STORYLINE

Law That Would Put Quota On Veil Travelers Passes

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Amongst cheers from its supporters and threats of legal action from the opposition, the InterIsland Preservation and Travel Act (IPTA) was passed today. The law would establish tough new regulations on the use of Veil transportation on any of the Hawaiian islands and impose a quota on the number of monthly visitors. Many native Hawaiians see the measure as a much needed safeguard for failing infrastructure and fragile natural areas. Veilcorp calls it a disappointing overreach. The controversial law is set to go into effect in 2047.

Proponents of the legislation say it is needed to protect strained electrical and sewage systems and to shield vital natural areas from overuse. Advocates point to the frequent back-up and spillage problems in Honolulu, and the recent destruction of a turtle nesting beach in Maui by a wedding party, as proof of the need for the law.

Starting next year, anyone planning to veil into the islands must submit a visitor declaration at least 60 days in advance, and outline which destinations they plan to visit as well as provide a departure date. Anyone caught staying past this date, or veiling in without a permit will be heavily fined with the possibility of jail-time for repeat offenders.

Not everyone on the islands agrees with the law. Many local businesses say they depend on a robust tourist trade, and cutting down the number of tourists by what some estimates say could be half, would be the beginning of the end for them. They also point out that so far the state has not explained how they would administer the monthly quotas or the waiting lists that are sure to reach out into year-long delays.

All of these questions and concerns are moot according to Veilcorp spokesperson Lisa Hunt. She says the new law is absurd and clearly unconstitutional, calling it “legislative theater”. Hunt says,

“Freedom of movement under United States law is one of the most fundamental constitutional rights of citizens recognized by the courts. It was recognized in the Articles of Confederation and the right to freely move between states is about as basic as it gets. What the Hawaiian government has done here is nothing more than an act of pandering to a very vocal and militant group of voters. They know that this law will not stand up to scrutiny in the courts. We suggest that they upgrade their sewer systems if they are no longer sufficient instead of spreading it around through legislation. Perhaps these advocates should get out of their comfy chairs and take a more hands-on approach to protecting the natural areas they allege to hold so dear. Stripping away freedoms won’t induce turtles to lay eggs.”

Mayor of the County of Maui, Albert Cravalho, disagrees. He says the law is much needed relief for a problem that has been growing for the past 7 years.

“Freely traveling between states has been considered a fundamental right but the federal government has not been invested with the authority to protect that freedom by the courts. That power has always resided with the states. But more importantly, we have to recognize that the Constitution is a living document. At one time slaves were considered three-fifths of a person, alcohol was illegal, and women were not allowed to vote. The creators of this great document wrote with quills, the ramifications of overcrowding due to veil technology was not on their radar. Oeming and his precious Veilcorp are just the latest incarnation of Captain Cook-like characters trying to exploit the beauty of Hawaii and its people. This problem really started to grow in 2039 when the United States joined 181 other countries in signing The Gateway Travel Accord. Giving virtually the entire population of the planet permission, and the ability to instantaneously stuff themselves into the 4,000 square miles many of us call home is short-sighted to say the least. Every winter our jails are filled with drunk Bostonians and others overstaying their visas. This is not a problem of our making. This is a global issue that was thrust upon us. Luaus aren’t a human right afforded to every southie, Saudi and shanghainese!.”

Albert’s sentiments are shared by many on the islands despite their doubts about the law’s eventual impact on the overcrowding and flash-tourist problems. Local IPTA advocate Elizabeth Stonegate says,

“As President of the Tanager Lane Homeowners’ Association for the past 15 years, I’m no stranger to hard and unpopular decisions so I empathize with the Mayor. If you think putting a travel quota in place is hard you should try getting everyone to agree to mandatory hibiscus planting. I agree that this is a problem that was thrust upon us by other countries. Just the other day a lost tourist wandered into the neighborhood. He walked up to me as I was getting the mail and asked for directions. His accent was so thick and I didn’t know what he was saying at first. You can imagine how off-putting the experience was. If something like that can happen in Tanager Lane, I can only imagine what horrors happen on a daily basis in the less upscale areas around the island.”

STORYLINE

How To Communicate the News About the Train Station In a Responsible Way

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Dear city council,

Like many in Lahaina, I was delighted when I heard about the inter-island rail project. Having an easy way to travel across the island and to Lanai seemed like a great idea, even considering the level of profanity that public transportation evokes. When I learned that Veilcorp was pulling out last year I was greatly concerned. Mayor Cravalho did an admirable job however of quickly spreading the news that the train might still run one day. Unfortunately, it appears now that the train won’t be traveling anywhere. My investigations have revealed that the train station has a new owner and we have a potential crisis on our hands. I’m talking of course about the crisis of excessive disappointment. We need to make sure our friends and neighbors are ready for it.

As a published amateur sociologist with 2 active blogs, I’ve devoted my life to identifying the ills of society. Many of you ignored my warnings about the increase in public profanity the radio tower would produce. I think we all know how that worked out. I can only hope that you listen more closely to my warnings about rampant disappointment.

