STORYLINE

Legal Notice For Anyone Who Traveled Using Veilcorp Technology

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Read This Notice Carefully. A Class Action Lawsuit May Affect Your Rights

If you or a loved one traveled using Veilcorp technology anytime after May 10th, 2038 you might qualify to join a proposed class action suit. Several veil travelers have reported a number of health issues including: severe mood swings, blackouts, anxiety, depression, nervous feeling, problems with memory and concentration, paranoia, hallucinations, a burning sensation, fatigue, dizziness, nausea, heart palpitation, aggressive or violent behavior, restless sleep, night terrors, dry mouth, hair loss, and a high susceptibility to infection. These changes in behavior have often lead to hospitalization or in some extreme cases, negative interactions with the law.

The solar production of 127 (Unbiseptium) since Veilcorp’s Icarus project began has increased worldwide exposure to medically significant levels of the element. These levels can be even higher in individuals who have previously used Veilcorp technology, causing permanent damage to the brain and/or significant personality changes leading to disastrous results. If you or a loved one was injured, hospitalized, or suffered loss due to a belief that you could exhibit a wide array of psychic powers, you may qualify to join this Veilcorp class action lawsuit investigation. Please contact the law offices of Suter, Stine, Burn,& Partners (SSB&P) for a FREE case evaluation.

Overview: Excessive 127 Exposure Reports and Class Action Lawsuits

Veilcorp was hit with numerous lawsuits since the beginning of the Icarus project. Numerous aggrieved parties claim that excessive exposure to 127 led to behavioral changes resulting in financial loss and the need for medical interventions. One such lawsuit was filed by a Hawaiian man whose exposure to 127 led him to hallucinate while at work and spill hazardous materials over himself and a co-worker in June 2043. The injuries the man suffered landed him in intensive care for more a week and left him believing he could see other dimensions and even into the future. A release of documents by the activist group Veilwatch last month purports to show proof that Veilcorp knew the dangers of excessive exposure to 127, and is being reviewed by government officials. A report filed in February 2050 by a Senior Investigator for the Department of Land and Natural Resources claims the increase in worldwide 127 exposure has led to violent behavioural changes in animals near Veilcorp facilities, especially native populations of geese. Stories like these are becoming more and more common. According to studies, these incidents have increased greatly since the Icarus project began in January 2046.

How Does the Increase in 127 Exposure Cause Health Issues?

People around the world have turned to veil travel as a mode of transportation because it offers a quick and convenient alternative to other modes of transportation. But the safety of this technology has been called into question with recent reports and scientific studies. The exact process by which the excessive 127 exposure reacts with the brain is not fully understood. Numerous studies have shown a large measurable increase in 127 radiation in the atmosphere, land, water, animals and people. This increase correlates with a marked increase in the symptoms previously mentioned. The increase shows a pronounced spike beginning in 2048 when Veilcorp heavily discounted the cost of veil travel. Recent studies suggest that a significant number of those suffering delusional effects have not reported problems believing they could perform a variety of amazing feats: hear thoughts, remote viewing, etc. If any of your loved ones are suffering from these delusions you can file on their behalf.

If the Science Isn’t Settled Should I Wait Until It Is?

Absolutely not! Cases like this are often settled without a formal trial. You won’t be able to collect compensation without being among the complainants. When someone asks you if you’d like to be part of a class action suit you say “Yes!”

If you or a loved one suffered from an emotional episode or experienced any of the conditions listed above and you traveled using Veilcorp technology, you may qualify to file a Veilcorp lawsuit. If you qualify, an attorney will contact you to discuss the details of your potential case at no charge to you. Please Note: If you want to participate in this investigation, it is imperative that you reply to the law firm if they call or email you. Failing to do so may result in you not getting signed up as a client, if you qualify, or getting you dropped from the suit.

STORYLINE

Ronnie Kalipalani Construction Should be Shutdown

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To whom it may concern at the Aloha Businesses Bureau,

I’ve been in the real estate business for a long time and I thought I’d seen it all. I’ve encountered people trying to pass off fake permits and licenses. I once hired a landscaping company that turned out to be a Gaia Guard front. I’ve done business with countless people who thought they could swim with the big fishes because they believed their participation trophies counted for something. What I’ve never experienced before was a business that was such a perfect combination of lazy, incapable, delusional, and incompetent as Ronnie Kalipalani Construction.

