STORYLINE

How a simple noodle shop became a Lahaina institution

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With so many things to experience and places to see, new visitors frequently have a hard time deciding what to do while in Lahaina. Options include: snorkeling, whale watching, swimming, golf, eco-tours, ziplines, ATV rides, kayaking, shopping downtown, or just enjoying a beverage on one of the world’s most beautiful beaches. The choices are almost endless. If you ask a local what to do while on the island you’ll most likely hear a combination of the things above. If you ask them where to eat, chances are one name will come up over and over again, “Hula Noodle.”

Built back in 2025 by Ralph Umeke, the noodle shop has become a favorite of Lahaina residents and one of the hottest spots on the island thanks to its history and Umeke himself. Known simply as “Uncle Ralph” by the locals, Umeke started Hula Noodle to be “a place where you could grab a warm bowl of food before work, or after a long day surfing, without a lot of fuss or people bothering you.”

Ralph’s dishes have won a number of awards over the years. A quick check will reveal that it is the highest-rated food stop in Lahaina, and Umeke has won the coveted Platinum SSHAM Can every year of the competition. “I just really like noodles. They’re easy to make and eat,” he says. When asked about his secret for making world-class noodles he answers in typical Uncle Ralph fashion, “It’s very easy. If I make a bowl of food that isn’t delicious, I fix it or throw it out and make a bowl that is delicious.”

His policy of asking tourists to make room for regulars when the shop is busy and asking anyone he deems too loud to leave has won the hearts of many. All new visitors are treated the same inside Hula Noodle, and Umeke has famously asked many high-profile guests to leave for being too disruptive. “Those Manimal people were in here once. That surfing girl and the big guy who drinks too fast. They just wanted to take pictures, so I threw them out,” he says. Ironically, Hula Noodle might not be as widely known as it is now if it weren’t for one person’s memorable visit back in 2031.

Ralph says, “This guy walks in carrying a stack of papers one morning and asks for a breakfast bowl. I gave him his food and he just sits there doing paperwork. Eventually, I told him that unless his momma was going to ground him for not doing his book report he should eat before it got cold. I don’t reheat food. He smiled and thanked me for the advice. Then he asks me what I thought of the new Veilcorp station being built. I said I just make noodles, I’ll leave the extradimensional travel to those guys. As long as tourists pay their bills and are respectful of the place I didn’t care if they arrived by submarine or got pulled out of a magician’s hat. He laughed, said he’d do his best to make sure that the rowdy tourists were screened out, and asked if I knew a good place to buy a submarine. It was the founder of Veilcorp, Eric Oeming.”

Oeming came back every day during the construction of the Veilcorp facility and the two became good friends. The Veilcorp CEO made it a custom to treat any dignitaries or famous visitors with a meal at Hula Noodle. Word spread quickly and soon business was booming. “To be honest it’s a bit too much sometimes,” Umeke says. The shop became a destination for foodies and celebrities alike but much to the delight of his neighbors, Uncle Ralph kept the shop rules the same: make room for locals and keep the noise down to a minimum.

The no-nonsense noodle chef and the brilliant scientist hanging out downtown became a common sight and the unlikely duo amused residents. The shop turned into an unofficial extension of Oeming’s office with many deals being signed over a noodle bowl. A small plaque still hangs over a corner chair that reads: “Eric’s seat”.

Things changed for the friends in 2041 when dozens were killed in an attack at a Velicorp function including Oeming’s wife and daughter. “It was the first time that Hula Noodle was closed for more than a few days,” says Umeke. “It was like I lost part of my own family.” With reporters everywhere on the island, the shop became a sanctuary for Oeming. “I don’t talk about that stuff. If and when Eric does that’s up to him, but he hasn’t so far, so neither am I,” says Ralph when asked about the first few days after the attack.

The pair remain good friends but Oeming’s public appearances have all but stopped in the ensuing years. “We still talk a lot, but he’s a really busy man these days. He knows he always has a seat in the shop, as long as he keeps it down,” says Uncle Ralph with a smile.

The Hula Noodle became a beacon of hope for the rest of Lahaina as well last year after the devastation of hurricane Neki. The fact that the shop made it through the storm unscathed while so many others lost everything was seen as a good omen by many. “It was like a sign that the storm couldn’t break our spirit. Everyone’s love for the Hula Noodle kept it safe, and it was a reminder that we were just bent, not broken,” says Mayor Albert Cravalho.

Umeke says the shop made it through because of the hard work of his neighbors who helped fill sandbags before the storm hit, a little luck, and some upgrades to the building over the years thanks to Veilcorp engineers. “I try to remain humble, but being best friends with a genius billionaire has its benefits.”

STORYLINE

Chop House’s Customer Assistant AI a Hit With Tourists

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It seems like every business is using AI for customer interactions these days, from the SSHAM customer service hotline, to the automated city hall kiosks, if you need help, chances are you’ll talk to a machine. Now, one recently released AI assistant, from an unlikely business, is stirring things up in Lahaina. I am speaking of course of CRAIG, the Abramo Chop House’s customer appreciation helper. The AI has become a huge success with tourists, and a thorn in the side of many local business owners.

The Customer Resource Artificial Intelligent Guide (CRAIG) app has only been available a few weeks, but has already become hugely popular, particularly with tourists lucky enough to get a reservation at the Abramo Chop House. Accessible only to customers of the restaurant, CRAIG acts as a tour guide and concierge, booking appointments, giving directions and answering questions about Lahaina. However, it’s the way that CRAIG helps, and the AI’s attitude that has many area business owners upset.

