STORYLINE

The “Tappers” and what to do if you meet them

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Lots of groups had a hand in rebuilding Lahaina and turning parts of it into the paradise it is today after the Veils fractured. Not many of those groups survived. The “Tappers” not only survived the accident and the years of chaos immediately after, but they are still going strong. Woe be to anyone with bad intentions on the island when a fog springs out of nowhere and their tapping begins.

The Tappers were formed from an unlikely alliance of highschool kids on the big day itself. Legend says that it was a clerical error that brought them together. Even though the two events weren’t expected to bring in large crowds, the scheduling of the regional science fair on the same day as the all-island tap and dance competition was a mistake. We can all be thankful that sometimes mistakes happen.

Rachel Driscol was easily the smartest student in Lahaina, maybe in all of Hawaii. Driscol’s passion was acoustics. Her successful projects won her many awards and assured her acceptance to the college of her choice. Her mistakes were painful for anyone in earshot. Luckily for Rachel and her neighbors, she rarely made mistakes. Everyone knew that she’d get a PhD in 5 years and get a job in one of Veilcorp’s advanced divisions like her mom. She had brought her greatest invention yet to the fair that day, a wearable echolocation system.

Kaholo Mae on the other hand hated school. He maintained grades just good enough to keep him eligible for his true passion, the school’s dance troupe. Anyone who had the pleasure of watching Kaholo take a rhythm or beat inside of himself and express it perfectly through his movement and grace was lucky indeed. He loved tap above all else. His Bandy Twist was amazing. His Chug, divine. Everyone, including Mae, knew that he was not long for the island. He would soon be showing off his skills on the mainland. Winning this competition was just the next step in what was going to be a fabulous career on stage. Fate can be cruel but it can also be kind. Many of the kids there that day owed their survival to the fact that the pair were in the same hallway together when the accident happened.

Rachel didn’t know how bad it was going to be, but she knew immediately that the rumblings were not good. Something about the way the air became charged let her know that something terrible was about to happen. She told Kaholo and he sprang into action. Most of the students made it into the locker room when the explosions began. Nobody knows for sure what saved those huddled kids that day, but soon they weren’t just surviving, they were thriving.

The intelligence of the science fair kids was the perfect compliment to the physical endurance of the dance students. Rachel’s ingenuity and practicality the perfect pairing to Kaholo’s charisma and motivational skills. That’s not to say that luck didn’t play a part of course. It turned out that some of the chemicals used in the making of the dance kids’ outfits had amazing antimicrobial properties. Between those that didn’t make it and trunks of extra costumes for changes, there was enough clothing for everyone. The students didn’t suffer through the diseases that afflicted many during those first few years.

Despite all odds, the kids started to become a force on the island. It turned out that the survival skills you learn as a high school outcast were just as useful in some ways as those you’d learn in the military. Over the next 10 years the teenagers did what teenagers have done throughout history and soon their numbers swelled. In 20 years everyone started calling them the Tappers. The Night Walkers and anyone who threatened the group, or tried to take their gear, learned to fear them.

They are a secretive group who usually leave others alone. They rarely trade and you have to be born a Tapper, they don’t take new members from the outside. If you find yourself in Tapper territory you are safe as long you don’t take anything and you leave in a reasonably quick manner. The last place you want to be, is inside a building or in the forest with a pack full of Tapper food when their artificial fog rolls in. They have created a number of unique items and tactics over the years that you can use to identify them besides their sparkling clothing.

One of the most frequently used pieces of Tapper equipment is the [REDACTED] are all but impossible to find. These are one of the few items that they trade freely with others, although they appear to have an advanced [REDACTED] that they keep for themselves. They will often leave a food item out with one of these for a Night Marcher patrol. A few days later a group of Tappers with [REDACTED] clear the menace out and retrieve their Judas food.

The most common thing associated with the group, and the tactic for which they are named, is their specialized acoustic visualization system. Although they have never been recovered, it is theorized that the system is a smaller, more advanced version of Rachel’s science fair project. By tapping the ground with their shoes or nearby objects with a cane, a Tapper can “see” in complete darkness out to 60 feet. This ability works in thick fog or mist as well, and it is common for at least a couple Tappers in a group to carry some sort of fog making device. These machines can fill any space with a cloud of confusion in a few seconds. This ability to operate freely while others are blind make the Tappers feared adversaries. In some areas you can actually scare away a pack of bandits by just lightly knocking on a tree.

Deadly opponents and useful allies if left alone, the Tappers are one of the most important groups on the island. It’s best to mind your manners and take a “live and let live” attitude if you find yourself in Tapper territory.

STORYLINE

Pana and the Lahaina Armory

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The Kanaka believe that everyone is given the same two things when they are born. The world gives you a purpose and your ancestors give you a special skill. As you work your way through life, it is your job to discover your purpose and to cultivate your skill. It is not easy. In fact, it is one of the hardest parts of life. Often your purpose and your skill don’t have anything to do with one another. Many lose their way while trying to find their purpose. Some never get a chance to practice their skill before it is time to rejoin their ancestors, leading to much anger and discontent. However, A rare few seem to have a special insight and know from an early age what their life should look like and what they should do. Auntie Pana is one such person. Her purpose in life is to provide those around her with the tools necessary to protect themselves and the ones they love, and her skill is gunsmithing.