My studies and observations have led me to believe that the displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations might be just as bad as swearing. Research has shown that when asked to rank words from “good” to “bad”, disappointment ranks consistently near the bottom. These investigations have further shown that a feeling of disappointment can drastically affect an individual’s behavior. I have some personal experience in this area.

As a child my parents would often forget to pick me up at scheduled times after events, a phenomenon that continues to this day. I can’t count how many times I’ve carpooled with a group only to be inexplicably left behind when it was time to go. I’m not sure what it is that makes it so easy for others to drive away without me, but the disappointment it caused has left its mark. I now try to drive myself everywhere and become very anxious whenever I ride with someone else. The last thing we need is an entire island wondering what to do with themselves because the possibility of taking a train ride home has been stripped from them.

Trains are romantic and good for the environment. There’s no doubt that Veil travel is the way to go if you’re traveling a long way, but for short trips there’s nothing like riding the rails. Trains are a great way to see the countryside and really experience a culture. Most countries see the value in a robust rail system and I know many on the island do too. A recent survey of 150 different countries has shown that the U.S. ranked 5th for being the most emotional country. Our emotional rivers are already swollen at the banks and I’m not sure what is going to happen if the city council unleashes a downpour of disappointment with the train news.

Things have already turned violent with the year long delay. I’ve been spending the last few months hiding near the empty station at night. I watch people walk by in order to gauge their level of disappointment and the emotional problems it causes. What I’ve found is eye-opening. I’ve been verbally assaulted and threatened on numerous occasions while crouched in the bushes. I was even attacked with pepper spray on one occasion while trying to follow a particularly raucous group who were wandering by. I was stunned at how quickly their laughter turned to screams and shouts. I wondered what had caused such a quick change in mood as I tried to wash out my eyes in the shadows. I’ve been all over this island and the people are generally kind and friendly. Why were they acting so differently at night near the train station, especially towards someone partially hidden in the foliage? Then a switch flipped in my head and the answer became clear: crushing disappointment.

I’m sure Vereserum is a fine company and will employ people, pay taxes, and all that, but will they be offering train rides? I highly doubt it. We need to get in front of this thing before word gets out. I don’t want to get bogged down in how I know about this deal before it has been made public. That’s not important right now. What is important is appropriate signage and a carefully crafted statement.

Luckily for you, I am willing to offer up my expertise and extensive knowledge of the human mind. I have a few ideas about the amount of smiley faces and other positive emoji’s to include in your official statement, and some font choices that I think will serve us well. Lahaina is supposed to be a friendly, beautiful place. Nobody wants to watch sad surfers or walk along a bitter beach. Disappointment can spread like a disease and we need to be the cure. If I work all night I can have my slides ready for your morning meeting. Let me know If I should stay home tonight and out of the bushes. I’m confident that together we can guide the people of Lahaina through this difficult time.

STORYLINE

Protests Shutdown Veilcorp Facilities Nationwide

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Three Veilcorp facilities closed today due to a number of organized protests across the country.

While dozens of smaller protests have sprung up at various company buildings, protests in Detroit, Seattle, and Lahaina have been exceptionally large. So far the demonstrations have been peaceful and officials have urged restraint on both sides due to the long history of violent protests involving Veilcorp. Company officials have halted operations at these facilities out of safety concerns.

Gateway technology has been hotly debated for several years but last year’s signing of The Gateway Travel Accord has led to numerous protests that have become increasingly violent. Radical environmental groups like Gaia Guard have broken into and vandalized a number of Veilcorp facilities in recent years and the watchdog group VeilWatch remains a staunch opponent, claiming the company has a long history of “pay-to-play” activities. Today’s protests appear to be organized by a collection of trade organizations and unions. They are by far the largest and most well organized to date.

Police and emergency services are monitoring the protests and say they hope everyone will act responsibly. The President has promised to “hold both sides accountable for their actions should things get out of hand.”

“Today marks the 177th anniversary of the formation of The Brotherhood of Locomotive Engineers and Trainmen. The BLET was created to combat robber barons and corrupt politicians. In 1946 the union shutdown the railroads and forced the government to address the people’s concerns. Those concerns were more important than corporate profits and political favors. They made their government acknowledge wrongs and made them make things right. Becoming part of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters in 2004 renewed that commitment to protecting hard-working people. With the help of our brothers and sisters in the Association of Flight Attendants we are following their lead and taking a stand here today. We will come out on the right side of history and force Veilcorp to right their wrongs,” reads a statement released by activists.

Veilcorp spokeswoman Lisa Hunt responded in part, “Veilcorp has broken no laws, and we take environmental concerns very seriously. Whenever there is a giant leap in technology there will be a period of adjustment needed before employers and lawmakers catch up to the new reality. We are working hard with both to ensure a bright future for all. We disagree with many of the statements made by these radicals but agree that they will be remembered by history. Just like their 19th century forefathers, these 21st century luddites will be remembered for being too stuck in the past to move forward with the rest of civilization. We humbly suggest that the order of sky waitresses return their trays to a locked and upright position and step out of their tube of recycled ideas through the nearest emergency exit. They, along with their steam-drunk friends, have gone off the rails. Veil travel is here to stay. It’s fast, safe, and there’s no need for seat belt demonstrations. You just walk through into the future.”

