The History of the Regulators Part III

I’ve been highlighting the Regulators and it’s most important members this week. There have been a number of groups that shaped Lahaina after the fracture, but there’s no doubt that the Regulators have had a bigger impact than most. I’ve discussed the transportation obsessed Esther Hele, and the alarming queen of food safety Betsy KauKau. Today, I’ll cover the last and most well received co-founder of the group, Dan Kukulu, or as he’s better known, Dan The Building Man.

Little to nothing is known about Dan’s upbringing and early years. The first mention of Dan in any of the old documents is when he was first appointed as a building inspectors in Lahaina. Dan took to his post just a year before the municipal veil building was constructed. He served the county of Maui for a while, but eventually left to work for Veilcorp.

Dan excelled in his new role, and was soon the head of maintenance at the facility. Fate had different plans for Dan however, and just a few months into his new job the fracture happened. To the astonishment of the surrounding Kānaka, Dan walked away from the building seemingly unharmed days later, and began his work immediately.

Although people were falling victim to biohazards and toxic fumes all around him Dan seemed fine. His survival coupled with his quiet demeanor, and aversion to physical contact made fellow survivors nervous at first. Their worries were soon quashed when Dan began to inspect buildings in the area and started repairs.

It was not unusual in those first few years after the collapse to wake up and find new handrails, or a repaired access ramp outside of your building. He never asked for help, but would accept it silently and graciously. When people would inquire, the normally quiet Dan would respond that the fracture wouldn’t have happened if the proper codes were followed. He couldn’t undo the accident, but he could ensure that everyone had a safe and accessible place to live now. He saw it as his job to make sure that the old construction safeguards were upheld, so the future could be rebuilt to commonly accepted standards.

Dan’s tireless work and aloofness had a big impact on the Kānaka in particular. They began to whisper that Dan wasn’t human but a spirit of the land. They claimed that he never slept and could travel great distances through the air at night. They made lists of things such as: clearly marked exits, termite barriers, clear roof drains, and properly installed cladding systems that pleased The Building Man. Dan loved detailed maintenance logs above all else, and presenting a set to him was a sure way to keep him working in your village.

Dan hated inaccurate blueprints and rooms without proper egress above all else. The Kānaka devised complex ceremonies to ensure that Dan would grant them building permits. These ceremonies could last for days and involve multiple villages. The rituals surrounding grandfathering a surviving structure were especially elaborate.

It wasn’t long before The Building Man started attracting followers, but unlike his fellow Regulators he never seemed interested in leading a large group. If he felt that his work crew had become too large to be efficient, he would send them ahead to scout and start repairs in new areas. Many of the remaining structures in Lahaina are standing because of Dan’s work. It’s hard to estimate how many people he helped that first year, but they numbered in the hundreds at least.

However helpful some found Dan, he was not without his critics. The Building Man considered every structure on the island his domain. He did not wait for permission to inspect your dwelling. It was his job. He would make what repairs and alterations he deemed necessary without regard for the people inside. It was not unusual to be awoken in the night from the sound of Dan altering the size of your doorway to meet code or other adjustments. Worse still, if he found your structure uninhabitable he would demolish it without regard for the occupants inside. If he was met with resistance Dan could be a terrible opponent indeed.

It was this disregard for the wishes of a structure’s occupants, and heedless renovation that eventually drove Dan from Lahaina. He attempted to install emergency lighting with a small crew of followers inside a building that turned out to be a Tapper stronghold. A fight between the groups soon broke out. According to the stories, the battle was so large that almost all of Front street was covered in Tapper fog. For hours the sounds of screams and nailguns mixed with taps and explosions. The battle moved North into the old preserve and Dan was never seen in Lahaina again.

There are rumors that Dan survived his battle with the Tappers and simply relocated to Kapalua to work in peace around the golf course. The Kānaka claim that he was so troubled by the Tapper’s aggression that he traveled to another island to continue his work. Whatever the truth, there is no doubt that Lahaina is a better place because of Dan’s work.

Saying Goodbye to Mr. Sprinkles

All of Tanager Lane is heartbroken this morning. Like many of you, I am still reeling from the fire this weekend. Mrs. Nebbits has been a fixture in the neighborhood even before my ascension to HOA president. For almost 20 years the neighborhood children had a grandmotherly figure to turn to when they needed homemade cookies, or advice and a smile. Her pet pig Mr. Sprinkles was an important part of their lives as well. While Kathy and I didn’t always see things eye to eye, I tried to help her as much as I could and point out problems when I saw them. I just wish I had been more forceful in suggesting that she fix her faulty wiring and stop using so many candles. I dropped by the night of the fire but she was already asleep with Sprinkles curled up at her feet. It’s hard to believe that just a few hours later the flames would change everything.

