STORYLINE

Lahaina Advertiser Corrections & Clarifications

The Lahaina Advertiser is committed to bringing you news and content that informs, engages, and entertains. We pride ourselves with holding the highest editorial and journalistic standards, delivering to our readers accurate, impartial, and timely stories. However, mistakes are sometimes made. When errors are brought to our attention, we seek to publish corrections and clarifications promptly and transparently. This page brings together in one place all of the corrections and clarifications made to The Lahaina Advertiser across print and digital platforms, whether as a result of complaints or further developments in a story.

April 24, 2050

  • This Mutant Crayfish Clones Itself, and It’s Taking Over Maui


An earlier version of this story misspelled the scientific name for the Red Swamp Crayfish. It is Procambarus clarkii, not Procambarus clak. Also, we have been informed that the crayfish in question does not have the ability to clone itself, and was introduced in 1923, contrary to our assertion that its presence is a mystery. Hula Noodle owner Ralph Umeke did want us to stress that the clarkii are “nasty” and nearly inedible, even with copious handfuls of garlic.

  • Randy Wilcox, Trailblazing Reality TV and Streaming Star, Dies at 46


Although seriously injured, Randy Wilcox is very much alive and recovering in the Lahaina Medical Center. Some of our readers also took issue with calling Mr. Wilcox a “star” or even “Mr.”, the latter of which is a requirement of our manual on style.

April 25, 2050

  • Veilcorp Studies Security Policies and Sees “Little Risk” to Bottom Line


An earlier version of this story misstated the portion of Veilcorp’s business that the company estimates would be affected by stricter global security policies. A spokesperson for Veilcorp says the company’s internal security protocols already exceed the measures proposed, and would not affect operations at all.

April 26, 2050

  • Hailoha Defends New Sea Service


We had mistakenly reported that Mayor Albert Cravalho had no comment on the matter. However, he had actually called for a closer look into the business, and threatened to shut down the water-based ride share service.

  • Six Films to Stream if You Loved “Veil of Terror: A Bride’s Nightmare”


Many of you suggested that Veil of Terror stands alone as one of the worst movies ever made. Readers suggested that the jerky camera work, ham-handed storyline, and actors taking on more than one role, made the film unlike any other, and trying to attach some similarity to six other films was not fair. On further review, we agreed and removed the story altogether. One of the complaints was in Esperanto, and went unresponded to.

  • What Cameras On Monk Seals Show Us: It’s Tough Out There


An earlier version of this article misstated the amount of weight lost by some seals in the study. The seals that stay around Maui during the summer lost as much as 10 percent of their body mass, not 80 percent.

  • A reader tells us that after 31 years of entering the jumble rumble competition, she finally won, only for us to spell her name incorrectly. Congratulations go to Helen Kapua and not Harold Kaper. Apologies Helen.

April 28, 2050

  • PZ Compliance Officer Elizabeth Stonegate Forced Into Apology For Maligning Civil Service


This article was amended after Mrs. Stonegate pointed out that she had in fact not apologized yet, and had no plan to. In addition, an earlier version misnamed the Center for Hawaiian Political Reform as the Center for Hawaiian Political Research.

  • What do Students Really Expect To Learn at the University of Maui Lahaina College?


This article was pulled after it was discovered that Kimberly Hekili, the only individual interviewed, was not a current student but rather had attended the unversity in 2046.

April 29, 2050

  • Hundreds of County Parks Ordered Closed Across Lahaina


We mistakenly said that more than 500 parks have closed in Lahaina since 2034 due to budget cuts. Greg Iona from the DLNR pointed out that there aren’t that many parks on the whole island, and that it was actually trails that were closed. In addition, the number of closed trails since 2034 was 5, not 500.

  • Over 1,100 years later, scientists discover what probably killed the Mayans


This article was amended to correct the spelling of Vindox Ashlidele’s name from Vindix Vagene. It was further amended for historical accuracy. While there is evidence that the Mayans had tobacco and probably smoked it, commercial cigarettes as we know them didn’t exist until the 1800’s. In addition, it is unlikely that there existed a Mesoamerican marketing campaign targeting young Mayans.

April 30, 2050

  • Unpaid internships in Lahaina now cost more than $3,500 a month


This article was amended to clarify that the cost of living in Lahaina was actually 3.5 times higher than the national average and not 2 times higher. In addition an estimated 1,000 graduates will have unpaid internships in a Lahaina business this year, not 10,000.