Before the fracture the building we all know now as The Armory was a museum. There people could look at ancient artifacts and learn not just the history of the islands but of other places and cultures as well. It is where Pana’s parents met, worked, and fell in love. It was also their sanctuary after the accident. The Armory’s strong walls and roof allowed it to survive the chaos while other structures were laid to waste. Being a museum, it was not at the top of the list for looting, so Pana’s parents didn’t have to worry about bandits or desperate survivors. There probably isn’t a perfect place to try and ride out the end of a civilization, but her mother thought this was as close as they were going to get. Her parents gathered all their surviving extended family and tried to make new lives for themselves.

Pana was different from other children, her sister Oki included. While her sister delighted in picking flowers to decorate the halls, and hearing tales of great battles and heroes, before going to the beach to look for shark teeth, Pana was more reserved. She would spend her days inside learning how things worked and building herself toys from broken or discarded gear. Above all, she loved her grandfather’s old revolver and was never found without it. Her father worried that such an item was inappropriate or dangerous for someone so young, but her mother reassured him that it hadn’t worked since she herself was a little girl and they didn’t have any bullets. Since it seemed to give her so much comfort they agreed to let her have it. While most girls her age had a favorite blanket or doll to help them go to sleep, Pana tucked the revolver beneath her pillow every night before drifting off. It was one such night that Pana’s skill first revealed itself.

Her father was awoken by a noise coming from outside. A team of deadly forest boars were rooting and tearing through the family garden. Her father ran to awaken the rest of the family to try and drive the beasts off and save their food. Just as he was gathering the spears they would need he heard a gunshot. Fearing that bandits were attacking he began to barricade the front door when he noticed little Pana slip through a window. In her hand she held her grandfather’s smoking revolver, “I topped da boes fum eating our food daddy,” she proudly proclaimed.

The adults cautiously went to the garden only to find a large boar with one clean hole directly in the shoulder; the perfect place to drop the creature. At barely 4, Pana had not only fixed the gun but had made a handful of cartridges. At her father’s urging, Pana showed him the tools she had made including a reloading press constructed from a bike pump and an old waffle iron. Amazed at her ingenuity and talent, the family began to indulge the girl’s desire to learn and innovate. Not to be outdone by her sister, Oki proved to be remarkable in her own right, becoming a master of the more traditional arms of the islands.

While her sister’s creations are full of flourish and intricate designs, Auntie Pana has become a master of no frills precision and dependable mechanics. In contrast to the well kept and immaculately decorated rooms of The Armory run by her sister, Pana’s workshop in a hodgepodge of tools, partially completed projects, and “items of promise”. Oki often quips that her sister is “a ballistic goddess, not a domestic one.” But her abilities and skill are no joke. Her tree cannons are well known on the island and feared by bandits and creatures of the fracture alike. Her internalized cocking mechanisms are ingenious. Her automatic ejector systems are divine. Pana learned her purpose at a very young age and has been honing her skills for over 50 years now. There is no better place to buy a weapon on the island than The Armory, and there is no better gunsmith than Auntie Pana.

STORYLINE

The Legend of Lindy the Dancing Bear

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We Kanaka are natural storytellers. We teach our children about the island, our beliefs, and our history through our tales. While these stories cover many topics, the most common theme is respect for the land, and all the creatures that fly, swim, or walk upon it. It is this reverence for the Earth that has protected us from dabbling in the same kinds of endeavors that led to the great fracture. Our people learn from an early age that everything in nature has its place, and role to play. We have many stories that teach this lesson, but one of the most popular among the children is the legend of Lindy the Dancing Bear.

Lindy was a cub living in the Lahaina Zoo on the day of the fracture. While many animals suffered the same fate as people, those that survived found a better life than they had before. Without people driving their cars, polluting the air and water, or confining them with concrete, steel, and rope, the animals thrived. Many zoo animals experienced freedom, and the feel of soil beneath their feet for the first time in their lives, and they rejoiced. However, some people survived and brought with them their unnatural beliefs. Little Lindy never got a chance to revel in her freedom as the other zoo animals did because she was captured by the Tappers.

Tapper caves and dark buildings are not the places a young bear cub should grow up, but it was all Lindy knew. Worse still, something happened to the tiny bear during her Tapper training. Nobody knows if it was something the deranged dancers did or something caused by the fracture, but Lindy changed. She became smarter, more aware of her situation, making her more angry and more dangerous. The Tappers jumped for joy.

They fed her their enemies, the unrhythmic, and the plain. The dyed her hair audacious colors. They dressed her in sequenced outfits, poofy skirts, and frilly lace ruffs. They taught her their most deadly dances: the can-can, the hully gully, the shuffle, the mashed potato, the foxtrot, and worst of all, they taught her how to pogo through the innocent. They forced their fearful and fantastic beliefs on the growing bear, and Lindy was a fast learner.

