STORYLINE

The Kanaka Guide To Green Ladies

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The Fracture didn’t just destroy much of the old world, it produced a number of new problems for we Kānaka to overcome. Many animals grew large and angry. Water and food became scarce. On top of that, a number of creatures were born to test our strength. The Menehune scuttle in the dark dismantling anything they find working and taking down the unwary. The Night Marchers use their brute strength, speed, and cunning to hunt us like animals for food. But there is one new horror born after the fracture that the Kānaka fear most, the Green Ladies.

The accident tore down and damaged people as well as buildings. According to the legends the Kānaka rebuilt themselves with the power of the land itself, giving them a good foundation and making them strong and resilient. The Green Ladies however fortified themselves with the darkness and seclusion of the deep forest, some people say that they came out of the labs in the old train station, but they seem to avoid this area.

From a distance you might make the misfortune of confusing a Green Lady for a person. They appear like tall women with green skin. Thorny vines surround their bodies and sweet smelling flowers bloom from their hair. Some say that the color of the flowers represent different kinds of Green Ladies with different abilities, but most think it’s just a natural variation like your hair.

They are excellent mimics and can make the calls of many birds and animals. Their voices sound like the wind rustling through the leaves or the howling of a storm when they are angry. The stories say that they are unable to speak but can communicate by talking directly in your mind. A Green Lady is a master of camouflage and almost completely silent in the jungle, so chances are if you see one it is because she is hunting you.

Green Ladies seem to have a symbiotic relationship with the vines that surround them. During the day they spend most of their time absorbing energy from the sun and can sit perfectly still in one spot for many hours. They say that man can not live on bread alone, and so to is the sun inadequate for the needs of these creatures. They need blood, preferably from the young.
The Kānaka say they prefer the blood of the young because it contains the most vitality. Newuskin blood is a particular favorite. The Thrivers on the other hand, say the preference is because there are specific molecules in old blood that inhibit cell development, but they thought the veil was safe too, so who knows.

The monsters are incredibly fast and can move quickly through the deepest brush. Their speed and erratic movements make them incredibly hard to target with a firearm. Your best weapon against a Green Lady is a large group. Your second best weapon is some sort of chopping instrument or fire. They have a great fear of flames.

Unlike the other horrors bred from the fracture, Green Ladies retain much of their intelligence, twisted as it is. There are many stories about people making deals with the creatures trading blood for safety or some service. The old story of the Green Lady of Keali’i Gulch is one such example. Just like in the story, an agreement made with one of these creatures is unlikely to turn out well, as they can hear your surface thoughts making lying difficult.

Unlike the Night Marchers, Green Ladies are exceedingly cautious. They tend to pick off stragglers and lone wanderers making your best defense against them a large group. Because they rely on the sun to build up energy they are most active at night. In fact, a well fed Green Lady is unlikely to attack if you pass near one in the day time.

To stay safe in Green Lady territory there are a couple of quick and easy rules: go out an hour after sunrise, go home at least an hour before dark, carry a way to make a fire, only travel in groups, and if you suddenly smell flowers or hear the sound of the wind when it’s not blowing don’t run. Not because it is going to trigger the predatory instincts of the Green Lady about to drain your blood, but because it’s already too late.

STORYLINE

Pana and the Lahaina Armory

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The Kanaka believe that everyone is given the same two things when they are born. The world gives you a purpose and your ancestors give you a special skill. As you work your way through life, it is your job to discover your purpose and to cultivate your skill. It is not easy. In fact, it is one of the hardest parts of life. Often your purpose and your skill don’t have anything to do with one another. Many lose their way while trying to find their purpose. Some never get a chance to practice their skill before it is time to rejoin their ancestors, leading to much anger and discontent. However, A rare few seem to have a special insight and know from an early age what their life should look like and what they should do. Auntie Pana is one such person. Her purpose in life is to provide those around her with the tools necessary to protect themselves and the ones they love, and her skill is gunsmithing.

Before the fracture the building we all know now as The Armory was a museum. There people could look at ancient artifacts and learn not just the history of the islands but of other places and cultures as well. It is where Pana’s parents met, worked, and fell in love. It was also their sanctuary after the accident. The Armory’s strong walls and roof allowed it to survive the chaos while other structures were laid to waste. Being a museum, it was not at the top of the list for looting, so Pana’s parents didn’t have to worry about bandits or desperate survivors. There probably isn’t a perfect place to try and ride out the end of a civilization, but her mother thought this was as close as they were going to get. Her parents gathered all their surviving extended family and tried to make new lives for themselves.

