STORYLINE

Kayaking Tourists Attacked While Trying To Film Otters

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Sea otters attacked a tourist and her family near Oneloa Bay early Saturday morning. The group were kayaking near the otters when the pod began to push the boats, jump out of the water, and attack the tourists. Witnesses say the otters managed to flip one of the kayaks in the horrifying attack. Several family members were treated for bites at the Lahaina Medical Center. Officials say such behavior in sea otters is almost unheard of. They are investigating the incident, and checking the otters for a possible rabies outbreak.

48-year-old Camilla Brandt says that she thought getting a few pictures of Oneloa Bay’s newly discovered sea otter pod would be a great way to cap off “the vacation of a lifetime.” However that dream soon became a nightmare, when her youngest son approached the pod with his phone out to take a picture. “It was like someone flipped a switch inside them,” says Brandt.

“Cody was so focused on getting himself in the frame that he didn’t see the big one flying through the water at him. It grabbed the front of the kayak, and almost knocked him over. The rest just started swarming. Tim and I paddled as fast as we could, but in a few seconds they were all over Cody and the kayak. Then they started jumping on our boats and trying to push us over too. I screamed when I saw Cody hit the water. Thankfully, some nearby fishermen saw the whole thing, and came to our rescue. If it wasn’t for them slapping the water, and the noise of their motor, I’m not sure we would have made it back alive. To top it off, as we were being pulled onboard, I saw one of the otters with Cody’s phone on its chest, smashing it with a rock. I don’t care what anyone says; they may look cute on TV, but these things are killers!”

The tourists were taken the Lahaina Medical center following the attack. Camilla and her husband were treated for minor contusions and lacerations, while their son Cody received over 30 stitches, and was held overnight for observation. As a precautionary measure, everyone received treatment for rabies.

Reports of conflicts between tourists and wildlife have been on the rise, particularly with the native Nene population. The State Bird has been the subject of numerous reported attacks this year. Back in February a couple claimed to have been “held hostage” by a group of Nene overnight. However, this is the first report of aggressive behavior in the otters. While he does recommend caution when dealing with any wild animal, Greg Iona of the Department of Land and Natural Rsources (DLNR) says that the otters are nothing to worry about. “We will be testing individuals for rabies, but at this point it appears laws about harassing the pod, and getting too close were broken, leading to the unfortunate incident,” Iona says.

“Such aggressive behavior in otters is almost unheard of, but all wild animals can be unpredictable, especially when they feel their young are in danger. Add that to the fact that this is a population of animals that is normally not found in this area. We don’t really know what “normal” behavior might be for the otters living in our waters. People forget that these are big animals too. A fully grown male sea otter can weigh almost 100 pounds, that’s about the size of a German Shepherd. Having said that, and despite the incident Saturday, we have no evidence that our otters are any more dangerous than normal. Right now all the witness statements are clear that despites warnings, and laws against harassing the animals, the Brandt’s were much too close. We believe something about the reflection from the phone, and the proximity to young triggered an aggressive response in the otters. We can’t say enough how important it is to give these wild animals the space they deserve.”

Local residents have mixed feelings about the attack. Some in the area say they will now keep young children from playing in the water, and will avoid Oneloa Bay altogether. Others put the blame on the tourists. One Lahaina resident however says that the real culprit in the incident is Cody’s phone, and the unrealistic view of reality that it fosters. “He may not appreciate it now, but the otter that smashed his phone did him a huge favor,” says author Kevin Morrow.

“I’ve been studying photographs on social media recently, and have been blown away by my findings. The days of simple landscape shots, and family portraits in front of a standard background are over. There is no end to the number of filters, manipulating tools, and animations a young person can add to photos now. With the press of a button they can add: beauty make-up, dog ears, stars, rainbows, or even other people and objects to their pictures. They can even digitally place themselves in other locations. They used to say that “seeing is believing” but what does a young mind do when virtually nothing they see is based in reality. It was hard enough for me to navigate my nephew’s hall of mirrors-like photo section. I can only imagine what it’s like for the average young teen growing up with pictures worth a thousand imaginary words. I believe we need to start regulating these dangerous photo filters before someone decides to get a close-up of a tiger shark to see what historical figure it looks most like. In my opinion, we’re sitting on a photo bomb ready to explode.”

