STORYLINE

Audit Finds DMV Worker Harassed Customers Five Hours a Day for Over Two Years

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A state audit of the Hawaii Department of Motor Vehicles uncovered that an employee used over half of her work day to pursue what she called “Licensing Cheats,” for over two years. According to the report, 25-year-old Esther Hele, spent five hours a day harassing residents about overdue registration forms and lapsed licenses, all while her supervisor’s knew. Hele has been placed on administrative leave pending the outcome of an internal review, and criminal investigation.

Officials say that Hele used her job as a data operator, updating information on various transfer and ownership forms, to begin a “vehicle registration vigilante” campaign that lasted over two years. From July 2048 through August 2050, Hele skipped at least 2,600 hours’ worth of work, costing the Hawaiian public more than $72,000.

“It’s beyond me how this person slipped through the cracks, or how her managers are still employed,” says Mayor Alberts Cravalho. Residents are asking the same questions this morning, especially with the announcement of criminal charges of menacing and harassment filed against the Lahaina native.

While her direct supervisor refused an interview, her manager’s attorney did provide a statement which reads in part: “…It is hard to explain what it’s like to work for an organization that is so maligned by the public. If we fully investigated every complaint that came in we’d have to close at least another two lines, and that would just lead to more complaints. A big part of my job is to figure out to what degree my employees aren’t doing their jobs. I talked to Esther, and she seemed just bad to me. I know now that she was in fact, terrible. I regret, and apologize for not seeing that earlier.”

However, apologies aren’t enough for some of Hele’s victims. Dozens of claims regarding stalking, harassment, vandalism, and even threats of bodily harm are being investigated by Lahaina police. Hailoha driver Mark Me’e is one such victim of the troubled DMV worker’s campaign of persecution. He says the trouble all started when he purchased a new car, and let the insurance and registration lapse on his previous vehicle. Me’e says that he ignored the reminders he received since he planned on eventually scrapping his old car, and now wishes he hadn’t. Mark says things started taking a strange turn a few weeks after his first reminder, when Esther started showing up in his social media circles.

“One day I got this message from someone named Esther asking about my job at Hailoha. I didn’t know who she was, so I did a little investigating, and found that she was on almost all my friends and family’s friends lists. I couldn’t figure out how someone I had never heard of before could be friends with almost everyone I knew. I thought maybe I had gone to high school with Esther, and just forgot her.

Then she started asking me about my car all the time, saying things like, ‘You know Hailoha requires every drive to follow all applicable traffic laws, including having your vehicle properly registered, right?’ My mom called me one day saying she had just talked to a lady at the DMV who said I was breaking the law by not registering my car. I figured it was Esther. I contacted her supervisor and made a complaint, and she called me within minutes telling me that I could fool her boss, but not her. She sent pictures of me, and my old car that she had pulled from my work profile page. I told her that I didn’t drive that car anymore. I mean she had all my information, she could see that I registered a new car, but she wouldn’t hear it. Things just got worse.

She contacted my girlfriend saying I was cheating on her in my unregistered vehicle. She called Hailoha and told them that I had provided them with counterfeit insurance documents. I started getting threatening notes in my mailbox, and on my car whenever I went inside a store, warning me that the DMV had the right to charge interest on fines. It was getting out of hand!

It came to a head one night when I got an alert that someone way out in the preservation zone needed a ride. When I got out there I saw what I thought was an old woman all wrapped in a blanket. She got in, and I made some joke about her not having to worry about getting cold, but she didn’t say much. It was about 10 minutes into our ride when she started asking about my old car, and her voice changed. It sounded familiar to me, but it took me a moment to figure out it was Esther in disguise. I slammed on the breaks, put it in park, and ran the rest of the way into town. Later, they found my car parked in my driveway. I don’t know what she had planned, but it wasn’t good.”

Hele had no comment about the complaints against her, and is free on bail. She has plead not guilty and is expected in court next month.

STORYLINE

Kalani Beach renaming ceremony held as statue controversy continues to build

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A section of beach was renamed in honor of Layla Kalani this morning. Almost 2 months ago, a wide-ranging search was officially ended after a storm capsized a vessel that the surfing champion was aboard. In the subsequent hours after the accident, Kalani would make multiple trips back to the partially submerged vessel, ferrying survivors to safety on a damaged surfboard. The story has gripped the hearts of people around the world and inspired a number of tributes for the Manimal spokesperson. However, not all the tributes have been well received.

During the Maui leg of her farewell tour, Kalani returned to the Lahaina beach where she rose to fame in 2023. Mayor Albert Cravalho renamed it in her honor today in a small ceremony attended by family and friends. He told those assembled,

“I’ve known Layla for a long time. I had the pleasure of watching her grow from a delightful little girl into the amazing woman we all knew, loved, and respected. She was a true sistah of Lahaina. All week I’ve heard people say, “Kalani kept kicking” out of respect for her bravery and selflessness. Perhaps that is her most important legacy, an enduring example of not giving up, even in the face of a seemingly impossible task. I know that Layla would probably be embarrassed about this ceremony and the fact that she has a beach named after her in her home town. She’d say that she only did what anyone else would do in the same situation. As if saving the lives of eight people by swimming through a storm after your boat sinks is something that happens everyday. That’s just who she was, a brave and beautiful original who will be greatly missed. I hope that giving this beach her name helps future generations remember her sacrifice and reminds them how important it is to never give in to doubt or despair. When all hope was lost, Kalani kept kicking. She was an inspiration to us all.”