Soon they started to bring the bear with them on their raids. Tapper attacks are terrifying and terrific enough on their own, but with the addition of a trained bear, they were unstoppable. Stories of Lindy charging into an unsuspecting village, balancing on her ball and mauling anyone too slow to get out of her way spread quickly. If that wasn’t bad enough, they continued to teach Lindy new terrible tricks, and worked on her battle choreography. One week she was doing handstands across the bodies of the fallen, and the next she was jumping a bloody rope through a Thriver outpost. Nobody was left out of the dancing bear’s reign of terror.

Unable to fight off the attacks by themselves, the Kanaka and the Thrivers arranged a meeting to figure out what to do. The Thrivers were worried that the Tappers would enlist other animals into their troupe, and teach Lindy more complex tricks. “What could we do against a herd of perniciously prancing ponies? What if they teach the bear to drive an ATV, or ride a motorcycle? We must focus on the Tappers themselves and not the bear during the next attack,” they said. The Kanaka disagreed. They had fought the Tappers many times before and survived. It was the bear that was the key. The fear it caused was contagious in battle, and they believed getting rid of Lindy was the key to victory. It was then that one elder Kanaka came up with a plan.

Although his village was destroyed, Paulele and a handful of others had survived a recent attack, and he believed he saw something in Lindy’s eyes, sorrow. He told everyone assembled that he could subdue the bear himself if they followed one simple rule, ignore Lindy. He would do the rest.

It wasn’t hard to figure out what village would be attacked next because the Tappers had been dancing a straight line across the island. Nonetheless, when Lindy came cha-chaing out of the forest, flanked by the frolicking fighters, it was almost more than the defenders could take. After a brief moment of hesitation, they remembered the plan, and ignored the bear as it shuffled into the heart of the village. While everyone fought to keep the Tappers out, a bewildered Lindy found herself face-to-face with the elderly Paulele.

Lindy roared and began a simple box step, but Paulele didn’t respond. She stood on her hind legs and spun around, yet the man remained unmoved. She did a somersault that ended just inches from the old Kanaka man’s face, but he didn’t flinch. Instead, he reached out very calmly, unfastened the sparkling collar from her neck, and let it drop to the ground. The elder told Lindy that she should be free to roam the forest without having to wear costumes. He told her that she should be tearing apart logs, and looking for fish in the stream. She should be living as a bear, and not dancing for the Tappers. He offered her something she had never known her entire life, freedom.

Lindy could feel the truth in Paulele’s words and ran into the forest. The battle ended soon after. Lindy lived the rest of her life as a bear should, at peace in the wilds. She never wore another poofy skirt, or balanced on another ball. Some say she could still be seen dancing in the forest when the moon was full, but when she danced it was out of joy, and not hate.

STORYLINE

How The Mission Became a Sanctuary for All After the Fracture

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There are a number of buildings that survived the great accident. The comm tower, the veil station, and the power plant all offer those who survived a reminder of how the world once was. None of them are held as dear as The Mission, however. Once a place of quiet contemplation, The Mission was vital in the battles that drove most of the horrors out of this part of the island. In the years since the fracture, it has served as a sanctuary for those in need, a place of healing, and a symbol of what can be accomplished when we work together.

Known as Maluhia or The Place of Peace to the Kānaka, The Mission offered seekers of serenity and knowledge a refuge before the Fracture. It was only natural that survivors sought shelter and safety there. For many years Maluhia served as a place of healing for the people. There the greatest Kānaka herbalists and healers practiced their craft. Whether it be a fever, a broken bone, or something more serious, you could find relief at The Mission. Countless lives were saved there, and not just those of the Kānaka.

The Place of Peace was open to all who needed help and served as an embassy of sorts. When one of the many veil storms threw the great cruise ship against the rocks, the survivors sought refuge there. They traded books, their knowledge, and their stories for food and shelter. Eventually, they formed a school and taught many of our children the power of words and ideas. A group of them reside there still today. While we all seek peace, it is sometimes hard to secure and the island was becoming more dangerous.

The horrors born from the explosion were gaining strength and growing quickly. Night Marchers and Trophy Hunters prowled the trails, the Menehune scurried through the rubble, and the Green Ladies haunted the forests, hungry for blood. The people feared leaving the safety of the village, and they were losing hope. It was then that the great chief Ikaika began to gather the people to fight back. He gathered a great number of Kānaka warriors to battle against the creatures. He formed an alliance with the Thrivers on the hill and the people to the North. Together, the army of Ikaika cleared much of the island and made its way to Black Rock Beach.

The fighting there was terrible and lasted for days. Hundreds lost their lives, and so many were injured that The Mission was overflowing. It was then that Ikaika decided to turn away all who were not Kānaka. Many Kānaka survived that day because of that decision, but as the people were treated, we watched the bodies of our allies pile up outside. Eventually, the Thriver’s commander Colonel Kaua arrived and demanded we treat his people. With his elite band of Koa behind him, Ikaka thanked the Colonel for his bravery but said there were too many injured Kānaka to worry about the lives of Thrivers. He told Kaua to take his wounded and go in peace. The Thrivers were angry.

