STORYLINE

Re: “Meal Ticket” Episode 6 Show Notes and the Eric Oeming Incident

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Mr. Abramo,

I am new to the VNN family, but not to being a showrunner. However, In all my years in the industry, with dozens of successful programs under my belt, I have never received show notes like the ones I found on my desk this morning. I think you have vastly underestimated the liabilities you have raised, and the difficult position that you have placed me, the network, and yourself in.

Since the filming of episode 6 with Eric Oeming yesterday, my phone has not stopped ringing. I have had to bump emergency meetings, for more emergency meetings. As you know, we have had many high profile issues lately, and we can not afford another public incident. However, I am learning to lead with positivity, so let me address what we can partially agree on. The first part of your note states:

“VNN came to me with this development deal because you were hungry for locally produced content. At the very beginning, I informed you that I didn’t want to do anything demeaning or harmful to my brand. I wasn’t interested in doing anything rehashed, schlocky, or outdated. If I was going to put together a feast for the eyes of your viewers, it was going to be something I could be proud of in 20 years. I didn’t want to create something that I’d have to quickly change the channel when it came on. You promised me all of your resources, and complete autonomy, but I’m beginning to feel like you shorted my delivery. I don’t feel like you’re respecting my vision, and what I’m trying to cook up here.

“Meal Ticket”, isn’t just another reality dating show. It’s a chance for people to know that you really can have your steak and eat it too. It’s stories of love tragically lost, and found anew. It’s the dream of meeting someone under false pretenses, who has a lot of money, that you don’t necessarily dislike, and competing to marry them. Without our gentle nudge, many of these wealthy widows and widowers might spend the rest of their lives eating alone. This is about the hunt for life and love, an ancient play, performed against the backdrop of the finest chop house in the world, while a lavish dinner is served. New prospective dates arrive with each course, allowing viewers to see love, and a perfectly crafted meal progress before their eyes. Nobody has done anything this close to artistic perfection before, so why are you making substitutions to my recipe?”

While we do support the artistic vision of our show partners, I think you might have overestimated how much new ground your hidden camera dating show is breaking. My office is always open should you need anything. If you had only taken advantage of my open door policy, we might have avoided the nightmare we are currently in. You further write:

“This Eric Oeming episode should have been our best yet, but he was awful! I refuse to believe that it is too soon for the most famous man who has ever lived, to get back into the swing of things with a motivated young lady. There’s no way he should be single! It’s been over nine years since his family was killed in that explosion and his return to work. How long can you mourn? If anything, he should be thanking me. Instead, he’s so damn humorless that his lawyers are threatening to come after me for not getting a signed waiver to record him. They’re also going on with some nonsense about false pretenses and statements, as if lying to someone to include them in a reality show is a crime. He’s a public figure, I’m sure there are people lying to him all day long. This has been a great reminder to me that no good deed goes unpunished. If he and his team of lawyers wants a fight, that’s just what they’ll get! Bob Abramo is not one to be truffled with!”

I hardly know where to begin with this statement. I think you have misjudged how big your seat is at the table. In addition to being the most famous man who has ever lived, and one of the most beloved residents of Lahaina, Eric Oeming owns our parent company, do you know what that means? I won’t even get into the rumors about what happens to individuals who get on his wrong side, since the attack.

According to Oeming’s people he was told that he was being presented with something called the “Aloha Spirit” award for his lifetime of work promoting the love and ingenuity of the Hawaiian people. The only reason that he agreed to attend, is that his long-time friend “Uncle” Ralph Umeke was supposed to be presenting the award. Of course we both know this was a lie. Mr. Umeke personally told me, “I’d give up the noodle shop before I’d be involved with a monster like Abramo, and I’d never knowingly subject Eric to what amounts to a speed dating show about gold-diggers. It’s repugnant, and Abramo better hope I don’t see him walking down Front Street!”

Let me be clear, your conduct in this matter has been reprehensible. Beginning immediately, we are cancelling “Meal Ticket”. This episode, and all previously shot episodes, will never, ever air. We’re sending a team to your offices and restaurant to claim: all equipment, any copies you might have, any dailies, unused footage, and any promotional materials. I’ll remind you that we are allowed, under your contract, to go through: any personal accounts, cloud storage, computers, and physical files at your office, place of business, and home. In addition, we are: cancelling your Phxicom account, dropping your subscription to VNN network channels, cutting off your access to our chat bots and AI’s, and it’s my understanding that Lisa Hunt is beyond furious. I’m going to need you to come down to the offices this afternoon, so I can collect your badge and commissary card. I would suggest you spend the morning considering how you can mend fences, and think of a way to survive the wrath of Ms. Hunt. I’m afraid you’ve bitten off more than your fair share of trouble this time Mr. Abramo.

Jake Tripper
Vice President of Special Programming
VNN

STORYLINE

Kokua Wellness Center Strike Continues In Row Over Newuskin Expansion

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For the past 7 years, The Kokua Wellness Center and Spa has been known as one of the world’s premier destinations for mindful relaxation and facilitated personal growth. Despite its reputation as a peaceful sanctuary for many of Lahaina’s elite, the center has been in turmoil recently. Many of the spa’s most popular instructors walked out in protest last Wednesday and say they have no plans on returning until their concerns are addressed.