Pana was different from other children, her sister Oki included. While her sister delighted in picking flowers to decorate the halls, and hearing tales of great battles and heroes, before going to the beach to look for shark teeth, Pana was more reserved. She would spend her days inside learning how things worked and building herself toys from broken or discarded gear. Above all, she loved her grandfather’s old revolver and was never found without it. Her father worried that such an item was inappropriate or dangerous for someone so young, but her mother reassured him that it hadn’t worked since she herself was a little girl and they didn’t have any bullets. Since it seemed to give her so much comfort they agreed to let her have it. While most girls her age had a favorite blanket or doll to help them go to sleep, Pana tucked the revolver beneath her pillow every night before drifting off. It was one such night that Pana’s skill first revealed itself.

Her father was awoken by a noise coming from outside. A team of deadly forest boars were rooting and tearing through the family garden. Her father ran to awaken the rest of the family to try and drive the beasts off and save their food. Just as he was gathering the spears they would need he heard a gunshot. Fearing that bandits were attacking he began to barricade the front door when he noticed little Pana slip through a window. In her hand she held her grandfather’s smoking revolver, “I topped da boes fum eating our food daddy,” she proudly proclaimed.

The adults cautiously went to the garden only to find a large boar with one clean hole directly in the shoulder; the perfect place to drop the creature. At barely 4, Pana had not only fixed the gun but had made a handful of cartridges. At her father’s urging, Pana showed him the tools she had made including a reloading press constructed from a bike pump and an old waffle iron. Amazed at her ingenuity and talent, the family began to indulge the girl’s desire to learn and innovate. Not to be outdone by her sister, Oki proved to be remarkable in her own right, becoming a master of the more traditional arms of the islands.

While her sister’s creations are full of flourish and intricate designs, Auntie Pana has become a master of no frills precision and dependable mechanics. In contrast to the well kept and immaculately decorated rooms of The Armory run by her sister, Pana’s workshop in a hodgepodge of tools, partially completed projects, and “items of promise”. Oki often quips that her sister is “a ballistic goddess, not a domestic one.” But her abilities and skill are no joke. Her tree cannons are well known on the island and feared by bandits and creatures of the fracture alike. Her internalized cocking mechanisms are ingenious. Her automatic ejector systems are divine. Pana learned her purpose at a very young age and has been honing her skills for over 50 years now. There is no better place to buy a weapon on the island than The Armory, and there is no better gunsmith than Auntie Pana.

STORYLINE

My Day With an Expert: Auntie Oki

An expert is someone who has a special skill or knowledge in a certain area that nobody else has. There are many experts on the island. Some are really good at finding water, knowing what the animals are going to do, or fixing things that break. Sometimes people argue about who’s the best expert at certain things but when it comes to shark-toothed weapons everyone agrees. Nobody is as good as Auntie Oki. When I learned that we had to spend a day with an expert for this assignment, I knew right away that I wanted to spend a day with her.

Oki and her sister Pana run the armory. Before the fracture the armory used to be a museum. Lots of people would come to look at all kinds of old stuff, not just weapons. Since the accident, the sister’s family have made it the best place to buy the equipment you need to protect yourself and keep you alive if you’re out exploring.

Leiomano is an old Hawaiian word that means “lei of the shark”. Today it’s a word that means any kind of shark-toothed weapon and it is Oki’s specialty. She says that making leiomano is a form of art and she tries to make each of her weapons as suitable for framing on the wall as they are at slicing through a Nightmarcher.

Every morning Oki puts on her beach hat and sets out just before sunrise to look for shark teeth. “You find the best ones right at dawn,” she says. Oki prefers tiger shark teeth but says you can use any heavily serrated species like dusky, bull, or even great white teeth. Even though the pointy teeth of the different kind of reef sharks look cool, Oki says they don’t cut very well so she only uses them for decoration or toys.

She carries the teeth back home in specially made bundles of hau tree cloth and palm fibers to avoid the teeth cracking or becoming dull by rubbing against each other. In her workshop, Oki lays out all the teeth, grades them, and decides what color schemes, patterns, and weapon types each tooth would be good for.

Oki says that every tooth, tusk, and antler she finds has a place and that there are a numerous opportunities in every home to “tastefully weaponize the decor”. She is almost as well known for her nontraditional creations as she is for her leiomano work. Every night Oki teaches a class on creative armament design for anyone interested in the subject. She says her exclusive line of boar-tusk brooms are, “easy to use and are as deadly as they are elegant.” But when it comes to shark teeth she does things the old way.

