STORYLINE

The Legend of “The Lucky Dodge Hotel”

storm.jpg

There is no shortage of mysterious legends and strange places in Lahaina. Whether it’s a cryptic Hailoha driver patrolling Front Street, a mountain top ghost ship, or an eccentric survivor with a small fleet of submarines, there are plenty of stories to tell around a fire. One of the most beloved by the Kanaka is the story of The Lucky Dodge Hotel. A place where you can get almost anything if you are desperate enough, and willing to pay the price.

Before the fracture, The Laki Beach Lodge was one of the most popular places to stay in Lahiana. Set between Front Street and the ocean, guests found themselves yards away from the beach and within walking distance of many popular destinations. Laki Lodge was always full and had a reservation list that extended months ahead. However, like everything else, the accident changed all that.

A Naval group was traveling to their base on Molokai when the veils ruptured. Instead of appearing next to the docks and commencing with some minor maintenance, the ships emerged from the veil like a bullet from a gun. All of Lahaina shook and the sound was deafening, as reinforced hulls tore great furrows into the ground and shattered from the incredible force of the impact. In a matter of seconds, the group had reshaped the coastline and created two deep channels in a “V” shape around the Laki, leaving it alone on a green island. The Kanaka renamed it “The Lucky Dodge Hotel” and the moniker has stuck to this day.

Many believe that the hotel’s near destruction was no accident. The Kanaka say the area is sacred and protected by the land and water. The fact that the lights are always on, and strange sounds can often be heard coming from the building, does little to dispel these rumors. Most Kanaka refuse to visit the hotel and there are numerous stories about the curious never returning after walking through the front door. While there are no vacant rooms, it is said that you can get almost anything in the lobby of the Lucky Dodge if you are willing to pay the price. The desperate few who have returned describe staff as enigmatic as the building itself.

Nobody knows for sure who owns the hotel. There are stories that it is run by the Tappers who use it as a base to watch over the island. Others say that Veilcorp knew that the fracture would happen and took over the hotel, keeping it a living time capsule of 2050 for high-ranking employees. There are even tales that it is part of some larger underwater complex. However, everyone agrees that it is dangerous to try and reach the Lucky Dodge without help.

The dark waters of the koʻokoʻo inlets that surround the hotel hold an unusually high number of patrolling sharks. Lingering radiation in the waters can cause confusion in those trying to swim across, leaving them to tread water until the sharks find them or they slip below, due to exhaustion. According to the tales, the safest way to cross the inlet is to travel to the Southern bank, find the old valet stand, and press the call button to summon the canoeman. A young man of Kanaka descent, the canoeman never speaks except to say, “Tipping is appreciated” and always arrives within minutes, day or night. A trip across the inlet costs 10 rai which must be paid upfront with return passage, should you make it, being free. There are rumors that without payment you can cross, but must serve inside the Dodge in some capacity.

Once inside the building, visitors are treated to an immaculate lobby filled with the sounds and smells of the old world. Unlike the canoeman, descriptions of the concierge vary greatly. Some describe a short bearded man in a suit, while others recount a statuesque woman with raven-black hair dressed in an old-fashioned gown. While the physical descriptions differ, they are said to both speak with a strange accent and carry themselves oddly, leaving visitors uneasy.

They say that the concierge can get anything you may need, direct you to any location, and answer any question for a price. That price is always high and often, not a monetary one. Many accidents and strange events on the island are rumored to be the price paid for a favor from the Dodge, but the few who claim to have visited are reluctant to talk about the cost. Whatever the truth about the owners may be, there is no doubt that the Lucky Dodge Hotel is one of the most enigmatic locations in Lahaina, with many considering it a destination of last resort.

Bruddah Lee

Kanaka Historian

STORYLINE

The Legend of Mark, the Last Hailoha Driver

car.jpg

A long time ago when everything still worked and my grandpa was young, there were roads paved with something called asphalt everywhere and most people had cars. If you wanted to go somewhere nearby, you’d get into your car by yourself or with a bunch of people and just drive there. That worked good most of the time but sometimes people drank too much or they were really tired and driving was dangerous. People were getting hurt a lot so they decided it would be better to have drivers take you where you needed to go. Back then you could use phones to talk to other people and make the drivers come to where you were. There were lots of drivers on the island but the best one was Mark.

Like a lot of the old things the drivers went away when the veils fractured, but some people say that Mark and his car survived. Nobody knows how he made it, since he wasn’t on the hill with the rest of the smart people. Some say he was a scientist and knew how to protect himself. Others say he made a deal with the spirits on the island. According to the stories if you’re on Front street during a new moon you might see Mark driving his car. Some people say that you need to have a working phone to make him stop but others say you just truly need to get somewhere to catch his attention.

Mark’s car is black so it’s hard to see and it doesn’t make any noise. It is made out of a special metal that can’t be dented and nothing happens if you shoot it. The tires never go flat too. He has been up and down Front street so many times that he doesn’t need to use the lights on his car. Mark just knows where the bad spots are and drives around them. It’s easy for him to drive right past someone without them noticing so you have to pay real close attention if you go and look for him. He knows what’s in each building he drives past, so you can’t surprise him.

