STORYLINE

Reality Machine Recipes: Hikeway tactical backpack

Hikeway Tactical Backpack
Average Customer rating: 3.5/5
Description:
6 x 14 x 18 inches. 1.5 kg in weight. Capacity 30L. Assembles in minutes. Power fabric makes it easy to wirelessly charge electrical devices. Snap hubs make attaching Hikeway solar panels a breeze. Water resistant, anti-wrinkle, anti-scratch with multi-buckle design for customizable fit. Anti-theft zippers with large secondary pouches. Insulated main compartment keeps drinks cool.
3 areas of thick padding for comfort, breathability and maximum back support while traveling. Dark colors and low profile provides night cover and smaller silhouette. This backpack is perfect for weekend trips, short night excursions, or for a sleek look when heading to the office or school.

Recent User Reviews

5/5 Definitely Worth the Time and Effort.

By Thatwalkingguy on August 11, 2048
“First RM recipe I’ve tried and couldn’t be more pleased! Easy and quick to put together as advertised. Zippers and buckles all work well and seem to be constructed well. One of the most comfortable backpacks I own. Insulated pouch kept my Manimal cold after 2 hours of hiking. Haven’t tried attaching solar panels but the fabric itself was sufficient to keep my phone charged. Being a tactical pack it’s not for long trips but is perfect for a day or two alone in the wilderness. I would definitely try out other Hikeway recipes!”

2 /5 No Substitutes?
By craftgal on July 14, 2048
“Tried to substitute materials like I have done MANY times before with other projects but wasn’t allowed to. WTF!! I just wanted to make the body out of glass so I could see inside. With the see-through craze going on now I can’t imagine why this isn’t allowed. I should be able to have a glass backpack if I want. LAME!!!!!!”

3 /5 Hikeway Doesn’t Know What Words Mean
By HarryG on August 3, 2048
“Tried out this recipe for a specific trip with the guys. It was very easy to put together and felt comfortable on my back. Chose this model for its size and claims of water resistance. We were taking a 3 day canoeing trip so weight and water were definitely going to be an issue. Packed my usual camping gear and included an old tablet filled with all the great buddy canoeing movies I could think of. First night was fine. Nobody could stop talking about the movie from the previous night. One of my buddies was arguing with me about why I’d show a certain movie because he doesn’t understand theme trips. While I was trying to explain to him that nobody was going to have to squeal on this trip if I had anything to say about it, the canoe flipped and into the river I went, pack and all.

I got out of the river ok but it took a while to find my backpack. It was trapped against a rock and had the river pushing against it for almost an hour before we found it. We made camp to let me dry off and I discovered the inner pouch was full of water. The tablet was ruined so we had to spend the rest of the trip talking or listening to the sounds of the woods at night instead of watching my theme movies.

Water resistant means that something is resistant to water to me. Whether it be a light rain, a spilled bottle of water, or a river pumping thousands of gallons a minute this bag should have kept the water out. I would suggest the official description make note of exactly how much water is too much so others aren’t duped like I was.”

5/5 Everything Promised and More
By Megand on August 2, 2048
“Good product easy to put together. Very Comfortable. No problems, exactly what I’ve come to expect from Hikeway.”

4 /5 Good Product
By tritun on July 2, 2048
“Good recipe. Easy to make and lightweight. Wish it came in different colors. Would build again.”

3 /5 Keep the Sponsored “Suggestions” To Yourselves!
By harshner on July 21, 2048

“I find it hilarious that there is a blatant ad in the product description. The rules clearly state that descriptions should be concise, and void of advertisements. Unless you’re in charge of multiple devices or trying to power something big there is no need for you to buy one of Hikeway’s overpriced solar panels. Even if you did need more power, I don’t know why you’d use ancient solar technology instead of paying a few dollars more for a kinetic charger. It’s like this bag is marketed to cavemen or something instead of people who know anything about the technology of the past 10 years. If you’re going to try to slip an ad in, please make it for something a modern person would actually want.”

4 /5 Good Product Terrible Support
By user8 on August 17, 2048
“Was raised by my grandfather and learned a lot from him. He’d take me hiking all the time up by his cabin. His favorite spot was a few days hike to a little lake called Cloud Lake nestled in the mountains. I learned about life, love, and about what it takes to be a responsible adult coming down that trail. He never expected to be raising another kid during his retirement and I never expected to be in the situation I was.

