newuskin Announce Partnership
    Reparre Biologic and Newuskin turned the biotech industry on its ear today by announcing a new partnership. Long-time rivals, the Vereserum subsidiary and the medical tech company announced a number of new initiatives and unveiled the fruits of a secret 5-year project; a panther chameleon named Merlin. Known for their vibrant patterns and rapid color-changing […]
  • Lahaina Student Crowned Pacific Fire Knife Champion
    This past weekend, a Lahaina area student was crowned the 2048 Pacific Fire knife Champion. Pu’u sophomore, and dancing prodigy Kaholo Mae beat out competitors from Japan, Tahiti, and a former champion from Samoa to be the youngest person to ever hold the title. This is the first time a Hawaiian has won the top […]
  • Duracave Gets Greenlight For Line of Stomach-Turning Survival Foods
    Cuisine may not be the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the name Duracave, but CEO Barrett Stone hopes he can change your mind. The company, beloved by survivalists and outdoor enthusiasts alike, just received government approval to expand their product line to include a new suite of emergency survival foods. However, […]
  • Hundreds Rescued From Veilcorp “Floatilla Protest”
    Off Baby Beach this morning, the so-called Veilcorp “protest floatilla” dissolved into disarray, less than a week after it began. Hundreds of protestors had to be rescued from the water with dozens being treated for exposure and related injuries. 6 people are in serious condition. Officials say alcohol and drug use contributed to the chaos, […]
  • Magnetic Resonance Device Promises to “Taste” Meat For You
    Researchers from the University of Maui Lahaina College have developed a handheld device that promises to “taste”, and determine the quality of meat without having to cut into it, or put it in your mouth. The device uses the same magnetic resonance imaging technology used in common medical tests to determine the meat’s density, doneness, […]
  • Arrest Highlights Problem With People Living In Lahaina’s Drainage System
    Authorities arrested 38-year-old Sam Pilikia Tuesday for allegedly attempting to steal building supplies and fleeing from officers. While a simple theft may not be especially newsworthy, Sam’s story has garnered a lot of attention. Pilikia is one of dozens living in the drainage system underneath Lahaina and claims he and his “neighbors” needed the construction […]
  • Water Treatment Plant Implements New Purification Process Using SSHAM and Electricity
    Lahaina customers woke up this morning to news that their water will be disinfected using a eyebrow raising new treatment system. The county Department of Water Supply announced that they would be replacing chlorine gas, with SSHAM and electricity to make water safe for the public. Officials say the new process is just as safe […]
  • Ban on Popular Reparre Treatment Dashes the Dreams of Olympic Hopefuls
    Today, in conjunction with the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) and the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency (USADA), The International Olympic Committee announced that they would be adding synthetic stem cells to the list of banned substances. A popular treatment for sports related injuries devised by Reparre Biologic, the decision effectively sidelines a number of athletes who had […]
  • How a simple noodle shop became a Lahaina institution
    With so many things to experience and places to see, new visitors frequently have a hard time deciding what to do while in Lahaina. Options include: snorkeling, whale watching, swimming, golf, eco-tours, ziplines, ATV rides, kayaking, shopping downtown, or just enjoying a beverage on one of the world’s most beautiful beaches. The choices are almost […]
  • Chop House’s Customer Assistant AI a Hit With Tourists
    It seems like every business is using AI for customer interactions these days, from the SSHAM customer service hotline, to the automated city hall kiosks, if you need help, chances are you’ll talk to a machine. Now, one recently released AI assistant, from an unlikely business, is stirring things up in Lahaina. I am speaking […]
  • Permanent Perfume Trial Cancelled Over Side Effects and Health Concerns
    The FDA has ordered a trial involving a new controversial Newuskin procedure shutdown, out of concerns over the procedure’s safety and possible long-lasting side effects. The Permaroma procedure promised patients that their bodies would produce an enduring, personally-tailored smell, removing the need to apply perfume or cologne. While most involved in the Lahaina trials reported […]
  • City Council Votes to Halt Construction of Algae Farm
    Known for delicious pineapples and their one-of-a-kind drone workforce, Ananas Farms is a popular destination for tourists and fruit lovers alike. The hi-tech farm has revitalized pineapple farming on the island almost single-handedly, but their next innovation has run into trouble from the Lahaina City Council. The farm has been building a state-of-the-art algae growing […]
  • Abramo Medical Company Set To Expand As Patient Demand Increases
    When you think about the fast growing bio-medical industry, the first name that comes to mind might not be Bob Abramo, but it should be. Owner of the famous Abramo Chop House, the Lahaina meat mogul is best known for his numerous food enterprises, not medical manufacturing. Nonetheless, Medimeat, his latest endeavor, is becoming one […]
  • Maui Councilman Embroiled in Trash Scandal
    To say that I was stunned by the news this morning is an understatement. Hearing that for the past few months our trash has been traveling to parts unknown because you’ve made a deal with a company that hasn’t been properly vetted is unacceptable. I’m trying very hard to believe that you were ignorant of […]
  • Phxicom AI Joins Protest Over Proposed Forest Reserve Changes
    While the controversy over a proposal that would shrink the West Maui Forest Reserve is still raging across Lahaina, opponents of the law have gained a new and unexpected ally, PHXIE, the popular Phxicom AI. This morning Phxicom customers received a message from the AI urging them to join in the fight to keep the […]
  • Lahaina’s 109-year-old Junior Ranger Patrols the Trails and Keeps Them Safe
    It was a trip of a lifetime for Karen Brodi and her fiancé Lars. The pair had spent the day sightseeing and soaking up the West Maui sun. Hoping to catch a glimpse of a celebrity, they ate lunch at the famous Hula Noodle restaurant and planned on taking a tour of the Thorcon plant […]
  • Self-Lighting Torches Put Lahaina Beautification Project On Hold
    A multi-million dollar beautification project has been put on hold, due to safety concerns over automated tiki torches, that are set to replace streetlights in many Lahaina neighborhoods. Numerous injuries, and at least one fire have been blamed on the high-tech devices lighting prematurely, and failing to automatically extinguish themselves, as they were designed. Creator […]
  • Worldwide SSHAM Shortage Causes Panic In Lahaina
    SSHAM fans across the globe are scrambling to stock up on the popular processed meat product as a strike threatens to cut a quarter of the world’s supply of salty shrimp goodness in a can. Workers at the company’s flagship processing plant in Lahaina are embroiled in a dispute over automation that will displace 30% […]
  • Officials Order Kokua Wellness Center’s “Product Integrity” System Taken Offline
    After a recent round of complaints, including an incident involving an incapacitated teen, officials have ordered the Kokua Wellness Center and Spa to shutdown their controversial new product integrity system. The spa says they need the technology to protect their brand, by eliminating any counterfeit or unapproved products from entering their facility. However, Mayor Albert […]
  • Announcing the Kokua Pet Rejuvenation Center and Spaw
    For over 6 years, The Kokua Wellness center and spa has been the premier destination for mindful relaxation and facilitated personal growth. We strive to not only respect the therapies and techniques of the past but also explore the wonders of cutting-edge technology. We are constantly evaluating new procedures to better serve your needs, and […]
  • Man Who Set Off Massive Fireworks Explosion Files Suit
    The man who set off the massive fireworks explosion in Lahiana last month, injuring 27 people, has filed suit against the county. 51-year-old resident Randy Wilcox accidentally ignited the Fourth of July stockpile while participating in the cleanup effort after the devastating landfall of Hurricane Neki. Wilcox claims that the county failed to take reasonable […]
  • Manimal To Rebuild Lahaina Drainage System Damaged By Hurricane Neki
    Neki was a once-in-a-century hurricane, with record winds and tidal surges. The storm caused hundreds of millions of dollars in damages, and left thousands in its path without homes or utilities. The hurricane’s devastation has been unprecedented, but so has the vast outpouring of support to help rebuild Lahaina. While most of that has been […]
  • Duracave Donates Triage Tents To Help Treat Hurricane Victims
    The fallout from hurricane Neki, which made landfall early Saturday morning, will be felt for years in West Maui, but many who were injured in the storm are feeling the aloha spirit today thanks to Duracave. The company best known for high-end survival gear and portable power supplies has donated several mobile triage tents to […]
  • Lahaina residents bond over SSHAM and sandbags
    Mother nature is not going easy on Maui residents this year. Barely a month into the hurricane season the island has already faced the fury of 3 storms, but none of them have reached the intensity of Neki. The storm has already produced winds of up to 115 mph and meteorologists say that it could […]
