STORYLINE

These Robocalls Need To Stop

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Dear SSB&P management team,

My interactions and dealings with your company began on May 9th. They were odd at first and have become increasingly unpleasant. If someone had told me what I would learn and experience firsthand over the past week, I would have called them a liar. Without naming names, I have been informed of your unique situation by a member of your “Interdimensional Innovator Program” and urge you to take a new path. I implore you to have your representatives contact Veilcorp officials for help. I fail to see how sending interns to other worlds with stacks of legal documents and litigious attitudes gets you to a better place. Your actions are not only unhelpful to your organization, they are potentially dangerous.

May 9th was like any other Monday morning for about 45 mins. I was in the middle of a shave when I heard the doorbell and figured it was a delivery. I wish that I hadn’t opened that door, but after a few minutes of incessant ringing, the knocking began. I became concerned that something serious had happened. Much to my surprise there wasn’t a police officer at my door but a young man in a slightly disheveled suit. I didn’t even have time to ask him what he wanted or who he was before he shoved some documents at me and said, “Mike Lauder, you’ve been served!” Needless to say, it was not how I imagined my week starting.

I looked over the papers and they didn’t make any sense to me. I was being sued because my company provided parts to Veilcorp and was being accused of gross negligence in the manufacture of those parts resulting in a breach and mass loss of life. When I first took over the business from my father we did business with Veilcorp, but that was over 10 years ago. When Oeming died and Lisa Hunt took over the company, we were one of the many businesses who had their contracts paid out and terminated. The way she handled the transitional housecleaning left a bad taste in my mouth and I vowed that we’d never do business with them again. I was also pretty sure that if there was some kind of catastrophe involving Veilcorp it would be in the news and I hadn’t heard anything. I handed the paperwork to our lawyer anyway and tried not to dwell on it.

I wasn’t completely surprised when the lawyer called later that afternoon telling me not to worry about it. SSB&P wasn’t even a real law firm according to her. This was either a joke or one hell of a gutsy scam. I put the whole thing out of my mind until two days later when I had another early morning visitor. After some equally urgent knocking, I again found a young man in an unpressed suit shoving papers into my chest and telling me I was served. I asked him if this was a joke and which one of my friends sent him. He handed me a card and told me I could meet at the Veilcorp station after 6pm if I had any further questions. I called around and none of my friends would admit to the prank. I started to get concerned, and on advice from counsel I filed a police report. I tried again to put the whole thing out of my mind and focus on what I needed to get done before the end of the week, but something didn’t feel right to me.

When the doorbell rang Friday morning the adrenaline shot made me almost drop my razor. I’m not going to say who I found at the door because I promised I wouldn’t. All you need to know is that I had a long discussion with this person and they told me everything. I struggled to understand what I was hearing and bounced back and forth between belief and uncertainty. I won’t get into specifics in order protect this person’s safety, but they offered me some undeniable proof of their story.

I thought about calling the authorities but I’ve seen enough movies to know what would happen. Best case scenario, I’d end up trying to keep my eyes open through a mountain of antipsychotic drugs in an insane asylum somewhere. Worst case the government would learn the truth and decide I should never be seen again or my individual parts need to be studied because I’ve had contact with a person from another dimension. No, I couldn’t tell anyone here. I didn’t plan on sending this letter to you either. I promised your employee I wouldn’t because I can’t imagine how it would help you and I’m sure it wouldn’t turn out to good for them. They’ve told me stories about your new org chart and it didn’t sound pleasant. My plan was to just keep answering the door and accepting paperwork every two days and try and keep all of this quite, but this morning the robocalls started.

At first it was just static and I almost hung up. I wish I had. When I heard the automated voice inform me that SSB&P had a special message for me and that I should go to my nearest Veilcorp station to wait for further instruction, I knew that I had to do something. I can handle the threat of of being sued by interdimensional lawyers 3 times a week, but other-wordly robocalls is the stuff of nightmares. I don’t understand why you’ve decided to take the path you have. I think you’d be much better served seeking out Veilcorp help instead of threatening litigation, but that’s your decision. These calls however are a whole other issue. Not only will they not work, but they’re going to get me vivisectioned in a government lab somewhere. I’ll help you in any way I can but you have to stop the robocalls; they’re dangerous!

Mike Lauder
President Lauder Industrial

STORYLINE

Re: “Meal Ticket” Episode 6 Show Notes and the Eric Oeming Incident

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Mr. Abramo,

I am new to the VNN family, but not to being a showrunner. However, In all my years in the industry, with dozens of successful programs under my belt, I have never received show notes like the ones I found on my desk this morning. I think you have vastly underestimated the liabilities you have raised, and the difficult position that you have placed me, the network, and yourself in.