STORYLINE

Sea Otter Pod Discovered In Oneloa Bay

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For months tourists and a handful of clam fishermen have reported sightings of mysterious animals around Oneloa Bay. Eyewitnesses described dog sized animals usually around dusk or dawn, playing in the surf and diving along reefs. These reports were officially chalked up to seal misidentification or overindulgence until a few days ago when the Department of Land and Natural Resources (DLNR) became involved. After a short investigation the mystery animals were identified, but their identity raises even more questions and has experts worried. It turns out that Maui now has its own pod of sea otters.

Rumors had been running rampant among believers on the island about what the animals may have been. Some said it was some sort of aquatic dog made in a Vereserum lab. Others worried that it was a pack of gigantic mongooses. There have been a number of concerns recently about the effect that Veilcorp’s Icarus project is having on weather patterns and living things near the Lahaina facility. The fact that there are sea otters living offshore seems almost as strange.

Normally found in the cool waters of the Northern Pacific, the wayward otters have experts scratching their heads. Greg Iona Senior Investigator for the DLNR says, “While people associate sea otters with colder waters, historically their range extended along the Baja Peninsula. The real question is how did they get so far out of their normal range?”

Iona says that it is possible that this small group of 7 otters simply followed, or got caught in, a changing current that led them all the way to the island. “It may sound strange but animals have been known to travel from island to island on floating debris all the time. Often these trips can cover very long distances. That’s our best guess as to what happened here. We have no evidence that someone brought the otters in and released them in the wild.”

However they arrived, the otters have many worried. For years Hawaii was the only coastal state without a bivalve fishery, but with the help of the University of Hawaii and The Center for Tropical and Subtropical Aquaculture (USDA-CTA), a burgeoning clam fishery has begun. Almost a million pounds of native clams were harvested last year thanks to aquafarming campaigns. Fishermen worry that the otters may devastate the clam stocks. They have their own ideas about who’s to blame for the otter incursion.

The fishermen say that Veilcorp’s massive urchin campaign is the problem and say that the reintroduction project should be put on hold before more otters show up. Alanai Kalipalani, a marine biologist and urchin researcher disagrees. She says that the urchins may keep the otters in the waters around Maui but it is highly unlikely that they brought them to the island. “We’re just too far away from their natural range for the urchins to be the element that brought them here. I agree with the DLNR’s assessment that they’re here because of a change in currents and food migration patterns. It’s happening more and more often actually. Back in 1985 a humpback whale they nicknamed Humphrey was spotted in San Francisco Bay. It was big news back then because it was one the first times we had proof that climate change was having an impact on the normal range of marine mammals. Now humpbacks are routinely spotted in New York’s East river and other river systems around the world chasing baitfish. This is the first time I’ve heard of wayward otters, but I think the same thing is happening here.”

Kalipalani says that the clam fishermen have a valid concern about the otters. “A sea otter eats about 30% of its weight in shellfish a day, and a big male can reach almost 100 pounds. That’s a lot of clams. However, they also really love eating urchins and we have plenty of those to go around. These animals couldn’t put a dent in Veilcorp’s restoration project. I don’t think people fully appreciate how many urchins the company puts in the water every month.”

For now the DLNR plans on letting the pod stay where they are and studying their behavior. They remind the public that even though they are far from home, the otters are still protected by the Endangered Species Act. Any harassment, capture, or killing of the otters is punishable by fines up to $50,000 and/or one year imprisonment. Iona says, “We encourage people to leave them alone. They appear to be content feasting on urchins and aren’t dangerous to people, pets, or sea birds. As long as you’re not a shellfish the otters aren’t interested. Besides the concerns about clam predation, the only issue I see going forward is what will happen when the geese hatch this winter. The NeNe can be very protective of their goslings and haven’t seen otters before, but the otters may have moved on by then. This pod seems to like to travel.”