  • Unprecedented start to hurricane season has many worried
    2047 is turning out to be the worst hurricane season in recorded history, and that has many Maui residents concerned and looking for answers. Less than two months into the season and the island has already weathered 2 tropical storms and a full fledged hurricane. The extraordinary string of bad weather has many worried that […]
  • Drilling Crew Discovers 600-Year-Old Poi In Ancient Kitchen
    A drilling crew working in Western Maui made an amazing discovery, when they uncovered an ancient food preparation site, and over a dozen containers of poi. Held in handmade wooden vessels, the Hawaiian staple is thought to be over 600-years-old. While it is not unheard of to find ancient foodstuffs, it is extremely rare. Researchers […]
  • The Abramo Meat Museum Is Unfit for Public Consumption
    After contacting representatives from the Department of Health, the Mayor’s Office, and the Better Business Bureau, it has become apparent to me that I will be receiving very little help regarding my complaints about the Abramo Meat Museum. Since the officials of Lahaina have shown that they have no interest in addressing this public hazard, […]
  • Survivors Credit Manimal In Lahaina College Poisoning Incident
    Maui Police say a woman is facing charges after allegedly poisoning her fellow students, and guests attending a sorority fund raiser on Sunday. Officials say they were called to the University of Maui Lahaina College because 20-year-old Holly Kalili was being accused of poisoning dozens of students and guest attending a charity auction. According to […]
  • Popular SSHAM Based Nutritional Drink To be Offered at Lahaina Medical Center
    The Lahaina Medical Center and SSHAM have reached a deal to offer certain patients the canned meat company’s wildly popular new meal replacement drink, Sshamplete. The medical facility says that the drink will be made available to patients suffering from nutritional deficiencies, or having trouble eating their meals. Offering such drinks to patients in medical […]
  • Join Veil Ed In Taking Education Transdimensional
    Congratulations! It has been determined that your company would be a suitable partner in Veil Ed’s exciting new project, the Write Board(™). This exciting new piece of technology is sure to change the game when it comes to distance learning and collaborative education. We can’t do it alone however, and would like to offer you […]
  • 60-year-old Lahaina Man Brings Lawsuit To Lower His Age 20 years
    We live in an amazing time in history. The integration between man and machine has never been tighter thanks to ceremplants, and with Veilcorp technology you can travel the globe virtually instantaneously (once you make it through the security lines), but turning back the hands of time is still a bridge too far, or is […]
  • Escaped Therapy Animals Cause Temporary Lockdown At Lahaina Medical Center
    The Lahaina Medical Center was on lockdown this morning, and sections remained closed for several hours, as DLNR officials and wildlife experts worked to capture numerous escaped animals. Those familiar with the case say a patient accidentally released the wild animals, including an adult wolf, from their carriers letting them run free throughout the facility. […]
  • Lahaina City Council Votes to Put Severe Restrictions On Ceremplant Use
    It many soon be illegal to use your Ceremplant while driving or crossing the street in Lahaina. The proposal passed with a 6-3 vote in favor with Councilmembers Bob Abramo, Annie Martin, and Ernest Malu voting no. A number of larger municipalities have recently passed measures making Ceremplant use while driving punishable with a fine […]
  • Veil Station Review Controversy Hits Lahaina
    It is one of the most recognizable buildings in the world and a West Maui landmark. Lahaina’s veil station is one of Veilcorp’s busiest and an architectural marvel. Nearly 5 million tourists pass through the station’s walls every year. According to online reviews, most of them love their experience. Visitors highlight the many amenities offered […]
  • New Kokua Treatment Promises to get You Sick Ahead of Valentine’s Day
    Lahaina’s Kokua Wellness Center is renowned for its lavish health and beauty treatments, as well as its exclusive clientele, but now a new offering is promising to make Kokua your go-to destination to get sick. Customers receiving the new “Rhinage” therapy inhale a viral-laden mist designed to “train your immune response naturally” and allowing you […]
  • Arrest Made As Rescue Workers Continue To Remove Leis From Wildlife
    An arrest was made today in a case that has thrown Lahaina in the national spotlight and left environmentalists shaking their heads. 43-year-old Gary Puniwale was taken into custody and charged with harassing wildlife after placing leis on hundreds of animals in West Maui including endangered sea turtles and birds. Puniwale claims that he was […]
  • You need to Let me deface your building
    Hello marketing person or entry level communication drone dying inside, and forced to sort out any “unpleasantness” from the public discourse for his boss. If the drone is still reading this, I urge you to reevaluate your life so far. How much can you possibly be making? What do you think being told you’re a […]
  • Is Your Facility Right For Newuskin?
    As you can imagine, demand for our Newuskin tables has been great, to say the least. Vereserum has received so many requests for our technology in fact, that we have put together this guideline to help weed out facilities not ready to properly administer a Newuskin device. It is our hope that this outline will […]
  • Zoo’s Halloween Exhibit Is a Terrifying Treat
    Despite some misgivings after last year’s debacle, I brought my grandchildren to this year’s Halloween exhibit, and I couldn’t have been more impressed. Watching what some of these animals can do was as amazing as it was terrifying. My daughter tells me the kids still haven’t been able to sleep through the night since seeing […]
  • Your Ceremplant Policy is Unacceptable!
    Dear Dean Mahelona, I wanted to attend the University of Maui Lahaina College because I believed it was an institution that emphasized lifelong learning, Native Hawaiian culture, and global understanding. That’s what your brochure said at least, and what I was told at orientation. What I soon learned however, was that you stopped learning decades […]
  • Kohole Mayoral Campaign Picks Up Steam Despite Growing Controversy
    Despite a series of questionable public appearances, and a laundry list of eyebrow raising statements, the Rodger “Rod” Kohole campaign for mayor continues to pick up steam against incumbent Albert Cravalho. Undeterred by the candidate’s comments about removing government protections from natural areas, and advocating the use of violence against his opponents at a campaign […]
  • Chop House Adds Skin-Eating Prawns To Menu
    There may not be a better place to get a steak on the entire planet. Bob Abramo’s Chop House has won numerous awards and the all-you-can-eat Long Pig Buffet is a pork lovers dream. However, the most recent item on the menu has some crawling in their skin. Since the beginning of the month, the […]
  • Lahaina Teen’s Invention Converts Calls of Invasive Frog Into Energy
    West Maui is known across the globe for not only being one of the most beautiful places on Earth, but also as a hotbed of technology and innovation. Now, thanks to a breakthrough made by a Lahaina teen, it may become the birthplace of an energy revolution. 13-year-old Rachel Driscol has created a device that […]
  • Lahaina Inventor Makes Breakthrough In Printable Hair
    Medical technology has improved by leaps and bounds over the past few decades. The development of stem cell therapies has slashed recovery times and provided cures for once terminal diseases. However, one common condition has avoided an easy or affordable solution until now, hair loss. Famed Lahaina inventor Ano Lee says the days of just […]
  • Officials Investigating Unusual SSHAM Oil Fire At Lahaina Facility
    Fire officials in Lahaina say they are still investigating the cause of a major fire that engulfed the SSHAM processing plant Thursday afternoon. While no one was killed in the blaze, dozens were treated for smoke inhalation, and many remain in the Lahaina Medical Center this morning. According to those on the scene, multiple containers […]
  • HealthCare Professionals and Parent Groups Start Petition Seeking Ban on Taste-T App
    Taste-T, the app designed to help you like the taste of foods you normally don’t care for, may be the biggest Ceremplant hit of the year, but not everyone is singing its praises. A coalition of healthcare professionals and parent groups have started a petition to have the popular app banned, and raise awareness to […]
  • My Quest To Damage the Duracave Solar Home Generator
    Dear Duracave customer support I’m not sure you can imagine the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach when I learned that my brother-in-law Jeff had borrowed my Duracave Solar Home Generator (SHG). I couldn’t believe that I let it sit in the box for weeks after I had ordered it. I blamed myself […]
  • Bob Abramo Opens Meat Museum
    How much do you know about the food you eat? If you’re like most people, probably not a whole lot. While interest in locally sourced food and organic farming processes has increased greatly over the years, the day-to-day realities of modern farming and the history of food production remains a subject that most don’t know […]