They say that Mark can tell if someone is good or bad and bad people who try to get Mark to take them somewhere never arrive. If you’re good, Mark will protect you and bring you where you need to go. You never have to tell Mark where you want to go he just knows somehow. All the monsters who live in the jungle are scared of Mark especially the Menehune. According to the stories, any Menehune who see Mark turn into wood, but that seems like a lie to me, so it’s probably not true.

If Mark stops to give you a ride you have to pay him and he doesn’t accept rai stones. The stories say that Mark’s favorite things are cigarettes and Manimal drinks. He will take you anywhere you want if you have enough of those, but he’ll accept other things too. Some of the other things that Mark will take for payment include: canned food, old books, honey, alcohol, or even jokes and good stories.

Even though Mark is mostly good in the stories (unless you’re a bad person) he has some rules that you have to follow. If Mark stops to pick you up, you have to give him his payment right away. He doesn’t like to ask for payment. He likes listening to old music in his car. If you try and talk over the old music or ask him to turn it down he’ll stop the car and make you get out. If you complain, he’ll honk the horn to let all the monsters and bandits know where you are. Mark has a bowl filled with peppermint candies in his car that he shares with anyone that he takes for a ride. You can take one of the candies but only one. If you take more, he’ll take you where he takes bad people and you’ll never be seen again.

Mark The Hailoha Driver is a good story but the only person I know who says he’s real is my Grandpa and sometimes he lies to me so I’m not sure. There might have been a guy named Mark who did all that stuff after everything broke, but my dad says Front street is really dangerous so Mark would have to be really tough, tougher than my dad. I think it would be awesome if there really was a Mark. When I get older I want to go down to Front street on a new moon and look for him, but probably with some other people.

Akamai Mahelona
4th Grade
Pu`u School Lahaina

STORYLINE

How We Can Make Our Love and Literacy Program Better

rose.jpg

35 years ago our parents began a dream vacation together. The opportunity to cruise the Hawaiian islands with other romance novelists was a dream come true for my mother. According to my dad she was bouncing off the walls weeks before the trip, and had her head buried in her notebook the first couple days of the cruise. As we all know things didn’t go as planned.

Tough decisions were made that day, and they had to be made fast. As the world crumbled around them, our parents and the surviving crew decided to keep cruising, and try to ignore what was happening outside the ship. That lasted for a while, but reality eventually started to beat out romance. My mom said that civility and the midnight buffet were among the first casualties. They put off the inevitable for almost 6 months, but then the fuel ran out and so did the dream.

They were a resilient lot however, and soon their talents as wordsmiths was put to use. Fate and circumstance had left them the greatest collection of living authors in the world. Their love of language was apparent to the survivors on the island, and soon they had made agreements with many different factions. Slowly, they courted the various Kānaka groups until a lasting bond through literature was formed, and at night they would go up the hill and teach the Thrivers reading and romance.

With my mom at the helm, the “Love, Life, and Literacy” program was born to our very excited parents. They raised it to be the most comprehensive post-apocalypse college of arts and letters available (as far we know). Their love affair with words turned their fantasy to reality, and they passed it on to us. It is our job to keep the school and relationships on the island fresh and exciting. For the most part, I think we’ve done a good job. Nonetheless, there have been a few indiscretions that I feel need to be addressed honestly and out in the open.

There has always been talk of expanding the curriculum to cover topics other than literature and the human condition. Science and math have always been the most popular suggestions, but recently history has been batted around, (because of the “doomed to repeat it” trope I suppose).
To all those who are pushing for expanded classes I have only one thing to say, NO!

Pursuing science and math is what got us here. Love didn’t poison the land and water. Romance didn’t cause the collapse of civilization. Billions of lives weren’t lost because of an excess of tenderness. It was an overzealous need to understand the world before we truly understood ourselves that was almost our downfall. When my mother first began this journey you couldn’t even trade a well-crafted romance novel for a salted fish. You can get a good meal in some places for a mediocre poem now. That is the kind of progress that we need to focus on.

Speaking of focus it has come to my attention that many of you have been selling books personally, and not in conjunction with our store. I know that the practice has been going on for a long time and I generally turn a blind eye. Two recent events make that practice impossible now. First, according to our inventory fantasy and thriller novels are outselling romance by almost 3:1. That is unacceptable. Catering to the Kānaka’s baser instincts with tales of violence and explosions instead of cultivating more mature emotions goes against everything we are working for. No more selling tales of swords and sorcerers on the side. Don’t make me go medieval on you! Second, and most disturbing it has come to my attention that someone who shall remain nameless has been passing off two classics as his own. Plagiarism is a vile practice and the next time I ask a student who wrote “Treasure Island” I better hear Robert Louis Stevenson.