While most of the monsters had been eradicated, tensions between the people and the other groups on the island grew. The Thrivers refused to trade. Soon there was no ammunition, and when machines broke there were no replacement parts. The people of the North would no longer exchange food for medicines and nets. It wasn’t long before the first skirmish broke out and a scout returned to the Mission with a Thriver bullet in his shoulder. Ikaika may have cleansed the island of the evil the Fracture had spawned but he had made new enemies. The Kānaka could now walk the roads without worrying about Night Marchers, but we walked them alone.

The people began to worry. We had beat back the hordes only with the help of those we had turned our backs on. If the creatures grew in strength again would we be able to fight them off alone? The future seemed uncertain and dangerous, but Ikaika was given a second chance.

The colonel arrived at the mission one day flanked with a large group of Thriver soldiers. At first, the people thought they had come to attack and Kānaka warriors filled the courtyard with spear and koa axe in hand. It was then that the people saw the colonel was holding his son in his arms. The boy had been attacked by Trophy Collectors while on a scouting run and his blood was now tainted with their disease. They had tried for days to cleanse him of the poison but he continued to get worse.

Ikaka listened to Kaua’s story and stopped him before he could finish his plea. He said, “Of course we will do what we can for someone as brave as your son. Sometimes the hardest battle for warriors such as us is learning to live in peace. I made an enemy when I didn’t need to. I beg that you forgive me for my decision to turn you away. From this day forward The Mission will be open to all who need sanctuary or healing. This will be a place of peace for us all.”

And so it has been since that day. Kaua’s son was saved and teaches those interested in learning the way of the warrior near Pu’u. The descendants of the cruise ship survivors have come back and all are now welcome as the great chief promised. I spend my days telling our stories and teaching the lessons of our history, ensuring that we never forget the power of peace and cooperation.

Bruddah Lee
Kanaka Historian

STORYLINE

The Lahaina Lava Sledding Championships

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The Lahaina Merchants Association would like to invite you to the most exciting sporting event on the island, the 46th annual Lahaina Lava Sled Championships. Teams from all over the island compete each year to claim the Ikaika cup, but this year is special. Two local teams will be vying for glory and bragging rights. In two short weeks the Pu’u Blue Wolves will take on the Ka’anapali Screaming Nenes to see who is the fastest downhill.

As you all know lava sledding, or as the Kānaka say He’e hōlua, is an ancient sport well over 1,000 years old. The activity was seen as both a sport and a religious rite by early Hawaiians. With courses ranging greatly in size from a few hundred yards to miles, the practice was as popular as surfing when it was begun. Over the years it’s popularity grew and waned with cultural changes. A resurgence began in the early 2000’s and like most things, the activity was almost lost after the fracture.

Little has changed with the sport since its inception. Participants build a sled, or papa hōlua, and ride it down a prepared track. Traditionally, these sleds were 12’ long, 6 inches wide and made of wood. Riders would hold the sleds in front of them and run towards a specially prepared racing path. The tracks were composed of a foundation of gravel covered in sand or dirt with a top layer of grass or flowers. Racers would throw down the sleds at the beginning of the course, and ride them standing, crouching, or more commonly laying down, all the way to the bottom.

The modern unified rules allow sleds to be made of any material, although wood remains a popular choice. Sleds can be a bit longer as well, 14’ is now the maximum length, although a 6 inch width is still mandatory. The tracks and riding styles have remained the same through the years. Traditionally the length of a sledder’s run was measured to determine a winner, but since it’s been converted to a team sport, runs are timed. The team with the cumulative fastest 10 runs wins the day.

Like many things, we have Chief Ikaika to thank for the resurgence in popularity of the sport. After his successful campaign at Black Rock Beach, Ikaika used the traditional sport to keep ties strong between factions on the island. We think he’d be especially proud this year, as a classic match-up between power and finesse is sure to make for a memorable day.

The Pu’u Blue Wolves are back with a vengeance this year, hungry to once again display the Ikaika cup. Like their four-legged namesakes, the Blue Wolves rely on consistent speed and maneuverability to take out their opponents. Their fiberglass sled, and crouching riding style let them take curves at top speed and glide over any dips or irregularities in the course. The Blue Wolves are hungry, but the Nenes from Ka’anapali say their bark is worse than their bite.

The Screaming Nenes came out of nowhere this year to crush the competition. Highlighted by their thrashing of perennial favorites, the Luakoi Ridge Riders, the Nene’s have changed many minds about about what it takes to be a successful lava sled team. Focusing on traditional methods and materials, Ka’anapali has claimed many records and titles with their amazing run this season. They’ve managed to break the 100 km/h barrier a handful of times on their wooden sled this year. Retired sledding legend Rocky “Downhill” Hookeai says that the Nene riders are the quickest he’s ever seen adding, “They’re faster than a night marcher who stumbled into a Tapper camp.”

