STORYLINE

Lahaina’s Biggest Food Delivery App Accused of Eavesdropping on Users’ Conversations

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Over the past year, it has become Maui’s most popular food delivery service, but now Lahaina based Hailoha-Eats is coming under fire from privacy advocates and concerned citizens alike. The company is accused of using its app to listen in on users’ conversations, even when they aren’t ordering anything. The company strongly denies the allegations, but Maui officials say they are looking into the complaints.

Whether you carefully go through every information sharing feature on your social media sites or you’re the kind of person who broadcasts everything openly from your ceremplant, there’s no doubt that privacy has become a big issue in our daily lives. Targeted marketing campaigns and personalized ads have become big business. While most of us expect to have our internet activities tracked in some way, that expectation does not cross over into real life. However, a concerning number of customers now report that is exactly what Hailoha-Eats is doing.

According to the results of a month-long investigation by privacy experts, the company has been “monitoring user conversations and using speech recognition tools to recommend certain foods and products from Veilcorp partners…..even when the app was not in use.”

The report goes on to say, “A user complained to Hailoha-Eats late last year that after she mentioned to a colleague that she was having SSHAM casserole for lunch, she was immediately hit with advertisements for SSHAM on all her social media sites. Similarly, a user based in Lahaina supposedly asked a Hailoha driver about their favorite surfing spots during a ride, and received numerous emails about surf shops only minutes later…… While most customers have complained about the app itself, there have been several stories linking the company’s eavesdropping to Hailoha vehicles as well.”

Hailoha says the allegations are without merit and the result of competing delivery services trying to take advantage of recent privacy concerns involving Veilcorp and their controversial drone program. Numerous Hailoha drivers have pushed back against the allegations that the company is recording customer conversations. One, in particular, says he finds the report and the accusations offensive.

Mark Me’e says, “I take the covenant of passenger and driver very seriously and would never do anything to break it. With so much of our lives connected online, or captured on video, there aren’t many places you can count on privacy or people you can talk to freely. Priests, lawyers, bartenders, and ride service drivers, these are the last stewards of free expression and privacy. If my customers didn’t think my car was a safe place to complain about their boss, spouse, friends or family, I’d stop driving. I consider all the conversations in my car sacred. What you say in Mark’s car, stays in Mark’s car. If I thought that any of these accusations were true, I’d drive away from Hailoha and not look back.”

While the report does not definitively conclude that Hailoha vehicles are listening in on conversations, it offers much evidence that the app is doing exactly that. One customer’s experience in particular highlights how dangerous this practice could be if proven true.

Randy Wilcox says he and some friends had just ordered some food and were busy playing a video game when things took a dangerous turn.

“There’s nothing better than potstickers when you’re playing Run Amok V with your friends. They stay good forever and don’t get in the way when you’re mashing buttons and going on a rampage. I had just ordered a couple of platters before discussing with the crew if we should rob the bank first, or go down to the waterfront to take out some tourists and collect some collateral bonuses. We decided to bloody the beach first and had just spotted the volleyball nets in the distance when all hell broke loose.

The apartment door was kicked in, followed by an explosion. Before any of us could figure out what was going on, tear gas began to fill the room and Ricky took a bean bag round to the face. We were all choking and drooling when the police threw us on the floor at gunpoint, screaming about where our weapons were. They said they had information that we were planning a terror attack on the beach. There’s no way a neighbor overheard us because I had the game room sound-proofed months before because of their complaints. It had to be the app. While I usually live for intense experiences, this one sucked! Poor Ricky still can’t see out of his left eye and the flashbang burned the carpet pretty good. From now on I’m not saying anything near my phone. It’s nothing but texting for me.”

STORYLINE

Your Food Delivery Service Is Pretty Awesome!

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Hello business dudes and dudettes. I thought I’d take a moment to share just how awesome your Hailoha Eats service is. It’s changed the way I eat. I mean not the way I physically eat; I still do it with my mouth and stuff. I mean the way I look forward to my meals everyday. I’m an artist, but I never thought of food as art before. You’ve really opened my eyes. Nothing is perfect though, so I’d like to suggest a few improvements along with my praise.

When I saw the flyer about Hailoha partnering with Veilcorp to make a pilot food delivery service I was confused as to how they’d get the food up there to them. Then my buddy explained that in this case pilot meant like a one time thing to see if it worked and had nothing to do with flying. That made a lot more sense so I thought we’d give it a try.

One of the things I liked right away was that it was a 24/7 kind of thing. That fit perfectly with my lifestyle. I’m currently taking a break from the rat race that was art school and spending some much needed recharge time at my mom’s beach house. I spend a lot of time relaxing with my friends and just trying to be chill. This really messes up my eating schedule. It’s hard to find a place that serves breakfast when you don’t get up until noon. Sometimes we chill so hard that we forget to eat until our bellies are rumbling at 3am or something, and before your service we’d just have to stay awake until the sun came up and the cafe’s opened.

I won’t lie, I was a little shocked at the prices but I get a pretty good chunk of change from my trust fund every 3 months so I can afford it. I’m not saying that it’s too expensive, I guess. All the food is Veiled over to the island from across the world so I guess that takes a lot of organization and working together. I hate having to go down to the store with everyone’s drink order so I can’t imagine what a hassle working with thousands of restaurants across the world is.

