Staff Captain Henrik’s Log of the MS Joy on 2/17/2051

6:00 am- Fair weather and calm seas. I have reviewed maintenance and inventory reports. The Joy is holding up well despite what we have been through. Food is almost gone. Water reserves are marginal. Fuel is low. Crew spirits continue to wane. I will put out another distress call this afternoon. I find the time before the authors wake pleasing. I miss Cruise Director Amy. She was an effective barrier to their nonsense.

7:00 am- Crew mess was unusually quiet today. We all know that we are most certainly doomed. I wait for someone to suggest that we end the cruise charade. Nobody has in the past 4 months since the accident and they don’t toady. I chew on what must be close to the last of the powdered eggs and wonder how many others might be left. The coffee is tolerable today, hopefully a good sign.

8:00 am- Complete my visual inspection of the ship. Meet with the station heads and make a plan for the day. We need to explore the Southern end of the island for fuel and water. Have had good luck there with the survivors. We need to find a boat that wasn’t so lucky. I believe it’s still too dangerous to dock. It won’t be long now. My least favorite part of the day. Soon I will endure a fresh round of complaints and ideas.

9:30 am- Mary is nothing if not consistent. Today they are upset that the buffets have ended. I maintain my composure as she tells me about how she was forced to eat beverage garnishes as a side dish with last nights meal. I try and imagine what would happen to a sailor who complained to his captain that he didn’t like his meal or that he didn’t appreciate being served a slice of fruit. I don’t blame them entirely. They can’t help it. As romance authors they live in a world that doesn’t resemble the one outside. I remind myself that they got onboard to live a dream and it’s turned into a nightmare. It is our job to help them get through this as well as we can. I noticeably grimace when she complains about the Amazing Dan not having any new card tricks. He remains the only entertainer to survive and stay onboard. Magic is for children and people who delight in being tricked. Nobody is as sick of Dan’s act as Dan.

11:00 am- Dark skies to the West. The wind has begun to pick up as well. The weather has been unpredictable since the fracture. Storms appear from nowhere, strange colored rain and lightning. The currents have shifted as well. We may have to put our trip to the South on hold and find some protection from the wind if it continues to build.

11:45 am– Despite numerous requests, Mary walks into the bridge and says she would, “Like to be put in a situation where she could get some fresh flowers in the next few days.” She says the deck chairs could use some sprucing up too. She continues to talk for the next 10 minutes about how the world will need love to properly heal itself. I stare at the horizon and nod my head at the appropriate times. She asks if we plan on showing a movie tonight or if we’re still rationing electricity. The movies provide much needed respite for the crew and I. I am determined to find more fuel.

1:00 pm- The winds remain but haven’t built and the sky is a dark steel color. The crew and I decided to skip lunch until we reach the next harbor. The weather looks good enough to try a run. Course is plotted and we head out while the authors eat.

1:30 pm- Something is wrong with the water. It is churning and bubbling in spots. Our speed has been reduced to 10 knots. Everyone is worried, but we’re too far into it now. The wind has picked up considerably and there is lightning in the distance. Waves continue to build. I sound the alarm and cut their repast short. I hope I live to hear their complaints this evening.

1:45 pm- Water seems thick, slowing us down considerably. We are at a crawl. Strange colored foam around the ship. We reverse to try and catch the current and put some distance between us and the storm. It is a mistake. The Joy lurches backwards and rises up a wave. I stare at the sky through the bridge window and worry for a moment that we might break in half. We slide down the wave and spin sideways. Everyone is thrown to the floor as the ship tilts. Wind blowing against us and hit broadside by a huge wave. The engines are still in reverse but we’re caught. We rise up as a gigantic swell forms beneath. I tell the bridge crew that it has been an honor to work with them as I watch the cliff-face quickly get closer.

2:15 pm- The storm ends as abruptly as it began. Nothing normal. Damn veil. The Joy’s journey is finally over. She didn’t collide as much as merge with the shore. The bow is crushed, multiple holes in her sides. We end up resting against the cliff, keeping us from tipping over. I do the headcount myself after the crew tells me we only lost one. We will all miss the Amazing Dan in our own way.

4:00 pm- Mary seems determined to explore inland for help. After some discussion with the crew, it is agreed that we will join her and the others. She says, “A cruise ship full of romance authors surviving a global apocalypse and a collision with a cliff is not luck; it’s living proof of the power of love.” I’m convinced now that I’m making the right decision. They have no chance without us.

Henrik Rasmussen
Staff Captain

MS Joy

Cruise Line Trades Trips for Teen’s Glimpsea Handle

Dutchess Cruise Lines ended its search in Lahaina this week for the owner of the Glimpsea handle @DutchessCruise. The company had been looking for the owner of name, only to find it belonged to an area teenager. 17-year-old Peter Kolohe responded to a posting by the company which read, “Aloha Lahaina! Does anyone know Peter? We want to talk to him about his great taste in names.” Reaching an agreement with the cruise line, Kolohe offered to turn over the much coveted name to the company, in exchange for free yearly trips for his family.