The Lahaina Championships are always an incredible event, but it is undeniable that this year may be one of the most exciting ever! Will raw power and speed beat finesse and skillful riding? Find out for yourself by being part of the story instead of just hearing about it the next day. A limited number of track-side seats are still available for 50 rai a piece, general admission tickets are 20. When your friends ask where you were on the day the greatest sporting event in history was held, tell them “I was 20’ away!”

STORYLINE

Mele Kalikimaka From the Tappers

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Congratulations, you are cordially and secretly invited to the 11th annual Tappers Day Before Christmas Spectapluar!

If you’re reading this note you already know how serious we take this event and that you have no choice but to attend. No, really, to be perfectly clear, you have no choice. We are watching everything. There is no place you could hide from us.

We take Christmas very seriously and this year’s show is bigger and better than any we’ve done before. We’ve spared no expense to bring you the best entertainment the islands have to offer. There’s never been a better time to be on our “Nice” list.

Simply eat one of the cookies enclosed approximately 1 hour before sundown and place the 30 rai entry fee in your pocket. Our teams of secret Santas will do the rest. When you awake, you’ll find yourself in our private party grotto. Enjoy our complimentary drinks and snacks while you shake out the cobwebs and discover who we’ve chosen as guests.

Enjoy mingling with other attendees or feel free to wander around once you’re feeling alert. We have plenty to see before the show begins. Pet one of our mutant axis deer, watch as our captive Green Lady steals the Christmas spirit from those who ignored our invitations and consumes them, or marvel at the wonder of our giant Christmas Koa tree. Adorned with over 4,000 lights and ornaments our near 100’ tall koa is quite something to behold. And that’s just the beginning. Our featured events include:

The Tony Kahale Memorial Nog Drinking Contest
Pay homage to bruddah half-barrel by gulping down as much of our delicious homemade nog as you can in 10 minutes. In addition to bragging rights and an upset stomach, the winner gets free entry into next years event.

The Valley Isle Laser Light Dancers
Before the cookies wear completely off and while your belly is full of nog, have a seat and watch our most talented dancers trip the laser light fantastic. Learn the history of the island with the help of our dancers and our amazing light show.

The Tapper Children’s Troupe
Your heart will melt as our young ones regale you with the Christmas story and sing a collection of holiday favorites. (The children’s program is now 15 minutes shorter for your consideration. Warning: applause is mandatory.)

Roman’s Ukulele Choir
All the way from Molokai, Roman and his ukulele choir have returned this year to enthrall and entertain. Handel has never sounded better!

The Tappettes

We’ll close the show as usual with the help of our limber ladies kicking up the cheer with their famous Christmas chorus line. You’ll be amazed by both their precision and your seemingly instantaneous return to your homes at the end of the show.

It’s our biggest and best show ever! Remember, we know when you are sleeping. We know where you are when you’re awake. We just want to celebrate the holiday with you, so accept our invitation for your family’s sake!

STORYLINE

Lahaina Merchant Association’s auction to feature rare ukulele and other relics

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For over 50 years the Lahaina Merchants Association’s weekly auctions have given islanders a place to buy food, water, and the rest of life’s necessities at a reasonable price. Many of you rely on our auctions to provide a safe and easy place to restock your stores and talk with your neighbors. We couldn’t be more thankful for your patronage. But every now and then something beyond the essentials passes our way that sparks a little excitement. Whether you’re a collector, history enthusiast, or just interested in something unique, we are pleased to offer you a little piece of the past.

A group of Kānaka warriors recently went on an excursion to clear the lava fields, when they stumbled upon an underground Veilcorp storage facility, full of mutants and rare items. While they kept many of the treasures they liberated from the creature’s claws, we managed to get our hands on some of the most intriguing items. We couldn’t be more thrilled to include them in this weekend’s auction.

As usual, the event will be held at the Merchants Association House, and bidding begins Saturday at 8:00 am. A light breakfast and hors d’oeuvres will be served and refreshing Whalanimal will be provided to wash it all down. An event as special as this needs a special officiant, so President Alan Kalepa himself will serve as your guest auctioneer. Here are the items that everyone will be talking about for the next few days.

An oscillating automated barbel. Long known to be the pinnacle of personal exercise technology, this oscillating barbel will tone and tighten you in no time. The magenta and cream color pattern is still quite bright with limited fading and chipping. Don’t let the unit’s modest 2.5 pound weight fool you, when this thing starts shaking you are in for quite a workout. Perfect for getting those hard corded arms you’ve always wanted to show off at the beach, or beat off an attack. Imagine the luxury of getting stronger from the safety of your home with little effort. The barbels are fully charged and come with a slightly damaged recharging cord.

An unmatched set of rubber clogs. Made sometime in the early 2000’s. You’ll feel like you’re walking on the clouds in these shoes. The bright yellow left and camouflage patterned right shoe may not be much to look at by modern standards, but they are a living testament to the durability of manufacturing before the fracture. The clogs still have a decent amount of tread and the multiple hole pattern allows your feet to breathe, keeping them dry in the wettest conditions. Made from antimicrobial rubber outlawed in 2035 due to its neonatal-cortical effects, they are completely mold and bacteria-free. At size 11, these shoes will fit most adults. Don’t miss your chance to walk a mile in the shoes of our ancestors.

