For over 50 years the Lahaina Merchants Association’s weekly auctions have given islanders a place to buy food, water, and the rest of life’s necessities at a reasonable price. Many of you rely on our auctions to provide a safe and easy place to restock your stores and talk with your neighbors. We couldn’t be more thankful for your patronage. But every now and then something beyond the essentials passes our way that sparks a little excitement. Whether you’re a collector, history enthusiast, or just interested in something unique, we are pleased to offer you a little piece of the past.
A group of Kānaka warriors recently went on an excursion to clear the lava fields, when they stumbled upon an underground Veilcorp storage facility, full of mutants and rare items. While they kept many of the treasures they liberated from the creature’s claws, we managed to get our hands on some of the most intriguing items. We couldn’t be more thrilled to include them in this weekend’s auction.
As usual, the event will be held at the Merchants Association House, and bidding begins Saturday at 8:00 am. A light breakfast and hors d’oeuvres will be served and refreshing Whalanimal will be provided to wash it all down. An event as special as this needs a special officiant, so President Alan Kalepa himself will serve as your guest auctioneer. Here are the items that everyone will be talking about for the next few days.
An oscillating automated barbel. Long known to be the pinnacle of personal exercise technology, this oscillating barbel will tone and tighten you in no time. The magenta and cream color pattern is still quite bright with limited fading and chipping. Don’t let the unit’s modest 2.5 pound weight fool you, when this thing starts shaking you are in for quite a workout. Perfect for getting those hard corded arms you’ve always wanted to show off at the beach, or beat off an attack. Imagine the luxury of getting stronger from the safety of your home with little effort. The barbels are fully charged and come with a slightly damaged recharging cord.
An unmatched set of rubber clogs. Made sometime in the early 2000’s. You’ll feel like you’re walking on the clouds in these shoes. The bright yellow left and camouflage patterned right shoe may not be much to look at by modern standards, but they are a living testament to the durability of manufacturing before the fracture. The clogs still have a decent amount of tread and the multiple hole pattern allows your feet to breathe, keeping them dry in the wettest conditions. Made from antimicrobial rubber outlawed in 2035 due to its neonatal-cortical effects, they are completely mold and bacteria-free. At size 11, these shoes will fit most adults. Don’t miss your chance to walk a mile in the shoes of our ancestors.
Finally we come to the centerpiece of this week’s auction, a beautiful pineapple ukulele. Made from koa wood, this fine instrument was born right here on the islands by some of the greatest craftsmen the world has ever known. Our archivists have dated its construction to between 1928-1933, right in the middle of the golden age of pineapple ukuleles. We have restrung this 180-year-old piece of art with titanium strings to offer a bright tone, while at the same time providing more projection and volume. This treasure will be a stunning conversation piece, sure to be the envy of your friends; or for those of you so inclined, a wonderful way to explore music with an instrument with deep Hawaiian roots. Instruments this old and in this quality do not show up often, so the price is sure to go high. Don’t get left out of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own a piece of the past.
Previewing and inspecting the merchandise is encouraged prior to bidding. All items are sold “As Is” with no exceptions. All auction sales are final. It is the bidder’s responsibility to determine the condition of each item prior to sale. All property is to be removed immediately upon payment. All items must be paid for immediately after the auction. We accept Rai or an equivalent amount of trade goods. (The Lahaina Merchants Association retains the right to determine the value of any trade goods offered as part of a barter.) See you there!
