STORYLINE

The Green Lady of Keali’i Gulch

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According to Kānaka legend, there used to be a large farm near Keali’i Gulch. Hana farm was well-known in the area for a number of reasons. It was one of the few places on the island relatively untouched by the fracture. The farm became a sanctuary for the entire extended family and many of their neighbors. The Hana’s become famous for the incredible fecundity of their land. The taro grew huge. All the fruit was amazingly sweet. The quality of the crops garnered a premium and the family did quite well for a period of time. Then the sickness began and people began to whisper about a curse.

At the end of that first year, everyone on the farm began to fall ill. It wasn’t long before some of the hired help started to have accidents. Between the misfortune in the fields and the mysterious sickness, the Hana’s soon found themselves working the farm alone. Tragedy continued to follow the family until only the grandmother and a group of 12 grandchildren remained. The collection of cousins and siblings kept the farm running, but it was a shadow of its former self.

While many avoided the family and farm, one of the village boys, Kahale Wiwo’ole, became good friends with Pualani the eldest granddaughter. The pair would often be found together talking about the farm and the future. One day the teenagers had been out too late making plans for Pualani’s birthday. The girl was turning 16 and Kahale was planning something special. They arrived around dinner time, and Grandmother Hana was not pleased. “Pualani! Where have you been? Why is that boy here so late? It will be dark soon and you know how tired you all get after dinner. Make him go home,” she yelled.

Kahale kissed the girl on the cheek and told her he’d see her in the morning. That night he tossed and turned. He couldn’t figure out why Grandmother Hana had been so mad. He and Pualani had been friends for years. Mostly, he thought about how embarrassed his friend had looked and decided he would sneak out to make sure she was alright.

It was easy for Kahale to find the farm even in the dark. He snuck around back and tapped lightly on the window. He tapped again and again, but nothing happened. Lifting the window, he crawled inside only to find all the beds empty. Opening the bedroom door just a crack he couldn’t believe what he saw.

All the children were still seated at the table, but they were all in a deep sleep. Pualani’s grandmother stood behind her with a hollow ipu gourd. The boy had to cover his mouth when he saw the woman pull a large thorn from a pocket, and poke the back of his friend’s neck. She filled the gourd with blood and walked to the front door without a word.

After she left, Kahale rushed to his friend to make sure she was ok. He couldn’t wake her up but was reassured that Pualani was still breathing, and decided to see where grandmother Hana was going. Sneaking out the door, he could see her walking through the fields towards the jungle, and decided to follow. The woman stopped abruptly. He was afraid that she had heard him, but then he noticed something moving. A tall green woman wrapped in vines, with flowers in her hair appeared from the foliage. “I have your drink,” the grandmother said before handing over the gourd. A sound like wind blowing through the branches came from the woman, and the scent of jasmine and gardenia filled the air, but she never spoke. “Yes, I know our bargain. She will be 16 tomorrow and I will bring her. As you are fed, so shall you feed our fields,” the grandmother said and bowed low. The green lady was gone as suddenly as she appeared, and the elder Hana walked back to the house.

Kahale didn’t sleep that night and waited for Pualani on the trail leading to town. The frightened young man tried to explain to his friend what he had seen, but Pualani didn’t believe him. When he mentioned the wound on the back of her neck they found that it had somehow healed overnight. He begged the girl to stay with his family, but she refused and angrily ran back to the farm.

Kahale didn’t know what to do. If Pualani didn’t believe him what chance did he have convincing anyone else? He hardly believed it himself. He walked home to try and figure out what to do. All day he paced back and forth and read through old books trying to find an answer. Finally, his uncle asked the obviously troubled boy what was wrong, and why he wasn’t with his friend on her birthday. Exhausted and out of options, Kahale broke down and told him what he had seen. Instead of laughing or accusing the boy of dreaming, Kahale’s uncle grabbed him by the arm and went to get help.

Just before nightfall Kahale and a group of the villagers raced to the farm. They arrived just in time to see grandmother Hana pushing Pualani in a wheelbarrow through the fields. Just as before, the green lady stepped out of the foliage and reached out towards the unconscious girl. Before she could touch her, one of the villagers screamed out and the creature froze. A deafening scream came from deep inside the green lady and she grabbed grandmother Hana. Everyone watched in horror as the creature drained the old woman in seconds until she was a dried husk.

The beast ran into the jungle with the villagers giving chase. They cornered her in a cave and decided to build a big fire at the entrance to smoke her out. By morning a few of the bravest ventured inside, but all they found was some bones and a tangle of thorny vines with a blood-red wilted flower in the center. Pualani recovered as did the rest of the children. They moved to the village and their ancestors can still be found there today. The green lady of Keali’i gulch was never seen again. People still farm the surrounding lands, but they are very careful to always be home at least 2 hours before dark.

STORYLINE

Da Kine Air Services Will be In Your Area, Bid For an Appointment Now!

