STORYLINE

Reality Machine wants to sell your products

You are receiving this message because your business has been identified as a potential partner for an exciting new promotion with Veilcorp’s most successful spin-off, Reality Machine.

You already know how groundbreaking our technology is. Reality Machine has long been the industry standard in remote commerce. Our proven track record and quality products speak for themselves. Voted one of the most important inventions in modern history, our RMII models took the world by storm. Our remote vending machines offer companies the ability to sell products in more locations, at a lower cost than ever before.

By now you’ve heard the buzz about the speed and capabilities of our new RMIII line. The rumors are true. It’s internal recycler is faster and larger. Its materials printer is capable of creating almost anything given the proper resources. This version has so many upgrades that it would take pages to list them all. What it doesn’t have is you. That’s why we asked for help from the team at Veilad. They have been recognized by numerous organizations as one of the most innovative and fastest growing in the industry.

That’s right! The minds that brought you two of the most successful ad campaigns in history are joining our team. Their corporate sponsored animal campaign was hailed as one of the most important conservation programs in history. Due to its amazing success, the wild cheetah was almost saved from extinction. Billions of people worldwide can still watch the Duracave herd of elephants in their natural habitat thanks to their sponsorship initiative, but that’s not all.

Never content to rest on their laurels, Veilad created a way to display ads while you’re traveling through the veil. Their gateway program remains the most successful ad campaign ever created, generating over $10 billion dollars in revenue and reaching over a billion people so far this year. If you think that’s good, just wait until you hear what they’re planning next.

Veilad wants to help you and Reality Machine come together by offering unique branding opportunities. Every thriving business knows how important branding is. Consumer studies have shown one thing consistently over the years, branding adds perceived value to products. When presented with two identical products people choose the branded product as the most valuable even when they are unfamiliar with the brand. It is that perceived value that we plan on capturing with your help.

By agreeing to add your brand to the generic items already produced by the Reality Machine line, you can expand your reach at no additional cost, and allow us to raise the value of our crafted products. Imagine coupling the reach, convenience, and prestige of the Reality Machine brand with the recognition of your already established products. Best of all, Reality Machine does all the work. Avoid the headache of manufacturing and distributing your wares by letting us take care of it for you. Our machines are more than capable of creating products that meet your high standards, and your name brand recognition would allow us to charge a premium price.

We are even offering a preferred partnership program with a select group of interested businesses. We will work with your design team to craft logos and create tailored marketing campaigns to launch exclusive lines of products. Our research shows that consumers would be happy to pay an additional 10% on any item they felt was made exclusively for our vending machines. Let’s put different labels on things, and leverage our perceived values together. Your bottom line will thank you! Just contact our sales and marketing department and we’ll start designing our future together.

STORYLINE

Veilcorp Transports Contaminated Animals To Lahaina Facility

rat.jpg

from: Dr. Robert Coney

to: Eric Oeming
date: Fri, Oct. 12, 2036 at 5:53 PM
subject: Update and relocation of 6th Generation R2137 “Brisby” Line

A little over 9-years-ago we successfully sent subject R2137, (aka: Brisby), through the gateway and discovered that the process had made some profound changes in the animal. At that time I theorized that some of the amazing abilities exhibited by the rat would be passed on to her young. As we now know that theory was correct. We have carefully bred the “R” line with limited numbers into the 6th generation and I will continue to keep you apprised of any new developments and issues as they arise. That brings us to the recent incident in the Seattle facility.

4 subjects in the Brisby line were taken by Gaia Guard radicals when they attacked the lab. We followed protocol by removing all sensitive information from properties nearby and alerting our government contacts. They have been taking point with local law enforcement and have had control of the public messaging. Unfortunately the animals have not turned up so far and no arrests have been made.

To be honest Eric, we haven’t heard anything in over a year so I think nature has solved the problem for us. As we learned firsthand, the Brisby line is very hard to keep in enclosures. I find it highly unlikely that anyone ignorant of their abilities would be able to keep them contained. Since we haven’t had any reports of animals grouping together in large numbers, or acting oddly in any other way, I think we might be safe. Knowing how much the rats love to tinker with machinery and control any other animals they come in contact with, I find it doubtful that they would have survived without acting out. We will keep working until we have a definitive answer of course, but I think we can breath a little easier.

It has been a few months now since we’ve relocated the rest of the line to the Lahaina facility and they are assimilating nicely. Not only has the move proved beneficial from a security standpoint, but the rats seem to be thriving in their new environment. The 6th generation retain many of the abilities and characteristics of their predecessors.

