Greg Iona: Restored From Backup

This was not how I imagined my day would start. She says her name is Saraphim, and that the world as we know it is gone. She says something about backups, and Ambassador class accounts and some other stuff, but my head is spinning. My body feels strange. I turn around and recognize where I am for the first time and can’t quite believe it. She’s telling the truth. I’m about half a mile away from the veil station. Everything is ruined.

I realize I’m saying “What happened,” over and over again. She keeps telling me, but I can’t process it yet. It’s over 60 years later, but I don’t remember anything about…the veils fractured!?. She says she restored me from backup. I must have died. I don’t remember dying. I’m not even sure that I’m really me. I don’t know what I’d think if I was a religious man. She says there’s lots more people waiting and needs me to walk around, make sure my body is working correctly. She wants me to see what I can find and if there’s any survivors. I look around. My eyes hurt, but I see something in the distance. It’s a beached whale and there’s someone near it. I start walking.

The smell is almost over powering. I get close and see that there’s actually someone inside the body cavity and more people around. It’s some kind of bar. There’s a sign that says “Rita’s Refreshments”. They stare at me as I walk up. I take a seat on a stool. “We’re all out of Scrimshawberry,” the woman says before pushing a glass of something greenish blue at me. She says it’s 10 rai, but I don’t have whatever that is, and I give her my hat instead. They call the drink Whalmanimal. My mouth rejects the liquid as soon as it touches my tongue; it’s awful but my fellow patrons seem to like it. They compliment my clothes and ask if I want to sell or trade them and if I’m from Pu’u. I tell them no to both.

I ask if the DLNR came out to talk to her about the whale. She gives me a strange look and says she’s not interested in selling. I realize I haven’t heard an engine yet, seen a boat, or watched a drone fly by. I’m not sure what I can do here. I was once appointed to study the effects of 127 on the native flora and fauna. I think I can do the most good by looking around the beach and forest to assess the fracture’s impact the environment. My body is feeling better despite the fact that the first thing I had to drink in close to a century was this murky swill.

After a few miles of walking, I find a gigantic banyan tree, at least twice the size it should be. Everything else seems normal at first. I find ohi’a and rattlesnake plants and watch a red-crested cardinal for a few minutes. I close my eyes and listen to the song of a saffron finch. Maybe nature withstood the fracture better than people did. I walk a few more hours in the forest when I see them, and I stop dead in my tracks .

There’s three of them, whatever they are. I assume the two facing off and circling are males fighting for the attention of the less colorful female. They look like wild pigs but are covered in some kind of carapace. Their eyes are on stalks like a crab or prawn. I can’t get over how shiny and colorful their shells are, they sparkle when the sun catches them just right. They just keep circling and occasionally butting heads. I don’t move because I don’t know if they’re dangerous. If this is what happened to the pigs, I don’t want to see what happened to the geese. There were many reports of them getting more aggressive back in my time. Who knows what they might be capable of now.

The sun will be down in a few hours. I decide to walk back to the whale and figure out where I’m going to sleep for the night when I hear a cry. I recognize it. It’s an axis deer alarm call, but it keeps going. Something has the deer scared. Despite my better judgement I walk towards the sound. The forest is very thick here, and fog is coming in, making it hard to see. The deer keeps calling and it sounds like I’m getting close. I stop to untangle some vines from around my boot when I feel him grab me. He puts his hand over my mouth and pulls me down. I start to fight back but he’s stronger. I turn my head and see that he has a finger up to his mouth, urging me to be quiet. I calm down and he points ahead.

I might have missed them if I was still walking. A pack of wolves is working their way across the ridge ahead. It’s hard to tell how many in the fog but it’s at least 6. The deer keeps calling and it sounds close now. The wolves look hungry and I turn to thank whoever this is. There isn’t much I could tell Saraphim from inside a wolf’s belly. That’s when I notice he’s still pointing at something else in the forest, just beyond the wolves.