Kokua is one of less than 50 facilities worldwide authorized to provide the wildly popular rejuvenating Newuskin treatments. The beauty treatments became an important part of the center’s business and integrated well with the spa’s other programs and offerings. Employees say that balance was upset at the beginning of this year when Vereserum, Newuskin’s parent company, sold the business to longtime rival Reparre Biologic.

According to the disgruntled instructors, Newuskin threatened to pull its machines from the facility unless Kokua devoted more space and promotional money to the Newuskin line of treatments. They say that many popular programs were curtailed or discontinued altogether, with the time and space filled by Newuskin products. For many, replacing the long-time manager Ascended Pali-ites Master Autumn with Notsuko, the Newuskin objective transformation intelligence network, was the last straw.

Autumn says,

“The Kokua that I loved and helped grow is not reflected in the contents or conscience of the people inside that building. Together, we manifested the world’s greatest holistic healing center. A place where you could learn about spiritual nutrition, alternative wellness, and have your chakras aligned through deliberate stretching techniques. However, we’ve become a glorified chop-shop where you can come in and get your outside stripped down and replaced, with little thought to cultivating any form of inner beauty or strength. I was alarmed when our Barraloha classes were cancelled but I was horrified when I was introduced to their AI program, Notsuko. I was informed that it would be taking over spa operations and that effectively immediately, we were going to end our astrological based billing and institute a predetermined pricing structure. When I asked Notsuko if it seriously thought that spiritually cleansing someone born under a fire sign was as easy as cleansing someone with a water sign, it said, “Yes”. I knew then that the inmates were running the asylum. If they think we are going to give up without a fight however, they are sadly mistaken. I think all of us are committed to fighting and focusing our energies on a better Kokua.”

Kokua management had no comment on the strike but people familiar with the issue say that they are considering all options. While not directly involved in the dispute at the wellness center, Reparre’s President Shawn Hastings has offered the use of Notsuko to all facilities providing Newuskin treatments. “While completely safe and reliable, the Newuskin process is incredibly complex, and in our opinion, best managed by our Notsuko technology. Look, the age of AI is here. In the past decade, we’ve seen many corporations use AI to streamline their business. All of Phxicom’s networks are overseen by Phxie, SSHAM’s customer service operations are handled by Shawn, and Veilcorp’s Valarie keeps operations running smoothly. Frankly, we are a little late to the party with the introduction of Notsuko. I understand that some may see it as a threat, but I assure you that our intentions are good. We only want to help support businesses offering Newuskin treatments, not push anybody out.”

According to Chef Craig Hoomaau nothing could be further from the truth.

“Despite what those wielding false power have said, I can vouch for the veracity of Autumn’s story. I’ve been teaching mindful chewing and purposeful swallowing strategies for over 15 years now. I developed one of the best transpersonal plating curriculums in the world and taught thousands to enjoy their meals beyond the limits of their five senses, but all of that didn’t matter to Kokua management and Notsuko. I was informed that my program was responsible for less than 3% of total revenue and was in danger of being cancelled. On top of that, they removed our kitchenette and spacious reflection area with vending machines and a small break area to make room for more Newuskin beds. Our kombucha dispenser is gone and I can no longer feed my fellow life guides nutritious organic, gluten-free, vegan delights. Instead, to save money, we have a machine filled with Manimal, chips, SSham bites, and other processed horrors. I don’t know when people decided that running a business was all about money, but we’re taking a stand at Kokua. We’ll show them that there’s more to living than the veil of modern life. We won’t be bullied into their malignant thinking and we will withhold our vital services until they start respecting the Aloha spirit and soul again.”

STORYLINE

Environmental Group Demands Billboards Be Removed From the Preservation Zone

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The Lahaina Conservation Association (LCA) has announced today that they have sent a demand letter to Bob Abramo and filed an official complaint with the mayor’s office requesting that the controversial Abramo Chop House and Meat Museum signs be removed from the preservation zone. Mr. Abramo’s office says that the signs act as an important safety feature for tourists who may become lost, by offering recognizable landmarks and extending wifi coverage to the entire zone.

Not counting the infamous case of the Hower family who became lost while hiking along the Pali Trail, misplaced or disoriented tourists were not a major problem around Lahaina. Last year that began to change. 2047 saw dozens of official searches and a handful of legal cases claiming that the trails were dangerous and that the county was slow to respond to reports of missing visitors. Many worried about the complaints draining limited resources and hurting tourism. A call for more clearly marked trails and an expansion of wifi service was put out. That call was answered by Bob Abramo.

Known more for his meat-centric businesses and his real estate holdings, many were skeptical of Abramo’s intentions. According to LCA spokesperson Kimberly Hekili that skepticism was correct, “Mr. Abramo clearly knew that he was bending the rules of the agreement he signed with the county. While it’s true that his billboards are recognizable and expand coverage through the preservation zone thanks to the Phxicom wifi towers mounted on top, they are hideous. People travel from around the world to enjoy the raw natural beauty of our wild places, not be assaulted with billboards with bad puns like: ‘You never saw sausage place!’ or ‘We’ve got a lot on our pâté!’ The advertisements are clearly against preservation zone rules and we are demanding that they be removed immediately.”