While many supported the renaming ceremony, not every tribute has garnered public support. In particular, a statue donated to the West Maui Children’s Hospital by the Manimal corporation has been called a “thirty-foot monument to tone-deafness” and has many residents asking, “What were they thinking?”

For years Kalani had donated most of her free time to working with children at the hospital. She made sure there was always enough Manimal to drink, taught the kids how to surf, and offered an open invitation to her movie premieres and special events for all the kids who were able to attend. Layla had become an important fixture at the hospital and her loss was especially hard for patients and employees alike. That’s why senior staff and the administration say they were thrilled when approached by Manimal about donating a statue in her honor. However, many say their exhilaration turned to disbelief when the tribute was unveiled.

Measuring slightly over 30 feet, the monument is topped by a statue depicting a kicking and grim-faced Layla gripping a damaged surfboard. The base has numerous Manimal drinking fountains and so many high-powered floodlights that it can be seen all the way from Front Street. Residents immediately complained about the statue saying, “She looks crazy up there. Like a giant angry streetlight!” The hospital has taken issue with the number of insects that the lights and free-flowing Manimal attract on a daily basis. But it is the inscription on the base that everyone seems to find the most egregious. A play on the “Kalani kept kicking” motto that has spread across the island, the inscription reads, “Keep Kicking Kids!”

“It’s tasteless obviously,” says Preservation Zone Compliance Officer Elizabeth Stonegate, a vocal critic of the Kalani statue. Stonegate says that she doesn’t understand how the tribute got beyond the planning stage and has numerous issues with the monument.

“I’m going to carefully review the permit application submitted by Manimal. While the eyesore is not strictly within the preservation zone, it is attracting an inordinate number of insects and protected species that feed on them. But more importantly, I have to wonder about celebrating someone with such poor judgement in the first place. Ms. Kalani had no training in rescuing anyone from a pool let alone a stormy ocean at night. As far as any of us know, those people would have been just fine if they waited for a qualified rescue by people who get paid to pluck survivors from the water. The only thing we know for sure is: it cost her her life, and wasted hundreds of Coast Guard hours that could have been used for better things. I don’t think heading out for a 3 mile swim in rough seas, when you’re already tired, is the kind of decision making we should be holding up as an example for our children. I know we shouldn’t be erecting 30’ monuments to that kind of carelessness.”

Manimal CEO Spencer Kane says he doesn’t know what all the anger is about.

“The backlash has hit us like a rogue wave. I think she looks fierce, like the warrior she was. I find it hard to believe that some of the kids are scared of the statue. Our love for Layla was larger than life and we wanted a monument that matched those feelings. That’s why we spent so much money on a lighting system that was second to none. Each of the main lights produce 6 million candle power, that’s as much as your standard WWII searchlight. We’ve offered to electrify them to help combat the insects, but nobody seems interested in working with us. Another point that I think has been missed in the media, is that we’re committed to keeping the Manimal fountains flowing for the life of the company. That could be millions in free Manimal eventually. If that doesn’t properly express how serious we are about this tribute, I don’t know what can. I’ve heard that some of the parents have complained about the inscription, that’s why we’ve offered to add a comma to make the message more clear. Honestly, I don’t know what else we can do.”

STORYLINE

Lahaina Advertiser Corrections & Clarifications

The Lahaina Advertiser is committed to bringing you news and content that informs, engages, and entertains. We pride ourselves with holding the highest editorial and journalistic standards, delivering to our readers accurate, impartial, and timely stories. However, mistakes are sometimes made. When errors are brought to our attention, we seek to publish corrections and clarifications promptly and transparently. This page brings together in one place all of the corrections and clarifications made to The Lahaina Advertiser across print and digital platforms, whether as a result of complaints or further developments in a story.

April 24, 2050

  • This Mutant Crayfish Clones Itself, and It’s Taking Over Maui


An earlier version of this story misspelled the scientific name for the Red Swamp Crayfish. It is Procambarus clarkii, not Procambarus clak. Also, we have been informed that the crayfish in question does not have the ability to clone itself, and was introduced in 1923, contrary to our assertion that its presence is a mystery. Hula Noodle owner Ralph Umeke did want us to stress that the clarkii are “nasty” and nearly inedible, even with copious handfuls of garlic.

  • Randy Wilcox, Trailblazing Reality TV and Streaming Star, Dies at 46


Although seriously injured, Randy Wilcox is very much alive and recovering in the Lahaina Medical Center. Some of our readers also took issue with calling Mr. Wilcox a “star” or even “Mr.”, the latter of which is a requirement of our manual on style.

April 25, 2050

  • Veilcorp Studies Security Policies and Sees “Little Risk” to Bottom Line


An earlier version of this story misstated the portion of Veilcorp’s business that the company estimates would be affected by stricter global security policies. A spokesperson for Veilcorp says the company’s internal security protocols already exceed the measures proposed, and would not affect operations at all.

April 26, 2050

  • Hailoha Defends New Sea Service


We had mistakenly reported that Mayor Albert Cravalho had no comment on the matter. However, he had actually called for a closer look into the business, and threatened to shut down the water-based ride share service.