STORYLINE

Tourists Claim They Were “Held Hostage” by Geese

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A vacationing couple is claiming that their dream vacation turned into a nightmare Monday evening after witnessing a vicious attack and being held hostage in a public restroom. This type of story has become all-too-common on the island lately, but this one comes with a twist. According to the tourists, the perpetrator wasn’t a masked man, or drug-crazed lunatic looking for their next fix, it was a goose. To be precise, a flock of geese.

28-year-old Bret Casey and his 27-year-old wife Spring claim that they were heading back to their hotel after a long walk down the beach when the incident occurred. The couple says they had spent the day exploring the beach and enjoying Lahaina’s nightlife before the evening took a bizarre and terrifying turn.

According to their report, the Casey’s were on the way home in the dark and become lost. Seeing a light in the distance, they walked up to get their bearings and came upon a chaotic scene. The couple claims that they witnessed a group of fellow tourists around a beach fire being attacked by a flock of geese.

Bret’s statement reads in part:

“They were all running around and screaming but I didn’t think it was that serious until the birds knocked a guy down and I saw blood. I tried to help him up but they had hold of him and were dragging him towards the water. Then they started attacking me. I couldn’t believe how strong they were. They almost knocked me down a couple of times and I got really scared for Spring. I grabbed her arm and we ran for the public restrooms we had passed just a few minutes before. We kept hearing the shouts and screams inside so I decided to go back and see if I could help.”

While the couple’s story seems hard to believe, their official statements are as consistent as they are extraordinary. The narrative continues with Mrs. Casey reporting.

“They were all over one of them when Bret went back outside. He tried to help but there was too many of them and he ran back into the building….You could hear the geese walking on the roof and fighting…I’m not sure how long we waited but we didn’t see any of them after a while so Bret went to check to see if it was clear, but they had just been waiting for us. They were biting and hitting him with their wings so he ran back before they knocked him down too…This went on all night. We tried escaping a couple times but they wouldn’t leave. Then, a few hours after the sun came up we saw someone parasailing and they took off…There must have been 20-30 of them that flew after the boat. We ran back down the beach until we found help and called the police.”

The couple was taken to a local hospital where Bret was treated for multiple cuts and contusions. Officials say they found no evidence of the kind of attack reported, and point out that a group of missing tourists would have surely been reported by now. However, they do confirm that the area did contain numerous feathers and nene tracks. The police say they can’t comment on specific open cases, but are investigating the claims and waiting for the results of a drug screen. No charges have been filed at this point. An anonymous source familiar with the case says, “The story is obviously hard to believe. Something might have attacked the guy, but at this point, we’re confident that something is going to turn out to be gravity and overindulgence. We’ve had a big increase in aggressive animal complaints since Veilcorp expanded their 127 production, but I haven’t heard anything about killer geese before. We’ll know more once the Department of Land and Natural Resources completes their report and the spot of blood we found at the scene is processed.”

While reports of animal attacks, in general, have gone up in the past year, there have only been a handful of reports involving the nene. Greg Iona, Senior Investigator for the Department of Land and Natural Resources, says that a flock of homicidal geese is absurd. Iona points out that the native nene is too small and lacks the physical characteristics to be a serious danger. Instead, he agrees with the police and suggests that the couple most likely had a few too many drinks and wandered into a nesting area. “I’m sure once the reports are all in we’ll find that what we have here is a drunk couple who stumbled into an area with some protective mother birds. Geese have long been known to have one of nature’s worst tempers. They’re one of the few animals that I’ve studied that I believe can feel and express hate. The world would be a much different place if geese were just a bit bigger, or had claws or teeth. Luckily for us, and the 4 million people who visit Maui each year, they don’t.”