STORYLINE

Inter Island Rail Project Put On Hold After VeilCorp Pulls Out

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Like many of you I was excited when I was approached about the idea of the inter-island rail system. Having a fast and affordable way to travel over and between Maui and Lanai seemed like a great plan. The traffic from VeilCorp employee’s alone would have paid for the project within 15 years according to our projections so I did not hesitate to push for the bond issue. There was even talk of expanding the line to cover all the islands. As we all now know the project has been put on hold weeks before it was set to make its first run and VeilCorp has left us holding the bag.

As your mayor I felt it was important that I explained to you what happened, what my office plans to do next, and how I plan on making VeilCorp accountable for their part in this fiasco.

Almost 4 years ago the idea for the rail system was brought up in a meeting we had with a VeilCorp development team. In addition to serving the needs of the local community and tourists, the system would be used by the employees working at the power plant and the veil station. It was agreed that we would come up with most of the capital and build the first lines here and one connecting to Lanai. VeilCorp agreed to give us all the revenue until the bond was paid off and a share going forward. Staffing and maintenance would be our responsibility with VeilCorp footing the energy bill.

Almost immediately the plan started going off track. The site VeilCorp wanted was the old Methodist church. There were numerous concerns about the environmental impact of building lines through the preservation zone and rumors about outside labor being brought in. I worked tirelessly to investigate the rumors and allay any fears about construction. Unfortunately some of those fears have turned out to be true despite my best efforts.

Now that Gateway technology has been made legal for commercial and travel purposes worldwide, VeilCorp says they are no longer interested in the rail project. They now plan on using the Gateway to transport their workforce through a number of veil stations, and not the train system. They have effectively cut out the majority of our customers and revenue. My office doesn’t see a way forward economically at this point and have ordered all operations halted immediately.

We are exploring all legal solutions and I filed formal complaints with all applicable federal agencies. All of these avenues will take years however, and many of you can’t afford to wait that long. We have been in contact with a number of organizations interested in purchasing the station, including a major biotech firm. We have also considered converting the building into government offices but I’m hesitant to sink more money into this project. In the short-term we will be converting the station into a community center and continue to investigate any and all options available to us.

I know that this is not the news that many of you wanted to hear but I’ve always strived to be open and honest with you even when the news is not good. Rest assured that we are working tirelessly to make the best of our current situation and my press office will be giving regular weekly updates. Thank you for your continued support and understanding.

STORYLINE

Reparre Biologic’s President Shawn Hastings Answers Your Questions

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A few weeks ago you had a chance to ask Shawn Hastings, President of Reparre Biologic, about the future of stem-cell therapy and personalized DNA medicine. Reparre has been in the news recently after they unveiled their prototype next-generation medical equipment. Their portable medical station and handheld injectors have huge implications for people in remote areas and the future of battlefield medicine. Below you’ll find his answers to your questions.

TerryH writes:How is the technology in the portable station different from the handheld injectors?

Shawn: The portable med station and the injectors work using the same technology. Both use our patented, personalized stem cells to address a wide variety of ailments. The real difference between the two is the number of patients and number of uses that each can treat. The injectors are for single use on one unique patient. After a small amount of blood is extracted the injector’s internal systems analyze the specific patient DNA and create a tailored therapy for that individual. Once the injector has been used up it can’t be refilled. They have been designed for emergency use. The portable stations work the same way but have multiple lines for multiple patients and can be used many times before needing to be recharged.

Burgerthyme writes:How long have you been testing these things on people? How long did the animal trials last?

Shawn: All of our devices are tested in ASTM & ISO accredited labs following all the rules and regulations under FDA oversight. It’s a long process. We started FDA supervised trials 5 years ago. Believe it or not that isn’t that long for a medical device. In fact we’ve been fast-tracked through much of the process because the regulators recognize how big of a step forward this technology is. We’re not completely through the process yet, but everything points to the final trials being over soon without any negative effects noted so far.

Pocketcommander writes:Does it concern you at all that your portable med station looks like a hookah? What would you say to children who think it looks cool and ruin their lives with drugs because of your poor design choices?

Shawn: To be honest we’ve focused more on function than the looks of our devices. It’s also missing a bowl so I’m not sure how accurate the comparison is. No, it doesn’t bother us at all. What would I say to the kids? I guess, stay in school so you don’t end up like Pocketcommander.

Brownbetty writes:Could this technology be used to bring back extinct animals like a mammoth or a rhinoceros?

Shawn: While I’m sure this technology would be able to heal injuries in these animals if you discovered a live one, without a way to gestate a baby it wouldn’t work. We’re in the medical business not the bringing back dinosaurs for an amusement park business. Besides, that plan never worked out well in those movies. It’s an interesting thought experiment though.

Howardthegoose writes:I’ve read about this technology being used to get rid of wrinkles and grey hair. Will getting medical help with one of your units also make you look younger?

Shawn: Yes, one of the more interesting side effects noted in our press release is this outward “rejuvenation” process. Preliminary tests show that this youth process might also extend to other tissue types and body systems but it’s too early to say for sure. But yes, subjects have found that lines, wrinkles, and fading hair color have all been reversed after being treated by our technology. It’s not a side effect that any of us had anticipated but it’s turned into a great problem to have.