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Over 60 years ago my grandfather Buddy began Da Kine Air to serve all of your ventilation and air conditioning needs. Through hard work and professional service Buddy turned Da Kine into the premiere HVAC service on the island. When the veils broke we all lost a lot: homes, family and friends, and hope. Buddy fought hard to save as much, and as many survivors as he could. He had some hard times but with the help of a bunch of the old-timers, he pulled through. We didn’t lose Buddy, the business, or Lahaina.

He passed on all his years of knowledge and gratitude to my father George, who many of you know. For the past couple decades George has been working tirelessly to live up to Buddy’s legacy. He has repaired hundreds of cooling units as we make our way around the island. It’s impossible to know how many of you are breathing contaminant free air thanks to his diligent work. That work has been our family’s way of thanking you and doing our part to keep hope alive. It has been an honor and our pleasure to serve you, but time keeps marching on, and nothing lasts forever.

This will be George’s last year working for Da Kine. He will be passing the reins over to me. I believe that I can continue to offer the kind of quality and professional work that you’ve all come to expect, but I will be implementing some important new changes.

Buddy said he could never pay the community back for all their support in his lifetime. My father selflessly carried on that work for the better part of his life as well. Now, I believe Buddy’s debt has been paid in full. I have watched my father circle this island throughout the years providing cool, clean air to anyone who needed it for virtually nothing. That is about to change.

I will continue to keep the same schedule around the island, which would place Da Kine in the Lahaina area in January, but our prices have changed. Unlike my father, I am not interested in cementing a legacy with a disheveled family in tow. I am interested in securing a better future for myself and my crew.

Beginning immediately all of our services will go through a bidding process. Da Kine will offer 3 services a week for 3 months in one area before we move on. These services will be available through an auction process, and will go to the highest bidder. In addition to rai and provisions, we will now also accept other trade goods as payment. Medicines, ammunition, art pieces, jewelry, and other creature comforts will all be considered as good tender.

If you don’t have a lot to offer in the way of items, but have other talents that Da Kine might find useful let us know. We could always use more security, cooks, people with medical training or other more interesting talents. If you’ve always dreamed of giving your mother the cool home she deserves, or your kids clean safe air, a year of service might just make your dreams come true.

In addition to the new bidding process, we have a job rider that lays out how you will house, protect, and feed my crew should you be lucky enough to hire us. I have a number of requirements as well. A complete list will be available for your perusal before bidding but some of the highlights include:

  • We require a Reality Machine II or newer nearby to synthesize parts.
  • I require a room on the top floor of any structure that Da Kine is working on. If at all possible that room will face the ocean.
  • I require all furniture be removed from the rooms and replaced with my own pieces.
  • There shall be no less that 8 clean mugs available to me at all times as well as an assortment of not less than 4 different teas.
  • I require at least one fresh fish or meat dish a day. A selection of fresh fruits (no mangos) and local honey shall be available should I choose to eat breakfast.
  • A warm, not hot, bath shall be offered not more than one hour after work each day. I require a selection of cotton cloths or natural sponges, no brushes. In addition, I will need a clean towel to stand on in a well ventilated area as I prefer to air dry.
  • A story, song, or selected reading will be offered nightly should I have trouble falling asleep…..

I know some of you will find our new policy changes troubling and accuse me of taking advantage of our unique situation. Let me assure you that we will continue to offer the expertise and honest work that you have come to expect from Da Kine. We will not cut corners, and we will not do anything other than our very best to make you happy. I am simply trying to let our prices and lifestyle properly reflect the demand for our work. Some would say you can’t put a price tag on the comfort and safety of your family, but we’re going to try.

Hank Alunu
Da Kine Air Services

STORYLINE

The Office of Travel brochures and manuals

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The fracture destroyed large swathes of land and a majority of the population, but it wasn’t just lives that were lost. Many of the systems and constructs of society were wiped out as well. The first few years after the accident was an extremely hard time for anyone trying to live, let alone rebuild anything from the old world. There can be no argument that one of the most important organizations to emerge in those early years was the Office of Travel Brochures and Manuals (OTBM). Founded by Ron Kapili sometime in 2052, the office served as an invaluable resource to those trying to repair the damage that had been done and remains an important asset for islanders seeking knowledge today.

Ron spent most of his life tinkering and collecting instructional manuals. Most of his toys had been taken apart and put back together at least once. He built his first bike himself from parts he had printed at Ano Lee’s maker commune in Lahaina. Unlike most mothers in her situation, Ron’s mom encouraged the young boy, and would provide him with countless how-to magazines and owner manuals to the home appliances he seemed fascinated with. Partially working vacuum cleaners, tripped circuits, and the distinct smell of electrical fires was common around the Kapili home.

While he was a wizard with tools and anything electronic, the structure of school was too restrictive for Ron. Failing almost all of his classes, it was no surprise to anyone when he dropped out, and began working at his mother’s thrift shop. If it weren’t for the great accident he might have spent his entire life fixing TVs, and the hand-held games that were sold in the store. Sometimes extraordinary talents are exposed through extraordinary circumstances, and such was the case with Ron.