  • Dr. Adler Walters on the Cutting-Edge Technology of Trees


This article was removed after we were made aware that some of the information Dr. Adler provided is classified, and was supposed to be off the record. We apologize to the doctor, Vereserum, and the United States Government. We ask that readers who happened to see the article, immediately forget any and all details they might have remembered.

  • Abramo Chophouse Provides 20 tons of Burger To Expand “Meat and Greet” Program


We mistakenly identified the 20 tons of meat provided to the Meat and Greet program as “Burger”. Mr. Abramo points out that in fact, 20 tons of “Bob’s Perfect Burger Blend” was provided. He asserts that referring to the blend simply as burger is akin to calling a piece of wagyu beef, jerky. We have made the requested correction in the article.

We regret these and all future errors.

STORYLINE

Opposition To Emergency Siren System Grows In Lahaina

lodspeeker.jpg

A new multimillion dollar alert system in Lahaina is facing stiff opposition from residents, business owners, and environmentalists alike. A petition has been started asking the county to postpone a scheduled test at the end of this month until a number of concerns have been addressed. The county says that the system is a long needed public safety feature and has no plans to halt the test, or its expansion.

Installation of the new alert system began last month with little public resistance initially. County spokesperson Ellen Pahili says, “The alert system is something that we’ve frankly needed for a long time. After the wide-spread panic and confusion caused by the Veilcorp attack in 2041, it was decided that we needed a better alert system. It’s just too bad that it has taken 7 years to actual make any headway on the project.” Pahilil says that the devastation left behind after hurricane Neki, and the subsequent fireworks explosion, proved the need for the system to many holdouts. “If we could have warned everyone when Neki was about to make landfall we could have saved lives,” she says.

The Maui Emergency Management Agency, along with The Hawaii Emergency Management Agency, plans on testing the system along the Honoapiilani Highway, around Kahana and the Lahaina Waste Water Treatment Plant. The test is scheduled for Thursday, May 28 between 9am and 4pm. Officials say nearby residents may hear the siren sound eight to ten times for one-minute intervals during the identified time frame. Testing will include a series of short blasts known as “burps.” Emergency management officials and technicians will be conducting a number of system checks at that time to ensure everything is working properly.

The Lahaina Conservation Association’s (LCA) spokesperson Kimberly Hekili says that the test will disrupt the lives of many endangered animals, one of the most important of which is the Hawaiian monk seal. The official state mammal of Hawaii, the Hawaiian monk seal is one of the most critically endangered marine mammals in the world. According to NOAA estimates there are less than 500 left, with less than 50 calling the main islands home. With a breeding population residing near Lahaina, Hekili says we can’t afford to scare mothers away from their newborn pups. “These beautiful and rare creatures are one of the two mammal species native to Hawaii. They were here before people, and it’s our duty to ensure that they can continue to survive here. For the first time in decades, we have a group of seals using the waters and beaches in Lahaina as a nursery. They are already protected under the Endangered Species Act, and the Marine Mammal Protection Act, so we don’t understand the county’s decision to potentially scare these vital animals away. Times and technology have changed. With the ubiquitousness of ceremplants and smartphones, we don’t need a siren based alert system anymore than we need a city blacksmith.”

Other residents have concerns over the sirens as well. Noted author and Lahaina resident Kevin Morrow worries not only about startling the seals, but people too. He has started a petition to postpone the construction and testing of the alert system until the county addresses a number of misgivings.

“My major concern about this system is its potential to dramatically startle someone. We’ve all spilled or dropped something when we were startled. According to my extensive video research, many times these spills involve hot beverages and burns, as well as the destruction of valuable electronics. It has been proven that human beings make poor decisions while under stress and terrible decisions when they’re scared. If the county truly wants to help people during an emergency situation, they wouldn’t put them in a panic with a 135 dB scream during the middle of the night. I have provided the county a number of alternative sounds that could alert the public in a more responsible way: seabird calls, any standard ring tone, dogs barking, or ukelele music. Even a loud but calm voice saying something like, ‘Please be advised that something terrible is about to happen. We recommend that you immediately seek shelter in an orderly manner and await further instructions.’ I believe that any one of these alternatives will serve to alert the public, as well as avoid any unnecessary frightening.”