He never complained once and I never felt like I wasn’t wanted or cared for. It could have gone really bad, but it didn’t thanks to him. When he passed and I learned that his last wishes were to have his ashes spread over the shores of Cloud Lake I didn’t hesitate. The truth is I owed him much more than carrying him one last time to the place we loved, but it was a start.

As others have said the pack was really easy to put together and was very comfortable. I have zero issues with this backpack itself. The only thing that would have protected his urn from the fall I took is a metal case. I’m not upset that when I opened the bag I found his ashes all over. I did the best I could and spread what I could gather up inside the bag but I evidently didn’t get all of it.

A few days later I found the copy of The Count of Monte Cristo he had given me in the bag. I didn’t think much of it and put it back on the shelf, but that was just the beginning. The next day the bag was on my bed and the book was inside again. I live alone and this was starting to freak me out. I put the book on the shelf again and threw the bag in my trunk. The next morning the backpack was sitting on my passenger seat.

I knew what had happened. Some of grandpa is still in the bag and he wants me to bring him to the lake. The problem is the bag looks clean to me. I called Hikeway multiple times now but they just put me on hold or in one case, hung up and laughed. This is not a laughing matter to me. I have a beautifully made bag that is haunted now and I can’t get anyone from the company to give me a solution. If you’re looking for a company that stands behind their products no matter what, look someplace else!”

2 /5 Bad Attitudes and False Allegations!
By dadface on July 3, 2048
“I’m not sure what anti-theft zippers are but my toddler seems to be able to use them and he’s not a master thief! I’m surprised that these kind of allegations would make it through your marketing department. This is NOT how you treat a customer!”

5/5 Good Project For the Whole Family
BY craftB on July 11, 2048
“Easy to build, great product perfect for day trips with the kids.”

4 /5 No Complaints
By anonymous on July 23, 2048
“Light weight and durable as advertised.”

5/5 Perfect for Day Trips
By Happycamper on August 7, 2048
“Power fabric works great and can power my wife and I’s devices. Good for easy to moderate hiking. One of the best recipes I’ve tried.”

2 /5 You Need To be an Engineer To Use This Thing!
By gertyF on August 28, 2048
“Takes too much time to build, I’m not an idoit!!!!!“

3 /5 Too Small
By longweekend on July 19, 2048
“Not big enough for a serious hiker.”

2 /5 Black but Not Cool!
By DaddyOh on July 11, 2048
“My stepdaughter is going through a black period right now. Her hair’s black. Her lips and nails are black. Her clothes are black, even her shoes. The music coming out of her room sounds like a combination of a cat wailing and a funeral dirge. When I asked her what was going on she said that she was sick of being my cookie cutter perfect daughter and wanted to be able to express herself and be unique. All of her friends act and dress the same.

They make me drop them off a few blocks before every destination so they won’t have to be seen with me. I’m trying, I really am. I just don’t understand why someone would look at the rosy hue of a young girl’s cheek and say, “You know what would look good there? A silver skull piercing.” I’m baffled as to why that piercing would be so expensive.

She refuses to use the school bag I got her last year and with the amount I’m paying for little silver skulls and all things dark, I was looking to save a little money. When I saw this Hikeway bag I thought I had the perfect solution. I could print out the pieces and build it myself so it would be cheap. It was black just like everything she loves. It had an insulated pouch to keep drinks cold because suburban suffering is thirsty work. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

She screamed that I didn’t understand her, that the bag was anything but cool because of something about the buckles, and that I’m always trying to buy her love. If you are going to have something that looks cool but actually isn’t there should be some sort of warning. It’s hard enough being a parent without keeping track of what makes a bag cool or not. It’s Hikeway’s job to let consumers know things like this and they dropped the ball big time.”

5/5 Would buy Again
By Daughteroh on July 12, 2048
“A++ Would buy again. Leave me alone, you’re not even my real dad.”