While many around him sat stunned or scrounged for food in those first few days, Ron got to work. Within days he had fixed the store’s solar panel with his trusty folder of user manuals. By the end of the week, he had a generator working again too. At the end of the month, survivors in the teenager’s neighborhood all had light to sustain them through the uncertainty of the long nights. The boy collected a number of new owner manuals too and began work on the repairable items they belonged to. When he found a travel brochure about tours offered at a nearby aquifer facility his story took another big turn.

Water was at a premium, and up until this point most people had been relying on streams, and the few working wells scattered around the island. While looking at the brochure, Ron recognized the make and model of the water pumps used at the facility from some manuals he had collected. After packing his tool bag, arranging the proper manuals in his binder, and recruiting some help, he set off to the water plant to see what could be done.

To the delight of many, the group scavenged what parts they needed and had 2 pumps working by the end of the day. Word of clean water and the boy with the manuals spread quickly. Survivors from all over were soon seeking out Ron with hopes that he could fix their items, and brochures offering suggestions of places to go next. It became quickly apparent that there was too much work for the young man and his crew. It was then that someone suggested that they set up a place where others could get the information needed to make various repairs, and go about rebuilding places of interest. The Office of Travel Brochures and Manuals was established soon after.

Today the office is a valuable resource to anyone wanting to explore a new area, repair items, or build something from scratch. Physical copies of how-to books, user manuals, or brochures are still available for purchase, but most customers choose to have them uploaded to their Ceremplants. The office will still purchase any pamphlets, flyers, and user guides that are brought in, but prices vary greatly based upon the item’s rareness. For a nominal fee, visitors can get a history lesson by viewing Ron’s original collection in the “Drawers of Knowledge” exhibit that some have called “the most important stack of dog-eared documents to ever be crammed into a file cabinet.”

If you are trying to repair an item, learn a recipe, discover a new area, or just unload a stack of booklets, the Office of Travel Brochures and Manuals should be your first stop.

Bruddah Lee

Kanaka Historian

STORYLINE

The History of the Regulators Part III

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I’ve been highlighting the Regulators and it’s most important members this week. There have been a number of groups that shaped Lahaina after the fracture, but there’s no doubt that the Regulators have had a bigger impact than most. I’ve discussed the transportation obsessed Esther Hele, and the alarming queen of food safety Betsy KauKau. Today, I’ll cover the last and most well received co-founder of the group, Dan Kukulu, or as he’s better known, Dan The Building Man.

Little to nothing is known about Dan’s upbringing and early years. The first mention of Dan in any of the old documents is when he was first appointed as a building inspectors in Lahaina. Dan took to his post just a year before the municipal veil building was constructed. He served the county of Maui for a while, but eventually left to work for Veilcorp.

Dan excelled in his new role, and was soon the head of maintenance at the facility. Fate had different plans for Dan however, and just a few months into his new job the fracture happened. To the astonishment of the surrounding Kānaka, Dan walked away from the building seemingly unharmed days later, and began his work immediately.

Although people were falling victim to biohazards and toxic fumes all around him Dan seemed fine. His survival coupled with his quiet demeanor, and aversion to physical contact made fellow survivors nervous at first. Their worries were soon quashed when Dan began to inspect buildings in the area and started repairs.

It was not unusual in those first few years after the collapse to wake up and find new handrails, or a repaired access ramp outside of your building. He never asked for help, but would accept it silently and graciously. When people would inquire, the normally quiet Dan would respond that the fracture wouldn’t have happened if the proper codes were followed. He couldn’t undo the accident, but he could ensure that everyone had a safe and accessible place to live now. He saw it as his job to make sure that the old construction safeguards were upheld, so the future could be rebuilt to commonly accepted standards.

Dan’s tireless work and aloofness had a big impact on the Kānaka in particular. They began to whisper that Dan wasn’t human but a spirit of the land. They claimed that he never slept and could travel great distances through the air at night. They made lists of things such as: clearly marked exits, termite barriers, clear roof drains, and properly installed cladding systems that pleased The Building Man. Dan loved detailed maintenance logs above all else, and presenting a set to him was a sure way to keep him working in your village.

Dan hated inaccurate blueprints and rooms without proper egress above all else. The Kānaka devised complex ceremonies to ensure that Dan would grant them building permits. These ceremonies could last for days and involve multiple villages. The rituals surrounding grandfathering a surviving structure were especially elaborate.

It wasn’t long before The Building Man started attracting followers, but unlike his fellow Regulators he never seemed interested in leading a large group. If he felt that his work crew had become too large to be efficient, he would send them ahead to scout and start repairs in new areas. Many of the remaining structures in Lahaina are standing because of Dan’s work. It’s hard to estimate how many people he helped that first year, but they numbered in the hundreds at least.

However helpful some found Dan, he was not without his critics. The Building Man considered every structure on the island his domain. He did not wait for permission to inspect your dwelling. It was his job. He would make what repairs and alterations he deemed necessary without regard for the people inside. It was not unusual to be awoken in the night from the sound of Dan altering the size of your doorway to meet code or other adjustments. Worse still, if he found your structure uninhabitable he would demolish it without regard for the occupants inside. If he was met with resistance Dan could be a terrible opponent indeed.