  • Excitement and Controversy Over Upcoming Veil Stop Announcement Continues
    Veilcorp and the County of Maui are set to announce the locations of the first Veil Stops at the end of the week, amid increasing excitement and swirling controversy. Many still consider the next generation public transportation system a wonder, while some worry about safety and improper government influence. A number of recent reports regarding […]
  • Lahaina Spa Offering “Prawn Massages” To Clients
    World-renowned for its high-end beauty treatments and a client list that includes some of Lahaina’s most influential people, The Kokua Wellness Center and Spa is not afraid to push the boundaries of health and wellness. The center was one of the first to offer cutting edge Newuskin technology to its customers, as well as providing […]
  • Association Seeks to Ban SSHAM Oil Production In Lahaina
    SSHAM oil may be the hottest health and beauty product on the shelves this year, but not everyone is singing its praises. A wedding planner organization is seeking to shut down the production of the uniquely smelling oil in Lahaina, saying the odor associated with its manufacture is driving tourists away. SSHAM says that they […]
  • Big Bites Stores To Host “Beat The Heat” Sleepover Nights for Customers
    There’s no doubt that the unprecedented heat wave of the 40’s has caused plenty of problems across Maui. With 2046 on track to be the hottest year in recorded history, many are finding it hard to get a good night’s sleep through the sweltering heat. Chop House and Big Bites store owner Bob Abramo says […]
  • Iron SSHAM Recalled After Dozens Injured by Bits of Metal
    SSHAM lovers across Hawaii are checking their pantries today, after the company announced a massive recall. Wednesday night SSHAM recalled over 100,000 pounds of their new Iron SSHAM product over concerns of contamination. Dozens have been injured by metal bits found inside the new canned meat product. This is not the first time that the […]
  • Law That Would Put Quota On Veil Travelers Passes
    Amongst cheers from its supporters and threats of legal action from the opposition, the InterIsland Preservation and Travel Act (IPTA) was passed today. The law would establish tough new regulations on the use of Veil transportation on any of the Hawaiian islands and impose a quota on the number of monthly visitors. Many native Hawaiians […]
  • Business Enacts Hiring Freeze On People Who Have Used Veil Travel
    2046 was going to be the year that 37-year-old Sam Pilikia got his life back on track. It had been 3 years since his headline-making accident at the Lahaina veil station and his long road to recovery. The doctors had cleared him for work and with over a decade of experience as a lift operator, […]
  • Veilcorp Debuts “Potato Day” Campaign
    It’s been called childish, inane, banal, senseless, and ridiculous by some, but many travelers look forward to Veilcorp’s April 1st marketing campaign every year. The company’s unique annual announcements have become a much loved company tradition, even though a few complain that the campaigns make the 1st the worst day to travel. This year was […]
  • Manimal Infused “Turbo Ham” a Hit for Big Bites Stores
    Last month, one of Maui’s most famous business chains, Bob Abramo’s Big Bites convenience stores announced that it was partnering with Manimal, one of Lahaina’s most iconic brands, to offer one on the most unique energy products ever conceived, “Turbo Ham.” The energy drink company said that it had devised a way to infuse one […]
  • Group Offers $2K to Go “Veil-Free” For a Week
    There’s no doubt that Veil technology has become an integral part of our lives. Over the past two decades, Veilcorp has become the largest corporation the world has ever seen and partnerships with the megacorp have become essential to businesses in most major cities. Virtually all travel is done through a Veilcorp facility and here […]
  • The Cruise Was Lovely Until The Quarantine
    Dear Sarah, I’m sure you and the rest of the family have been following the events over here closely. Heck, you may be more up-to-date with things than we are, this quarantine is for the birds! Your father and I are pretty much relegated to sitting in our room most of the day. Since my […]
  • Popular “Smart Drug” To Come With Warning After Reports of Injuries
    Reparre Biologic has announced that they will start including a strong warning with their nootropic medication, “Precisionoll”. The drug has become wildly popular with young adults as a study and focus aid, but the medication’s ability to boost hand-eye coordination has led to a number of troubling incidents. Dozens have been seriously injured while trying […]
  • Veilcorp Unveils Plan For Public “Veil Stop” Network In Lahaina
    In the past two decades veil technology has changed the face of long distance travel. Veilcorp has made the dream of near instant world transit a reality and dominates the global business and leisure travel market. Now, with a new plan for a public transportation system in Lahiana, the company appears ready to change the […]
  • SSHAM Announces This Year’s Canned Holiday Feast Menu
    For some it’s when the first holiday lights show up, for others it’s hanging the stockings, but for a growing number of Maui natives, the first sure sign that Christmas is near is the unveiling of SSHAM’s yearly canned feast. Better known as the “Sheast,” the canned Christmas feast has become a staple for many […]
  • DLNR’s New Plan for Invasive Species: Eat the Invaders
    The Hawaii Department of Land and Natural Resources (DLNR) has started an innovative and unusual campaign to rid Maui of one of the fastest-growing invasive species, the Red Swamp Crayfish. According to the DLNR, the crayfish eats crops, damages land, kills native species, are easy to catch, and are absolutely delicious. They are counting on […]
  • First Phase of Next-Generation Telemedicine Trial Nears Completion
    Imagine a time when most of your medical issues can be treated from the comfort of your own home rather than going to the hospital. For many patients it would be a dream come true. Studies have shown that people recovering in a familiar and comfortable environment, like their homes, have much better outcomes and […]
  • Turn Your Backyard Into a Paradise With Pacific Home Tiki Torches
    Pacific Home Handcarved Wooden Tiki Torch Average Customer rating: 4.5/5 Description: Turn your backyard into a Hawaiian paradise with Pacific Home’s unique tiki torches. Summertime in your backyard is meant to be enjoyed with friends and family. Nothing transports you to a relaxing island destination like the natural flame ambience of Pacific Home handcarved torches. […]
  • Massive SSHAM recall over concerns of contaminated shrimp
    SSHAM ordered a massive recall of over 500,000 cans of SSHAM, SSHAM Less, and SSHAM Extra Spicy today after a major shrimp supplier was forced to shut down. An FDA investigation found a number of serious violations at the Pilua Shrimp Farm, including the use of prohibited feed and illegal antibiotics. This is the first […]
  • Automated Phixicom System Exposes Flaws, Displays Inappropriate Content During Festival
    Many attending the annual Capital Days celebration downtown, were exposed to a little more than they expected Saturday afternoon, when a new Phxicom presentation service malfunctioned displaying snippets of inappropriate videos to the assembled crowd. The incident happened during an appearance of noted author, and Lahaina native Kevin Morrow, who was promoting his newest book, […]
  • Trapped Children Credit Quick thinking and Doughnuts for Survival
    The saga of 4 Lahaina children trapped inside a barrier wall came to an end today, when rescuers were able to safely remove them from the cavity that they had been huddled in for almost a week. Officials say that the construction drones that were building the wall failed to recognize that the children were […]
  • Company Offers Chance for Lost Loved Ones to Live On Digitally
    The death of a loved one may be one of the hardest events that anyone has to go through. The loss can be devastating, and it’s common to wish that you had just a few more days. According to Living Memory, a hi-tech memorial company, you can have more than just another day or two […]
  • Burgeoning Hawaiian Lobster Industry Blames Veilcorp For Weaker Shells
    A record number of people across the globe enjoyed cracking open a Hawaiian lobster last year, but that experience depends on one thing – the lobster surviving the journey alive. A growing number of lobster with extremely soft shells have been harvested in Maui waters, and it has the budding industry scrambling for answers. Many […]
  • Bob Abramo to open “Big Bites” store in Lahaina
    Starting tomorrow Lahaina residents will have a big choice when it comes to convenience stores. The much anticipated grand opening of Bob Abramo’s “Big Bites” store is sure to bring in meat lovers and the curious from across the island. For weeks reports of the meat-centric convenience store and some of its unique products have […]
  • Pu’u Lava Sled Team Faces Cheating Allegations
    Collegiate sports are a multibillion dollar industry in this country. With all that money at stake, cheating and ineligibility scandals have become all too common place. Many high profile schools have come under investigation, and the problem has begun to spread to other educational institutions. Recruiters are increasingly pressuring high school programs to cut corners […]
  • SSHAM Unveils a Trio of Limited Time Flavors to Celebrate 15th Anniversary