Lastly, we come to what might be the most troubling issue facing us. It is important that the education we provide is of a quality that we can be proud of, and that means standards. From the very beginning my mother’s seminal work, “Aloha! Mark Aloha! Love” has been the cornerstone of our curriculum. According to our syllabus it is the novel that our capstone class, “Understanding Love” is based on. Imagine my surprise when I learned that Alexis Green was trying to use her mother’s novel, “Love Lahaina Style” to teach the class. With its run-on sentences and sloppy metaphors it’s no wonder that it’s left some students tired and confused. LLS is a perfectly reasonable starter book for our remedial classes, but falls flat when compared to the symphony of seduction that is “Aloha! Mark”. Let’s respect the high bar we’ve set for ourselves and the education we provide. We owe it to our parents and our students.

STORYLINE

Teaser for “Aloha! Mark Aloha! Love” A post-apocalyptic romance novel

Front street was dangerous in the light of day, but it could be downright deadly in the dark. Mary knew she shouldn’t be there, but she couldn’t get the memories of that night out of her mind. It was just a few weeks after the Veils shattered and all the chaos started. She had been one of the lucky few who had made it. Mary and a group of bedraggled survivors had been living on a cruise ship that had been transformed from a giant pleasure craft, to their best hope for survival. They still had a good store of canned foods and even had some success fishing, but stopping at the occasional port to scavenge for food was a necessity. She couldn’t have dreamed how much her decision to go out and look for supplies that day would change her life.

It’s easy to lose track of time when you find a good stash, and it takes discipline to not chase that next can of food that may be buried just feet away. Mary had a lot of good qualities but discipline was not one. Before she knew it, dusk was closing in and she was still over a mile from the boat. Maybe it was carelessness brought on by her rushing to get back or maybe it was fate that made her not notice the first dog. Suddenly, she found herself surrounded by a pack of the snarling beasts. Even though they were half-starved she knew they were more than a match for her. The shock of her situation froze her in place. The end was here. She closed her eyes and waited for it to happen, and then she heard a car horn.

The dogs scattered as the black sedan rolled up to her. A rear door opened and she could hear music playing from within. She cautiously walked up and peeked inside. The car was immaculately detailed, standing in stark contrast to the rubble and ruin around it. A dark haired man sat in the driver’s seat. He asked, “Do you need a ride?” without turning around. “Yes” she answered as she got inside. “I’m going to the……” “I know where you’re going,” he answered before she could tell him her destination.

“You should be more careful on Front street. It’s not as safe as it used to be,” he said. She didn’t know what to say. There was something about him. The way his car smelled like peppermint candy and danger, it made her feel safe and exhilarated at the same time. The way he seemed unaffected by everything that had happened stirred something deep inside her that she hadn’t felt before. He told stories and talked about different buildings as they drove past. “You sure know a lot about everything, were you some sort of child prodigy?” she teased. “I don’t have the sharpest mind but parts of me are genius,” he joked back. Mary could feel her ears turn red at his bluntness.

Suddenly, they were stopped, and the cruise ship sat hulking in the harbor in front of them. “I usually get paid up front but I made an exception for you,” he said as he turned around. For the first time Mary got a good look at his face, and she liked what she saw. She could feel his gaze penetrating deep inside her. His half-smile let her know that he saw everything. His confidence was overwhelming. She felt like a volcano ready to explode and spill her lava all over him. “All I have is some canned food, but maybe we could come to some sort of agreement. We’ve been cruising for a while now and have seen a lot of the island. Maybe I could give you some information or teach you something.” She pushed her hair back behind her ear and looked up at him. “Maybe you could teach me something.”

She sat silently as he climbed into the back of the car. She straddled his lap and kissed him deep, tasting his peppermint flavored lips. His hands crept slowly down her back like a child sneaking down the stairs to get a look at Santa on Christmas eve. She had never felt such a yearning for someone before. It was as excruciating as it was exquisite. She couldn’t help but contemplate their future as their bodies slowly moved together.

The world needed to be rebuilt. It needed strong people who weren’t afraid to live and love. She imagined where they would stay on Front street. She pictured them building a car seat out of debris they found along the beach, and working together to make a better life. She yearned for him to plant his grain in her fertile fields. Mercifully, her mind finally succumbed to the pleasure this stranger was so expertly coaxing from her body, and melted into him like one of his candies in his mouth.

“Are you seeing anyone? I mean, I don’t even know your name,” she said at they sat exhausted and content. “I see everything since the accident. My name is Mark. I think it’s time for you to get back on your boat, Mary.” he answered, as he climbed back into the driver’s seat. The shock of his sudden coldness hit her so hard that she didn’t even wonder how he knew her name. “Did I say something wrong? I….I…I’m sorry. I’ve just never felt like this before. I hardly know you, but can’t you feel this too? I think I love you,” she sobbed. He looked at her in the rear view mirror. “It’s not safe to love me Mary. Mark only loves two things: Mark and driving for Hailoha. I’m not someone you can love,” he said as the door opened by itself. He was wrong. Mary got out of the car that night but she left her heart in the backseat.