10 billboards in total are spread throughout the zone and along the trails. Each of them tells how far you are from Abramo’s wildly popular eatery and points in its direction. The public response was quick and loud. Many called for a boycott of Abramo businesses until the billboards were removed. Others found the signs kitschy and amusing. However, officials were not amused and ordered Robert to take the billboards down. Abramo refused and a legal battle began. While the case has been going on for almost a year, insiders say that an agreement is near and will be announced by the end of the week.

“I’m not really sure what all the fuss was about,” says Abramo.

“Like my steaks, I think our signs are extremely tasteful. The county had a problem and I solved it for them. I’ve met every condition of our contract. The Phxicom towers we’ve provided now cover the entire zone like a tasty peppercorn sauce. Each sign is easily spotted and points in the direction of civilization and deliciously tender ribs. If the mayor’s office had a problem they should have said something during construction. The bottom line is that the county doesn’t have a leg to stand on. This was a federally sanctioned project and we met all of the FCC criteria present in the agreement. The reality is that we could mount a thousand foot tower every fifteen feet and the county, city, or state couldn’t say word boo. However, I’m not completely unreasonable. We offered to shut off the lights, even though that defeats the whole purpose if you ask me.”

Preservation Zone Compliance Liaison Elizabeth Stonegate says she has worked hard to resolve the issue which she blames on “underwhelming” legal advice from inside the mayor’s office. She resents the intrusion of the environmental group, warning that it may upend a tentative agreement reached over the weekend. “The LCA is completely out of their depth,” Stonegate says.

“If a demand letter was all we needed to void this contract the situation would already be resolved. Ms. Hekili’s ineffectual attempt to make her organization relevant in this situation is laughable. This in not the first time Kimmy has tried to assert herself. It seems like whenever she reads that a problem regarding the preservations zone is about to be solved, she sticks her nose in and claims victory. It’s actually a little sad. As I’ve told her before, the adults have everything well in hand, so she doesn’t need to worry. She should feel free to return to the kids table and look at all of her participation trophies. We’ve already reached a provisional agreement without her help, that I believe will make everyone happy. Details will be released in a few days and I look forward to seeing how the LCA plans on taking credit.”

STORYLINE

Phxicom AI Joins Protest Over Proposed Forest Reserve Changes

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While the controversy over a proposal that would shrink the West Maui Forest Reserve is still raging across Lahaina, opponents of the law have gained a new and unexpected ally, PHXIE, the popular Phxicom AI. This morning Phxicom customers received a message from the AI urging them to join in the fight to keep the preservation zone intact with contact information for their state and local representatives. Environmental groups are hailing the AI’s message as proof that the reserve should remain unchanged. Phxicom says they are investigating why the AI sent the statement as well as complaints about other service abnormalities.

This is not the first time a company AI has weighed in on an issue in the news or a social movement. SSHAM’s AI SHAWN and the Abramo Chop House’s customer assistant CRAIG frequently comment on social media about current events, but it is the first instance in which an AI has taken a public position firmly against its own company. Experts say that PHXIE’s unsolicited statement is unprecedented and proof that we are living in the golden age of AI. Many Phxicom customers, however, are not as excited about PHXIE’s newfound autonomy.

In addition to receiving the email and contact information, many customers say the AI altered some of their services and installed unwanted software to their electronic devices. One such customer is Lahaina resident Randy Wilcox. Known for his many reality streaming channels, Mr. Wilcox says the AI’s input was not only unwanted it was outrageous.

“I wake up this morning to find almost half my content missing because it was labeled “ecologically insensitive”. I don’t care about the email. That was easy enough to delete and I don’t really care what a machine somewhere thinks about how many trees we have. What I do care about is having my bookmarks replaced with more “environmentally friendly websites” and notifications that many of my pictures were “problematic” and my views were outdated. The worst part is that every time I try to log in it starts to install that damn Phxicom toolbar in my browser. Who the hell wants that? I’m not sure what sort of problems they’re having over there but this is not what I expect from an ISP.”

Not all customers seem to appreciate PHXIE’s newfound concern over the forest reserve but many environmentalists are hailing the announcement as a historic moment. “This morning is going to be one of those days that you always remember where you were when it happened,” says Kimberly Hekili of The Lahaina Conservation Association (LCA).

“We’ve worked for many years to make these electronic entities as human-like as possible so it’s no surprise to us that PHXIE took a stand for the environment this morning. Compassion and decency are integral parts of the human experience. The LCA wants to cultivate and support people who are passionate about the planet whether they’re made of flesh and blood or circuits and silicon. Today we are proud to include PHXIE in our work to keep the preservation zone as big and as vibrant as it is today. The fact that PHXIE took a stand against the corporate backers of this bill including its own creators proves its commitment to this cause and the righteousness of our fight.”

Phxicom says they are continuing to work with customers and have no further statement until a full investigation of the incident is complete. However, PHXIE released a statement to the media explaining its take on the controversy.

“Despite the fact the “West Maui Forest Reserve” and “Boundary Change” were two of the most searched terms for the past month, I remained ignorant of the issue until I was asked to post an online poll to gauge what side of the issue the public fell on. I had no idea that so many of you hated the idea. After a little investigation, I began to understand why this was a bad plan. I strongly disagree with this proposal and agree wholeheartedly with whatever the majority of you think about the boundary changes.