At first we played this game where we’d pick a 3 course meal at random. I’d spin the globe in the study, close my eyes and stop it with a finger until we had places to order from. We ate a lot of weird stuff that way, but we also got to try things we normally wouldn’t. It was kinda fun but then we hit gold with the holy trinity of food. Nothing, I repeat nothing finishes a hard day of hanging out like a savory Moroccan pigeon tagine, followed with some chili crab from Singapore for heat, and some sweet Argentinian dulce de leche empanadas. We’ve had it every night for almost 2 weeks now. There’s no way anyone could complain in good conscience about prices after experiencing that meal. It’s like having the gods of flavor dance on your tongue.

I didn’t think it would be at first, but being able to pick your delivery driver has turned into a huge plus for me. The first guy that showed up was late and left his brights on when he came to the door which is a huge foul. Cold food and blinding light was not how I wanted my night to wrap up. Then we had a lady that just wanted to talk about everything. She wanted to know where we were from and all kinds of stuff. Greg got freaked out and ran into his room. It took about an hour for all the tension to leave after she did. Then we got Mark. That dude was born to deliver food. He calls to confirm when he is on his way so nobody who forgot we ordered food is surprised. He turns off the lights before he turns into the driveway, it’s like he thinks of everything. He even leaves a handful of peppermint candies with every order. Mark is a huge part of why we use your service every day.

The onsite cameras are a mixed bag for me. At first I appreciated the monotony of watching people prep and make food during the middle of the night. Having something I could zone out on was cool and especially useful if I’d been partying too hard. The problem was that we’d occasionally see stuff that wasn’t so appetizing. It turned out that the overnight guy at our favorite pizza shop had a itch he couldn’t seem to scratch no matter how hard he tried, and man did he try. He scratched himself often and everywhere. The pies just didn’t taste the same after we saw how they were made. We also had a custom cake place we used to get dessert from all the time until we saw that the head baker liked to keep his hands warm inside his assistants pants. They’d go at it on the prep tables making adultery angels in the piles of flour. When we saw that they’d still use the flour, we stopped ordering pastries. I filled out all the proper complaint forms of course, but I guess I’m just the kind of guy who believes ignorance is bliss.

So there it is. Maybe have a no camera option so people don’t get caught going down that rabbit hole and more Mark. Leave everything else the same. Feel free to pass my feedback on down the line. If you’re ever looking for someone to do like testimonials or be a spokesperson or something hit me up. I’m pretty articulate and a good looking dude who could use a side gig that doesn’t take too long. My chili crab bill is starting to get crazy.

Very satisfied customer,
Jake Tripper

STORYLINE

Chop House’s Customer Assistant AI a Hit With Tourists

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It seems like every business is using AI for customer interactions these days, from the SSHAM customer service hotline, to the automated city hall kiosks, if you need help, chances are you’ll talk to a machine. Now, one recently released AI assistant, from an unlikely business, is stirring things up in Lahaina. I am speaking of course of CRAIG, the Abramo Chop House’s customer appreciation helper. The AI has become a huge success with tourists, and a thorn in the side of many local business owners.

The Customer Resource Artificial Intelligent Guide (CRAIG) app has only been available a few weeks, but has already become hugely popular, particularly with tourists lucky enough to get a reservation at the Abramo Chop House. Accessible only to customers of the restaurant, CRAIG acts as a tour guide and concierge, booking appointments, giving directions and answering questions about Lahaina. However, it’s the way that CRAIG helps, and the AI’s attitude that has many area business owners upset.

“With over 30 years of experience as a business owner, and a seat on the Lahaina City Council, nobody knows Lahaina like Bob Abramo. Nobody until now,” says Brandi Essen, Operations Manager of Abramo Holdings LLC. “CRAIG uses all of Bob’s knowledge of the area to: help answer any questions you have, book tours and shows, and act as a guide to West Maui. Our customer service doesn’t end when you leave one of our tables. We want to help our most loyal customers with day to day tasks, and make sure you have a great time if you’re visiting the island. Using CRAIG is like having a personal hotline to Bob Abramo himself, that is open 24/7 for whatever you need.”

While Ms. Essen and tourists may sing the praises of CRAIG, many local business owners have had a different experience. Many complain that communicating with the AI is an extremely unpleasant experience, and that CRAIG focuses on Abramo businesses and Abramo business partners, almost to the exclusion of all others. Ralph Umeke, owner of the popular Hula Noodle restaurant says, “The damn thing is almost as rude as its bloated creator. It’s to the point where I’ve started to screen tourists for the app, and kick out the ones who have it. I won’t allow that kind of negativity in the shop while people are trying to enjoy their food.”

Several other business owners, who wished to remain anonymous, share a similar view of CRAIG. They say that the AI is overbearing and condescending in its communications, and often lies about the price of merchandise, and operating hours of companies not associated with Mr. Abramo. Numerous complaints have been filed with the Better Business Bureau, and the mayor’s office, but CRAIG opponents say they are not hopeful that anything will change soon.