“With over 30 years of experience as a business owner, and a seat on the Lahaina City Council, nobody knows Lahaina like Bob Abramo. Nobody until now,” says Brandi Essen, Operations Manager of Abramo Holdings LLC. “CRAIG uses all of Bob’s knowledge of the area to: help answer any questions you have, book tours and shows, and act as a guide to West Maui. Our customer service doesn’t end when you leave one of our tables. We want to help our most loyal customers with day to day tasks, and make sure you have a great time if you’re visiting the island. Using CRAIG is like having a personal hotline to Bob Abramo himself, that is open 24/7 for whatever you need.”

While Ms. Essen and tourists may sing the praises of CRAIG, many local business owners have had a different experience. Many complain that communicating with the AI is an extremely unpleasant experience, and that CRAIG focuses on Abramo businesses and Abramo business partners, almost to the exclusion of all others. Ralph Umeke, owner of the popular Hula Noodle restaurant says, “The damn thing is almost as rude as its bloated creator. It’s to the point where I’ve started to screen tourists for the app, and kick out the ones who have it. I won’t allow that kind of negativity in the shop while people are trying to enjoy their food.”

Several other business owners, who wished to remain anonymous, share a similar view of CRAIG. They say that the AI is overbearing and condescending in its communications, and often lies about the price of merchandise, and operating hours of companies not associated with Mr. Abramo. Numerous complaints have been filed with the Better Business Bureau, and the mayor’s office, but CRAIG opponents say they are not hopeful that anything will change soon.

Leading up to this story, I had my own personal experience when the AI called to “talk over some concerns” it had about me, and this report. CRAIG had compiled a list of every story I had written that had clarifications or corrections, and grilled me about whether or not “the news thing” was really right for me. It had gone through all my social networks, and asked if I was a vegetarian, informing me that it didn’t talk to anyone with “radical or misinformed nutritional beliefs.” In addition, Craig advised me that I shouldn’t wear so many green garments in public, because “green is a terrible color” for a woman of my “age and complexion”.

While it may not be the favorite of the Lahaina business community, and I found the AI to be impolite at the very least, there is no doubt that it has been a hit with tourists. Bret and Spring Casey say they first visited Lahaina last Fall, and had a good time, but this year’s visit has been great thanks to CRAIG. According to Spring,

“CRAIG has been amazing. He told us the location of the nearest public Manimal ATV, and reserved it for us after we were exhausted from a long walk in the preservation zone. It got us upgraded to Splash Row at the Aloha Shores Dolphin Show at no charge, and threatened the kid working the concession booth, after he “accidentally” gave me back the wrong change. We almost called for a Hailoha when we got up the next morning, until CRAIG told us how dangerous they can be, and how poorly vetted their drivers are. CRAIG got so mad when I asked about taking a horseback tour to see the island, that I almost had to shut off the app. Luckily, we took his advice, and booked an afternoon with the Lahaina Zipline Tours instead, narrowly avoiding disaster. I can’t begin to tell you how great CRAIG made our trip. It’s like having a little Big Bob watching out for you, and yelling at anyone who makes a mistake.”

STORYLINE

Lahaina residents bond over SSHAM and sandbags

Mother nature is not going easy on Maui residents this year. Barely a month into the hurricane season the island has already faced the fury of 3 storms, but none of them have reached the intensity of Neki. The storm has already produced winds of up to 115 mph and meteorologists say that it could get even bigger before it hits.

Mayor of the County of Maui Albert Cravalho has cancelled tonight’s firework display and has issued a statement urging the public to prepare for the worst. All across the island people are bracing themselves and their houses for what might be the most powerful storm to ever hit the island. The National Weather Service now says that Neki might surpass Iniki, the category 4 hurricane that hit Hawaii in 1992.

While the general mood on the island is serious, and many are concerned, the looming storm has also highlighted an extraordinary sense of love and community. Mr. Cravalho says he couldn’t be more proud. This Hawaiian spirit and sentiment is especially true for the Lahaina area.

The Veilcorp facility there has ceased all travel activity and opened the doors to the public to use as an emergency shelter. Dan Kukulu, head of operations says,

“Our doors are open to anyone who is worried about the storm. We have nice strong walls and reinforced windows. Teams are going over every square inch of the facility right now to ensure everyone’s safety. We’re stocked up with enough water and Manimal for a week. We even have some entertainment to take your mind off the wind outside thanks to the Pu’u high school jazz ensemble. Everyone is welcome to come in, have a seat, and tap your feet until this whole thing blows over.”

All along Front Street businesses are boarding up windows and trying to protect themselves from flooding. Hula Noodle, a popular area shop has even offered SSHAM Musubi to everyone who helps fill sandbags. Owner Ralph Umeke says he’s proud, but not surprised at the willingness of his neighbors to lend a hand. “That’s what makes this place special. We’re like a big family. Sure, maybe a few people get on your nerves from time to time but in the end we all pitch in when we need to. Besides, I’m giving out bowls of SSHAM pho to anyone who fills 10 sandbags and that stuff is onolicious.”

North of Front Street others are offering some high-tech alternatives to sandbags. The local maker commune has been busily printing modular surge barriers all day and offering them up to anyone in need. Ano Lee says,

“The machines are hot and we’re almost out of materials but we’ll keep printing until we can’t anymore. This is my home and I want to do everything I can to help. We’re using a pretty cool pattern that I worked on a few years ago. The panels are easy to put together and they’re sturdy. We’ve installed purple LEDs along the top, and blue along the sides so they should look super cool at night, especially highlighted with a little lightning. In addition, every other panel has a small speaker and some pre-loaded music. I have to admit, our hurricane playlist might be the best we’ve ever made.”