Since the filming of episode 6 with Eric Oeming yesterday, my phone has not stopped ringing. I have had to bump emergency meetings, for more emergency meetings. As you know, we have had many high profile issues lately, and we can not afford another public incident. However, I am learning to lead with positivity, so let me address what we can partially agree on. The first part of your note states:

“VNN came to me with this development deal because you were hungry for locally produced content. At the very beginning, I informed you that I didn’t want to do anything demeaning or harmful to my brand. I wasn’t interested in doing anything rehashed, schlocky, or outdated. If I was going to put together a feast for the eyes of your viewers, it was going to be something I could be proud of in 20 years. I didn’t want to create something that I’d have to quickly change the channel when it came on. You promised me all of your resources, and complete autonomy, but I’m beginning to feel like you shorted my delivery. I don’t feel like you’re respecting my vision, and what I’m trying to cook up here.

“Meal Ticket”, isn’t just another reality dating show. It’s a chance for people to know that you really can have your steak and eat it too. It’s stories of love tragically lost, and found anew. It’s the dream of meeting someone under false pretenses, who has a lot of money, that you don’t necessarily dislike, and competing to marry them. Without our gentle nudge, many of these wealthy widows and widowers might spend the rest of their lives eating alone. This is about the hunt for life and love, an ancient play, performed against the backdrop of the finest chop house in the world, while a lavish dinner is served. New prospective dates arrive with each course, allowing viewers to see love, and a perfectly crafted meal progress before their eyes. Nobody has done anything this close to artistic perfection before, so why are you making substitutions to my recipe?”

While we do support the artistic vision of our show partners, I think you might have overestimated how much new ground your hidden camera dating show is breaking. My office is always open should you need anything. If you had only taken advantage of my open door policy, we might have avoided the nightmare we are currently in. You further write:

“This Eric Oeming episode should have been our best yet, but he was awful! I refuse to believe that it is too soon for the most famous man who has ever lived, to get back into the swing of things with a motivated young lady. There’s no way he should be single! It’s been over nine years since his family was killed in that explosion and his return to work. How long can you mourn? If anything, he should be thanking me. Instead, he’s so damn humorless that his lawyers are threatening to come after me for not getting a signed waiver to record him. They’re also going on with some nonsense about false pretenses and statements, as if lying to someone to include them in a reality show is a crime. He’s a public figure, I’m sure there are people lying to him all day long. This has been a great reminder to me that no good deed goes unpunished. If he and his team of lawyers wants a fight, that’s just what they’ll get! Bob Abramo is not one to be truffled with!”

I hardly know where to begin with this statement. I think you have misjudged how big your seat is at the table. In addition to being the most famous man who has ever lived, and one of the most beloved residents of Lahaina, Eric Oeming owns our parent company, do you know what that means? I won’t even get into the rumors about what happens to individuals who get on his wrong side, since the attack.

According to Oeming’s people he was told that he was being presented with something called the “Aloha Spirit” award for his lifetime of work promoting the love and ingenuity of the Hawaiian people. The only reason that he agreed to attend, is that his long-time friend “Uncle” Ralph Umeke was supposed to be presenting the award. Of course we both know this was a lie. Mr. Umeke personally told me, “I’d give up the noodle shop before I’d be involved with a monster like Abramo, and I’d never knowingly subject Eric to what amounts to a speed dating show about gold-diggers. It’s repugnant, and Abramo better hope I don’t see him walking down Front Street!”

Let me be clear, your conduct in this matter has been reprehensible. Beginning immediately, we are cancelling “Meal Ticket”. This episode, and all previously shot episodes, will never, ever air. We’re sending a team to your offices and restaurant to claim: all equipment, any copies you might have, any dailies, unused footage, and any promotional materials. I’ll remind you that we are allowed, under your contract, to go through: any personal accounts, cloud storage, computers, and physical files at your office, place of business, and home. In addition, we are: cancelling your Phxicom account, dropping your subscription to VNN network channels, cutting off your access to our chat bots and AI’s, and it’s my understanding that Lisa Hunt is beyond furious. I’m going to need you to come down to the offices this afternoon, so I can collect your badge and commissary card. I would suggest you spend the morning considering how you can mend fences, and think of a way to survive the wrath of Ms. Hunt. I’m afraid you’ve bitten off more than your fair share of trouble this time Mr. Abramo.

Jake Tripper
Vice President of Special Programming
VNN

STORYLINE

Cabana of the Year Competition Kicks Off Lahaina Week Celebration

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All of Lahaina is buzzing in anticipation this weekend for the announcement of the winner of the “Cabana of the Year” title on Sunday. The competition, now in its 19th year, marks the official start of the Lahaina Week celebration. More than 100 cabana’s are in the running this year vying for the coveted title. While the competition has always sought to highlight the ultimate in beach comfort, this is the first year that corporate cabana’s will compete in their own category.