Knighttime writes:What conditions can be fixed/healed with this technology? Can it fix things like heavy metal poisoning?

Shawn: The devices can be used to fix a wide variety of ailments from cuts and scrapes to damaged organs and bones. In addition, the technology allows the body to fight off diseases and cleanse itself of toxins at a rapid rate. In addition, as I’ve noted above it appears that there might also be effects on the aging process. I’m not saying that we’ve created the Fountain of Youth, but the implications are exciting. We also haven’t studied how effective the treatment would be for long-term ailments, like lead poisoning over a course of years. For recent exposures it appears to be very effective.

Grabbage writes:In addition to fixing bones and healing gashes, I’ve read that there is a possibility that new limbs or digits could be regrown using this technology. Is that true and does that extend to genitals? If so, could those missing genitals be grown back bigger? Asking for a friend.

Shawn: Thanks for your question Grabbage. It is true that we’ve had some early success with regenerating parts of fingers and toes, but a whole arm is still a bridge too far. I’m unaware of any specific study we’ve done on growing bigger penises, and I’m the guy who would know. The best advice I’d have for you, I mean your friend, is to work with what you have. Besides, I hear size isn’t important. I don’t personally hear that. I’ve just heard it said.

Braddick writes:How many people can be treated at a time with the med station? Could you theoretically make a huge one to treat hundreds at a time?

Shawn: Our current model can treat up to 6 patients at a time. Assuming the trials continue to go well we have plans to make units able to treat twice that amount. Our modeling shows that anything bigger starts to reduce the efficacy and efficiency of the device. Just think of how tangled the cords get behind your entertainment center. Now imagine that there are a hundred of them and each is treating a life threatening ailment. We feel strongly that smaller and simpler is better in this case.

Worktime writes:How long before this kind of technology gets cheap enough that your average local hospital has one of these?

Shawn: It’s going to be a while before you’re going to find one of our devices in a local med-center. I can’t see a practical use for our injectors right now other than a military one. Loading up emergency service crews with them isn’t going to be economically feasible. I imagine we are still 5-10 years out before a high end facility installs one. Once we’ve refined our manufacturing process and the public sees how fast and effective this technology is…..I can’t imagine that any health care facility wouldn’t have one in the near future.

BridgetT writes:Why have you accepted funding from Veilcorp? Is it true that all of your chemicals are provided by a subsidiary? Does their long history of political and environmental abuses concern you?

Shawn:
We’ve accepted funding from a number of sources, including Veilcorp. Frankly, I think you’d be hard pressed to find a new venture, especially one involving technology, that hasn’t taken some money from the company. Veilcorp is huge and a force in driving innovation. Do I agree with everything Oeming and company do? Of course not, but our experience to date has been nothing but positive. So far I’ve gotten the impression that their negative press is mostly due to their size and not any bad intentions.

Lancalittle writes:This seems like a giant step forward that could help billions ultimately. Why did you choose to involve the military and not seek out more altruistic funding avenues.

Shawn: In a perfect world man’s better nature would push innovation but we don’t live in a perfect world. To be clear I think the military is getting unfair attention in this regard. Our technology in no way hurts, maims, or kills anyone. In fact it does the opposite. If the military wants to come up with a way to heal the flesh and mend the bones of the brave men and women who give selflessly to their country so that they can live happy and productive lives; I think it’s great. I honestly don’t understand why so many people, especially in the media, want to put a negative spin on things. I guess it gets eyeballs, but I think the military should be lauded for their vision in helping to fund research in this area.

Turk writes:Taking into account how many this could help, have you considered just giving the technology away once you’ve recouped your funding? I’d imagine you’d go down in history.

Shawn: With all due respect, I’m sure we’ve already cemented our place in history. Our technology is amazing and will change the world. In the near future there will be no disease, wound, or pathology that can’t be effectively treated thanks to our breakthrough. Like I noted above we live in the real world, not an ideal one. We are a corporation not a charity. We have a fiduciary responsibility to our stockholders. Having said that, we are at the beginning of the change our technology will spur in mankind. I have every confidence that this science will lead to a better world for all.

STORYLINE

If You Want Warm Cookies In the Jungle This VeilCorp Spin-Off Has Some Good News

Reality Machine, a daughter company to VeilCorp, plans on using gateway technology to help supply people in remote locations of the globe. Their prototype machine combines 3d-printing technology with a small internal gateway able to transport small items, about the size of a loaf of bread. Lead designer Bill Stewart says the machine still has a way to go before it’s a feasible alternative to going to the store, but may soon become the best way to provide supplies to far-flung corners of the world. “You’re not going to see one in your neighbor’s home anytime soon, but it does provide some interesting opportunities for relief organizations or groups working in distant areas.“

pocketcommander 1 hour ago
“First!”
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raisedright 1 hour ago
“At ease pocketcommander. Thank you for your service.”
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buffalophil 55 mins ago
“Typical Veilcorp bullshit. Trying to poison the world with extra-dimensional food.”
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BridgetT 53 mins ago
“Oeming really is shameless.”