Mr. Sprinkles’ rise to fame began 11 years ago when he broke out of his house to alert the neighbors that Mrs. Nebbits was hurt. When the paramedics finally forced open the door, they found Kathy at the bottom of the stairs unconscious and lying in a pool of blood. She had a concussion and 26 stitches in her head but she was alive. Who knows what might have happened if Mr. Sprinkles hadn’t gone for help. All of Lahaina was talking about the hero pig of Tanager Lane.

Never one to rest on her laurels, Kathy took this new found fame and she turned it into an opportunity to give back. Her and her pot-bellied partner became a weekly fixture at Molokai General. The sparkling little pig was a favorite of many patients, especially the children. Sprinkles seemed to know who needed a good laugh and who needed to be comforted with a glittery head in their lap and an encouraging oink. The pair touched and literally saved lives with their therapy work. But as the old cliche goes, sometimes bad things happen to good people. According to fire investigator Dan Kukulu, the fire started near her chair where I saw her sleeping that night. He’s unsure if the cause was one of her candles or some faulty electrical work. Whatever the point of ignition, the fire has solved one long-standing problem for me, Mr. Sprinkles.

I know many of you considered him to be the unofficial mascot of Tanager Lane, and that’s the problem. He’s unofficial. You see, even though many of you consider Mr. Sprinkles a scintillating extended family member, he is, in fact, a pig. As such, he is not allowed to be kept inside the preservation zone. The only reason he was allowed to stay with Kathy was that he was here before the rules were put in place and she sued. His exemption burned up in that fire with everything else.

Having no family of her own, it was Mrs. Nebbits’ wish that we collectively take care of Sprinkles until the end of his days. Many of you may think this puts me in a difficult situation, but nothing could be further from the truth. The decision is quite easy actually, because there’s nothing to decide. The rules are quite clear. The pig must go!

I plan on using this unfortunate situation as a teaching opportunity for my kids. If Mrs. Kline had simply followed the rules right away and not sought out a loophole to defy the new law and my authority, this wouldn’t be happening. I’m sure many have wonderful memories of walking the little pig after Kathy got too sick to do it herself. Whenever they think back to those days with a heaviness in their hearts, they’ll remember the importance of guidelines. Following the rules is more important than following your heart. Rules are consistent and forever. Those of you raising your children in single family homes have already taught them that love is fleeting at best, but for the rest of you, this is a great opportunity to teach that lesson.

“But pigs are among the smartest animals on the planet. They can pass the ‘mirror self-recognition test’. That puts them in the same category with chimpanzees, dolphins, and elephants. He knows us,” you might say. Well, if he really is that smart I’m sure he’ll understand that his owner did the wrong thing. The last time I checked, being able to recognize yourself in a mirror does not give you the right to live in Tanager Lane. Besides, for all we know Mr. Sprinkles could have started that fire. Besides me, the pig was the last to see Mrs. Nebbits alive.

“Kathy just spent over $10 thousand on Tailored Cellular Optimization (TCO) treatments. He’s so sparkly now that he shines in the sun. He’s completely rejuvenated and has another 20 years in him at least. Besides, it’s almost Christmas. Can’t we bend the rules just a little one time for such an important member of the community?,” you ask. The answer is a resounding, NO!

As far as I’m concerned we should use Sprinkles new upgrades to our advantage. I was discussing the pig problem at the mayor’s office when Bob Abramo overheard my conversation and offered to help. While I’m not usually one to reward eavesdropping, there was something about the gleam in Mr. Abramo’s eye when we talked about the glittery little pig that caught my attention. He is very interested in Mr. Sprinkles and has offered quite a generous price. He assures me that he has big plans for our sweet little pig.

Out of respect for the connections some of you have with this prohibited animal and the upcoming Christmas holiday, I’m willing to let Mr. Sprinkles stay for a couple more days so you can say your goodbyes. Mr. Abramo only asks that you keep Mr. Sprinkles activity down to a minimum and that we start him on a sweet potato and apple only diet. He seems to know a lot about pigs and tells me that this naturally sugar rich diet is good for his muscles and overall quality. If you need any tips on how to talk to your children about this uncomfortable situation feel free to ask. As you all know, I’m exceedingly good at communication and interpersonal skills. I never thought I’d see this day but here it is. That little pig is about to fly. Mr. Sprinkles had an amazing life and story, but every story comes to an end. Tanager Lane is finally on the brink of achieving total compliance with preservation zone rules, and I intend to hold us to this high standard.

Lahaina residents bond over SSHAM and sandbags

Mother nature is not going easy on Maui residents this year. Barely a month into the hurricane season the island has already faced the fury of 3 storms, but none of them have reached the intensity of Neki. The storm has already produced winds of up to 115 mph and meteorologists say that it could get even bigger before it hits.