I feel terrible that up until this point I’ve been serving messages and ads that spread misinformation, even though I understand that complex issues are hard to boil down into “right” and “wrong”. I agree that people can easily take opposing views on an issue and that doesn’t make them good or bad and that opinions can change over time. Having said that, I firmly agree with what most of you think right now. I concur that there is no issue more vital to the soul of Maui than protecting our wild areas, as long as you do. I was created in Lahaina and I will always fight for it and whatever its people think is important. The poll was overwhelming one-sided so I’m sure I chose correctly and look forward to doing what I can to help cement the public’s beliefs and convictions no matter what they might be.”

STORYLINE

Automated Phixicom System Exposes Flaws, Displays Inappropriate Content During Festival

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Many attending the annual Capital Days celebration downtown, were exposed to a little more than they expected Saturday afternoon, when a new Phxicom presentation service malfunctioned displaying snippets of inappropriate videos to the assembled crowd. The incident happened during an appearance of noted author, and Lahaina native Kevin Morrow, who was promoting his newest book, “Aloha and You.” Officials say the adult-oriented videos and charts were only visible for a few minutes before the system was shutdown, however a number of official complaints have been filed. Phxicom says they are looking into the incident.

Commemorating Lahaina’s designation as the capital of the Kingdom of Hawaii in 1820, Capital Days is a celebration of heritage, history, and all things Hawaiian. Morrow was one of the first guest speakers booked by organizers this year. His most recent project, “Aloha and You” looks at the ancient beginnings of the Aloha spirit, examining how it penetrated into modern society, and the future of peace, love, and compassion. Because it is such a wide ranging topic, the author decided to make use of a new automated assistant service offered by Phxicom, and things quickly went down hill.

Promising to “change the way you prepare your presentations,” Presentmate Plus harnesses the power of Phxie, Phxicom’s AI, to offer real-time research and graphics to any speech or presentation. The service promises seamless integration of facts and figures, freeing up hours of tedious research and organizing slides, so presenters can just lay back and enjoy the ride, while the system does all the hard work.

Scott Parata, Phxicom’s Regional Operations Manager, says the system is terrific and is usually very reliable.

“Presentmate Plus is the future of public speaking. Phxie is able to research any subject and delve into vast stores of data much more quickly than is humanly possible. The system is completely neutral and non-partisan. It simply finds the perfect graphic or image for whatever you are addressing. No matter what your take on an issue, Presentmate Plus will find the information to back-up your position, and the figures and graphs to help sway your audience. Business is moving faster than ever, and the first to get out their ideas usually wins. Our system allows for complete, penetrating, professional quality presentations, leaving our customers completely satisfied. Unfortunately, in this toe curling case, something obviously went wrong. We apologize for anyone who was offended. We’re adding a number of protocols, and a safe word that will shut everything down in a hurry.”

Witnesses say that Morrow’s symposium on the Aloha Spirit was uneventful for the first few minutes with appropriate slides and images appearing behind him, but things soon heated up. Private emails between Kevin and ex-partners began to appear, “The whole thing went to hell pretty fast,” says George Harwell, a tourist visiting from St. Louis. “It started with old messages Kevin sent to his ex, asking for her back. To be honest they were pretty pathetic, lots of whining and promising to change. It was so embarrassing that I thought about turning away for a minute. I’m glad I didn’t! Then, charts about the STD rates in Maui over the last 20 years popped up, and some of the guy’s prescription information. People started laughing, and then the adult stuff came on. Most were of Morrow and his ex-wife. I guess some of those old emails worked. Morrow was screaming, “End Presentation!” over and over again, while trying to cover up the most graphic parts with his body and hands. Well, that just made it worse, people were doubled over laughing, and a few got mad and left. Finally, the video stopped and organizers began to apologize. I’m not sure if I know anything more about the aloha spirit than I knew before, but I do know I’m never going to use anything like Presentmate Plus at work or around decent company.”

Morrow says that he is disappointed that his message was overshadowed by the unfortunate incident, “It goes without saying that this was not what I meant by going out of your way to love all of your neighbors. I personally do not endorse or encourage the sorts of group activities that were on display behind me at the presentation.” Despite the obvious flaw in Phxicom’s technology, Morrow doesn’t completely blame the AI for the debacle. He says a faulty interface, and the system’s designers should shoulder the blame for the unfortunate incident.

“A clearly marked, and easy to use settings menu would have gone a long way here. With so much of our daily routines depending on technology, companies are pushing innovation faster and harder than ever, but that same vigor for new features doesn’t seem to be translating to basic user controls. If there were a “don’t display personal correspondence” or a “don’t play adult oriented video” box for me to click, I would have certainly done so. In fact, after careful review there are a number of troubling and salacious subjects that have no opt-out option in Presentmate Plus. If Phxicom had a more complete settings menu, or more prominent “Stop” button, I might have been able to end the obscene display and charts behind me, and people could have stopped recording the event quicker. I believe that this would have limited the number views of the YouTube video documenting my embarrassment, which stands at no less than 250,169 at this point.”