The rats seem to be able to share information amongst themselves. Teach one a task or trick, and the others become immediately capable of performing the activity. This communal knowledge seems to be passed on at birth automatically without any outward teaching. The generation 6 line has retained knowledge taught only to previous generations in this way. The animals are capable of typing out words in order to communicate wants or needs, and are capable of impacting the behavior of other animals. This ability seems less powerful in the 6th generation than others, with the rats being able to change the mood of other animals (passivity being most common) rather than the total control demonstrated in past lines. This still makes them too dangerous around other animals however, as a lab assistant learned in Seattle when confronted by a dozen raging rabbits.

Their love of building blocks borders on obsessive, and their urge to examine and fix anything mechanical (within their physical capabilities) is almost as strong. In addition, they remain big fans of instructional videos especially anything involved with food production. The newly installed vending machine has been a big hit and has led to some interesting new behaviors. We just got the latest model from Reality Machine which includes a recycler and the rats have gone nuts over it.

Because of the cost, we tried in vain to keep them away from it at first, but eventually let them examine it under close supervision. It’s ability to breakdown items, especially food, led to some excited chattering around here. I’m not sure some of the flavor combinations are going to take the culinary world by storm but they seem to like them. Past favorites include vanilla-broccoli-bread and peanut butter and herring bites, with cheesy-raspberry-chips being the snack of choice for over a week. Additionally, their need to have these creations photographed have allowed a bit of much needed levity to creep in around here. I’ve attached some of the pictures and there are many more hanging around the lab. We can take solace in the fact that they don’t seem interested in taking selfies yet but a few do insist on being next to their food when pictures are taken. I’ll keep you updated on any further events as usual.

STORYLINE

If You Want Warm Cookies In the Jungle This VeilCorp Spin-Off Has Some Good News

Reality Machine, a daughter company to VeilCorp, plans on using gateway technology to help supply people in remote locations of the globe. Their prototype machine combines 3d-printing technology with a small internal gateway able to transport small items, about the size of a loaf of bread. Lead designer Bill Stewart says the machine still has a way to go before it’s a feasible alternative to going to the store, but may soon become the best way to provide supplies to far-flung corners of the world. “You’re not going to see one in your neighbor’s home anytime soon, but it does provide some interesting opportunities for relief organizations or groups working in distant areas.“

pocketcommander 1 hour ago
“First!”
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raisedright 1 hour ago
“At ease pocketcommander. Thank you for your service.”
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buffalophil 55 mins ago
“Typical Veilcorp bullshit. Trying to poison the world with extra-dimensional food.”
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BridgetT 53 mins ago
“Oeming really is shameless.”

