STORYLINE

SSB&P Investigation Finds Numerous Thriver Violations In Pu’u

Attention: Lahaina residents, property owners, and business operators.

As many of you know, we are currently in the midst of litigation with the Lahaina Merchants Association (LMA) regarding their unauthorized use of the well-known Manimal brand. Their production and sale of Whalanimal “Benthic Blue” and Whalanimal “Scrimshawberry” is unacceptable. In addition, during our due diligence, we become aware of numerous Kanaka violations regarding the property commonly referred to as “The Mission,” and some troubling inconsistencies regarding the property known as “Pu’u”. It is our hope to clear up these problems, and reach an agreement that is heavily weighed in our favor.

Having already explained to the Kanaka their liabilities, we wish to move on and focus our efforts on the Thrivers of Pu’u. After a close examination of public records, tax information, and the interrogation of two or your children, we have found a number of issues we can exploit. If you wish to avoid conflict, or lessen any judgement you may owe, we suggest that you comply fully with our requests.

NOTE: Providing actionable information regarding another case and/or signing a retainer agreement will end any investigation into your business, property, or dealings on our part.

We have learned that the Pu’u charter school is still standing, and continues to be used for the purpose of education, despite not having filed the correct paperwork for over 64 years. Your accreditation has long since lapsed, and we can find no record of a public review of textbooks, which is required under the law.

Our thorough questioning of a pair of children lured from the area, has led us to believe there are more serious issues as well. According to our examination: 50% of your children receive failing grades in reading and math, 100% fail science, and at least two haven’t learned to not go off with strangers. We have been informed that you are not conducting regular fire or hurricane drills, you are not offering lunch options for students with special dietary needs, and the building itself may have numerous code violations. To further our investigation and assess the severity of any problems we are formally requesting the right to enter Pu’u.

Notice to Enter Pu’u School
The Thrivers of Pu’u
1/30/2116

Dear Thrivers,

This letter serves as a formal request to enter the premises mentioned above on the date of 1/31/2116 between the times of 8:00 am and 8:00 pm.

The purpose of this visit is to solidify our case against you, obtain evidence necessary for a successful litigation, and fill the community with a sense of dread. This requires you to be available at the time of our visit. Further, we request you remember that we are holding two of your children before you attempt anything of a violent nature.

Please leave any weapons, explosives, or dangerous chemicals stored inside the school, and make no improvements prior to our visit, so we can make an accurate assessment of the premises.
This advance warning is in accordance with our practice of providing you notice no more than 1 day beforehand. If this time or date is inconvenient or problematic for you, too bad.

Sincerely,
SSB&P

If you fail to honor our request we may be forced to resort to any of the following: report you to any and all educational bodies, both public and private, across all worlds, seek punitive damages, conduct a massive negative social media campaign, start a school supply blockade, introduce inaccurate flashcards amongst your student population, or keep the students we already have in indefinite detention. For 65 years SSB&P has been the largest law firm around, and we pride ourselves on our ruthless efficiency and dogged determination. We look forward to further litigation with you in the future.

STORYLINE

Fall Showcase Highlights Student Talent in Pu’u

education2.jpg

College officials, military recruiters, and business representatives will descend on Lahaina tomorrow, to attend the annual Pu’u High School Fall Showcase. It may be early in the school year, but this is the night many of the young Blue Wolves have been preparing for their whole lives. Every year, the event connects promising students with those eager to meet, and cultivate the newest promising talent. In a world where acquiring skilled young people is at a premium, the Fall Showcase has become one of the most important events of the year for students. This year is no different, with two promising young people in particular, garnering a lot of attention.

“Things have changed a lot since I was a kid,” says Pu’u Principal Pa’ani Mahelona. “Thanks to Veil travel, these kids have the widest job market available that any generation has ever seen. Companies, schools, and governments from around the globe are looking to find the next Hank Gaud, Adler Walters, or Eric Oeming. They’re starting to track these kids earlier and earlier every year. The Empire of Equatorial Guinea for instance, has a very aggressive young talent recruiting program that focuses on children in elementary school. It’s a lot of pressure, and I’m amazed at how well our students handle it. Nothing seems to shake them. If the world were to end tomorrow, I’m not sure I’d want to be anywhere else, but surrounded by these remarkable young people.”