Oki treats the teeth with a special process handed down through her family to make them hard and less brittle. Even though I asked politely, she wouldn’t tell me what it was. She only uses koa or milo wood in her weapons. She says that they are the most durable and fit in well with almost any color palette.

Some people say that the best way to secure a tooth to a weapon is to lash it without drilling holes or use a strong epoxy or glue. Oki says those methods are lazy and can lead to tooth or life loss in battle, as well as a missed opportunity to add exciting accent features to a weapon. Auntie Oki uses a small laser drill to score her treated shark teeth before punching a hole with a handmade sandalwood awl. She says you can’t make beautiful weapons unless you’re using beautiful tools.

The ancient Hawaiians believed a lot of weird things about teeth. They believed that shark teeth could protect you from shark attacks and made warriors more brave. They also believed that if you took a molar from a fallen enemy and inlay it in a club, the mana from the slain warrior was transferred to the weapon, giving its owner more spiritual power. Owning a shark-toothed weapon was a great honor and would make its wielder almost impervious to harm. But Oki says her creations are for display and devastation purposes only, not for spiritual protection.

If you are looking for: a Koa axe, a niho knife, a hoe leiomano paddle, or just a simple shark-toothed club, there is no better place to look than the armory. My mom says that I’m still too young to get a pololu spear, but when I grow up, I know Oki will make me a beautiful one that will match my favorite boots.

Akamai Mahelona
4th Grade
Pu`u School Lahaina

STORYLINE

The Legend of Mark, the Last Hailoha Driver

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A long time ago when everything still worked and my grandpa was young, there were roads paved with something called asphalt everywhere and most people had cars. If you wanted to go somewhere nearby, you’d get into your car by yourself or with a bunch of people and just drive there. That worked good most of the time but sometimes people drank too much or they were really tired and driving was dangerous. People were getting hurt a lot so they decided it would be better to have drivers take you where you needed to go. Back then you could use phones to talk to other people and make the drivers come to where you were. There were lots of drivers on the island but the best one was Mark.

Like a lot of the old things the drivers went away when the veils fractured, but some people say that Mark and his car survived. Nobody knows how he made it, since he wasn’t on the hill with the rest of the smart people. Some say he was a scientist and knew how to protect himself. Others say he made a deal with the spirits on the island. According to the stories if you’re on Front street during a new moon you might see Mark driving his car. Some people say that you need to have a working phone to make him stop but others say you just truly need to get somewhere to catch his attention.

Mark’s car is black so it’s hard to see and it doesn’t make any noise. It is made out of a special metal that can’t be dented and nothing happens if you shoot it. The tires never go flat too. He has been up and down Front street so many times that he doesn’t need to use the lights on his car. Mark just knows where the bad spots are and drives around them. It’s easy for him to drive right past someone without them noticing so you have to pay real close attention if you go and look for him. He knows what’s in each building he drives past, so you can’t surprise him.

They say that Mark can tell if someone is good or bad and bad people who try to get Mark to take them somewhere never arrive. If you’re good, Mark will protect you and bring you where you need to go. You never have to tell Mark where you want to go he just knows somehow. All the monsters who live in the jungle are scared of Mark especially the Menehune. According to the stories, any Menehune who see Mark turn into wood, but that seems like a lie to me, so it’s probably not true.

If Mark stops to give you a ride you have to pay him and he doesn’t accept rai stones. The stories say that Mark’s favorite things are cigarettes and Manimal drinks. He will take you anywhere you want if you have enough of those, but he’ll accept other things too. Some of the other things that Mark will take for payment include: canned food, old books, honey, alcohol, or even jokes and good stories.

Even though Mark is mostly good in the stories (unless you’re a bad person) he has some rules that you have to follow. If Mark stops to pick you up, you have to give him his payment right away. He doesn’t like to ask for payment. He likes listening to old music in his car. If you try and talk over the old music or ask him to turn it down he’ll stop the car and make you get out. If you complain, he’ll honk the horn to let all the monsters and bandits know where you are. Mark has a bowl filled with peppermint candies in his car that he shares with anyone that he takes for a ride. You can take one of the candies but only one. If you take more, he’ll take you where he takes bad people and you’ll never be seen again.

Mark The Hailoha Driver is a good story but the only person I know who says he’s real is my Grandpa and sometimes he lies to me so I’m not sure. There might have been a guy named Mark who did all that stuff after everything broke, but my dad says Front street is really dangerous so Mark would have to be really tough, tougher than my dad. I think it would be awesome if there really was a Mark. When I get older I want to go down to Front street on a new moon and look for him, but probably with some other people.