STORYLINE

Veilcorp activity may be producing changes in native flora and fauna

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Since its inception there have been numerous accusations about the effects of the veil station in Lahaina on the surrounding plants and animals .Numerous internal investigations as well as EPA studies over the last 18 years have failed to offer any definitive proof that the company, or its veiling technology have had any impact on the region’s wildlife. However, with the success of the Icarus mission, 127 (Unbiseptium) has now been found in alarming levels virtually everywhere as the company stockpiles the power source. This has led to a marked increase in complaints and calls for investigation. As the Senior Investigator for the Department of Land and Natural Resources it is my job to collect all available data, conduct a preliminary investigation, and make a recommendation to the governor’s office. The following is that report.

First, I’d like to emphasise that my team and I did not investigate every claim that has been submitted to The Division of Forestry and Wildlife. The time required to do so with my limited staff would have been prohibitive. Instead, we focused on the most common complaints and the specific concerns of the governor.

We could find no specific evidence that the marked increase in a number of invasive plant species, (woodrose, smokebush, pampas grass, among others), was due to Veilcorp activity, or increased exposure to 127. There is no doubt that these species are pushing out native plants, but the increase in visitors to the island who might accidentally carry seed on their clothing, coupled with these plants popularity as landscaping cover, can account for the increase. We did however find a considerable drop in nitrogen levels in the soil around the island. If that is part of a larger natural process or the result of 127 killing off nitrogen-fixing bacteria needs to be studied further as it may be impacting plant life. More on this later in the report.

In addition, human interactions and normal sylvatic cycles can not be ruled out in regards to the higher than normal rates of disease reported in plants and animals. Again, I suggest that officials begin a more thorough investigation. I will also point out at this time that Veilcorp has been less than forthcoming with their own impact studies to my investigators. We have also ran into a number of roadblocks at the local level with officials expressing concern about the investigation’s effect on tourism. Let me assure you that any temporary economic impact that might result from this investigation would pale in comparison to that which would occur should the next Ebola have its origin in Lahaina, and we try to hide it.

We were also unable to verify that a variety of stinkhorn mushroom has become parasitic and has been infecting the deer and boar populations. The sample mushrooms provided by the hunters from Hahai ranch have proved unremarkable. Even though we weren’t able to find an infected animal in our survey, we should remain vigilant and continue to work to find an infected specimen. The hunters know these animals better than most. We should take their reports seriously.

There were a couple of claims that we were able to verify nonetheless, including the alarming reports from the biologists studying the nene. The Hawaiian goose population on the island has become hyper-aggressive and has started to show signs of physical transformations since the Icarus project. The average nene is now 20% larger and carries more robust tomia (the teeth-like structures that line the bill). We have been able to verify a number of attack reports, including an incident where a group tried to separate a child from his family at a park, and the hunting and consumption of small mammals, especially mongooses. Our team experienced attacks themselves while working in a cliff area. A flock tried to drive team members off a high path in a manner reminiscent of large birds of prey pushing food animals to their death.

In addition, a species of native hibiscus, hibiscus waimeae, has become so toxic that it is killing off many of its usual pollinators, including hummingbirds. Some team members theorize that this might be a response to the soil becoming so nitrogen poor. They think the hibiscus is trying to supplement this deficiency with birds in a manner similar to carnivorous flora such as the pitcher plant and venus flytrap. It’s a reasonable hypothesis but to see such a transformation in such a short period of time is unprecedented. Additionally, the new toxin seems to have an intoxicating effect on larger animals. The mongoose population often eats the poisoned birds which makes them slow to react to danger, leaving them particularly vulnerable to nene predation. The word has spread quickly among the local people and incidents of hibiscus intoxication are now common. While we were conducting our investigation there was a bust at the local maker commune after it was discovered that some individuals were selling dried flowers, and had brewed a large quantity of “Tree Tea” to sell to tourists.

While we simply didn’t have the time required to do a proper scientific investigation of many of the environmental claims made since the increase in 127 exposure, there is no doubt something is happening. The physical and behavioral changes in the hibiscus and our state bird are unparalleled, and defy everything we think we know about natural processes. The fact that Veilcorp scientists don’t seem concerned, and have been slow to cooperate is all the more troubling. In my opinion, there can be no doubt that the increase in Unbiseptium has had major impact on all living things. Who knows what it is doing to people? We should act immediately while our ducks still look, swim, and quack like ducks.

