STORYLINE

Staff Captain Henrik’s Log of the MS Joy on 2/17/2051

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6:00 am- Fair weather and calm seas. I have reviewed maintenance and inventory reports. The Joy is holding up well despite what we have been through. Food is almost gone. Water reserves are marginal. Fuel is low. Crew spirits continue to wane. I will put out another distress call this afternoon. I find the time before the authors wake pleasing. I miss Cruise Director Amy. She was an effective barrier to their nonsense.

7:00 am- Crew mess was unusually quiet today. We all know that we are most certainly doomed. I wait for someone to suggest that we end the cruise charade. Nobody has in the past 4 months since the accident and they don’t toady. I chew on what must be close to the last of the powdered eggs and wonder how many others might be left. The coffee is tolerable today, hopefully a good sign.

8:00 am- Complete my visual inspection of the ship. Meet with the station heads and make a plan for the day. We need to explore the Southern end of the island for fuel and water. Have had good luck there with the survivors. We need to find a boat that wasn’t so lucky. I believe it’s still too dangerous to dock. It won’t be long now. My least favorite part of the day. Soon I will endure a fresh round of complaints and ideas.

9:30 am- Mary is nothing if not consistent. Today they are upset that the buffets have ended. I maintain my composure as she tells me about how she was forced to eat beverage garnishes as a side dish with last nights meal. I try and imagine what would happen to a sailor who complained to his captain that he didn’t like his meal or that he didn’t appreciate being served a slice of fruit. I don’t blame them entirely. They can’t help it. As romance authors they live in a world that doesn’t resemble the one outside. I remind myself that they got onboard to live a dream and it’s turned into a nightmare. It is our job to help them get through this as well as we can. I noticeably grimace when she complains about the Amazing Dan not having any new card tricks. He remains the only entertainer to survive and stay onboard. Magic is for children and people who delight in being tricked. Nobody is as sick of Dan’s act as Dan.

11:00 am- Dark skies to the West. The wind has begun to pick up as well. The weather has been unpredictable since the fracture. Storms appear from nowhere, strange colored rain and lightning. The currents have shifted as well. We may have to put our trip to the South on hold and find some protection from the wind if it continues to build.

11:45 am– Despite numerous requests, Mary walks into the bridge and says she would, “Like to be put in a situation where she could get some fresh flowers in the next few days.” She says the deck chairs could use some sprucing up too. She continues to talk for the next 10 minutes about how the world will need love to properly heal itself. I stare at the horizon and nod my head at the appropriate times. She asks if we plan on showing a movie tonight or if we’re still rationing electricity. The movies provide much needed respite for the crew and I. I am determined to find more fuel.

1:00 pm- The winds remain but haven’t built and the sky is a dark steel color. The crew and I decided to skip lunch until we reach the next harbor. The weather looks good enough to try a run. Course is plotted and we head out while the authors eat.

1:30 pm- Something is wrong with the water. It is churning and bubbling in spots. Our speed has been reduced to 10 knots. Everyone is worried, but we’re too far into it now. The wind has picked up considerably and there is lightning in the distance. Waves continue to build. I sound the alarm and cut their repast short. I hope I live to hear their complaints this evening.

1:45 pm- Water seems thick, slowing us down considerably. We are at a crawl. Strange colored foam around the ship. We reverse to try and catch the current and put some distance between us and the storm. It is a mistake. The Joy lurches backwards and rises up a wave. I stare at the sky through the bridge window and worry for a moment that we might break in half. We slide down the wave and spin sideways. Everyone is thrown to the floor as the ship tilts. Wind blowing against us and hit broadside by a huge wave. The engines are still in reverse but we’re caught. We rise up as a gigantic swell forms beneath. I tell the bridge crew that it has been an honor to work with them as I watch the cliff-face quickly get closer.

2:15 pm- The storm ends as abruptly as it began. Nothing normal. Damn veil. The Joy’s journey is finally over. She didn’t collide as much as merge with the shore. The bow is crushed, multiple holes in her sides. We end up resting against the cliff, keeping us from tipping over. I do the headcount myself after the crew tells me we only lost one. We will all miss the Amazing Dan in our own way.