While all students participate in at least one event throughout the day, and have a chance to meet with recruiters, two of Lahaina’s brightest stars are getting a lot of attention. Mahelona says that Junior Rachel Driscol is one of the greatest minds he’s ever seen pass through the halls of Pu’u. Rachel has already been recognized by her school, the state of Hawaii, and Veilcorp for her achievements. Her wearable echolocation system has piqued the interest of many, and she is sure to have a busy day. Tap prodigy Kaholo Mae will have fine art schools, and entertainment reps dancing at a chance to meet the young man who has been called “grace given flesh.”

“It’s going to be hard having two famous people in the family,” says Rachel’s father and local celebrity John Driscol. He says that his daughter has been amazing people with her knowledge and inventions since she could ride a bike. “She built this electric motor for her bike before we took off the training wheels. Man that thing was fast!” John says he’s proud of his daughter’s accomplishments, and jokes that he didn’t have anything to do with cultivating her intellect. “There’s quite an age gap between Rachel and her siblings, I hadn’t really planned on being a dad again this late in my life. Honestly, she interfered with a lot of my beach time. On top of that she was a disagreeable baby. There were days that I thought she’d never stop crying, and I couldn’t wait to hand her off when my wife came home. Then one day, I was trying to listen to the audio directions to restart our smart home monitoring system, and she stopped crying. I had her listen to all kinds of instructions that day. It turned out she loved listening to textbooks, and anything else long and boring. It just goes to show you how tricky kids are. I spent way more time with her siblings, and there’s nothing special about them; but the one I leave in a room listening to a robot voice reading a dictionary all day turns out to be a genius.”

Kana Mae, mother of Kaholo Mae, on the other hand says she worked hard to cultivate her son’s love of the fine arts. “He was dancing in the womb,” she says. “Seriously, he’d kick his feet in time with the rhythm of whatever I was listening to, and he made his taste in music known even then. He seemed to love jazz, and the old standards the most. I could feel him shim sham and boogie drop whenever I’d listen to one of his favorite records, and he’d hitch kick me right in the ribs if I was listening to anything too loud or aggressive. As soon as he could walk he was dancing. I glued taps to the bottom of his footie pajamas, and when he got older he spent every penny of his allowance on outfits, hats, shoes, and canes. There was a point a few years ago that I thought I’d never get all the sequins and glitter out of the carpet.”

Kaholo blushes when listening to his mother’s stories about his early passion for dance. “It’s kind of embarrassing, but it’s all true,” he says. When asked about how he and the other students feel about the showcase, and the pressure Mae says, “I just try and back shoulder roll with it. Everyone says my Bandy Twist is amazing, but what is really amazing is my dance crew, and all the other talented kids showing off what makes them special. With the student leadership conference in town this week as well, I’m really looking forward to letting off some steam at the dance this evening, and meeting kids from all over. I think if everyone had a chance to see what we are bringing to the stage and table, they wouldn’t worry about the future. When I look around Pu’u, and the leadership conference, I know that my generation is more than capable of handling anything that gets thrown our way.”

STORYLINE

Pu’u Resource Officer Accused of Illegally Selling Manimal To Students

Manimal-Blog.png

In an attempt to promote healthier diets for students, and curtail disruptions in the classroom, Hawaii banned the sales of sodas, energy drinks, and high fat snacks in all public schools last year. Now, 31-year-old Pu’u resource officer Alice Kohole stands accused of not only disregarding the ban, but running an elaborate network of student distributors inside the school. She has been suspended without pay pending the outcome of an investigation.

Last Spring, the Department of Health kicked off their “Healthy Hawaii” campaign. designed to give Hawaiians easy access to healthy food and beverages choices. Many companies participated in the program and eventually the guidelines were adopted by Maui public schools, but according to reports, Kohole didn’t get the memo.

School officials and police became aware of the situation this month when a now-retired resource officer accused Alice of running a Manimal selling network inside Pu’u High. According to records uncovered by the Lahaina Advertiser, Kohole had been selling Manimal to students inside the school for months. Using a number of holding lockers, empty desks, backpacks left around the campus, and a handful of student “distributors,” the officer sold thousands of dollars worth of Manimal and other contraband snacks to Pu’u students.

Over 300 cans of Manimal were confiscated from school grounds, and Kohole has been put on unpaid leave, while investigators look into the case. According to many students, it was well known that “Manimal Alice” was selling the drinks, but they were surprised at the extent of the operation.

Pu’u Principal Pa’ani Mahelona says he is beyond disgusted by Kohole’s actions, and embarrassed that the beverage black market was operating so openly. He says the school has sent letters to parents explaining the situation, and will be hosting a town hall style meeting to answer any lingering questions or concerns parents might have about overstimulated students.