Love can make you do some regrettable things and Mary was starting to regret her obsession with Mark. It had been 6 months since that memorable night, but she hadn’t managed to go 6 seconds without thinking about him since. This was the 4th time that the boat had been close enough to Front street that she could sneak out at night and look for him. The sun was going to be up in an hour and she knew it would be the 4th time that she’d go back to her cold room with a raging, unfulfilled desire. No matter how hard she tried to quench the fire inside her, it would not be denied.

She was so lost fighting through her emotions again that she didn’t notice the bandits behind her until they spoke. “Look what we got here. Are you from that big boat in the harbor?” one asked through chipped teeth and cracked lips. Before she could answer a bright light appeared from behind her casting her shadow tall over the pair of thugs. She could see the terror in their faces. “Run, It’s him!” yelled her would-be attacker, and the pair ran off. Mary smiled as she turned around and saw a familiar looking car. The rear door opened and the smell of peppermint candy wafted out. “I told you that I’m not safe. We need to talk,” Mark said from inside. As Mary walked towards the car she thought, that’s funny, talking isn’t the first thing on my list.

STORYLINE

Don’t Give Up On Aloha Shores

Frank and I would like to thank you all for hanging in there. We understand that this is a time of fear and confusion for many of you. Heck, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous too. As I’ve said before if we hear anything about what’s going on you’ll be the first to know. I also apologize that this presentation has lasted a bit longer than many of you anticipated. To be honest, I was only expecting to be in your ear for a few hours myself, and now we find ourselves 43 days in. Still, I think we’ve all done a good job sticking together so far and I’m sure the authorities will have this all straightened out in no time.

While we wait, my brother and I would like to once again urge you to sign your paperwork. Aloha Shores has been the hottest timeshare on the beach for years now and we’re confident that won’t change. I think demand might even go up once the turmoil ends. Look, we understand why you might have questions right now. You’d be crazy not to. We just want you to be able to make an informed choice. It’s in that spirit of openness and transparency that we feel we need to address some issues and give you a heads-up about a few things. I’d like to take a little of your time separating fact from fiction.

Fact: The Wifi is going to remain down for the foreseeable future. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause but we’re going to have to keep it off for a while. We’ve tried restarting the router a number of times to no avail. Sorry folks we’d like to check our email too but we’re all going to have to make do.

Fiction: Frank and I have a working satellite phone. The phone didn’t work at all for the first week and now only makes a strange pulsing noise. As many of you know, the noise, whatever it was, caused some health issues with Frank. He is doing better now and I thank you all for your kind words. The nosebleeds have stopped and he is alert and oriented. We feel turning the phone back on is too high a risk for now.

Fact: We’re holding on to the Dolphin Experience tickets that were promised to all of you for now. You may have heard that the sea was boiling again yesterday and we feel it’s just too dangerous until we figure out what’s causing the turbulence. We’ll be more than happy to hand out the tickets when we get a better handle on the events outside and when the dolphins are feeling up for a little tail-walking.

Fact: All driving services appear to be down, even Hailoha. We were all encouraged when a car arrived the day after the Veilcorp accident. Frank and I assumed that at least the local transportation service was still running but it appears that isn’t the case. The driver who showed up that day appears to be a lone wolf so-to-speak. He was last seen heading down Front street with his passengers.

Fiction: It is safe to go outside. We may not know the extent of the trouble out there but we do have a couple of immediate concerns that we need to share. First, the sidewalk around the building was severely damaged in one of the quakes. There are a number of large cracks visible from the lobby window. The accessibility ramp also appears to be at an unsafe angle so please use caution. In addition, a group snuck out last night to go to the bar down the road and only one returned. Frank and I have long discouraged visitors from venturing down to the Little Grass Shack, but it appears now to be dangerous and not merely distasteful. We will give you more specifics once the survivor is able to talk again.

Fact: We have less than a dozen chicken wraps left. We all knew that supplies were going to become an issue at some point and it looks like the wraps are going to be the first to go.

Fiction: We are going to starve. This fear is completely unfounded. We have a number of delicious options available yet including: pita’s, pinwheel sandwiches, quesadillas, cold crepes, flatbread pizzas, buckets of instant soup, and a wide variety of canned goods. Did I mention that we have enough coffee and Manimal to keep us awake and hydrated for years? No friends, having an empty belly is not a concern.

I hope that clears some things up for you all. Frank and I really appreciate your time and continued confidence. We’ve done amazing things together so far and I hope that you decide to make it official by signing your agreements. We’d love to be able to call you members of the Aloha Shores family. Remember, paradise is just a signature away!

Steve and Frank Lacey
Lacey Property Management

STORYLINE

Audit Finds DMV Worker Harassed Customers Five Hours a Day for Over Two Years

arrest.jpg

A state audit of the Hawaii Department of Motor Vehicles uncovered that an employee used over half of her work day to pursue what she called “Licensing Cheats,” for over two years. According to the report, 25-year-old Esther Hele, spent five hours a day harassing residents about overdue registration forms and lapsed licenses, all while her supervisor’s knew. Hele has been placed on administrative leave pending the outcome of an internal review, and criminal investigation.

