STORYLINE

Competition To Crown New Duracave Brand Ambassador Wraps-Up This Weekend

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In a little over 48 hours, Duracave, the popular maker of outdoor and survival gear, will be one step closer to crowning a new brand ambassador. The semi-final leg of the competition wraps up Saturday evening, bringing a group of Duracave enthusiast within reach of becoming the face of the company. Notwithstanding a few hiccups, the competition has been a huge marketing success, with millions following the company’s livestream and watching contest videos.

Almost 2 months ago, Duracave announced the search for a customer to become the new brand ambassador. The company screened thousands of videos looking for a spokesperson who not only used Duracave products, but had “the will, ingenuity, and heart of a real survivor.” Hundreds of hopefuls have been whittled down to a dedicated dozen, who have spent the last 5 days in West Maui with only their skills, what they can find around them, and Duracave products to survive.

Duracave CEO Barrett Stone says he couldn’t be more proud of the contestants who’ve made it this far, “Survival isn’t a game where there’s winners and losers. You either survive or you don’t, it’s that simple. I can’t say that I’m proud of everyone who entered so far, after all there is no such thing as a Duracave participation trophy. Frankly, I cringe a little when I think about some of the contestants we’ve seen using our products, but I can say that I would be proud to drink some purified urine with any of our 12 semi-finalists!”

While many companies have turned towards crowdsourced contests and competitions to promote their products cheaply, Stone says the Duracave challenge is more about brand authenticity.

“All too often consumers see spokespeople who are just paid actors or people with no organic connection to a product. Our customers are just too savvy to believe that models eat cheeseburgers by the handful, or that celebrity don’t have people who handle their finances and credit card bills for them. Duracave lovers don’t have the patience for that kind of nonsense, and we wouldn’t patronize them with a clean-faced spokesperson in freshly pressed pants.

We want a brand ambassador as authentic and real as the struggle to survive is. We want someone who: knows how to gut an ungulate with a sharp rock. Someone who not only knows what the water from a puddle tastes like, but has learned to love it. The kind of person who puts their survival and that of their loved ones above all else, and is willing to do what others won’t to secure it. We want someone ready to do what it takes after a natural disaster or a government insurrection. Our products are valuable tools for people like that, and we want one of them speaking for us.”

Despite authorities having to save one contestant after his handmade outrigger canoe became swamped by waves near Black Rock Beach earlier this week, the competition has gone off without a hitch. Many were concerned that would-be ambassadors would disturb protected areas inside the Lahaina preservation zone. Department of Land and Natural Resources (DLNR) senior investigator Greg Iona says, “So far there haven’t been any problems in that area. In fact, a few haven’t even gone inside the zone so far.”

One such contestant, Lahaina’s own Randy Wilcox, says avoiding wild areas is part of his strategy. “Most people aren’t going to be out in the middle of nowhere when everything goes to hell; they’re going to be in a city. I’m focusing on showing how Duracave can help you survive in an urban setting too.”

So far his strategy has paid off, and his unconventional strategy has made Wilcox a fan favorite.

“Unlike most contestants I’ve chosen a beach area to show-off my skills. While it may be too windy for a structure built from sticks and twine, I’ve built a hut out of empty Manimal cans filled with sand and a few repurposed beach umbrellas. I’ve cubed up a couple cans of SSHAM, and are using them as candles. Not only do they provide enough light to allow me to work on my manifesto at night, but the smell attracts crabs and some of the slower moving seabirds. I’ve been using whatever comes to close to my hut to supplement my stash of Fred’s Famous Raccoon Noodles. I also borrowed my nephew’s “Little Liberty Survival Kit” for this stretch of the competition, and have cobbled together a speargun. I’ve been trying to attract sharks on the other side of the reef with my own blood. Even though I haven’t been able to land one yet; It’s only a matter of time before I’m able to chum one close enough to hit. These other competitors may have worked hard and endured uncomfortable circumstances, but I’m the only one who has actually added blood to their sweat and tears. Duracave deserves nothing less in their next spokesperson!”