    For weeks, canned meat lovers across the islands, and the world, have been waiting to hear what new special flavor SSHAM would be releasing to celebrate their 15th anniversary. If initial reactions are any indication, they did not disappoint. This morning, SSHAM creator and CEO Art Pua’a announced that the company would be releasing not […]
  • Manimal Light Makes Its Debut Despite Criticisms
    Refreshment fans, hydration enthusiasts, and the curious alike, were lined up outside the Lahainaluna Road Big Bites store this morning, in anticipation of the debut of the first new Manimal product in almost four years. The company has been promoting Manimal Light as a “breakthrough in exhilaration, offering the same reinvigorating properties of regular Manimal, […]
  • Spa Faces Backlash Over New Astrological Pricing
    Lahaina’s Kokua Wellness Center and Spa is world renowned for its exclusive clientele, cutting-edge health services, and high-end beauty treatments, but a new pricing scheme has many long-time customers seeing red. The bastion of serenity has ruffled plenty of feathers recently with their introduction of an astrological pricing system. The price of many popular treatments […]
  • Feds say Veil Scout leader ran exotic animal smuggling ring
    Federal authorities say that they have shut down one of the largest exotic animal smuggling rings that they have ever seen over the weekend. 56-year-old Dan Mercola is accused of illegally transporting and selling thousands of rare and exotic animals over the past year. While that’s enough to stock a small zoo, it’s the way […]
  • Lahaina Man Accused of Hijacking Boat Filled With Tourists and Harassing Whales
    A group of tourists went on a whale watching tour they’ll never forget on Sunday, when their boat was hijacked by 39-year-old Gary Puniwale. Officials say Puniwale grew tired of waiting at dock after the boat’s captain suffered a medical emergency. After untying mooring lines, Puniwale slipped into the bridge, and took the boat out […]
  • New Abramo Chop House Menu Unveiled
    Welcome to Robert Abramo’s Chop House on Aloha Shores. We pride ourselves on being a meat eater’s dream. All of our beef is USDA Prime, and our pork is organic and locally sourced. Our meats are all hand carved from the whole animal to ensure quality and value. You may be wondering why there are […]
  • Pu’u Whiz Kid Takes Top Honor At Robotics Competition
    A Pu’u Middle School student has won the prestigious HELLP Robotics competition, beating out hundreds of other students from across Hawaii. 11-year-old Rachel Driscol, a 6th grader at Pu’u, took the top honor Sunday, making her the youngest winner in the history of the competition. This year, the robots had to autonomously navigate a simulated […]
  • Veilad Wants to Help You Power Your Vehicle
    A popular program in Lahaina that offers charging credits for electric vehicles in exchange for advertising is set to expand to all of Hawaii. The expansion comes just one year before the state mandated goal of having all ground transportation use renewable energy sources. Started in early 2043, the plan is a joint venture between […]
  • Booming Urchin Venom Industry Blamed for Troubling New Fad
    The demand for sea urchin venom for use in medical research has never been greater, and few places have benefited as much as Lahaina. It seems as if a new extraction business is opening on every corner. The industry’s amazing growth (over 200% in the last 6 months alone) has spurred a modern day venom […]
  • Lahaina Fire Department Hosts Luau Fundraiser
    As I’m sure many of you have heard, a recent call at the power plant turned bad and exposed the limits of some of our gear. The fire proximity suits and the standard breathing apparatus issued to all of our people proved to be insufficient to protect us from the effects of the 127 fire. […]
  • Supplemental Interview covering the Incident on 6/6/2043
    I understand that the events on 6/6/2043 are incredible, that why I put “wrong side of probability/fate” into box 13 when asked for the underlying cause of the accident. I continue to stand by that assessment. My foreman Frank and I were the only ones scheduled to work the night shift leaving me to move […]
  • Noodle shop teaches kids that recycling can be fun
    Over the past 18 years Hula Noodle has grown from a favorite eatery for the locals to a Lahaina tourist destination. Run by Ralph Umeke, (Uncle Ralph to Lahaina residents), the shop is well known as being one of the best places around to grab a delicious bowl of food and catch up on the […]
  • Lifetime SSHAM Giveaway Cancelled After Backlash Over New Flavor
    The smell of disappointment and shrimped-spiced meat is in the air today, as SSHAM announced that it was cancelling its “Give A SSHAM” contest over protests about its new recipe. SSHAM had already announced the three finalists in the contest to promote the new improved flavor of the beloved canned meat product, but a vocal […]
  • Lahaina Sanctuary Lets Over 700 Cats Live A Pampered Life
    Offering: clean water, good food, 6 miles of cat “highways”, automated toys, a drone cleaning system, and limitless petting, the Lahaina Cat Sanctuary has been called a feline paradise. Founded in March 2028 by owner and Executive Director Felix Popoki, and dubbed “Whisker Island” by its fans, the sanctuary is currently home to over 700 […]
  • Company Offers Homes that you can Veil
    Construction company owner Ronnie Kalipalani didn’t think that one of his pet projects would make him famous. He certainly never dreamed that it would have many hailing him as a housing innovator, but that’s what has happened to the 38-year-old Lahaina resident. Kalipalani’s “Veil Houses” have renewed enthusiasm in the tiny house movement and municipalities […]
  • What the Veilcorp travel ban reminded me, and what we can all learn from it
    It’s been just over a month since my exclusive interview with Eric Oeming and a couple months since the company stopped enforcing its media “travel ban”. In my 20 years at the Seattle Times I’ve covered a number of high-profile stories: Government corruption, the dismantling of the largest human trafficking ring the country has ever […]
  • Automated Maintenance Drones Keep Neighborhood In Good Repair
    Home repairs and maintenance just got a whole lot easier in one Lahaina neighborhood with the unveiling of a group of automated maintenance drones. Created and conceived by local inventor Ano Lee, the drones can take care of most external home repairs as well as handle basic construction. Under the watchful eye of Tanager Lane […]
  • Record Setting Solar Prominence Highlighted By Eclipse Remains a Mystery
    The eclipse on April 20 attracted astronomers, amateur stargazers, and eclipse chasers from all over to the island. The exceptionally dry and clear weather of West Maui makes it a perfect place to view astronomical events. A partial eclipse isn’t the rarest event in the universe but what was discovered that day is changing what […]
  • 10 questions with Veilcorp’s new COO Lisa Hunt
    The past year has been a rollercoaster for Veilcorp. The terrorist attack at a company Luau this past spring led to a small decline in gateway travel and questions about safety. The remarkable recovery of Eric Oeming and his return to Lahaina was the feel good story of the year. However, rumors began to surface […]
  • SSHAM Stories Are Your Stories
    For over 12 years you’ve counted on SSHAM to satisfy your spicy-shrimped-salted-ham cravings. What started as an accident in the kitchen of our founder, Art Pua’a, has become the world’s fastest selling canned meat product. Our “Tell us what you do with your SSHAM” campaign has been a huge success thanks to you. With your […]
  • Ronnie Kalipalani Construction Should be Shutdown
    To whom it may concern at the Aloha Businesses Bureau, I’ve been in the real estate business for a long time and I thought I’d seen it all. I’ve encountered people trying to pass off fake permits and licenses. I once hired a landscaping company that turned out to be a Gaia Guard front. I’ve […]
  • Hearings Continue Over Alleged Veilcorp Rendition Program
    Imagine returning home from your dream vacation. You’re dreading going back to work the next day and you briefly consider how difficult it would be to call in sick before stepping into the gateway. As your vision clears, you see that you’re not in your local veilstation. You are surrounded by masked people holding weapons. […]
  • Case In Third Veilcorp Bombing Suspect Faces Legal Roadblock
    The case against the third suspect in the Veilcorp Luau bombing has hit a major roadblock. While she is still being held for trial, attorneys for 35-year-old Sierra Tabot have alleged that major pieces of evidence in the case against her were obtained improperly as part of a wide-ranging illegal rendition program. They contend that […]
  • Information Released About Second Suspect As Bombing Case Moves Into Penalty Phase
    On May 7, 2041 a shocked world could finally put a face to the tragedy that had dominated the news for days. 37-year-old Ben Drakes confessed to the bombing attack at a Veilcorp company Luau that left 10 dead and dozens injured. Veilcorp’s founder Eric Oeming was seriously injured in the explosion and his wife […]
  • Charges Dropped Against Mother Accused of Removing Her Daughter’s Ceremplant
    Charges have been dismissed against a West Maui woman who faced possible jail time after having her 14-year-old daughter’s ceremplant removed as punishment, after the girl got in trouble at school. Gina Hekili of Lahaina says she was “just trying to be a responsible parent” when she had the ceremplant removed, but was arrested on […]
  • Veilcorp Begins Massive Urchin Restoration Project