Officials say that Hele used her job as a data operator, updating information on various transfer and ownership forms, to begin a “vehicle registration vigilante” campaign that lasted over two years. From July 2048 through August 2050, Hele skipped at least 2,600 hours’ worth of work, costing the Hawaiian public more than $72,000.

“It’s beyond me how this person slipped through the cracks, or how her managers are still employed,” says Mayor Alberts Cravalho. Residents are asking the same questions this morning, especially with the announcement of criminal charges of menacing and harassment filed against the Lahaina native.

While her direct supervisor refused an interview, her manager’s attorney did provide a statement which reads in part: “…It is hard to explain what it’s like to work for an organization that is so maligned by the public. If we fully investigated every complaint that came in we’d have to close at least another two lines, and that would just lead to more complaints. A big part of my job is to figure out to what degree my employees aren’t doing their jobs. I talked to Esther, and she seemed just bad to me. I know now that she was in fact, terrible. I regret, and apologize for not seeing that earlier.”

However, apologies aren’t enough for some of Hele’s victims. Dozens of claims regarding stalking, harassment, vandalism, and even threats of bodily harm are being investigated by Lahaina police. Hailoha driver Mark Me’e is one such victim of the troubled DMV worker’s campaign of persecution. He says the trouble all started when he purchased a new car, and let the insurance and registration lapse on his previous vehicle. Me’e says that he ignored the reminders he received since he planned on eventually scrapping his old car, and now wishes he hadn’t. Mark says things started taking a strange turn a few weeks after his first reminder, when Esther started showing up in his social media circles.

“One day I got this message from someone named Esther asking about my job at Hailoha. I didn’t know who she was, so I did a little investigating, and found that she was on almost all my friends and family’s friends lists. I couldn’t figure out how someone I had never heard of before could be friends with almost everyone I knew. I thought maybe I had gone to high school with Esther, and just forgot her.

Then she started asking me about my car all the time, saying things like, ‘You know Hailoha requires every drive to follow all applicable traffic laws, including having your vehicle properly registered, right?’ My mom called me one day saying she had just talked to a lady at the DMV who said I was breaking the law by not registering my car. I figured it was Esther. I contacted her supervisor and made a complaint, and she called me within minutes telling me that I could fool her boss, but not her. She sent pictures of me, and my old car that she had pulled from my work profile page. I told her that I didn’t drive that car anymore. I mean she had all my information, she could see that I registered a new car, but she wouldn’t hear it. Things just got worse.

She contacted my girlfriend saying I was cheating on her in my unregistered vehicle. She called Hailoha and told them that I had provided them with counterfeit insurance documents. I started getting threatening notes in my mailbox, and on my car whenever I went inside a store, warning me that the DMV had the right to charge interest on fines. It was getting out of hand!

It came to a head one night when I got an alert that someone way out in the preservation zone needed a ride. When I got out there I saw what I thought was an old woman all wrapped in a blanket. She got in, and I made some joke about her not having to worry about getting cold, but she didn’t say much. It was about 10 minutes into our ride when she started asking about my old car, and her voice changed. It sounded familiar to me, but it took me a moment to figure out it was Esther in disguise. I slammed on the breaks, put it in park, and ran the rest of the way into town. Later, they found my car parked in my driveway. I don’t know what she had planned, but it wasn’t good.”

Hele had no comment about the complaints against her, and is free on bail. She has plead not guilty and is expected in court next month.

STORYLINE

Man With Goose Phobia Calls Food Delivery Service For Help Scaring Away Birds

nene.jpg

A Lahaina area man with a severe phobia of geese found himself face to face with his worst fear Saturday night, when a group of nene surrounded his home just before dusk. After calling for help from his neighbors, the police, and animal control, to no avail, 48-year-old Kevin Morrow devised an unorthodox solution to his problem. He ordered a meal from the popular Hailoha-Eats delivery service, and asked the delivery driver to scare off the offending birds.

According to Morrow it was an ordinary Saturday evening. He was busy working on his latest book, outlining the danger food carts present to traditional family dinner rituals, when his dog Howie began to bark uncontrollably. Looking out the window, Kevin’s worst nightmare came true when he saw his yard was filled with nene.

Suffering from an acute fear of the state bird, he tried calling his neighbors for help, but they didn’t answer the phone. He next tried the police, but was told that they didn’t handle goose removal, and he should try animal control if they were still in the yard in the morning. Desperate for help, it was then that Morrow spotted the Hailoha-Eats flyer.

“I have more than a few phobias,” says Morrow “I suffer from: meleagrisphobia, the fear of turkeys, alektorophobia, the fear of chickens, and anatidaephobia, the fear of geese. Actually, I find most birds and many social situations to be daunting at the very least. It’s the geese that’s the worst though. There’s just something terrible in the way they walk and sound. They’re so aggressive! To be honest, I wasn’t surprised that I didn’t get any support from my neighbors. I’ve learned that they have little interest in hearing my opinions about their duty to mow the sections of my lawn that their kids play on, let alone scare off dozens of geese there. However, the fact that the police refused to help was very disappointing. When I learned I’d have to wait until morning to call animal control, I could feel myself beginning to spiral into a full blown panic attack. It was then the Hailoha-Eats pamphlet caught my eye. I use the service often, and knew that every order has a “Special Instructions” section. I made the call, turned off the lights so the geese couldn’t see me with their demonic-beady-little-eyes, and waited for help.”