STORYLINE

Duracave Recalls Popular Toy Kits That Contain Machetes and Other Dangerous Items

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This morning, Duracave, the popular maker of survival products and systems, has recalled their “Little Liberty Survival Kits”, and their “Junior Jungle Explorer Packs”, after it was discovered that several contained real survival gear. Some parents who bought the packs found dangerous items such as hatchets, machetes, saws, flares, and even highly volatile magnesium ribbon. Duracave CEO Barrett Stone says that a mix-up in the distribution and packaging process led to the unfortunate incident, and the company will refund and replace any kit containing dangerous gear.

Branded with the slogan “Survival Is Child’s Play,” the Durave toy packs were supposed to offer kids a chance to learn about survival techniques through an instructional manual and a wide variety of survival items. The sets were supposed to include items such as: a canteen, a compass, cordage and a canvas tarp, fishing lines and hooks, and several of the company’s “Complete Dinners In a Can,” like Fred’s Famous Raccoon Noodles. However, what some children found inside their kits were sharp blades and dangerous incendiary fire starters.

Stone says a limited number of kits were packed with the wrong items, but the problem is limited to Maui. “We don’t believe that any of the kits in question made it to the mainland.” Barrett says that he understands some of the concern expressed by parents, but thinks the media coverage is a bit overblown.

“We actually considered addressing this issue by just changing the recommended age range to 13+ instead of 6 and above. I believe 13 is a great age to start swinging a machete, and learn how hot and bright magnesium is when it burns, but the lawyers pushed for a total recall, and that’s what we’re doing. I think it’s important to remember that only a few kits contained a handful of questionable items. Mostly kids got a compass, the stuff to make a lean-to, and some cans of food that are guaranteed to be shelf stable for 50 years, hardly anything to get worked up about. We believe that you’re never too young to prepare for the worst, in order to live your best. That’s what these kits are designed for, educating children in a fun way about the rigors of survival.”

Parents who purchased the tainted toy packs however feel like they learned a different lesson, “I’ll never buy anything for my son again without thoroughly looking through it,” says Tanager Lane resident Shelby Pio. Shelby was one of a handful of parents who discovered dangerous items inside the kit she bought her 9-year-old son.

“I came home to find that Troy had hacked down the hibiscus bush in he front yard, and had lit a whole roll of magnesium ribbon in a trash can in his room. The entire house was filled with smoke. It not only burned out the bottom of the can, but all the way through the floor, and also into one of the floor joists. We’re lucky the whole house didn’t catch on fire! This kit not only put my son and home in danger, but now we’re in violation of the neighborhood’s mandatory hibiscus program, and our HOA president called in the building inspector to make sure my house was still safe for habitation. This Junior Jungle Pack has cost me a lot of sleepless nights, and daily fines until the gardener can replace the shrubbery. I would say it is definitely not kid friendly.”

The public uproar has caused an unexpected surge in price for improperly packed kits. Despite, or because of the potentially dangerous items inside, one of the tainted packs can sell for upwards of $1000 now, as collectors buy up as many as they can before they are turned into Duracave. Randy Wilcox, one such collector, says he plans on handing them out to his nieces and nephews for Christmas, despite what might be inside.

“I just think these things are terrific at teaching responsibility, and allowing kids to get an idea of what they are good at. I know I would have been head over heels if I got one of these things when I was young. My friends and I had to play with sharpened lawn mower blades, a bombs made of tin foil and drain cleaner when I was young. This is some top-of-the-line Duracave stuff, not something put together from what you can find in your uncle’s shed. Instead of sheltering these kids, I think it’s important for them to learn what they’re good at, and that some actions have consequences. A kid who can responsibly handle a chunk of burning magnesium might have a great future in demolitions, or the fire dancing arts. A kid who can’t, gets burned and learns a valuable life lesson. There’s no downside!”