People have been queuing up for the barriers all day including Scott Stonegate. The local man says that he isn’t usually the kind to hang out at the commune but appreciates what Lee is doing. Stonegate says he’s using the experience as a life lesson for his kids. “Their mom is the president of our HOA so she’s busy right now making sure that all the plywood is properly fitted over windows, and that there isn’t any unnecessary markings on them. I think it’s important for our kids to see that even in an emergency, standards are important.”

Scott says that if it wasn’t for Lee, his neighborhood of Tanager Lane might not have any workable solution should the storm surge reach far inland.

“I’ve already cleared away anything from around the garage that might be of concern. However, if it wasn’t for these panels my classic Mustang Shelby GT350 might be in danger of getting flooded out. Ivy is the most beautiful custom green and I don’t know what I’d do if her electronics got ruined. I’m over here working with people that I normally avoid in the lightning and raging winds with my kids to teach them an important lesson. You need to do anything you can to ensure the safety of the things you hold most dear.”

The latest National Weather Service forecasts predict Neki to make landfall sometime early tomorrow morning. Until then, the residents of Lahaina will continue to share SSHAM, sandbags, and a sense of community.

STORYLINE

Veilcorp Unveils Plan For Public “Veil Stop” Network In Lahaina

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In the past two decades veil technology has changed the face of long distance travel. Veilcorp has made the dream of near instant world transit a reality and dominates the global business and leisure travel market. Now, with a new plan for a public transportation system in Lahiana, the company appears ready to change the way we move locally as well.

A joint project between Veilcorp and the Hawaiian government, the proposed “Veil Stop” network would see the company converting already existing bus stops in Lahaina into a series of small, interconnected veil stations. The plan is backed by Mayor Albert Cravalho who released a statement this morning which reads in part, “We are proud to partner with Veilcorp in this amazing project. The County of Maui has long been a leader in technological adoption and environmental awareness. We look forward to being able to provide tourists and residents alike a safe and easy way to travel across the island, while doing even more to protect our beautiful and delicate natural areas.”

Brie Howard, Veilcorp’s VP of special projects and strategic growth, says that the program will revolutionize local travel and business.

“Without getting into specifics, we’ve made great progress in the past few years reducing the amount of energy required to power our veil technology. We’ve made the process efficient enough, with the same safety features, that our Veil Stop network is now viable. Much of what we need is already included in the bus stops. With a few minor additions and a little new wiring work, we can offer a unique travel experience for visitors who don’t want the hassle of traveling on a bus.”

Even though the buses running in the Lahaina area are completely electric, Howard points out that they still have some environmental impact through maintenance, wear and tear on the road, and a reliance on rare metals for the production of batteries. The Veil Stop network on the other hand, would largely rely on existing infrastructure and the solar production of 127 by the Icarus project for power. According to Howard the system would have virtually no negative impact on the environment. “The best part is that you’ll never have to ride the bus again,” says Howard. “Nothing can ruin a vacation like having to be trapped inside a vehicle with crying babies, inebriated travelers trying to hold it together over the bumps, and lost tourists shouting for the driver to stop every 100 yards.”

Residents and business owners alike have expressed excitement over the project since it’s announcement. One of the most enthusiastic has been Ralph Umeke, the owner and operator of the Lahaina favorite, Hula Noodle. Umeke says the network would be a boon to tourists and residents alike. “The buses run pretty late but there are always people who don’t make the last run for the evening. Usually, it’s people who’ve been enjoying themselves a little bit more than they should. That leaves them few options. Some choose to call Hailoha for a ride, but they are often belligerent. I know quite a few drivers who won’t pick up in certain areas at night, because they don’t want to deal with the hassle or spend hours cleaning up their back seats. Others try to walk back to their hotels but that can be dangerous and they often get lost. The worst are the people who get one of the public Manimal ATVs and somehow work around the breathalyzer interlocks. Anything that can keep those 4-wheeled menaces off the roads and lawns of Lahaina is a long-time coming if you ask me.”

Many residents are as thrilled as Umeke, and the Mayor’s office has been flooded with questions about how many, and which stops would be converted under the plan. Those living in areas where bus service was discontinued due to the expansion of the preservation zone, are especially eager to learn if the network could expand to these old stops as well.

John Driscol, one such resident, says he’d be delighted to see the program expand into the preservation zone.

“They took away all busing in my area 15-years-ago, both public and school routes. Since then, I’ve needlessly spent over 60 hours a year walking my kids to the next closest stop, or in some cases, the school itself. When you do the math, I’ve spent almost 38 days chained to unnecessary parental responsibility since the buses stopped running to our neighborhood. I can’t get those days back, but it’s not too late for other parents who love their leisure time but feel an obligation to ensure their children’s safety as well. I take comfort in knowing that this system has the potential to help new parents who haven’t had to endure what I have. In addition, the fact that I would be able to greatly reduce the amount of steps I’d have to take in a day, gives me hope. Looking at the location of old and existing bus stops, I believe I could reduce the number of steps I take in a busy day to under 2,000, and most days far less. I can’t get those school days back, but I might be able to greatly extend the life of my sandals, and that’s good enough for me.”