Within minutes delivery driver Mark Me’e pulled into Morrow’s driveway, only to find a dark house. “The order came with a request that read ‘Help with birds,’” says Me’e. “Since it was Peking duck with extra crepes, and a side of foie gras, I thought maybe it was someone who needed help dishing out the food or something. But when I turned on my brights to make sure I had the right address, I saw what it really meant. There were dozens of geese on top of the house, and a bunch more came walking up from the side yard. I half expected Tippi Hedren to appear. None of them were making any noise. They were just looking at me. It was one of the creepiest things that I’ve ever seen.

I honked the horn to scare them away but they all squawked back at me, almost in unison. Honk. Squawk. Honk. Squawk. I rolled down the window to shout at them, and it was then that I noticed that I didn’t hear any bugs or other animals. It was completely silent. I called the customer contact number, and after going to voicemail a few times, Kevin answered. I asked what was going on; he explained his phobia, and said he was pretty sure they would hurt him if he went outside. He begged me to help scare them away, and I said I’d do my best.

They weren’t acting like normal nene. When I opened the door, a bunch of them put their heads low, and made a straight line towards me. It freaked me out so much that I got back in the car, and called Kevin again. I told him that I just drive people around, and deliver food, wrangling disturbing geese was above my paygrade. He sounded so scared though, that I couldn’t just leave him in there. I remembered that I had some emergency flares in the trunk, and told Kevin that I’d need him to draw the bird’s attention so I could get to them. He turned on the lights inside, and all the geese ran to the windows. I popped the trunk and ran to get the flares. I could see some of them turn back to me as I sprinted around the car. I grabbed the flares, lit a couple, and began throwing them in the yard while screaming at the top of my lungs. I can only imagine what it must have looked like to anyone driving past, but it worked. They flew off together, and I gave Kevin his food and a big hug. It’s a delivery I’ll never forget.”

Unusual animal encounters are on the rise in Lahaina, and this incident has many guessing what may have caused the strange behavior in the usually shy geese. Some say it is shifting climate patterns forcing the birds to seek out food in new places, while others place the blame firmly on Veilcorp, their travel technology, and their solar 127 harvesting program. The Department of Land and Natural Resources is expected to release the findings of their investigation into the issue later this year.

Whatever the outcome of the DLNR’s investigation, Morrow says he can’t thank Mark enough, and just wishes he could reward him more for his actions.

“There aren’t a lot of people who would have done what Mark did. I believe he saved Howie and I that evening. That’s why it was so hard to only rate him 3 out of 5 stars and reduce his tip. There’s no doubting his bravery, but at the end of the day he is a food delivery driver, and I was forced to judge him on that criteria. By the time he scared the geese away my crepes had become soggy, and he forgot my extra cucumbers and sauce. To be honest, 3 stars was probably a little too generous. I wish his company offered some sort of personal rating system, but until they do, I have to follow their guidelines. As a person, I can’t say enough nice things about Mark Me’e, but as a delivery driver, he’s a bit wanting.”

STORYLINE

Lahaina’s Biggest Food Delivery App Accused of Eavesdropping on Users’ Conversations

food.jpg

Over the past year, it has become Maui’s most popular food delivery service, but now Lahaina based Hailoha-Eats is coming under fire from privacy advocates and concerned citizens alike. The company is accused of using its app to listen in on users’ conversations, even when they aren’t ordering anything. The company strongly denies the allegations, but Maui officials say they are looking into the complaints.

Whether you carefully go through every information sharing feature on your social media sites or you’re the kind of person who broadcasts everything openly from your ceremplant, there’s no doubt that privacy has become a big issue in our daily lives. Targeted marketing campaigns and personalized ads have become big business. While most of us expect to have our internet activities tracked in some way, that expectation does not cross over into real life. However, a concerning number of customers now report that is exactly what Hailoha-Eats is doing.

According to the results of a month-long investigation by privacy experts, the company has been “monitoring user conversations and using speech recognition tools to recommend certain foods and products from Veilcorp partners…..even when the app was not in use.”

The report goes on to say, “A user complained to Hailoha-Eats late last year that after she mentioned to a colleague that she was having SSHAM casserole for lunch, she was immediately hit with advertisements for SSHAM on all her social media sites. Similarly, a user based in Lahaina supposedly asked a Hailoha driver about their favorite surfing spots during a ride, and received numerous emails about surf shops only minutes later…… While most customers have complained about the app itself, there have been several stories linking the company’s eavesdropping to Hailoha vehicles as well.”