Akamai Mahelona
4th Grade
Pu`u School Lahaina

STORYLINE

Chilean Resort Set To Debut Veil Lift System

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There’s no doubt that the tourism economy has seen a huge boost in the past 10 years thanks to Veilcorp gateway technology. No single share of that boost has been bigger than the one seen by luxury destinations. Some analysts predict that this year, the total contribution of travel and tourism to the global economy will top $15 trillion. With those kind of numbers it’s no wonder why so many high-end ski resorts have popped up in the South America.

Nestled in the Andes just a short drive Northeast of Santiago is Villa del Derrochador. There are a lot of destination resorts in the area now, but Derrochador remains the standard by which all other are measured. It is their newest feature on their main slope however, that will put them miles ahead of the competition.

Each of their 30 suites comes with a personal butler to attend to your every need, and is personally decorated to your wishes before you arrive. Staff will craft a home away from home if you want with furnishings similar to your own, including family pictures. If you would prefer a more rustic look with indigenous Mapuche art or modern asian trappings, the Villa can accommodate you too.

Drink cocktails with hand crafted cubes carved from 10,000-year-old glacial ice in the lavious dining area. The chef cooks over heated lava rock using native high-elevation herbs and flowers instead of traditional condiments to produce some of the best seafood dishes in the world. A warm bowl of his award winning Valdiviano is close to heaven.

After a long day on the slopes feel free to warm-up in the heated infinity pool or enjoy a glass of their award winning wine. Did I mention that you can take one of the onsite helicopters for a ride to tour their private vineyard? Couple all these amenities with the low number of guests, and you can feel like the slopes are your private ski sanctuary. It is no wonder that Villa del Derrochador tops the list of South American getaways. But just when you thought it couldn’t get any more opulent, the Villa is set to unveil its greatest attraction yet.

In combination with the Chilean government and Veilcorp, Derrochador will debut the most expensive ski lift system in the world because there are no lifts. On the main slope skiers will now be veiled from the bottom to the top. “When you go on a ski vacation you want to ski, not sit in an uncomfortable chair up the slope, or worse yet, inside a little box crammed with others for long periods of time. With our new system our guests can be back to the top in less than 20 seconds after a run,” says Villa director Hector Alonso.

Alonso says the new veil lift is the culmination of years of work between Veilcorp, the government, and Derrochador. Officials have been quietly installing and testing the system for months and plan on highlighting the system as a key feature in a future advertising campaign. A local official says, “The people at Veilcorp and Villa del Derrochador have been wonderful to work with and it is our hope that this will further make the case that there is no better place to ski in the world. I can’t wait to try out the lift myself!”

While Alonso is excited about the lift too he has his eyes set on even bigger prizes. “Eventually we’d like to get the lift system working immediately during a run. We envision a time in the near future where your trip down the hill only ends when you want it to. Imagine being instantaneously transported to the top of the slope while you’re still skiing. You could literally ski all day. That is our immediate goal. We’re working closely with Veilcorp engineers and I think we are close,” he says.

That’s not all. The bigger plan according to Veilcorp sources in Lahaina is the creation of a number of partner resorts spread across the world with linked systems. Imagine making a run down your favorite slope in Nevada and near the end finding yourself at the top of the trail at Derrochador, then on a beach in Maui ready to enjoy the breeze and a few hours of surfing to warm up. A skier could make one long continuous run down all of his or her favorite destinations and end the day watching the sunset while riding the waves. “The price? It would be incredibly expensive. This would be a bucket list thing for most people, but in my experience fun is always expensive,” the source says. Personally, I can think of no better way to spend a lifetime of savings than on the ultimate ski/surf package.

Jeff Curtis
Lifestyle Editor
Destination Ski Magazine

STORYLINE

U.N. Releases Report on Recycling Cartels

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A troubling report was released today about the vast number of men, women, and children who are forced to spend their days sifting through trash looking for valuable recyclables. The U.N. claims that over 3 million people are made to harvest plastics, metals, and other raw materials by so-called “Recycling Cartels”. According to the report, the huge drop in oil prices and other global-economic disruptions have created an environment conducive to the cartel’s operations. They estimate that the number of forced laborers will grow to 5 million within the next 10 years.

While the authors were careful not to focus on any underlying blame, that has not stopped many in the media from doing so. Veilwatch founder Tim Durney says it’s clear who is to blame for the issue, Veilcorp. Durney says that the problem began in 2039 when 182 countries signed the Gateway Travel Accord, making veil transportation legal and easy worldwide.