4:00 pm- Mary seems determined to explore inland for help. After some discussion with the crew, it is agreed that we will join her and the others. She says, “A cruise ship full of romance authors surviving a global apocalypse and a collision with a cliff is not luck; it’s living proof of the power of love.” I’m convinced now that I’m making the right decision. They have no chance without us.

Henrik Rasmussen
Staff Captain

MS Joy

STORYLINE

Civilization is ending but your job doesn’t have to

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Good afternoon SSB&P employees. As I’m sure you’re aware the world is in upheaval. The veils of reality are in a state of flux, governments are disbanding, and there has been death and destruction on a scale that is difficult to comprehend. We understand that many of you want to spend your final hours with loved ones or mark off as much of your bucket list as possible. Before you do, let me ask you a question. What if I told you that we’ve made some adjustments to the org chart and there’s a spot on it for you!

The New York and Seattle offices seem to be lost but as you know, we believe in turning problems into solutions here at SSB&P. In that spirit, I have merged what is left of the marketing department with legal and have taken control of everything above the executive mezzanine. Unfortunately, we had to let Sandy from HR go. I think we can all agree that she was a wonderful woman, but was far too naïve to be trusted with our future success. The cafeteria is now held by Phil from maintenance and most of the janitorial crew. For certain considerations, Phil has agreed to offer nourishing meals and refreshing drinks as long as supplies last. All employees who find themselves with a position on the new chart are welcome to enjoy the safety and relaxation of the cafe.

Make no mistake, Brian or anyone else from the mailroom, we will end you if we find where you’re hiding. It is beyond me why you thought you had what it took to take on the management team. We have years of ziplining and trust falls to bind us together. Let me assure you that Phil has made the cafeteria quite secure and it would be in your best interest to exit the building. Just in case you’re foolish enough to try another hostile takeover, I am offering a guaranteed place on the org chart for anyone bringing me Brian or any other former mailroom employee.

Our transition team is putting together welcome packs and Phil will be giving some basic hand-to-hand instruction in conference room B later today. All employees will be able to carry over vacation and sick time as well as any profit-sharing agreements. With all the chaos going on out there wouldn’t you appreciate some stability? The world may be forever changed but your employment doesn’t have to. Get on up to the 10th floor and let us know that you want to be part of the new team! Anyone caught inside after dark without a welcome packet will be terminated.

When one door closes another one opens. We just had a really big door close on us but I am confident the best is yet to come. With your hard work and attention, I believe we can become the first cross-dimensional law firm. The opportunity is deeper than deep, it’s infinite!

STORYLINE

VeilWatch Claims proof of secret human-127 testing program, threatens a midnight release

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People across the globe are expressing shock, anger, and disbelief over allegations from VeilWatch that Veilcorp and the U.S. government conducted a secret human-127 testing program in 2022. The watchdog group says they will release a full report at midnight unless the company agrees to halt all operations, and an independent government investigation is begun.

The study of 127 (unbiseptium), the element that makes veil travel possible, has a long and controversial history. Environmentalists have questioned its safety since a containment breach at a test facility in Iowa caused the mass evacuation of thousands and the destruction of several acres of crops surrounding the area in March 2023. The human testing program allegedly began months before.

These claims come hot on the heels of a leaked report from an investigator at the Department of Land and Natural Resources in Hawaii, linking an increase in 127 exposure to abnormalities in a number of plants and animals. Veilcorp denied those allegations producing a number of impact studies.

Complaints have not been isolated to Hawaii however. Since Veilcorp’s successful Icarus project increased the production of 127, reports have been pouring into various government and health agencies about adverse effects. Government officials claim that there is no need to worry and Veilcorp officials say that they have done everything possible to ensure the public’s safety. They vehemently deny these new allegations.

Spokesperson Lisa Hunt says,

“These allegations would be laughable if they weren’t so disgusting. I think the public needs to remember that this is the same organization that claimed to have proof that we had discovered a secret Nazi base in the arctic, and had moved all of our R&D there in 2040. Also, please don’t forget that in 2043 the sleuths at VeilWatch claimed to have evidence that our technology was the result of a pact Dr. Oeming had with the aliens who live on Nibiru. Nibiru of course is the mystery planet that enters our solar system every 3,600 years. We naturally expected VeilWatch to release our plans for a distribution hub in Atlantis next. The truth is that VeiWatch will release anything sent their way no matter how ridiculous or bizarre, but they have crossed a line this time. This is clearly nothing more than a distasteful smear campaign. We urge the public to consider the messenger when it comes to these charges, and urge government officials to take action against these reprehensible claims.”