“Since the ban on sugary foods and energy drinks was enacted, we’ve seen an increase in attendance and test scores. At the same time conflicts between students and disciplinary actions have dropped. Many of those gains began to disappear during this last semester, and now we know why. I’m appalled at the actions of officer Kohole. I knew her personally, and can’t imagine what led her to this terrible decision. Worst of all is how blatant her actions were. Many parents have expressed concerns about more dangerous things like drugs and alcohol being sold in the open as well. Let me assure you that is not the case. Part of the way Alice was able to get away with what she did is the innocuous perception of Manimal in the classroom.”

The revelation has stirred outrage in many parents, but some students and Manimal fans say the issue is being blown out of proportion, citing that it is perfectly legal for students to buy and drink Manimal off campus. Spencer Kane, Manimal founder and CEO, is among those saying Kohole’s actions are a non-story. Kane says the real story is the Healthy Hawaii campaign itself, and a school system stuck in the past.

“I’ll admit that we’re best known for giving energy to free climbers, champion surfers, cliff divers, and daredevils of all kind, but Manimal also provides fuel for radical learners and extreme intellectuals. We’re proud to support: elite mathletes, spelling bee royalty, model UN heroes, and masters of memory. We consider these special people to be just as much a part of our family as any wingsuit enthusiast, or endurance runner.

The brain needs fuel just like any other muscle. The rigors and reality of the modern educational system demands a fuel a little stronger than water. The days of juice and cookies are over. Today’s students need something to help unlock their intellectual beasts, and nothing gets all your synapses firing like a cold Manimal. Instead of punishing this poor officer, we should be giving her an excellence in extreme education award.”

STORYLINE

Manimal Jelly Is the Condiment You Didn’t Know You Needed

Manimal-Blog.png

For millions of us, there’s nothing better in the morning than a slice of toast with some quality grape or strawberry jelly spread on top. The sugar and carbs paired with a caffeinated beverage is a trusted combination to start your day, but what if you could skip the coffee and get a caffeine kick on your toast? A new Jelly from Manimal aims to “Shake-Up The Breakfast Table!” Made from the popular energy drink, Manimal Jelly pledges to “zap some energy into the laziest meal of the day.” With energy drink consumption at an all-time high however, some are wondering if the public really needs another way to consume Manimal.

This is not Manimal’s first foray into the world of food. The company’s Manimal infused Turbo Ham changed everyone’s “preconceived notions about lunch meat” a few years ago and has gone on to be one of the most popular products at Big Bites Stores across the island. Nonetheless, health advocates say Manimal Jelly is different. While the ham contains only trace amounts of Manimal, the new jelly contains large quantities of potentially dangerous chemicals and seems to be targeted at children.

Manimal CEO Spencer Kane takes issue with the jelly ingredients being labeled as potentially dangerous but admits that the jelly wasn’t originally created with children in mind. “When I first approached the guys with the idea I had an extreme personal lubricant in mind, but after a little back and forth we decided to keep it super tasteful instead,” he says.

“Manimal Jelly knows no restrictions including age, but we think kids, in particular, will love the flavor and burst of energy it provides. Most cereals are absolutely loaded with sugar. While that does help children ride a sugar rush into class, it’s a short run. Most kids crash before lunch and struggle in the second half of the day. For far too long this was the best that they could hope for but not anymore. Manimal Jelly climbs that mountain of sugar and plants a flag of energy on top. Pound for pound it has all the caffeine and other natural ingredients as Manimal drink, exactly what a kid needs to keep their fire burning. Students fueled with Manimal Jelly instead of a boring bowl breakfast can pay attention well into the afternoon, hours after their peers have crashed. We live in a time that demands better breakfast options and I’ll just say it. It’s stupid to start your day any other way!”

Unfortunately for Mr. Kane Not everyone agrees piling caffeine, guarana, and taurine on top of sugar is the best thing for children. Pa’ani Mahelona, Principal of Lahaina’s Pu’u High School, says that the jelly has become an issue for the school’s no Manimal on campus policy. Mahelona like many critics says that Manimal Jelly creates a new problem rather than fixing one. He adds, “It’s really forced us to divert valuable resources to keep it off campus and we’ve urged our parents to save it for the weekends.”

“Earlier this year we became a Manimal-free campus and the results were amazing. Test scores and attendance are up, and incidents of fighting and climbing the building are dramatically down. While we recognize that it is every parent’s right to choose what is consumed in their house, there is no denying that Manimal is bad for a productive learning environment. In the past, it was relatively easy to spot a container of Manimal and confiscate it. The jelly has presented a much bigger problem. We recently found a student selling packets of jelly to classmates in her economics class. While we appreciated that she recognized an item of value, calculated a price point that maximized her profits, and established a sustainable supply chain, we were forced to confiscate the jelly and suspend her for five days. We take the rules seriously at Pu’u and urge parents to remind their kids to leave the Manimal in every form at home.”