He says that the world was not ready for the economic realities of having a ultra-cheap workforce available in any country and the ensuing collapse of transportation sectors. With so many people out of work or displaced, Durney contends that it was inevitable that bad-actors would exploit the impoverished and fill the void left by failed governments.

“The truth of the matter is that mankind was not ready for the box Veilcorp opened when they unleashed this dangerous technology. The problem started when they signed the GTA. We saw massive protests, numerous failed states across the globe, and wars. Not content with that, Oeming started his Icarus project and solar production of 127 began. It was like adding a supercharger to Veilcorp’s engine of destruction. Now we find out that millions of people have to pick through trash just so they have access to food and shelter. These cartels used to make their money doing terrible things: human trafficking, gun running, drugs, you name it, and now thanks to Veilcorp, forcing people to sort through garbage pays better,”

Durney says.

Former U.S. Secretary of State Patrick Swalwell, who signed the Gateway Travel Accord, disagrees. He says that every new technology causes a period of uncertainty. Swalwell maintains that the extraordinary nature of veil technology may be causing a larger ripple than normal, but in the end, economies will adapt. “The reality is that unfortunately right now there are places where gathering recyclable materials is economically feasible. I think these groups are deplorable but I disagree with the U.N. report. I believe in history, and history has shown that issues like this will reset and resolve themselves after a period of transition.”

Durney counters, “This is the same song and dance we’ve heard again and again. They say that the only way to fix things is to let the chaos run its course. The only way we can learn how to use this technology is to let terrible things happen. But we have to ask ourselves, were we ready for this? Are we really ready for a leap this big? I believe the answer is clearly, no!. You wouldn’t give a room full of toddlers guns and say that some are just going to have to shoot themselves until they learn how to use them responsibly.”

Veilcorp spokesperson Lisa Hunt says she finds the report troubling, but pushes back against claims that the company is responsible. Hunt says that the company has strict guidelines about what sorts of materials can be transported and follows all applicable laws in the areas the corporation does business in. She contends that Durney’s allegations are grandstanding and nothing new.

To claims that the company should take the lead in addressing the cartel problem, she says,

“We are not the world’s hall monitors or the global morality police. We are a company that transports goods and people across the globe in a safe and enjoyable manner. That’s it. Blaming Veilcorp for failed states and what amounts to slavery is absurd. I don’t recall hearing about steel manufacturers being blamed for the world’s knife attacks. I wish all this outrage, both real and manufactured, would be directed where it belongs, at the cartels and governments that allow this inhumane practice to continue. We could demand the expansion of recycling facilities to help cut the money out of this barbaric practice. Governments could work to restore order in the areas where the cartels operate and give these people a chance at a better life by finding jobs. I happen to know a company that is pretty good at helping people get to work everyday. Let’s start blaming the people who actually robbed the bank and not the people who made the car they got away in.”

STORYLINE

How a simple noodle shop became a Lahaina institution

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With so many things to experience and places to see, new visitors frequently have a hard time deciding what to do while in Lahaina. Options include: snorkeling, whale watching, swimming, golf, eco-tours, ziplines, ATV rides, kayaking, shopping downtown, or just enjoying a beverage on one of the world’s most beautiful beaches. The choices are almost endless. If you ask a local what to do while on the island you’ll most likely hear a combination of the things above. If you ask them where to eat, chances are one name will come up over and over again, “Hula Noodle.”

Built back in 2025 by Ralph Umeke, the noodle shop has become a favorite of Lahaina residents and one of the hottest spots on the island thanks to its history and Umeke himself. Known simply as “Uncle Ralph” by the locals, Umeke started Hula Noodle to be “a place where you could grab a warm bowl of food before work, or after a long day surfing, without a lot of fuss or people bothering you.”

Ralph’s dishes have won a number of awards over the years. A quick check will reveal that it is the highest-rated food stop in Lahaina, and Umeke has won the coveted Platinum SSHAM Can every year of the competition. “I just really like noodles. They’re easy to make and eat,” he says. When asked about his secret for making world-class noodles he answers in typical Uncle Ralph fashion, “It’s very easy. If I make a bowl of food that isn’t delicious, I fix it or throw it out and make a bowl that is delicious.”

His policy of asking tourists to make room for regulars when the shop is busy and asking anyone he deems too loud to leave has won the hearts of many. All new visitors are treated the same inside Hula Noodle, and Umeke has famously asked many high-profile guests to leave for being too disruptive. “Those Manimal people were in here once. That surfing girl and the big guy who drinks too fast. They just wanted to take pictures, so I threw them out,” he says. Ironically, Hula Noodle might not be as widely known as it is now if it weren’t for one person’s memorable visit back in 2031.