VeilWatch founder Tim Durney counters that the full report has been released to key officials and has been thoroughly vetted.

“I was there in Iowa and saw how carelessly they acted. During the investigation it became clear to me that the government and Veilcorp were hopelessly entangled but I had no idea just how deep and dark their dealings were. According to these reports Veilcorp and the government started testing the effects of 127 exposure on people almost a year before the accident in Iowa. They knew how dangerous it was and didn’t warn anyone. Some of the findings in this report are incredible. I’m not going to get into specifics unless our demands aren’t met, but I will tell you that the research and findings described in these documents are right out of a sci-fi or horror movie. I have no doubt that the particulars will be shared with the public in the coming months. I think this is really going to open some eyes and people aren’t going to like what they learn.”

Experts seem split currently on what to make about these new allegations. Some share Hunt’s sentiments about some of the more outrageous claims made by VeilWatch over the years. Other’s say this time is different, as there has been some acknowledgment this morning from a number of officials that some sort of program existed. It remains to be seen what that program entailed and if it indeed involved human testing.

STORYLINE

Trial of Cult Leader Involved In Newuskin Robberies begins in Maui

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All eyes were turned toward the Second Circuit Court in Maui today as the trial of alleged cult leader Sebastian Malu began. Malu and members of his group, the Eternal Cycle, are accused of breaking into a Newuskin facility in Lahaina and stealing a large quantity of biological materials. The group claims that they were simply trying to perform proper services over what they consider are human remains.

The Eternal Cycle was founded in early 2047 in response to the cutting-edge beautifying treatment, Newuskin. Parent company Vereserum calls the technology the best tool available to combat the aging process. Sebastian and the group claim that the process is something much more ghoulish.

According to prosecutors, Malu and an unnamed group of his followers broke into the Kokua Wellness Center and Spa in Lahaina, and destroyed equipment including a number of Newuskin devices. In addition, they contend that members of the Eternal Cycle stole a large quantity of biological material set for disposal and refuse to disclose the location or disposition of said materials. Sebastian says that the so-called “biological material” is actually human remains.

Representing himself, Malu’s opening statement said in part,

“What Vereserum is offering goes well beyond a simple beauty treatment. They are trying to pass off a Newuskin procedure as nothing more than a glorified facial peel or teeth whitening. What they are doing is much more insidious. They refuse to discuss that this process involves full organ and sometimes body replacement. I will present company sales materials proving that they demand their partners not discuss this ugly fact with the public. In essence, a Newuskin procedure results in the death of a person created from the innate energy that runs through all things in the universe, and the construction of a new false body for vanity. Vereserum wants to mask this fact through legalese and technicalities. They know what they are doing goes against nature and common decency. They are trying to hide it from the public by demanding that the discarded bodies resulting from their unnatural procedure be immediately cremated. We are not using these bodies in perverse or disrespectful ways, or profiting from their sale as some at Kokua have been for the past year. We are simply trying to give the vital spirit and energies trapped inside these abandoned vessels a proper release back into the eternal cycle.”

Malu is referring to a scandal at the Kokua Wellness Center earlier this year where a federal sting operation discovered an individual who was selling leftover Newuskin materials to a wide variety of individuals, including biotech companies and collectors of the macabre. Details of the investigation remain sealed, presumably because of some connection to the Eternal Cycle case. Opponents of the Newuskin procedures say that this is an untalked about, but common practice for facilities that offer the treatments. Vereserum disagrees, and vehemently denies those accusations, taking issue with Malu’s characterization of the Nuuskin procedure.