Leading up to this story, I had my own personal experience when the AI called to “talk over some concerns” it had about me, and this report. CRAIG had compiled a list of every story I had written that had clarifications or corrections, and grilled me about whether or not “the news thing” was really right for me. It had gone through all my social networks, and asked if I was a vegetarian, informing me that it didn’t talk to anyone with “radical or misinformed nutritional beliefs.” In addition, Craig advised me that I shouldn’t wear so many green garments in public, because “green is a terrible color” for a woman of my “age and complexion”.

While it may not be the favorite of the Lahaina business community, and I found the AI to be impolite at the very least, there is no doubt that it has been a hit with tourists. Bret and Spring Casey say they first visited Lahaina last Fall, and had a good time, but this year’s visit has been great thanks to CRAIG. According to Spring,

“CRAIG has been amazing. He told us the location of the nearest public Manimal ATV, and reserved it for us after we were exhausted from a long walk in the preservation zone. It got us upgraded to Splash Row at the Aloha Shores Dolphin Show at no charge, and threatened the kid working the concession booth, after he “accidentally” gave me back the wrong change. We almost called for a Hailoha when we got up the next morning, until CRAIG told us how dangerous they can be, and how poorly vetted their drivers are. CRAIG got so mad when I asked about taking a horseback tour to see the island, that I almost had to shut off the app. Luckily, we took his advice, and booked an afternoon with the Lahaina Zipline Tours instead, narrowly avoiding disaster. I can’t begin to tell you how great CRAIG made our trip. It’s like having a little Big Bob watching out for you, and yelling at anyone who makes a mistake.”

STORYLINE

Manimal To Rebuild Lahaina Drainage System Damaged By Hurricane Neki

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Neki was a once-in-a-century hurricane, with record winds and tidal surges. The storm caused hundreds of millions of dollars in damages, and left thousands in its path without homes or utilities. The hurricane’s devastation has been unprecedented, but so has the vast outpouring of support to help rebuild Lahaina. While most of that has been in the form of food, water, and medical supplies, one company has promised to solve a major problem the county is facing after the storm. The Lahaina based Manimal corporation has offered to rebuild and improve the county’s combined sewer and storm drain system.

Many experts agree that the Lahaina drainage and sewer system was badly in need of an upgrade before Neki. The decades old system was outdated, and unable to keep up with the needs of a booming Lahaina. The hurricane only exacerbated existing issues, propelling them into the spotlight. The city says that by accepting the offer by Manimal, they will be able to return services much faster to the community, and avoid any secondary dangers that the broken system now presents. “While Manimal is rebuilding our wastewater system we can focus on clearing roads, providing shelter, and returning power to residents. It’s a matter of utilizing what resources we have in the best way possible,” says Mayor Albert Cravalho.

Manimal CEO Spencer Kane says that it’s an honor to help the town so instrumental in the story of the drink company.

“As the birthplace of Manimal, Lahaina will always hold a special place in our hearts. When we learned how much damage 100 mph winds can cause, we were blown away. It makes you really appreciate how dangerous ultimate windsurfing can be. I learned about the sewer issues when delivering some emergency Manimal for the relief effort. I couldn’t believe another potential disaster was just waiting in the wings, when it rains it pours! I knew we had do something, so I got together with our best people, and told the Mayor we’d help take care of it, in exchange for branding and marketing rights. He agreed, and our civil engineers have devised an extreme drainage system able to handle the most extreme weather, and I may be biased, but the manhole covers look great!”

A massive marketing campaign has already begun to drum up public support for the unusual agreement. Manimal is running a number of commercials about the project and branded manhole covers have already turned up in a few neighborhoods. While most are happy to have a working sewer as soon as possible, no matter who builds it, there are some who worry that the drink company might cause long-term damage to the system. One resident says, “I appreciate the offer but what does Manimal know about combined drainage systems? My cousin Randy basically lives on Manimal, and I wouldn’t put him in charge of stacking blocks, let alone building something we all count on. I can’t believe the mayor agreed to this! What’s next, the Hailoha Parks Department, or the Abramo Meat Police? Bringing in a B-list celebrity to go over a slide presentation won’t change my opinion on the project either.”

As part of the marketing campaign, Manimal has held a number of informational meetings, hosted by their spokesperson Tony “Half-Barrel” Kahale. Offering a chance to look at various manhole designs and mock-ups of the new system, the meetings have been a hit with residents who’ve been forced to live in shelters. “I’m just spreading a message of hope and hydration,” says Kahale. “As a 19 time World Manimal Drinking Champion, I know a lot about processing excessive amounts of fluids. Manimal and hurricanes can be almost as intense going out, as they are going in, and this new combined sewer design is up to the task. Our “Storm Off” inlets regulate the flow of runoff water to a level that even the old system could swallow, eliminating the chance of future flooding. Knowing how many people were injured because of a lack of emergency shelters, we’ve included a number of refuge rooms in our designs as well. Now, in an emergency, your safety is only a manhole cover away. Worried that you might get bored waiting out the emergency? Don’t be. Many rooms include things like short rails for grinding, quarter pipes to practice basic tricks, and plenty of free standing structures to practice your parkour. It’s our pleasure to provide the residents of Lahaina a sewer system as radical as their lives.”