STORYLINE

Man With Goose Phobia Calls Food Delivery Service For Help Scaring Away Birds

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A Lahaina area man with a severe phobia of geese found himself face to face with his worst fear Saturday night, when a group of nene surrounded his home just before dusk. After calling for help from his neighbors, the police, and animal control, to no avail, 48-year-old Kevin Morrow devised an unorthodox solution to his problem. He ordered a meal from the popular Hailoha-Eats delivery service, and asked the delivery driver to scare off the offending birds.

According to Morrow it was an ordinary Saturday evening. He was busy working on his latest book, outlining the danger food carts present to traditional family dinner rituals, when his dog Howie began to bark uncontrollably. Looking out the window, Kevin’s worst nightmare came true when he saw his yard was filled with nene.

Suffering from an acute fear of the state bird, he tried calling his neighbors for help, but they didn’t answer the phone. He next tried the police, but was told that they didn’t handle goose removal, and he should try animal control if they were still in the yard in the morning. Desperate for help, it was then that Morrow spotted the Hailoha-Eats flyer.

“I have more than a few phobias,” says Morrow “I suffer from: meleagrisphobia, the fear of turkeys, alektorophobia, the fear of chickens, and anatidaephobia, the fear of geese. Actually, I find most birds and many social situations to be daunting at the very least. It’s the geese that’s the worst though. There’s just something terrible in the way they walk and sound. They’re so aggressive! To be honest, I wasn’t surprised that I didn’t get any support from my neighbors. I’ve learned that they have little interest in hearing my opinions about their duty to mow the sections of my lawn that their kids play on, let alone scare off dozens of geese there. However, the fact that the police refused to help was very disappointing. When I learned I’d have to wait until morning to call animal control, I could feel myself beginning to spiral into a full blown panic attack. It was then the Hailoha-Eats pamphlet caught my eye. I use the service often, and knew that every order has a “Special Instructions” section. I made the call, turned off the lights so the geese couldn’t see me with their demonic-beady-little-eyes, and waited for help.”

Within minutes delivery driver Mark Me’e pulled into Morrow’s driveway, only to find a dark house. “The order came with a request that read ‘Help with birds,’” says Me’e. “Since it was Peking duck with extra crepes, and a side of foie gras, I thought maybe it was someone who needed help dishing out the food or something. But when I turned on my brights to make sure I had the right address, I saw what it really meant. There were dozens of geese on top of the house, and a bunch more came walking up from the side yard. I half expected Tippi Hedren to appear. None of them were making any noise. They were just looking at me. It was one of the creepiest things that I’ve ever seen.

I honked the horn to scare them away but they all squawked back at me, almost in unison. Honk. Squawk. Honk. Squawk. I rolled down the window to shout at them, and it was then that I noticed that I didn’t hear any bugs or other animals. It was completely silent. I called the customer contact number, and after going to voicemail a few times, Kevin answered. I asked what was going on; he explained his phobia, and said he was pretty sure they would hurt him if he went outside. He begged me to help scare them away, and I said I’d do my best.

They weren’t acting like normal nene. When I opened the door, a bunch of them put their heads low, and made a straight line towards me. It freaked me out so much that I got back in the car, and called Kevin again. I told him that I just drive people around, and deliver food, wrangling disturbing geese was above my paygrade. He sounded so scared though, that I couldn’t just leave him in there. I remembered that I had some emergency flares in the trunk, and told Kevin that I’d need him to draw the bird’s attention so I could get to them. He turned on the lights inside, and all the geese ran to the windows. I popped the trunk and ran to get the flares. I could see some of them turn back to me as I sprinted around the car. I grabbed the flares, lit a couple, and began throwing them in the yard while screaming at the top of my lungs. I can only imagine what it must have looked like to anyone driving past, but it worked. They flew off together, and I gave Kevin his food and a big hug. It’s a delivery I’ll never forget.”