Ralph says, “This guy walks in carrying a stack of papers one morning and asks for a breakfast bowl. I gave him his food and he just sits there doing paperwork. Eventually, I told him that unless his momma was going to ground him for not doing his book report he should eat before it got cold. I don’t reheat food. He smiled and thanked me for the advice. Then he asks me what I thought of the new Veilcorp station being built. I said I just make noodles, I’ll leave the extradimensional travel to those guys. As long as tourists pay their bills and are respectful of the place I didn’t care if they arrived by submarine or got pulled out of a magician’s hat. He laughed, said he’d do his best to make sure that the rowdy tourists were screened out, and asked if I knew a good place to buy a submarine. It was the founder of Veilcorp, Eric Oeming.”

Oeming came back every day during the construction of the Veilcorp facility and the two became good friends. The Veilcorp CEO made it a custom to treat any dignitaries or famous visitors with a meal at Hula Noodle. Word spread quickly and soon business was booming. “To be honest it’s a bit too much sometimes,” Umeke says. The shop became a destination for foodies and celebrities alike but much to the delight of his neighbors, Uncle Ralph kept the shop rules the same: make room for locals and keep the noise down to a minimum.

The no-nonsense noodle chef and the brilliant scientist hanging out downtown became a common sight and the unlikely duo amused residents. The shop turned into an unofficial extension of Oeming’s office with many deals being signed over a noodle bowl. A small plaque still hangs over a corner chair that reads: “Eric’s seat”.

Things changed for the friends in 2041 when dozens were killed in an attack at a Velicorp function including Oeming’s wife and daughter. “It was the first time that Hula Noodle was closed for more than a few days,” says Umeke. “It was like I lost part of my own family.” With reporters everywhere on the island, the shop became a sanctuary for Oeming. “I don’t talk about that stuff. If and when Eric does that’s up to him, but he hasn’t so far, so neither am I,” says Ralph when asked about the first few days after the attack.

The pair remain good friends but Oeming’s public appearances have all but stopped in the ensuing years. “We still talk a lot, but he’s a really busy man these days. He knows he always has a seat in the shop, as long as he keeps it down,” says Uncle Ralph with a smile.

The Hula Noodle became a beacon of hope for the rest of Lahaina as well last year after the devastation of hurricane Neki. The fact that the shop made it through the storm unscathed while so many others lost everything was seen as a good omen by many. “It was like a sign that the storm couldn’t break our spirit. Everyone’s love for the Hula Noodle kept it safe, and it was a reminder that we were just bent, not broken,” says Mayor Albert Cravalho.

Umeke says the shop made it through because of the hard work of his neighbors who helped fill sandbags before the storm hit, a little luck, and some upgrades to the building over the years thanks to Veilcorp engineers. “I try to remain humble, but being best friends with a genius billionaire has its benefits.”

STORYLINE

Announcing the Kokua Pet Rejuvenation Center and Spaw

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For over 6 years, The Kokua Wellness center and spa has been the premier destination for mindful relaxation and facilitated personal growth. We strive to not only respect the therapies and techniques of the past but also explore the wonders of cutting-edge technology. We are constantly evaluating new procedures to better serve your needs, and things are about to become more wonderful. As you know, last year our facility was one of the few chosen to partner with Vereserum to bring you their amazing Newuskin technology. The demand has been nothing short of extraordinary.

We’ve never been happy to simply reside in the realm of wonderful, however. Instead, we believe in manifesting the phenomenal through hard work with our partners and visualizing success. Bolstered with our intentions, and unrestrained by government rules on human testing, our Newuskin family have created the most advanced pet revitalization and shaping center in the world. We are proud to announce the opening of the Kokua Pet Rejuvenation Center and Spaw.

Now both you and your four-legged family member can receive the pampering you deserve. Simply drop off your pet, and choose from a number of our exclusive offerings. While we’re helping you reach your potential through one of our many classes, or creating a better you with Newuskin, we’ll be working hard to give you a companion worthy of your attention.

One of the most unfortunate aspects of pet ownership is all the hair. The help is constantly working to remove it from the floors and furniture. Grooming is too time-consuming and most vets say that waxing is not an appropriate option. If you’ve ever had to leave a social function because of the crushing embarrassment of having rogue pet hair on your clothing, you’ll love Vereserum’s new shed-resistant hair technology.

With this exciting treatment, you can ensure that your pet’s hair stays where it belongs, on your pet. With a simple touch-up every 90 days you can say goodbye to the groomer forever, and let your cleaning staff devote their attention to more important tasks. For an additional nominal fee, we can match your pet’s coat to a specific outfit. Instead of being humiliated by your pet’s hair, turn them into the perfect accessory that you always hoped they’d be.