STORYLINE

You need to Let me deface your building

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Hello marketing person or entry level communication drone dying inside, and forced to sort out any “unpleasantness” from the public discourse for his boss. If the drone is still reading this, I urge you to reevaluate your life so far. How much can you possibly be making? What do you think being told you’re a terrible person a thousand times a year does to someone? I’m sure those honest few minutes each morning in the shower before the water washes away your tears tells you everything you need to know. Do yourself, and me a favor and pass this on to someone who isn’t a loser. If this is someone in marketing. let me get to the point, you are hurting my brand. When you hurt my brand you are ultimately hurting yours. It’s easy. Just in case you don’t get it yet, let me try and explain it to you.

I don’t think you know who I am and what I’m trying to do for both of us and that has become a problem. Let me try and clear it up for you. I am the famous, some say infamous, artist St. Skribillz. Some call me a graffiti artist, or a street artist but I don’t like to limit myself with labels. I apologize that I can’t talk directly with you or call on the phone. It’s important for the persona that I remain anonymous.

I’m sure you’ve heard of the “Illz” campaign that I started 3 years ago. One of the many documentaries about me has called it “The most subversively humorous, and expertly advertised social commentary about the folly of man since the invention of paint.” I have graced over a dozen corporations and organizations with my crafted critiques. In the process, my work has helped thousands. I donate a portion of the sale of each work after I have it removed from your facility. In turn, you get to say that I have defaced a portion of your property. The establishment gets mad and offers to throw you some support, and your name gets out there to all the kids. No press is bad press. Am I right? I’m not sure what you’re not getting. Even the religious groups I’ve condemned have played ball so far.

One of the first targets of the Illz project was your giant veil station in Lahaina. It took me all night to get the geometry of that many toilets in two places at once correct. Don’t get me started about how bad the lighting was the following morning. What is usually a well rehearsed 2 hours of documenting and promoting stretched into the early afternoon. Then I heard later on in the jet that the piece had been removed already. I thought you just didn’t get what I was doing, and would wise up on another attempt.

A year later I found myself back on the island and tried again. Imagine my surprise when it happened again. At first I thought the issue was my assistant Tim. I had updated my paints after the earthquake had destroyed my work in China. When I saw what the hoses and rubble had done to my baby I almost lost it. I still get a little choked up about how faded the color looked after that terrible day. I was so ashamed of the quality of that piece that I never put it up for sale. Anyway, I was sure you wouldn’t be able to clean off my new paints in such a short time, so it had to be Tim.

He had been acting weird in the days leading up to my second attempt. He didn’t tip the Hailoha driver and then told me he did. He was late with his marketing and social trending reports, and worst of all he was taking pictures of things other than the work in order to throw me off. “This place is gorgeous,” he said while snapping away pictures on the beach. As if nature could come close to the level of beauty that staged lighting, vibrant scientifically created colors, and my expert hand affords. When the news crew we had tipped off reported that my accomplishment had disappeared within 24 hours again, I assumed Tim had colluded with you to have the mural cut out and sold.

I’m not especially proud of what happened in the subsequent 2 months. Mistakes were made, but I have learned a lot and growth is important to an artist. I had Tim followed and may have allegedly monitored his communications. The tracking system we put in his car didn’t really reveal anything so I may have allegedly hired people to physically follow him around and report directly to me. Tim was always a little paranoid, so he may have been on edge already after discovering the listening device in his apartment. I guess guys in a SUV following him around was too much for him. I regret the high-speed chase, but the investigation that followed helped me understand that Tim wasn’t involved with the disappearance of my art, and he’ll have full mobility again in a few more months.

Third time’s a charm they say, so I decided to end what has been my most successful art enterprise with you, the biggest and most controversial company on the planet. This time however, I was going to wait around with the crew until the media showed up. I couldn’t imagine that you’d break the social contract between exploitative megacorporation and artistic opportunist again.

Then, even before the local paper showed up, along comes a little old man dragging a power sprayer. As I said, my paints are expensive and earthquake proof now so I wasn’t worried. But before I could stop him, the guy had erased hours of work with one pass of the sprayer. I asked what the hell he had loaded in that thing but he said it was just water. He then explained that the whole damn building had some sort of coating that was resistant to stains and plant growth.

Don’t you think that is something you should talk about more? Maybe mention it on your website? My work is important. Maybe I’m not a gigantic company with thousands of facilities worldwide but I have a following of almost 100 million on social media. Have you checked your’s lately? I have, and it could use a boost. I’m going to be in town for another couple days and I’m willing to try vandalizing your building one last time. I usually don’t like to schedule guerilla art but maybe that’s what needed in this case. Lets help each other’s brands with some positive outrage!

Saint Skribillz

Champion of the Truth
Painter of the People

STORYLINE

Veilcorp Unveils Plan For Public “Veil Stop” Network In Lahaina

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In the past two decades veil technology has changed the face of long distance travel. Veilcorp has made the dream of near instant world transit a reality and dominates the global business and leisure travel market. Now, with a new plan for a public transportation system in Lahiana, the company appears ready to change the way we move locally as well.

A joint project between Veilcorp and the Hawaiian government, the proposed “Veil Stop” network would see the company converting already existing bus stops in Lahaina into a series of small, interconnected veil stations. The plan is backed by Mayor Albert Cravalho who released a statement this morning which reads in part, “We are proud to partner with Veilcorp in this amazing project. The County of Maui has long been a leader in technological adoption and environmental awareness. We look forward to being able to provide tourists and residents alike a safe and easy way to travel across the island, while doing even more to protect our beautiful and delicate natural areas.”