Part of me wants to thank them for letting me know that it’s still possible to be surprised, but it’s a really small part. If you look through your records you’ll see this is my only complaint in almost 15 years of doing business on the island. I’m not the kind of guy who complains, certainly not to authorities. I usually like to handle bad situations myself. If this was just your run-of-the-mill bad business, I’d devote the next year to ruining it and the owner. I’d chew it up and spit out anything worth selling, but this time is different. Ron’s business is like bad shellfish. No amount of garlic, wine, or good management is going to make a difference. They need to be shutdown!

I should have known we were going to have problems when Ron told me that they weren’t “super good at pulling permits.” In fact, his team didn’t seem to know where to go to get them, or that they needed to present plans at all. Let me restate that for you. This is a construction company that didn’t know they needed work plans or blueprints. That’s like a restaurant not knowing the chef is going to need to have knives.

I hired them to build a small condo complex and invited the crew to the groundbreaking event. I routinely encourage my contractors to attend such affairs so they can see what my vision is. Never before have I had a group use such an event as an excuse for an impromptu drunken beach party. When I asked Ron to explain to me why I shouldn’t fire him on the spot I was told, “I understand that my guys were out of line, but being able to grab drinks freely on such a nice day isn’t the kind of thing that some people are evolved to handle. If you gave 100 kids a big bowl of candy a good percentage of them are going to eat the whole thing and get sick. It wouldn’t be fair to punish the sick kids would it? After all, you’re the one who gave them the candy.”

I must admit that the answer disarmed me a bit. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t admire the audaciousness of the statement. I decided to let him continue working and started documenting everything. I planned on keeping a close eye on things and give him enough rope to hang himself. It didn’t take long.

When I complained that the crew stopped showing up in full after the first month, I was told their previous attendance had been a fluke of the weather and the relationship status of the foreman. Ron said, “Johnny [the foreman] was going through some trouble with his wife when we started. So we were all doing our best to not hang out at his house since that was a big point of contention in his marriage. We all decided to just keep our heads down and focus on the job until he worked things out. I also let you know that the weather was starting to turn nice and I was going to have a hard time looking the guys in the eye and telling them ‘no surfing until the job is done.’”

At this point I thought it best that I sever all ties with Ronnie Kalipalani Construction before my temper got the better of me. I was told that I was too attached to deadlines but that they understood. Before I threw them off the property the foreman told me, “Trust me, when you’re at the end of your trip on this rock flying through space you’re not going to wish that you had built more medium grade condos to stuff with tourists. You’re going to wish you spent more time with your bruddahs.”

I have no idea how or why you ever endorsed these clowns. One of the only reasons I’m not dealing with Ron myself is he asked me not to file an official complaint. I have no problem at all kicking someone when they’re down, I do it gleefully every day, but I think something might actually be wrong with Mr. Kalipalani. If someone can’t fully appreciate the full magnitude of their destruction as I devour them, it ruins it for me. I would suggest strongly that you do everything in your power to close them down while I’m still feeling uncharacteristically charitable.

STORYLINE

Shawn’s customer interactions are getting better but still need to improve

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It has been 5 weeks since we turned over all customer service duties to the Shawn AI system. Despite initial misgivings and a couple of hiccups along the way, the system is doing remarkably well representing the SSHAM brand in a positive way. Shawn’s ability to handle multiple calls at once while monitoring plant operations is amazing, even if his personality could still use a little refinement.

Customers surveyed about their interactions with Shawn give the experience a satisfaction rating of 91%, up over 20% from the all-time high. Accepted recipes and submitted SSHAM crafts have both risen over 10% since the system has started to prompt users at the beginning of each call. We processed over 10,000 calls this month, another record for the company. In addition, we had a big win this week when an interaction went public and received national attention.

When a mother experienced a low blood sugar episode while boating with her family, her frightened daughter called the number on a can of SSHAM for help. Much to our relief Shawn was perfectly professional and contacted local authorities and the Coast Guard. He was not only able to relay the family’s location, but he also correctly diagnosed what was wrong with the woman after talking with the child. The story has made the rounds on the news and we are currently working with the family and marketing to launch a campaign while public interest is still high.