STORYLINE

Turn Your Backyard Into a Paradise With Pacific Home Tiki Torches

Pacific Home Handcarved Wooden Tiki Torch
Average Customer rating: 4.5/5
Description:
Turn your backyard into a Hawaiian paradise with Pacific Home’s unique tiki torches. Summertime in your backyard is meant to be enjoyed with friends and family. Nothing transports you to a relaxing island destination like the natural flame ambience of Pacific Home handcarved torches. It’s convenient and easily converts from a full-sized torch to a mid-sized garden torch. The adjustable stand allows you to set the height you prefer. Remove the pole completely, and Pacific Home torches become a beautiful centerpiece that will be the highlight of any Luau, or use it at its maximum 68-in height to light up your entire backyard. Two different handcarved wooden faceplates add just the right mood to any occasion. These durable torches hold 12-oz. of fuel, offering up to six hours of burn time. Pacific Home torches come with flame resistant guard, fiberglass wicks for long life, and an iron snuffer to put out the flame once the party’s over. We are a small family-run business that relies on our reputation for quality products and our customer’s word of mouth to succeed. If you enjoy our torches please leave a review below. We thank you for choosing Pacific Home for your entertainment needs!

Recent User Reviews

5/5 Great For Rekindling That Fire.
By Pearlmarmalade on August 11, 2045
“I met Vivian when I was stationed in Hawaii. It was the early 90’s. I was in the Navy, and we were just kids. Everyone dressed like unemployed lumberjacks in those days and we took our malaise seriously. Eventually we grew up, decided life wasn’t that unfair after all, and fell in love. We were married 5 years to the day after we met. We had a great life. More ups than downs, and we raised well adjusted kids who gave us a handful of grandchildren to spoil. All in all, nobody could reasonably ask for a better life. However, age creeps up on everyone and slows certain parts of a marriage down, but I’m just old, not dead. I decided to order a set of your torches for our anniversary, and try to recreate a little of that island magic Vivian and I used to make when we were young. I set everything up while she was out with her knitting group and surprised her when she got home. She took one look, and walked straight back into the house. At first I thought she was mad that I had spent so much on decorating the backyard, then I heard the grunge music from inside the house. After a few minutes she came back out wearing nothing but my old flannel shirt. I tried to help her across the yard so she wouldn’t hurt her hip again, but she stopped me and told me to sit down. I’ll spare you the details, but it was like we were 18 again. The sun was coming up by the time we went inside. There are a couple chairs out there that we can’t let the grandkids sit in anymore. Your torches rekindled a fire in my marriage. Thanks Pacific Home!”

5/5Great Product Easy To Use
By anonymous on July 12, 2045
“The carvings look great, the construction first rate and it’s a great deal for the price. I host many themed parties throughout the year and Pacific Home products are a staple of my Polynesian events.”

4/5 Great Torch but Needs Fuel.
By MegandU on August 11, 2045
“I purchased a set of these tiki torches for an outdoor party and they were a hit. All my guests commented on how beautiful the were and they were easy to use. I was dubious of the claim of a 6 hour burn time, but was pleasantly surprised to find that my torches actually burned over 7. My only complaint is that they came empty and I had to rush out and buy fuel in order to use them. They should mention that in the description.”

5/5 Critical Reading
By PacificJerry on August 11, 2045
“Thank you for purchasing our product. I’m glad your guests could recognize a quality product when they saw it. I just have one question for you. Do you know how to read? There is no mention of fuel being included anywhere in the description. Are you accustomed to getting bonus items with every purchase you make? When you buy dishes do you assume that flatware is included? How about you take a little time and actually read a product description before running your mouth and trying to hurt an honest business.”

2/5 Even Uglier Than the Pictures
By Tritun on August 23, 2045
“On word, ugly! I’m not sure who would want to look at the faces on these things. Whoever carved these needs to seek out professional help.”

5/5 What Have Your Created?
By PacificJerry on August 23, 2045
“How about this; never buy another product from my company again! Better yet give me your order number and I’ll make sure and ban your address and credit card. I doubt very seriously that you have ever channeled anything creative with your words, thoughts, or hands. Are you some kind of great sculptor? Are you the next Rodin? I doubt it very seriously. Crawl back under you rock and leave the artistic critiques to people qualified to give an opinion.”