Company spokesman and CTO Ryan Mandal says that while there have been some unfortunate circumstances surrounding this one facility, on the whole, Newuskin technology is safe and ethical, and the facilities that offer the procedures are secure and professional. He says,

“This technology has a 2 year proven track record and with many years of previous government scrutiny. We take pride in offering a conscientious and safe procedure to every customer who chooses to go through the Newuskin process. The individual who was selling jarred feet at the Lahaina facility was not representative of the high standards our partners and we strive to maintain. They have been dealt with according to the rules of law. For Sebastian to suggest that we are somehow stockpiling bodies like cordwood is as ridiculous as his defense in this case. While it is true that our procedure does involve the reconstruction or replacement of some biological tissues in our customers, the leftover materials are not people anymore than a pulled tooth or removed tumor is. By any reasonable measure both legally and morally, the Eternal Cycle are wrong and we are confident that the criminal justice system will help them see the error of their ways.”

Most legal experts agree with Mandal but say that Malu is probably not interested in winning the case legally, but instead exposing some of the lesser-known facts about the beauty procedure. In that case, he might have already won. The Newuskin facility in Lahaina has been temporarily closed and there have been calls for further investigations into Vereserum and the procedure at the capital. The case is expected to finish in a few weeks but the questions about Newuskin raised are likely to last much longer.

STORYLINE

Your Food Delivery Service Is Pretty Awesome!

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Hello business dudes and dudettes. I thought I’d take a moment to share just how awesome your Hailoha Eats service is. It’s changed the way I eat. I mean not the way I physically eat; I still do it with my mouth and stuff. I mean the way I look forward to my meals everyday. I’m an artist, but I never thought of food as art before. You’ve really opened my eyes. Nothing is perfect though, so I’d like to suggest a few improvements along with my praise.

When I saw the flyer about Hailoha partnering with Veilcorp to make a pilot food delivery service I was confused as to how they’d get the food up there to them. Then my buddy explained that in this case pilot meant like a one time thing to see if it worked and had nothing to do with flying. That made a lot more sense so I thought we’d give it a try.

One of the things I liked right away was that it was a 24/7 kind of thing. That fit perfectly with my lifestyle. I’m currently taking a break from the rat race that was art school and spending some much needed recharge time at my mom’s beach house. I spend a lot of time relaxing with my friends and just trying to be chill. This really messes up my eating schedule. It’s hard to find a place that serves breakfast when you don’t get up until noon. Sometimes we chill so hard that we forget to eat until our bellies are rumbling at 3am or something, and before your service we’d just have to stay awake until the sun came up and the cafe’s opened.

I won’t lie, I was a little shocked at the prices but I get a pretty good chunk of change from my trust fund every 3 months so I can afford it. I’m not saying that it’s too expensive, I guess. All the food is Veiled over to the island from across the world so I guess that takes a lot of organization and working together. I hate having to go down to the store with everyone’s drink order so I can’t imagine what a hassle working with thousands of restaurants across the world is.

At first we played this game where we’d pick a 3 course meal at random. I’d spin the globe in the study, close my eyes and stop it with a finger until we had places to order from. We ate a lot of weird stuff that way, but we also got to try things we normally wouldn’t. It was kinda fun but then we hit gold with the holy trinity of food. Nothing, I repeat nothing finishes a hard day of hanging out like a savory Moroccan pigeon tagine, followed with some chili crab from Singapore for heat, and some sweet Argentinian dulce de leche empanadas. We’ve had it every night for almost 2 weeks now. There’s no way anyone could complain in good conscience about prices after experiencing that meal. It’s like having the gods of flavor dance on your tongue.

I didn’t think it would be at first, but being able to pick your delivery driver has turned into a huge plus for me. The first guy that showed up was late and left his brights on when he came to the door which is a huge foul. Cold food and blinding light was not how I wanted my night to wrap up. Then we had a lady that just wanted to talk about everything. She wanted to know where we were from and all kinds of stuff. Greg got freaked out and ran into his room. It took about an hour for all the tension to leave after she did. Then we got Mark. That dude was born to deliver food. He calls to confirm when he is on his way so nobody who forgot we ordered food is surprised. He turns off the lights before he turns into the driveway, it’s like he thinks of everything. He even leaves a handful of peppermint candies with every order. Mark is a huge part of why we use your service every day.