STORYLINE

Duracave Gets Greenlight For Line of Stomach-Turning Survival Foods

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Cuisine may not be the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the name Duracave, but CEO Barrett Stone hopes he can change your mind. The company, beloved by survivalists and outdoor enthusiasts alike, just received government approval to expand their product line to include a new suite of emergency survival foods. However, if you’re looking for freeze dried fruit, vacuum sealed rice and beans, or packages of your favorite pasta, you’re out of luck. Offering entrees featuring raccoons, sea birds, and beetle larva, Duracave’s new emergency dinners are turning stomachs as well as heads.

Duracave has been one of the military’s largest contractors for decades, but the introduction of a civilian model of their mobile bunker system 20-years-ago, propelled the company into the public eye. One of the biggest and most successful providers of outdoor gear and technology, the Duracave brand has gained an almost rabidly loyal following.

Branded as “Complete Dinners in a Can,” Duracave canned meals are guaranteed to be shelf stable for up to 50 years. (Barrett claims that the meals will last much longer, but the government won’t allow the company to print how long it can actually last on the label.) Each meal is radiated, then fortified with vitamins and minerals to make every can a complete meal. “Three cans a day, some fresh water, and a little sunlight is all you need to make it through any disaster,” says Stone. Despite the nutritional claims and impressive expiration date, many have questioned the company’s choice of less-than-mouth-watering ingredients. They say the meals are potentially dangerous, and more about being sensational than healthy, a claim that Stone vehemently denies.

“What people don’t understand is that when it all goes to hell, your options are limited. It doesn’t matter if it’s: a nuclear or biological attack, the government unleashing a neutron bomb, a comet strike, or all this veil travel finally destabilizing the Earth’s orbit, and leading to the next ice age, whatever the cause of those final days, the first things to go are the large animals. We tailored these products with that in mind.

We spent many months with some of the finest cooks from around the world to make sure each can tastes almost as good as freedom itself. Some of my favorite meals include: Gull and Gravy, Squirrel Loaf, and Fred’s Famous Raccoon Noodles. We have a number of snack items too like Roach Butter in smooth and extra crunchy styles, and hog cheese. We even have a drink made from mealworms called Grub Juice, for all those smoothie lovers out there.

Nobody can store enough food for a lifetime, and eventually you’ll need to supplement your stores with the real thing. We purposely chose animals that we believe survivors could find in the wild after a cataclysm. Not only will you get all the nutrition you need in each can, you’ll be developing a taste for the kinds of things you’re likely to find living in the rubble. It’s similar to the way you’d transition a pet into a new food a little at a time. The last thing you want in a survival situation is for your stomach to be too weak or irritable to take in the foods you need.”

Even with Mr. Stone’s assurances, not everyone is convinced of the palatability or nutritional benefits of raccoon noodles. Some even say that the foods are potentially dangerous. Food safety activist, and Department of Health Senior Inspector Betsy Kaukau says that despite having permission from the federal government to sell the products, the State is looking into possible ways to ban the canned meals across the islands.

“Duracave has been less than forthcoming about their suppliers, and the legality of using some of the animals in their products. For instance, many types of gulls are protected, and we want to know where they are getting the birds for their repulsive marketing campaign,” says Kaukau. She adds, “Let’s be honest. This is about stirring up controversy, pure and simple. Nobody is going to eat a spread made from cockroaches on their toast in the morning, unless it’s on a dare. The State of Hawaii wants no part of this potentially dangerous publicity stunt.”

Despite Kaukau’s statements, Barrett says the company is 100% serious about the unusual meals. He says,

“I understand the reaction in some people, but we are committed to provide our customers with the best options and tools available in a crisis situation. Survival is a dirty business, and you may find yourself forced to do and eat things that you wouldn’t normally. After it all comes crashing down, we can’t tell you what to do when you find a survivor with a potentially contagious disease, or when strangers show up and ask to share your water. What we can do is give you a taste for the foods you’re likely to find, and provide a good head start to your survival journey. At Duracave we don’t want you to just survive. We want you to thrive!”