3/5 Ruined My Drapes
By user8 on August 03, 2045
“I removed the pole as suggested and used the torch as an accent table lamp. Unfortunately the fuel burns very dirty and soon my entire room stunk of lamp oil. The torches also produced a dark colored smoke that permeated my curtains and won’t come out no matter how many times I was them.”

5/5 Get Help!
By PacificJerry on August 03, 2045
“I’m going to need you to compile a list of all your friends and neighbors so we can setup a schedule and make sure there is someone around to watch over you. It sounds like you aren’t equipped to live on your own. Why in the world would you put an open flame near curtains. It’s people like you who ruin things for everyone. If I looked up “Lowest Common Denominator” I’m sure I’d see your picture at the top of the entry. I don’t think you’re equipped to make adult choices. I assume your life must be a long series of terrible decisions. I suggest that you sign over power of attorney before you do yourself irreparable harm.”

5/5 Made Me King of the Block
By Longweekend on July 06, 2045
“I knew I’d have to up the ante if I was going to compete with the Johnson’s 4th of July program from last year; so I decided to try something new for the annual block party. I ordered 60 of these torches, and shipped in enough sand to ring the cul-de-sac. I brought in live musicians and roasted a whole pig on the faux beach. I alternated face plates every other torch and kept the whole neighborhood lit up all night. Even though I went a little over budget with the fireworks and we have to put off our family vacation, it was worth it to see the look on Johnson’s face. He’s going to have to take out a loan next year if he wants to compete.”

0/5 Evening Everything Out
By Harshner on August 25, 2045
“Has anyone else noticed that Jerry rates his product 5/5 while he yells at customers, artificially inflating the rating of his merchandise. I have good taste so I haven’t purchased a tiki torch, but thought I’d go ahead and try and make the rating correct by cancelling him out. “

5/5 Setting the Record Straight
By PacificJerry on August 25, 2045
“I’m not artificially doing anything. I’m just trying to provide an honest reflection of our torches without the taint of idiots like you. Consider yourself banned. “

3/5 Burned My Hand
By TSmelliot on August 27, 2045
“Let me start off by saying that I loved these torches. They were well made and easy to put together. They burned longer than promised and were a hit at my party. Everything was great until it was time to put them out. I can’t stress how important it is to use the snuffer provided. I wish Pacific Home put a little more effort in explaining the dangers of trying to use your fingers to put out the flames. The doctor says my hand will have to remain bandaged for at least 2 weeks but I’m lucky in that there is no permanent damage. Please include a proper warning in the packaging or print one on the outside of the box.”

5/5 Warning: Fire Is Hot!
By PacificJerry on August 27, 2045
“In case you missed it in the title, fire is hot! Here are a couple other tips: You can’t breathe for very long underwater, jumping off a building is not a good way to get your foot into a tight shoe, and never shoot a mosquito off your arm with a shotgun. We should include a proper warning about how hot fire is? Really? Cavemen mastered fire but its properties have somehow remained a mystery to you? You’re not going to believe how easy things get for you once you understand the intricacies and wonders of the wheel. Seriously, how did you manage to type this review? Did someone help you with their magic talking machine?”

5/5 Stop It!
By PacificNeal on August 27, 2045
“That’s enough Jerry! I know you’re President of the company, but as you say all the time, “We are a small family-run business that relies on our reputation for quality products and our customer’s word of mouth to succeed.” You are killing us. Yes, people are sometimes malicious and say outrageous things. People also sometimes have opinions that are different from yours. Not everything is a personal attack. We’ve talked about this again and again. The whole family counts on this business for a living and your overreactions are putting the business in jeopardy. We all love and respect you but please let someone else handle the social stuff. I’m telling you as a member of the family and as a friend, you need to stop reading and answering reviews, not just for you, but for all of us.

5/5 When You’re Right You’re Right
By PacificJerry on August 27, 2045
“Neal, you were the only one who was brave enough to tell me that Julie was wrong for me. I was mad as hell at you at the time, but later I realized that you were the only one to tell me the truth. That’s what you’ve done our whole life. That’s why I think of you as a brother and not just a cousin. You’ve helped me grow his company from a few shelves in my garage to an enterprise that could make a better future for the whole family. You’ve always put the business first and that’s why I could always count on you when there was a decision to make. I can’t express how much your devotion has meant to me, but as you said, I’m the President of this company and you have overstepped your bounds for the last time. When you’re right, you’re right. I’m right and you are wrong. I’m never going to let the trolls and haters hurt our reputation. I don’t know when you stopped caring but I think it’s clear that you have. To suggest that fighting for my company is somehow hurting it, lets me know how clouded your thinking has become. I’ll give you until the end of the day to clean out your desk.