The onsite cameras are a mixed bag for me. At first I appreciated the monotony of watching people prep and make food during the middle of the night. Having something I could zone out on was cool and especially useful if I’d been partying too hard. The problem was that we’d occasionally see stuff that wasn’t so appetizing. It turned out that the overnight guy at our favorite pizza shop had a itch he couldn’t seem to scratch no matter how hard he tried, and man did he try. He scratched himself often and everywhere. The pies just didn’t taste the same after we saw how they were made. We also had a custom cake place we used to get dessert from all the time until we saw that the head baker liked to keep his hands warm inside his assistants pants. They’d go at it on the prep tables making adultery angels in the piles of flour. When we saw that they’d still use the flour, we stopped ordering pastries. I filled out all the proper complaint forms of course, but I guess I’m just the kind of guy who believes ignorance is bliss.

So there it is. Maybe have a no camera option so people don’t get caught going down that rabbit hole and more Mark. Leave everything else the same. Feel free to pass my feedback on down the line. If you’re ever looking for someone to do like testimonials or be a spokesperson or something hit me up. I’m pretty articulate and a good looking dude who could use a side gig that doesn’t take too long. My chili crab bill is starting to get crazy.

Very satisfied customer,
Jake Tripper

STORYLINE

We Need to rethink these discount trips

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from: Richard Brace

to: Lisa Hunt
date: Fri, June 5, 2048 at 5:53 PM
subject: Unintended Consequences of our Lowered Pricing

Hi Lisa.

I’m sorry to contact you about this, but we both know that Eric isn’t himself these days, and I’ve sent numerous messages up the chain with no response. I just want to make sure that someone with the power to make a decision is aware of the state of things. Since we’ve known each other for years, and you’re effectively in charge now, I thought I’d reach out. Don’t worry, I won’t make a habit of it.

I understand that Icarus was a great success. We’ve been getting regular 127 shipments, and the stockpile is really impressive. The other day one of the guys in operations calculated that we had enough in storage to send every man, woman, and child on earth through the veil almost 4 times. I also have a basic understanding of economics. Since the cost of powering everything is so low it makes sense to pass the cost reduction down to our customers, but that’s the problem. Making things cheaper for everyone else is eating away at my budget faster than I can keep up.

As the head of Safety and Facilities here in Lahaina I’ve seen a huge increase in damages, injury claims, and a big blow to our image. I’m sure an accountant somewhere made the case that if we lower the price by half, we could triple the amount of travelers and shipments. On paper it makes sense, but I don’t think they’ve considered all the ramifications. In the past I’ve been a big believer in toeing the company line when it comes to the social benefits of letting all people travel freely, but these discount customers are changing my mind. The increase in headcount we now need to run smoothly has to be eating most of that revenue increase. If you couple that with the hit we’re taking to our reputation, I can’t imagine we’re ahead at all.

Even with the quota law in place here on the island we are getting a long line of unsavory individuals veiling in every day. You wouldn’t believe the number of people who come through for day trips without shirts or shoes on. When I first started, veil travel was a luxury. People appreciated it. Did you ever have a really nice bike or toy when you were a kid? Do you remember how well you took care of it? It’s human nature to respect something that costs a lot, and to not worry about things that are cheap. We have become cheap and it’s hurting our brand. Some of these people have less respect for us than they do for a convenience store. The increase in settlements from people slipping or stepping on glass has forced me to double the full time cleaning crew and they still can’t keep up with the traffic.

The lobby is starting to look like a bus station. I don’t have enough crew to deal with the increase of travellers, and nobody seems interested in giving me a bigger budget. We have to deal with numerous cases of people using the facility as a flop house, or unruly drunks using us for pub crawls every day now. A group came through recently that thought it would be a good idea to climb the sculptures. One of them was literally swinging from the chandeliers before we got him down. If we can’t get more security staff in soon we’re going to become a buffet table for personal injury lawyers. Do you have any idea what our liability would have been if he fell and broke his back? Are we looking to change our Company motto to “Here, hold my beer. Watch this”?

Intoxicated customers falling from the sky isn’t the worst of it though. Yesterday I saw that someone sent a babyseat through with baby included. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Evidently, the mother has been sending the infant this way for months because of a shared custody order. With the lowered prices, it’s just more “convenient” for her to make the exchange this way. Her ex showed up minutes later, but for a few terrifying moments my crew was responsible for the welfare of a baby, and evidently it wasn’t the first time! I called the authorities but that’s not really the point. It’s clear to me that we are one bad day away from a PR disaster.