  • Six Films to Stream if You Loved “Veil of Terror: A Bride’s Nightmare”


Many of you suggested that Veil of Terror stands alone as one of the worst movies ever made. Readers suggested that the jerky camera work, ham-handed storyline, and actors taking on more than one role, made the film unlike any other, and trying to attach some similarity to six other films was not fair. On further review, we agreed and removed the story altogether. One of the complaints was in Esperanto, and went unresponded to.

  • What Cameras On Monk Seals Show Us: It’s Tough Out There


An earlier version of this article misstated the amount of weight lost by some seals in the study. The seals that stay around Maui during the summer lost as much as 10 percent of their body mass, not 80 percent.

  • A reader tells us that after 31 years of entering the jumble rumble competition, she finally won, only for us to spell her name incorrectly. Congratulations go to Helen Kapua and not Harold Kaper. Apologies Helen.

April 28, 2050

  • PZ Compliance Officer Elizabeth Stonegate Forced Into Apology For Maligning Civil Service


This article was amended after Mrs. Stonegate pointed out that she had in fact not apologized yet, and had no plan to. In addition, an earlier version misnamed the Center for Hawaiian Political Reform as the Center for Hawaiian Political Research.

  • What do Students Really Expect To Learn at the University of Maui Lahaina College?


This article was pulled after it was discovered that Kimberly Hekili, the only individual interviewed, was not a current student but rather had attended the unversity in 2046.

April 29, 2050

  • Hundreds of County Parks Ordered Closed Across Lahaina


We mistakenly said that more than 500 parks have closed in Lahaina since 2034 due to budget cuts. Greg Iona from the DLNR pointed out that there aren’t that many parks on the whole island, and that it was actually trails that were closed. In addition, the number of closed trails since 2034 was 5, not 500.

  • Over 1,100 years later, scientists discover what probably killed the Mayans


This article was amended to correct the spelling of Vindox Ashlidele’s name from Vindix Vagene. It was further amended for historical accuracy. While there is evidence that the Mayans had tobacco and probably smoked it, commercial cigarettes as we know them didn’t exist until the 1800’s. In addition, it is unlikely that there existed a Mesoamerican marketing campaign targeting young Mayans.

April 30, 2050

  • Unpaid internships in Lahaina now cost more than $3,500 a month


This article was amended to clarify that the cost of living in Lahaina was actually 3.5 times higher than the national average and not 2 times higher. In addition an estimated 1,000 graduates will have unpaid internships in a Lahaina business this year, not 10,000.

  • Dr. Adler Walters on the Cutting-Edge Technology of Trees


This article was removed after we were made aware that some of the information Dr. Adler provided is classified, and was supposed to be off the record. We apologize to the doctor, Vereserum, and the United States Government. We ask that readers who happened to see the article, immediately forget any and all details they might have remembered.

  • Abramo Chophouse Provides 20 tons of Burger To Expand “Meat and Greet” Program


We mistakenly identified the 20 tons of meat provided to the Meat and Greet program as “Burger”. Mr. Abramo points out that in fact, 20 tons of “Bob’s Perfect Burger Blend” was provided. He asserts that referring to the blend simply as burger is akin to calling a piece of wagyu beef, jerky. We have made the requested correction in the article.

We regret these and all future errors.

STORYLINE

Hailoha Defends New Sea Service

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Hailoha is defending it’s new Hailoha-Sea service today, after Mayor Albert Cravalho called for a closer look into the business, and threatened to shut down the water-based ride share service. Launched earlier this month, there have been numerous complaints about Hailoha-Sea drivers from government and law enforcement officials, as well as tourists. Hailoha officials say they are taking swift action to remove problem drivers, and are working with officials to ensure the safety of customers and contractors alike.

Hailoha-Sea was supposed to be one of the most unique and beautiful modes of travel available on the island when it was announced at the end of March. Like the wildly popular Hailoha ride share service, Hailoha-Sea would offer people a friendly and affordable transportation option whenever they needed it, but instead of riding in a car passengers would travel by boat.

“It just seemed like the next evolution of our service,” says Nella Lawe, Hailoha Vice President. “Maui is an island after all. It just makes sense that quick, safe, and affordable water transportation should be available. There are tens of thousands of boats and responsible boat owners that have a chance to supplement their income, and meet new people thanks to Hailoha-Sea. Visitors to our beautiful island can take numerous trips of a lifetime by just getting to their preferred destinations, using our service. On the few occasions when our pilots have not performed to our standards, we’ve taken swift action to rectify whatever issues have arised, and have worked openly with law enforcement.”

Despite Lawe’s assurances there have been numerous complaints about the Hailoha-Sea service including: dangerous night boating, drivers coming up on crowded beaches to pick up passengers, fights over prime territory, and intruding on delicate protected areas. The Coast Guard reports a 80% uptick in emergency calls since the service was launched. Greg Iona from the DLNR says the agency has received dozens of complaints this month. He says, “The preservation zone extends into the water in a number of spots and many of these drivers are disregarding the boundaries to make a quick buck. We’ve had people damage reefs, and just last week we arrested a driver who was charging tourists extra to take them to a protected sea turtle nesting beach. The worst I’ve personally seen is a group who were taking tourists near our resident sea otter pod and selling them clams to feed the otters. Unless there are some major changes, this new Hailoha service is going to turn into a disaster for our delicate natural areas.”