    For hundreds of years the Hawaiian islands have had a problem with invasive species. From the introduction of rats and feral pigs, to more recent invaders like the brown tree snake and coconut rhinoceros beetle, all have had a major impact on island ecology. Invasive species aren’t just confined to terrestrial areas either. For decades […]
  • Eric Oeming Returns To Veilcorp but Not the Public Eye
    His story influenced countless young scientists and his inventions changed life as we know it. The attempt on his life earlier this year shocked billions, but his recovery after the loss of his family and co-workers was an inspiration. Eric Oeming had returned home and was going back to work soon. Lahaina had survived the […]
  • Eric Oeming’s Personal Log: 9/26/2041
    My Dearest Tracy and Alohi, It’s been 3,491 hours since they took you away from me, and I’ve felt every second. I can hardly believe that you’re not here but the pain in my head and the emptiness remind me that it’s true. I don’t have the words to describe the void inside me. Sometimes […]
  • New Service Promises To Travel the Veil and Quit Your Job For You
    A record number of people used Veil travel to get to a destination last year, but many of these travelers aren’t just taking vacations. More and more, people are using the Veil to get to work, as well as to have some fun in the sun. This has created a labor pool of unprecedented size […]
  • Tipline Shutdown After Swatting Incident, Local Man Arrested
    The Lahaina Police Department have temporarily shutdown their ceremplant tipline, Tel-IT, only months after its launch. A second swatting incident, this time at the popular Abramo Chop House, has officials saying that they will take a closer look at how the system operates, and add training to better deal with false reports. Nobody was seriously […]
  • New App Helps Farmers Find Love For Their Livestock
    It seems that there is no shortage of dating apps on the market these days. No matter how small the community, or niche the activity you are interested in, there is an app to pair you with like-minded individuals. However, up until now there hasn’t been an app to find that perfect match for livestock, […]
  • Company trying to bring gambling to veil travel hits government roadblock
    The Hawaiian Gaming Control Board has secured an injunction against a company seeking to offer gambling to people traveling through the veil. For over 6 months customers have been shown ads during the veiling process, and Gammbet says they just want to offer travelers another entertainment option while in the matter stream. Because the gambling […]
  • Eric Oeming Discharged from Hospital
    Eric Oeming was discharged from the hospital today, a little over 2 weeks after the bombing that claimed 10 lives including his wife and daughter, and shocked the world. He regained consciousness in Queen’s Medical Center in Honolulu on May 10th and has undergone several procedures since. Oeming hasn’t been seen or given a public […]
  • Eric Oeming’s Personal Log: 5/14/2041
    At the picnic, I had stepped up to the stage. My old friend Jai had given my introduction. I was planning on showing our latest hohlraum for the next version of the veil. This beautiful jewel, a small container of 127 that had be entangled for all time with another, was extremely durable, but it […]
  • Arrest Made In Veilcorp Bombing attack
    An arrest has been made today in the Veilcorp Luau bombing attack. 38-year-old Ben Drakes turned himself in to authorities this morning, claiming responsibility for the bombing which killed 10 and left 39 injured. Among the dead were Tracy and Alohi Oeming, wife and daughter of Veilcorp’s founder Eric Oeming. Eric himself remains in a […]
  • Tracy and Alohi Oeming, Friends and Family, Died on May 4th, Aged 39 and 10
    It was Thanksgiving. The day of reckoning for her uncle Frank. The shed had been delivered in pieces months before and his procrastination had finally caught up to him. Her father and grandfather were out there too, feeling the tug of war between family obligation and watching the game on a warm couch. The first […]
  • Eric Oeming Injured, Wife and Daughter Among Those Killed In Explosion
    All eyes are on Lahaina this evening as more information has been released about an explosion at a Veilcorp company luau this morning. It has now been confirmed that Tracy and Alohi Oeming, wife and daughter of Veilcorp’s founder Eric Oeming, are among the 9 confirmed dead. Other names are being withheld until officials can […]
  • Explosions Reported at Veilcorp Luau
    LADV_NEWSALERT0016::TITLE::[[Explosions Reported at Veilcorp Luau]]::BOMBING::MAY042041::CAUSALTIES::[[20.917374,-156.696434]]::LASTMOD::[[2251250532]] Multiple reports have been coming in over the past hour that there has been an explosion at the annual Veilcorp ‘Innovators Luau’. First responders confirm that numerous people have been injured, many of them critically. They will not confirm or deny that there have been any deaths so far. Sources […]
  • Veilcorp AI Will Testify Before Hawaiian Senate as a Witness For the First Time
    The Hawaiian Senate Technology Select Committee will hold a special evidence session regarding autonomous drones, artificial intelligence (AI), and the fourth industrial revolution this Friday, July 15th. While there will be many witnesses discussing job loss due to automation, as well as privacy and safety concerns, one is sure to stand out because she isn’t […]
  • Get What You Need with Dispensed-4-Me
    Are You Ready to Live a Happier, More Fulfilled Life? A recent survey shows that at least one in six Hawaiians experience anxiety and depression during their day, and the problem is even worse on the mainland. Studies show that more than 93 million Americans between 18-85 will experience a mental health issue in their […]
  • Company Set To Sell Missed Veilcorp Travel Slots
    There’s no doubt that Veilcorp has changed the face of travel and transportation. Almost 3 billion travelers used Veilcorp to reach their destinations last year, and that number is expected to almost double in the next 10 years. Up until now, one of Veilcorp’s biggest logistical problems has been handling last minute cancellations and late […]
  • Online Academy Founded By Lahaina Inventor Accused Of Teaching Conspiracies and Slang
    The State Attorney General Office says they will look into numerous complaints about a popular online academy based in Lahaina. Launched late last year, Academic-Lee, promises students a “…new kind of education for a new kind of world.” With a free curriculum heavy on math and science, and numerous elective classes available for purchase, the […]
  • Legal Notice For Anyone Who Had Identical Twins or Triplets After Veil Travel
    Attention Anyone Who Has Traveled Using Velicorp Technology and Experienced a Multiple Birth. Your Rights May Have Been Violated. For many, the birth of a child is a time of celebration. A milestone moment that harkens a new chapter of growth, and happiness in a family. In fact, some cultures believe that individuals are not […]
  • How To Communicate the News About the Train Station In a Responsible Way
    Dear city council, Like many in Lahaina, I was delighted when I heard about the inter-island rail project. Having an easy way to travel across the island and to Lanai seemed like a great idea, even considering the level of profanity that public transportation evokes. When I learned that Veilcorp was pulling out last year […]
  • Services At County Satellite Kiosks Remain Limited After Security Breach
    9 automated city hall kiosks remain closed today, after an apparent security breach that disrupted services and put the data of thousands in jeopardy. Hundreds have experienced ongoing issues with the Phxicom systems. Officials say that If the problem is not resolved by Saturday, they are considering asking police to waive citations to drivers with […]
  • Veilcorp Introduces “Catastrophe Pricing”
    There’s no doubt that losing a home to flood or fire can be devastating. Handling the logistics of finding housing, navigating insurance claims, and picking up the pieces of your life can be a daunting task and it seems like taking a vacation would be the last thing on your mind. However, Veilcorp is launching […]
  • Case highlights lingering legal questions about veil travel
    Last year 181 countries came together to sign the Gateway Travel accord, making veil travel legal across most of the world. The agreement set rules about trade between countries, addressed questions about the type of goods that could be moved across borders, and established guidelines about sharing information. Veil travel is easily the most popular […]
  • Local residents turn unclaimed items into big business
    Forgetting your bags or misplacing a souvenir while on vacation is something that everyone can relate to, but two local men have figured out a way to turn other people’s carelessness into cash. Lahaina’s own John Driscol and Randy Wilcox have joined the growing ranks of people purchasing abandoned freight and forgotten luggage and turning […]
  • Our SSHAM Issues Just Took a Strange Turn
    from: Richard Yates to: Bill Stewart date: Wed, Aug 08, 2040 at 11:53 AM subject: SSHAM Issues I’ve been told that you’ve been made aware of our SSHAM issues already but wanted a detailed description from me. I have to tell you that this thing has gotten stranger and stranger by the day. What happened […]
  • Reality Machine wants to sell your products
    You are receiving this message because your business has been identified as a potential partner for an exciting new promotion with Veilcorp’s most successful spin-off, Reality Machine. You already know how groundbreaking our technology is. Reality Machine has long been the industry standard in remote commerce. Our proven track record and quality products speak for […]
  • What is VeilWatch?