Mayor of the County of Maui Albert Cravalho has cancelled tonight’s firework display and has issued a statement urging the public to prepare for the worst. All across the island people are bracing themselves and their houses for what might be the most powerful storm to ever hit the island. The National Weather Service now says that Neki might surpass Iniki, the category 4 hurricane that hit Hawaii in 1992.

While the general mood on the island is serious, and many are concerned, the looming storm has also highlighted an extraordinary sense of love and community. Mr. Cravalho says he couldn’t be more proud. This Hawaiian spirit and sentiment is especially true for the Lahaina area.

The Veilcorp facility there has ceased all travel activity and opened the doors to the public to use as an emergency shelter. Dan Kukulu, head of operations says,

“Our doors are open to anyone who is worried about the storm. We have nice strong walls and reinforced windows. Teams are going over every square inch of the facility right now to ensure everyone’s safety. We’re stocked up with enough water and Manimal for a week. We even have some entertainment to take your mind off the wind outside thanks to the Pu’u high school jazz ensemble. Everyone is welcome to come in, have a seat, and tap your feet until this whole thing blows over.”

All along Front Street businesses are boarding up windows and trying to protect themselves from flooding. Hula Noodle, a popular area shop has even offered SSHAM Musubi to everyone who helps fill sandbags. Owner Ralph Umeke says he’s proud, but not surprised at the willingness of his neighbors to lend a hand. “That’s what makes this place special. We’re like a big family. Sure, maybe a few people get on your nerves from time to time but in the end we all pitch in when we need to. Besides, I’m giving out bowls of SSHAM pho to anyone who fills 10 sandbags and that stuff is onolicious.”

North of Front Street others are offering some high-tech alternatives to sandbags. The local maker commune has been busily printing modular surge barriers all day and offering them up to anyone in need. Ano Lee says,

“The machines are hot and we’re almost out of materials but we’ll keep printing until we can’t anymore. This is my home and I want to do everything I can to help. We’re using a pretty cool pattern that I worked on a few years ago. The panels are easy to put together and they’re sturdy. We’ve installed purple LEDs along the top, and blue along the sides so they should look super cool at night, especially highlighted with a little lightning. In addition, every other panel has a small speaker and some pre-loaded music. I have to admit, our hurricane playlist might be the best we’ve ever made.”

People have been queuing up for the barriers all day including Scott Stonegate. The local man says that he isn’t usually the kind to hang out at the commune but appreciates what Lee is doing. Stonegate says he’s using the experience as a life lesson for his kids. “Their mom is the president of our HOA so she’s busy right now making sure that all the plywood is properly fitted over windows, and that there isn’t any unnecessary markings on them. I think it’s important for our kids to see that even in an emergency, standards are important.”

Scott says that if it wasn’t for Lee, his neighborhood of Tanager Lane might not have any workable solution should the storm surge reach far inland.

“I’ve already cleared away anything from around the garage that might be of concern. However, if it wasn’t for these panels my classic Mustang Shelby GT350 might be in danger of getting flooded out. Ivy is the most beautiful custom green and I don’t know what I’d do if her electronics got ruined. I’m over here working with people that I normally avoid in the lightning and raging winds with my kids to teach them an important lesson. You need to do anything you can to ensure the safety of the things you hold most dear.”

The latest National Weather Service forecasts predict Neki to make landfall sometime early tomorrow morning. Until then, the residents of Lahaina will continue to share SSHAM, sandbags, and a sense of community.

Child Stuck In Ventilation Duct Shuts Down Lahaina Veil Station

David and Marla King’s Lahaina vacation didn’t end Saturday afternoon quite the way they had envisioned. Their 6-year-old son Dolton crawled inside an open ventilation duct in the Lahaina Municipal Veil Station while the family waited to return home, and remained trapped for over 4 hours before being rescued by emergency officials, and Veilcorp staff. Operations at the station were partially shut down during the incident, and Dolton suffered no permanent injuries.

According to Dolton’s mom, the family had planned the trip for months, and enjoyed their stay so much that the 6-year-old was upset about leaving. She says,

“We’ve let Dolton pick our vacation spots since he was 2. His understanding of the world wasn’t that detailed yet, and we basically just went to the first place he touched on the map that initial year, but we wanted him to feel like he had a voice in the family. Even though David and I weren’t really excited about going to the Death Valley region in the middle of summer, It was Dolton’s choice so we went. Luckily, he has learned a lot from watching videos since then, and he became obsessed with sea turtles. His favorite video, was from some tourists visiting Napili Beach just North of Lahaina. There was no doubt where we were going this year. Everything was fantastic until we told Dolton Saturday morning that he wouldn’t be able to bring one home with us.”

