STORYLINE

Researchers Working On Method to “Clone” Your Favorite Meal

meat3.jpg

Most people have a favorite meal or a food they crave. Surveys have shown that the average diner chooses one of four regular options 90% of the time they go out to eat. While the number of our favorites may be small, their tastes can vary widely depending on many things such as: method of cooking, initial seasoning, and quality of product. The truth is not every T-bone tastes the same; but what if there were a way to save parts of a perfectly prepared meal, and have it duplicated exactly to your liking? According to biologist and food science researcher Thomas Mencken, that tasty dream may soon be a reality.

Son-in-law to Lahaina meat mogul Bob Abramo, Thomas says that he has always had a passion for pushing the boundaries of food science. “You don’t marry Bob Abramo’s daughter without having a serious love of all things grilled or broiled,” he says. In fact, it was his wedding cake that inspired his latest research.

“Like many couples we put part of our cake in the freezer after our wedding. We were so excited to share another wonderful bite together on our one year anniversary, that we could hardly wait for it to thaw. I remember the look in Brandi’s eyes when I fed her the first piece. That twinkle went flat, and the smile left her face as she struggled to chew. Then I took a bite. It was like chewing on a sponge. All the moisture was gone and the frosting was disgusting. Our memento of that day had turned into a crumbling nightmare. It was then that I knew we had to find a way to reproduce those special foods, and make them taste exactly the way we remembered them.”

With the help of his Vereserum partners that is what Thomas is doing. The researchers have devised a method to drape a stem cell matrix over organic latticing, to rapidly “grow” clones of food samples. The idea is that people would be able to save representative parts of a good meal, and have that meal reproduced exactly whenever they wish. Although the process is currently very expensive and it takes a few hours to grow a 10 oz. ribeye, Abramo Holdings spokesperson Brandi Essen says she is confident that customers will be able to eat cloned meals in her father’s chop house in the near future.

“While it’s true that these cloned meals taste like a million dollars, we’re trying to slightly lower their million dollar price tag. Our research is really cooking though, and I’m sure we’ll have figured out a way to make these meals faster soon, even if it may be awhile before they’re on the specials menu. Food holds a unique place in all of our hearts. There’s no denying that the smell of freshly baked bread, or bacon frying in a pan holds good memories for many of us. Pictures and videos may give you a glimpse of the past, but nothing satisfies your nostalgic cravings like a meal prepared just like your grandmother would make it. That’s what this work is about. Making the meals of your lifetime over and over again.

Whether it’s: facial recognition ordering, feeding Lahaina’s homebound, or providing free-range, 100% organic heart valves to patients, Abramo Holdings is always pushing the boundaries of food science. With the help of our Vereserum partners I’m sure that we’ll be able to offer these special memories on a plate very soon.”

Famed botanist and Vereserum’s Head of research Dr. Adler Walters admits that he was initially skeptical about the prospect of cloning meals for high-end clients, but is now excited about the possibilities the technology holds. “We’re basically making Nuuskin booths for meals,” he says.

“I’ve devoted most of my life to solving the global food crisis. Be it plants resistant to virtually all fungal and phytoplasmal infections, like the King Coconut or creating a comprehensive growable food source like the Kukenroot, my work has been focused on helping those most in need. You can imagine my surprise when I was told that the company wanted me to spend my precious time on cloning steaks for Lahaina’s rich and famous. It’s safe to say that my initial reaction was not a positive one. However, once Thomas explained his vision to me, and I saw the size of the check Abramo Holdings had donated to the research, I began to see its potential. I am confident that in the near future we will be able to produce life sustaining meals in the lab for food vulnerable populations, and maybe even recreate someone’s favorite fancy diner.”

STORYLINE

Meat Scented Cloths Promise To Help Hawaiians Wipe Out the Flu

medicines95.jpg

It’s flu season once again and all across the island Hawaiians are breaking out the hand sanitizer, ultraviolet lights, and even traditional methods to avoid getting sick. However, the days of loading up on vitamins and pineapple juice to stave off the flu may be over thanks to a new type of meat scented disinfectant wipe. The brainchild of Lahaina’s own Bob Abramo, Carnicloths promise to wipe out the flu and “fortify the air with the healing scent of your favorite protein.”

According to government statistics, the flu causes an estimated $26.5 billion in lost earnings every year with employees missing 163 million workdays annually. With the advent of veil technology and the free flow of global travelers, flu season has been a growing concern for municipalities and employers. “It’s a real concern for a lot of businesses, and until now options have really been limited,” says biologist and doctor of food science Thomas Mencken. Flu shots can be useful but are only about 60% effective and traditional sanitizers can be messy and unpleasant smelling according to Mencken.