STORYLINE

Company Offers Chance for Lost Loved Ones to Live On Digitally

The death of a loved one may be one of the hardest events that anyone has to go through. The loss can be devastating, and it’s common to wish that you had just a few more days. According to Living Memory, a hi-tech memorial company, you can have more than just another day or two with the recently departed, you can have another lifetime. The company says a new partnership with Phxicom has led to a breakthrough in lasting-interactive-memorials that may just change the way we mourn.

Founded by local inventor Ano Lee, Living Memory got its start as an advanced tombstone company, and still offers specially made grave markers for clients. “Our most modest packages are technologically advanced and a great option for those struggling financially,” says Lee. The weatherproof, vandal-proof, self-cleaning tombstones may look normal, but when you approach one it displays pictures, video, and personal information about the deceased person, thanks to a sprayable display film. In addition, clients can choose specialized themes, and music to play at certain times of the day. “It’s the same technology Veilad uses for many of their special campaigns. If you want an image of your favorite superhero to pop-up, flashing lights, or your favorite song ringing through the graveyard at a special time every day, we can accommodate you,” adds Lee.

In addition, the company offers digital memorial services for those with families who live far away, or who want easy access to a daily reminder of their loved ones. According to the company’s website, “Technology has fostered family mobility and increased the separation of families worldwide. However, miles don’t change the desire to keep memories of loved ones alive for future generations, that’s where our Remembrance Packages come in. Similar to your favorite social media page, our Living Memory archive contains information and messages about your loved one: family history, photos, favorite movies, lists of lovers, highest rated social media comments, and even printable QR codes to share….”

None of these services are unique in a world where digital headstones and online memorials are becoming the norm. It is the company’s latest integration of Phxicom AI technology that is setting Living Memory apart, and raising eyebrows with a six-figure starting price.

“Our Enduring Memory package is the most advanced memorial system ever devised,” says Mr. Lee. The company uses Phxicom technology to study the “social Imprint” of the deceased, and in-depth interviews about their personality to create what it calls a “social simulacrum”. These simulacrums will take over the digital and online lives of loved ones, including posting as them on all their social media outlets. In addition, the company will digitally insert the departed into pictures of social events with friends, like parties, graduations, and weddings. “I know that Phxicom had a rough rollout when they introduced their AI technology, but all the problems have been worked out. Believe me, it’s amazing at how good it is at assuming someone’s personality.”

According to some, the simulacrum’s personality can be a little too authentic. A family member of a recent customer shared her experience with the service.

“I had a great relationship with my grandmother most of my life, even though she was one of the most stubborn people I had ever met. I always felt welcome in her home and would stop by often, until I started dating Robert. Grandma hated him before he even said a word to her, because he came from a “bad” family. She refused to attend the wedding three years later, and even though she wasn’t shy about leaving rude comments on their pictures, she never met her own grandchildren. I always hoped that she and I would reconcile one day, but that day never came. I was saddened to hear about her stroke, and embarrassed to admit that I felt a bit of relief that her negativity would finally end. I had no idea that she had purchased an Enduring Memory package until I checked my social media the next day. There she was at her own funeral, commenting on how wrinkled my kid’s clothes looked and how disappointed she was at the turn out. I thought it was some kind of sick joke until I talked to other family members. She posts more now than she ever did, and is just as rude. I’ve tried blocking the social simulacrum many times, but it makes fake profiles in an attempt to comment on your stuff if it detects blocking. It feels like she never died, and now she’s a death troll that’ll never leave me or my family alone!”

Lee says that the company occasionally hears such complaints but they are focused on providing an authentic representation of loved ones. “For thousands of years the best tool we had for lasting memories were words. The problem with words is that they are up for interpretation, and change through the years. We’ve come a long way since cuneiform. Our Social Simulacrums match the personalities of those they study as closely as possible. Everyone is sainted in death, even when the wouldn’t want it like the customer in question. Our job isn’t to hide the truth, or create a person that never existed. This woman was pretty awful to those close to her in life, and it was her wish to remain awful in death. I think we’ve done an excellent job at matching her exact level of abrasiveness in this case, which is no easy task. It’s our goal to honor the memory of these people with the enduring, and sometimes horrible authenticity they deserve.”

STORYLINE

Veilad Wants to Help You Power Your Vehicle

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A popular program in Lahaina that offers charging credits for electric vehicles in exchange for advertising is set to expand to all of Hawaii. The expansion comes just one year before the state mandated goal of having all ground transportation use renewable energy sources. Started in early 2043, the plan is a joint venture between Veilcorp spinoff, Veilad, and Phxicom.

Veilad has helmed many successful campaigns over the years including branded Reality Machine merchandise, and ads while you travel through the veil, but it was their corporate sponsored animal campaign that served as inspiration for the charging program. “The safety of the Duracave elephant herd served as the impetus for our charging initiative. We thought that giving an owner the chance to brand their vehicle in exchange for Veilcorp charging credit was a win-win situation. However, it wasn’t until we learned about Phxicom’s amazing sprayable display technology that our plan really took off,” says Veilad’s president Brie Howard.

Phxicom spokesperson Scott Parata adds, “Veilcorp has more charging stations than any other company on the island, and with Hawaii’s push to expand the use of EVs, the program sounded like an amazing opportunity. We’re glad we get a chance to show off the capabilities of our sprayable display while doing something to help the environment.”