Of course Manimal Jelly isn’t just for kids. Many Manimal fans both young and old are thrilled to have their favorite energy drink available in another form. One such fancier is on the older end of the spectrum, Lahaina icon Malie Kahiko. The 110-year-old star of the hit show Malie’s List says she’s a fan of the jelly but urges moderation.

“We didn’t know what Myrtle had waiting for us when she said she had something special for the shortcake at the next bridge club meeting, but some of us weren’t ready for the jolt we got that morning. I immediately suspected the mystery topping was Manimal jelly because pineapple jam doesn’t make Myrtle shake like that. Even though my doctor doesn’t like it, I have an occasional Manimal when I feel like it. I generally don’t have more than one because it can give me heart palpitations especially if I haven’t taken my medication, but the jelly hit like a ton of bricks.

I’m not sure if it was all the sugar or that we didn’t know what it was at first but it really got us going. It wasn’t long before the cards were down and we were all up and about. Myrtle and Clair were the first to race their scooters down the driveway but soon all of us with wheels were taking runs. A few of the gals tried to get a lindy contest going but it’s hard to dip that low with a walker. I’m used to doing crazy things on my show but a lot of these ladies aren’t. I can’t begin to guess how many tires and hips needed replacing at the end of it all. It was an afternoon to remember that’s for sure, I’d just suggest taking it easy until you know how much jelly is right for you.”

STORYLINE

Manimal “Victory Coolers” To Open When Lava Sledding Team Wins

Manimal-Blog.png

Never one to shy away from an unusual promotion, or an outrageous marketing scheme, Manimal has announced that it will be converting the company’s numerous emergency coolers in Lahaina to “Victory Coolers.” Manimal CEO Spencer Kane says that like many, he was bitten by the Pu’u bug, and wants to help celebrate the high school lava sled team’s amazing year. When and if the Blue Wolves win this year’s upcoming State Championships, the company will automatically unlock all 14 coolers filled with the popular sports drink, and allow fans to celebrate with an ice cold Manimal.

Riding an unprecedented 7-year-long winning streak, the Pu’u Blue Wolves have the most dominant high school lava sledding team in Hawaiian history, and that success has cultivated a rabidly enthusiastic fan base. Last year’s captain Rocky “Downhill” Hookeai considers himself one of the most loyal members of the “Wolf Pack” and says he can’t wait to drink a victory Manimal with other fans.

“I know some of the celebrations might have gotten out of hand before, and people are worried that giving free energy drinks to someone who is already overly-excited might not be the best idea, but I think it’s a great! What other drink can compare to the thrill of flying down the side of a mountain at 60 mph standing on a wooden sled. It’s as intense as it gets, and I know that we’ll make it 8 times in a row this year. I can’t wait to hear the electromagnetic lock pop on one of those coolers. You can keep the champagne. The Wolf Pack celebrates with Manimal!”

Created as part of an infrastructure and sewer improvement contract won by the beverage company after hurricane Neki, Manimal installed the emergency coolers to provide residents with “extreme refreshment for extreme emergencies.” Almost eight feet tall, with magnetic locks, and filled with the popular energy drink, the coolers were designed to be remotely opened after a natural disaster or city-wide emergency. Kane said the coolers would help solve the two biggest problems with traditional emergency beverages: they’re warm, and they aren’t Manimal.

Many at the time derided the city council’s decision to approve the plan to dot the Lahaina landscape with emergency coolers filled with the sports drink. They pointed out that in an emergency, people use water to cook food and for sanitary purposes as well, not just quench their thirst. However, Mayor Albert Cravalho approved the measure saying, the company, “Did a terrific job showing their aloha spirit by rebuilding our waste water system at a greatly reduced price. I love the design of the branded manhole covers and sewer grates, and I’m confident the emergency coolers will be just as tastefully done. Look, it’s not like you can take a shower with a couple bottles of water anyway. I’m sure that anyone looking for something potable to drink after a hurricane would be thrilled to have a cold Manimal.”

However, Manimal does not have the best track record when it comes to promotions in its hometown. While very popular, the public ATV program still suffers from frequent technological problems over a decade after its unveiling. In addition, just a few days ago, a child somehow managed to open one of the coolers, and was trapped inside for almost an hour. Local resident Randy Wilcox was supervising the child at the time, and says he still has concerns.