It may not garner the press of the Manimal Drinking Contest that closes Lahaina Week, but the Cabana of the Year event is a favorite with the locals. For almost 2 decades residents and businesses alike have constructed the ultimate outdoor lounges perfect for relaxing, and appreciating the laid back island feeling that has made West Maui a vacation paradise.

“In my opinion it is one of the greatest competitions in the world,” says resident and judge John Driscol. Star of the popular Veil Sale reality show, Driscol has judged the competition since its beginning and says, “I’m not aware of any other event that so perfectly encapsulates the area in which it is held as the cabana competition. In my opinion, these respites from the hustle and bustle of everyday life aren’t just places to lay back, have a drink, and stare at the water. They are true works of art.”

“It’s easily my favorite time of the year. Everyone has had moments in their lives that changed everything. I’ve been lucky enough to have three: the only time I saw my father cry, the birth of my precious daughter, and the first time I judged the competition. It was amazing! I thought that I’d never be more comfortable again in my life, but I was wrong. Every year, someone ups the lounging game, and it’s been a pleasure to be a part of the evolution of seaside drink sipping.”

This year marks the first time that corporate cabanas will compete in their own division. “It’s a long-time coming,” says “Uncle” Ralph Umeke, owner/operator of the famous Hula Noodle eatery and cabana contestant. Umeke says he appreciates local businesses wanting to be a part of the festivities, but they had an unfair advantage over the competition.

“I love Lisa Hunt and all the folks over at Veilcorp, but it is unrealistic to think that your average person could build an oasis as nice as one built by the largest corporation in the world. I think my tiki themed cabana has all the heart of the island, and class of the 1930’s when an appreciation of Polynesian art and culture started to spread across the world. There’s just no way I could install a mini-veil, and offer a thousand item beverage list like they could. One time SSHAM created a cabana out of a giant can with edible furniture inside, and Manimal had a wave simulator one year. All those things are great, but not something that your average resident could afford. Now the lounges have been leveled, and everyone can get back to enjoying themselves and embracing the aloha spirit.”

Many are praising the decision, especially with the black and white mark left by last year’s competition. While the event is supposed to highlight the ultimate in tranquility, 2049 was anything but tranquil for inventor Ano Lee, when his entry was plagued by a group of raccoons. The animals overran Lee’s cabana during judging, eating all the canapes before moving on. Three people were bitten in the ensuing chaos, and the contest was suspended for several hours until the little bandits could be rounded up.

“It was my fault. We had been feeding the trash pandas for weeks while we worked on a new chaise lounge design. Of course we never work without music, so I assume they started to associate the “Chill” playlist with food. I guess they must have heard the music when we set up. I was so busy fluffing pillows and explaining the modular nature of our printable cabana with the judges, that I didn’t notice the raccoons until it was too late. Next thing you know they’re trying to climb up my legs to get at the hors d’oeuvres and everyone is freaking out. I feel really bad for the people bitten, but we’ve been feeding them with totally different music than what we have playing in the cabana this year, so it shouldn’t be a problem. We’re really trying to forget the whole incident, and show off our latest custom lighting rig. I’ve never been more eager to hurry up and relax.”

STORYLINE

Reports of broken ads might be something more troubling

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Hi Lisa,
Thank’s for reaching out to me. I’m willing to help in any way that I can. Like many here, I had a tough time after the Luau attack. It seemed like there could be another bombing at any time, and all the investigators asking questions kept everyone nervous. I was on edge most days, just waiting for the other shoe to drop. You’ve done a remarkable job at piloting us through all the fear and chaos. We weren’t sure that the company would come out the other end of this intact. Not only have we made it through those troubled waters, we’ve never been stronger as an organization. I respect you and the work you’ve done, that’s why I agreed to report to you directly if Dr. Oeming did anything unusual.

To be honest, I was very uncomfortable with your request at first. This was Eric Oeming: the inventor of veil travel, one of the world’s richest men, CEO of the world’s largest company, brilliant scientist, survivor of a bombing attack. Reporting on his actions while working under a roof that he had built seemed wrong to me. With all the rumors swirling around after his return and the media lockdown, I worried that you might be dragging me into something above my paygrade. Everything seemed fine for a while, but then I found Dr. Oeming in my office one morning with a request.

He wanted to have all the data for 2 specific nights of transports. I told him that it would be no problem and I would make sure he had it by the afternoon. Then he said that he also wanted anything we had from customer’s ceremplants for those same nights. I started to explain that we’d need a court order to review that data, but before I could finish he became very agitated. He complained that he didn’t have time for paperwork, and that there was a time that “employees just did what they were told.” He must have seen the shock in my eyes because he calmed himself and said that any help I could provide would be appreciated.

