There have been a number of groups and individuals who have impacted the day-to-day lives of survivors on the island. Few have had as big of an impact as the regulators, however. The collection of dedicated civil servants and like-minded individuals, strive to implement and enforce the rules and regulations that existed before the collapse of civilization. Many, including the Kānaka, see them as the last vestige of an old failed system. Still, others admire their perseverance.
Earlier this week we covered the group’s founder, Esther Hele, a former DMV worker striving to keep the roads safe and the drivers licensed. Today, we’ll cover the group’s most notorious member, Betsy Kaukau. The name alone is enough to make even the bravest Kānaka warrior nervous. Even amongst members of the Regulators, Betsy is considered misguided. Some say that her story is more fiction than fact and serves as a cautionary tale. Others disagree. Either way, her story is an important piece of island history.
Betsy was not born to love her job like many of the Regulators. She was led down the health inspector path through tragedy. Until her 12th year, the young lady was remarkable only in her unremarkability. She wasn’t interested in anything in particular, excelled in no sport or extracurricular activity. She wasn’t a gifted orator or artist and was an average student. Everything about Betsy was standard with no deviation, until that fateful day at her father’s company picnic.
The media at first didn’t fully appreciate how bad the tainted food was. By the end of the week, they would be calling it the worst case of food poisoning ever recorded. A CDC investigation found that a perfect storm of tainted lettuce, undercooked chicken, and spoiled cole slaw was responsible. There was a cobb salad that combined listeria, trichinosis, salmonella, and e-coli in one dish! There were a number of recalls and legal suits filed but it was too late for the 34 men, women, and children lost that day. It was too late for Betsy’s family.
The girl was sent to live with relatives in Lahaina where she began to finally show an interest in something, microbiology, and food safety. Betsy became obsessed with protecting others from the same fate as her family. As a teenager, she was banned from several local restaurants for barging into the kitchen and demanding to check food temperatures or test sanitizing solutions with her container of test strips. Nobody was surprised when she eventually became a health inspector.
She attacked unsafe food handling practices with a vengeance that unnerved her co-workers and led to a number of official complaints. Betsy was particularly hard on the businesses that had banned her as a teenager. She became convinced that they were lying about their food handling practices and hiding something. When she publicly accused the owner of a popular beach bar of serving poisonous pina coladas, it was the transgression that her superiors had been waiting for. A disciplinary hearing was scheduled for the following Tuesday, September 27th, the same day that the veils fractured. Nobody knows what happened at that hearing or how Betsy survived. What is clear, is that the catastrophe had a profound effect on the already obsessed woman.
For a while, the islanders embraced her, and she was helpful. She taught safe food preservation and canning procedures. She explained to all who would listen that public health was more important than ever, and was the first to discover that the island’s white rats carried prions and shouldn’t be eaten. There can be no argument that for a time Betsy saved many lives, but as the Regulators grew in power so did her instability.
She began to preach about the pureness of food. Claiming that all food was flawless until tainted by mishandling and lies about its preparation. She believed that lies could taint people and spill over into their meals just as easily as bacteria, and it was her job to protect the public from both.
This is where the stories began to conflict and get a bit murky. There are claims that she believed that the entire summer harvest in a Thriver village had been tainted and had every plant dug up and destroyed. Still, others say that she thought the people had been tainted so she poisoned their food to stop the spread of the infection. Either way, many lives were lost and it was just the beginning.
The stories of her exploits for the next year range greatly from the bizarre and misguided to the horrific. What is certain, is that Betsy took complete control of the food and its distribution in Lahaina for a long time. She began to target specific people she felt did not take safe food handling seriously. They found no mercy at the bottom of her sanitizer vats, and no pity from her long probe thermometers. Finally, though, they had enough.
With her compatriot Esther run-off after a disagreement with the Kānaka chief Ikaika, Betsy didn’t have the manpower to hold off those who wanted her gone. She supposedly escaped her attackers and fled East to join up with Esther, but accounts of the assault vary. Some say she made it and plans on coming back with a whole new arsenal of twisted kitchen equipment and shutdown notices. Some say she is finally at peace somewhere in the rubble of her old headquarters. Whatever the truth, everyone who has ever accidentally dropped food on the floor can breathe easier since she’s been gone.