“My sister sometimes has to work nights, so I watch my nieces for her during the day. They’re great girls. Megan is smart as a whip. Melissa is going to be a great musician one day. You wouldn’t believe what she can make a ukulele do. Then there’s Mandy. I wouldn’t say that I have a favorite, but Mandy is close to my heart. She reminds me a lot of myself at her age. She’s a little fireball.

Anyway, we were all walking along the beach looking for shells and shark teeth when Mandy ran towards one of the coolers. My sister has three rules for me when I’m with the kids: No playing with fireworks, no doing product reviews for my Glimpsea or YouTube channel, and absolutely no Manimal for the girls, especially Mandy. I know that those coolers only open in an emergency so I wasn’t too worried, and thought I’d let her stare at the designs for a while. But when I looked over there a few seconds later she was gone. I yelled but she didn’t answer, so we ran over and that’s when we could hear her. She got inside somehow.

I called the number of the side but the tech couldn’t open the lock. Meanwhile you could hear Mandy cheering and opening up cans in there. I told her not to drink any, but I might as well have told a fish not to swim. By the time the fire department got there and pried open the door she was bouncing around like a pinball. In less than 30 mins, she had drank over a dozen cans. While that may not be on the level of Tony “Half-Barrel” Kahale, it’s pretty impressive for a 6-year-old. I could hardly keep her sitting down when I was bringing her home from the hospital, and she jumped out of my truck before I was even parked in the driveway. I can only imagine what my sister dealt with that afternoon when I left. Hopefully, Manimal gets the bugs worked out before the weekend. Dealing with a jacked up first grader is one thing, but I’d hate to see what happens to Lahaina if the Blue Wolves win and the coolers don’t open.”

STORYLINE

Lahaina Student Crowned Pacific Fire Knife Champion

dance.jpg

This past weekend, a Lahaina area student was crowned the 2048 Pacific Fire knife Champion. Pu’u sophomore, and dancing prodigy Kaholo Mae beat out competitors from Japan, Tahiti, and a former champion from Samoa to be the youngest person to ever hold the title. This is the first time a Hawaiian has won the top prize in the competition. Mayor Albert Cravalho announced his office will host a celebration and award ceremony at the Pu’u auditorium for the young fire knife dancer Friday evening.

Kaholo says he started practicing fire knife dancing at the tender age of two, and entered his first competition at four-years-old. “My mom tried to stop me at first, but after I saw my first fire knife event on TV I was hooked. To tell you the truth I’m more of a traditional jazz and tap kind of guy at heart. My lindy game is off the chain, and my Bandy Twist is certified flawless, but there was something about twirling fire that got its hooks in me, and never let go. Being the 2048 Pacific Fire Knife Champion is a dream come true, and I want to thank my friends and coaches for all their support, and especially my mom who put up with a lot of singed carpet, and curtains when I was first learning my groove. I feel very lucky and blessed to have come so far in the fire knife community at such a young age.”

A staple of any Polynesian show or luau, Siva Afi, better known as fire knife dancing, has a long and rich history in Polynesian culture. Practitioners originally used a Nifo Oti, a type of Samoan war club. The dancer would demonstration his or her battle prowess through a series of artful throwing, catching, twirling, and dancing moves with the club. Later with the introduction of metal to the islands, dancers used a machete wrapped in towels on both ends. The towels were then set ablaze giving the activity the fire knife moniker.

The flashy demonstrations soon became a favorite amongst visiting European and America Whalers, with huge demonstrations being held for successful expeditions. Records indicate that it was not unusual for hundreds of fire knife dancers to perform on Lahaina beaches after a fruitful hunt. Besides replacing the machetes with aluminum poles, the practice remains little changed today.

“Something happens when I put on the lavalava, and the drummers hit their groove. It’s deafening, but I don’t hear the drums; I feel them. It’s hard to explain, but I feel like the fire, and I are one, and the dance just sort of happens. I feel like I could handle anything thrown at me, like I’m in complete control or everything. Marathon runners call it a runner’s high. I just know it feels great, and I’m thankful that I have this outlet to celebrate my culture and my art,” says Mae.

Despite its deep roots in history, and importance to cultural heritage, some question fire knife dancing’s place in modern society. They point out the practice in its current form represents a troubling time, when Hawaii began turning away from traditional values, foods, dress, and customs, to appeal to the wants and needs of whalers and other outside forces. Some have even simpler complaints about fire knife dancing.