This new technology can even expand the usefulness of your pet’s hair with an iridescent and bioluminescent fur upgrade. Now your pet’s coat can truly shine! Effortlessly spot your animal at night, and make it easier for them to be seen by motorists. This offering is perfect if you have young children who are scared of the dark. Imagine the security they’ll feel by having their own personal four-legged nightlight.

Short of keeping them inside a sealed container, there is no way to completely protect your pet from the dangers and filth of the outdoors. Nothing is as bad as the horror of a flea or tick infestation. Even the most pampered pooch can be exposed to these tiny nightmares from less vigilant pet owners. In the past, your options were limited to potentially toxic sprays, drops, and collars, or simply getting a new pet, which can be emotionally difficult. Now, you have a better choice.

Vereserum’s repellent skin deters parasites with an all-natural chemical barrier that stays with your pet for up to 3 months. In addition, the treatment slightly thickens your pet’s epidermis making it more resilient to irritation. In some cases, we’ve seen up to an 80% reduction in unsightly scratching or rubbing. Give your pets the skin you and they deserve.

Despite the best breeding, sometimes your furry family member grows into a disappointment. Breed standards are stringent, and until now pet owners were forced to live with imperfections. With total pet rejuvenation, you can finally have the perfect pet. Your animal will not only receive the shed-resistant hair and the skin upgrade, but we will reshape its features to perfectly match the standards of its breed. (Note: this process disqualifies your pet from showing in most animal clubs and associations.) Imagine the pride you’ll feel when that slightly crooked tail is finally straight or that bent ear stands tall as it should for an animal befitting its station.

Due to the number of inquiries, we will be expanding our offerings to now include pigs and rabbits as well as cats and dogs. Of course, you’ll still be able to enjoy some of our more established programs including our holistic grooming classes and ultra-whitening teeth procedures. Call to inquire about times and availability. We will discuss pricing and payment options in person at the facility. Sorry, we are not offering any financing options at this time. No walk-ins, please. Hurry, as we expect high demand and have a limited number of openings. Be sure to ask about animal ceremplants! They make training easy, and better yet allow for a two-way relationship with your cat, dog, pig, or rabbit.

STORYLINE

New Abramo Chop House Menu Unveiled

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Welcome to Robert Abramo’s Chop House on Aloha Shores.

We pride ourselves on being a meat eater’s dream. All of our beef is USDA Prime, and our pork is organic and locally sourced. Our meats are all hand carved from the whole animal to ensure quality and value. You may be wondering why there are no vegetarian, chicken, or seafood main courses on the menu. Simply put, we believe that “higher animals” taste the best and that vegetables are best used to feed our 4-legged entrees.

APPETIZERS

Baked Goat Cheese with Roasted Garlic – 11

Grilled Artichoke with Roasted Garlic Aïoli – 11

Teriyaki Short Rib Bites – 15

Fried Calimara – 15

Jumbo Lump Crab Cake – 17

Seared Rare Wild Yellowfin Tuna (Ahi) – 17

Wild Jumbo Shrimp Cocktail – 17

SOUPS & SALADS

New England Clam Chowder – 11

Crab Bisque – 11

French Onion with Gruyère – 12

Tableside Caesar for Two or More price per person – 12

Roasted Beets & Garrotxa Goat Cheese – 14

Crunchy Iceberg Wedge with bacon, tomato, & blue goat cheese – 14

PRIME STEAKS

Less than 3% of all beef in the U.S. is graded USDA Prime. Each of our hand-cut steaks is cooked in a broiler to sear the outside keeping the inside tender, juicy, and delicious. All of Robert Abramo’s steaks are cooked with seasoned butter and guaranteed to satisfy your primal hunger.

All served with choice of baked potato, garlic mashed potatoes, French fries, or pulled pork
Prime Top Sirloin 10 oz. – 33

Filet Mignon 8 oz. – 44

Filet Mignon 12 oz. – 52

Bone-In Filet Mignon 14 oz. – 59

Prime Ribeye 16 oz. – 49

Prime New York Strip Steak 14 oz. – 46

DRY AGED FOR 28-35 DAYS

Prime Kansas City Strip Steak 18 oz. – 57

Prime Split-Bone Ribeye 20 oz. – 59

Prime Tomahawk Ribeye Chop 42 oz. – 96

Prime Porterhouse 32 oz. – 98

We also offer “Big Bob’s Birthday Steaks” If you give us some warning, we’ll slaughter, carve the cut of your choice and age your meat specifically for your birthday!”

