STORYLINE

Alohagistics Signs Deal To Become Sole Distributor For Automated Pineapple Farm

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A little more than a month into 2049, and it’s already been a good year for Lahaina based logistics company Alohagistics. The ultra-cheap crowdsourced shipping company, best known for their promise that your package will, “Get There Eventually,” has penned a deal making them the exclusive distributor of Ananas Farms pineapples.

With the help of prolific inventor Ano Lee, Ananas Farms has single-handedly revitalized the pineapple business in Hawaii. Thanks to a state-of-the-art automated drone picking and planting program, the farm has been able to bring back an industry that was once a hallmark of the islands, but had all but disappeared. Roy Ananas, who now runs the farm his grandfather started, says he’s excited about the new Alohagistics partnership.

“We think Alohagistics is the perfect partner for our pineapple business. They embrace the same family values, aloha spirit, and eye for innovation that we do. It’s kind of ironic that Ano and I revolutionized the pineapple business by almost completely removing the human element, and automating as much as possible with our drones. Now, we’re going to do the same thing on the distribution side, by totally embracing the power of people and the crowd. With the help of our new partners, Lahaina will be able to enjoy locally delivered and grown pineapple at the peak of freshness, cheaper than ever before.”

One might wonder what a shipping company best known for being the choice of personal assistants looking for a new job, and the ultra-cheap, knows about shipping fruit. According to founder Charles Lohi, surprisingly, not a lot. “To be honest, we’re really learning a lot as we go,” he says.

“Since we basically only need to move packages around the island we’re doing pretty good. I’ve made a whole separate food division to make sure only our top tier Parcel Pals, and most reliable looking beginners, get boxes of Ananas pineapples. I’m most proud of the packaging, which helps our volunteer distributors easily recognize which boxes contain fruit. We hope that this packaging innovation will instill a sense of urgency in them, and get the pineapples where they need to be in a timely manner. So far, so good. We’re currently in talks to transport other Ananas Farms products, we’re especially interested in their algae business. Roy is convinced that it’s going to be the superfood of the future, and that’s good enough for us. Unfortunately, the wax treatment that keeps 20 pounds of pineapple perfectly safe during transport, isn’t quite enough to keep in the moisture of 20 pounds of freshly-scooped algae. We’re looking into different design options, as well as an even cheaper “Wet Packaging” freight option now, but we hope to be handing out Ananas algae soon.”

While the farm is singing the praises of their new exclusive partnership, many business owners, especially ones located near the Veil Station, have complained about abandoned packages, enormous clouds of fruit flies, and the smell of rotting fruit. Ano Lee, partner in farms pineapple business, says they are looking into solutions that can make everyone happy.

“Is the occasional forgotten box of 20 pounds of rotting pineapples a problem? I mean, not really. It’s not like it’s a bomb, or a huge public health hazard. It’s just old fruit. Everyone has experienced a garbage can that is holding something a little strong smelling. You just have to take care of it, and pow! No smell. I can understand that it is not not exactly a bonus for these business owners, but it’s not really a big deal. I’m working on a drone solution that can identify the chemicals rotting fruit give off, and will be able to remove abandoned packages, wherever they’re left.

The big story here isn’t the fruit flies, it’s the quality Alohagistics adds to our fruits. Most produce is picked well before peak flavor, and it is common for consumers to have to wait days before their pineapple is as delicious as it cold be. Thanks to the measured, leisurely distribution, offered by the company’s crowdsourced delivery, every Ananas pineapple you find in a store is as delicious as it’s ever going to be. It’s the perfect fruit for your perfect day. We handle the ripening, so you can enjoy the eating.”

STORYLINE

New Shipping Service Promises That Your Package Will “Get There Eventually”

Speed has always been an important part of the logistics and delivery business, but the race to deliver a package reached breakneck speeds with the introduction of smart drones and veil technology. For over a decade, shipping companies have done battle to see who can transport a box across the world the fastest. With promised delivery times now measured in hours instead of days, the price of shipping has never been higher. However, one Lahaina company has bucked this expediting trend, and become a major force in the industry by offering ultra-cheap services. Alohagistics doesn’t promise to get your package delivered within an hour. Instead, they say it will “Get There Eventually.”