STORYLINE

DLNR’s New Plan for Invasive Species: Eat the Invaders

The Hawaii Department of Land and Natural Resources (DLNR) has started an innovative and unusual campaign to rid Maui of one of the fastest-growing invasive species, the Red Swamp Crayfish. According to the DLNR, the crayfish eats crops, damages land, kills native species, are easy to catch, and are absolutely delicious. They are counting on the stomachs of hungry Hawaiians to do what years of chemical control efforts couldn’t hold the crustaceans in check.

Like so many of Hawaii’s invasive species, the story of the Red Swamp Crayfish, Procambarus clarkii, is one of unintended consequences. Introduced into taro patches near Ahuimanu Stream in O’ahu, the crayfish population exploded and became a serious threat to taro cultivation. The pests have been documented to consume taro, and rice, prey on insects, snails, and the eggs of native fish species. If that wasn’t bad enough, their burrows can cause bank erosion along streams and rivers, as well as drain taro fields.

With the help of tourists and collectors, the crayfish soon found their way to other islands, Maui in particular. Chemical controls over the past few years have proved ineffective at slowing down the population, and many are concerned about the use of potentially dangerous chemicals inside the preservation zone. After it was discovered that SSHAM affected the crustacean’s nervous system, many local streams were “chummed” with the canned meat product in an attempt to kill them off. However, the practice was stopped out of concerns about the long-term consequences on native species. “To be honest we were running out of ideas,” says the DLNR’s Greg Iona. “It was a trip to Louisiana by one of our officers that sparked the consumption campaign. We’re focused on getting the word out about the crayfish and letting people know that there is a great new seafood option right out their backdoor. They really are easy to catch, and quite delicious when prepared correctly.”

The State’s campaign highlights the abundance of crayfish in many streams around Lahaina and offers an open season on the pests. The DLNR provides cooking and catching tips on their website, as well as information regarding the damage caused by the species every year. Many local businesses are jumping on board, with local eateries offering crayfish dishes, and SSHAM CEO Art Pua’a saying the company plans on offering a clarkii blend within the next month. Nonetheless, not everyone is sold on eating the pests.

Hula Noodle owner Ralph Umeke says the crayfish will never be offered in his noodle shop. “They call them mudbugs for a reason,” he says. According to Umeke the crustaceans are foul-tasting and potentially dangerous.

“They’ve been putting a lot of pressure on restaurant owners to help promote this idea of theirs. They’ve even offered to provide the crayfish for the first few months for free, but I just can’t do it in good conscience. I’m not sure I have the words to describe what one of these things taste like. They’re awful. There isn’t enough garlic, butter, or rum in the world to make them edible. Imagine finding a pool that hasn’t been cared for in a couple years, drain it and wipe up the scum on the bottom with a piece of bread, that’s close. The first one I tried made me retch. Not only do they taste bad, but they are potentially dangerous. After doing a little research, I found that they have a propensity to accumulate environmental contaminants like: heavy metals, dangerous organic runoff compounds, and pesticides. They can also be vectors for several harmful human parasites including: the lung fluke, rat lungworm, and leptospirosis bacteria. I think trapping them is fine, but I wouldn’t put one in my mouth.”

The DLNR says that like many animals, crayfish living in polluted waters can be dangerous, but the water quality on the island makes them safe to eat. Despite what Umeke may think, they encourage the public to give the crayfish a try. Many are doing just that. Over the past weeks, crayfish fever has hit the island, and many businesses are cashing in. The Kokua Wellness Center is touting a line of crayfish-infused tonics and fresh fruit drinks.

Spokesperson Yvonne Masters says, “We are excited to offer a large variety of clarkii collagen infused health drinks. These natural healing tonics are perfect for: weight loss, boosting immunity, increasing bone density, and enhancing the skin. We use only local crayfish, blend them onsite, and extract the collagen fresh every day to maximize flavor and potency. We are recommending the drinks to our clients as a supportive health aid, to be used in conjunction with their usual Newuskin treatments.”

Rather than consumption, local inventor Ano Lee is focusing on catching the crayfish. Even though Lee himself recently battled a life-threatening leptospirosis infection, one of the pathogens found in the species, he says he is excited about the open season and has designed a unique trap perfect for catching buckets full.

“The pyramid-style trap, with three entrance funnels has been the industry standard for a long time because it is nearly perfect for its intended purpose. My design is similar, with adjustable funnels so it can be used on a variety of crustaceans including crabs, and spiny lobster, but that isn’t what sets my traps apart. It’s the sonic lure, that makes the difference with our traps. Most crustacean fishing is passive with scent lures designed to draw in your intended targets, but my traps send out a continuous low frequency pulse that calls out to the crayfish, and draws them in. I’m not sure if it’s an aggression or a sex thing, but they sure come running when they hear the noise.”

Lee disregards complaints that the sound produced by his traps has caused pets to become agitated, and reports that they have led to insomnia, unusual dreams, and ringing in the ears in people living near an active trap. He says, “It’s springtime and it’s only natural that animals are going to be more vocal at this time of year. The same goes for people. Sometimes you have weird dreams and can’t sleep. It happens to everyone. It happens to me all the time. I would suggest that these people get some noise-canceling headphones if it bothers them that much, and look up some crayfish recipes because they are going to catch a ton with my traps.”