“It’s just stupid,” says Preservation Zone Compliance Liaison and Pu’u PTA member Elizabeth Stonegate. “I know people used to do it a long time ago so we’re supposed to have some sort of reverence or something, but that doesn’t work for me. Let’s be honest, we used to do all kinds of things that are dangerous or stupid. We used to bleed people to make them healthier, we gave people cocaine for toothaches, and before there were videos to watch, people had to watch these dancers spin burning objects at night. Thankfully, now you usually only have to watch the spectacle if your get dragged to one of those terrible tourist luaus. Up until now, I thought that was the sad exclusive domain of this embarrassing entertainment relic. However, like a lot of people I was troubled to learn about this competition over the weekend, and the disappointing truth of the school’s involvement.

I understand that we have to have ridiculous extracurricular activities like Model UN, and band for those children not talented enough to play a sport, but do we really need to support fire knife dancing? Our kids already spend too much of their time involved in classes that are completely useless to them in later life, history and chemistry just to name a few off the top of my head, but twirling a flaming batton or chain has to be the biggest waste of educational dollars I’ve ever heard of. I can’t imagine a situation where being able to play with fire like this would actually serve a purpose. I only hope Mr. Mae has the good sense not to try out his twirling at prom. Some of these parents have paid too much money for prom dresses to see them singed in the name of cultural sensitivity.”

Despite the few naysayers Pu’u Principal Pa’ani Mahelona says that he couldn’t be more proud of Mae’s accomplishment. “I know how hard Kaholo has worked. I’ve watched him grow from a kindergartner swaying back and forth during the Christmas program, to a young man capable of some of the most precise flaming batton work anyone has ever seen. All of Lahaina is in awe of his moves and artistry.” Mahelona says that any concerns about fire knife dancing at this year’s prom are ridiculous, and the product of misplaced jealousy. He adds, “It’s unfortunate that some people feel the need to tear down what they don’t understand, instead of celebrating this young man’s achievement. I find it especially ironic that Ms. Stonegate has concerns about the prom when there remains an active restraining order against her after last year’s debacle, and her own husband is not legally allowed within 100 yards of a school due to his history. This week should be about an amazing young man who is capable of anything, not petty bickering.”

STORYLINE

Lahaina residents bond over SSHAM and sandbags

Mother nature is not going easy on Maui residents this year. Barely a month into the hurricane season the island has already faced the fury of 3 storms, but none of them have reached the intensity of Neki. The storm has already produced winds of up to 115 mph and meteorologists say that it could get even bigger before it hits.

Mayor of the County of Maui Albert Cravalho has cancelled tonight’s firework display and has issued a statement urging the public to prepare for the worst. All across the island people are bracing themselves and their houses for what might be the most powerful storm to ever hit the island. The National Weather Service now says that Neki might surpass Iniki, the category 4 hurricane that hit Hawaii in 1992.

While the general mood on the island is serious, and many are concerned, the looming storm has also highlighted an extraordinary sense of love and community. Mr. Cravalho says he couldn’t be more proud. This Hawaiian spirit and sentiment is especially true for the Lahaina area.

The Veilcorp facility there has ceased all travel activity and opened the doors to the public to use as an emergency shelter. Dan Kukulu, head of operations says,

“Our doors are open to anyone who is worried about the storm. We have nice strong walls and reinforced windows. Teams are going over every square inch of the facility right now to ensure everyone’s safety. We’re stocked up with enough water and Manimal for a week. We even have some entertainment to take your mind off the wind outside thanks to the Pu’u high school jazz ensemble. Everyone is welcome to come in, have a seat, and tap your feet until this whole thing blows over.”

All along Front Street businesses are boarding up windows and trying to protect themselves from flooding. Hula Noodle, a popular area shop has even offered SSHAM Musubi to everyone who helps fill sandbags. Owner Ralph Umeke says he’s proud, but not surprised at the willingness of his neighbors to lend a hand. “That’s what makes this place special. We’re like a big family. Sure, maybe a few people get on your nerves from time to time but in the end we all pitch in when we need to. Besides, I’m giving out bowls of SSHAM pho to anyone who fills 10 sandbags and that stuff is onolicious.”

North of Front Street others are offering some high-tech alternatives to sandbags. The local maker commune has been busily printing modular surge barriers all day and offering them up to anyone in need. Ano Lee says,

“The machines are hot and we’re almost out of materials but we’ll keep printing until we can’t anymore. This is my home and I want to do everything I can to help. We’re using a pretty cool pattern that I worked on a few years ago. The panels are easy to put together and they’re sturdy. We’ve installed purple LEDs along the top, and blue along the sides so they should look super cool at night, especially highlighted with a little lightning. In addition, every other panel has a small speaker and some pre-loaded music. I have to admit, our hurricane playlist might be the best we’ve ever made.”

