The Lahaina Lava Sledding Championships

The Lahaina Merchants Association would like to invite you to the most exciting sporting event on the island, the 46th annual Lahaina Lava Sled Championships. Teams from all over the island compete each year to claim the Ikaika cup, but this year is special. Two local teams will be vying for glory and bragging rights. In two short weeks the Pu’u Blue Wolves will take on the Ka’anapali Screaming Nenes to see who is the fastest downhill.

As you all know lava sledding, or as the Kānaka say He’e hōlua, is an ancient sport well over 1,000 years old. The activity was seen as both a sport and a religious rite by early Hawaiians. With courses ranging greatly in size from a few hundred yards to miles, the practice was as popular as surfing when it was begun. Over the years it’s popularity grew and waned with cultural changes. A resurgence began in the early 2000’s and like most things, the activity was almost lost after the fracture.

Little has changed with the sport since its inception. Participants build a sled, or papa hōlua, and ride it down a prepared track. Traditionally, these sleds were 12’ long, 6 inches wide and made of wood. Riders would hold the sleds in front of them and run towards a specially prepared racing path. The tracks were composed of a foundation of gravel covered in sand or dirt with a top layer of grass or flowers. Racers would throw down the sleds at the beginning of the course, and ride them standing, crouching, or more commonly laying down, all the way to the bottom.

The modern unified rules allow sleds to be made of any material, although wood remains a popular choice. Sleds can be a bit longer as well, 14’ is now the maximum length, although a 6 inch width is still mandatory. The tracks and riding styles have remained the same through the years. Traditionally the length of a sledder’s run was measured to determine a winner, but since it’s been converted to a team sport, runs are timed. The team with the cumulative fastest 10 runs wins the day.

Like many things, we have Chief Ikaika to thank for the resurgence in popularity of the sport. After his successful campaign at Black Rock Beach, Ikaika used the traditional sport to keep ties strong between factions on the island. We think he’d be especially proud this year, as a classic match-up between power and finesse is sure to make for a memorable day.

The Pu’u Blue Wolves are back with a vengeance this year, hungry to once again display the Ikaika cup. Like their four-legged namesakes, the Blue Wolves rely on consistent speed and maneuverability to take out their opponents. Their fiberglass sled, and crouching riding style let them take curves at top speed and glide over any dips or irregularities in the course. The Blue Wolves are hungry, but the Nenes from Ka’anapali say their bark is worse than their bite.

The Screaming Nenes came out of nowhere this year to crush the competition. Highlighted by their thrashing of perennial favorites, the Luakoi Ridge Riders, the Nene’s have changed many minds about about what it takes to be a successful lava sled team. Focusing on traditional methods and materials, Ka’anapali has claimed many records and titles with their amazing run this season. They’ve managed to break the 100 km/h barrier a handful of times on their wooden sled this year. Retired sledding legend Rocky “Downhill” Hookeai says that the Nene riders are the quickest he’s ever seen adding, “They’re faster than a night marcher who stumbled into a Tapper camp.”

The Lahaina Championships are always an incredible event, but it is undeniable that this year may be one of the most exciting ever! Will raw power and speed beat finesse and skillful riding? Find out for yourself by being part of the story instead of just hearing about it the next day. A limited number of track-side seats are still available for 50 rai a piece, general admission tickets are 20. When your friends ask where you were on the day the greatest sporting event in history was held, tell them “I was 20’ away!”

Manimal “Victory Coolers” To Open When Lava Sledding Team Wins

Never one to shy away from an unusual promotion, or an outrageous marketing scheme, Manimal has announced that it will be converting the company’s numerous emergency coolers in Lahaina to “Victory Coolers.” Manimal CEO Spencer Kane says that like many, he was bitten by the Pu’u bug, and wants to help celebrate the high school lava sled team’s amazing year. When and if the Blue Wolves win this year’s upcoming State Championships, the company will automatically unlock all 14 coolers filled with the popular sports drink, and allow fans to celebrate with an ice cold Manimal.