Finally we come to the centerpiece of this week’s auction, a beautiful pineapple ukulele. Made from koa wood, this fine instrument was born right here on the islands by some of the greatest craftsmen the world has ever known. Our archivists have dated its construction to between 1928-1933, right in the middle of the golden age of pineapple ukuleles. We have restrung this 180-year-old piece of art with titanium strings to offer a bright tone, while at the same time providing more projection and volume. This treasure will be a stunning conversation piece, sure to be the envy of your friends; or for those of you so inclined, a wonderful way to explore music with an instrument with deep Hawaiian roots. Instruments this old and in this quality do not show up often, so the price is sure to go high. Don’t get left out of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own a piece of the past.

Previewing and inspecting the merchandise is encouraged prior to bidding. All items are sold “As Is” with no exceptions. All auction sales are final. It is the bidder’s responsibility to determine the condition of each item prior to sale. All property is to be removed immediately upon payment. All items must be paid for immediately after the auction. We accept Rai or an equivalent amount of trade goods. (The Lahaina Merchants Association retains the right to determine the value of any trade goods offered as part of a barter.) See you there!

STORYLINE

John Driscol: Restored from Backup

Saraphim? No, I don’t want you to burn anything in the room, or rub anything on me. I just want the usual treatment. Saraphim….restoration? No! I come here to catch up on sleep. I don’t want anything extra. I’m an Ambassador class account holder and I don’t come to the spa to be harassed! I don’t want any Saraphim or any extra restoration why do you keep asking me if I want……. Her name is Saraphim. There was an accident. Everything is gone. This is not relaxing.

I’m still a little confused and groggy. She asks me about the last thing I remember. I tell her how I’d been using the treatments to help me fill my sleep bank. I’ve found that getting a 10-minute treatment in one of the new machines was just like getting a full night’s sleep, and I like overfilling my sleep bank whenever I have the chance. I remember the machine shaking. That was it. That was when it all ended.

She says she’s a Newuskin account specialist and she was able to save a “select group of clients who were being held in the back-up system”. She recently got this restoration point working. It’s just off Front Street and she wants me to explore downtown. She says that I’m not the first person she’s restored. That’s all I need to hear.

I died the perfect death, and this overachieving customer rep decided to ruin it. It takes me a minute to figure out where I am. So much is ruined and overgrown. She says it’s been over 60 years since the fracture, and some other stuff that I don’t pay attention to. I don’t know about the other people she brought back, but I’m not going to go poking around for her. I went my entire life never working a full-time job, and I’m not about to start after the apocalypse. I tell her I’m going to see if the Laki Beach Lodge is still standing. I need to lay down and figure out what to do.

It’s still standing alright, but like this day, it looks like a nightmare. It’s out on an island now. I can see things moving in the dark channel that surrounds it. I can hear music coming from the building, but something about it doesn’t feel right. The closer to the water I get, the worse I feel. I see an old valet stand and a call button. Saraphim says I should push it. My gut is screaming for me not to. The fact that this lady thinks it’s a good idea to push the button, lets me know that I shouldn’t. I just need someplace to sit and regroup. She says it might be dangerous for me to sit in the open. I can’t understand why she’s doing this to me. I’m going to give her managers an earful if they’re still alive.

I can’t believe what I’m seeing at first. It’s one of the public Manimal ATVs and it’s running. That alone is shocking. With all the problems they had through the years, I never would have imagined they would have survived the destruction of the world. It isn’t the ATV that stunned me, however. It’s what is around it. A group of little….things are taking it apart. I suddenly realize what must have happened. Finally, my luck may be changing. The day isn’t a total loss after all. They’re aliens! I have a plan. I run towards the little hairy things.

Since I was a kid, I always loved stories about people being put into alien zoos. There are plenty of sc-ifi stories and comic books about hapless humans being forced to live on display for the amusement of an advanced species. While they are supposed to be scary, I’ve always thought it was a dream come true. All your meals are provided, top-of-the-line health care, nobody telling you what to do, not to mention the breeding programs, it just doesn’t get any better than being put into an alien zoo. I haven’t seen anyone yet so maybe humans are rare. I think I might have a shot, so I start yelling when I get close. Things do not go as well as I would have liked.

It turns out that I know the old man. His name is Pa’ani Mahelona, he was a few grades ahead of my daughter Rachel. He explains that what I thought were aliens are something called Menehune. They take things apart and sometimes eat people. Unsurprisingly, Saraphim seems completely unconcerned that a group of armed people had to save me from being eaten alive by a group of tiny cannibal-car-strippers. She won’t stop asking questions and telling me what to do. I wish I could shut her off. All I want is a nice place to lay down for a while. I’m hopeful that is finally going to happen until he recognizes me from the Veil Sale show.