People have been queuing up for the barriers all day including Scott Stonegate. The local man says that he isn’t usually the kind to hang out at the commune but appreciates what Lee is doing. Stonegate says he’s using the experience as a life lesson for his kids. “Their mom is the president of our HOA so she’s busy right now making sure that all the plywood is properly fitted over windows, and that there isn’t any unnecessary markings on them. I think it’s important for our kids to see that even in an emergency, standards are important.”

Scott says that if it wasn’t for Lee, his neighborhood of Tanager Lane might not have any workable solution should the storm surge reach far inland.

“I’ve already cleared away anything from around the garage that might be of concern. However, if it wasn’t for these panels my classic Mustang Shelby GT350 might be in danger of getting flooded out. Ivy is the most beautiful custom green and I don’t know what I’d do if her electronics got ruined. I’m over here working with people that I normally avoid in the lightning and raging winds with my kids to teach them an important lesson. You need to do anything you can to ensure the safety of the things you hold most dear.”

The latest National Weather Service forecasts predict Neki to make landfall sometime early tomorrow morning. Until then, the residents of Lahaina will continue to share SSHAM, sandbags, and a sense of community.

STORYLINE

Pu’u Lava Sled Team Faces Cheating Allegations

maui5.jpg

Collegiate sports are a multibillion dollar industry in this country. With all that money at stake, cheating and ineligibility scandals have become all too common place. Many high profile schools have come under investigation, and the problem has begun to spread to other educational institutions. Recruiters are increasingly pressuring high school programs to cut corners and break rules in order to land the biggest and best upcoming prospects. Over the past few years a number of high school programs have come under fire, and now our own Pu’u Blue Wolves have joined that infamous club. The Hawaii High School Athletic Association (HHSAA) is looking into allegations that the Blue Wolve’s lava sledding team has been using its lectrotarp during competitions and not just during training.

Lava sledding, traditionally known as He’e hōlua, is well over 1,000 years old. Seen as both a sport and a religious rite by early Hawaiians, lava sledders race down courses of gravel, sand, and grass on long slender sleds. The sleds themselves are only 6 inches wide but can be as long as 14 feet. Sled riders can reach speeds of up to 100 km/h on courses that stretch for miles. The sport saw a huge resurgence beginning in the early 2000’s and remained pretty much the same since its inception until the introduction of lectrotarps in 2032.

Eectro-active carbon fiber tarps laid under courses promised to change the sport forever. Allowing a sledder to increase their speed by up to 50%, the tarps became a must have item for any serious lava sledding program. Records were being broken almost as fast as books could be printed, but an upwelling of outrage found the sport at a crossroads.

Many lovers of the sport pointed out its spiritual roots and said that the introduction of the tarps went against everything sledding represented. They argued that part of the sledding experience was the bravery shown by the rider testing the dangers of the slope and gravity, without the help of a charged electrical field. Proponents of the technology saw it as the next logical step in the sports evolution. They contended that every sport changes as technology allows: Football helmets are no longer made of leather, most hockey sticks are now made of carbographene instead of wood, and hi-tech shoes have changed the face of track and field. It was inevitable that lava sledding would undergo a technological renaissance as well they said.

In the end, with the help of a number of memorable accidents caused by increased speeds, the traditionalists won a partial victory. Active lectrotarps were banned during competitions but were allowed for training purposes. Virtually all schools with lava sledding programs have tarps under their courses and use them during practice. They argued that riders who are used to piloting faster sleds can more easily maneuver a slower sled during competition, leading to fewer injuries.

Schools are supposed to turn off their tarps during events and provide visiting teams proof that their systems are inactive. According to allegations, Pu’u Athletic director Pa’ani Mahelona not only activated the Blue Wolve’s tarp during runs, but he falsified tarp readings provided to opposing teams. In addition, it is alleged that Rocky “Downhill” Hookeai, the team’s captain, knew and participated in the scandal.

Because the investigation is ongoing, the HHSAA is providing few details. They confirm that they are “evaluating the veracity of claims brought against the Pu’u Blue Wolves lava sledding team regarding the use of active lectrotarps during sanctioned competitions,” but are saying little else. If the allegations are found true, the most dominate lava sledding team for the past 5 years could face serious consequences, including being permanently banned from the league. While this would be a disappointment to many high school athletes, it would be devastating for Hookeai, who is being courted by a number of colleges.