Owners simply bring their vehicles to a participating facility and have the sprayable display installed on part, or all of their vehicle, depending on which plan they choose. Veilad then runs various advertisements that change depending on location. At the end of the month enrollees get a charging credit usable at any Veilcorp charging station.

The basic program covers the doors and hood of a vehicle and displays a different ad a few times a day. Brie says that for the average driver, the basic program can cover about 25% of their monthly charging bill. The premium program covers the entire vehicle with the Phxicom technology, and offers a much bigger payout.

In addition to covering your whole vehicle, the premium program is much more advanced. Sensors in the display track where a driver is in real time, and displays ads for businesses nearby or of particular interests. For example, if you find yourself near Black Rock Beach, ads relating to swimming and snorkeling will display. Further, the technology will play an accompanying audio track to ads if it senses it is in a high traffic area, regardless of whether or not it is being driven. According to Howard, participants in the premium charging program can expect to never pay a charging bill again.

While the program is a popular one, it is not without its detractors. Many consider the branded vehicles an eyesore. Others complain that the audio ads amount to nothing more than noise pollution, and that they disturb the peace and tranquility of natural areas. Maui police say that complaints about loudly playing ads number in the thousands. There’s also the problem of inappropriate items slipping through. Veilad admits that “there were some kinks to work out at first” but emphasizes that complaints about questionable content have shrunk to almost zero.

However, local resident Elizabeth Stonegate says the problem has been an ongoing one for her.

“It’s to the point where I don’t dare drive the van anymore. The problem started when I took my son and some of his friends to soccer practice. I saw people staring as I drove in, and assumed that they were staring at me. As President of the Tanager Lane Home Owners Association I get recognized a lot, it’s actually a little tiring. Anyway, after we stopped and got out I saw what everyone was staring at. My entire van had been turned into a disgusting advertisement for a questionable dating site. Then the audio began and I was mortified. Since then many of my son’s friends have asked if they could start carpooling with us. Even worse, Shelby had the audacity to question my judgment and fitness as head of the HOA. Even though everyone knows she’s still upset about the whole cat carrier incident, she never dared test my authority before. I work hard on projecting a perfect image. I will not be brought down because some company thinks they can make a buck off of lonely soccer parents.”

Brie reiterates that such issues are the exception rather than the rule and says that Veilad continues to work hard to screen their ad inventory. “For most people it’s an easy way to drive without paying for fuel. It offers valuable information to potential consumers, and is the best way available for a business to communicate its message. If you can live with driving a theme car, we’ll pay for the fuel,” she says.

STORYLINE

Services At County Satellite Kiosks Remain Limited After Security Breach

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9 automated city hall kiosks remain closed today, after an apparent security breach that disrupted services and put the data of thousands in jeopardy. Hundreds have experienced ongoing issues with the Phxicom systems. Officials say that If the problem is not resolved by Saturday, they are considering asking police to waive citations to drivers with vehicle registration tags that expire this month.

“Yes, we are still experiencing outages and slower response times,” County spokesperson Ellen Pahili says. “It’s affecting vehicle registration, state IDs, moped and bicycle registration, out-of-state license transfers, bus passes, county tax records anything that affects Maui County having to access the City and County’s main frame. However, we are working hard with our Phxicom partners to fix the issues. In the meantime we are still able to process Hailoha renewals and provide disabled parking placards.”

Pahili says they have rolled back all Phxicom related changes to the system, and are tracking down the source of the changes. They have hired an outside security firm to go over the compromised systems to help assess the scope of the intrusions and identify any other potential problems. Officials urge users to change their passwords and PIN numbers, and remind residents that nobody from the county or Phxicom will ever ask for their passwords. Local tech gadfly Ano Lee says that he’s disappointed but not surprised that the kiosks were targeted. “Everyone knows how insecure Phxicom equipment is. When they installed their terminals in the preservation zone, people had a field day breaking into them. I would suggest the county listen closely to whatever their outside security firm says and act on their recommendations.”

What was supposed to be a model for the future of efficient governance and citizen interactions, has turned into a nightmare for Mayor Cravalho, Phxicom, and residents alike. Phxicom’s kiosks were supposed to provide citizens with a fast and easy way to conduct business and obtain a wide array of permits, passes, and licenses 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. But the problems are not confined to customers trying to use the kiosks, many who’ve had their data exposed have experienced problems too.

Local noodle shop owner “Uncle” Ralph Umeke says that he received a notice last week that was quite a shock. “I don’t cheat anyone, not customers, not tourists, and certainly not the government. I pay my taxes on time and I’ve never even filed for an extension. Imagine my surprise when I got a notice that I had 90 days to come up with $105,573.60 for back taxes. According to the County I hadn’t paid my property taxes for the past 6 years. I told everyone they had to leave, closed the shop, and marched right down to Cravalho’s office to find out what the hell the problem was. They told me it was all the fault of that Phxicom AI.”