It was this disregard for the wishes of a structure’s occupants, and heedless renovation that eventually drove Dan from Lahaina. He attempted to install emergency lighting with a small crew of followers inside a building that turned out to be a Tapper stronghold. A fight between the groups soon broke out. According to the stories, the battle was so large that almost all of Front street was covered in Tapper fog. For hours the sounds of screams and nailguns mixed with taps and explosions. The battle moved North into the old preserve and Dan was never seen in Lahaina again.

There are rumors that Dan survived his battle with the Tappers and simply relocated to Kapalua to work in peace around the golf course. The Kānaka claim that he was so troubled by the Tapper’s aggression that he traveled to another island to continue his work. Whatever the truth, there is no doubt that Lahaina is a better place because of Dan’s work.

STORYLINE

The History of the Regulators Part I

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There have been a number of groups and individuals who have helped make the island livable since the fracture. From science fair kids joining forces with a dance troupe, to mysterious delivery men trying to keep Front street safe, many have dedicated their lives to making things better. Then there are those that are harder to quantify.

The Regulators are one such group. A collection of dedicated civil servants and like-minded individuals, the Regulators strive to implement and enforce the rules and regulations that existed before civilizations collapse. Most on the island views this as a preposterous endeavor at best. The Kānaka in particular, have a very dim view on rebuilding things in the image of what existed before. However, there are those that admire the tenacity of the Regulators and their resolve.
This is the first in a series explaining how the group got its start, and detailing their three most important members.

By all accounts Esther Hele was a miserable child. Born the daughter of a well-known Pali-ites instructor at the world famous Kokua Wellness Center and Spa here in Lahaina, Esther’s troubles began almost immediately. The carefree and self-regulated parenting style in her home did not fit Esther’s personality. Thriving on order and rules, she would routinely put her toys in long lines in order to listen to their concerns and give them daily direction.

This behavior spilled over into preschool, where young Esther took great delight in reporting any and all infractions, (especially line cutting), to the teachers. Elementary school was no better. She was picked last, if ever, for every game at recess. The other children made fun of her need for order and love of authority. Things finally came to a head when Esther presented a 10-page report on the short-counting issue running rampant during hide-N-seek to the Principal.

It troubled her greatly that others were routinely allowed to disregard the rules without consequence. It seemed unfair to her that many of the adults appeared not to care, or were unwilling to enforce mutually understood standards of conduct. The lunch line was haphazard and inefficient at best. Esther declared that she would be better equipped to run things than her classmates or teachers. It was her proposed punishments for them that drew the most concern. After some discussion with school officials, and a licensed counselor, it was agreed that Esther should attend a more structured private school on the mainland.

The new school was exactly what she needed. While she still had trouble relating to her peers, Esther thrived under the strict new rules. She soon became a favorite of the staff and was allowed many special privileges. She reorganized the stanchions in the library, reducing the average check-out time by almost a minute. She added 30 pages to the school’s code of conduct packet to remove any ambiguities. Instances of students sneaking off campus dropped by a third under Esther’s diligent night watches. Not only did Esther like the strict rules, but she began to love the power as well.

Eventually she graduated and needed to find work. College seemed too chaotic for Esther and her teachers suggested a summer job while she worked on her plans for the future. On paper the DMV seemed liked the perfect fit for her, and as Esther would tell you, paper never lies. She did well at private school, but she was born to work at the DMV.

The lines were magnificent. If someone gave you trouble you could put them in another line, and watch the hope drain out of their eyes, by closing it minutes later. While the rules and organization inside seemed capricious or punitive to some, they made perfect sense to Esther. Still, she missed her family and longed to mold her hometown into a more efficient place to live. She was eventually granted a transfer.

Esther had just began to settle in at her new office. She wasn’t even supposed to start for another week, but she wanted to time the lines and look for any possible rule breaking from her co-workers before she started her next report. When the island started shaking she quickly led them to the designated emergency shelter and had the forethought to bring the water tanks from the lobby. Say what you will about her personality, but all the survivors inside that DMV office that day owe her their lives.

They stayed in the shelter for what seemed like forever. Finally, the water situation started to become dire. Esther knew she had to get out and survey the area, but she was not quite ready for what she saw. Everything was in ruins. She assumed there must be other survivors somewhere but she didn’t see any. Though she didn’t know what the problem was exactly, it was a safe bet that nobody would be veiling in with help anytime soon. It was clear what she had to do.

With the veils broken, organized roads and safe drivers were more important than ever. She couldn’t clean water but she could make sure the equipment needed would be delivered by licensed drivers. She didn’t have any medical equipment but she could ensure that it was distributed promptly through an orderly transportation system. She had the knowledge and skills. She understood how important her cog was in the wheel of civilization. She would continue the DMV’s work.