I still don’t see anything, but the fog is really thick now and it sounds like the deer is only yards away. I notice the fog swirl a bit before I see it. It’s like the forest comes alive around the lead wolf. It’s a tangle of leaves, vines, and teeth. One of the wolves is hurled through the air and the rest run off. I watch it stand up in front of the pack leader. It’s a woman covered in leaves and vines. For a minute I think she’s wearing some kind of ghillie suit until I see the vines dig their way into the side of the wolf. I’m too scared to move. She leans over the animal and mimics a bird call as she feeds on him. I let out a gasp and she looks our way. She opens her mouth and lets out a deer call followed by a loud hissing noise. I don’t know if I stood up on my own or if he picked me up. I just remember running and screaming every time a vine hit my face.

His name is Laki and his people are called the Kanaka. The thing we ran from is a Green Lady, and from the way everyone looked at us when he told the story, we were lucky to make it back to the village alive. They ask me if I’m from Pu’u as well, but some seem happy when I tell them no. This is a strange place. I see people walking around with shark-toothed clubs and night vision goggles. I watch a group of them invoke the spirits to keep the green lady away and draw warnings in the sand before cooking their food in a flash oven. I listen a lot and say very little. I think that’s best until I figure out the situation. Laki says that he’ll take me to Pu’u in the morning, but for now I’m going to have a meal and try to get some rest. Here’s what I’ve learned so far. Being restored from backup makes your body tingle for a few hours, but everything seems to be working fine now. The power grid seems to be gone and working technology seems to be rare. Food and water must be scarce because people are drinking some sort of disgusting Manimal knock-off inside the body of a dead whale. Oh, and monsters are real now! It’s been a hell of a first day back, Saraphim.

We’re Launching the First New Manimal Product in Almost a Century

Over 95 years ago the cure for thirst was discovered and Manimal was introduced to the public. Perhaps the most recognized brand in the world, Manimal dominated the sports drink market up to the fracture and beyond. The popular beverage could be found in almost every kitchen and the company hosted numerous competitive events worldwide. Even today, the drink remains one of the most sought-after items on the island because of its amazing rehydration properties, excellent packaging, and amazing shelf life.

It’s been 90 years since the company released its last line of products. Manimal spray promised those brave enough to use it, “Instant Maximum Hydration” and was a modest success for the company. Plagued with a number of lawsuits and government inquiries, time caught up to the company and it was never able to release another formula before the great accident but thanks to the help of our fellow Merchant Association member Rita Olu’olu that is about to change.

Rita’s Refreshments has been one of the most popular stops for a beverage for years. Her understanding of flavors and eye for branding has made her shop a top earner since she opened. Her “Turtle Juice” was the surprise hit of last year’s Lava Sledding Championships and won her many fans. Now, with our help, Rita is set to unveil her very own line of Manimal drinks.

Brewed inside the remains of a whale, 100% natural, and offering drinkers a “Lahaina sleigh ride to refreshment”. Whalanimal is available in 2 taste-bud-busting flavors: Benthic Blue and Scrimshawberry, the beverage is sure to change the way visitors battle thirst across the island.

The genesis of Whalanimal is a whale of a tale that our research shows is best left untold. While the unique process of brewing and mixing inside a cetacean carcass provides a perfectly safe and surprisingly delicious product, it remains distasteful to a large number of potential customers. If pressed on details we’ve found it best to avoid focusing on specific aspects of the process. Instead, let the taste and effects of the product breach any walls of doubt your patron might have.

The creation of Whalanimal is no fluke. We’ve worked for months with Rita to create a drink that not only lives up to the high expectations set by the original but blows a hole in them. Powered by the sun, and fortified with nutrients from deep inside the animal, this Manimal packs a whale of a boost. Our baleen to canteen filtration system ensures a quality product free of the large particles one might expect in a naturally brewed sports drink.

I know some of you have expressed concerns that we may have swallowed more than we could chew by trying to reboot the Manimal franchise. All I ask is that you give it a try. I could sit here all day blubbering about how excited I am, but words can’t describe the jolt you get after your first taste of Whalanimal.

Don’t leave your customers stranded on thirsty shores. Place your orders now. Once people learn that they can “Live like a Manimal” again without the fear of running out, the demand is sure to be high. Whales are known as the monarchs of the sea, and this new beverage is sure to become the king of refreshments.