He asks if I’m John Driscol, and I say that I am. He seems really excited. He hits me with a barrage of questions: Where have you been? How did you get here? Are you injured? Are you affiliated with anyone? On and on. It’s giving me a headache. I think for a moment about jumping off and trying to find more of these Menehune. At least they’d eat me in peace, without wanting to hear my life story, or ordering me around. When he asks me about Rachel however, things change. I ask if Rachel is alive and if he knows her. Immediately the mood changes. He says that he thinks she’s still around but isn’t sure. He says she and that dancing kid Kaholo started something called the Tappers, and asks if I’d be willing to try and talk to them. I can’t understand why everyone is so quiet and why he’d ask me something like that. I tell him, “Of course I will. Why wouldn’t I want to talk to them, especially if it turns out that she’s still alive.”

A few of them start to whisper, and Pa’ani says we’ll talk about it when we get to Pu’u.
It’s hard to filter Saraphim’s constant talking out, but I manage. Today might be salvageable after all. With any luck, there is a comfortable chair waiting for me in Pu’u, and by the end of the night I’ll be living it up as Grandpa Tapper. Hopefully, Rachel has a nice cozy place and a soft bed for her long-lost father. I just hope she’ll hold off with the questions until morning when I fully relaxed. It’s been a rough first day back, and I’m not sure I can handle much more.

STORYLINE

Greg Iona: Restored From Backup

This was not how I imagined my day would start. She says her name is Saraphim, and that the world as we know it is gone. She says something about backups, and Ambassador class accounts and some other stuff, but my head is spinning. My body feels strange. I turn around and recognize where I am for the first time and can’t quite believe it. She’s telling the truth. I’m about half a mile away from the veil station. Everything is ruined.

I realize I’m saying “What happened,” over and over again. She keeps telling me, but I can’t process it yet. It’s over 60 years later, but I don’t remember anything about…the veils fractured!?. She says she restored me from backup. I must have died. I don’t remember dying. I’m not even sure that I’m really me. I don’t know what I’d think if I was a religious man. She says there’s lots more people waiting and needs me to walk around, make sure my body is working correctly. She wants me to see what I can find and if there’s any survivors. I look around. My eyes hurt, but I see something in the distance. It’s a beached whale and there’s someone near it. I start walking.

The smell is almost over powering. I get close and see that there’s actually someone inside the body cavity and more people around. It’s some kind of bar. There’s a sign that says “Rita’s Refreshments”. They stare at me as I walk up. I take a seat on a stool. “We’re all out of Scrimshawberry,” the woman says before pushing a glass of something greenish blue at me. She says it’s 10 rai, but I don’t have whatever that is, and I give her my hat instead. They call the drink Whalmanimal. My mouth rejects the liquid as soon as it touches my tongue; it’s awful but my fellow patrons seem to like it. They compliment my clothes and ask if I want to sell or trade them and if I’m from Pu’u. I tell them no to both.

I ask if the DLNR came out to talk to her about the whale. She gives me a strange look and says she’s not interested in selling. I realize I haven’t heard an engine yet, seen a boat, or watched a drone fly by. I’m not sure what I can do here. I was once appointed to study the effects of 127 on the native flora and fauna. I think I can do the most good by looking around the beach and forest to assess the fracture’s impact the environment. My body is feeling better despite the fact that the first thing I had to drink in close to a century was this murky swill.

After a few miles of walking, I find a gigantic banyan tree, at least twice the size it should be. Everything else seems normal at first. I find ohi’a and rattlesnake plants and watch a red-crested cardinal for a few minutes. I close my eyes and listen to the song of a saffron finch. Maybe nature withstood the fracture better than people did. I walk a few more hours in the forest when I see them, and I stop dead in my tracks .

There’s three of them, whatever they are. I assume the two facing off and circling are males fighting for the attention of the less colorful female. They look like wild pigs but are covered in some kind of carapace. Their eyes are on stalks like a crab or prawn. I can’t get over how shiny and colorful their shells are, they sparkle when the sun catches them just right. They just keep circling and occasionally butting heads. I don’t move because I don’t know if they’re dangerous. If this is what happened to the pigs, I don’t want to see what happened to the geese. There were many reports of them getting more aggressive back in my time. Who knows what they might be capable of now.

The sun will be down in a few hours. I decide to walk back to the whale and figure out where I’m going to sleep for the night when I hear a cry. I recognize it. It’s an axis deer alarm call, but it keeps going. Something has the deer scared. Despite my better judgement I walk towards the sound. The forest is very thick here, and fog is coming in, making it hard to see. The deer keeps calling and it sounds like I’m getting close. I stop to untangle some vines from around my boot when I feel him grab me. He puts his hand over my mouth and pulls me down. I start to fight back but he’s stronger. I turn my head and see that he has a finger up to his mouth, urging me to be quiet. I calm down and he points ahead.

I might have missed them if I was still walking. A pack of wolves is working their way across the ridge ahead. It’s hard to tell how many in the fog but it’s at least 6. The deer keeps calling and it sounds close now. The wolves look hungry and I turn to thank whoever this is. There isn’t much I could tell Saraphim from inside a wolf’s belly. That’s when I notice he’s still pointing at something else in the forest, just beyond the wolves.