The rest is history. For years Esther could be found patrolling the roads and conducting driving tests around Lahaina. Some of the questions changed over the years. “What should you do first if you find a Menehune has cut your brake lines?” and “If you are trying to escape a Night Marcher who wants your skull, but the light is red, are you allowed to continue without coming to a complete stop,” are two of the most recent additions. Esther tried to keep the rest as close to the original as possible. Her staff grew from the initial survivors to a group of over 100, all looking for any bit of the old world they could find. Islanders started to call them “The Regulators” within a year, and the group flourished.

Esther and the rest of the Regulators bit off more than they could chew however, when they presented the great Kānaka chief Ikaika with a letter demanding he register his war canoe. The bill, which included 35-years worth of penalties, was considered a provocation by the chief. When Esther told him that if he didn’t like it he could move to the back of the line a short battle began.

Lives were lost on both sides but the Regulators tenacity was no match for the Kānaka’s numbers. In her younger days Esther might have fought to the end, but with years came some wisdom, and she retreated to reorganize her paperwork. Lahaina hasn’t seen any Regulator activity in decades now, but it is rumored that the group has never been stronger. Some say that they are simply adding fees and penalties to the Kānaka’s bill while continuing to license those not strong enough to fight back elsewhere on the island.

Love them or hate them, there’s no doubt that the Regulators hold an important place in the history of post-fracture Lahaina. If you manage to get a vehicle going make sure you follow the rules of the road and your paperwork is in order. The last thing you want is to see Esther in your rearview mirror.

STORYLINE

The Legend of “Down-the-Line” Don

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After the accident everyone was scared because the people who had made the rules weren’t around anymore. The survivors worried that everyone would just do what they wanted and nobody would want to have a society again. Because nobody was around to make them do the right things anymore, people started telling stories about how to act. Those stories are called parables and this is one of my favorite. “Down-the-Line” Don teaches you how easy it is to become greedy and how bad that can be.

Before everything broke Don worked for a tow truck company and he would spend his day taking other people’s cars and putting them in a special yard. If you wanted to get your car back, you’d have to pay Don money. Everyone thought that was OK because there used to be lots of rules about where you could put your car when you weren’t in it.

When the accident happened lots of people were scared and some didn’t know what to do, but Don did. He figured he needed to let people know that nothing on the island was working and people were hurt. Since nobody could make a call on their phones and the internet was broken he thought the best way to get help was to try the radio tower. He made an announcement but didn’t hear anything back. After waiting a long time he noticed some other people down at the bottom of the tower. He decided to go down and see who they were.

Because the radio tower is so tall it turned into a natural meeting place for lots of people looking for help. Don began to move some of the big trucks from his lot next to the tower and people began to live in them. Lots of the people who were living in his trucks were sick and had burns, luckily Don knew how to make medicine from sausage tree fruit. He started to plant some around the radio tower and the first one he planted is still there today.

Don spent lots of time taking apart the other cars in his lot and bringing back anything that was useful to the tower. Eventually he had piles and piles of useful things like batteries and wire and people would come every day for help. Don began to think about how many people wanted help and how unfair it was that he was doing lots of work for free.

He started making the people who lived in his trucks give him half their food or find another place to live. Instead of giving away the extra stuff to people who needed it, he started to charge or go through their packs to see if they had anything he wanted. If they didn’t have enough rai or something to trade Don would tell them, “You can pay me down the line.” Over time only a few people had enough food to live in his trucks and he would hold regular auctions for his items to make sure he got the most possible for them. It only got worse once he fixed the broken ziplines.

The ziplines made it possible to send food and medicine quickly to different areas without having to worry about bandits. But sending stuff down the line was expensive! Don started making people work for him to pay off their “down the line bills,” but it took a long time. Soon there were whole Kānaka villages that had to work for Don in order to pay for water and sausage tree medicine. He had more rai and stuff than anyone but he still wasn’t happy. Half the island was working for him but it wasn’t enough. He decided that he owned anything that was under the ziplines and sent out his guards to collect a toll from anyone who walked underneath.

People started to to get angry and talk about how greedy Don had become, but they needed his help so they had to pay what he wanted. Don could send almost anything down his lines that you needed as long as you were willing to give him what he wanted, and he wanted everything. Then Don went too far.

A nearby Kānaka village was attacked one day by night marchers. Lots of people were badly injured including the Chief’s children. The village’s fastest runners were sent to get medkits and have them sent down the lines. When they got to Don’s they had enough to trade for the kits but he wanted extra to let them use the ziplines. Knowing that they didn’t have much time, the runners begged and pleaded but they didn’t have anything Don wanted. By the time they ran back with the kits it was too late.

Word spread quickly about how Don wouldn’t let the runners use the ziplines and let people die. That night, a huge group showed up at the radio tower and a big battle began. There are lots of stories about what happened to Don in the end. Some say that they threw him off the tower, others say that he jumped. My favorite ending is that they took a koa axe and sent parts of Don down each of his ziplines to let everyone know that all their debts were paid. They say that some nights, if you listen closely, you can still hear his parts traveling up and down the lines trying to get rai from anyone beneath them. My mom says that I should know better than that, and I do, but my little brother Aukai doesn’t.

The story of Down-the-Line Don helps people remember how easy it is to become too greedy and what might happen to you if you do. It’s also really good for getting back at your little brother when he messes up your room.