Brie Howard, Veilcorp’s VP of special projects and strategic growth, says that the program will revolutionize local travel and business.

“Without getting into specifics, we’ve made great progress in the past few years reducing the amount of energy required to power our veil technology. We’ve made the process efficient enough, with the same safety features, that our Veil Stop network is now viable. Much of what we need is already included in the bus stops. With a few minor additions and a little new wiring work, we can offer a unique travel experience for visitors who don’t want the hassle of traveling on a bus.”

Even though the buses running in the Lahaina area are completely electric, Howard points out that they still have some environmental impact through maintenance, wear and tear on the road, and a reliance on rare metals for the production of batteries. The Veil Stop network on the other hand, would largely rely on existing infrastructure and the solar production of 127 by the Icarus project for power. According to Howard the system would have virtually no negative impact on the environment. “The best part is that you’ll never have to ride the bus again,” says Howard. “Nothing can ruin a vacation like having to be trapped inside a vehicle with crying babies, inebriated travelers trying to hold it together over the bumps, and lost tourists shouting for the driver to stop every 100 yards.”

Residents and business owners alike have expressed excitement over the project since it’s announcement. One of the most enthusiastic has been Ralph Umeke, the owner and operator of the Lahaina favorite, Hula Noodle. Umeke says the network would be a boon to tourists and residents alike. “The buses run pretty late but there are always people who don’t make the last run for the evening. Usually, it’s people who’ve been enjoying themselves a little bit more than they should. That leaves them few options. Some choose to call Hailoha for a ride, but they are often belligerent. I know quite a few drivers who won’t pick up in certain areas at night, because they don’t want to deal with the hassle or spend hours cleaning up their back seats. Others try to walk back to their hotels but that can be dangerous and they often get lost. The worst are the people who get one of the public Manimal ATVs and somehow work around the breathalyzer interlocks. Anything that can keep those 4-wheeled menaces off the roads and lawns of Lahaina is a long-time coming if you ask me.”

Many residents are as thrilled as Umeke, and the Mayor’s office has been flooded with questions about how many, and which stops would be converted under the plan. Those living in areas where bus service was discontinued due to the expansion of the preservation zone, are especially eager to learn if the network could expand to these old stops as well.

John Driscol, one such resident, says he’d be delighted to see the program expand into the preservation zone.

“They took away all busing in my area 15-years-ago, both public and school routes. Since then, I’ve needlessly spent over 60 hours a year walking my kids to the next closest stop, or in some cases, the school itself. When you do the math, I’ve spent almost 38 days chained to unnecessary parental responsibility since the buses stopped running to our neighborhood. I can’t get those days back, but it’s not too late for other parents who love their leisure time but feel an obligation to ensure their children’s safety as well. I take comfort in knowing that this system has the potential to help new parents who haven’t had to endure what I have. In addition, the fact that I would be able to greatly reduce the amount of steps I’d have to take in a day, gives me hope. Looking at the location of old and existing bus stops, I believe I could reduce the number of steps I take in a busy day to under 2,000, and most days far less. I can’t get those school days back, but I might be able to greatly extend the life of my sandals, and that’s good enough for me.”

STORYLINE

Hailoha-Health Set To Expand To Big Island Despite Concerns

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Hailoha’s latest offering, Hailoha-Health, was launched late last year to much fanfare. The service targeting: healthcare providers, hospitals, imaging facilities, clinics, and those unable to drive themselves to appointments, has driven a rocky road over the past 3 months. Despite numerous complaints about the service, particularly by a wide range of Lahaina medical professionals, Hailoha has announced they plan to expand the service to the Island of Hawai’i by this summer.

Nella Lawe, Hailoha Vice President, says the company saw a need for a healthcare transportation service, and stepped in to fill the gap. “As alarming as it may seem, more than 4 million American’s miss medical appointments because they don’t have access to transportation, or the money to afford the exorbitant price of traditional healthcare transportation. Hailoha-Health has saved lives.”

The company says that Hailoha-Health offers the sick and infirmed a reliable and efficient way to get to appointments. They say patients enjoy that their drivers are their neighbors, making what can sometimes be a anxiety-ridden experience more pleasant. Hailoha says that all their drivers are trained in HIPAA compliance and standards. In addition, the service is designed so medical centers can book rides on behalf of clients using Hailoha’s customer booking dashboard.

“We go to great lengths to protect client privacy. Medical data is never stored or handled by our drivers. The only information your driver ever knows is your name, where you are, and where you need to go. We’re not an ambulance service, but we are handling another type of emergency in the medical field. We’ve already seen a 20% uptick in clients making their appointments thanks to our service, and I’m sure that’s just the beginning,” says Lawe.

However, not everyone believes that the what the company is offering is good medicine. Many healthcare professionals have lodged complaints about the service, drivers, and Hailoha business practices. Lahaina Medical Center Director Dalia Forsythe is one of the company’s most vocal critics, saying the company, “isn’t offering the cure to anything but common sense.”