I’ve even heard rumors that we’re going to start a food delivery service soon. Please tell me that isn’t true. Since the price adjustment we have seen an almost 400% increase in the number of packages arriving through our shipping service. I can assure you that we haven’t had a similar increase in the amount of inspectors. I worry everyday about the Feds finding a huge drug cache or worse, not finding some sort of explosive device. With our enemies in congress we should be worried about the Feds sending something like that themselves to test the system. Right now I don’t think we’d pass the test. Can you imagine what would happen if some of the food we transported made someone sick? They’d rake us over the coals in the media, and they’d be right.

At the very least I need enough budget to cover all the cracks that are spreading across our operations. I feel like I’m being set up to fail right now. Maybe I’m just stuck in the past when I think about this place. Veiling used to be an extravagance. The station used to command a certain amount of awe and respect, and now we’re slowly turning into a glorified taxi service. This can’t be good for our bottom line.

STORYLINE

Join Veil Ed In Taking Education Transdimensional

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Congratulations! It has been determined that your company would be a suitable partner in Veil Ed’s exciting new project, the Write Board(™). This exciting new piece of technology is sure to change the game when it comes to distance learning and collaborative education. We can’t do it alone however, and would like to offer you a chance to show the world how committed you are to making it a better place. Please consider helping us to take education transdimensional!

Veil Ed, a subsidiary of Veilcorp, has one simple mandate, to make learning better through the use of gateway technology. The Write Board(™) has been designed to be the single most powerful sharing tool ever created. Mankind has spent over 5,000 years trying to perfect the written language. With your help, we can complete the task by the end of the year.

At this point you may be asking, “What makes the Write Board(™) different from other collaborative tools that claim to be similar?” Good question. It’s only different in the same way that traveling on muleback to the next town over is different than veiling across a continent.

According to our preliminary studies and extensive paid surveys, we’ve found that one of the biggest issues in education from our children’s perspective is trust. From the time they are born our children are being fed misinformation. Whether it be mammals leaving colorful eggs for discovery, to a wide range of supernatural beings who exchange gifts for agreeable behaviors or teeth, even the time honored “you can be anything you want to be when you grow up”, all of these lies can be confusing for a growing mind. We’ve found that they leave a simmering level of distrust in children and that’s just the lies at home.

We teach our kids about explorers who discovered distant lands that already had native populations, hundreds of years after other lesser known cultures built outposts there. We teach math and science concepts that are in constant revision, and even the dictionary has new words added every year. With the facts constantly changing it’s no wonder that our young people are so suspicious. That is where the Write Board(™) comes in.

Unlike the archaic white board designs offered by others, the Write Board(™) is an actual physical board that travels back and forth between individuals using our veil technology. Children can experience the original writings and fully appreciate each line and stroke of the pen as it was actually intended, not a computer generated facsimile. Your child can express their thoughts on the same board as an expert, in an authentic collaborative learning experience.

You might be asking, Is that really any better than what is available now? In short, the answer is a resounding Yes! You wouldn’t ask if listening to a symphony in person was any better than listening to one on your favorite music device would you? We think your child’s education is at least as important as a holiday concert. We believe that to truly understand the meaning of a written word or concept, you need to study it in its original form, not through a mechanical copying process .

Other shared board systems rely on having an internet connection, but not the Write Board(™). Don’t let your child’s mind be restrained by bandwidth problems. Reality never suffers from latency issues and neither does this technology. Our system works anywhere and everywhere. As long as the child is someplace in the real world, we can deliver a “best in the world” learning experience.

“This all sounds acceptable to me, but I’m not sure how I can help,” you might say. We got you covered. Our business and marketing team has already targeted you for this email so you must have something we want! We’ve already gone through all your publically available information and have a basic plan in mind. Simply respond, and we’ll get the ball rolling. After you’ve signed the initial agreements, we encourage you to fill out the detailed disclosure forms for our advanced partner program. Once we know every detail of your business, we’ll be better able to tell you how you can help and you’ll get your choice of premium branding spots.