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Howardthegoose 50 mins ago
“Yeah, fuck him for trying to figure out a way to get clean food and water to people after a natural disaster!”
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TerryH 49 mins ago
“It’s amazing that they can fit a power source powerful enough in something the size of a refrigerator. It has to put out a ton of heat though.”
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StewartB 49 mins ago
“Thanks Terry, we’re excited about it too. I work at RM/VC. I can’t get into specifics but we’ve come up with a way to diffuse virtually all of the heat from the power source. Your computer probably gets hotter. The linked article does a good job of diving down into the technology a bit, and you can see pictures of all of us eating cookies sent through the gateway.”
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Burgerthyme 46 mins ago
“Sounds good but I wonder how reliable the printer is. I have a mid-grade system and it breaks down at least once a year. I’m guessing Veilcorp can afford a better model than I have.”
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StewartB 45 mins ago
“I don’t know much about your finances but it’s probably safe to assume that Uncle Oeming has deeper pockets than you Burger :-). The printer was a big issue for us though. We tried a number of vendors but had a lot of trouble finding one that was tough enough for our purposes. In the end we just built our own. It’s great. I’ve actually been pushing to put it on the market, but I’m just the design guy.”
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Braddick 45 mins ago
“How does it feel to be a tool of the most evil organization this world or any other has ever seen?”
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Grabbage 41 mins ago
“This automatic poisoning machine brought to you by the US government and Veilcorp. Coming soon to an enemy of the state near you.”
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Brownbetty 41 mins ago
“Sounds good but I worked for the OCHA and we had a hard time getting basic medical supplies because of funding issues. Notice how the article doesn’t mention a price? I find the claims that this is being made for relief organizations highly suspect. If the UN can’t afford to send enough bandages to an area there’s no way they could pay for a portable gateway.”
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StewartB 40 mins ago
“There’s no doubt that this isn’t monetarily feasible yet. I said so in the interview. It’s still in the prototype stage, but I don’t think we’re as far away as you think. Once we work out all the kinks and find out what works… I have no doubt you’ll be seeing one of our machines in the field within 18 months. I can assure you nothing more nefarious than sending hot apple pie to research stations in the arctic is going on here.”
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Grabbage 40 mins ago
“So you’ve built a billion dollar pie machine?”
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Howardthegoose 38 mins ago
“VeilCorp doesn’t have the best public image lately, just look at some of the comments. I don’t have an opinion one way or the other but it is kind of interesting to me that the first spin-off is making a really expensive machine for use in an area that is probably full of really poor people or a place where everyone has just lost everything. Do you really plan on selling these or is the plan for this to be Oeming’s pet charity project.”
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StewartB 37 mins ago
“We absolutely plan on these machines being an effective tools in areas hit by disasters. As I’ve pointed out, the costs are going to way down once we get this working smoothly. Once that happens the price becomes reasonable for a larger organization or a government. We sell some more and the price goes down again and you start seeing them other places….on and on. That’s how developing and selling new technology works. As far as Oeming goes, he’s already given so much to society that it wouldn’t surprise me if he worked something out for people in need at some point but that’s a bit above my paygrade. I will say that I’ve been impressed with him every time we’ve met and he seems like he really just wants to make the world better.”
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Grabbage 36 mins ago
“It’s a good thing you’re typing this and not talking because I’m not sure we could understand you with Oeming’s dick in your mouth.”
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Braddick 36 mins ago
“I’m pretty sure there’s some people in Iowa who would disagree with you. I mean the ones who haven’t died of the cancer that he gave them.”
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pocketcommander 35 mins ago
“Cancer is for fags!”
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buffalophil 33 mins ago
“This is really a new low for this place. What Veilvertisement can we expect tomorrow?”
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raisedright 33 mins ago
“Are you kidding? This is exactly the type of thing we cover here, what part of it seems paid to you? I think it’s great that Stewart is actually here answering questions.”
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buffalophil 32 mins ago
“How close is your cubicle to Stewart’s?”
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Pieman 30 mins ago
“What other kinds of pie do you want to send through the gateway?”
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Brownbetty 29 mins ago
“Have you asked for input from any of these organizations? A lot of really smart people work in these areas even though it’s not that glamorous. Not everyone thinks money is the most important thing. I’m sure these people could help you figure out possible problems that you don’t even know about yet.”
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StewartB 28 mins ago
“We’ve been working closely with a number of different organizations and did quite a bit of research before we started building. In fact I have a number of engineers on my team who put time in with various relief groups after college. They’ve all been valuable so far.”
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HarryG 25 mins ago
“How did you get started? What’s a pitch to Oeming like?”
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pocketcommander 25 mins ago
“I think Oeming only catches”
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Prissypants 22 mins ago
“Just a matter of time before the Seattle plant starts capturing and transporting Sasquatch soldiers to the Congo. Lets see how bad they want to keep fighting when a bunch of wildmen commandos start popping out of boxes.”
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bigboned 20 mins ago
“Any plans on using these to replace fast food workers? I’m sure a machine could do a better job at not fucking up my order than the meth-heads working by me.”
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Knighttime 19 mins ago
“It’s been hinted at here already but I’ll come out and ask you directly. Are you telling us that no military applications have been discussed? Is any part of your funding coming from the government?”
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StewartB 18 mins ago
“We’re a publicly traded company so all of our financials are public. VeilCorp of course has many government contracts and is our parent company but that doesn’t have anything to do with us. I guarantee you that there isn’t a room full of generals sitting around here telling us what to do. The military already has a robust system for moving ammo and supplies so I’m not sure what military use our vending machine size project would have.”
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Braddick 18 mins ago
“So it’s beyond your ability to imagine how easy it would be send send a small nuclear bomb anywhere in the world with this?”
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StewartB 17 mins ago
“I don’t think the military would has any trouble sending a nuclear bomb of any size, anywhere in the world, right now. They don’t need our help. I think your tinfoil hat might be making your head too warm you might want to switch to aluminum or something.”
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Worktime 15 mins ago
“Have you tried it out on anything alive yet? I’ve always wanted a pig vending machine.”
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StewartB 14 mins ago
“No we haven’t, but I like the way you think.”
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Lawren27 10 mins ago
“Oh, wonderful time of the day to enjoy sexy time! Fancy given hand or two with! this issue? Try these pills!”
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Lancalittle 8 mins ago
“How inspired by the aliens would you say is your design process?”
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Turbocharged 7 mins ago
“Have you tried sending anything back in time?”
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Brando15 5 mins ago
“There’s been a lot of talk here about sending things back and forth to places that are hard to get to but I think we’re all missing the point. Humans don’t want to move. Sure it starts with big things like this but before you know it nobody is getting out of their chairs. Why get up and go to the bathroom to brush your teeth when you can get transported there. Why bother picking up your toothbrush when it can be gated into your mouth. We won’t even have legs in a hundred generations at this point.”