Hailoha says the allegations are without merit and the result of competing delivery services trying to take advantage of recent privacy concerns involving Veilcorp and their controversial drone program. Numerous Hailoha drivers have pushed back against the allegations that the company is recording customer conversations. One, in particular, says he finds the report and the accusations offensive.

Mark Me’e says, “I take the covenant of passenger and driver very seriously and would never do anything to break it. With so much of our lives connected online, or captured on video, there aren’t many places you can count on privacy or people you can talk to freely. Priests, lawyers, bartenders, and ride service drivers, these are the last stewards of free expression and privacy. If my customers didn’t think my car was a safe place to complain about their boss, spouse, friends or family, I’d stop driving. I consider all the conversations in my car sacred. What you say in Mark’s car, stays in Mark’s car. If I thought that any of these accusations were true, I’d drive away from Hailoha and not look back.”

While the report does not definitively conclude that Hailoha vehicles are listening in on conversations, it offers much evidence that the app is doing exactly that. One customer’s experience in particular highlights how dangerous this practice could be if proven true.

Randy Wilcox says he and some friends had just ordered some food and were busy playing a video game when things took a dangerous turn.

“There’s nothing better than potstickers when you’re playing Run Amok V with your friends. They stay good forever and don’t get in the way when you’re mashing buttons and going on a rampage. I had just ordered a couple of platters before discussing with the crew if we should rob the bank first, or go down to the waterfront to take out some tourists and collect some collateral bonuses. We decided to bloody the beach first and had just spotted the volleyball nets in the distance when all hell broke loose.

The apartment door was kicked in, followed by an explosion. Before any of us could figure out what was going on, tear gas began to fill the room and Ricky took a bean bag round to the face. We were all choking and drooling when the police threw us on the floor at gunpoint, screaming about where our weapons were. They said they had information that we were planning a terror attack on the beach. There’s no way a neighbor overheard us because I had the game room sound-proofed months before because of their complaints. It had to be the app. While I usually live for intense experiences, this one sucked! Poor Ricky still can’t see out of his left eye and the flashbang burned the carpet pretty good. From now on I’m not saying anything near my phone. It’s nothing but texting for me.”

STORYLINE

Your Food Delivery Service Is Pretty Awesome!

food.jpg

Hello business dudes and dudettes. I thought I’d take a moment to share just how awesome your Hailoha Eats service is. It’s changed the way I eat. I mean not the way I physically eat; I still do it with my mouth and stuff. I mean the way I look forward to my meals everyday. I’m an artist, but I never thought of food as art before. You’ve really opened my eyes. Nothing is perfect though, so I’d like to suggest a few improvements along with my praise.

When I saw the flyer about Hailoha partnering with Veilcorp to make a pilot food delivery service I was confused as to how they’d get the food up there to them. Then my buddy explained that in this case pilot meant like a one time thing to see if it worked and had nothing to do with flying. That made a lot more sense so I thought we’d give it a try.

One of the things I liked right away was that it was a 24/7 kind of thing. That fit perfectly with my lifestyle. I’m currently taking a break from the rat race that was art school and spending some much needed recharge time at my mom’s beach house. I spend a lot of time relaxing with my friends and just trying to be chill. This really messes up my eating schedule. It’s hard to find a place that serves breakfast when you don’t get up until noon. Sometimes we chill so hard that we forget to eat until our bellies are rumbling at 3am or something, and before your service we’d just have to stay awake until the sun came up and the cafe’s opened.

I won’t lie, I was a little shocked at the prices but I get a pretty good chunk of change from my trust fund every 3 months so I can afford it. I’m not saying that it’s too expensive, I guess. All the food is Veiled over to the island from across the world so I guess that takes a lot of organization and working together. I hate having to go down to the store with everyone’s drink order so I can’t imagine what a hassle working with thousands of restaurants across the world is.

At first we played this game where we’d pick a 3 course meal at random. I’d spin the globe in the study, close my eyes and stop it with a finger until we had places to order from. We ate a lot of weird stuff that way, but we also got to try things we normally wouldn’t. It was kinda fun but then we hit gold with the holy trinity of food. Nothing, I repeat nothing finishes a hard day of hanging out like a savory Moroccan pigeon tagine, followed with some chili crab from Singapore for heat, and some sweet Argentinian dulce de leche empanadas. We’ve had it every night for almost 2 weeks now. There’s no way anyone could complain in good conscience about prices after experiencing that meal. It’s like having the gods of flavor dance on your tongue.

I didn’t think it would be at first, but being able to pick your delivery driver has turned into a huge plus for me. The first guy that showed up was late and left his brights on when he came to the door which is a huge foul. Cold food and blinding light was not how I wanted my night to wrap up. Then we had a lady that just wanted to talk about everything. She wanted to know where we were from and all kinds of stuff. Greg got freaked out and ran into his room. It took about an hour for all the tension to leave after she did. Then we got Mark. That dude was born to deliver food. He calls to confirm when he is on his way so nobody who forgot we ordered food is surprised. He turns off the lights before he turns into the driveway, it’s like he thinks of everything. He even leaves a handful of peppermint candies with every order. Mark is a huge part of why we use your service every day.