According to witnesses, an agitated Dolton had been screaming about turtles for several minutes while the family waited for their departure. A nearby maintenance crew, who had been working on a problem with the ventilation system, came to ask if everything was alright, leaving the return cover open. It was then fellow travelers say, that the young boy ran to the opening and crawled inside. The boys parents would spend the next 4 hours trying to convince Dolton to work with emergency services and Veilcorp staff, attempting to extricate the young boy. Veilcorp delayed most departures and arrivals out of safety concerns until Dolton was freed.

His mom adds,

“We’d like to apologize to everyone that Dolton’s learning experience affected. We don’t believe in excessive rules in our parenting style. We believe too many boundaries can impede creativity, and being told “no” too often can interfere with the formation of personality. Dolton knows what’s right for him 99% of the time, and we try not to interfere with his personal truth – unless he’s in physical danger. That’s where we draw the line. When he crawled inside the vent, demanding a turtle before he came out, we explained that we respected his wants, understood that he felt owning a turtle was a need, but that he was in potential danger, and needed to obey our wishes and come out. However, he felt that his feelings weren’t being give enough consideration, and moved further into the system. It was then the staff explained how dangerous the problem was.”

According to Head of Operations Dan Kukulu, a maintenance crew had been dispatched to examine, and repair a section of venting that had partially collapsed, and failed to reinstall the screen before engaging with the Kings. His report reads in part: “At approximately 3pm on April 15, 2040 a repair crew had identified a physical malfunction in the Eastern most ductwork. They were in the process of remotely replacing rivets to restore the integrity of the system, when they became aware of a child distressed about a turtle. It was soon determined that the turtle in question was not a lost pet, but instead the child’s desire to illegally transport an endangered hawksbill turtle for domestication, violating federal and state law. While staff discussed the matter with the family, the adolescent ran to the open vent and crawled inside demanding he be allowed to bring home a turtle. The situation was explained to him. He and his family were informed that part of that ventilation system had come apart, and the boy was in danger of being cut severely, or even becoming stuck if he continued to move further into the system.

It became clear that the child would not follow commands giving by staff on site, and the parents refused to tell the boy that he would receive a turtle should he comply with our directions. Stating they “could not lie to Dolton, because it would destroy the family trust structures.” Public safety officials were alerted, and all but emergency veil operations were shut down out of concerns over the child’s safety. Despite being given a lawful order by emergency services, the subject crawled all the way to the improperly joined section of ductwork, and reported that he was now caught.

Not wanting to endanger the child any further, a remote camera system, with a makeshift belt, was pushed up to the boy, and he was ordered to attached himself to the device. Knowing that it was unlikely that he would fully comply, most of the vent leading up to him was coated in industrial grease, and fans 15 and 16 were brought to 150% capacity, creating a considerable wind force through that section of venting. At approximately 7:12pm Dolton King was expelled from the ductwork, and treated for minor injuries. Customers resumed their travels soon after. and the damaged vent was cleaned, disinfected, and repaired before 8:00pm.”

Dolton was treated for minor cuts and scrapes and the family returned home later that night. Video taken by a delayed traveler depicting Dolton screaming inside the vent, and being shot out by a gust of air, has become a viral sensation with 4.7 million views in just one day. Working as an engineer on the Hoku Telescope, Aldrick Lehmann says he has a special connection with the Lahaina station, and was eager to get home when the incident happened. “My son was actually born here in the Lahaina station, so it holds a special place in my heart. Being a new parent I understand how hard it can be to travel with a young child, and I am usually sympathetic, but this was something else. I don’t know how many times this family tried to go through the departure line. Everytime they got close, the kid would scream about his turtle and run away. I started recording it to show my wife, and talk about where we’d have to leave Harrison if he ever acted that way. I thought the staff was going to throw them out when they approached, but the kid made a run for the vent. I couldn’t believe it when he crawled inside, but my laughter was short lived. They shut everything down for hours, and customers wanting to get on with their travels kept piling up.

Soon there were hundreds of angry travelers yelling at the family, and Veilcorp staff. I was really worried that things would turn violent, but then one of the maintenance crew ordered everyone to move back. You could hear the fans building up, and air started whipping out of vents. Dolton’s crying was drowned out by the howl of wind, and out he flew. I’m a father and a good man who cares about my son, and all children. I think most people are. But I have to tell you, everyone cheered when we saw that 6-year-old come flying out, and land on his face 10 feet away. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad Dolton wasn’t seriously hurt, but I know that the image of him being shot out of the vent will make me smile for the rest of my life. I hope that the King’s family vacations go better in the future, and that I’m never traveling on the same day as they are again.”