ADD TO YOUR STEAK
Brandi peppercorn sauce – 3

mushrooms and onions – 6

bacon and blue cheese – 11
Our Oscar offer! We would be happy to provide lump crab, asparagus, and hollandaise – 16

The Famous Long Pig Buffet

Our long pig buffet is 10 feet of the the best pork on the island. Deciding which of our 5 different mouth watering preparations is the best can be a most dangerous game. Choose from: 8oz chops, hand-pulled smoked pork, banana leaf roasted loin, red wine braised short rib, and hoisin-honey pork belly.

All you can eat – $50

Our menu is all organic and is specially designed to accommodate a wide variety of carnivorous tastes. We strive to use locally-raised organic meats as much as possible.

-Big Bob Abramo

STORYLINE

Turbine Manufacturer Takes On Veilcorp with Energy Plan

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To say that Veilcorp has been booming the past 5 years is an understatement. The company is now the biggest player in domestic commercial transportation. It is estimated that almost 70% of products shipped in the U.S. spend at least some time passing through a Veilcorp facility. New Veilstations are popping up all over the country as well. Since the company’s technology got the green light to transport people domestically, some are predicting the end of the airline industry. Many businesses in these markets are spinning off into other areas or closing their doors. One company however says they have no plans on making changes or folding, In fact they’re doubling down.

For the past 10 years Creek Propulsion’s Senior Vice President of Supply, Distribution, and Planning Chris Treadwell has been travelling across the islands mapping geothermal power sources. Back in the early 2000’s the U.S. government did a limited amount of mapping itself for a number of renewable energy projects. Between their findings and his work, Treadwell says he has a plan for a better, more efficient and cleaner Hawaii that doesn’t involve Veilcorp.

“Our mapping shows that the big island and Maui could be sustained with geothermal energy. Our revolutionary turbine compressors and pipeline technology can feed all the other island’s power needs. This morning we submitted a comprehensive plan to the legislature detailing how we can help the people of Hawaii and the environment,” says Treadwell.

He says that Creek Propulsion’s turbines have changed the speed in which products can be transported and that their pipelines are able to transport multiple products at once, making the company a better choice than Veilcorp for the islands.

“When you consider the locations of our terminals in the proposal, we are actually better for the environment than Veilcorp. Zapping heavy materials across country might make sense. After all, nobody has created a network of pneumatic tubes that you can send bricks and gravel through, but petroleum products are different. There was a good way to transport them already and we made it great. We believe a lot of Veilcorp business is due to the “Wow Factor”. Having a sticker on your product, or a line in your commercial about how this thing has been sent using gateway technology is in fashion now, but it doesn’t make it better. In fact, we argue that nobody can really say what long-term effect veil technology has on oil or any other product. We also believe that some underpricing issues may be at play here. I think you can draw a lot of parallels between what’s going on now and what Rockefeller and the railroads did in the 1900’s. Look, human beings are always seeking novelty but spoons have been relatively unchanged for thousands of years for a reason. They’re the best tool for the job. I think our technology has reached that spoon-like pinnacle.”

It isn’t just energy and oil transportation that’s on Treadwell’s mind. He has plenty to say about Veilcorp’s reach into the airline industry. Creek Propulsion began as a jet engine manufacturer and engine production is still a large part of the company. Last year, the engine division was responsible for 55% of the company’s profits. That percentage was the lowest in company history and in line with the general downturn others in the industry have seen. Still, the VP says that he is doubtful that veiling will have a major long-term impact on the travel industry. While he concedes that air freight has taken a huge hit, he is optimistic about the future of personal airline travel.

“Again, I think you’re looking at a novelty issue here. I’ve actually tried veiling to another state so I’m not worried. First, it’s too expensive for your typical family. Frankly, it’s not that great. There is a kind of nobility to flying. When you’re skipping over the clouds with the sun shining on your face and you’re brought drinks and snacks it’s like…it makes you feel regal. There is a certain togetherness you feel when you and a bunch of strangers are off to a far away destination. It’s like an adventure. Veiling on the other hand is like waiting in line at the DMV. You have people getting impatient, or scared about what might happen to them. Some people don’t even have luggage because they plan on coming back later in the day. If you’re traveling across the country you should feel like you’re on an expedition not waiting for a bus. No snacks, no drinks, no sense of “we’re in this together”, just long lines waiting to be thrown through the fabric of reality. All of this for an exorbitant amount of money, and questionable effects on your health. Am I worried? No, I think people won’t be giving up the nobility of flight anytime soon.”