Riding an unprecedented 7-year-long winning streak, the Pu’u Blue Wolves have the most dominant high school lava sledding team in Hawaiian history, and that success has cultivated a rabidly enthusiastic fan base. Last year’s captain Rocky “Downhill” Hookeai considers himself one of the most loyal members of the “Wolf Pack” and says he can’t wait to drink a victory Manimal with other fans.

“I know some of the celebrations might have gotten out of hand before, and people are worried that giving free energy drinks to someone who is already overly-excited might not be the best idea, but I think it’s a great! What other drink can compare to the thrill of flying down the side of a mountain at 60 mph standing on a wooden sled. It’s as intense as it gets, and I know that we’ll make it 8 times in a row this year. I can’t wait to hear the electromagnetic lock pop on one of those coolers. You can keep the champagne. The Wolf Pack celebrates with Manimal!”

Created as part of an infrastructure and sewer improvement contract won by the beverage company after hurricane Neki, Manimal installed the emergency coolers to provide residents with “extreme refreshment for extreme emergencies.” Almost eight feet tall, with magnetic locks, and filled with the popular energy drink, the coolers were designed to be remotely opened after a natural disaster or city-wide emergency. Kane said the coolers would help solve the two biggest problems with traditional emergency beverages: they’re warm, and they aren’t Manimal.

Many at the time derided the city council’s decision to approve the plan to dot the Lahaina landscape with emergency coolers filled with the sports drink. They pointed out that in an emergency, people use water to cook food and for sanitary purposes as well, not just quench their thirst. However, Mayor Albert Cravalho approved the measure saying, the company, “Did a terrific job showing their aloha spirit by rebuilding our waste water system at a greatly reduced price. I love the design of the branded manhole covers and sewer grates, and I’m confident the emergency coolers will be just as tastefully done. Look, it’s not like you can take a shower with a couple bottles of water anyway. I’m sure that anyone looking for something potable to drink after a hurricane would be thrilled to have a cold Manimal.”

However, Manimal does not have the best track record when it comes to promotions in its hometown. While very popular, the public ATV program still suffers from frequent technological problems over a decade after its unveiling. In addition, just a few days ago, a child somehow managed to open one of the coolers, and was trapped inside for almost an hour. Local resident Randy Wilcox was supervising the child at the time, and says he still has concerns.

“My sister sometimes has to work nights, so I watch my nieces for her during the day. They’re great girls. Megan is smart as a whip. Melissa is going to be a great musician one day. You wouldn’t believe what she can make a ukulele do. Then there’s Mandy. I wouldn’t say that I have a favorite, but Mandy is close to my heart. She reminds me a lot of myself at her age. She’s a little fireball.

Anyway, we were all walking along the beach looking for shells and shark teeth when Mandy ran towards one of the coolers. My sister has three rules for me when I’m with the kids: No playing with fireworks, no doing product reviews for my Glimpsea or YouTube channel, and absolutely no Manimal for the girls, especially Mandy. I know that those coolers only open in an emergency so I wasn’t too worried, and thought I’d let her stare at the designs for a while. But when I looked over there a few seconds later she was gone. I yelled but she didn’t answer, so we ran over and that’s when we could hear her. She got inside somehow.

I called the number of the side but the tech couldn’t open the lock. Meanwhile you could hear Mandy cheering and opening up cans in there. I told her not to drink any, but I might as well have told a fish not to swim. By the time the fire department got there and pried open the door she was bouncing around like a pinball. In less than 30 mins, she had drank over a dozen cans. While that may not be on the level of Tony “Half-Barrel” Kahale, it’s pretty impressive for a 6-year-old. I could hardly keep her sitting down when I was bringing her home from the hospital, and she jumped out of my truck before I was even parked in the driveway. I can only imagine what my sister dealt with that afternoon when I left. Hopefully, Manimal gets the bugs worked out before the weekend. Dealing with a jacked up first grader is one thing, but I’d hate to see what happens to Lahaina if the Blue Wolves win and the coolers don’t open.”