Pahili reiterates that the system is long overdue and counters, “We’ve consulted with a number of DLNR biologists who say that the tests will not have any negative impact on wildlife, including the monk seals. As far as Kevin Morrow goes, what we are most concerned about is the continued coverage the Lahaina Advertiser gives this man. There is a long history of the paper printing his misguided ideas and eccentric theories. We believe this exposure is not helpful to the public in general, or Mr. Morrow specifically.

STORYLINE

Testimony ends in Veilcorp Cube Theft Trial

law2.jpg

Testimony ended today in the case of 2 men accused of stealing the first object to be transported through the veil via gateway technology, a 1 kg tungsten cube. Those assembled in the King County Superior Court heard the last witness in the case this afternoon. Closing arguments and final jury instructions are set to begin in the morning.

For many, the cube’s journey on February 12, 2026 was one of those “I remember where I was” moments. News that a teleportation-like system had been created, a fixture in many sci-fi stories, swept the globe, and amazed the scientific community. The cube made around a dozen additional journeys over the next year, and was subjected to a number of tests before finding a home in Veilcorp’s Seattle facility.

The well-traveled tungsten had been on display to the public, with a handful of other items, in Seattle for years. Field trips to look at the cube were common for area school children, and it became one of the most popular tourist destinations in the city. An estimated 4 million people visited the cube in 2030. 2 of those people were 30-year-old Matt Broder and 27-year-old Jamie Tillson.

Broder and Tillson belong to a radical environmental group called, Gaia Guard. The group has a long history of conflict with a number of corporations, but have targeted Veilcorp in particular for several years. According to prosecutors, the popularity of the cube had caught the attention of the pair, and a plan to steal the cube was soon hatched. Officials allege that the men posed as cleaning crew and stole the cube the night of February 12, 2031, the 5th anniversary of its journey.

The incredible theft made headlines and began one of the strangest criminal investigations in history according to police. Investigators have testified over the past weeks that Broder and Tillson initially planned on ransoming the cube, but quickly decided to try and sell it instead. Tips began to come in almost immediately as the pair seemed shockingly open about their involvement in the crime. “At one point they listed the cube for sale on a social media site,” testified one investigator.

A sting operation was soon set up, with an undercover law enforcement official posing as a high-powered fence. Over the next 2 months, officials met with Broder and Tillson a number of times to discuss terms. Recordings of those meetings show that the pair seemed to be surprised at how much attention the theft was getting, and were unsure on exactly how much to ask for the cube. “They were completely out of their depth. I was, and still am amazed that they managed to steal the thing in the first place,” an agent told the court.

The tapes show a pair of men who were incredibly misinformed about the legal peril they were in, and the law itself. At the beginning of the second meeting, Broder told the agent that they wanted to be paid in trade instead of money so they “wouldn’t get in as much trouble as they would if they took cash and got caught.” The list of items the pair allegedly wanted in trade, a frozen yogurt machine in particular, has become the focus of a lot of attention in the media.

A luxury motorhome featuring slide-out rooms, quartz countertops, pearlized italian leather seats, and touch screen walls, valued at $2.5 million topped the list, but it was the pair’s love of frozen dessert that seemed to be their main focus. “We agreed to the small stuff and haggled over the motorhome for a while, but came to an agreement eventually. The biggest point of contentions was the yogurt machine. They really had their hearts set on getting this one specific model. It ended up working out really well for us. We told them that we were having a hard time getting the exact model they wanted, and used the delay to keep them talking. We learned a lot about their organization. I guess they were sick of sleeping in wet tents and really wanted frozen desserts.” testified an agent.

The Froyo Felons, as they’ve been dubbed by the press, didn’t dispute many facts during the case, but argue that they acted simply as middlemen for the cubes sale. They further claim that the State had not proven the value of the cube. Jury deliberation is not expected to take long, and a verdict is likely before the end of the week.

“We are eager to have the cube back in its proper place after the trial,” says Veilcorp spokeswoman Lisa Hunt. She adds,

“It’s a shame that these individuals were so easily sucked into believing Gaia Guard propaganda. We don’t think of the cube as ours. It belongs to the people, and to history. We are just acting as stewards. We promise to do a better job from now on at protecting all of the artifacts in our exhibits, we owe it to the public. I personally feel terrible that these two were led down such a dark path. I wonder how things might have been different for them had they come here earlier, and heard Dr. Oeming’s vision of the future instead of radical disinformation. Our snack bar offers 4 different flavors of frozen yogurt. I can only imagine how different things might have been for them had they visited our cafeteria.”