The onsite cameras are a mixed bag for me. At first I appreciated the monotony of watching people prep and make food during the middle of the night. Having something I could zone out on was cool and especially useful if I’d been partying too hard. The problem was that we’d occasionally see stuff that wasn’t so appetizing. It turned out that the overnight guy at our favorite pizza shop had a itch he couldn’t seem to scratch no matter how hard he tried, and man did he try. He scratched himself often and everywhere. The pies just didn’t taste the same after we saw how they were made. We also had a custom cake place we used to get dessert from all the time until we saw that the head baker liked to keep his hands warm inside his assistants pants. They’d go at it on the prep tables making adultery angels in the piles of flour. When we saw that they’d still use the flour, we stopped ordering pastries. I filled out all the proper complaint forms of course, but I guess I’m just the kind of guy who believes ignorance is bliss.

So there it is. Maybe have a no camera option so people don’t get caught going down that rabbit hole and more Mark. Leave everything else the same. Feel free to pass my feedback on down the line. If you’re ever looking for someone to do like testimonials or be a spokesperson or something hit me up. I’m pretty articulate and a good looking dude who could use a side gig that doesn’t take too long. My chili crab bill is starting to get crazy.

Very satisfied customer,
Jake Tripper

STORYLINE

Company Offers Homes that you can Veil

tinyhomes.jpg

Construction company owner Ronnie Kalipalani didn’t think that one of his pet projects would make him famous. He certainly never dreamed that it would have many hailing him as a housing innovator, but that’s what has happened to the 38-year-old Lahaina resident. Kalipalani’s “Veil Houses” have renewed enthusiasm in the tiny house movement and municipalities from across the country have expressed interest in his compact designs.

The small housing movement gained notoriety in the 1970’s by people looking for economical and environmentally friendly housing alternatives. Early versions came with wheels and could be less than 100 sq. ft. in size. 30 years later, the movement really took off thanks to a number of TV shows and decreasing space in urban areas. Many championed the movement as a solution to emergency or low-cost housing, and a handful of pilot programs began across the country. The Veil House’s origins were less lofty, however.

“My crew is really tight and we like to take vacations together. One year we basically reserved an entire floor of a hotel but when we tried to check in they told us the reservations were messed up. It was spring break so finding rooms for everyone was a nightmare. We ended up at 5 different hotels spread out over 12 miles. It sucked! We started talking about buying or renting RVs for future trips but driving around a small house seemed like a pain. Then I joked that we should just build little houses that we could have Veilcorp ship to whatever destination we wanted. After thinking about it for a while, I decided to give it a shot.”

What Kalipalani came up with won’t win any awards in aesthetics, but it has many excited. The Veil House’s resemblance to a small shipping container with windows is by design according to Ronnie. “We wanted to make sure that any of the standard equipment at a Veil station would be able to move the houses,” he says. While they may not look like much from the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that makes them special.

Each unit can be customized to a limited degree and ranges from around 150-250 square feet. Solar collecting roofing materials help regulate temperature and charge batteries built into the walls. Water hook-up is simple and the greywater recycling system helps conserve resources. The size and shape of the buildings make them very easy to move and the self-leveling skids make setup a breeze.

In 2005, after hurricane Katrina, an urban designer created what she called Katrina Cottages as an alternative to FEMA trailers. The cottages were supposed to be a more dignified and permanent solution for anyone whose neighborhood was devastated by flooding. Ronnie believes that his Veil House design could fulfill a similar role in cases of emergency. “The main advantage we have is that our houses don’t need to be assembled. You can ship them ready to go.” Other’s see Kapipalani’s creation as a possible solution to homelessness.

“We’ve been in contact with officials in Honolulu who are interested in setting up a program for the homeless. We’re going to provide 30 Veil Houses and help some people who could use a hand. We haven’t worked out all the specifics but I’m excited to build something other than cookie-cutter timeshare condos.”

While Kalipalani isn’t concerned about the details, others are. Some say that using housing designed to be transported quickly for the economically disadvantaged is a bad idea. “It’s a one-way ticket to gentrification,” says Mark Meawae a Hailoha driver and homeless advocate. “I know Ronnie personally and I’m sure his heart’s in the right place, it’s the politicians I don’t trust. If you don’t have any concerns about the government packing up a group deemed undesirable in houses designed for their ease of transport, you haven’t thought about it enough. I don’t think you need a good imagination to see how this could go wrong, just read any history book. Once you have people you don’t like grouped together, all you need to do is pass a zoning ordinance and ship them off. I agree that Ronnie’s design is cool and that we need to help the homeless; I’m just not sure we can trust that a program like this will stay altruistic.”

Kalipalani says that his houses have caught the eye of plenty in the private sector as well. Duracave in particular has offered him a manufacturing and marketing deal. “They have a lot more hands available than I do, and they make some good stuff. Having someone else do the heavy lifting for me is a dream come true. This past year has been crazy. I’m not sure how far this Veil House thing is going to go, but I’m going to sit back and enjoy every second of the ride.”