The investigation into a recent accident at one of the popular “Pineapples and Oranges” smoothie bars in downtown Lahaina took a strange twist today, thanks to the watchdog group VeilWatch. The group released internal Veilcorp documents which they say prove the explosion at the popular bar was caused by fruit “saturated by high levels of element 127.” Officials say that they are exploring any and all leads regarding the accident which injured 5, but have not had time to review the documents sent to multiple media outlets yet. Veilcorp vehemently denies the group’s claims calling them an “unfortunate but wholly predictable attempt to mislead the public.”
One of the most beloved refreshment stops on Front Street, Pineapples and Oranges, has expanded throughout Maui, but the busiest store remains the original Lahaina location. It’s not unusual to wait 20-30 minutes during peak hours, and the lines on the weekends have become legendary. Given its popularity, officials say it is a miracle that more people were not injured after an explosion rocked the store hard enough to shatter windows on Saturday. Despite early reports of another terror attack, investigators now say they are focusing on a malfunctioning LuWow! blender as the most likely culprit. However, Tim Durney, former investigator for the Iowa Department of Natural Resources, and founder of the watchdog group VeilWatch, says that he believes unprecedented levels of 127 in bananas is responsible, and he has the documents to prove it.
“To be clear, the cause of this explosion which sent 5 innocent people to the hospital was likely smoothie ingredients laden with 127. We’ve released internal Veilcorp communications proving that the corporation knew that 127 has potassium-like affinities making it possible to build up in explosive amounts in certain fruits, like bananas. Thanks to the company’s Icarus project, we’ve already seen what the dangerous levels of 127 currently saturating the Earth can do to animal life. It should come as no surprise that it would have an equally deleterious effect on plants. In fact the emails we released today prove that Veilcorp knew about the potential problem and failed to warn the public. Who knows what else is slowly being charged with 127, and getting ready to blow.”
Veilcorp officials released a short statement reading in part, “Far more dangerous than Mr. Durney’s theoretical banana bomb, is his unfortunate but wholly predictable attempt to mislead the public…We wish those injured this weekend a speedy recovery. It is a shame that Veilwatch chooses to exploit such incidents to further their agenda of misinformation and cloud this investigation.”
While the new accusations may not add any clarity to the situation, one man present during the explosion says he believes the investigators are on the right track. Store manager John Driscol says that one LuWOW! machine in particular is to blame.
“Everyone who works in the Front Street store knows the history of machine number 4. We have 8 commercial blenders at that location, but number 4 has a mind of its own, and it’s troubled. I took this job because I’m a huge smoothie fan, and I didn’t know exactly what a store manager did. I thought I could just delegate most responsibilities. I’m a great delegator, but it turned out the job occasionally demands I be more hands-on than I thought.
Number 4 is the only original smoothie machine left, and it’s had a bad attitude ever since we got rid of its companions. It started making really weird noises during the defrosting cycle at the end of the night. It sounded like a scream mixed with laughter. I thought for sure a bearing was going out, but it’d stop whenever maintenance showed up, and they could never find anything wrong with it. Then, It started making the noise whenever an employee spilled or broke something too. It was really unnerving. It got so bad nobody wanted to use it. Eventually it went too far and things got scary.
One night it was cackling louder than usual, so I told Bobby to take the top off and look inside, hoping that he’d see something that maintenance missed. As soon as he took the top off the cleaning cycle stopped. He saw a big chunk of ice caught in the corner and tried to pull it out. When he stuck his hand in, the thing started again and it took off the tip of his finger. We dumped out the whole tub but never found the gram of flesh it took from Bobby. But it had now tasted blood. It started to make the noise whenever he got close, and he couldn’t take it anymore. Bobby requested a transfer the morning of the incident. I was so mad that I went out there and told number 4 that I’d be damned if I was going to lose a good fruit dicer to an evil smoothie machine. I was in the middle of my rant when it blew. People may think we’re crazy, but everyone at the store knows what happened, and what’s to blame. It was number 4. I’m sorry that so many people were injured, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t going to sleep easier knowing that smoothie machine is gone.”