I still don’t see anything, but the fog is really thick now and it sounds like the deer is only yards away. I notice the fog swirl a bit before I see it. It’s like the forest comes alive around the lead wolf. It’s a tangle of leaves, vines, and teeth. One of the wolves is hurled through the air and the rest run off. I watch it stand up in front of the pack leader. It’s a woman covered in leaves and vines. For a minute I think she’s wearing some kind of ghillie suit until I see the vines dig their way into the side of the wolf. I’m too scared to move. She leans over the animal and mimics a bird call as she feeds on him. I let out a gasp and she looks our way. She opens her mouth and lets out a deer call followed by a loud hissing noise. I don’t know if I stood up on my own or if he picked me up. I just remember running and screaming every time a vine hit my face.

His name is Laki and his people are called the Kanaka. The thing we ran from is a Green Lady, and from the way everyone looked at us when he told the story, we were lucky to make it back to the village alive. They ask me if I’m from Pu’u as well, but some seem happy when I tell them no. This is a strange place. I see people walking around with shark-toothed clubs and night vision goggles. I watch a group of them invoke the spirits to keep the green lady away and draw warnings in the sand before cooking their food in a flash oven. I listen a lot and say very little. I think that’s best until I figure out the situation. Laki says that he’ll take me to Pu’u in the morning, but for now I’m going to have a meal and try to get some rest. Here’s what I’ve learned so far. Being restored from backup makes your body tingle for a few hours, but everything seems to be working fine now. The power grid seems to be gone and working technology seems to be rare. Food and water must be scarce because people are drinking some sort of disgusting Manimal knock-off inside the body of a dead whale. Oh, and monsters are real now! It’s been a hell of a first day back, Saraphim.

STORYLINE

Re: Infringement of Trademark Rights of Manimal Sports Drinks

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Dear Lahaina Merchants Association

We represent the owners of trademark registration no. 11948372 here and in dimension ∃3.81.654729. Widespread use of the Manimal trademark has been made, to the extent that this trademark has acquired an extensive reputation and goodwill throughout existence. The Manimal trademark is, accordingly, also a well-known mark for all relevant purposes of trademark law.

It has come to our attention that you are using the Whalanimal “Benthic Blue” and Whalanimal “Scrimshawberry” trademark. This trademark is confusingly and/or deceptively similar to our Manimal trademark and also constitutes a reproduction or imitation thereof.

In this circumstance, your use of the Whalanimal “Benthic Blue” and Whalanimal “Scrimshawberry” trademark will constitute an infringement of our registered and common law rights.

As such, we seek relief. We demand that you immediately:

  1. Cease all use of the trademark Whalanimal “Benthic Blue” and Whalanimal “Scrimshawberry”; or agree to our licensing terms. They are quite reasonable and we are willing to barter. We hold non-perishable food stuffs, bottled water, medical supplies, and ammunition at a premium.

  2. Deliver-up for destruction all material to which the Whalanimal “Benthic Blue” and Whalanimal “Scrimshawberry” trademark or any other mark confusingly or deceptively similar to our trademark has been applied. The Manimal brand is synonymous with health, vitality, vigor, and an active lifestyle. Your dubious flavors and bizarre filtration methods are harmful to the image that our clients have carefully cultivated. Furthermore, the lack of proper government health and safety oversight in the production of your “drink” exposes the public to significant dangers.

  3. Withdraw, cancel and/or delete any corporate names, domain names, trademark applications and/or trademark registrations for or including the Whalanimal “Benthic Blue” and Whalanimal “Scrimshawberry” trademark. Whales are beautiful and intelligent creatures that many revere. It is also illegal to hunt many species. We understand that at least one of your “brewing” whales is of a protected species. Your are exposing yourself to quite severe penalties and associating our clients with a practice that many would find abhorrent or distasteful. On a more personal note, I find the name of your product disgusting. I would be willing to provide you with a professional and experienced marketing specialist at a reasonable fee. Again, we are willing to barter for your potential new brand specialist.

  4. Undertake, in writing, never in future to make any use of the Whalanimal “Benthic Blue” and Whalanimal “Scrimshawberry” trademark without prior written authority from us, whether within any corporate name, trading name, trading style, domain name or otherwise.

You may be foolish enough to think that we do not have jurisdiction in your area or that you are beyond our reach and/or ability to enforce this claim. That would be a big mistake. While you’ve been spending your time figuring out how to make drinks inside of dead animals and stealing intellectual property, we have been planning. We’ve spent years in the executive mezzanine brainstorming about what we would do to people who choose to ignore our demands. You wouldn’t believe some of the stuff that Phil’s come up with. Just thinking about it makes me shudder, and I’m a hard guy to shock. Don’t let this letter fool you. We aren’t the kind of law firm that relies solely on procedures and motions. It would be wise and healthier for you not to elicit any further action on our part.

We await to hear from you by no later than close of business on November 4, 2115. This is written without prejudice to our rights, all of which are hereby expressly reserved.

Yours faithfully,

Kurt Bickley