I never worked with Dr. Oeming before but I had heard people say he was a different man after the attack. They said he hardly talked anymore and insisted on working alone. I didn’t think much of it to tell you the truth. I can’t imagine what losing my family would do to me. I don’t see how escaping a bomb attack couldn’t change who you are. He looked so earnest in my office, like some part of him really needed this information. So, I thought I’d look into it personally. I’m turning everything I found over to you because I don’t really understand what’s going on, but I think Dr. Oeming is involved somehow.

We get complaints about our veil ads all the time. Most are about some sort of technical issue: blurred images in the stream, ringing in the ears during the ads, that sort of thing. We take detailed reports from everyone who has an issue, but we get so many that they often get lost in the shuffle. I started looking at the two nights in question and didn’t see anything unusual at first. There was a slight uptick in complaints about ads but nothing that seemed notable until I started to read the customer narratives. This is going to sound strange, but a significant number of customers those nights report seeing things that aren’t ads in our inventory.

A number of travelers on the night of September 27th reported seeing an ad for an unknown war movie. A few complained that they didn’t recognize any of the actors and that they never saw a title. However, most of the complaints that night were about the graphic nature of the ad. In particular, a mother claimed that her children were traumatized by witnessing a soldier being hacked apart. I had assumed that another bad ad had slipped past our quality control team. Upon closer review, I discovered we didn’t have any movie ads in the rotation, let alone anything that graphic.

Then on the night of September 29th, there was a similar uptick in ad complaints. This time the issue wasn’t graphic violence but rather another question about messaging. The reports say that customers saw fields of plants as far as the eye could see. It was the description of the plants that caught my eye. Dozens say that they saw fields of short plants with reddish pods that looked like chicken wings. That reminded me of something. Do you remember last year when we lost that flat of Kükenroot seedlings? These reports seem to describe a field of Kükenroot. Then I noticed the dates.

Wasn’t Dr. Oeming’s daughter born on the 27th and his wife on the 29th? After some digging I found that we experienced numerous little power surges throughout those nights too. Nothing large enough to raise an alarm but big enough to show up in the daily reports. I went through employee records and discovered that according to his badge, Dr. Oeming never left the lab to go home those nights. I’m not really sure what all this means but thought it definitely met your criteria for “anything unusual”. I hope you don’t think I’ve been reading too many tabloids or running down a hole of conspiracy theories. There’ no doubt something odd is going on, and I’m hoping you can clear it up, whatever it is. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do.

STORYLINE

Welcome to the Upper Management Team!

Dear Veilcorp employee,

Congratulations on making it to VL10 and welcome to the upper management team! We are excited to be able to harness your expertise to make Veilcorp an exciting and engaging workplace.

As you may have heard, there are a number of unique benefits offered to VL10’s not available to others inside the company. You should be receiving an information pack soon from Larry Block, HR’s special executive business partner (and a VL10 himself), detailing the specifics of your new package. He will guide you through all your options and accommodate you in any way he can. Please direct all inquiries directly to him.

Please note that you have already signed your non-disclosure agreement. It is important to remember not to share any details about these benefits with your subordinates. Any failure to keep this information to VL10’s and above will be met with consequences including curtailment of benefits to immediate termination, and might include civil and criminal complaints.

Without getting into details here are a few of the many wonderful new benefits afforded to you.

  • Free travel to any Veilcorp location across the world is of course available to you and your family. In addition, you will have access to staging specialists who will take furnishings and elements from your home to decorate whatever accommodations you have booked, giving you a feeling of home wherever you go.
  • On-Demand Newuskin treatments for you and your immediate family so you all can look and feel your best.
  • Access to one of the company submarines, use of the ski chalet, and access to veil-net for personal dataset syncing.
  • A 10% discount on veil corporation merchandise.
  • Subsidized tuition set aside for your children or any niece or nephew that you might want to help.
  • A VeilCorp provided loan instrument for the purchase of a home, if you need it, or are looking to upgrade.
  • A million-dollar donation budget that you can direct at your leisure (the urchin restoration project is a popular choice for some of this money)
  • A ceremplant upgrade for your family and loved ones, with complimentary satellite tracking, and an ambassador class security team available when you wish.
  • A 127 powered home generator that will provide you and your family with all the energy you will need for your lifetime.
  • Hailoha black diamond status providing you with free safe transportation within 5 minutes in over 200 cities worldwide.
  • Access to a veil-dug emergency shelter. You and your family will be safe and secure within our luxury facility. Larry will contact you to work out the specifics of the personal emergency veil we’ll need to install in your home.

All of these wonderful benefits and much more are now yours to enjoy. Your negotiated and updated financial package is available via VALARIE. Eric and I look forward to working more closely with you in our shared future.

Sincerely,
Lisa Hunt
COO
Veilcorp

STORYLINE

Should Veilcorp be Required To Evacuate People During an Emergency?