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Howardthegoose 50 mins ago
“Yeah, fuck him for trying to figure out a way to get clean food and water to people after a natural disaster!”
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TerryH 49 mins ago
“It’s amazing that they can fit a power source powerful enough in something the size of a refrigerator. It has to put out a ton of heat though.”
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StewartB 49 mins ago
“Thanks Terry, we’re excited about it too. I work at RM/VC. I can’t get into specifics but we’ve come up with a way to diffuse virtually all of the heat from the power source. Your computer probably gets hotter. The linked article does a good job of diving down into the technology a bit, and you can see pictures of all of us eating cookies sent through the gateway.”
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Burgerthyme 46 mins ago
“Sounds good but I wonder how reliable the printer is. I have a mid-grade system and it breaks down at least once a year. I’m guessing Veilcorp can afford a better model than I have.”
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StewartB 45 mins ago
“I don’t know much about your finances but it’s probably safe to assume that Uncle Oeming has deeper pockets than you Burger :-). The printer was a big issue for us though. We tried a number of vendors but had a lot of trouble finding one that was tough enough for our purposes. In the end we just built our own. It’s great. I’ve actually been pushing to put it on the market, but I’m just the design guy.”
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Braddick 45 mins ago
“How does it feel to be a tool of the most evil organization this world or any other has ever seen?”
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Grabbage 41 mins ago
“This automatic poisoning machine brought to you by the US government and Veilcorp. Coming soon to an enemy of the state near you.”
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Brownbetty 41 mins ago
“Sounds good but I worked for the OCHA and we had a hard time getting basic medical supplies because of funding issues. Notice how the article doesn’t mention a price? I find the claims that this is being made for relief organizations highly suspect. If the UN can’t afford to send enough bandages to an area there’s no way they could pay for a portable gateway.”
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StewartB 40 mins ago
“There’s no doubt that this isn’t monetarily feasible yet. I said so in the interview. It’s still in the prototype stage, but I don’t think we’re as far away as you think. Once we work out all the kinks and find out what works… I have no doubt you’ll be seeing one of our machines in the field within 18 months. I can assure you nothing more nefarious than sending hot apple pie to research stations in the arctic is going on here.”
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Grabbage 40 mins ago
“So you’ve built a billion dollar pie machine?”
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Howardthegoose 38 mins ago
“VeilCorp doesn’t have the best public image lately, just look at some of the comments. I don’t have an opinion one way or the other but it is kind of interesting to me that the first spin-off is making a really expensive machine for use in an area that is probably full of really poor people or a place where everyone has just lost everything. Do you really plan on selling these or is the plan for this to be Oeming’s pet charity project.”
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StewartB 37 mins ago
“We absolutely plan on these machines being an effective tools in areas hit by disasters. As I’ve pointed out, the costs are going to way down once we get this working smoothly. Once that happens the price becomes reasonable for a larger organization or a government. We sell some more and the price goes down again and you start seeing them other places….on and on. That’s how developing and selling new technology works. As far as Oeming goes, he’s already given so much to society that it wouldn’t surprise me if he worked something out for people in need at some point but that’s a bit above my paygrade. I will say that I’ve been impressed with him every time we’ve met and he seems like he really just wants to make the world better.”
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Grabbage 36 mins ago
“It’s a good thing you’re typing this and not talking because I’m not sure we could understand you with Oeming’s dick in your mouth.”
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Braddick 36 mins ago
“I’m pretty sure there’s some people in Iowa who would disagree with you. I mean the ones who haven’t died of the cancer that he gave them.”
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pocketcommander 35 mins ago
“Cancer is for fags!”
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buffalophil 33 mins ago
“This is really a new low for this place. What Veilvertisement can we expect tomorrow?”
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raisedright 33 mins ago
“Are you kidding? This is exactly the type of thing we cover here, what part of it seems paid to you? I think it’s great that Stewart is actually here answering questions.”
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buffalophil 32 mins ago
“How close is your cubicle to Stewart’s?”
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Pieman 30 mins ago
“What other kinds of pie do you want to send through the gateway?”
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Brownbetty 29 mins ago
“Have you asked for input from any of these organizations? A lot of really smart people work in these areas even though it’s not that glamorous. Not everyone thinks money is the most important thing. I’m sure these people could help you figure out possible problems that you don’t even know about yet.”
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StewartB 28 mins ago
“We’ve been working closely with a number of different organizations and did quite a bit of research before we started building. In fact I have a number of engineers on my team who put time in with various relief groups after college. They’ve all been valuable so far.”
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HarryG 25 mins ago
“How did you get started? What’s a pitch to Oeming like?”
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pocketcommander 25 mins ago
“I think Oeming only catches”
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Prissypants 22 mins ago
“Just a matter of time before the Seattle plant starts capturing and transporting Sasquatch soldiers to the Congo. Lets see how bad they want to keep fighting when a bunch of wildmen commandos start popping out of boxes.”
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bigboned 20 mins ago
“Any plans on using these to replace fast food workers? I’m sure a machine could do a better job at not fucking up my order than the meth-heads working by me.”
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Knighttime 19 mins ago
“It’s been hinted at here already but I’ll come out and ask you directly. Are you telling us that no military applications have been discussed? Is any part of your funding coming from the government?”
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StewartB 18 mins ago
“We’re a publicly traded company so all of our financials are public. VeilCorp of course has many government contracts and is our parent company but that doesn’t have anything to do with us. I guarantee you that there isn’t a room full of generals sitting around here telling us what to do. The military already has a robust system for moving ammo and supplies so I’m not sure what military use our vending machine size project would have.”
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Braddick 18 mins ago
“So it’s beyond your ability to imagine how easy it would be send send a small nuclear bomb anywhere in the world with this?”
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StewartB 17 mins ago
“I don’t think the military would has any trouble sending a nuclear bomb of any size, anywhere in the world, right now. They don’t need our help. I think your tinfoil hat might be making your head too warm you might want to switch to aluminum or something.”
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Worktime 15 mins ago
“Have you tried it out on anything alive yet? I’ve always wanted a pig vending machine.”
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StewartB 14 mins ago
“No we haven’t, but I like the way you think.”
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Lawren27 10 mins ago
“Oh, wonderful time of the day to enjoy sexy time! Fancy given hand or two with! this issue? Try these pills!”
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Lancalittle 8 mins ago
“How inspired by the aliens would you say is your design process?”
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Turbocharged 7 mins ago
“Have you tried sending anything back in time?”
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Brando15 5 mins ago
“There’s been a lot of talk here about sending things back and forth to places that are hard to get to but I think we’re all missing the point. Humans don’t want to move. Sure it starts with big things like this but before you know it nobody is getting out of their chairs. Why get up and go to the bathroom to brush your teeth when you can get transported there. Why bother picking up your toothbrush when it can be gated into your mouth. We won’t even have legs in a hundred generations at this point.”