5/5 Coolest Thing I Have Ever Seen
By Harshner2 on August 27, 2045
“I take back everything I said before. That is one of the coolest things I have ever seen. I don’t even care that you banned me. If you’re looking to fill the position, I’d be interested in taking over Neal’s job.

STORYLINE

Review of Veil of Terror: A Bride’s Nightmare

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Veil of Terror: A Bride’s Nightmare, is the first movie made by Layla Kalani’s production company and marks the actorial debut of the surfing champion. Following in the footsteps of many other celebrities, Layla has decided to dip her toes in the movie-making waters. Unfortunately for her, it is a complete wipe out. More adept at wrestling sharks than convincingly expressing an emotion, Layla has created a film that no parent would want to give away.

I have little doubt that Veil of Terror will become successful but not for the reasons its backers hope. For generations to come, this movie will be watched by people trying to prove their patience and resolve. One can only assume that the film began as a dare that nobody had the sense to decline. The story unfolds like a collection of fever dreams, and the acting is valiant but flat. The decision to shoot the entire movie with handheld cameras to give it an “authentic” look, makes the whole affair feel like a shotgun wedding.

I normally try to avoid giving spoilers during a review, but the idea that anything I could say would “spoil” this summer stinker is ridiculous. Some of you are undoubtedly thinking that I am being overly critical and unfair to Ms. Kalani. Surely, it couldn’t be any worse than the normal straight to streaming fare offered during peak movie months. That’s where you’re wrong. Let me try and explain what you’re in for should you choose to pay for Veil. Spoliers ahead!

Layla plays the lead character, a marine biologist and surfing enthusiast named Brandy Boudreau. Brandy spends long portions of her day staring silently out at the ocean. What she is thinking, if anything at all, is anyone’s guess. Her high school sweetheart Luis Laraoux, played by Mitch Carson, works in environmental clean-up. He specializes in cleaning oil off birds. When he doesn’t have the look of a pet that knows he’s made a mess in the house and is waiting to be scolded, Luis spends his time scrubbing pelicans and lamenting the decline of oil spills. Seriously!

You see, Laraoux comes from a long line of bird cleaners. His father washed off wildlife as did his father’s father. The world is changing for Luis and he doesn’t like it. In addition to the world, his relationship is in flux as well. Brandy doesn’t think that the technological advances that are putting her boyfriend out of business are a bad thing. In fact, she transports endangered turtles to remote locations across the globe with veil technology and is something of an expert in it (a plot point that will become important later in the movie.)

The increasingly agitated Luis and the staring obsessed Brandy begin to drift apart. Eventually she decides to leave Louisiana and Luis himself. The next 30 mins are a collection of unlikely chase scenarios. Brandy veils with her research to numerous locals to avoid him, only to find that Luis has followed her, and she must run away. He chases her in cars, on foot, on bicycles, along the beach, in the water, through all manner of stores, and finally straight into a police station, where he is arrested. Carson does an admirable job of trying to carry this gigantic mess across the threshold of decency during these segments but is unable to preserve his honor.

Fast forward 5 years and we find ourselves in Lahaina. We see Brandy running towards a man on the beach and jumping into his arms. When he lifts her off the ground and spins we see it is Luis but with facial hair. While you’re still scratching your head, it is revealed that this isn’t Luis after all, but her fiancee Tim. He only looks like Luis. He looks like Luis because he is played by the same actor, Mitch Carson. I can’t begin to understand the decision behind casting the same actor to play both male leads. I considered for a moment that it served as some sort of story telling device or allegory that was simply beyond my understanding, but there is so much about this movie that I don’t understand, that I gave up.

A number of improbable events occur leading up to Brandy’s wedding, including a new neighbor moving next door who happens to look like Luis with dreadlocks. At this point there was an audible groan in the theater. As you may have already guessed the guy turns out to be her stalker ex with different hair. For someone who spends so much time in the movie silently staring at things, Brandy’s facial recognition skills are exceedingly poor.