STORYLINE

Duracave Donates Triage Tents To Help Treat Hurricane Victims

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The fallout from hurricane Neki, which made landfall early Saturday morning, will be felt for years in West Maui, but many who were injured in the storm are feeling the aloha spirit today thanks to Duracave. The company best known for high-end survival gear and portable power supplies has donated several mobile triage tents to the Lahaina Medical Center to help house and treat victims of the hurricane. Thousands of are homeless this morning and hundreds are injured from the wrath of Neki.

Nearly 400 area residents are injured filling local medical facilities well beyond capacity. That number is expected to grow substantially as rescue teams comb through the rubble. While many companies like Veilcorp and Manimal are providing shelter and energy drinks to survivors, Duracave’s donation solves a logistical nightmare for medical personnel working in Lahaina.

“When we saw all the victims left in Neki’s wake we knew we had to do something,” says Duracave CEO Barret Stone. “Duracave is about providing the tools necessary to survive and thrive in the worst conditions nature and political cabals can throw at you. Neki was bad but we’re better.”

“Not all tents are created equal. Our Liberator Modular Tenting System is the most advanced and most secure shelter devised by mankind. Resilient to extreme heat and cold, able to withstand hurricane force winds, and monsoon rains our ultra-tarp material can even keep out many first generation nerve agents. Paired with one of our innovative generators and featuring a negative pressure environment, the Liberator makes the perfect triage environment for you and a buddy, or a whole platoon. It keeps the smell of war and contagions in and any worries out. I use a mid-sized Liberator system as a mobile abattoir on my ranch. Believe me, if it can keep the smell of a 12 ton gut pile from getting out it can contain any disease.”

“The tents were a godsend,” says Director Dalia Forsythe. The Lahaina Medical Center has been hit especially hard. With supplies and personnel already stretched thin the facility simply didn’t have space for all the sick and injured. “We were treating people in supply closets,” she adds.

“Without these tents we would have lost lives. It’s that simple. This morning there was an explosion that injured dozens of rescue workers and may have exposed them to 127 and other toxic materials. Luckily, we now have the room to keep them quarantined until we know what they were exposed to. I’m not the kind of person who would usually talk highly of Duracave and their well-shared political views but they really came through as a company. There is no doubt that they helped us save lives. The hurricane has caused a lot of struggles but I’m amazed at how quickly everyone has come together to help. It makes me proud of my Hawaiian neighbors.”

Not everyone is singing the praises of Duracave however. Despite Forsythe’s admiration for the company, one Lahaina resident calls the tents an eyesore. Elizabeth Stonegate, President of the Tanager Lane Homeowners Association, worries that the tents will discourage new people from moving to the area. “We’re really missing a great opportunity to rebuild a more sophisticated Lahaina,” she says.

“I realize that Neki hurt a lot of people and my heart goes out to them but the truth of the matter is that Mother Nature has offered us a great opportunity. Many of the homes that were destroyed were older traditional dwellings. The kind of places they call “quaint” in real estate listings. We all know what quaint means, and how quaint doesn’t raise property values. Lahaina has changed a lot in the past decade. It’s growing into a beautiful modern city and Neki has helped clean up some of our problematic areas. Since many of those people won’t be able to afford to rebuild even with insurance money we should be courting a more financially secure class of people.

There is nothing about 4 giant sized medical tents that says, “come spend millions of dollars building a new home here.” It looks like something out of a horror movie. The whole reason a hospital has walls is so that you don’t have to be reminded of the sick. I feel terrible that people who chose not to take proper shelter were hurt by their actions but why should their bad choices impact my property values? While everyone is digging through rubble and putting up sci-fi plague tents, I’ve made sure all tree limbs and debris has been picked up in Tanager Lane. We have an unprecedented chance to reshape a more sophisticated Lahaina, let’s do all we can to make it happen and get rid of the tents before it’s too late.”