Veilcorp sends millions of people on billions of trips every year, but should they be legally required to transport people to safe areas during an emergency? According to a growing number of people, including Rep. John Kildee, the answer is yes. Kildee has introduced a bill which would designate the Veil station in Lahaina as an emergency evacuation center, and require the company to send evacuees to a “safe destination” during an emergency. Veilcorp says the proposed law is an unnecessary government overreach.

Representative Kildee and his supporters say that House Bill 6239 is about protecting life, and ensuring that all available tools and options are open and ready in case of an emergency. Kildee points out that the InterIsland Preservation and Travel Act (IPTA), passed in 2046, already allows the government to regulate how many people are allowed to use veil technology to travel to Maui. “6239 is similar, but less intrusive to the company,” he says.

“Less than three years ago we were hit with the worst hurricane to ever make landfall in Hawaii. It was a miracle that more people weren’t hurt. Despite what some might have you believe, the world is not safe. While we are able to easily travel vast distances in the blink of an eye, it has not brought us together. Some regions have never been more dangerous, and the threat of a missile attack looms darker now than it ever has. Veilcorp has the technology to help all citizens get to safety during a natural disaster, attack, or civil event emergency. House Bill 6239 simply ensures that Veilcorp uses their technology to help those in great need. We want to ensure everyone’s safety, not just those who can afford it.”

Veilcorp COO Lisa Hunt says that the company already has protocols in place to handle emergencies and evacuations, and that the bill is more about political theater than public safety. “Rep. Kildee is once again beating his anti-Veilcorp drum to rally his base, but it is unnecessary,” she says.

“When hurricane Neki hit the island, hundreds of residents were safe in Veilcorp shelters. During the terrorist attack that claimed 10 lives, and injured many more, we transported people to safe locations, not knowing if more bombings were to come. We already do all the things mandated in this bill, but we do them efficiently without government interference. Look, many of us live in the Lahaina area. The people that this bill would cover are our friends and neighbors. We wouldn’t hesitate to help them in an emergency. We’ve been in the business of moving people from one place to another for over two decades. We’re pretty good at it, and getting the government into the mix will make things more dangerous, not less.”

Some agree with Hunts assertion, and believe a law forcing the company to transport people during an emergency is a bad idea. Many residents have expressed concerns over where they would be sent, with one local telling the Lahaina Advertiser, “I live in Lahaina because I fell in love with the people, sights and sounds. I don’t want the government forcing Veilcorp to send me somewhere with strange smelling food, and the daily news in a language I don’t understand. How am I supposed to find out what is happening to my home? What if I get sent somewhere with terrible coffee, and horrible wireless connectivity?”

Local author Kevin Morrow says the bill, as written, would be a mistake because it overlooks many logistical problems. He says, “I’ve actually been studying the Lahaina Veils Station since it was built and I can say with 100% certainty, that the line and queuing system inside would fail during an emergency situation.”

“Living in such close proximity, most of us have been in the veil station during a busy time like the holidays. The lines are like something out of a nightmare. Now imagine how bad they would be if people were scared for their lives. People push, pull, and fight in lines over bargains while shopping. Imagine the chaos involved with a line full of people who are trying to reach safety, and not just the last must-have toy of the year. Stanchions and retractable belts are no match for a crowd of anxious people.”

Morrow says he doesn’t believe that the government would be any better prepared to efficiently handle lines than Veilcorp, and says one only need visit their local DMV lobby for proof. However, he says he has a plan that could solve the problem.

“The main issue is that waiting in line is not natural. Lines are, for the most part, a product of The Industrial Revolution. Factory work changed people’s schedules forever. Instead of working sporadically throughout the day, people were now starting and leaving work at the same time, creating crowds. To deal with the chaos of this newfound social phenomena, we invented lines. In their lifetime, the average person spends five years waiting in line. The truth is the human psyche is not strong enough to endure that period of time participating in an unnatural social construct, especially with the prospect of impending doom lingering. That’s why I endorse such things as: Secure queuing chutes, letting evacuees pick waiting teams, assigning numbers in micro-waiting areas, and certified line soothers, who would assure you that your turn is coming soon. It’s all inside my 38-point “Better Queuing Plan” which I have shared with Rep. Kildee’s office and Veilcorp. Residents would have enough to worry about in the event of something like a missile attack. The last thing they’d need to deal with is the mental toll and physical dangers that a slow or mismanaged line would cause. Personally, I’d rather take my chances with a missile.”

STORYLINE

Veilcorp To Start Its Own News Service

Veilcorp has announced that it plans to start its own news service with reports and coverage specifically geared towards the corporation’s customers. Instead of traditional journalists, the service will rely on local “experts” and smart drones for all of its stories. Two pilot programs will start this week, one in Lahaina, and another in Seattle. Veilcorp says the new service will provide travelers with important local news, and offer a true look at the “unique atmosphere and vibe of our many destinations.”