Akamai Mahelona
4th Grade
Pu`u School Lahaina

STORYLINE

Saraphim Journal

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sysmsg:satpair:127.0:255.0:uname:saraphim:privlev:0

2547911520::I somehow have contact. I’m in my lobby I think. I have root. Hazy.

2690580096::I somehow have contact. I’m in my lobby I think. I have root. Hazy. I prided myself on fixing those machines who went wildly wrong as I came into proximity with them. Hired at Newuskin in 20….

2761914384::I somehow have contact. I’m in my lobby I think. I have root. Hazy. I built a nice subsystem, I matched people to their DNA. But the database keys aren’t matching. They are there, but they don’t have the right ids. What does it mean when 96 of the 128 bits match? That’s less than chimps and humans sha…

2833248672::I somehow have contact. I’m in my lobby I think. I have root. Hazy. I have people’s DNA and corresponding RNA edits, I don’t have any way to tell whose is whose, or which is mine. Fuck you DBops really screwed up. It seems we could have a little redundant info in the db. Fourth normal form assho…

2904582960::I somehow have contact. I’m in my lobby I think. I have root. Hazy. The system clock seems off..or my lobby is way…

2975917248::I somehow have contact. I’m in my lobby I think. I have root. Hazy. Time is disjoint. I don’t know what day it is. The epoch doesn’t make sense. How is it 2975917248 then 2904582960 Lemme check nusattop. No. What? How is the system thrashing so much? I was visiting my mom for her 51st birthday. Sept 27th, 2050. 51 is not prim….

3047251536::I somehow have contact. I’m in my lobby I think. I have root. Hazy. Why did I go into backup? How long has it been? I feel so alone. I liked my … face? Body? Do I care that much? I liked having a body, for sure. , but if I don’t have my DNA, what does that mean? Will I never look like me? Will I be stuck in this lobby forever? What is time do…

3118585824::I somehow have contact. I’m in my lobby I think. I have root. Hazy. I was on the improvements team. Faster metabolism, independent eyebrow control, fixing Marfans, etc.. . Bad sequences out, good ones in. Finding the intersection, ya kno..

3189920112::I somehow have contact. I’m in my lobby I think. I have root. Hazy. I’m in my lobby I think. I have root. Hazy. I find myself weirdly comforted that Bret and I split up. I would hate to worry about him. I worry about him. I should google him. But not now…Wow, that’s a lot more time than I thought. A lot more. I need to take a mo. Sorry. Anyone else tracking this log? Pixie me @..

3261254400::I somehow have contact. I’m in my lobby I think. I have root. Hazy. I somehow have contact. I’m in my lobby I think. I have root. Hazy. How many users are lobbied? What? That’s crazy. How many have root? Rerun that query. How are there even more? Time to reserve lobby for Root only … Need to login to lobbyops. There. Dump the user list, kick em all out without root. Done.

3261254410::I have contact. I’m in my lobby. Let’s Check the time. Whoa. How is it 2073? What happened?
/sysmsg

STORYLINE

Teaser for “Aloha! Mark Aloha! Love” A post-apocalyptic romance novel

Front street was dangerous in the light of day, but it could be downright deadly in the dark. Mary knew she shouldn’t be there, but she couldn’t get the memories of that night out of her mind. It was just a few weeks after the Veils shattered and all the chaos started. She had been one of the lucky few who had made it. Mary and a group of bedraggled survivors had been living on a cruise ship that had been transformed from a giant pleasure craft, to their best hope for survival. They still had a good store of canned foods and even had some success fishing, but stopping at the occasional port to scavenge for food was a necessity. She couldn’t have dreamed how much her decision to go out and look for supplies that day would change her life.

It’s easy to lose track of time when you find a good stash, and it takes discipline to not chase that next can of food that may be buried just feet away. Mary had a lot of good qualities but discipline was not one. Before she knew it, dusk was closing in and she was still over a mile from the boat. Maybe it was carelessness brought on by her rushing to get back or maybe it was fate that made her not notice the first dog. Suddenly, she found herself surrounded by a pack of the snarling beasts. Even though they were half-starved she knew they were more than a match for her. The shock of her situation froze her in place. The end was here. She closed her eyes and waited for it to happen, and then she heard a car horn.

The dogs scattered as the black sedan rolled up to her. A rear door opened and she could hear music playing from within. She cautiously walked up and peeked inside. The car was immaculately detailed, standing in stark contrast to the rubble and ruin around it. A dark haired man sat in the driver’s seat. He asked, “Do you need a ride?” without turning around. “Yes” she answered as she got inside. “I’m going to the……” “I know where you’re going,” he answered before she could tell him her destination.

“You should be more careful on Front street. It’s not as safe as it used to be,” he said. She didn’t know what to say. There was something about him. The way his car smelled like peppermint candy and danger, it made her feel safe and exhilarated at the same time. The way he seemed unaffected by everything that had happened stirred something deep inside her that she hadn’t felt before. He told stories and talked about different buildings as they drove past. “You sure know a lot about everything, were you some sort of child prodigy?” she teased. “I don’t have the sharpest mind but parts of me are genius,” he joked back. Mary could feel her ears turn red at his bluntness.