“But what if the idea of smarter kids makes me uneasy?” you might ask. Don’t worry, you just need to focus on the tax deductible nature of our partnership. Veil Ed has a team of the finest accountants and tax lawyers ever assembled who are more than capable of maximizing the financial benefits of our partnership. Just because you never cared about children or their education before doesn’t mean you can’t purport to now. Please join us in this tax deductible education adventure.

The Write Board(™) is a game changer. Don’t get caught standing on the wrong side of the history taught to our children. Join Veil Ed and come in for the big win! Together we can take education transdimensional!

STORYLINE

You need to Let me deface your building

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Hello marketing person or entry level communication drone dying inside, and forced to sort out any “unpleasantness” from the public discourse for his boss. If the drone is still reading this, I urge you to reevaluate your life so far. How much can you possibly be making? What do you think being told you’re a terrible person a thousand times a year does to someone? I’m sure those honest few minutes each morning in the shower before the water washes away your tears tells you everything you need to know. Do yourself, and me a favor and pass this on to someone who isn’t a loser. If this is someone in marketing. let me get to the point, you are hurting my brand. When you hurt my brand you are ultimately hurting yours. It’s easy. Just in case you don’t get it yet, let me try and explain it to you.

I don’t think you know who I am and what I’m trying to do for both of us and that has become a problem. Let me try and clear it up for you. I am the famous, some say infamous, artist St. Skribillz. Some call me a graffiti artist, or a street artist but I don’t like to limit myself with labels. I apologize that I can’t talk directly with you or call on the phone. It’s important for the persona that I remain anonymous.

I’m sure you’ve heard of the “Illz” campaign that I started 3 years ago. One of the many documentaries about me has called it “The most subversively humorous, and expertly advertised social commentary about the folly of man since the invention of paint.” I have graced over a dozen corporations and organizations with my crafted critiques. In the process, my work has helped thousands. I donate a portion of the sale of each work after I have it removed from your facility. In turn, you get to say that I have defaced a portion of your property. The establishment gets mad and offers to throw you some support, and your name gets out there to all the kids. No press is bad press. Am I right? I’m not sure what you’re not getting. Even the religious groups I’ve condemned have played ball so far.

One of the first targets of the Illz project was your giant veil station in Lahaina. It took me all night to get the geometry of that many toilets in two places at once correct. Don’t get me started about how bad the lighting was the following morning. What is usually a well rehearsed 2 hours of documenting and promoting stretched into the early afternoon. Then I heard later on in the jet that the piece had been removed already. I thought you just didn’t get what I was doing, and would wise up on another attempt.

A year later I found myself back on the island and tried again. Imagine my surprise when it happened again. At first I thought the issue was my assistant Tim. I had updated my paints after the earthquake had destroyed my work in China. When I saw what the hoses and rubble had done to my baby I almost lost it. I still get a little choked up about how faded the color looked after that terrible day. I was so ashamed of the quality of that piece that I never put it up for sale. Anyway, I was sure you wouldn’t be able to clean off my new paints in such a short time, so it had to be Tim.

He had been acting weird in the days leading up to my second attempt. He didn’t tip the Hailoha driver and then told me he did. He was late with his marketing and social trending reports, and worst of all he was taking pictures of things other than the work in order to throw me off. “This place is gorgeous,” he said while snapping away pictures on the beach. As if nature could come close to the level of beauty that staged lighting, vibrant scientifically created colors, and my expert hand affords. When the news crew we had tipped off reported that my accomplishment had disappeared within 24 hours again, I assumed Tim had colluded with you to have the mural cut out and sold.

I’m not especially proud of what happened in the subsequent 2 months. Mistakes were made, but I have learned a lot and growth is important to an artist. I had Tim followed and may have allegedly monitored his communications. The tracking system we put in his car didn’t really reveal anything so I may have allegedly hired people to physically follow him around and report directly to me. Tim was always a little paranoid, so he may have been on edge already after discovering the listening device in his apartment. I guess guys in a SUV following him around was too much for him. I regret the high-speed chase, but the investigation that followed helped me understand that Tim wasn’t involved with the disappearance of my art, and he’ll have full mobility again in a few more months.