Athletic Director Mahelona released a brief statement regarding the potential scandal which reads, “We hold the integrity of our athletic programs and our young men and women in the highest regard at Pu’u. We categorically deny all of these unfounded allegations. All of our teams strive to represent the best in athletic competition. We hold honesty and fairness as core values. We do not cheat! Many of our students use athletics as a path for their future, and rumors such as these can cause serious harm down the road. I find it disturbing that these allegations have been leaked to the press without any proof to back them up. I’m confident that the HHSAA will clear us of any wrongdoing in a timely manner.”

STORYLINE

Pu’u Whiz Kid Takes Top Honor At Robotics Competition

electronics.jpg

A Pu’u Middle School student has won the prestigious HELLP Robotics competition, beating out hundreds of other students from across Hawaii. 11-year-old Rachel Driscol, a 6th grader at Pu’u, took the top honor Sunday, making her the youngest winner in the history of the competition. This year, the robots had to autonomously navigate a simulated office building, that had been damaged by a hurricane, marking the location of injured people, and delivering medical supplies to trapped survivors. Rachel’s creation was able to find all the injured, and completed the task in less than 5 minutes, almost half the time it took the next closest competitor.

Founded by Eric Oeming, the Hawaiian Engineering Lifelong Learning Program (HELLP), is entering its 10th year. Designed to teach kids the importance of technology and science with the assistance of adult mentors, HELLP holds many competitions throughout the year. However, the robotics competition is considered to be the most distinguished, drawing hundreds of competitors, with dozens of business and technology leaders attending the 2 day event. HELLP says that they have awarded millions in scholarships, and connected thousands of talented students with valuable contacts and mentors across the islands.

Rachel’s win wasn’t the first for a Pu’u student, but it does end a 3 year drought for the Blue Wolves. Pu’u Principal Pa’ani Mahelona says everyone is excited about the outcome, but not surprised. “Rachel is one of the brightest young minds I have ever encountered in my time as an educator. Her talents are limitless, and everyone just assumed that she’d win. Nonetheless, we had no idea she’d win so easily. Rachel certainly represents the best of Lahaina. We couldn’t be happier for her, and her family. I’d be remiss if I didn’t thank her parents for deciding to move to Maui. It has been a joy to watch this young lady grow over the past few years, and I look forward to seeing what she accomplishes in the future.”

“I actually had a big head start in this year’s competition,” says Rachel. “A couple years ago, I had built a robot that could bring my dad his beer, and help him find his phone and sandals with a specialized sonar system. This year’s goals weren’t much different from that.” According to Rachel, she’s always been interested in science and technology, and wants to work in Veilcorp’s Research and Development Division, or Vereserum’s Advanced Medicine Lab here in Lahaina one day.

“For as long as I can remember, I’ve always loved building things and figuring out ways to do things that nobody else has tried. My grandmother was a professional dancer, and she always tried to pay for ballet and gymnastics classes when I was little, but it just wasn’t for me. I appreciate the physical mastery it takes to be a great dancer, but my feet aren’t wired for grace. A good technical schematic, or an unsolved problem makes me want to dance just as much as any music I’ve ever heard.”

Rachel says that she is too young to make any big decisions about her future, despite the offers that have been coming in since she won the competition. She says she wants to develop her sonar system further, and hopes to make it available to the visually impaired in a few years.

“It must be something in the island air. Her brothers and sisters sure aren’t breaking any records, and their grades aren’t anything to brag about, but they were born on the mainland.” says Rachel’s father John. He credits his hands-off parenting style with allowing his daughter to reach her full potential, but says that having a genius daughter isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be.

“I see so many parents pushing their kids, demanding they operate at peak performance, and giving them grief about their grades all the time. It never made sense to me. Being a parent is hard enough already: always bringing them places, signing permission slips, and making them food when their hungry, which is always. Why would anyone in their right mind add worrying about school work, and their potential to the long list of parenting responsibilities? I stopped being able to help Rachel with her homework 3-years-ago, and it seems like the more I separated myself from that part of her life, the more she achieved. It may not be a popular thing to say, but keeping your kids at arms-length can be a great tool to teach them how to build their own future. I don’t know if I can express how proud I was of her when she built the robot that would bring me my shoes, and find my keys. Most parents of kids her age had to settle for cheap arts and crafts projects, or illegible hand-scribbled cards. My 3rd grader made me a robot butler. I’m sure that whatever it was she built for this competition was amazing, and the scholarship money will help, but you can’t put a price on something like a robot that brings you beer.”