Suddenly, they were stopped, and the cruise ship sat hulking in the harbor in front of them. “I usually get paid up front but I made an exception for you,” he said as he turned around. For the first time Mary got a good look at his face, and she liked what she saw. She could feel his gaze penetrating deep inside her. His half-smile let her know that he saw everything. His confidence was overwhelming. She felt like a volcano ready to explode and spill her lava all over him. “All I have is some canned food, but maybe we could come to some sort of agreement. We’ve been cruising for a while now and have seen a lot of the island. Maybe I could give you some information or teach you something.” She pushed her hair back behind her ear and looked up at him. “Maybe you could teach me something.”

She sat silently as he climbed into the back of the car. She straddled his lap and kissed him deep, tasting his peppermint flavored lips. His hands crept slowly down her back like a child sneaking down the stairs to get a look at Santa on Christmas eve. She had never felt such a yearning for someone before. It was as excruciating as it was exquisite. She couldn’t help but contemplate their future as their bodies slowly moved together.

The world needed to be rebuilt. It needed strong people who weren’t afraid to live and love. She imagined where they would stay on Front street. She pictured them building a car seat out of debris they found along the beach, and working together to make a better life. She yearned for him to plant his grain in her fertile fields. Mercifully, her mind finally succumbed to the pleasure this stranger was so expertly coaxing from her body, and melted into him like one of his candies in his mouth.

“Are you seeing anyone? I mean, I don’t even know your name,” she said at they sat exhausted and content. “I see everything since the accident. My name is Mark. I think it’s time for you to get back on your boat, Mary.” he answered, as he climbed back into the driver’s seat. The shock of his sudden coldness hit her so hard that she didn’t even wonder how he knew her name. “Did I say something wrong? I….I…I’m sorry. I’ve just never felt like this before. I hardly know you, but can’t you feel this too? I think I love you,” she sobbed. He looked at her in the rear view mirror. “It’s not safe to love me Mary. Mark only loves two things: Mark and driving for Hailoha. I’m not someone you can love,” he said as the door opened by itself. He was wrong. Mary got out of the car that night but she left her heart in the backseat.

Love can make you do some regrettable things and Mary was starting to regret her obsession with Mark. It had been 6 months since that memorable night, but she hadn’t managed to go 6 seconds without thinking about him since. This was the 4th time that the boat had been close enough to Front street that she could sneak out at night and look for him. The sun was going to be up in an hour and she knew it would be the 4th time that she’d go back to her cold room with a raging, unfulfilled desire. No matter how hard she tried to quench the fire inside her, it would not be denied.

She was so lost fighting through her emotions again that she didn’t notice the bandits behind her until they spoke. “Look what we got here. Are you from that big boat in the harbor?” one asked through chipped teeth and cracked lips. Before she could answer a bright light appeared from behind her casting her shadow tall over the pair of thugs. She could see the terror in their faces. “Run, It’s him!” yelled her would-be attacker, and the pair ran off. Mary smiled as she turned around and saw a familiar looking car. The rear door opened and the smell of peppermint candy wafted out. “I told you that I’m not safe. We need to talk,” Mark said from inside. As Mary walked towards the car she thought, that’s funny, talking isn’t the first thing on my list.

STORYLINE

Suter, Stine, Burn & Partners Roadmap For the Future

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Good Morninng SSB&P employees! I’d like to welcome everyone who decided to renew their commitment to our company yesterday during the turmoil. I’m in awe of your enthusiasm and dedication. The transition team and I look forward to working with each and every one of you. We are going to have to be extremely agile as an organization at this critical time, but I promise to communicate the decisions we make as soon as possible. The new org chart will be on display in the mezzanine for all to see and will be updated in real time as the situation dictates.

In other good news Phil and the janitorial crew have pushed Brian and the mailroom traitors to the floors below street level. All employees should now have unfettered access to the main lobby. More than ever it’s important that everyone in the building embrace SSB&P’s new core values. We need to recreate a world where each of us can flourish while exploring new revenue streams and protecting all the building’s entrances. Now that the housecleaning has been addressed, let me move on to the rebuilding part. Despite the mailroom machinations, we’ve put together an exciting plan! If this really is the apocalypse you should consider Phil and I the two-headed beast of opportunity. Here’s an outline of our immediate action items.

Litigation: Do I plan on suing Veilcorp? I’m a graduate of Harvard Law, of course I do. While It may seem like the obviousness of this revenue stream would dilute any recovery we receive, it was decided that it should be pursued anyway. This decision has been bolstered with the news of how far reaching this calamity has gone and as the body count has continued to grow. It is our belief that SSB&P might end up being one of the last law firms which means we will be able to cherry-pick clients. When whatever passes as a governing body reestablishes control we will demand a speedy hearing.