“We basically reinvented the way you keep your home and office clean. Abramo Holdings has already pushed the boundaries of food science with our Manimal infused meats, made the roads safer with our all-natural tire technology, and offered thousands the highest quality medical tissues available. Now, we’re changing the cleaning game with Carnicloths. Available in 4 mouth-watering and bug-killing scents, Carnicloths kill 99.99% of bacteria and leave an antiviral layer on surfaces. They’re 100% natural, safe to use on most materials, and the future of disinfecting wipes. Clean has never smelled so good.”

While most medical professionals say washing your hands and keeping work surfaces clean are great preventative measures if you’re trying to avoid the flu, they are more dubious about the health benefits of a sanitizer that smells like steak. Nonetheless, Bob Abramo stands behind the efficacy of Carnicloths saying “they treat the mind, body, and belly.”

“Think of them as aromatherapy for those of us who have to work and don’t have time or the stomach for a crystal cleanse. There’s no doubt that your sense of smell is one of the most underrated senses. We know that scent is heavily tied to memory and familiar scents can lower blood pressure, release endorphins, and improve overall bodily functions, just the sort of thing you’d want when fighting off a disease.

Carnicloths take a double-fisted approach to fighting the flu. It fights off the virus with natural ingredients and fills the air with the smell of your favorite Chop House entree. Ancho-Aloha Pork provides a sweet and spicy barrier to bacteria, Koa-Rubbed Ribeye gives the flu a punch in the mouth, the Lahaina Lamb Shank is a decadent disaster for germs, and the original Prime Rib scent is perfect for cleaning communal areas.

We’ve been using the wipes at the restaurant for a couple of years now and have reduced sick days by 40%. I have no doubt that once people see how effective they are and how great they smell they’ll become believers too. Give Carnicloths a try and I guarantee that you’ll feel as good as they smell.”

One group that is already singing the praises of Carnicloths are hunters. The wipes have quickly gained a cult-like following in those using them as bait. Ted Ronner says he’s used them to hunt brown bear in Kamchatka and leopards in Sudan but hopes to use them in Maui to bring down a more dangerous target, the Shrig. The mythical shrimp-pig hybrids supposedly escaped from a SSHAM research facility in the depths of the West Maui jungle are considered a joke to most, but Ronner says he has proof.

“I didn’t believe in the stories either until one came charging a little too close to home. My uncle has a place in Lahaina and after our annual family reunion he drove home but something terrible happened along the way. His memory is a little foggy because the Ronners love mixing up Lahaina Sunrises almost as much as we love family, but he distinctly remembers seeing something charge out of the underbrush as he pulled into his yard. Whatever it was hit his wheel so hard that it broke the axle and he went down into the gully. All he remembers is seeing tusks, feelers, and the sky as the truck rolled over. He didn’t dare get out until morning. The neighbors say he was drunk and hit the stump at the end of his driveway but after looking at the rips in the sheet metal we’re both sure it was a shrig. According to what I’ve found on the internet sightings have been way up this year and Veilcorp is trying to herd them to collect the venom for use in experiments. I’m not sure about all that, what I am sure about is that if it eats meat the Carnicloths will get its attention.”

STORYLINE

Wedding Annoucements: Brandi Essen and Thomas Mencken

rose.jpg

Brandi Essen and Thomas J. Mencken were married on Friday, Jan. 8, 2049 at the beautiful Lahaina Mission. Following the wedding, Brandi and Thomas’ reception at Robert Abramo’s Chophouse on Aloha Shores was attended by more than 300 friends, family, and customers. Specially raised suckling piglets were served at each table to help celebrate the island’s most highly anticipated nuptials.

Brandi is the daughter of Robert Abramo and Susan Essen-Abramo of Lahaina.

Brandi was accompanied by her sisters and maids of honor, Olive and Brie Essen. Rosemary “Gravy” Abramo, who is 94 years young and Brandi’s paternal grandmother, was the honorary matron of honor. During the ceremony “Gravy” gave a speech recounting Brandi’s early interest in encased meats, telling those assembled of Brandi’s love of a toy hotdog named “Frank”. She told the giggling crowd that, “She loved that thing so much that we joked she’d get married with Frank in her pocket. I’m happy to say that I was wrong, and a little ashamed to admit that I checked just in case.”

The bridesmaids were Saffron Todd and Clementine Bergeron.

Thomas is the son of Douglas and Becky Mencken of Baltimore. He was accompanied by his two brothers and best men, Finn and Jim Mencken.

The groomsmen were his childhood best friends Sam Leco, Sidney Hammond and Mark Leco.
During the wedding, Nori Cavanagh, Brandi’s aunt, and Polly Philbin, Thomas’s older sister, recited prayers and sang. Madeleine McCutchan, Brandi’s godmother, and Joe Mencken, Thomas’s godfather, presented the couple with a rare Iberian “Manchado de Jabugo” ham. Amy Philbin and Mr. Sprinkles, Thomas’s niece and Brandi’s pet pot-bellied pig, were the flower girl and ring bearer.