While there have been plenty of complaints about preservation zone infractions, they are a small fraction of the number of objections and allegations made to law enforcement and the mayor’s office. According to Mr. Cravalho, “Someone is going to get seriously hurt or drown.” He adds,

“We’ve had so many calls and complaints that we’ve had very little time for anything else this month. We’ve heard of Hailoha drivers showing up on paddle boards, and over-filling canoes to the point that they sink. There have been cases of boats bumping into each other at high speeds, fighting over dock space in high traffic areas, but at least those idiots were using a dock. We had a guy get stuck on Kalani Beach trying to be the first to pick up a bachelorette party. The waters around Lahaina have become a mess. There’s a local who has tied a bunch of ski tubes behind her boat, and goes up and down the beaches at night, running some sort of party bus service. Do you know how dangerous that is? Lahaina is not that big, and we already have numerous transportation options including: The Veil Stop Network, buses, Manimal public ATVs, and the traditional Hailoha service. Lahaina doesn’t need the dangerous free-for-all of Hailoha-Sea.”

Lawe counters that the number of complaints is actually quite small, compared with the total number passengers the company has ferried around the island. She says that Hailoha has fired anyone who has been ticketed or officially charged with wrongdoing, and the company investigates all complaints thoroughly. “We are determined to work with officials and make the best water-based ride service we can. Hawaii is all about beauty and freedom; and nothing is more beautiful than having the freedom to have a few drinks, and ride an inflatable tube through the water at breakneck speeds, with a dozen strangers back to your hotel.”

STORYLINE

Hit VNN Crime Show Under Fire From Privacy Groups and Mayor’s Office

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The hugely popular VNN show, “Crime Time Lahaina” has come under fire from privacy advocates, and law enforcement this week, putting the future of the newly created program in jeopardy. Mayor Cravalho says there are serious concerns about the legality of some segments, and the program sends the wrong message to tourists. Privacy groups say that the information shared in an episode is often misleading or false, and that the show is potentially dangerous. VNN says Crime Time simply uses publicly available information, and serves as an important tool for tourists and residents alike who want a safer Lahaina.

Despite only being on the air for a little over a month, Crime Time Lahaina has become one of the fledgling network’s biggest hits. Every morning viewers tune into the program to see the previous day’s mugshots, incident reports, and even a list of tickets written. Areas of “rising crime” are featured, and the program’s drone cameras take a tour over Lahaina, highlighting homes and apartments where convicted criminals live. Viewers watching the live feed can request coverage over specific areas, or even individual people, who they’ve witnessed committing a crime.

Host and creator Gary Puniwale says Crime Time is the natural progression of neighborhood watch programs, John Cam shows, and the old fashioned police blotter. He says the show offers Lahaina residents a better look at who their neighbors are, and tourists a chance to keep themselves safe. “Crime Time Lahaina, simply lets people know who the criminals are, and what areas of town they need to be careful in. We’re talking about the ultimate in awareness and citizen policing. We hold nothing back from the public. I’m sorry if that is ruffling feathers at the police department or hurting tourism, but I’m more concerned about the safety of my neighbors, than the shops on Front Street having a better summer this year than last.”

Critics however point out that the majority of the “crimes” highlighted in the show involve minor things such as jaywalking, or failing to come to a complete stop at an intersection. In addition, the cameras often appear to follow people for nothing other than voyeuristic reasons. A Lahaina Police Department Spokesperson says they have received numerous complaints from tourists who say the cameras have followed them for hours, hovered outside hotel windows, and harassed them while inside public changing areas along the beach. Privacy advocates point out that arrest reports are routinely amended after they are aired on the program, without the corrections being made public. In addition, they claim that the information shared on Crime Time is often misleading or incomplete. Recently the program listed a prominent Tanager Lane resident as an active felon, although his record, for a crime committed as a teenager, was supposed to be expunged years ago.

“It’s just out of control,” says Mayor Albert Cravalho. “It’s no surprise to me or law enforcement that the show has become what it is. Gary himself is a felon with a long history of interfering with law enforcement, incompetence, and making false reports. I can’t begin to understand the logic in giving someone like him a show of this nature. It’s like asking a mongoose to watch your henhouse. The drones are constantly shooting footage through widows, as well as harassing tourists and sunbathers. This show isn’t about protecting people, or making Lahaina safer. It sure isn’t about spreading love, or embracing the aloha spirit either. It’s about sensationalism, harassment, and the creepy thinking of Gary Puniwale. The only bright spot in this whole situation is Gary’s incompetence. Even with the show’s popularity, I’m sure we’ll be able to take the cameras out of his hands, and out of Lahaina’s windows soon.”

Puniwale says that he doesn’t try to hide his past from viewers, but would rather focus on serious issues: like people failing to yield to oncoming traffic, or putting the island’s natural beauty in danger by littering, rather than his history with law enforcement.