STORYLINE

Trapped Children Credit Quick thinking and Doughnuts for Survival

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The saga of 4 Lahaina children trapped inside a barrier wall came to an end today, when rescuers were able to safely remove them from the cavity that they had been huddled in for almost a week. Officials say that the construction drones that were building the wall failed to recognize that the children were inside the foundation trench when they began to pour concrete. Miraculously, none of the children were seriously injured, and all are expected to make a full recovery. The kids credit their survival with the quick thinking of one and freshly made doughnuts every night for keeping their spirits up.

June 10th was like any other typical summer day in Lahaina. In every neighborhood kids were outside playing ball or trying to beat the heat by walking down to the beach or jumping through a sprinkler. Tanager Lane was no different. 4 long-time friends, 10-year-old Brandon Stonegate, 11-year-old Landon Morrow, 10-year-old Greg Pio, and 9-year-old Tammy Laiwi, were playing in Brandon’s backyard, when the ball they were kicking around found it’s way into the trench dug for the barrier wall. The kids knew that construction on the controversial wall was supposed to continue that day, but assumed it would be safe for them to quickly retrieve the ball. They were wrong.

The wall around Tanager Lane had been a hot button topic for months. Opponents argued that it sent the wrong message to tourists and would become an eyesore. However, Preservation Zone Compliance Liaison to the Mayor’s Office Elizabeth Stonegate had been pushing the project, claiming that it was needed to help protect both the neighborhood and the surrounding protected areas. Stonegate said that the wall would “enshrine” the neighborhood and highlight Tanager Lane as an example of an area that had “reached 100% compliance with all preservation zone regulations”.
Stonegate’s plan included using the neighborhood’s maintenance drones to construct the wall in order to save money and keep heavy construction equipment from driving through the area. Many had concerns about turning over such a large project to the automated building-bots including their creator, Ano Lee. “I told Elizabeth that they still had some trouble recognizing objects that should be avoided and people when engaged in large projects, but she wanted to push ahead with the wall anyway,” he says. It now appears that Lee’s concerns were right.

Tammy and Greg were the first to jump in the trench to navigate the maze of rebar to get their ball. According to the friends, the drones showed up almost immediately, and they knew that they were in trouble. “They started to install big panels of wood. I had watched my uncle pour concrete before and knew that they were molds. They didn’t stop when they got by Tammy so Landon and I jumped in to pull them out, but the drones were working so fast that it was too late,” said Brandon. According to the children it was Brandon’s quick thinking and another drone malfunction that saved their lives.
One of the wooden panels was installed at an angle and broken. This left just enough space between the mold and the earthen wall for the children to take shelter as the concrete began to fill the trench. Brandon sealed the space as well as he could with a piece of the broken mold. It would be almost a week before any of them would be reunited with their families.

At first, nobody knew where the children were. Officials had been searching the surrounding forests for over a day before someone finally heard the children’s shouts for help. Worried about the structural integrity of the wall, first responders called in engineers to assess the situation. The tiny air hole the children had relied on was widened and people from around the island gathered to provide what help they could, including Hula Noodle owner Ralph Umeke with his “Mobile Malasada” truck. Along with some bottles of Manimal, some of “Uncle” Ralph’s malasadas were the first food to be lowered down to the children and they credit the deep fried treats with keeping their spirits up. The children remained trapped for another 3 days before engineers could safely pull them free this morning.

Brandon’s mother Elizabeth says she’s thrilled and relieved that the children are safe and healthy and says she and her family just wants to move forward and “let things get back to normal.” She adds, “Having something happen like this makes you think about what’s really important. You are only given one chance and one body to get through life, so it’s important to treat yourself with respect. When I see what these kids eat every day…well it’s no wonder they couldn’t climb out of that trench in time and my son had to risk his life to save them. Hopefully, these families will start taking nutrition a little more seriously. They won’t always have a Stonegate around to help them.”

For his part, Brandon says that he has no regrets about risking his life to protect his friends and says they have never been closer. He says he learned a lot through the ordeal, and his love of Portuguese confections is at the top of the list.

“We’re not allowed to eat that kind of stuff at home. I had no idea that something could be so delicious. Towards the end we were all getting pretty scared and worried that they wouldn’t be able to get us out before something bad happened. Just making it to the evening when the malasada truck got there helped us all. No matter how bad it got down there we knew we’d get warm doughnuts in the evening. I had to get trapped for 5 days in a cramped, hot, dirty hole with my friends to discover those malasadas. I think it was worth it.”

STORYLINE

Noodle shop teaches kids that recycling can be fun

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Over the past 18 years Hula Noodle has grown from a favorite eatery for the locals to a Lahaina tourist destination. Run by Ralph Umeke, (Uncle Ralph to Lahaina residents), the shop is well known as being one of the best places around to grab a delicious bowl of food and catch up on the local news. Now thanks to a donation from Reality Machine, the Maui landmark is becoming a place where kids can learn the importance of recycling, and have fun doing it.

Umeke never dreamed that his small noodle shop would become a place where kids and tourists alike could learn about the science of recycling, but then again he never thought he’d be famous. When he built the restaurant he had one thing in mind, “making a place where you could grab a warm bowl of food before work, or after a long day surfing, without a lot of fuss or people bothering you.” Everything changed when a brilliant young scientists named Eric Oeming moved to Lahaina and walked through Hula Noodles’ front door.

Despite being known for his gruff exterior and his wariness of tourists, Umeke declared Oeming a “local who just happened to be born somewhere else.” The pair became, and still are, very close friends. Soon Uncle Ralph’s quite local noodle shop turned into a favorite for hundreds of Veilcorp employees and a stop for any company VIPs. Hula Noodle became a hotspot for tourists trying to get a glimpse of the rich and famous, or Oeming himself. The rest, as they say, is history.