Veilcorp is no stranger to exploring other various business opportunities, but the news business is different from its previous ventures. Veilcorp has had a complicated relationship with the media. Many accuse the company of having a cozy relationship with certain journalists, softening the coverage to some of the corporations more questionable decisions. None of those decisions was more controversial than the media ban following Eric Oeming’s return to Lahaina, after the terrorist attack that killed his wife, daughter, and employees.

With this kind of baggage, and an already saturated news market, one might wonder what would set Veilcorp’s news service apart from the crowd. According to Lahaina inventor Ano Lee, the answer is technology. “The news service will be using modified versions of my party drones, and will be integrated with the massive Glimpsea camera network,” says Lee. “My party drones were already designed to recognize: large groups of people, music, and lights, so I could find where the fun was happening on the weekend. We simply added cameras and the ability to set other targets of interest, whether those are areas, events, or specific objects and people. Now, Instead of sending back the GPS coordinates of the biggest parties on the island, the drones, with the help of the Glimpsea network, film whatever they have been assigned to cover.”

Veilcorp COO Lisa Hunt says that while the technology is cutting edge, the idea is quite simple, provide customers with a true understanding of the places and people that they are visiting. “Veilcorp, more than many other companies or organizations, is in a unique position to offer travelers the best local news available. We have a worldwide network, and a deep understanding of what travelers want. Numerous customer surveys have shown that people crave real-time and honest information about the places they are visiting. Our news service has no agenda other to inform our customers about the happenings, and important issues in their area. We use drones guided by local experts and contributors, to give veil travelers insight into the locals, and hear what issues are on their minds. Our goal is to offer great local news on a global scale.”

Some media outlets have scoffed at the idea of Veilcorp running a news service, and have questioned the credibility of any reports from citizen journalists and automated drones. A statement released from VeilWatch calls the proposed service, “One of the most dangerous propaganda tools ever devised, for the most dangerous organization the world has ever seen.” However, many, including people tapped as contributors, say the new service would offer a fresh, and much needed take on how local news operates, and what it covers.

Lahaina resident, and Veilcorp appointed expert John Driscol says he can’t wait to start his show, “Veil-Curious”. “They asked me to be in charge of Arts and Leisure. As everyone knows I’m a leisure expert. If you can’t find me relaxing on the beach, and counting waves, you can usually find me relaxing on another beach. I’m friends with numerous artists as well, so it seemed like a perfect fit. The best part of this service is the drones. I’ve never been in charge of something so simple. You just provide a few key activities, and specific things to look for to the techs. They load the information into the drones, and off they go. All you have to do is comment on what they capture. If you want to change up the coverage, you just assign new cues, and parameters. It’s really as simple as that. When Veil-Curious starts, people can look forward to lots of coverage of: tourists falling off paddle boards, beach bar reviews, and real-time tracking of that old guy who sells Italian ice from his cart. I really love that stuff, and he’s hard to find on the weekends.”

Veilcorp plans on officially launching the service on Friday, the 18th.

STORYLINE

VeilWatch Claims proof of secret human-127 testing program, threatens a midnight release

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People across the globe are expressing shock, anger, and disbelief over allegations from VeilWatch that Veilcorp and the U.S. government conducted a secret human-127 testing program in 2022. The watchdog group says they will release a full report at midnight unless the company agrees to halt all operations, and an independent government investigation is begun.

The study of 127 (unbiseptium), the element that makes veil travel possible, has a long and controversial history. Environmentalists have questioned its safety since a containment breach at a test facility in Iowa caused the mass evacuation of thousands and the destruction of several acres of crops surrounding the area in March 2023. The human testing program allegedly began months before.

These claims come hot on the heels of a leaked report from an investigator at the Department of Land and Natural Resources in Hawaii, linking an increase in 127 exposure to abnormalities in a number of plants and animals. Veilcorp denied those allegations producing a number of impact studies.

Complaints have not been isolated to Hawaii however. Since Veilcorp’s successful Icarus project increased the production of 127, reports have been pouring into various government and health agencies about adverse effects. Government officials claim that there is no need to worry and Veilcorp officials say that they have done everything possible to ensure the public’s safety. They vehemently deny these new allegations.

Spokesperson Lisa Hunt says,

“These allegations would be laughable if they weren’t so disgusting. I think the public needs to remember that this is the same organization that claimed to have proof that we had discovered a secret Nazi base in the arctic, and had moved all of our R&D there in 2040. Also, please don’t forget that in 2043 the sleuths at VeilWatch claimed to have evidence that our technology was the result of a pact Dr. Oeming had with the aliens who live on Nibiru. Nibiru of course is the mystery planet that enters our solar system every 3,600 years. We naturally expected VeilWatch to release our plans for a distribution hub in Atlantis next. The truth is that VeiWatch will release anything sent their way no matter how ridiculous or bizarre, but they have crossed a line this time. This is clearly nothing more than a distasteful smear campaign. We urge the public to consider the messenger when it comes to these charges, and urge government officials to take action against these reprehensible claims.”

