Manimal Ends Free Drinks for Life Promotion After Too Many Fans Get Tattoos

Manimal has been forced to cancel a promotion offering free Manimal for life to Hawaiians willing to get a tattoo of “Major”, the company’s mascot, displayed in a prominent place on their bodies. The company claims it was unprepared for the number of fans wishing to participate, as well as complaints about a handful of teenagers getting tattoos in order to receive free drinks. Company CEO Spencer Kane says he regrets having to end the program, and hopes customers will understand.

The promotion was supposed to be simple. Get a tattoo of Major. Post a picture of it on social media tagging the company. Get 30 cans of Manimal every month for the next 100 years. However, the company was caught flat-footed just weeks after the initial announcement, when they were flooded by fans of tasty energy in a can, proudly displaying their tattoos. Over 10,000 Hawaiians got inked in the first few days alone, forcing the company to end the offer. “We were a victim of our own success,” says Kane.

“First and foremost I want to give a shout-out to everyone who was willing to permanently show their love for our drink on their body. To be honest, we were super surprise that so many of you were willing to have Major looking back at you in the mirror. In addition, we didn’t think it was physically possible for so many of you to get tatted up so quickly. Our bad. I know that we haven’t always had the best batting average with some of our promotions, but I feel like we hit this one out of the park. Unfortunately, it drifted foul. I’m meeting with our marketing and legal teams all week to figure out how we’ll make it up to everyone who got inked. Don’t worry; we’ll take another swing at it soon.”

While the promotion has been breaking the Manimal bank, it has been a boon for the island’s tattoo parlors and artists. Well-known body modifier and artist Rowan Hardy says his shop has been fully booked since the promotion began, but says he has mixed emotions about today’s announcement. “There’s no doubt that business has never been better. We haven’t even had time for walk-ins for months. It’s just too bad that everyone wants Major on their body for some free drinks. As an artist, it’s a little disappointing to see people fill in their canvas with something so commercial. When they come in I try to convince them to get forehead studs, a tongue splitting, or a full neck piece instead. You know, something they won’t look back on with regret down the road, but you have to please the customer. I just hope Manimal makes it right. There’s a lot of angry advertisements walking around Lahaina right now.”

Hardy isn’t exaggerating. Social media has not been kind to Manimal, or Kane himself following the cancellation announcement. The Manimal website has been down all day due to an attack, and many are threatening to sue the company for removal of their tattoos, as well as punitive damages. A handful of Hawaiians say the promotion caused their underage children to get Major tattoos, with one Lahaina resident saying her child’s Manimal tattoo forced her to leave her home.

Shelby Pio says she was livid when her 16-year-old son came home with a Major tattoo

“I think Manimal has to take some of the responsibility. This promotion has turned our home upside down. The company is obviously targeting impressionable and impulsive kids. When Eric came home with that thing tattooed on both cheeks, I just about lost it. His father and I couldn’t believe that he’d do something so stupid for an energy drink. Worse yet was when our HOA president saw it. Tanager Lane rules have a provision barring anyone with a face tattoo from residing in the neighborhood. Eric and I have been forced to stay at my sister’s house until we can get it removed. It’s very troubling that the company and Mr. Kane seem unwilling to acknowledge their culpability in this matter, almost as troubling as having your teenager come home with a face tattoo.”

Baby Born In Veilstation Gifted Free Travel For Life

Veilcorp has just given a newborn child a birthday gift that is going to be hard for his parents to beat. The company says it will award the boy free tickets for life after being born in the Lahaina veilstation. Harrison Veil Lehmann was born Saturday evening on a bench near the arrival gate after his mother went into premature labor. Thanks to the quick actions of the late night cleaning crew and a tattoo artist traveling to Maui, the baby was born healthy. Mother and child are now both safe and sound at home.

It was not the birth experience Sally Lehmann had planned. Returning from a visit to relatives on the mainland, she was looking forward to a quiet night at home with her husband who is an engineer working on the Hoku telescope. She began to feel strange about an hour before veiling to Lahaina. “I thought I was just having really bad cramps and couldn’t wait to get home and take a long warm bath. Everything was fine until I stepped out of the gateway. My water broke and I could tell that I didn’t have much time. I guess Harrison couldn’t wait either. I’m usually pretty level headed, but I lost it. The cleaning crew was great. They were calm and seemed to know what to do. Of course Rowan was the real hero, I can’t begin to thank him enough.”

Veilcorp says that the biometric scanning every traveler goes through before veiling catches many health and medical issues, including some of the signs of early labor, but they do occasionally happen. Officials say there have been around a dozen births inside various stations world-wide but this was a first for the Lahaina facility.

Company CEO and Veilcorp founder Eric Oeming says he couldn’t be more proud of the way his employees performed in an emergency and thought he’d give Harrison some help exploring the world since he, “seemed so eager to get out and take a look around.” In addition, the company plans on providing the altruistic artist 10 free trips to any destination of his choosing. Of course the date held special meaning for Oeming as well. “It was my daughter Alohi’s 8th birthday. My wife and I were in the kitchen eating some leftover cake when I was notified about what had happened. After I made sure everyone was alright, I started thinking about an appropriate gift. Since he was still a little too young for some cake, I figured a lifetime ticket to the veil would be a good alternative. I hope Harrison has fun exploring the world and starts taking it a little bit easier on his mom.”

Lehmann says she was touched and amazed at the company’s birthday gift, as well as the actions of its employees, but she says that fellow traveler Rowan Hardy was the real hero. A well-known tattoo and body artist, Rowan was visiting Maui for a short vacation when he noticed the commotion.

“I thought someone was having a brawl at first, but could see it was a woman in labor when I got closer. I started to call for help when I saw the head pop out and I knew we didn’t have time for all that. I grabbed my kit and tried to keep Sally reassured. Harrison was out in no time. I clamped off the umbilical with a couple of hemostats and let her cut the cord with my electrosurgical brand. By that time, paramedics had arrived and took her away. I appreciate the company’s gift to Harrison and I. I’d love to use some of my trips to have the whole family out to my studio at home. It was really something when he looked at me. I never felt a connection like that before. When I work with my clients I try connect closely with them in order to give them the body art that they need. This was something on a whole different level. It was my privilege to meet Harrison and his mother. I would be honored to give him his first full sleeve when he’s ready.”

Not everyone saw the event as joyous however. Local resident Kevin Morrow filed an official complaint with the Lahaina police calling the incident, “obscene”. According to his complaint,

“I had just picked up my nephew and was looking forward to our week together. We planned on watching one of nature’s most beautiful and thought provoking dramas, the hatching of the green sea turtles. Watching them digging through the sand with their little flippers before running a gauntlet of hungry seabirds and struggling in the surf is something to see. But when you watch the ease in which they swim out to sea after their initial fight, you understand what a beautifully delicate dance this thing we call life is. Instead of that magnificent show, we had a front row seat to the screaming horrors of childbirth. I wanted to expose my nephew to one of the wonders of nature not the disgusting act that unfolded on a bench in front of us. How am I supposed to explain this to my sister-in-law?”