The recycling program began like so many things do at Hula Noodle, with Uncle Ralph’s vocal consternation. The issue that was troubling him this time was the amount of wasted food he was throwing away on a daily basis, and he let everyone know it. Bill Stewart, lead designer at Reality Machine, happened to be in the shop at the time and went back to talk to his team. “It was a no brainer,” Bill says. “We all love Hula Noodle and agreed that donating a RMIII to the shop would be a great idea. Having a place where thousands could see one of our machines working up close would be great for business, and we could show Ralph how to break down whatever customers left behind, instead of just throwing it away. I’d be lying if I said that we didn’t also have a laugh about what he’d throw in the recycling drawer when he got upset. We joked that we’d probably have to go down there one day to clear out a rude tourist who was jammed in the machine.”

A week later a working RMIII was up and running inside the shop. “I let my nephew dump the first half-eaten bowl of pho in the machine. He told some of his friends, and by the weekend I had a dozen kids asking if they could help me clean up,” Umeke says. A month later, what started as a novel way for Ralph to get rid of unwanted food and a fun exercise for a few local kids, has expanded into an educational program teaching the importance of recycling.

Umeke and another local business owner, Ano Lee, have partnered to create a unique recycling program many want to expand to other areas. Kids can use Umeke’s machine to recycle trash they’ve found along the beach and in the preservation zone and can deposit the raw materials in a special “Builder Bank” at Lee’s maker commune. “We have a big list of recipes for various things we thought the kids would like,” says Lee. Ranging from backpacks, to various toys and sporting equipment, or even fluorescent shoes, once a child has all the ingredients they need, Lee will demonstrate how it’s made and hand it over as a reward.

“I donate the CHON we get from all the excess food to local farms to use as feed of fertilizer,” says Umeke. “I have to admit that I have almost as much fun as the kids watching something get broken down into it’s core components. The kid’s love it and I’m proud of what Ano and I have come up with. I understand that we’re not going to change the world, but we’re definitely making our little part of it better. I think that’s all you can hope for. With all the tragedy​ in Lahaina over the past few years and Stonegate’s trainwreck she called the visitor restriction program, we could all use a story that we could feel good about. That’s what this is. A chance for all of us to come together and feel some pride in this jewel we call Lahaina and keep it sparkling.”

However, not everyone is sold. Preservation Zone Compliance Officer Elizabeth Stonegate has been a vocal critic of the program. “I rarely have the pleasure of eating at Hula Noodle myself, as I prefer a more spacious dining area and try to avoid people attempting to fight off a weekday hangover with a bowl of noodles. Nonetheless, I am concerned about any establishment that serves food a few feet away from a glorified garbage machine. I’m not sure I understand how the authorities have allowed this to go on for so long. Throngs of kids are breaking the rules daily by going off clearly marked trails to grab bits of trash and plastic bottles. Instead of punishing them and teaching them how vital it is that we all follow the rules, we are rewarding them with cheap plastic toys. I would be mortified if my children were out in public carrying around bags of other people’s garbage. As a society we pay people who have no other options to do that kind of work. We shouldn’t be encouraging our kids to do it.”

STORYLINE

Eric Oeming’s Personal Log: 9/26/2041

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My Dearest Tracy and Alohi,

It’s been 3,491 hours since they took you away from me, and I’ve felt every second. I can hardly believe that you’re not here but the pain in my head and the emptiness remind me that it’s true. I don’t have the words to describe the void inside me. Sometimes I feel like I didn’t survive the attack either, that I’m just the trappings of Eric Oeming limping through a world I don’t recognize.

Ralph gave your eulogies. I was still unconscious, but I’ve been told it was beautiful. He loved you very much, especially you Alohi. Did he ever miss a game or concert that you were in? I don’t think so but my memory isn’t the best yet. It’s been hard for him. He was the first to visit after I came home. We sat for a few hours together that night, not saying a word. I don’t think either of us knew what to say. It was all I could handle and exactly what I needed. He’d have made a great psychologist if he didn’t like pounding noodles so much.

As usual, Lisa has been covering for me at work. The board is in a panic and the media hasn’t helped. There’s a story this morning, “Can Veilcorp Go On Without Eric Oeming?” The real question is, can Eric Oeming go on without you two? I realize now that the answer to that is no.

It’s why I make them add the burns back to my face after my treatments. They hurt all the time but somehow that physical pain helps block the ache I feel inside. They keep me motivated. There was a time a few weeks after I woke up that I was sitting in bed full of pain meds, watching a tanager build a nest in the tree below my window. It was busy building and chirping angrily and any other bird that dared to perch near it. I smiled a little before I knew what I was doing, and it was like somebody had stabbed me in the heart.

My entire family was taken by a monster less than a month ago, and I was grinning like someone without a care in the world. For a few minutes, I’d forgotten that I had failed you. I hadn’t been careful enough. I hadn’t taken the threats seriously. I had dropped the ball and let someone hurt you. I was so ashamed, it burned inside so bad that I knew I could never let myself feel anything but regret until we were together again. They acted like I was crazy when I asked for them to add the burns back, but I need them to make sure I don’t forget again even if it’s just a few seconds.