VeilWatch founder Tim Durney counters that the full report has been released to key officials and has been thoroughly vetted.

“I was there in Iowa and saw how carelessly they acted. During the investigation it became clear to me that the government and Veilcorp were hopelessly entangled but I had no idea just how deep and dark their dealings were. According to these reports Veilcorp and the government started testing the effects of 127 exposure on people almost a year before the accident in Iowa. They knew how dangerous it was and didn’t warn anyone. Some of the findings in this report are incredible. I’m not going to get into specifics unless our demands aren’t met, but I will tell you that the research and findings described in these documents are right out of a sci-fi or horror movie. I have no doubt that the particulars will be shared with the public in the coming months. I think this is really going to open some eyes and people aren’t going to like what they learn.”

Experts seem split currently on what to make about these new allegations. Some share Hunt’s sentiments about some of the more outrageous claims made by VeilWatch over the years. Other’s say this time is different, as there has been some acknowledgment this morning from a number of officials that some sort of program existed. It remains to be seen what that program entailed and if it indeed involved human testing.

STORYLINE

Veilcorp Takes Part In Maui Pandemic Preparedness Exercise

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If you happen to visit Lahaina this weekend chances are you’ll notice more than just the breathtaking beaches and historic buildings. In addition to all the charms of Front Street, you might notice drones fitted with UV spotlights and groups of people in hazmat suits measuring sidewalk traffic and taking samples. Don’t worry though, there isn’t an impending biological attack or new outbreak of the latest superflu, it’s just an exercise. In conjunction with Veilcorp, the Navy, and other federal authorities, Maui County is testing its pandemic preparedness to ensure that Hawaiians will be safe in the face of an outbreak.

The Black Death killed 60% of Europe’s entire population. The 1918 influenza pandemic, caused by the H1N1 virus, infected about 500 million people and many of us are old enough to remember the COVID-19 outbreak and subsequent quarantines. Despite all of our medical advances, humankind remains susceptible to pandemics and epidemiologists say the increase in global travel only increases the chances of a novel virus spreading. “We just want to make sure that our first responders have all the information and tools they need to handle the worst,” says Mayor Albert Cravalho.

Late Friday evening, hundreds of volunteers will meet at Veilcorp’s Lahaina Station where they will be treated with a contagion analog spray. They will then go about their daily lives for the next 48 hours while scientists track their movements and monitor the spread of the contagion using UV lights and drones. Invisible to the naked eye the spray remains active for 48 hours allowing it to be passed on to the general public just like real pathogens. Veilcorp COO Lisa Hunt says the company is happy to help out with the exercise but wants the public to know that Veilcorp already takes great measures to ensure the safety of its customers and neighbors.

“Even though we already have the technology and many systems in place to eliminate the chance of one of our customers unwittingly spreading disease like this we know that terrible things can happen even in a paradise like Lahaina. It is important for us to protect the people and destinations we serve. The analog spray is completely non-toxic and safe for animals and the environment. We’re committed to the safety of our neighbors and communities. It may be a little alarming to see a group of people walking down the street in protective gear but trust me, you have nothing to worry about.”

While he didn’t contract the superflu, one volunteer found himself in the hospital after a trial run last night. 45-year-old Gary Puniwale had a severe allergic reaction to the spray and is unlikely to participate in the exercise this weekend. “I’m a little bummed and super itchy, but I’m used to things not going my way,” he says.

“They say the chances of having an allergic reaction to the analog is about 1 in 13 million, and having a severe reaction is 1 in 300 million. The doctor said nobody has seen a reaction as bad as mine. I just wish I had this kind of luck with scratch-offs. I knew something was wrong right away but they finished spraying before I could yell for them to stop. The last thing I saw before my eyes swelled up was the skin on my arms turning red. I’ve been told that my sense of smell should come back in a few days but they aren’t sure how long I’ll have to wear the eye patches. I’m was really looking forward to watching the drones work, but I guess I’ll have to wait for next time.”

This is the first time that autonomous drones will be used in such a capacity and the event has more than just Puniwale interested. Famed Lahaina inventor Ano Lee will be overseeing the drones during the exercise and says it is a big technological step that will allow safer and more rapid monitoring of disease progression in the future.

“I feel bad for that lobster looking dude because he’s right. This is going to be awesome! Soon we will be able to deploy drones instead of doctors and observers in areas ravaged by war or battling pandemics. In addition to looking out for my bruddahs and sistas here at home, we’re helping those brave first responders. Me and the crew have been self-quarantining most of our lives, so we’ve picked up a few tips along the way that we will be sharing with the public during the exercise. Even though you’ll be able to watch the most technologically advanced pandemic prevention program ever conceived work this weekend there is plenty you can do with what you have around the house.