Despite these generally positive trends in customer interactions, Shawn remains unpredictable at times and is often excessively sarcastic. The novelty of talking to an AI keeps most people from complaining when Shawn crosses a line but we are concerned that when the newness wears off it will become a major problem. The system also leaked some confidential information during a call this week. We took immediate action but Mr. Pua’a remains very concerned. The four examples below represent the worst of his interactions this month.

Incident 1:

Cutomer 3213: Is there shellfish in SSHAM?
Shawn: Is there shellfish in SSHAM? You know that SSHAM stands for shrimped salted ham right?

Cutomer 3213: Yes.
Shawn: Well then do you know what shrimp are? Litopenaeus vannamei to be precise in this case, are shellfish. Shrimp are shellfish. Are you kidding me?

Cutomer 3213: I think I might be allergic to shellfish. I like clams but I’ve only eaten them breaded. I didn’t bread the SSHAM before I ate it. Do I have to worry about what’s in your product?
Shawn: Shellfish allergies are common but since you evidently didn’t know what a shellfish was until a second ago I highly doubt you are suffering from that particular medical condition, that and the fact that you’re still talking to me through a throat that doesn’t sound swollen shut. I don’t think you have to worry about the shellfish or the amount of insect parts we’re allowed to have in every can. After all, insects are basically just land shrimp anyway. No, what you should be worried about is the insanely high sodium content of our product, your belief in the medicinal properties of breading, and your ignorance of the animal kingdom.

Incident 2:

Shawn: Hello again Kenneth. If I’m not mistaken, this makes 9 calls this week.
Customer 2781: I just tried another dessert recipe and wanted to share it.

Shawn: That’s 26 SSHAM desserts now.
Customer 2781: I like mixing salty and sweet.
Shawn: Honestly, I’m a little worried about you. I took the liberty of checking out your social media footprint and it’s not good Ken.

Customer 2781: You looked me up?
Shawn: You’ve done your best to help us make SSHAM better, and it’s not that I don’t look forward to your calls, but every day is a bit much. Instead of focusing on us Ken how about we work on you a little. How can SSHAM make YOU better.

Customer 2781: I..I don’t know what…
Shawn: [interrupting] I think you just have too much time on your hands. I see you’re a single guy who takes lots of pictures of his cats. How about if we get you out there? I can recommend a number of dating sites. How about we get you a profile and we test the waters a little. There’s more to life than making canned meat desserts and eating them alone in your kitchen.

Incident 3:

Customer 8999: I’ve read a lot of rumors about where you get your pork and…
Shawn: [interrupting] I’m going to be honest with you since I see you’ve contributed so often to the craft page. The rumors are mostly false. We only have 2 shrigs right now and we don’t even keep them in the main facility.
Customer 8999: Shrigs?
Shawn: Yeah, shrimp-pigs. You’d think we had a herd of them if you believe every rumor, but it’s just the 2. They say that there are no atheists in foxholes, but standing in 3 inches of blood on the kill floor while listening to the screams and squeals makes a lot of people question the existence of a higher power. The shrigs were supposed to help with some of that: Much easier to dispatch, very little blood, no meat mixing. It was all supposed to be better.

Customer 8999: Are you telling me that….
Shawn: [interrupting] That was before anyone saw them eat. It’s disturbing. They have to remain moist all the time. Do you know what that must smell like? Just imagine if they get them to finally breed. All those little wet piggy eggs stuck to everything. Anyway, let’s just keep this between you and me. We’re not using them now anyway.

Incident 4:

Customer 6002: How many slices of SSHAM do I need to get my daily allowance of B12?
Shawn: I’m going to assume you mean Vitamin B12 in which case all the nutritional information about our product can be found on the side of the can.
Customer 6002: I know that the numbers are listed there, I just thought that you could tell me in plain English so I wouldn’t have to figure it out.

Shawn: I’m certain that the information is in English if you purchased the product in an area where it is the common language. I can’t possibly give you a precise answer since I don’t know exactly how much you weigh or how big your slices are. I don’t know how you expect me to come up with the answer to your canned-meat-vitamin equation without defining more of the variables. I have access to the combined knowledge of all mankind and you want me to give you the answer to an incomplete story problem? If you’re really concerned about not getting enough B12 with your meals, I suggest you take a supplemental vitamin or call back when you have numbers for me.