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pocketcommander 5 mins ago
“I liked Brando14 better.”
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Turk 4 mins ago
“It wasn’t mentioned in the article, but how long have you been working on this project. Do you keep the old models anywhere special? I heard Oeming has a collection of all the older Veilcorp projects as they’ve progressed.”
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StewartB 3 mins ago
“I’ve been here since the start. That was almost 2 years ago so we’re making really good progress. We’ve done most of the designs with computer models and the frame of the machine is the original. So there isn’t really a collection of old machines, just a pile of parts that didn’t work or failed somehow. I’m not sure how cool or educational it would be to look at a pile of old motherboards and burnt out motors. I’m pretty sure Oeming said as much in an older interview. If I’d had a hand in as much stuff he has I’d probably want to keep it in a collection as well. Having said that, I haven’t seen it but would jump at the opportunity.”
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StewartB 1 min ago
“Looks like things are slowing down a bit. Time to get some work done. Keep the questions coming. I’ll answer as many as I can later.”
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STORYLINE

Testimony ends in Veilcorp Cube Theft Trial

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Testimony ended today in the case of 2 men accused of stealing the first object to be transported through the veil via gateway technology, a 1 kg tungsten cube. Those assembled in the King County Superior Court heard the last witness in the case this afternoon. Closing arguments and final jury instructions are set to begin in the morning.

For many, the cube’s journey on February 12, 2026 was one of those “I remember where I was” moments. News that a teleportation-like system had been created, a fixture in many sci-fi stories, swept the globe, and amazed the scientific community. The cube made around a dozen additional journeys over the next year, and was subjected to a number of tests before finding a home in Veilcorp’s Seattle facility.

The well-traveled tungsten had been on display to the public, with a handful of other items, in Seattle for years. Field trips to look at the cube were common for area school children, and it became one of the most popular tourist destinations in the city. An estimated 4 million people visited the cube in 2030. 2 of those people were 30-year-old Matt Broder and 27-year-old Jamie Tillson.

Broder and Tillson belong to a radical environmental group called, Gaia Guard. The group has a long history of conflict with a number of corporations, but have targeted Veilcorp in particular for several years. According to prosecutors, the popularity of the cube had caught the attention of the pair, and a plan to steal the cube was soon hatched. Officials allege that the men posed as cleaning crew and stole the cube the night of February 12, 2031, the 5th anniversary of its journey.

The incredible theft made headlines and began one of the strangest criminal investigations in history according to police. Investigators have testified over the past weeks that Broder and Tillson initially planned on ransoming the cube, but quickly decided to try and sell it instead. Tips began to come in almost immediately as the pair seemed shockingly open about their involvement in the crime. “At one point they listed the cube for sale on a social media site,” testified one investigator.

A sting operation was soon set up, with an undercover law enforcement official posing as a high-powered fence. Over the next 2 months, officials met with Broder and Tillson a number of times to discuss terms. Recordings of those meetings show that the pair seemed to be surprised at how much attention the theft was getting, and were unsure on exactly how much to ask for the cube. “They were completely out of their depth. I was, and still am amazed that they managed to steal the thing in the first place,” an agent told the court.

The tapes show a pair of men who were incredibly misinformed about the legal peril they were in, and the law itself. At the beginning of the second meeting, Broder told the agent that they wanted to be paid in trade instead of money so they “wouldn’t get in as much trouble as they would if they took cash and got caught.” The list of items the pair allegedly wanted in trade, a frozen yogurt machine in particular, has become the focus of a lot of attention in the media.