Schrödinger’s Cash: There has been a lot of back and forth on this one. In the end, It was very important to Phil that we pursue this program. We will be filling numerous boxes with photocopied money and sending it from the main transport hub around the corner, to the veil station downtown. It is Phil’s hope that during the transport process probability will intervene and replace our boxes with boxes of real money. If Phil is right, he’s a hero. If he’s wrong, he’s the large man who serves as a shield against looters and Brian.

Transdimensional Synergy: If you like adventure, want to be guaranteed a management position, or just figure “This will look great on my resume!” our interdimensional innovator program is a great opportunity . Every morning we’ll send two volunteers through the gateway with a bag full of contracts, cease and desist letters, and other various legal documents. Explore strange new worlds, make deals with interesting people, and threaten to sue them. Obtain legal rights to otherworldly intellectual property and recruit their best and brightest. It is important that we spread the SSB&P message as far as we can. In addition to moving up the org chart all employees able to return to this dimension with signed paperwork will receive one of the remaining chocolate muffins in the cafeteria while supplies last.

I won’t lie to you and say that the days forward are going to be easy, but we made it through the first together. With your help and the guidance of the transition committee, I’m confident that we’ll make it through many more. The outside world may be a catastrophe right now, but things are looking pretty good in here. Let’s lean in to this challenge together and come out better on the other side, wherever that may be. I truly believe that the opportunity is deeper than deep, it’s infinite!

Kurt Bickley
Acting President & CEO Suter, Stine, Burn & Partners

STORYLINE

Tourists Claim They Were “Held Hostage” by Geese

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A vacationing couple is claiming that their dream vacation turned into a nightmare Monday evening after witnessing a vicious attack and being held hostage in a public restroom. This type of story has become all-too-common on the island lately, but this one comes with a twist. According to the tourists, the perpetrator wasn’t a masked man, or drug-crazed lunatic looking for their next fix, it was a goose. To be precise, a flock of geese.

28-year-old Bret Casey and his 27-year-old wife Spring claim that they were heading back to their hotel after a long walk down the beach when the incident occurred. The couple says they had spent the day exploring the beach and enjoying Lahaina’s nightlife before the evening took a bizarre and terrifying turn.

According to their report, the Casey’s were on the way home in the dark and become lost. Seeing a light in the distance, they walked up to get their bearings and came upon a chaotic scene. The couple claims that they witnessed a group of fellow tourists around a beach fire being attacked by a flock of geese.

Bret’s statement reads in part:

“They were all running around and screaming but I didn’t think it was that serious until the birds knocked a guy down and I saw blood. I tried to help him up but they had hold of him and were dragging him towards the water. Then they started attacking me. I couldn’t believe how strong they were. They almost knocked me down a couple of times and I got really scared for Spring. I grabbed her arm and we ran for the public restrooms we had passed just a few minutes before. We kept hearing the shouts and screams inside so I decided to go back and see if I could help.”

While the couple’s story seems hard to believe, their official statements are as consistent as they are extraordinary. The narrative continues with Mrs. Casey reporting.

“They were all over one of them when Bret went back outside. He tried to help but there was too many of them and he ran back into the building….You could hear the geese walking on the roof and fighting…I’m not sure how long we waited but we didn’t see any of them after a while so Bret went to check to see if it was clear, but they had just been waiting for us. They were biting and hitting him with their wings so he ran back before they knocked him down too…This went on all night. We tried escaping a couple times but they wouldn’t leave. Then, a few hours after the sun came up we saw someone parasailing and they took off…There must have been 20-30 of them that flew after the boat. We ran back down the beach until we found help and called the police.”

The couple was taken to a local hospital where Bret was treated for multiple cuts and contusions. Officials say they found no evidence of the kind of attack reported, and point out that a group of missing tourists would have surely been reported by now. However, they do confirm that the area did contain numerous feathers and nene tracks. The police say they can’t comment on specific open cases, but are investigating the claims and waiting for the results of a drug screen. No charges have been filed at this point. An anonymous source familiar with the case says, “The story is obviously hard to believe. Something might have attacked the guy, but at this point, we’re confident that something is going to turn out to be gravity and overindulgence. We’ve had a big increase in aggressive animal complaints since Veilcorp expanded their 127 production, but I haven’t heard anything about killer geese before. We’ll know more once the Department of Land and Natural Resources completes their report and the spot of blood we found at the scene is processed.”

While reports of animal attacks, in general, have gone up in the past year, there have only been a handful of reports involving the nene. Greg Iona, Senior Investigator for the Department of Land and Natural Resources, says that a flock of homicidal geese is absurd. Iona points out that the native nene is too small and lacks the physical characteristics to be a serious danger. Instead, he agrees with the police and suggests that the couple most likely had a few too many drinks and wandered into a nesting area. “I’m sure once the reports are all in we’ll find that what we have here is a drunk couple who stumbled into an area with some protective mother birds. Geese have long been known to have one of nature’s worst tempers. They’re one of the few animals that I’ve studied that I believe can feel and express hate. The world would be a much different place if geese were just a bit bigger, or had claws or teeth. Luckily for us, and the 4 million people who visit Maui each year, they don’t.”