Pu’u Lava Sled Team Faces Cheating Allegations

Collegiate sports are a multibillion dollar industry in this country. With all that money at stake, cheating and ineligibility scandals have become all too common place. Many high profile schools have come under investigation, and the problem has begun to spread to other educational institutions. Recruiters are increasingly pressuring high school programs to cut corners and break rules in order to land the biggest and best upcoming prospects. Over the past few years a number of high school programs have come under fire, and now our own Pu’u Blue Wolves have joined that infamous club. The Hawaii High School Athletic Association (HHSAA) is looking into allegations that the Blue Wolve’s lava sledding team has been using its lectrotarp during competitions and not just during training.

Lava sledding, traditionally known as He’e hōlua, is well over 1,000 years old. Seen as both a sport and a religious rite by early Hawaiians, lava sledders race down courses of gravel, sand, and grass on long slender sleds. The sleds themselves are only 6 inches wide but can be as long as 14 feet. Sled riders can reach speeds of up to 100 km/h on courses that stretch for miles. The sport saw a huge resurgence beginning in the early 2000’s and remained pretty much the same since its inception until the introduction of lectrotarps in 2032.

Eectro-active carbon fiber tarps laid under courses promised to change the sport forever. Allowing a sledder to increase their speed by up to 50%, the tarps became a must have item for any serious lava sledding program. Records were being broken almost as fast as books could be printed, but an upwelling of outrage found the sport at a crossroads.

Many lovers of the sport pointed out its spiritual roots and said that the introduction of the tarps went against everything sledding represented. They argued that part of the sledding experience was the bravery shown by the rider testing the dangers of the slope and gravity, without the help of a charged electrical field. Proponents of the technology saw it as the next logical step in the sports evolution. They contended that every sport changes as technology allows: Football helmets are no longer made of leather, most hockey sticks are now made of carbographene instead of wood, and hi-tech shoes have changed the face of track and field. It was inevitable that lava sledding would undergo a technological renaissance as well they said.

In the end, with the help of a number of memorable accidents caused by increased speeds, the traditionalists won a partial victory. Active lectrotarps were banned during competitions but were allowed for training purposes. Virtually all schools with lava sledding programs have tarps under their courses and use them during practice. They argued that riders who are used to piloting faster sleds can more easily maneuver a slower sled during competition, leading to fewer injuries.

Schools are supposed to turn off their tarps during events and provide visiting teams proof that their systems are inactive. According to allegations, Pu’u Athletic director Pa’ani Mahelona not only activated the Blue Wolve’s tarp during runs, but he falsified tarp readings provided to opposing teams. In addition, it is alleged that Rocky “Downhill” Hookeai, the team’s captain, knew and participated in the scandal.

Because the investigation is ongoing, the HHSAA is providing few details. They confirm that they are “evaluating the veracity of claims brought against the Pu’u Blue Wolves lava sledding team regarding the use of active lectrotarps during sanctioned competitions,” but are saying little else. If the allegations are found true, the most dominate lava sledding team for the past 5 years could face serious consequences, including being permanently banned from the league. While this would be a disappointment to many high school athletes, it would be devastating for Hookeai, who is being courted by a number of colleges.

Athletic Director Mahelona released a brief statement regarding the potential scandal which reads, “We hold the integrity of our athletic programs and our young men and women in the highest regard at Pu’u. We categorically deny all of these unfounded allegations. All of our teams strive to represent the best in athletic competition. We hold honesty and fairness as core values. We do not cheat! Many of our students use athletics as a path for their future, and rumors such as these can cause serious harm down the road. I find it disturbing that these allegations have been leaked to the press without any proof to back them up. I’m confident that the HHSAA will clear us of any wrongdoing in a timely manner.”