Brandi is a graduate of Lahaina High School, Class of 2029, and attended the Culinary Institute of America. She holds a masters carving license from the Abramo Butchery Academy and is the operations manager for Abramo Holdings LLC.

Thomas graduated from Baltimore Polytechnic, Class of 2005, and studied evolutionary biology at Johns Hopkins University. He is an associate professor of regulatory food sciences at the University of Maryland, currently on extended sabbatical.

Brandi and Thomas share a lot in common other than their love of industrial-sized freezers. They officially started dating after meeting more than three years ago at the grand opening of Lahaina’s Big Bites store. Thomas plans on moving to Lahaina within the year. Brandi plans on taking some time off to write a book on various knife sharpening techniques.

The bride’s specially made purple allium and crackling bouquet was caught and quickly consumed by her grandmother Gravy. In lieu of flowers, the Chophouse was decorated with a variety of edible arrangements and meat platters. They were enjoyed by guests and customers throughout the event.

The groom’s best men and family chose not to deliver a speech during the reception, instead Brandi’s stepfather Bob Abramo spoke for both families. He told those assembled that he never imagined meeting someone who shared his passion for meat, so he “decided to raise one.” He thanked all the guests and provided everyone attending a year-long pass to the Lahaina Zipline Tours. Raising a toast to the new couples happiness, Bob warned Thomas in jest that he had, “A special meat grinder in the back of the kitchen for men who break my little girl’s heart.”

Brandi and Thomas currently reside in Lahaina with their pig, Mr. Sprinkles. They both love traveling and plan on enjoying their honeymoon, sampling buffets from around the world.

STORYLINE

New App Helps Farmers Find Love For Their Livestock

rose.jpg

It seems that there is no shortage of dating apps on the market these days. No matter how small the community, or niche the activity you are interested in, there is an app to pair you with like-minded individuals. However, up until now there hasn’t been an app to find that perfect match for livestock, but that is about to change. The creation of biologist Thomas Mencken, Swineswipe allows farmers, ranchers, and breeders to swipe right on animals that catch their eye.

Three years in the making, Swineswipe allows farmers to search for livestock that perfectly match their needs. Users can search through a number of species and breeds, and see how far away potential matches are. Valuable information about every animal is available on each profile including things like: age, weight, breeding potential, milk production (when applicable), hock length, body composition, temperament, eye color, favorite foods, and preferred activities.

While some may think a “dating” app for livestock is strange, Mencken says that Swineswipe will revolutionize the industry and be a valuable tool in animal husbandry. “When I was first approached with the idea I was skeptical, but after talking with Mr. Abramo and hearing his vision all doubts were cleared away, and I wanted a seat at the table.”

“Swineswipe allows breeders a chance to find that perfect match for their animals with a flick of the finger. Each profile contains everything you need to know, and probably a bunch of data that never occurred to you to ask. Many of our clients actually show profile pictures to their livestock to gauge their response, and increase the likelihood of compatibility. Despite the common misconception, farming has always been very technologically driven. We are offering the most comprehensive animal matching service available on the market. If you need lambs to lead to the slaughter, you need Swineswipe. You owe it to your animals and business.”

The response amongst those raising animals has been overwhelmingly positive, with many heritage breeders singing the praises of Swineswipe. However, not everyone is thrilled with the new app. Sebastian Malu, Barraloha instructor at the Kokua Wellness Center and outspoken animal rights activist says the new app is an “abomination” to the sanctity of animal life.

He says, “I’m not surprised that Bob Abramo has bank-rolled this latest weapon in the war against animals. It’s simply not enough for him to deprive these feeling creatures of their autonomy, and feed them until they are obese so their melting fat tastes better on his rapacious tongue. Now, he wants to provide them with a perfect partner? Why? Does providing a brief island of relief in a sea of pain really taste that good to him and Mr. Mencken? Despite his titles and degrees, it is clear that Thomas is nothing but a soulless butcher. He should make a perfect addition to the bloodthirsty dregs that Mr. Abramo surrounds himself with.”

Bob Abramo says he’s not surprised by the negative reaction from some saying, “The green juice crowd always whines a bit, but the good thing is they are so weak and sick all the time, it doesn’t last too long.” He does admit that one thing has come as a shock however, the demand for his stock amongst organic farmers.

“I always knew that we had the best heritage hogs on the island, but I was blown away by how many right swipes my sows have gotten. One thing’s for sure, there’s no need to put lipstick on these pigs. I know better than most how hungry Maui is, but until Thomas finished Swineswipe, I had no idea how thirsty it was too. I couldn’t be more proud of what we’ve cooked up. The Chop House changed the way steaks are broiled forever, and now we’re pushing the boundaries of animal husbandry. We’re expanding the menu at Abramo Holdings and I couldn’t be more proud. Swineswipe is one of the most mouth watering projects I’ve ever been a part of. Happy pigs are tasty pigs and I guarantee you can really taste the love in every bite.”