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pocketcommander 5 mins ago
“I liked Brando14 better.”
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Turk 4 mins ago
“It wasn’t mentioned in the article, but how long have you been working on this project. Do you keep the old models anywhere special? I heard Oeming has a collection of all the older Veilcorp projects as they’ve progressed.”
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StewartB 3 mins ago
“I’ve been here since the start. That was almost 2 years ago so we’re making really good progress. We’ve done most of the designs with computer models and the frame of the machine is the original. So there isn’t really a collection of old machines, just a pile of parts that didn’t work or failed somehow. I’m not sure how cool or educational it would be to look at a pile of old motherboards and burnt out motors. I’m pretty sure Oeming said as much in an older interview. If I’d had a hand in as much stuff he has I’d probably want to keep it in a collection as well. Having said that, I haven’t seen it but would jump at the opportunity.”
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StewartB 1 min ago
“Looks like things are slowing down a bit. Time to get some work done. Keep the questions coming. I’ll answer as many as I can later.”
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STORYLINE

Reality Machine Promo Materials With Edits From Marketing

All-in-one (Can we use the word “complete” here? All-in-one sounds like something you’d buy online at 3am -KY) maintenance machines have offered businesses and consumers alike a simple and convenient solution for repairs at a lower cost than traditional brick and mortar repair shops (Nobody says brick and mortar anymore, grandpa!- RB), as well as much needed services for those living in remote locations. These automated machines have opened up areas previously impractical for business, and have changed product distribution strategies worldwide. Veilcorp’s RMI (Do we need to use Is? They look like 1s, or Ls, and I hate this acronym – RB) has led this revolution, and is known as the industry standard in automated remote repair technology, but Reality Machine is about to change the game again, with the introduction of the brand new RMII. (Is this really the best name that marketing could come up with? Snds like a govt agency..-KY)

The RMII’s thoroughness and quality are what you’ve come to expect from Veilcorp technology, allowing the repair of a wide variety of items without worry. The machine is just as durable as previous models, making it one of the most resilient maintenance systems available on the market, (Lets not make vague statements like this-RB) but that is where the similarities end.

The RMII still offers the same rust resistant frame, but a new proprietary outer treatment inhibits plant growth, and keeps the machine clean with minimal need for a technician. Additionally, the new material printer is twice as fast as previous models, offering a wider variety of replacement part options, and increased tool production capabilities, all with a greatly reduced wait time.(See above-RB)

Large viewing panels allow machine operators a better view of the item being assembled or repaired. (And again, but I like mentioning the build viewing window. -RB) Our clear and easy to use Options screen provides a realistic and detailed image of what your finished product will look like when complete.

The RMII’s front deposit drawer is 20% wider (Are we sure it’s 20% wider?-KY) than the RMI, making it far less susceptible to jamming and allowing a wider array of products to be deposited. In addition, new openings and item rotation designs make the machine virtually maintenance free. (Is this a sentence? -RB)

It is the revolutionary paint, engraving, and finishing systems however, that make the RMII a game changer. Thanks to the self cleaning spray nozzles, the RMII can switch colors or finishes seamlessly without the need of a technician. (Probably not the message we want to send if we want to sell tech support plans-KY) Whether you are adding a new layer of paint, changing colors, applying a special coating or finish, adding epoxy, or gluing pieces together, (“Gluing” hasn’t tested well. Let’s use “adhering” -RB) the RMII never needs to stop between projects.

The automated welding system is the most accurate in the industry, and can handle “problem” metals such as aluminium, nickel, and magnesium as easily as copper and low carbon steel. (Is there some sort of test with numbers that we can use here or is this statement an opinion? -KY) The RMII precision solderer can quickly join wires as small as .02 millimeters, and repair any broken or burned out connection without any carbon build-up. The RMII is the first truly self-sustaining automated maintenance and repair system available on the market. Turn it on, and you’ll never want to turn it off! (This sounds like a bad pick up line -RB)