A number of creepy or inappropriate interactions between the new neighbor and Brandy take place, including the discovery of an old picture of her in Louisiana. She never quite seems to recognize Louis underneath his corded hair though. Much to the joy of everyone who has sat through the previous 90 minutes, Brandy’s wedding day finally arrives. Luis reveals to her what has been painfully obvious to everyone and attempts to kidnap her.

Another long chase sequence ensues. This time the audience is treated to a run through some of Lahaina’s most recognizable spots including an almost 3 minute long zipline scene. I don’t think I have the language to properly describe the thrill of watching 100 nauseating seconds of straight line, harnessed pursuit. You might ask yourself why in the world someone would take the time to get into a harness if they are running for their lives, but that is only because you didn’t write Veil of Terror.

The movie mercifully ends at just under 2 hours after Brandy tricks Luis and sends him through the veil after doing something to his DNA profile. What comes out the other end is a perfect metaphor for the movie. Watching a sports legend being chased around in a wedding dress was more painful than sitting through a drunk uncle’s toast about how attractive a new bride is. Veil of Terror is a bouquet of bad writing, feckless acting, and poor decisions that nobody would want to catch.

STORYLINE

Bobblehead Hula Girl Review

If you love your family DO NOT buy this product!!!!!!

I’d like to start off this review by stating that we are moral people who not only speak about family values, we live them. But this gyrating harlot idol was almost the end of us.

My parents had planned a 50th anniversary trip to Hawaii for a few years, and I thought it would be neat to get them something for the trip. After talking it over with the other gals at the hairdressers, I decided on something a little risque but fun, a hula girl. It arrived very promptly and the issues began almost immediately.

Her skirt was pulled apart in an indecent manner by the bubble wrapping and her bosom was so ample that it made my 16-year-old blush as I unwrapped her. Worse still was the vulgar smile painted across her face. The product pictures showed a cute little grin, and not the curled red leer that I was looking at.

My son soon began to have an unnatural attraction to the toy. I can’t count how many times I’d come home with groceries to find him pushing on her belly and sitting hypnotized by her gyrations. Then she “malfunctioned” when he played with her. She bent over at the waist and stayed there. At the same time, her head tipped back with it’s painted, hungry grin. There it sat in front of my son staring him in the eye, with a direct look at where her demon purse should be. I almost dropped my coffee.

I grabbed it and brought it into my bedroom. When I calmed down, I set her on the nightstand and pushed her. I shook her, held her upside down, anything I could think of to make her “malfunction” again, but she wouldn’t. I put her in my closet to think what to do next. I didn’t tell my husband when he got home because I didn’t want to worry him. I figured we’d just have a nice evening together and deal with the ugliness in the morning. I should have known better.

When I woke up that night, the first thing I noticed was that Frank was not in bed. I saw a light in the bathroom and asked if he was OK. When he didn’t answer I got up to check. I found the bathroom empty, but noticed that the counter was covered in what looked like brush bristles. When I looked closer, I discovered that they were actually tiny plastic blades of grass. I felt my stomach drop and the panic started again. I looked out the window and saw that someone was in the garage. I ran downstairs and opened the garage door. What I saw horrified me.

Frank had his back to me facing the shelves. At eye level, there she was “malfunctioning” again. Bent over, head looking over her shoulder, smiling crude promises, she remained for a few seconds as I called his name. Finally, he turned around and I could tell he didn’t know where he was. Behind him she returned to her normal posture. I marched right past him and grabbed the plastic homewrecker. I took her straight out to the garbage can and put her where she belonged, with the other trash. I went back inside, told Frank to get to bed and grabbed a beach chair. I sat out there until the morning when the garbage man came. I knew I couldn’t chance it.

We’re still getting over the ordeal. My son’s grades have slipped a bit, but I understand how confusing all of this was for him. Society has no shortage of tantalizing traps for young men, I blame myself for bringing another temptation into our home. Frank and I are working through it. He says he doesn’t remember much, and I am thankful for that. Needless to say mom and dad went to Hawaii without anything but our good wishes. Please don’t make the same mistake as I did, by buying this flowered family killer!