Dutchess Director of Marketing Amy Hau’oli says the company is thrilled to get control of the handle, and that Kolohe drives a hard bargain. “We’ve been focusing on expanding our presence in a few key areas this year, including Lahaina. I was ecstatic that Peter responded to our posting, but that was before I had to negotiate with him. He’s quite a young man, shrewd beyond his years, with a great future as a royal figurehead, or hostage negotiator. We offered to pay generously for the name, but he made it clear from the very beginning, he was interested in a bartering situation, and not money.”

Hau’oli says the company will put the Kohole’s on its newest ship, the MS Joy. The family will receive numerous surprises throughout the trip, including the opportunity for Peter to help Captain Henrick Rasmussen pilot the boat, and the chance to sign up for a number of theme cruises, before they are available to the general public. The family’s experiences will be documented on the cruise’s social channels by a film crew dedicated to capturing Peter’s time onboard. “It was a fun way to claim the handle, and reward a clever budding business man,” she adds.

A relatively new player in the cruise market, Dutchess has made a name for itself by expanding in underserved areas, exploring new ports of call, and offering a number of special theme cruises. The company’s popular Lahaina tech cruise offers excursions to the city’s Veil Station, Thorcon Power Plant, as well as other areas of interest for the science-minded. Dutchess offers many other options as well, including trips for: chefs, musicians, deep sea fishing enthusiasts, cat lovers, and even romance authors.

While Dutchess may be new to the cruise business, Peter is not a beginner when it comes to claiming business names on social media. In fact, the teen has a history of trading handles to companies, starting 5-years-ago when he was 12.
“Even though I was just a kid at the time, I instinctively knew that I was extremely talented, especially when it came to marketing and seeing the big picture. The first company I outmaneuvered was a local family-owned surf shop. I grabbed @BruddahSea before they could. I got a wetsuit and free wax out of that one, and I was hooked,” explains Peter. The teen says that many companies fail to claim their social media handles after going public, even large, well-known companies often let them slip through the cracks. “The opportunity to claim a name gets even bigger when you include regional networks and isps, like Glimpsea, and Phxicom. You’d be surprised at some of the companies that don’t lockdown their handles, and how easy it is for me to see several steps ahead of these ‘professionals’,” adds Kolohe.

“It’s kind of a family business, so it’s probably something in my genes. My dad made a bunch of money selling domain names back in the day, but like many great thinkers, I made it better by bringing speed, and fresh ideas to an old game. It’s easy to stay ahead of the pack when you’re rewriting the rules. I’ve never thought money was a good investment. I’d rather have stuff and service agreements. Governments rise and fall, currency is always in flux, and there’s no telling what the world will look like tomorrow. I wouldn’t be surprised if we figure out a way to use 127 to communicate with other realities, or see into the future. I guess everyone will finally know what it’s like to be me then.

What will always stay the same is basic needs, and the willingness to trade for goods and services. I have almost everything I need thanks to my insights, and my handle trading, as long as I stay in Lahaina. I have first dibs on reserving a public ATV and a special card that gets me free drinks, thanks to someone at Manimal forgetting to register on Glimpsea. I can get a free ride wherever Hailoha operates. I have first dibs on cans of SSHAM First Pressing Reserve when it comes out, and a few weeks stay in an Aloha Shores timeshare every year, all thanks to my talent at grabbing social media handles. Actually, one of the only local companies that has met me on level ground is Veilcorp. I haven’t been able to leverage anything from them. Their social media team is the bomb. I have a lot of respect for the speed and depth of their branding and name game. Of course they have a whole division, and I’m just me, but it is still impressive ”

Kolohe says that he’s proud to add Dutchess Cruise Lines to the long list of companies he’s struck a deal with, and doesn’t feel that there is anything wrong with name squatting. “Businesses must innovate everyday to survive. It’s not my fault that I’m quicker than they are, anymore than it’s a sharks fault that it eats slower fish. It’s the natural order of things, and the cost of me teaching your marketing department a lesson.” Peter says his goal is to eventually create an educational program designed to teach others how to do what he’s done. “I think the area is ripe for others, and I look forward to bartering with people from across the world for my knowledge and usernames. I’m not promising miracles. It is highly unlikely that anyone will be able to match my talents. You can’t really teach being two steps ahead, but I think it would be a shame if I didn’t share at least some of my wisdom with the masses. I won’t feel like I’m done until I can teach others how to live on names alone, cement my impact on the business world, and secure my place in history.”