“There is a reason that healthcare regulations exist. It takes a long time to grasp the ins and outs, learn all the HIPPA rules, and become certified in basic first aid, including CPR. To say that these drivers can learn everything they need to know in one afternoon of instructional videos is ridiculous! It’s not just patients that are in danger either. Hailoha says their service is restricted to people only, but drivers routinely make deliveries of tissues, and even organs from facilities trying to save a dollar. I’ve personally witnessed a driver pull donated corneas from a cooler filled with beer, and I’ve heard of drivers losing biopsy tissues on the way to a lab. Hailoha says that they are not an ambulance service, but I’ve seen many patients in dire need of medical attention try to save a little money by calling them, instead of an ambulance. People have absolutely died because of that choice. I agree that there is a real issue here with regard to transportation, but we’re not going to fix the problem with just a band-aid and Hailoha-Health.”

Despite Dr. Forsythe’s misgivings the service has grown substantially since the beginning of the year, and is quite popular not only with those in need of transportation, but with drivers themselves. Local resident and part-time Hailoha-Health driver Randy Wilcox says it’s a great way to give back, and learn about your neighbors in need. “To tell you the truth, I’d do this for free,” he says.

“I have friends who are Hailoha drivers and love it. My buddy Mark had been trying to get me to drive for close to a year. He said it was fun, and an easy way to make a little extra money, but it seemed kind of boring to me. Then I heard about Hailoha-Health, and I knew I had give it a try. I was not disappointed. Sure, there’s lots of calls from old people who need to go get their meds, or get that spot on their leg looked at, but you can just decline those jobs. I hang out by the cliffs, or the beach when the surf is big, anywhere I think people could get injured, and it’s paid off. I love the controlled chaos of an emergency call. I can drive as fast as I need to, cut through parks, down closed trails through the preservation zone, and get paid when I’m done. Just last weekend I had to drive through two different soccer games, while taking a shortcut for a woman who’s ankle looked broken. It was exhilarating! Of course the police say that driving people to the hospital for a living is no excuse for “reckless driving”. I’m fighting the tickets though, and I’m sure the judge will see it my way once I explain everything to her. As long as I still have a license, I’m going to keep driving Lahaina’s most injured, at a high rate of speed, to the medical facility of their choice. It’s been awesome so far!”

Hailoha says the new service will debut in Hilo June 7th.

STORYLINE

Officials Say Unwitting Driver Helped Thieves In Burglary Spree

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Lahaina Police arrested three men late Sunday evening for breaking into at least 4 homes in the Black Rock Beach area, and stealing property. 28-year-old Tim Luahi and his cousin 25-year-old Ollie Luahi are facing multiple counts of robbery and grand larceny, but it is the role of the third man, 30-year-old Mark Me’e that has everyone talking. A driver for Fleetaleet, a commercial freight spin-off of the popular Hailoha ridesharing service, Me’e claims he had no idea that his customers were thieves, and thought he was just helping them clear out a number of newly purchased homes. Police say there are no charges filed against Me’e, and he was released soon after his arrest.

Launched last year, Fleetaleet offers a “quick, and affordable solution to anyone needing last minute, or infrequent commercial trucking services,” according to Nella Lawe, Hailoha Vice President. She says, “Drivers get sick, trucks breakdown, automated trucking is expensive, and long-term leasing can be a hassle. We recognized a need in the market for real-time freight services and took advantage. Fleetaleet has provided hundreds of companies with on-demand trucking solutions, and moved millions of pounds of their goods safely, and in a timely manner. Our drivers are safe, and we have a higher customer satisfaction rating than any traditional freight company.” Nonetheless, there are many homeowners this morning who are not singing the company’s praises.

According to Me’e the night started out as any other, until he got an alert that someone was in need of a box truck. “I had been shuttling people all day from the beach to hotels and locations along Front Street. I was getting pretty burned out, and then I saw someone needed a moving truck and driver for a 4 hour job. I thought it’d be a great way to break up the monotony, and end the night with a big job. Unfortunately, that’s not what happened.” Mark says he met the Luahi’s at a beach house North of Black Rock Beach, and while nothing seemed unusual at first, the night began to take a strange turn. “Maybe it was just because I was so tired that I wasn’t thinking straight or something, but I really didn’t think anything was wrong until I saw the police lights.”

From his statement to the police:

“I arrive at the address I was given to find two guys wearing half face tactical masks, and standing by a pile of electronics and some rolled up rugs. I joked with them that I just drove the truck, and didn’t know anything about robbing banks. They said they were from the mainland, and were worried about catching the flu, and the masks were the only thing available at the veil station shop. They explained that they had just purchased a bunch of investment properties in Lahaina, and needed to do walk-throughs and make sure nothing was left behind. They loaded up the truck, and off we went to the next location.

They didn’t seem to have the right addresses, and we drove around for a while, but I didn’t mind too much because the meter was running. We finally got to the next home, and I waited for them to do their inspection. Again, they came out with a bunch of electronics and a jewelry box this time. I remember thinking that whoever left their jewelry behind was an idiot. In retrospect, I guess I was the idiot.

This went on for a while. I’m not sure exactly how long because I was so tired. I did think it was strange that they never brought out any furniture, and almost asked about it, but thought maybe they were planning on renting some of the places furnished. At this point I could barely keep my eyes open, and asked how many more houses they needed to clear out. They said there was one left; so we headed out.