    From the About Page: VeilWatch is a multi-national organization dedicated to freedom and the accountability of Veilcorp. It was founded by Tim Durney in 2035. Veil watch specializes in obtaining, analyzing, and disseminating documents and materials pertaining to government collusion and the illegal activities of Veilcorp. To date we have released over 4 million documents […]
  • Ano Lee given award for unique summer enrichment program
    Inventor Ano Lee has been given a coveted Kahu award for a summer enrichment program designed to teach kids about the seafaring history of the Polynesian people. Kids enrolled in the 6 week program build a replica of a traditional sea-going canoe, while learning how their ancestors navigated the open ocean with nothing but the […]
  • Protests Shutdown Veilcorp Facilities Nationwide
    Three Veilcorp facilities closed today due to a number of organized protests across the country. While dozens of smaller protests have sprung up at various company buildings, protests in Detroit, Seattle, and Lahaina have been exceptionally large. So far the demonstrations have been peaceful and officials have urged restraint on both sides due to the […]
  • Shawn’s customer interactions are getting better but still need to improve
    It has been 5 weeks since we turned over all customer service duties to the Shawn AI system. Despite initial misgivings and a couple of hiccups along the way, the system is doing remarkably well representing the SSHAM brand in a positive way. Shawn’s ability to handle multiple calls at once while monitoring plant operations […]
  • Child Stuck In Ventilation Duct Shuts Down Lahaina Veil Station
    David and Marla King’s Lahaina vacation didn’t end Saturday afternoon quite the way they had envisioned. Their 6-year-old son Dolton crawled inside an open ventilation duct in the Lahaina Municipal Veil Station while the family waited to return home, and remained trapped for over 4 hours before being rescued by emergency officials, and Veilcorp staff. […]
  • Leaked Email Exposes Gruesome Tests and Dangers of Veiled Food
    from: Harold Breen to: Dr. Robert Coney date: Mon, Jan 05, 2037 at 10:53 AM subject: FDA Approval and Taste Tests We have ran into a potential stumbling block with our FDA approval. I just wanted to touch base with you to discuss the situation and let you know how I think we should handle […]
  • Inter Island Rail Project Put On Hold After VeilCorp Pulls Out
    Like many of you I was excited when I was approached about the idea of the inter-island rail system. Having a fast and affordable way to travel over and between Maui and Lanai seemed like a great plan. The traffic from VeilCorp employee’s alone would have paid for the project within 15 years according to […]
  • Gateway Technology Gets Travel Approval Worldwide
    The United States joined 181 other countries today in signing the contentious Gateway Travel Accord. Sponsored by the United States and China, negotiations started last year to make the near instantaneous transport system legal for personal travel worldwide. Despite heavy opposition from a number of trade unions, security experts, and environmentalists, the new agreement will […]
  • Losers Fly. Veil today!
    Spend 20 minutes in line for a spot in front of a bag check-in terminal. Spend 10 minutes waiting for the bag drop. Walk 20 minutes to Security and spend 15 minutes in the security line (if you’re lucky! ) Have TSA ogle you in the nudiescanners. Walk to the gate. Wait for the flight […]
  • Inventor Develops Pineapple Picking Drones
    Hawaii was once responsible for 80% of the world’s pineapple production, but times have changed. Economic realities and a decrease in available farmland have pushed most production to Central and South America. The fruit that is so synonymous with the islands is only grown commercially by a handful of farms on Maui today. One such […]
  • Veilcorp and Lahaina Rally Around Injured Tourist With History of Vacation Mishaps
    A Colorado man is recovering in the Lahaina Medical Center this morning, after suffering a severe stingray attack yesterday, while wading in the Baby Beach area with his wife. Stingray attacks can be very painful and require medical attention, but doctors realized 60-year-old Robert Waldowski’s injuries were quite serious, after x-rays revealed that a portion […]
  • Service Helps Customers Find a Free Meal and Curtail Food Waste
    If one Maui resident has his way, you’ll never have to eat alone again. Famed inventor and Lahaina native Ano Lee has created a service to help customers locate communal meals near them. The “Featser” service offers the hungry: “a real-time map with the closest luau or potluck in your area, alerts warning you when […]
  • Your Box Service Needs Some Serious Work
    For months I had been hearing about VeilBox everywhere I went. It was all anyone in the neighborhood could talk about, but I was skeptical. The idea of getting a package once a month filled with random items that I didn’t get to pick out was not appealing to me. I’m the kind of guy […]
  • Kalani Custom Boards Push the Boundaries of Surfing Technology
    As undisputed queen of the surf Layla Kalani reigns supreme in the sport of surfing. As the Womanimal spokesperson she has become one of the most recognized faces in the world. Now, despite initial concerns about price and design, she is poised to become the producer of the greatest surf boards ever created. Kalani Custom […]
  • Baby Born In Veilstation Gifted Free Travel For Life
    Veilcorp has just given a newborn child a birthday gift that is going to be hard for his parents to beat. The company says it will award the boy free tickets for life after being born in the Lahaina veilstation. Harrison Veil Lehmann was born Saturday evening on a bench near the arrival gate after […]
  • Construction of Hoku Telescope completed at “Science City”
    After 5 years of construction atop the dormant volcano Haleakala, the Hoku Telescope is set to become the latest research tool in what is commonly called “Science City.” The result of a partnership between the U.S. Department of Defense, The Air Force, The University of Maui Lahaina College, and Veilcorp, the telescope will become an […]
  • Turbine Manufacturer Takes On Veilcorp with Energy Plan
    To say that Veilcorp has been booming the past 5 years is an understatement. The company is now the biggest player in domestic commercial transportation. It is estimated that almost 70% of products shipped in the U.S. spend at least some time passing through a Veilcorp facility. New Veilstations are popping up all over the […]
  • Hailoha-Health Set To Expand To Big Island Despite Concerns
    Hailoha’s latest offering, Hailoha-Health, was launched late last year to much fanfare. The service targeting: healthcare providers, hospitals, imaging facilities, clinics, and those unable to drive themselves to appointments, has driven a rocky road over the past 3 months. Despite numerous complaints about the service, particularly by a wide range of Lahaina medical professionals, Hailoha […]
  • Kokua Wellness Center’s Hot Yoga Program Raises Concerns
    Well known for their exclusive clientele, as well as their unconventional classes and treatments, the Kokua Wellness Center and Spa is often the subject of media attention. However, it is not the latest Layla Kalani sighting that has the spa in the news today, it’s the centers first offsite hot yoga program. With classes such […]
  • Hundreds of Customers Not Thankful For New Ceremplant Dark Mode
    A Vereserum app that was supposed to aid customers survive those long Thanksgiving dinners with relatives has turned into a horror story for users across Maui. Part of a Ceremplant “Home for the Holidays” pack, the program featured face-swapping technology and a special dark mode to allow users to “…attach a friendlier face to your […]
  • New app allows public to report violations in the preservation zone
    People witnessing a violation of preservations zone rules just got an easy way to report the infractions using their smart device or their ceremplant. The Department of Land and Natural Resources (DLNR), in association with the county of Maui, created an app called PZTip. It allows you to report a violation by providing details, photos, […]
  • The Kokua Wellness Center Has Limited Spots Available, Apply Now!