“This is all about transparency. Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing. I ran into some trouble in my past trying to protect my friends and family. Maybe submitting over a thousand tips in a month was overzealous, and maybe I should have recognized the noises from my neighbor’s birthday party as laughter, instead of a home invasion and homicide in progress, but better safe than sorry. Those experiences did put me in a unique position to know the criminal mind better than most. For 90 days, I was forced to coexist in close quarters with criminals, and it gave me a special insight that I now share with my viewers. The mayor wants to throw stones and that’s fine. He should just know that throwing stones at someone is a crime in Lahaina, and I plan on reporting it daily starting at 8 a.m.”

STORYLINE

Lahaina to End Glimpsea’s “Enhanced Dispatch” Program

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The Lahaina City Council voted to end Glimpsea’s crowdsourced public safety dispatching service yesterday after numerous complaints, and high-profile mishaps. Part of the “Lahaina View Project” began in 2048, the enhanced dispatching program was supposed to help close a $1 million projected budget deficit, as well as provide more efficient emergency dispatching with the help of community volunteers.

The service faced much opposition since its inception both from the public, and from within the Mayor’s Office. Despite the company’s promises, and the hopes of some within the city government, the program stumbled from the very beginning, and was cancelled after barely 3 months. Glimpsea’s Vice President Simon Ike says he is disappointed with the council’s decision, and that complaints have been overblown, saying: “The program has been unfairly scrutinized from the start. While we feel our enhanced dispatching service is the future of emergency services, we understand the pressure the city council has been under, even if we strongly disagree with their decision.”

The Lahaina View Project was supposed to harness the power of a network of security cameras, drones, and phones to provide 24/7 visual coverage of Lahaina, as well as offer unique opportunities for civic, and government innovation. Thousands of residents downloaded the Glimpsea app, and became part of the network. The project’s cameras did save time and money for some departments like: the assessor’s office, the water department, and the housing division, however, it was the offer of a revolutionary emergency response and crowdsourced dispatching system that promised some of the most exciting advances.

With almost complete video coverage of Lahaina, emergencies and crimes could be spotted early, and registered users would be able to dispatch first responders to any situation at virtually no cost. Unfortunately, things didn’t go quite as planned. The program was soon plagued with false alarms, inordinately long response times, incorrect addresses, and people misusing the network.

Perennial mayoral candidate, and President of the Foundation for Natural Law Rodger “Rod” Kohole, was one of the most vocal opponents of the program, and says he is happy with the council’s decision. “Mark one down for the people! Yesterday we told big government that we don’t want them peeking in our windows, or degenerates guiding our brave first responders. This program was designed to line the pockets of government leeches at the expense of the public. I hope this is a wake-up call to Cravalho, and the Lahaina Stasi that they’re going to have to cultivate another network of informants. It is unconscionable that for months our neighbors have had to rely on people living in their mother’s basement to put their game on pause, and dispatch police and firemen. It’s a miracle nobody was seriously hurt, or killed due to Albert’s incompetence.”

“In retrospect, some of the issues we ran into seem kind of obvious,” says Mayor Albert Cravalho. “Crowdsourcing works great for things like data collection, research, and raising money, but probably isn’t the best model for dispatching emergency services. Despite the best efforts of Glimpsea, and my office, we just weren’t able to overcome the negative press coverage, and get the program on track. We had implemented systems to address some of the biggest concerns surrounding the dispatcher issues, but unfortunately it was too little, too late, for the public. I can understand their concerns, when you’re in an emergency, you want action not excuses. I just wish they had given us a chance to work out the kinks.”

Glimpsea and the mayor aren’t the only ones disappointed in the council’s decision. Self-described amateur sociologist, and author Kevin Morrow says the program was a treasure trove for his research.

“The enhanced dispatch service saved me years of data collection regarding the actions of people in stressful situations. I was initially against the program, but once I understood its potential, I was a big fan. Normally, one has to rely on reports, or interviews after-the-fact when researching human responses. However, thanks to the program, I was able to give surveys and conduct personality tests in real time, to real people during a time of turmoil. The results were amazing! While It is true that an overwhelming number of people become more agitated when questioned about what they thought their role in their emergency was, and I had four different accounts banned doing research; I still collected an enormous amount of data. I can only imagine how much my research could have helped those traumatized by an emergency event if the program was allowed to continue.”

STORYLINE

Mayor to Address “Clean the Lane” Campaign in Public Hearing

What began as a very public neighborhood dispute has spilled over into the Lahaina political arena, as the “Clean the Lane” movement continues to gain steam. This morning, Mayor Albert Cravalho announced that he will be holding a public hearing regarding the future of preservation zone compliance liaison Elizabeth Stonegate, the focus of the campaign. Critics contend that Stonegate is unfit for the position and that she has failed to embrace and embody the “Aloha Spirit” that should represent the island.

According to Shelby Pio, Tanager Lane resident and leader of the Clean the Lane campaign, it all started with a decorative broom displayed on her front porch. Pio’s children are members of a Veil Scout troop and were learning about the art and culture of the native Hawaiians. They had invited a number of local artists who specialize in traditional creations to explain the history and significance of early Hawaiian art. Shelby says that her HOA president Elizabeth Stonegate demanded that one of the art pieces, a broom adorned with boar tusks, be removed from the property because it was “a potentially dangerous weapon”. When she refused, Stonegate fined her and promised to add additional fines everyday that the broom remained on her porch.