I guess I had fallen asleep waiting for them, because the next thing I know there were lights everywhere, and someone is screaming for me to get out of the truck. Before I can do anything, the window shatters, and I’m face down in the driveway with a taser in my back. Not only did I not end the night with a big payday, but I’m tangled up in some sort of burglary ring in my hometown. I’ve gone out on some bad calls before, but this one takes the cake.”

Police say this is not the first time they have run into trouble with criminals using Fleetaleet for illegal activity. There have been numerous incidents of the company’s drivers being hired to transport stolen property, black market goods, and even drugs. Fleetaleet says they have a vetting process in place for drivers, and follow all applicable laws. Despite their assurances, Mayor Albert Cravalho says the company needs to do more to ensure the safety of the public.

“All a person needs to be a Fleetaleet driver is: an internet connection, access to a commercial vehicle, and the ability to click yes to a series of questions,” says Cravalho. “A 17-year-old boy, registered as a driver with Fleetaleet, rolled a tanker truck on the Honoapi’ilani Highway a few weeks ago just South of town. The spill shutdown traffic for hours as the site was cleaned. They can, and need to do better. I’m a little more understanding with them when it comes to this robbery thing. Clearly, this Mark guy needs to find wherever he put his common sense, and the company needs to reassess if this line of work is for him. If it was me, I wouldn’t hire him if he was the last driver left on Earth.”

STORYLINE

Drivers Protesting New “Hailoha-Lit” Service

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A pilot program designed to curtail drunk driving in West Maui over the holidays has some hopping mad. For over a month now, Hailoha-Lit has offered anyone a free ride if they find themselves on Front Street after a night of celebrating without a way to get home. A partnership between the city of Lahaina and the popular rideshare service Hailoha, the program has already delivered dozens of tourists safely to their hotels. However, many Hailoha drivers say the free service is potentially dangerous and the company has grossly lowered standards to meet demand.

Lahaina saw a record number of accidents, many involving inebriated drivers, last year and 2036 was on track to beat the record again. “We knew something needed to be done and I think we came up with a great solution,” says Mayor Albert Cravalho. Bartenders, police officers, and local business owners carry vouchers for the free rideshare service. After filling out a form with their basic information and declaring that they don’t have the money for a taxi, inebriated people get a free ride from a Hailoha-Lit driver. The service even provides a retrieval voucher for customer’s cars if they were towed, and a reimbursement envelope to send a donation at a later date. Cravalho says he expects other cities to offer similar services soon.

“We’ve seen a 60% drop in police and service calls since the program started and it runs entirely on donations. I’m not sure why some of these drivers see the program as a threat. Every driver can turn in a voucher for reimbursement it’s not like we’re taking away their business. Sure, some of the Hailoha-Lit vehicles may be a little rundown or unusual, but I don’t see the passengers complaining when they get to their destinations safely. The only problem here is disgruntled drivers making a scene.”

Mark Me’e doesn’t see it that way. A long time Hailoha driver Me’e says the program makes a mockery of ride-sharing services and Hailoha’s standards for Lit drivers are dangerous to the industry and more importantly to the public.

“When a passenger gets in my car, pays me, and gives me a location they get three things from me: a mint, a safe comfortable ride, and my undying devotion until we reach our destination. There has always been a strong social pact between driver and passenger. Whether it was ensuring nobody fell out of your canoe 3,000-years-ago, protecting passengers from bandits on your stagecoach, or ensuring everyone can make their connecting flights by going above a particularly bad storm in a jet, the job of taking people from one place to another has always been a sacred one, not to be taken lightly. I’ve seen people using Manimal ATVs as Lit drivers and we all know how unsafe those things are. If that wasn’t bad enough, I’ve also witnessed people riding on bike handlebars, in wagons, and even a lady pushing around tourists in a wheelbarrow. There is nothing sacred or honorable about delivering drunks in a piece of garden equipment.”

While the mayor denies Mark’s accusations and Hailoha says they only authorize the use of “wheeled vehicles” in the Lit program, there are numerous stories on social media sites detailing unusual rides home using the program. One such story involves 34-year-old Camilla Brandt and her husband Tim.

“It was our last night in Lahaina and we definitely overdid it. Tim had lost the credit cards somewhere between beach bars and I had left my purse in the hotel. We were trying to figure out what to do when a server told us about Hailoha-Lit and handed us a voucher. We had no idea what we were about to experience.

Randy was our driver. He explained how much he loved Lit and how the extra income was helping him take care of his grandmother. We didn’t understand at first what he meant when he said he never brought two people home before but was willing to try if we were. Then he went on to say that his car had broken down earlier that week and would be giving us piggy-back rides. We laughed, but he didn’t laugh with us. We just felt so bad for him that we thought we’d give it a try.

To be honest I don’t remember everything clearly because we did have a lot to drink and we were both trying so hard not to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. I just remember him carrying me a few hundred feet and then going back for Tim over and over again. Riding on his back was really bumpy and we had to stop frequently so I could puke but he didn’t seem to mind. Even so, Tim offered just to walk alongside us when he was getting bogged down on the beach, there was no point in all three of us retching in the sand, but Randy wouldn’t hear it. The piggy-back rides just got slower and slower. He collapsed about a half-mile from the hotel, but even then he was only concerned about us giving him a 4-star rating. He refused to let us call someone to help clean him up so we left him there sitting alongside the road with one of the best vacation stories in the history of vacations. I hope things got better for Randy and he isn’t still lugging around drunk people on his back. It was fun, but Hailoha needs a better screening process.”