A luxury motorhome featuring slide-out rooms, quartz countertops, pearlized italian leather seats, and touch screen walls, valued at $2.5 million topped the list, but it was the pair’s love of frozen dessert that seemed to be their main focus. “We agreed to the small stuff and haggled over the motorhome for a while, but came to an agreement eventually. The biggest point of contentions was the yogurt machine. They really had their hearts set on getting this one specific model. It ended up working out really well for us. We told them that we were having a hard time getting the exact model they wanted, and used the delay to keep them talking. We learned a lot about their organization. I guess they were sick of sleeping in wet tents and really wanted frozen desserts.” testified an agent.

The Froyo Felons, as they’ve been dubbed by the press, didn’t dispute many facts during the case, but argue that they acted simply as middlemen for the cubes sale. They further claim that the State had not proven the value of the cube. Jury deliberation is not expected to take long, and a verdict is likely before the end of the week.

“We are eager to have the cube back in its proper place after the trial,” says Veilcorp spokeswoman Lisa Hunt. She adds,

“It’s a shame that these individuals were so easily sucked into believing Gaia Guard propaganda. We don’t think of the cube as ours. It belongs to the people, and to history. We are just acting as stewards. We promise to do a better job from now on at protecting all of the artifacts in our exhibits, we owe it to the public. I personally feel terrible that these two were led down such a dark path. I wonder how things might have been different for them had they come here earlier, and heard Dr. Oeming’s vision of the future instead of radical disinformation. Our snack bar offers 4 different flavors of frozen yogurt. I can only imagine how different things might have been for them had they visited our cafeteria.”

STORYLINE

Lahaina Officials Are Choosing Birds Over Children

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I am profoundly disappointed in the Division of Forestry and Wildlife for deciding to extend the boundaries of the preservation zone and the Lahaina school board for not standing up to the eco-bullies. The decision to limit school bus routes disturbs the early morning and afternoon routines of dozens of children and their families. It’s high time that school officials understand that it’s their job to safeguard children and not birds.

Our family moved to Lahaina 5 years ago for my wife’s work and so I could pursue my passion of wave counting. At that time, the bus stop was 3 houses down. I could wake up at 7:15 am and have my daughter fed, clothed, and off to the bus on time. This allowed me a couple hours of counting on the beach before lunch and then a few hours of counting on my boat before I had to be back.

Now, I have to get up almost 20 minutes earlier so we can walk to the closest stop. Worse still, it’s in the opposite direction from the beach. I remember when it was a school’s job to take care of your kids for at least 6.5 hours a day. Back then a parent got to enjoy a whole days worth of pursuing passions, not part of a day. I’m losing almost a whole hour every day and that is not fair to me, my children, or my interests! On a normal day I could count thousands of waves if I stayed awake, now that number is less.

If that wasn’t bad enough, our morning route now leads past Ano Lee’s maker commune. To say the least it’s disgusting. As soon as you get to the bottom of the hill the smell of stale cheese snacks, burnt wires, and regret punches you in the face. I make sure that I walk between my daughter and the main shed, so she doesn’t have to see their unkept faces lit up by their glow forks while they eat breakfast.

Like many others on the island I am no fan of Lee and his Ungroomables. If the Forestry department really wants to protect wildlife they’d pull the plug on all those 3d printers. I’m sure that no animal wants to come within a mile of of that racket and the purplish-blue glow of the the chachki hut seems to attract more bugs than hikers. If we’re not careful they’ll just keep printing buildings until the whole island turns into Gatlinburg.

I’m just as committed to conservation as the next guy. I always cut the plastic rings on my cans just in case they slip off the side of the boat. If I break a bottle on the beach, I draw a little box in the sand around the area to warn people because it’s the right thing to do. At some point the board is going have to stop letting the nature lovers dictate their policies and nurture its relationship with parents. It’s time for them to do what is right. It’s with a heavy heart and sore feet that I urge officials to work together to bring back the lost bus routes.

Sincerely,
John Driscol

STORYLINE

We should cut the ziplines and our losses

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Like many of you I was indifferent to the idea of running ziplines from the radio tower to key spots downtown. On one hand I thought it would reduce the number of lost ecotourists wandering through the neighborhood, on the other hand there were a bunch of meetings that my wife insisted we attend. I consider my time valuable so I was not looking forward to the meetings but figured that the nut who railed against the tower because it would increase swearing would show up and I’d get a laugh. But I’m not laughing now. After everything I’ve been through and seen, I’m beginning to think that the wacko had it right all along. The zipline experiment has failed and we need to take them down before it’s too late.

Like the local weirdo, my first concern is with language. I’m the kind of guy who tries really hard not to care about anything. Getting worked up about issues that you can’t change yourself is a drain. I try not to get too excited about things, but the amount of flying f*$ks given off by these zipliners is astounding. I would estimate that a f-bomb is dropped within earshot of my home every 15 minutes. I have impressionable children. If they are going to be exposed to that kind of language I want it to be from me, not some stranger flying through the sky above their home like a foul-mouthed Santa.