I’ve read a book about common traits shared by people who have almost died. Most of it is drivel, but a few things stood out to me. They say that people who have lived through terrible accidents are often highly motivated after the experience and put a premium on the value of love in their lives. I have to admit that I always thought of love as a biological function, that’s not to say that love has no value or impact in someone’s life, It certainly does. I just thought of it as a series of chemical reactions in the brain, but now I’m not sure. I think the old Hawaiians had it right. Love isn’t a thing you feel, it’s what holds everything together. Without your love, I feel like my world is falling apart, and it’s all I can do to keep going. Most people can’t understand the kind of motivation I have. It would have been easy if it was my life that was lost, but I have a plan on how we can be together again.

They say that you can’t change the past, but I built a company based on what they said was impossible. The board wants me to make an appearance this weekend to reassure the stockholders. Lisa says that I can wait if I’m not ready, but I know they’ve been having meetings without me. Tomorrow is your birthday Alohi. You would have been 11, and we would have visited some far off place together and carried on our tradition of writing our names in the dirt. You said it meant that we would always be together, even if one of us was away. I promise that I’ll do everything I can to be with you and your mother again.

If they only knew what I was doing and how close I am to an answer, but close isn’t good enough. I’ll come back like they want. I’ll endure the gasps and stares when I walk the halls again. I’ll show them what they want to see and continue my work, but I’m not doing it for the board or shareholders, or even Ralph and Lisa. I’ll do it for you because I can’t imagine another minute apart let alone another year. I’ll do it for love because that’s the only thing that matters. I’ll see you both soon.

STORYLINE

New Service Promises To Travel the Veil and Quit Your Job For You

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A record number of people used Veil travel to get to a destination last year, but many of these travelers aren’t just taking vacations. More and more, people are using the Veil to get to work, as well as to have some fun in the sun. This has created a labor pool of unprecedented size for companies to choose from. Finding the talent that is the best fit for your organization has become a huge business. It’s never been a better time to be a recruiter. But one Hawaiian isn’t banking on matching you with your dream employer. In fact, he’s created a service that will quit your job for you.

According to the Hawaii Department of Labor, over 20,000 Hawaiians use Veil travel at least once a week to get to work, or for a work related project. In addition, at least double that number of employees come to the islands each week. With so many people going to work from so far away, many companies are including travel expenses in their starting packages. While this has made commuting to work easier than ever before, quitting that job can still be an uncomfortable exercise for many, that’s where Lahaina’s John Driscol comes in. For a fee, his “Break Time” service will help you leave your current job.

“I’ve always been really good at quitting things. Much to my wife and kid’s dismay, I don’t feel shame or get embarrassed like most people for some reason,” says Driscol.

“I recognized this talent early, when I wouldn’t regret not turning in homework or completing projects in school. Later, when I started dating, I would routinely use coupons on dates and ask to split the bills without an ounce of embarrassment. I continued to not complete my tasks when I was employed, while reaping the benefits of my team’s work, and eating any unattended lunches from the break room fridge guilt-free. It’s not that I’m a bad person; I’m not a law breaker. I just don’t care about social appropriateness, and I’m unwilling to do anything that I find tedious or boring. That’s why I’m so good at what I do. It doesn’t matter if a company paid you to move to a new city a week before, bent over backwards to accommodate you when there was an ongoing family emergency, or you’re in the middle of a vital project that dozens of others are counting on. I’ll get a hold of HR, and let them know that you’re not coming back. When you hire Break Time, you’ve hired the best quitters in the business.”

Break Time offers a number of quitting packages for those who are too uncomfortable to end their employment themselves. The most expensive option, with an eyebrow raising price tag of $4500, features Driscol himself Veiling to any location, and personally quitting your job while delivering a custom message to your employer. Why would anyone pay over $4000 just to quit a job you might ask? According to Driscol, “You’d be amazed at what people are willing to pay just to avoid confrontation. I’ve had over 20 clients in our first month alone.”

As you can imagine, news about the unusual service has elicited strong reactions amongst the public and the business community. “Uncle” Ralph Umeke owner of the famous Hula Noodle eatery, has been one of the loudest critics, but not because he fears that one of his employees would use the service. “It’s just lazy, and this generation has gotten lazy enough,” He says.

“A plant that grows without the wind pushing against it, grows thin and weak. The same is true of people. You need to experience resistance and problems in your life to grow, and gain the confidence that you need to handle the unexpected. No matter how much you try to shelter yourself from the ups and downs, life will find a way to get to you. If you don’t know how to dig yourself out of trouble you might get stuck. Eric Oeming is a dear friend of mine, and he has gone through more in the past few months than most will in their lifetime. Do you think he would have had the will to survive and overcome his injuries if he was the kind of person who avoided uncomfortable situations? If you can’t even gather up the emotional wherewithal to quit a job in person, what chance do you have when something serious happens to you. Life can be hard, but it can also be glorious. You need to face the storms head-on to enjoy the beauty of the calm after.”

While Uncle Ralph preaches the value of putting yourself in uncomfortable situations, Driscol says he plans to expand his service to personal relationships, as well as professional ones. “If all goes well, I’d like to expand Break Time into personal relationships as well. Family obligations can be hard and breakups can be even harder. It doesn’t matter if it’s a holiday invitation from your grandmother who endlessly talks about how lonely she is, or a significant other who helped you through a rough patch that you now find annoying. We’ll help you by telling them to take a hike. You’ll be able to sit in comfort while we sever any tie you’ve made. We’ll gladly take the knocks, and see the tears so you don’t have to.”