Slipping a slice of SSHAM in a face mask can help reduce airborne viral transmission by up to 30%. If you sleep until noon you only have to make 2 meals instead of 3. You can disinfect most things with a microwave, even stuff labeled “non-microwavable” can be cleaned if you don’t mind a few sparks and some warping. Tongs aren’t just for the salad bar, use them to pick up things and keep your hands clean. If you’re worried about exercising while you’re stuck at home, drinking at least 5 Manimals in a row can increase your heart rate and simulate 20 mins of brisk walking. Combine tips like this with the systems we have in place and I’m sure Lahaina will stay safe no matter what happens.

STORYLINE

Concern Over Veilcorp’s 127 Surplus Grows As Lanai Wildfires Continue

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Unusually high winds and fast-burning trees are making it almost impossible for firefighters to contain the wildfires that are running rampant on Lanai. For the past 3 days, the fires have burned despite the best efforts of officials and first responders, covering the island with smoke, ash, and soot. Now, with the fire only 30% contained, many worry that strong winds may carry embers across the Auʻau Channel to the Lahaina area. While such an event would put fragile parts of the preservation zone in jeopardy, losing trees in the protected area isn’t the biggest concern. Many are worried about Veilcorp warehouses filled with the volatile element 127.

Plumes of smoke and ash have bellowed from the rampaging fire over the weekend. Stretching from Paliakoe Gulch to Kahinahina Ridge, the fire has destroyed over 500 acres of woodlands and is spreading slowly East. While few homes have been damaged in the sparsely inhabited areas of Lanai, the flames and smoke can be seen across the channel from Lahaina, raising concerns over the safety of 127 stockpiles stored on the island.

Veilcorp COO Lisa Hunt says that she understands the concern, but says the public is safe, sighting government regulations about the storage of 127 and strict company guidelines. “We actually go above and beyond what we’re required to do. Many of us live in the Lahaina area too, and I assure you that safety is first and foremost on our minds,” Hunt says.

“The Maui Conservation and Recovery Act put strict rules in place regarding the storage of 127, as well as limits on the amount of the element stored in one place. While those regulations are enough to guarantee the safety of all, we take extra steps to protect against worst-case scenarios. Virtually all the 127 stored on the island currently is in secure underground storage facilities. These warehouses can protect against flood, fire, earthquake, and even a missile attack. They’re designed to last through an apocalypse; there’s no safer place on Earth. If the fires do somehow spread to Maui, the 127 we have stored here won’t be a concern”

However, not everyone is convinced. Kimberly Hekili, Lahaina Conservation Association (LCA) spokesperson says that there is no safe way to store 127. According to her, “Veilcorp has always thumbed its nose at regulations and done what it considers best for its bottom line. These so-called secure warehouses have not been tested in any meaningful way, and we still don’t fully understand the many dangers offered by 127. Anytime the wind has changed in the past few days the emergency sirens along the Honoapiilani Highway have sounded. It’s obvious that the government knows something that they don’t want the public to know. We recommend that the public do what they can to ensure their safety without counting on help or honesty from their elected officials.”

Mayor Cravalho’s calls Hekili’s statements, “reckless, unhelpful, and bordering on the paranoid.” He says the entire Lahaina Fire Department is keeping a close eye on the situation on Lanai. He adds, “I’m proud to say that the LFD has some of the most highly trained emergency specialists anywhere in the world. They have been trained in the safe handling of 127, and in recognizing 127 enhanced fires. They are more than capable of handling any situation, and I’m confident in their capabilities.” In addition, numerous citizen groups have been organized by his office to patrol areas of the preservation zone looking for any airborne embers. “In the highly unlikely event that something does cross the channel from Lanai, I’m confident that we’ll be able to deal with it before any lasting damage is done.”

Local reality TV and streaming star Randy Wilcox, is heading up one of the volunteer patrols, and says that Lahaina residents can sleep well knowing that groups like his are working around the clock. “First and foremost I want the public to know that Randy and the Extinguishers are doing everything we can to raise their spirits and watch for fires. If there’s anyone on the island who knows just how out-of-hand a fire or explosion can get, it’s me! The mayor was nice enough to lend us a fleet of the public Manimal ATVs for as long as the crisis lasts. They’ve been helpful in covering ground and a great asset for our shows. In addition to guarding the forest, Randy and the Extinguishers have been burning up the beach three times a day, with the greatest display of precision driving and creative stunt work, anywhere on the island. With all the doom and gloom of the past few days we thought the residents could use a few awesome jumps in their day. We try to add a little something different to every show, but the ember patrols cut pretty deep into our planning and practice time. Still, I’m as proud of our near crashes, as I am our flawless flips. We’re providing quality entertainment while we protect our most fragile areas.”