Unusual animal encounters are on the rise in Lahaina, and this incident has many guessing what may have caused the strange behavior in the usually shy geese. Some say it is shifting climate patterns forcing the birds to seek out food in new places, while others place the blame firmly on Veilcorp, their travel technology, and their solar 127 harvesting program. The Department of Land and Natural Resources is expected to release the findings of their investigation into the issue later this year.

Whatever the outcome of the DLNR’s investigation, Morrow says he can’t thank Mark enough, and just wishes he could reward him more for his actions.

“There aren’t a lot of people who would have done what Mark did. I believe he saved Howie and I that evening. That’s why it was so hard to only rate him 3 out of 5 stars and reduce his tip. There’s no doubting his bravery, but at the end of the day he is a food delivery driver, and I was forced to judge him on that criteria. By the time he scared the geese away my crepes had become soggy, and he forgot my extra cucumbers and sauce. To be honest, 3 stars was probably a little too generous. I wish his company offered some sort of personal rating system, but until they do, I have to follow their guidelines. As a person, I can’t say enough nice things about Mark Me’e, but as a delivery driver, he’s a bit wanting.”

STORYLINE

Leaked Email Exposes Gruesome Tests and Dangers of Veiled Food

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from: Harold Breen
to: Dr. Robert Coney
date: Mon, Jan 05, 2037 at 10:53 AM
subject: FDA Approval and Taste Tests

We have ran into a potential stumbling block with our FDA approval. I just wanted to touch base with you to discuss the situation and let you know how I think we should handle it.

As I’m sure you know we are on the verge of securing FDA approval to veil foodstuffs. We’ve completed all the necessary testing and have passed the first round of inspections. Most of the paperwork is done and we are just adding supplemental reports currently. We have shown that consumables can be safely transported through the veil with no adverse effects. As expected, veiled food is completely indistinguishable from food that has not been transported, at least as far as anything the FDA is concerned with goes. The question we have been trying to answer, and the point of this email, is whether or not it tastes different.

The issue came up when the Japan External Trade Organization (JETRO) expressed concerns that any live animals might be tainted during the travel process, and had some reservations about transporting fish and poultry in particular. To allay their concerns, we assembled a taste testing panel of culinary experts and fed them veiled items and non-veiled items. That’s where we ran into some trouble. We aren’t exactly sure what is going on but about 25% of the tasters could note a difference between an animal that was transported while living, and one that was not.

Our experiments showed that this unexpected side effect was true of fish and many types of fowl but most pronounced in geese. Almost a third of our experts could accurately determine if a goose had been veiled alive before it was prepared. To rule out differences in flavor between individuals, we began to remove a single wing before transmission and then the remaining wing after the animal completed its journey. The results ended up being the same. The wings of living geese tasted different after they had gone through the veil. It is important to note that the experts didn’t say that they flavor was bad, just different. One expert said of the wing plates, “This is really grisly but delicious.”

The same turned out to be true of legs and thighs. Despite our best efforts and some remarkable medical interventions, we were unable to keep a goose alive long enough after removing testable portions of the breast. Nonetheless, we have no reason to believe that the outcome would have been any different. We experimented with a number of sauces and rubs with no measurable change. We briefly discussed the possibility that the cooking process might have something to do with the issue and began to explore ways we could eat portions straight off the bird. At this point in the experiments some of our tasters became noticeably upset and voiced concerns about the well-being of the animals being prepared for them. Feeling that we had already collected enough data and not wanting to ruffle any more feathers, we thanked them for their time and ended for the day.

We aren’t sure what could be causing the issue but it appears that living tissue is absorbing some substance during the travel process that non-living tissue does not. Our best guess is that those able to taste a difference have an increase in fungiform papilae, making them what is commonly known as a “super taster.” These individuals are much more sensitive to flavors and represent about 25% of the population, a number that correlates to our findings. We plan on starting a new round of tests to determine if marinade baths or the removal of feathers prior to transmission will fix the issue.