    For the past 9 years, you’ve come to know the Kokua Wellness Center and Spa as the premier destination for mindful relaxation and facilitated personal growth. The beauty of our Maui location is matched only by the grace of our teachers and programs. We truly appreciate the trust and spiritual relationships you’ve formed with us […]
  • VeilCorp Lab Vandalized, Animals Stolen
    from: Heather Ward to: Robert Bennett date: Wed, May 9, 2035 at 7:53 AM subject: I Need These Rats Gone Hi Robert Let me start off by saying how proud I am to be able to help you with the work that you do. We both know how important it is and how we need […]
  • Email Proves VeilCorp Knows Gateway Technology Is Dangerous
    from: Dr. Robert Coney to: Eric Oeming date: Mon, Jul 12, 2027 at 9:53 AM subject: R2137 “Brisby” Update As you requested I’m sending this update on subject R2137, “Brisby” to your private address. Last Thursday we successfully teleported R2137 across the lab without traumatic injury to the rat. A full physical showed no significant […]
  • Update on the incident at Pine Bridge
    Good morning Dr. Oeming. As I’m sure you’ve already been informed, we had a possible security concern when some of the escaped R2137 or “Brisby” rats were discovered in the small town of Pine Bridge, Georgia. I’ve just completed a tour of the facility in which they had been living, recovered our animals and have […]
  • Countdown to Manimal’s 100 Billionth Can Has Lahaina Buzzing
    All of Lahaina is buzzing with anticipation this week, as the Manimal bottling facility is set to bottle the 100 billionth can of Manimal. 14 years ago the first can of Manimal was produced in a small West Maui plant, with the hopes and dreams of less than a dozen employees riding on the cans […]
  • Manimal Releases Enormous “Herd-Sized” Cans To the Public
    For Manimal fans, there’s never been bigger news. Today the much-hyped “Herd-Sized” cans go on sale to the general public. Coming in at just over 36 gallons, the company says the enormous cans are targeted at a generation “used to abundance,” and will provide “sustained energy for even the most rabid fan for up to […]
  • Coast Guard Rescues Tourists From Runaway Drone Ship
    A pair of tourists were rescued late Sunday evening, after the navigation system of their drone sailboat malfunctioned, causing the vessel to travel back and forth across the Auau Channel, between Maui and Lanai. The crew of a U.S. Coast Guard boat were able to board the runaway vessel near Lahaina Harbor, and rescue 67-year-old […]
  • Officials Say Unwitting Driver Helped Thieves In Burglary Spree
    Lahaina Police arrested three men late Sunday evening for breaking into at least 4 homes in the Black Rock Beach area, and stealing property. 28-year-old Tim Luahi and his cousin 25-year-old Ollie Luahi are facing multiple counts of robbery and grand larceny, but it is the role of the third man, 30-year-old Mark Me’e that […]
  • Lahaina Man Invents Printable Shark Mitigation System
    The spring season is just around the corner and the island is about to see a big increase in surfers. With half of Maui situated within 5 miles of the coast, it is no wonder that so many seek out the waves. Whether it is the big consistent waves of the North shore or the […]
  • Reparre Biologic’s President Shawn Hastings Answers Your Questions
    A few weeks ago you had a chance to ask Shawn Hastings, President of Reparre Biologic, about the future of stem-cell therapy and personalized DNA medicine. Reparre has been in the news recently after they unveiled their prototype next-generation medical equipment. Their portable medical station and handheld injectors have huge implications for people in remote […]
  • Veilcorp Transports Contaminated Animals To Lahaina Facility
    from: Dr. Robert Coney to: Eric Oeming date: Fri, Oct. 12, 2036 at 5:53 PM subject: Update and relocation of 6th Generation R2137 “Brisby” Line A little over 9-years-ago we successfully sent subject R2137, (aka: Brisby), through the gateway and discovered that the process had made some profound changes in the animal. At that time […]
  • Drivers Protesting New “Hailoha-Lit” Service
    A pilot program designed to curtail drunk driving in West Maui over the holidays has some hopping mad. For over a month now, Hailoha-Lit has offered anyone a free ride if they find themselves on Front Street after a night of celebrating without a way to get home. A partnership between the city of Lahaina […]
  • If You Want Warm Cookies In the Jungle This VeilCorp Spin-Off Has Some Good News
    Reality Machine, a daughter company to VeilCorp, plans on using gateway technology to help supply people in remote locations of the globe. Their prototype machine combines 3d-printing technology with a small internal gateway able to transport small items, about the size of a loaf of bread. Lead designer Bill Stewart says the machine still has […]
  • Reality Machine Promo Materials With Edits From Marketing
    All-in-one (Can we use the word “complete” here? All-in-one sounds like something you’d buy online at 3am -KY) maintenance machines have offered businesses and consumers alike a simple and convenient solution for repairs at a lower cost than traditional brick and mortar repair shops (Nobody says brick and mortar anymore, grandpa!- RB), as well as […]
  • Man Blames Malfunctioning Privacy Setting for Million Dollar Vandalism Spree
    18-year-old Peter Kolohe was arraigned today for vandalising over a dozen businesses on Front Street, resulting in over a million dollars worth of damage. Thousands watched Kolohe over the weekend live stream his crimes and take “requests” about what to destroy next. However, according to his attorneys, it is that goading from the public, and […]
  • Man In Custody After Entering Thorcon Control Room To Charge Phone
    All of Lahaina will be able to sleep easier tonight after officials released more details about a frightening incident at the Thorcon Power Plant yesterday. 31-year-old Gary Puniwale was taken into custody after entering one of the plant’s control rooms, causing a partial shutdown, and panic across the island. While rumors of a possible terror […]
  • Manimal debuts X-eyez implant software
    Today’s the day Manimal fans around the world have waited for. This morning the sports drink company unveiled their much anticipated X-eyez extreme vision app. The company says the software, which works with your ceremplant, records and broadcasts everything that a user sees. Manimal says the app offers your friends and fans “a feast from […]
  • Woman Claims Law Firm Jingle Responsible for Tower Break-In
    Earworms are those annoying songs or jingles that get stuck in your head long after you’ve listened to them. 90% of the population is said to experience at least one earworm every week. What is usually just a minor annoyance for most, turned potentially dangerous this weekend. A local resident says the infamous SSB&P law […]
  • Cruise Line Trades Trips for Teen’s Glimpsea Handle
    Dutchess Cruise Lines ended its search in Lahaina this week for the owner of the Glimpsea handle @DutchessCruise. The company had been looking for the owner of name, only to find it belonged to an area teenager. 17-year-old Peter Kolohe responded to a posting by the company which read, “Aloha Lahaina! Does anyone know Peter? […]
  • Review of Veil of Terror: A Bride’s Nightmare
    Veil of Terror: A Bride’s Nightmare, is the first movie made by Layla Kalani’s production company and marks the actorial debut of the surfing champion. Following in the footsteps of many other celebrities, Layla has decided to dip her toes in the movie-making waters. Unfortunately for her, it is a complete wipe out. More adept […]
  • How a Tool Designed To Help Those Suffering From Brain Injury Became a Popular Dating App
    Alex James is something of a contradiction. He’s one of the hottest names in the valley with headhunters calling daily with offers that he generally ignores. He still lives with his parents although on paper he’s one of the most successful men around. His app “Emotional Compass,” EC as it’s better known, has become the […]
  • Thorcon Plant Announces Power Via 127 Next Year
    A large countdown clock was unveiled today in front of the Lahaina Thorcon plant. While the year-long timer clicks down to one event, a retrofit to start using element 127 (Unbiseptium) for power production, the implications mean very different things for many Lahaina residents. For some, the modification would be a source of pride, making […]
  • Veilcorp, NOAA, and Navy unveil plan to deal with ocean plastic
    It has been estimated that the world’s oceans contain over 80 metric tons of plastic waste and debris. This plastic is a danger to a wide variety of wildlife and in extreme cases, can become a danger to navigation. While most of this waste comes from cities close to the coast, the plastic has made […]
  • Testimony ends in Veilcorp Cube Theft Trial
    Testimony ended today in the case of 2 men accused of stealing the first object to be transported through the veil via gateway technology, a 1 kg tungsten cube. Those assembled in the King County Superior Court heard the last witness in the case this afternoon. Closing arguments and final jury instructions are set to […]
  • Manimal Children’s Book Draws Ire of Parents and Safety Groups
    A new children’s book published by the popular Manimal sports drink company has parents and safety advocates seeing Radical Red. Released to mark recent news that Manimal has become the most popular energy drink in Hawaii, the company says “Sarge’s Cub Club” is for the youngest members of Manimal’s growing family, and teaches kids how […]
  • How Technology Created To Help the Blind Can Pick the Perfect Pizza
    Back in 2025 Vereserum made big waves in the news with the announcement of their Ceremplant chip. Developed by their injectables division, the small chip was designed to offer hope to millions of people worldwide suffering from severe visual impairments. The device worked by taking in visual information through tiny connections directly from the eye, […]
  • The Lahaina Power Plant Has Got To Go!
