September 27, 2050, was a day many of us had been waiting a long time for. The annual Duracave Expo was like Christmas a couple of months early. We came from all over Georgia to learn what new tools of freedom the company would unveil to help believers in liberty. Little did we know that the fracture would soon put all of our planning to the test. I think we passed with flying colors and I’m proud of what we accomplished, but it’s only a matter of time before we meet another large group. When that day comes, our values and way of doing things will enter the marketplace of ideas and as we all know, we can’t afford to show any weakness.
Some would call it luck that so many of us had shielded RVs with air scrubbers, but we all know that chance has nothing to do with being prepared. Between the motorhomes and the handful of display model bunkers, many of us made it through that first terrible week. When things finally quieted down, we began to explore and found a new home in Pine Bridge. We repurposed parts from the poultry farm to get a clean running water system going and divided up everything we took from the expo.
Even with all of our planning and training, things were tough, and we lost quite a few nonbelievers along the way. There was a lot to celebrate too. We redeemed the traitors among us, by allowing them to nourish our crops. We started producing honey and making trade goods. With the help of the Duracave solar generators, we got a mill up and running and we grew our new community. Most of us can remember the excitement when we found the Newuskin machine and got it working. I’ll never forget the celebration that night, I had no idea so many people could fit in my bunker.
We created a community and an amazing system of governance based on what our forefathers believed and everything we knew about how government works. The reliability of the Duracave products along with our steadfast beliefs have served us well up until now. However, our values and way of life will be tested when we meet other large groups. If we want to convince these people that our system is right and work together to rebuild this great nation, we have to put our best foot forward. We are going to be battling for hearts and minds and I think we can do better. Since we are about to adjourn for our summer vacation, I thought I’d raise some concerns and give us all something to contemplate over the next 5 weeks.
Although this is nothing new and you’ve heard it many times before Alden, you can’t just start a filibuster every time we try to discuss cutting back on the number of people we have working the bullet presses. You’re delaying our legislative calendar and everyone’s sick of hearing you read that shotgun care guide over and over again! I understand that you believe defense spending is important, heck, when I was running for President part of my platform was to have at least 3 people on the presses all day. However, things have changed. We’ve thinned the herd and dispatched all of our enemies. We have more ammunition than we could ever shoot. We should at least have the ability to discuss what we might do with an extra person if we cut the press workforce down to two.
Secondly, Virginia, you have to stop sneaking amendments into our spending bills. You know that those things hardly ever get read. I wasn’t the only one surprised to learn last week that we had approved a law allowing the people living by the creek first dibs on any new housewares. This isn’t the first time you snuck into the congressional tent after everyone was asleep, opened the folder, and wrote in something for your constituents. If it doesn’t stop, we’re going to have to completely review each and everything that we vote on. Do you know how long that is going to take?
Speaking of spending and sweetheart deals, I believe it’s time to end the subsidy on honey. I’m sorry Dale, but it has become clear to me that the program has more to do with your personal relationships than with any market disruption the Duracave Environmental Collectors are causing. Violet is a wonderful woman. She’s done a great job building new hives and increasing production but she doesn’t really need extra rations. You are the Secretary of the Treasury, so I try to listen to your perspective on financial policy but I think it’s clear that you’re leading with your heart instead of your head on this issue.
Finally, we need to talk about your committee appointments Caroline. I don’t think a President has ever had a better VP. You and your family have lost more than most but you still keep pressing on. Your perseverance is an inspiration to us all. Even your dog is amazing. Beuford is one of the finest hunting dogs I’ve ever known, but you have to stop appointing him to committee positions. If and when we meet these new people, and we’re explaining our political philosophy, we can’t have a dog thrown into the mix. We all love Beu, but you can see how others might not understand why we’ve appointed a dog to a planning committee.
Look, when we founded this community we had over 100 people. Some of us got sick and others had to be dealt with because they only pretended to share our values. There may be less than 70 of us now, but almost everyone has some sort of government position and I’m confident that we all share a singular vision. We need to do our best to work together and iron out these wrinkles that could lead others to question our political system. I don’t know about you, but I like the way things are going, and think we could use a few more like-minded faces around camp. Let’s work on these issues, put our best foot forward, and show people that we’ve not only kept the government going through all this turmoil, but we’ve made it better.
Ted Ronner
President of the United Bunkers