Next we have the safety issues. The company running the lines clearly doesn’t care about safety. From what I can tell, customers are often drunk when using their service. The lines have been up less than a month and we’ve already had 2 instances of people getting stuck. If I’m working on the car while trying to listen to the game, the last thing I need is a screaming tourist stuck 40 feet above my house. It’s not just terrified tourists going down the lines either. I’ve seen coolers, pets, and even a baby strapped into a car seat go flying through the air. At any given time the sky above my neighborhood looks like a cross between a Vegas acrobat show and a swap meet.

Even with all of those problems I thought I could abide the daily idiot air show. There was an incident last week that changed my mind however. I can tolerate bottles and wrappers falling like a filthy rain but not what landed on my car on my way home.

I am the proud owner of a Mustang Shelby GT350. Her name is Ivy. I love her. With 526 hp, 429 lb-ft of torque, and custom green paint, Ivy sets me apart from other men. I love my kids. I really do, but they aren’t remarkable in any way so far. They do alright in school but just alright. I’m probably going to have to pay for their college without any help from scholarships. Neither one is especially athletic or good looking so a job as a Manimal spokesperson is out the window. No, they’re just your run-of-the-mill ordinary kids and I’m OK with that. Ivy is different. When you have a car like that people know that you’re the kind of guy who’s willing to put time into something. Maintaining a car as special as Ivy this close to the ocean is hard work. All kids need is access to food and an occasional hug. Ivy is special and I’m very protective of her.

I was driving home along my normal route, being careful to avoid any debris in the road, just like I always do, when I noticed a zipliner coming my way. I could hear her screams over Ivy’s purr and her face was frozen in terror. Then I watched something drop and arc my way in the wind. I couldn’t figure out what it was at first. It hit the windshield and my mind scrambled to come up with a scenario that wasn’t so horrific, but I had to accept what just happened. The tourist was so scared that she lost control of her bodily functions, and now it was all over Ivy. By the time I got home my finger was numb from pressing the washer fluid button. It took 2 hours of meticulous washing and waxing before Ivy was no longer befouled but I’m not sure she’ll ever be clean again. I double bagged and threw away her wipers.

I want to believe that I’ll be able to look at her one day and not relive the incident, but it’s just too hard right now. I can’t unring that bell. She’s sat covered in the garage all week. I’ve been taking the bus to work. As long as those lines are still up I can’t chance it. Let’s take them down now before others have to feel the pain of having a stranger literally shit all over the thing they hold most dear.

Concerned Citizen,
Scott Stonegate

STORYLINE

Veilcorp Email Outlines the Effects of Gateway Travel On Animals

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from: Dr. Robert Coney

to: Eric Oeming
date: Fri, Aug 27, 2027 at 5:53 PM
subject: Subject R2137 “Brisby” Update

It has been a little over a month since we successfully used the gateway technology on Brisby, and the subsequent discovery of remarkable changes in the rat. She remains in good health with no physical detriments. Her weight and appetite remain normal as are her labs. Her cognitive and special changes are briefly outlined below:

Language: Brisby is capable of recognizing and correctly identifying objects and her favorite foods. She seems to understand tone and can follow simple verbal instructions. However syntax and other higher elements of language seem beyond her grasp so far. Her abilities can best be described as similar to those of a language-deprived child. It may be that we have missed a developmental window in Brisby, and this is the limit of her skills. It is just too early to say at this point.

Social Interactions: As I mentioned to you before, Brisby’s interactions with the other rats has changed. She seems able to communicate with them over a distance without physical contact or a line of sight. We have ruled out that these new interactions are pheromone or scent based. There is a marked increase in brain activity when these communications happen which has led us to hypothesize that what we are witnessing is a documented case of animal ESP.

Empathic Projection/Control: Related to her social interactions but remarkable enough to call out separately is Brisby’s ability to make other rats do her bidding. Whenever she is brought within close proximity to the other animals they move as close as possible to her and remain motionless. If they are moved away they return and resume this behavior. Occasionally these periods will be broken up with one-on-one play with Brisby or with the rat bringing a food item or toy to her. Further, when asked to make another rat move a certain distance away or complete a simple task, Brisby has been able to force the subject to comply without any visible interaction.

Accelerated Learning: Traveling through the gateway has greatly increased Brisby’s ability to learn. She has beaten all previous records in our standard maze, and seems to be able to learn new configurations in record time as well. In addition, an assistant discovered that she has an affinity for watching instructional videos. A how hatchery chickens are made video is her favorite. She asks to watch it every morning and multiple times in a day. However, after careful consideration and an increased interest in factory farming on her part, we’ve decided it best to remove all of the birds from the facility and restrict eggs from the lab. Technical videos seem to run a close second. She lacks the size and dexterity to complete most of the projects shown to her of course, but she was moderately successful at adding more memory to a lab computer after watching a tutorial. She can also successfully login to a work station she has been provided. As noted above we are keeping careful record of her search history.

At this point we will continue with the program as I’ve already laid out and keep you apprised of any new developments. It might be interesting to see if these abilities can be taught to others with her help or passed down to offspring.