    The Power Plant Problem Hello fellow homeowners. As my first action as your continued HOA president, (thank you to everyone who voted to re-elect me), I’d like to address the elephant in the room. We need to do something about the power plant. I know that it has been here for a few years now, […]
  • Kitchen Accident Turns Into Billion Dollar Industry For Local Man
    Thomas Edison once famously said that none of his inventions came by accident, and that being a successful inventor boiled down to “1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.” That may have been true for Edison, but local resident Art Pua’a had a very different journey. You may not recognize the name, but you undoubtedly know about […]
  • Lahaina Officials Are Choosing Birds Over Children
    I am profoundly disappointed in the Division of Forestry and Wildlife for deciding to extend the boundaries of the preservation zone and the Lahaina school board for not standing up to the eco-bullies. The decision to limit school bus routes disturbs the early morning and afternoon routines of dozens of children and their families. It’s […]
  • Workers Using Veilcorp Public Parking As Co-Working Space
    Lahaina is booming and the ever increasing cost of office space has many entrepreneurs turning to unconventional ways to save money. Every day dozens of workers are now using Veilcorp’s spacious public parking lots as makeshift co-working spaces. The practice has raised questions about car-centric city design in the age of veil travel, and the […]
  • Kokua Wellness Center To Offer Controversial Manimal Detox Program
    The Kokua Wellness Center is world renowned for its high-end beauty treatments and exclusive clientele, but the spa has announced that they plan to depart from their usual services, and dip their toes into a controversial subject, Manimal detoxification. While most healthcare and addiction specialists claim that “Manimal addiction” is no more serious than having […]
  • DLNR to Reassess Public Involvement In Turtle Tracking Program
    The Green Sea Turtle, also known by their traditional name, Honu, is one of the most important marine animals in Hawaiian waters. A threatened species, scientists have spent years studying the turtles, and trying to determine their range, but tracking one of the planets most elusive creatures can be expensive. That work has been made […]
  • Public ATV program plagued with technical problems
    The county of Maui and Manimal partnered to provide a public ATV service a little over a month ago, but the program has suffered from a number of major technical issues since its inception. Many are saying the self-driving vehicles are a menace, while others are calling for an immediate end to the service. Despite […]
  • We Need To Secure the Computers In the Preservation Zone
    from: Brandon Kama to: Greg Iona date: Fri, May 16, 2031 at 4:53 PM subject: Securing the Computers In the Preservation Zone Hi Greg, I know I’m supposed to go through official channels with complaints and concerns but we have an ongoing issue with the Phxicom terminals out here that I’d like to get addressed. […]
  • My Tenure as HOA President will Continue Despite My New Appointment
    I have some great news Tanager Lane residents! The mayor’s office has officially recognized my strong leadership and people skills. I’m proud to announce that I have been appointed as his Compliance Liaison. It is my job to ensure that everyone in Lahaina is following the new preservation zone rules. As I’m sure you’ll agree, […]
  • Expansion of the Preservation Zone Gets Legislative Greenlight
    An initiative to expand the borders of the West Maui Forest reserve was passed today. The plan will see a new preservation zone which extends into parts of Lahaina. Backers say the expansion is needed to ensure that natural areas remain protected from overuse and invasive species. They point out how important those areas are […]
  • Dr. Eric Oeming Awarded Nobel Prize
    The 2030 Nobel Prize for physics has been awarded to Dr. Eric Oeming for his work on Unbiseptium (127) synthesis and containment. Oeming’s work began 8-years-ago under auspices of the Next-generation power authority of the U.S. Department of Energy in Detroit, and has led to the revolutionary Gateway technology. According to a statement, he plans […]
  • We should cut the ziplines and our losses
    Like many of you I was indifferent to the idea of running ziplines from the radio tower to key spots downtown. On one hand I thought it would reduce the number of lost ecotourists wandering through the neighborhood, on the other hand there were a bunch of meetings that my wife insisted we attend. I […]
  • Task Force Report On Gaia Guard Activity
    The following is an interagency task force report based on actionable intelligence of Gaia Guard activity in the Seattle area. The intent is to provide background into the group and protocol for law enforcement interactions. Due to an ongoing government investigation we urge officers to follow these guidelines and not discuss them with any outside […]
  • Manimal Unveils New “Ancient” Formula
    With retro fashions in style again, and the resurgence in popularity of old music and art, many companies are cashing in on the public’s love of those days-gone-by. The question is, does that love of yesteryear extend to energy drinks? Manimal CEO Spencer Kane hopes so. This morning the iconic beverage company unveiled the latest […]
  • We Shouldn’t be Building a Radio Tower in Lahaina
    I’m not sure I have the words to properly convey my disappointment at the short-sightedness and derision that I experienced last night at the radio tower meeting. It is a shame that a person can’t be forgiven for past mistakes (even if they were very well intentioned) and that nobody seemed interested in heeding my […]
  • Tony “Half-Barrel” Kahale Breaks Record, Claims Manimal Title Again
    Tony “Half-Barrel” Kahale barreled over the competition at the world-famous Manimal drinking contest on Monday, setting a new record. Kahale drank a little over 2 gallons of the popular sports drink in 5 minutes during the competition, earning him the coveted Red Bottle. His closest competitor managed only about half that amount. This is the […]
  • Excerpt from Captain Hank Gaud’s Book “Around the World In 80 Milliseconds”
    The transport area looked nothing like I imagined it would. There was no hoop or archway to walk through, no door, or giant metal cannister that I would be lowered into. No, it looked just like a sturdy chair with some some equipment and a thousand tubes and wires mounted above. The team had spent […]
  • Live Free and Secure in Duracave’s New Mobile Bunker
    I have to admit that I was skeptical when I heard about Duracave’s new mobile bunker system. I didn’t think anything portable would be useful against marauders, let alone government kill squads looking for electronics when the rare earths wars begin. I couldn’t have been more wrong! If you take freedom and the security of […]
  • Veilcorp Email Outlines the Effects of Gateway Travel On Animals
    from: Dr. Robert Coney to: Eric Oeming date: Fri, Aug 27, 2027 at 5:53 PM subject: Subject R2137 “Brisby” Update It has been a little over a month since we successfully used the gateway technology on Brisby, and the subsequent discovery of remarkable changes in the rat. She remains in good health with no physical […]
  • Man Airlifted To Hospital After Excessive Manimal Consumption Leads To Organ Failure
    A Lahaina man remains in serious condition after his Manimal consumption left him fighting for his life, due to massive multisystem organ failure. While there is growing concern that drinking large amounts of energy drinks, like Manimal, could have long-term health effects, doctors say that this is the most extreme case they have ever seen. […]
  • Manimal’s “Alpha Club” Comes Under Fire After Contamination of Sacred Spring
    The “Alpha Club” promised to provide fans a monthly supply of cold Manimal, and a chance to try out new flavors and products before the general public. However the company’s service is now under fire, after the contamination of a sacred spring North of Lahaina. Officials say it’s hard to say just how much of […]
  • Bobblehead Hula Girl Review
    If you love your family DO NOT buy this product!!!!!! I’d like to start off this review by stating that we are moral people who not only speak about family values, we live them. But this gyrating harlot idol was almost the end of us. My parents had planned a 50th anniversary trip to Hawaii […]
  • Kids Save Mom From Boar Attack With Manimal Drink Spray
    A wild boar attack is every Hawaiian campers worst nightmare. Such events are big news and they send a shiver down the spine. A 53-year-old Lahaina woman lived through such a traumatic event yesterday thanks to the quick thinking of her teenage sons and a little help from a popular drink spray. The last thing […]
  • Lost Tourists Found Thanks To “Trail of Drink Pouches”
    A family who went missing on the Pali Trail in Lahaina last week were found safe and sound this morning thanks to the hard work of rescuers and a number of Manimal drink pouches. Max and Brenda Hower along with their 8-year-old son, Grit, set off last Tuesday for a day hike on the Pali […]
  • Surfer Layla Kalani Fights Off Shark Attack
    Four-time world champion surfer, Layla Kalani, had a close encounter with a shark during the Manimal Invitational surfing competition on Saturday. The battle between the Womanimal spokeswoman and the 8-foot-long tiger shark was caught on live television. Layla not only fought off the attack but seemed to turn the tables on the shark by grabbing […]
  • Veilcorp Failure Causes Mass Evacuation
    The Iowa Department of Natural Resources along with Federal officials have called for a shutdown of a Veilcorp facility working on 127 “Unbiseptium” synthesis. A containment breach early today destroyed acres of crops and led to the mass evacuation of thousands. According to Veilcorp officials, the containment failure only lasted a few seconds. Acres of […]