For many residents, including Pio, it was the last straw. Shelby accuses Stonegate of a long history of incompetence, hostility, and pettiness that has had a negative impact on the neighborhood and Lahaina in general. Outraged by Stonegate’s decision to punish Shelby over a piece of Hawaiian heritage, others began displaying similar brooms on their porch. News reports about their subsequent fining did nothing but fan the flames in the neighborhood. With the motto, “she can’t fine us all” the movement spread throughout Tanager Lane and across the Lahaina. Residents are displaying brooms or “Clean the Lane” signs as far as Block Rock Beach, and calls for Elizabeth’s removal as compliance officer have grown.

Stonegate has released a statement that reads in part,

“My job as HOA president and compliance liaison are very similar. I ensure that the rules are being followed and protect the association, as well as the preservation zone, to the best of my ability. I regret my initial reaction to the broom, but I had no idea something like that could be considered art. I now realize the benefit of teaching children about how far we’ve come as a society, and to help them appreciate that we don’t have to live like barbarians anymore. I’ve tried to explain my actions and apologize, but Shelby and the media have twisted my words, and made any meaningful dialogue impossible. Now, they want to remove me as compliance officer over a ‘lack of Aloha spirit?’ I’m not sure what that even means. I look forward to the public hearing so I can explain myself clearly, without the bias of the local news.”

Pio says she’s not surprised that Stonegate doesn’t understand the backlash. In fact, she says that is precisely the issue. “Starting in 2017, Hawaii started giving children the Character Skills Snapshot test to measure a child’s intellectual curiosity, teamwork, resilience, open-mindedness, initiative, responsibility, self-control, and social awareness. The State recognized that character was just as important to cultivate as traditional subjects in school. Hawaii has a long history of including kindness, and a sense of decency into their goals and politics. It is important to us, and something that is beyond Elizabeth’s comprehension.”

Shelby points out that the government has actually defined Aloha spirit in the Hawaii Revised Statutes HRS 5-7.5. “….’Aloha Spirit’ is the coordination of mind and heart within each person. It brings each person to the self. Each person must think and emote good feelings to others….” Pio says that Stonegate exhibits none of these characteristics and is doing irreparable harm to the image of Lahaina.

“The broom incident wasn’t the biggest issue, just the final shot in Stonegates war against civility,” says Pio. “Her list of mean spirited disasters and poor decisions is a long one. She has: Forcibly removed a beloved therapy animal from the neighborhood, created a culture of distrust and an atmosphere of fear across the island with an anonymous reporting app, approved the use of dangerous, untested maintenance drones in the neighborhood, and oversaw an ill-advised wall project that trapped 4 children, including her own son, underground for almost a week. Elizabeth Stonegate represents none of our ideals, and has no idea what having the Aloha Spirit means. Every day she is allowed to work in an official capacity is a slap in the face to everyone who embraces Hawaiian values, and does real harm to the image of Lahaina. We plan on cleaning the lane of Mrs. Stonegate, and hope the mayor will see the wisdom in removing this blemish on the reputation of Lahaina as well.”

Mayor Cravalho says he plans on delivering his official statement at the meeting, but he is, “concerned about some of the reports that have come into the office over the past few weeks.” Due to the expected high turnout, the public hearing will be held in the Pu’u high school gymnasium this Thursday, starting at 7pm.

STORYLINE

Lahaina To Host 5th Annual Manimal Cocktail Championships

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Lahaina will once again become the center of the energy drink cocktail universe this weekend, as it hosts the 5th annual Manimal Cocktail Championships. The contest brings in hundreds vying for the prize, and thousands of spectators clamoring to see and taste the contestant’s creations. The winner receives bragging rights, and the title of World Champion, as well as having their drink permanently listed in the official Manimal Cocktail Guide. The competition begins this evening, and the drinks will flow until the champion is crowned Sunday afternoon.

Hundreds of barkeeps, tapsters, victuallers, mixologists, and lovers of liquid energy in a collins glass, will descend on Lahaina this evening to see who can create the finest cocktail utilizing Hawaii’s favorite energy drink. The three day competition consists of four preliminary contests leading up to the championship round. Participants in the: Before Dinner Cocktail, Short Drink, Long Drink, and After Dinner Cocktail rounds are judged on taste, presentation, radical garnishing, and originality. The winners come together on Sunday with their finest creations to see whose drink will join the: Lahaina Sunrise, Sloe SSHAM Fizz, Pineapple Mantini, and the Abramo Bomber, in Manimal’s official guide to cocktails.

While there are plenty of contestants from around the world, most of the attention this weekend will be on two-time champion Olive “Shakes” Leroux, and last year’s winner and local favorite, “Soda” Sam Ona. Having both won the competition twice, many see this year as the deciding factor in who is truly the greatest Manimal cocktail creator.

Experts say that Leroux, known for her strong tumbler work, has been focusing on her pouring flare and better pairing of Manimal flavors with specific spirits. “Soda” Sam says he knows he has his hands full with everyone in the competition, but acknowledges that he has his eye on Olive. “There’s no doubt she’s my toughest competition. I know they take Manimal and drinking almost as seriously in Baton Rouge as they do here in Maui, but I won last year, and I plan on taking the title again this weekend. As everyone knows I like blending local flavors in my drinks, and I’ve expanded my garnish game into non-edibles to allow more intricate designs and artistry. As long as none of the judges chip a tooth, I’m confident I’ll come home with the title again.”