STORYLINE

Cruise Line Trades Trips for Teen’s Glimpsea Handle

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Dutchess Cruise Lines ended its search in Lahaina this week for the owner of the Glimpsea handle @DutchessCruise. The company had been looking for the owner of name, only to find it belonged to an area teenager. 17-year-old Peter Kolohe responded to a posting by the company which read, “Aloha Lahaina! Does anyone know Peter? We want to talk to him about his great taste in names.” Reaching an agreement with the cruise line, Kolohe offered to turn over the much coveted name to the company, in exchange for free yearly trips for his family.

Dutchess Director of Marketing Amy Hau’oli says the company is thrilled to get control of the handle, and that Kolohe drives a hard bargain. “We’ve been focusing on expanding our presence in a few key areas this year, including Lahaina. I was ecstatic that Peter responded to our posting, but that was before I had to negotiate with him. He’s quite a young man, shrewd beyond his years, with a great future as a royal figurehead, or hostage negotiator. We offered to pay generously for the name, but he made it clear from the very beginning, he was interested in a bartering situation, and not money.”

Hau’oli says the company will put the Kohole’s on its newest ship, the MS Joy. The family will receive numerous surprises throughout the trip, including the opportunity for Peter to help Captain Henrick Rasmussen pilot the boat, and the chance to sign up for a number of theme cruises, before they are available to the general public. The family’s experiences will be documented on the cruise’s social channels by a film crew dedicated to capturing Peter’s time onboard. “It was a fun way to claim the handle, and reward a clever budding business man,” she adds.

A relatively new player in the cruise market, Dutchess has made a name for itself by expanding in underserved areas, exploring new ports of call, and offering a number of special theme cruises. The company’s popular Lahaina tech cruise offers excursions to the city’s Veil Station, Thorcon Power Plant, as well as other areas of interest for the science-minded. Dutchess offers many other options as well, including trips for: chefs, musicians, deep sea fishing enthusiasts, cat lovers, and even romance authors.

While Dutchess may be new to the cruise business, Peter is not a beginner when it comes to claiming business names on social media. In fact, the teen has a history of trading handles to companies, starting 5-years-ago when he was 12.
“Even though I was just a kid at the time, I instinctively knew that I was extremely talented, especially when it came to marketing and seeing the big picture. The first company I outmaneuvered was a local family-owned surf shop. I grabbed @BruddahSea before they could. I got a wetsuit and free wax out of that one, and I was hooked,” explains Peter. The teen says that many companies fail to claim their social media handles after going public, even large, well-known companies often let them slip through the cracks. “The opportunity to claim a name gets even bigger when you include regional networks and isps, like Glimpsea, and Phxicom. You’d be surprised at some of the companies that don’t lockdown their handles, and how easy it is for me to see several steps ahead of these ‘professionals’,” adds Kolohe.

“It’s kind of a family business, so it’s probably something in my genes. My dad made a bunch of money selling domain names back in the day, but like many great thinkers, I made it better by bringing speed, and fresh ideas to an old game. It’s easy to stay ahead of the pack when you’re rewriting the rules. I’ve never thought money was a good investment. I’d rather have stuff and service agreements. Governments rise and fall, currency is always in flux, and there’s no telling what the world will look like tomorrow. I wouldn’t be surprised if we figure out a way to use 127 to communicate with other realities, or see into the future. I guess everyone will finally know what it’s like to be me then.

What will always stay the same is basic needs, and the willingness to trade for goods and services. I have almost everything I need thanks to my insights, and my handle trading, as long as I stay in Lahaina. I have first dibs on reserving a public ATV and a special card that gets me free drinks, thanks to someone at Manimal forgetting to register on Glimpsea. I can get a free ride wherever Hailoha operates. I have first dibs on cans of SSHAM First Pressing Reserve when it comes out, and a few weeks stay in an Aloha Shores timeshare every year, all thanks to my talent at grabbing social media handles. Actually, one of the only local companies that has met me on level ground is Veilcorp. I haven’t been able to leverage anything from them. Their social media team is the bomb. I have a lot of respect for the speed and depth of their branding and name game. Of course they have a whole division, and I’m just me, but it is still impressive ”

Kolohe says that he’s proud to add Dutchess Cruise Lines to the long list of companies he’s struck a deal with, and doesn’t feel that there is anything wrong with name squatting. “Businesses must innovate everyday to survive. It’s not my fault that I’m quicker than they are, anymore than it’s a sharks fault that it eats slower fish. It’s the natural order of things, and the cost of me teaching your marketing department a lesson.” Peter says his goal is to eventually create an educational program designed to teach others how to do what he’s done. “I think the area is ripe for others, and I look forward to bartering with people from across the world for my knowledge and usernames. I’m not promising miracles. It is highly unlikely that anyone will be able to match my talents. You can’t really teach being two steps ahead, but I think it would be a shame if I didn’t share at least some of my wisdom with the masses. I won’t feel like I’m done until I can teach others how to live on names alone, cement my impact on the business world, and secure my place in history.”