The brainchild of 46-year-old Lahaina resident Charles Lohi, the company has captured the attention of the market recently by winning many lucrative government contracts. “I just understood that not everything needs to get somewhere fast. Shipping trends were forcing everyone to sprint to a destination, and I recognized that we could walk there instead.”

A frequent traveler in his youth, Lohi says he hated how much it cost to send souvenirs to loved ones. “I didn’t carry much other than a backpack, and camped out or stayed in hostels most of the time to save money, but I could never figure out a cheap way to send things home. All my options were expensive, and promised delivery within days. It was totally unnecessary. Nobody’s life depends of getting a shot glass from Tokyo, or a commemorative spoon from Salzburg in less than a week. There are some things that aren’t time sensitive, and just need to get somewhere eventually. One day I scribbled down some ideas, took a nap, and put together a plan. I recognized a niche in the market three years ago, and business couldn’t be better.”

While Alohagistics does employ a handful of drivers and shipping specialists, the core of the business relies heavily on being located near a travel hub, a crowdsourced multi-level delivery network, and the aloha spirit. Travelers, or those interested in the business, simply go to any Alohagistics center, and choose a package with a destination near them. In exchange for delivering the item, they receive discounts from a number of businesses and services in the area. You can also sign up your friends and family as your “Parcel Pals,” helping you make deliveries. The more packages your Parcel Pals deliver, the greater your rewards and discounts.

While some have questioned the effectiveness of the program, Lohi is quick to point out his recent success. “We’re not running some sort of package pyramid scheme here, we’re more like a friends with benefits delivery service. Most of the time our packages get delivered every time. We’ve mastered the final frontier of the logistics business, ultra-low pricing.”

When asked who, besides the government, would choose to use a shipping service that values price over speed, and the actual delivery of a package, Lohi answers, “lots of people. Anyone sending physical copies of paperwork that could have been easily emailed, anything court ordered to be turned over to an ex, and every employee more interested in having a tracking number to prove that they did their job, than the actual timeliness of that delivery. You wouldn’t believe the turn over in our Take-A-Package, Leave-A-Package bins.”

Reviews on the company website seem to back Lohi’s claims with one satisfied customer writing,

“My great-grandfather was a military man, and dragged his family across the world. As a result, my grandma Ruth never had many close friends growing up, but she had an old doll named Ginny that went everywhere with her. She took it to college, and she even gave her a seat at her wedding.

The travel bug stayed with Ruth her whole life, and Ginny was beside her on many adventures. Eventually her health began to decline, and she couldn’t get around like she used to. You could tell it was a hard pill for her to swallow, but one Christmas my mom took Ginny with us on a trip to Innsbruck. We bought her a little Austrian dress, took pictures, and a new tradition was born. The whole family would take turns hosting Ginny on a holiday, and send pictures and updates about her time with them. It was great, and I think it bought Ruth several more good years. When she finally passed, everyone thought we’d bury Ginny with her since they went everywhere together in life. However, my aunt Sheryl had other ideas.

She wanted to carry on the tradition as a way to remember Ruth, and everyone half-heartedly agreed. We had no idea the long and burdensome road Sheryl was going to take us down. Almost immediately, her trips with Ginny and gifts for her became more and more exotic and expensive, forcing everyone to follow suit. Instead of a simple card listing the highlights of her visits, Sheryl would write novellas about Ginny and her adventures in her garden. Before Ruth’s passing, the doll would spend major holidays with the family, but Sheryl sent Ginny out on Arbor Day, Groundhog Day, and International Picnic Day, as well as many other lesser tier holidays. I finally had enough.

Ginny was with us for Halloween this year, and as soon as we finished sorting candy, I marched her over to Alohagistics. While it’s in the realm of possibility, I can’t imagine she’s going to get back to Ruth in time for Thanksgiving, and we can finally put this thing to an end before it escalates any further. If it somehow arrives on time….well I guess that’s just fate. If it doesn’t, I’ll be a family hero, and all of us can finally have some peace, including Ruth and Ginny.”