With the electricity of competition, and the smell of Manimal in the air, many are gearing up for what has traditionally been a wild weekend. Mayor Albert Cravalho says the county is prepared for the worst, but hoping for the best.

“I think it’s no secret to anyone that this is one of my least favorite events. While we love our hometown energy drink, and all the wonderful things Manimal has done to support the community, there have been numerous company events and promotions that have caused a lot of trouble for first responders and hurt Lahaina’s image. Last year we had the incident where a contestant gained access to the emergency alert system to let everyone know that Lahaina was “officially drunk and hydrated,” and we learned after the first year that we have to disable the public ATVs during the event for public safety. The confluence of unreasonable energy drink consumption, and excessive use of alcohol is a terrible idea, but the people seem to love it, so with the help of more than a dozen Hailoha drivers hired by the city to shuttle fans to and from the competition, the show will unfortunately go on.”

Manimal CEO Spencer Kane says he understands Mayor Cravalho’s trepidation about the event, and points out that the company has paid for an increased police presence this year, and doubled the number of lifeguards working the area beaches. The company has also added new warnings and code of conduct guidelines to all promotional materials. “We are specifically asking all spectators and participants to “Please, Be Cool!” We’ve added it in big letters at the beginning of all of our promos, and the front of our flyers, so I’m pretty sure this year will be much more manageable, but still extreme enough to represent what Manimal is all about,” says Kane.

“Throughout the year much of our marketing is geared towards extreme athletes. We celebrate those individuals who push their limits every day, but let’s be honest, lots of people just like the extra kick our drink gives to their favorite adult beverage. Being a Maui based company we like to think of our customers as family, and every family has a few drinkers. This event, pushing the limits of mixology, and celebrating the hair of the dog, is for them.”

STORYLINE

Cocktail-Mixing Truck Serves up Manimal Drinks Around Lahaina

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The 5th annual Manimal Cocktail Championships are being held this weekend in Lahaina, and that means one of the most controversial aspects of the competition has started prowling the streets this morning. For the next few days Manimal’s huge cocktail mixing “Jacked Truck” will give locals, tourists, and enthusiasts alike a taste of what they can expect to enjoy during the celebration. Despite numerous complaints last year, and a vigorous campaign from critics, the mayor’s office has given the green light to the iconic symbol of the cocktail championships.

In some parts of the mainland the returning of the robins marks the beginning of spring, in other areas the turning of the leaves ushers in the fall, but in Lahaina, the appearance of Manimal’s “Jacked Truck” is an undeniable sign that one of the most loved and hated events of the year is about to begin.

Holding 2,000 gallons of Manimal cocktails, the converted mixing truck roams Front Street and the roads along the beaches alike, offering anyone 21 or older a drink or two or three in order to “Get Jacked!” about the competition. Manimal CEO Spencer Kane drove the truck for its maiden voyage of the year down Front Street this morning. “I’m always impressed by the response we get from our fans when they see the Jacked Truck. It’s become a really iconic part of the cocktail championships,” he says.

“When we began converting the mixer that would become the Jacked Truck, I was skeptical. First, I wasn’t super sure that people would really want to have a drink from something that was used to mix cement. Second, I worried that the cocktails wouldn’t be safe to drink or even taste good, and lastly I wasn’t sure what the regulatory agencies would say about driving around and distributing thousands of gallons of mixed drinks to the public. To my surprise everything went down as smooth as a Sloe SSHAM Fizz. The public went crazy for the truck, the biggest problem we had was keeping it filled. Everyone wanted a chance to drink straight from the chute, and the rates of hospitalizations were fairly consistent with previous years. While we can’t allow chute drinking anymore, the public response is still overwhelmingly positive. This year we’re hauling nothing but Lahaina Sunrises, the winning drink from last year, and expect to go through over 10,000 gallons this week.”

While it is true that the truck is one of the highlights of the event, it has always driven with a good deal of controversy trailing behind. A petition drive threatened to put the vehicle on blocks, but mayor Albert Cravalho was able to broker a last minute compromise that allowed Manimal to keep the truck on the road this year.

“I have the greatest respect for Mr. Kane and Manimal as a company. They have been a great partner in a number of endeavors and really came to the rescue after the devastation caused by hurricane Neki. However, the Jacked Truck has always made me cringe a little. I understand the public’s concerns, and to be honest we had a number of concerns ourselves. Above and beyond the worry about what sort of message having a commercial vehicle, filled with alcoholic beverages driving around distributing drinks to the masses sends to the public, we were very worried about the use of the chute, and over-serving. I’m proud to announce that we have come to an agreement that I think everyone can live with. Manimal will now use a number of hoses to deliver drinks instead of the chute, and drivers will carry at least 4 cases of water inside the cab at all times to offer a non-alcoholic option to those who’ve had too much already. It’s this kind of common sense cooperation that got me into politics to begin with, and makes Manimal such a valued part of the Lahaina community.”

Mayor Cravalho may be pleased with the agreement and new safety protocol, but people on either side of the issue say they are still not happy. Critics say the Jacked Truck sends a horrible message to children about alcohol and is a danger to the public, even with the new restrictions. Others like Lahaina resident Randy Wilcox, say banning drinking straight from the chute is an attack on their freedoms. “I mean what’s the point of filling up a mixing truck with booze if you and your buddies can’t try to gulp down a torrent flying down the chute,” he says.