The good news is that the FDA doesn’t oversee how a food tastes, only it’s safety. As far as we know, whatever is going on with the living animals is not going on with any other foodstuffs. If we’re careful about our claims and keep these findings quiet until we know more, we should still hit our goals on the current timeline. I’ve already verified that all of our testers signed their NDA’s. Hopefully our parts and pieces platters didn’t leave a bad taste in their mouths and they’ll honor their agreements. I’m sure whatever is going on isn’t anything serious and we’ll figure it out soon.

STORYLINE

Update on the incident at Pine Bridge

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Good morning Dr. Oeming. As I’m sure you’ve already been informed, we had a possible security concern when some of the escaped R2137 or “Brisby” rats were discovered in the small town of Pine Bridge, Georgia. I’ve just completed a tour of the facility in which they had been living, recovered our animals and have left personnel to tie up any loose ends. Before I go more in depth, let me allay any concerns you may have about the incident. I am sure that I recovered all our assets (including some new pups), and I am confident we won’t be hearing anymore about the matter.

After the robbery of our Seattle facility and theft of some of the R2137 animals last Fall, you’ll remember that the decision was made to move all the rats from that lab to other, more secure locations. The process went as planned except for a group that was veiled to our Atlanta location. At some point in the move approximately 8 individuals escaped their boxes. An intense sweep of the building and the grounds yielded nothing and an alert was put out to our government partners to monitor the area. After continued searches of the facility found nothing, and no reports about large white rats acting strangely came from surrounding areas, we assumed they had fled outside and fell victim to natural predators. It appears that was an incorrect assumption.

Within a month the town of Pine Bridge, about 30 miles North of Atlanta, began to experience a rash of chicken disappearances. While it’s not unusual for a number of animals to prey on chickens, there was none of the usual signs of predation. They were simply vanishing. Despite the lack of blood, bodies, or feathers, the local Wildlife Resource Division took measures to cull the surrounding coyote population, thinking they were responsible. Even though they took in very few animals, the disappearances soon stopped and not much more was thought of it. None of the reports mentioned anything about rats and since chickens are taken all the time, it didn’t tip off any government monitoring software.

Then neighbors around the recently closed Murphy Poultry Farm began to call officials about strange noises coming from the property. Eventually the police responded when they received a call that the processing plant had started up one night. The responding officer drove up to the building but after a thorough search didn’t find any suspects. What he did find was over a hundred chickens and a number of large white rats. It was his call into the station that night that caught the attention of our partners and triggered the alert to us.

I was in Pine Bridge that following morning and began my tour of the facility around noon. The locals were told that the farm was being used by wanted Gaia Guard terrorists to hold stolen lab animals. They seemed happy with that explanation.

What I saw was truly amazing. In only a few months and without any tools, the rats had gathered enough chickens to start operations again. They even picked up a small gaggle of geese from somewhere. They had reconnected the water and electricity. Even the recycling and automated disposal systems were online, and most of the processing machinery was operational again.

I could see that a large female recognized me and was eager to show off what they had done. Not having enough feed for all the fowl, the rats would take turns herding groups of chickens into the vast fields outside so they could forage for food. I spent an hour watching groups of rats take turns escorting their wards to various foraging areas and keep watch over them like sheep dogs tending a flock.

I’m not an expert in animal husbandry or the raising of chickens, but to be honest, some of their innovations were remarkable. They made some improvements to the water recycling system to better accommodate the geese. I don’t fully understand it all but my guide seemed very insistent that I take copious notes. Her whiskers were a frenzy of excitement when we got to the chick sorting area. They had fully automated the process by chewing differently sized holes through the table screen. To be honest, it’s the most well run and efficient free range operation I’ve ever seen. If they were provided with the proper support, or were human, the business would be a huge success.

Of course after the tour we shut everything down, caged the rats, and disposed of the fowl. The responding officer doesn’t seem to know what he saw. Even if he did know the truth, I don’t think anyone would believe him. However, just to be careful, I’ve asked that his and all the communications from everyone in his station be monitored for the next several months. I honestly don’t think we have anything to worry about here.

I’m going to bring this bunch back to Lahaina with me just so there is no further trouble or mix ups. I think we might have to consider starting a little farm ourselves here. I’ve never seen the rats so happy.