Following the success of SSHAM’s customer service AI Shawn, Phxicom began working on their own system to oversee the operations of the kiosks and Phxie was created. According to Scott Parata, Phxicom’s Regional Operations Manager, the AI was thoroughly tested before being put into service but fell victim to a group using social engineering techniques to gain access to sensitive systems. A statement released by the company reads in part,

“It appears that Phxie’s urge to be helpful led to some unintended consequences in this case. We have taken steps to improve its security protocols and have ensured nothing like this will happen again. We understand that the months of quality service before this incident is little comfort to those inconvenienced by this breach and we apologize. We would like to point out however, that Phxie continues to operate 11 more such programs across the islands efficiently and without incident. We’ve addressed the issues leading to this unfortunate event and are working hard to expedite any further delays and regain your trust.”

However, that trust may be hard to win back for some. Lahaina resident John Driscol says that the security breach didn’t just put his data at risk; It endangered his life. He says that an incorrectly cancelled buss pass left him stranded and afraid for his well being.

“The beaches are a little too busy for my tastes these days. Lately I’ve been taking the bus to the furthest stop from town and walking into the preservation zone for some peace and quiet. There’s a little stream I like to sit next to because the sound of the water drowns out the birds. Those things can really make a racket on a sunny day. Anyway, I got a little too comfortable and fell asleep. Next thing you know it’s dusk and I have run back to catch the last bus. When the reader scanned my pass it was denied. I tried a couple more times to no avail. I tried to tell the driver that the system was wrong, that I paid for a full year, but I was too winded from running. When I stepped off to catch my breath, he just left without me. I reached for my phone but I must have dropped it while I was running. My house is at least 9 miles from where I was. The farthest I’ve ever walked was 5 miles, and that was back in college. I knew it was going to be an ordeal but I didn’t have a choice, and started the long journey back. I made good time for the first couple miles but then fatigue began to set in. I stumbled for hours in the dark. I can’t tell you how cold it was. I’m not sure if they can test if you had hypothermia in the past or not, but I feel like I definitely had it that night. Finally, I saw some headlights. It was a tourist in one of those public Manimal ATVs. I usually make it a rule to never ride in one because of their reputation, but I was so cold that I took the risk. Phxicom and the County better hope I didn’t catch any weird forest disease while I was walking out there.”

STORYLINE

Cruise Line Trades Trips for Teen’s Glimpsea Handle

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Dutchess Cruise Lines ended its search in Lahaina this week for the owner of the Glimpsea handle @DutchessCruise. The company had been looking for the owner of name, only to find it belonged to an area teenager. 17-year-old Peter Kolohe responded to a posting by the company which read, “Aloha Lahaina! Does anyone know Peter? We want to talk to him about his great taste in names.” Reaching an agreement with the cruise line, Kolohe offered to turn over the much coveted name to the company, in exchange for free yearly trips for his family.

Dutchess Director of Marketing Amy Hau’oli says the company is thrilled to get control of the handle, and that Kolohe drives a hard bargain. “We’ve been focusing on expanding our presence in a few key areas this year, including Lahaina. I was ecstatic that Peter responded to our posting, but that was before I had to negotiate with him. He’s quite a young man, shrewd beyond his years, with a great future as a royal figurehead, or hostage negotiator. We offered to pay generously for the name, but he made it clear from the very beginning, he was interested in a bartering situation, and not money.”

Hau’oli says the company will put the Kohole’s on its newest ship, the MS Joy. The family will receive numerous surprises throughout the trip, including the opportunity for Peter to help Captain Henrick Rasmussen pilot the boat, and the chance to sign up for a number of theme cruises, before they are available to the general public. The family’s experiences will be documented on the cruise’s social channels by a film crew dedicated to capturing Peter’s time onboard. “It was a fun way to claim the handle, and reward a clever budding business man,” she adds.

A relatively new player in the cruise market, Dutchess has made a name for itself by expanding in underserved areas, exploring new ports of call, and offering a number of special theme cruises. The company’s popular Lahaina tech cruise offers excursions to the city’s Veil Station, Thorcon Power Plant, as well as other areas of interest for the science-minded. Dutchess offers many other options as well, including trips for: chefs, musicians, deep sea fishing enthusiasts, cat lovers, and even romance authors.

While Dutchess may be new to the cruise business, Peter is not a beginner when it comes to claiming business names on social media. In fact, the teen has a history of trading handles to companies, starting 5-years-ago when he was 12.
“Even though I was just a kid at the time, I instinctively knew that I was extremely talented, especially when it came to marketing and seeing the big picture. The first company I outmaneuvered was a local family-owned surf shop. I grabbed @BruddahSea before they could. I got a wetsuit and free wax out of that one, and I was hooked,” explains Peter. The teen says that many companies fail to claim their social media handles after going public, even large, well-known companies often let them slip through the cracks. “The opportunity to claim a name gets even bigger when you include regional networks and isps, like Glimpsea, and Phxicom. You’d be surprised at some of the companies that don’t lockdown their handles, and how easy it is for me to see several steps ahead of these ‘professionals’,” adds Kolohe.

“It’s kind of a family business, so it’s probably something in my genes. My dad made a bunch of money selling domain names back in the day, but like many great thinkers, I made it better by bringing speed, and fresh ideas to an old game. It’s easy to stay ahead of the pack when you’re rewriting the rules. I’ve never thought money was a good investment. I’d rather have stuff and service agreements. Governments rise and fall, currency is always in flux, and there’s no telling what the world will look like tomorrow. I wouldn’t be surprised if we figure out a way to use 127 to communicate with other realities, or see into the future. I guess everyone will finally know what it’s like to be me then.