STORYLINE

Tracy and Alohi Oeming, Friends and Family, Died on May 4th, Aged 39 and 10

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It was Thanksgiving. The day of reckoning for her uncle Frank. The shed had been delivered in pieces months before and his procrastination had finally caught up to him. Her father and grandfather were out there too, feeling the tug of war between family obligation and watching the game on a warm couch. The first casualty in the shed war had been initiative. The second was the instruction booklet. Tracy watched the trio rummage through the lumber and hardware for hours. She listened to them argue and plan and could see that the shed would never be finished in time. Her aunt wondered aloud if it would be done before the first snow came or if it would have to spend the winter buried in the backyard. That was all 8-year-old Tracy had to hear. She grabbed her tablet and went outside to see what she could do. She quickly inventoried what they had and what they needed. She sent her uncle into the basement for some missing bolts and washers and sketched instructions for them to follow. Under her guidance the group not only finished the shed, but they finished in time to catch the last 5 minutes of the game. That was Tracy and that was the moment her family knew she was going to be an architect.

Tracy Sklodowska was born September 29, 2001 to David and Anna in Ithaca, New York. She was an only child who excelled in her studies from a young age. She loved working with her hands as well as her mind and would spend hours sketching buildings. In high school she developed a love of swimming and was talented enough to win a number of awards.

There were many offers after high school but there was no question about where she would go. Cornell had always been her dream and that is where she went on a full scholarship thanks to her swimming and grades. Never one to think small, Tracy decided that instead of focusing on individual structures she would focus on building cities. She started her graduate studies in urban planning at the University of Michigan and was planning her next 5 years when she ran into something unexpected, a young physics professor named Eric Oeming.

“A physics professor? Why couldn’t you find a lawyer or a MBA? What kind of future are you two going to have?” her grandmother asked when she learned about their relationship. Proof positive that wisdom does not always come with age. Tracy split her time in those years working on projects in Maui and spending time with Eric. She told me once that meeting Eric was like discovering you had another arm that had just been asleep for a long time. The two fell deeply in love and were married as soon as she graduated from U of M.

Those who knew Tracy well would be the first to tell you that she was never a big fan of relaxing, but there was something about the Hawaiian spirit that fit her. She fell in love with the Lahaina area during her studies and introduced Eric to the land that they would eventually call home. While we all know how successful the pair became, she was not a fan of the limelight and tried carefully to provide a “normal” life for herself and her family. I assume in the next few days the extent of her philanthropic work will come to light and people are going to be surprised that they hadn’t heard about it before. That was the way she wanted it. Tracy didn’t do the work she did for acknowledgment or accolades. She did it because she was able to.

While her husband and daughter were well known fixtures in Lahaina and my noodle shop, Tracy rarely walked around downtown, preferring to avoid the cameras and questions. The locals would recognize her but most tourists and reporters wouldn’t. One day she came in for a quick bite and there was a guy in front of her who had been enjoying one of our beach bars a little too much for his own good. He started talking loudly about how he was sick of that Oeming guy always talking about how great he was. He complained that he couldn’t watch the news anymore because the guy was always on and bragging. He said his wife must have an endless supply of earplugs and rum. Before I could throw him out, Tracy gave me a little wave of her hand and said, “I know! Forget him and his precious awards. They should give that lady a Nobel for having to listen to that blowhard every day. Imagine how much we’d have to hear him if he didn’t have a wife and family to come home to. They should make her a saint,” and sat down next to the guy without missing a beat. I don’t know that I ever laughed so hard in my life. That was Tracy. She was a smile that didn’t ask for anything and gave everything in return.

2030 was a big year for the Oemings. Their daughter Alohi was born September 27, 2030, only missing her mother’s birthday by a couple of days and Eric won his Nobel prize. When Tracy was very young her aunt asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. The normally analytical girl uncharacteristically answered, “the sun, because it’s the brightest star.” Her family teased her about it often, and joked that they hoped her first born was a boy so she could name him “Sun”. Alohi means shining in Hawaiian, and man did she shine.

She was only a few months old when her family moved to Hawaii but she was born with an islander’s spirit. Alohi was an amazingly creative young woman who never shied away from a new experience, as if there was such a thing to her. When you’re the daughter of the man who invented a way to travel anywhere across the globe instantaneously, you end up visiting a lot of new places. Marco Polo and Magellan wish they were as well traveled as Alohi.

She had a passion for birds and loved walking the trails of the preservation zone on the hunt for rare species. She would come into the shop and tell me all about her favorite exotic birds and where she was when saw them. She kept a collection of their songs in her Ceremplant and could identify them all by ear. We used to play a game where I would pick one at random to see if she knew what it was. I could never stump her, not even once. But it wasn’t just nature and world travel for her, she loved making things with her hands just like her mom.

She loved going up to the local maker commune to see what those guys had come up with next. Let me tell you, talking to some of those guys would give anyone pause but not Alohi. She had seen so much in her brief time here with us that she never approached anyone or anything hesitantly. It never occurred to her that something might not be possible. It offers me some solace to know that she never will. If her mother was a smile Alohi was the feeling you got when you smiled. Being a part of her life made me feel proud somehow. I will always hold that honor dear.

Tracy and Alohi gave me many gifts in my life. The gift that I hold most precious was their friendship. The only thing I can give them now is a meager gift, my words. I’ve tried to articulate them as well as I could here, in the impossible hope that they could convey how truly rare and bright the two were. They had become part of my family and I feel immense sorrow that more of you will never have the joy of knowing them as I have. Goodnight my sistahs, memories of you will shine in our hearts forever.