“I had hoped that the Jacked Truck would be able to drive right through this bubble wrapped society, but I guess I was wrong. I suppose the next thing the safety police will want is to ban bottles and glasses during cocktail week to keep their feet safe from shards of glass. The whole point of this week is to celebrate the Manimal lifestyle, and enjoy what true freedom feels like. Sometimes it’s great, and sometimes it’s a hunk of glass in your foot. That’s life. Take this whole chute thing. It’s ridiculous! A few years ago I had started the week a little too strong, and had passed out on bench downtown. I was so out of it that I didn’t even hear the beeping as the truck backed up towards me. My buddies helped the driver line up the chute over my head and the BAM! About 10 gallons of Abramo Bomber poured all over me. I inhaled a bunch of it and I almost had to go to the hospital, but I pulled it together and learned the most important lesson of cocktail week, “Never be the first one of your friends to fall asleep.” Life’s all about lessons and the only way to learn those lessons is to take off your helmet and elbow pads and survive them pouring down a chute over your head.”

STORYLINE

Concern Over Veilcorp’s 127 Surplus Grows As Lanai Wildfires Continue

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Unusually high winds and fast-burning trees are making it almost impossible for firefighters to contain the wildfires that are running rampant on Lanai. For the past 3 days, the fires have burned despite the best efforts of officials and first responders, covering the island with smoke, ash, and soot. Now, with the fire only 30% contained, many worry that strong winds may carry embers across the Auʻau Channel to the Lahaina area. While such an event would put fragile parts of the preservation zone in jeopardy, losing trees in the protected area isn’t the biggest concern. Many are worried about Veilcorp warehouses filled with the volatile element 127.

Plumes of smoke and ash have bellowed from the rampaging fire over the weekend. Stretching from Paliakoe Gulch to Kahinahina Ridge, the fire has destroyed over 500 acres of woodlands and is spreading slowly East. While few homes have been damaged in the sparsely inhabited areas of Lanai, the flames and smoke can be seen across the channel from Lahaina, raising concerns over the safety of 127 stockpiles stored on the island.

Veilcorp COO Lisa Hunt says that she understands the concern, but says the public is safe, sighting government regulations about the storage of 127 and strict company guidelines. “We actually go above and beyond what we’re required to do. Many of us live in the Lahaina area too, and I assure you that safety is first and foremost on our minds,” Hunt says.

“The Maui Conservation and Recovery Act put strict rules in place regarding the storage of 127, as well as limits on the amount of the element stored in one place. While those regulations are enough to guarantee the safety of all, we take extra steps to protect against worst-case scenarios. Virtually all the 127 stored on the island currently is in secure underground storage facilities. These warehouses can protect against flood, fire, earthquake, and even a missile attack. They’re designed to last through an apocalypse; there’s no safer place on Earth. If the fires do somehow spread to Maui, the 127 we have stored here won’t be a concern”

However, not everyone is convinced. Kimberly Hekili, Lahaina Conservation Association (LCA) spokesperson says that there is no safe way to store 127. According to her, “Veilcorp has always thumbed its nose at regulations and done what it considers best for its bottom line. These so-called secure warehouses have not been tested in any meaningful way, and we still don’t fully understand the many dangers offered by 127. Anytime the wind has changed in the past few days the emergency sirens along the Honoapiilani Highway have sounded. It’s obvious that the government knows something that they don’t want the public to know. We recommend that the public do what they can to ensure their safety without counting on help or honesty from their elected officials.”

Mayor Cravalho’s calls Hekili’s statements, “reckless, unhelpful, and bordering on the paranoid.” He says the entire Lahaina Fire Department is keeping a close eye on the situation on Lanai. He adds, “I’m proud to say that the LFD has some of the most highly trained emergency specialists anywhere in the world. They have been trained in the safe handling of 127, and in recognizing 127 enhanced fires. They are more than capable of handling any situation, and I’m confident in their capabilities.” In addition, numerous citizen groups have been organized by his office to patrol areas of the preservation zone looking for any airborne embers. “In the highly unlikely event that something does cross the channel from Lanai, I’m confident that we’ll be able to deal with it before any lasting damage is done.”

Local reality TV and streaming star Randy Wilcox, is heading up one of the volunteer patrols, and says that Lahaina residents can sleep well knowing that groups like his are working around the clock. “First and foremost I want the public to know that Randy and the Extinguishers are doing everything we can to raise their spirits and watch for fires. If there’s anyone on the island who knows just how out-of-hand a fire or explosion can get, it’s me! The mayor was nice enough to lend us a fleet of the public Manimal ATVs for as long as the crisis lasts. They’ve been helpful in covering ground and a great asset for our shows. In addition to guarding the forest, Randy and the Extinguishers have been burning up the beach three times a day, with the greatest display of precision driving and creative stunt work, anywhere on the island. With all the doom and gloom of the past few days we thought the residents could use a few awesome jumps in their day. We try to add a little something different to every show, but the ember patrols cut pretty deep into our planning and practice time. Still, I’m as proud of our near crashes, as I am our flawless flips. We’re providing quality entertainment while we protect our most fragile areas.”