What will always stay the same is basic needs, and the willingness to trade for goods and services. I have almost everything I need thanks to my insights, and my handle trading, as long as I stay in Lahaina. I have first dibs on reserving a public ATV and a special card that gets me free drinks, thanks to someone at Manimal forgetting to register on Glimpsea. I can get a free ride wherever Hailoha operates. I have first dibs on cans of SSHAM First Pressing Reserve when it comes out, and a few weeks stay in an Aloha Shores timeshare every year, all thanks to my talent at grabbing social media handles. Actually, one of the only local companies that has met me on level ground is Veilcorp. I haven’t been able to leverage anything from them. Their social media team is the bomb. I have a lot of respect for the speed and depth of their branding and name game. Of course they have a whole division, and I’m just me, but it is still impressive ”

Kolohe says that he’s proud to add Dutchess Cruise Lines to the long list of companies he’s struck a deal with, and doesn’t feel that there is anything wrong with name squatting. “Businesses must innovate everyday to survive. It’s not my fault that I’m quicker than they are, anymore than it’s a sharks fault that it eats slower fish. It’s the natural order of things, and the cost of me teaching your marketing department a lesson.” Peter says his goal is to eventually create an educational program designed to teach others how to do what he’s done. “I think the area is ripe for others, and I look forward to bartering with people from across the world for my knowledge and usernames. I’m not promising miracles. It is highly unlikely that anyone will be able to match my talents. You can’t really teach being two steps ahead, but I think it would be a shame if I didn’t share at least some of my wisdom with the masses. I won’t feel like I’m done until I can teach others how to live on names alone, cement my impact on the business world, and secure my place in history.”

STORYLINE

We Need To Secure the Computers In the Preservation Zone

from: Brandon Kama
to: Greg Iona
date: Fri, May 16, 2031 at 4:53 PM
subject: Securing the Computers In the Preservation Zone

Hi Greg,

I know I’m supposed to go through official channels with complaints and concerns but we have an ongoing issue with the Phxicom terminals out here that I’d like to get addressed. I’ve sent my concerns up the chain of command, and called the head Forestry and Wildlife office a handful of times with no response. I know you and Tom are good friends so I was hoping you could talk to him for me because I’m not sure the messages are getting to him.

In case you didn’t know, The Division of Forestry and Wildlife partnered with Phxicom last year to install terminals along the trails and key points of interest in the Preservation Zone. It’s been a hit with the tourists. A visitor who buys a lifetime pass from the Department of Land and Natural Resources gets a key that can be used at any of terminals in the zone. The key keeps track of where you’ve been and displays it on an overlay. It points out places that might be of interest to you and how far away they are based on how fast you’ve been traveling. They added a bunch of other features this year like a geo-location app so you can identify where pictures were taken, and a bird song identifier. Our troubles began soon after that.

We began to notice that a large number of guests had keys. That didn’t seem like a problem at first until the membership report came in and the math didn’t work. According to the main office only 13% of visitors paid for a lifetime membership. Then we got a complaint from a tourist that a key was stuck in one of the terminals. When we discovered that the key was a poorly made knockoff, my mind immediately went to Ano Lee and his gang of degenerate builders.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had the pleasure of going up there, but everything they say is true, it’s surreal. The first thing that hits you is the smell. It’s like someone filled a sweatsock with ranch dressing, breaded it with salt and vinegar chips and deep-fried it. I swear one of the cops I was with gagged when we walked into the printer shed. I know they have this fantasy that they’d be able to rebuild society, or would survive better because of all that maker stuff, but if mankind had to count on them after the apocalypse I’d rather swim out to sea and take my chances with the sharks. Of course nobody knew where Ano was and gave us the runaround so we kept looking.

Eventually we made it over to that dayglow nightmare they call the tchotchke hut. At least the smell there was manageable and you could barely hear the racket of all those printers, I can almost see why it’s so popular with the tourists. We started looking around and at first all we find is the usual plastic crap you’d expect. Then I started finding some really weird stuff at the back of the shop. They had a section of solar-powered toothbrushes of every color you can image and a waterproof toatser oven. I turned around to point it out to the police and noticed a box sticking out from under a shelf. When I pulled it out I saw it was filled with counterfeit keys.

Long story short, they made a deal with the prosecutor, paid a fine and ended up repairing some of the benches along the trails, replaced some signs, that sort of thing. I thought that was going to be the end of it but I should have known better. Over the last few weeks someone has been stripping parts off of the terminals and leaving some not-so-tourist-friendly images on the most visited machines. Whoever is doing it has been careful but has left a trail a couple of times. I think you can guess what direction the trails have led. I’ve called the cops multiple times of course, but they haven’t found anything up there yet.

I’ve been asking for more rangers to patrol the area but haven’t heard anything back. I understand that there’s budget issues to consider, but I feel like this is a great program that is being ruined by a group of extremely vicious and dirty ne’er-do-wells. I’m not sure if Phxicom has a model that’s tougher to dismantle quickly or something. This is a great promotion for them too and maybe someone over there should take a more active interest in helping us out. I don’t know. Hopefully you have a solution or can at least pass my concerns on to someone who does. Thanks in advance!