Third time’s a charm they say, so I decided to end what has been my most successful art enterprise with you, the biggest and most controversial company on the planet. This time however, I was going to wait around with the crew until the media showed up. I couldn’t imagine that you’d break the social contract between exploitative megacorporation and artistic opportunist again.

Then, even before the local paper showed up, along comes a little old man dragging a power sprayer. As I said, my paints are expensive and earthquake proof now so I wasn’t worried. But before I could stop him, the guy had erased hours of work with one pass of the sprayer. I asked what the hell he had loaded in that thing but he said it was just water. He then explained that the whole damn building had some sort of coating that was resistant to stains and plant growth.

Don’t you think that is something you should talk about more? Maybe mention it on your website? My work is important. Maybe I’m not a gigantic company with thousands of facilities worldwide but I have a following of almost 100 million on social media. Have you checked your’s lately? I have, and it could use a boost. I’m going to be in town for another couple days and I’m willing to try vandalizing your building one last time. I usually don’t like to schedule guerilla art but maybe that’s what needed in this case. Lets help each other’s brands with some positive outrage!

Saint Skribillz

Champion of the Truth
Painter of the People

STORYLINE

Veilcorp Begins Massive Urchin Restoration Project

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For hundreds of years the Hawaiian islands have had a problem with invasive species. From the introduction of rats and feral pigs, to more recent invaders like the brown tree snake and coconut rhinoceros beetle, all have had a major impact on island ecology. Invasive species aren’t just confined to terrestrial areas either. For decades the waters around Hawaii have been plagued with invasive algae that crowds out native sea plants and smothers coral, leading to massive reef destruction. Many different plans have tried to deal with the issue over the years, but a new Veilcorp project aims to solve it once and for all while offering a new hope for another species.

Kappaphycus and Eucheuma algae were brought to the islands by farmers working for the carrageenan industry, a chemical important in the making of a wide variety of products including food additives, lubricants, and cosmetics. The accidental release of the algae threatened numerous native plants, and miles of coral reefs popular for snorkeling. In 2005, NOAA worked with the State of Hawaii and the Nature Conservancy to fund and create a possible solution called the Super Sucker project. Divers would use a large suction hose to help them clean the reefs of the algae. The device was faster than doing it by hand, but it was still a painstaking process.

Eventually the State of Hawaii Division of Aquatic Resources began to grow and release native sea urchins around areas most endangered by the algae. Since even the smallest piece of algae left could quickly regrow, It was hoped that the urchins could clean the reefs better than divers. The project had mixed results for a number of reasons, but Veilcorp scientists says they’ve worked out the kinks and have a new urchin plan backed by federal authorities.

According to Veilcorp, the problem with the old project was one of numbers. The state run project would raise urchins in the lab from larva to maturity, a process that would take an urchin 4-5 months to grow. Working in conjunction with NOAA biologists, the company says that they have created a hybrid that can mature in half the time. In addition, Veilcorp officials say that the old program would release urchins in numbers that could clear only small areas. They plan on increasing those numbers in a very large way.

“The old state run program was well intentioned but shackled from the beginning,” says spokesperson Lisa Hunt. “They were releasing hundreds or thousands at a time which was fine if you wanted to clean a certain area for a few weeks. We want to solve the problem forever, and restore the urchin population to their original pre-colonial numbers. The urchin is an important food source for many animals such as lobster and octopus, not to mention people. We plan on releasing millions by years end. We hope the people of Hawaii will receive our gift of better fishing, clean reefs, and uni on every table with the spirit it was given” adds Hunt.

That spirit is not so benevolent according to some however. Mayor of the County of Maui Albert Cravalho says the project is payback for a recent suit filed against the company after a failed rail project.

“Veilcorp pulled out of our inter island rail project after 4 years of planning because it was no longer convenient for them. They left us holding the bag so we had no choice but to seek relief in the courts. I find it laughable that this new project was announced 3 months to the day that we filed our suit. Just look where they plan to release the urchins. It’s places that many local businesses use for beach activities. I assure you that tourists aren’t going to want to spend half their day pulling spines out of their feet. One of the locations is miles away from any reef. Their motivations couldn’t be any clearer! The numbers they plan on dumping are ridiculous too. I haven’t been able to find any biologist not on the Veilcorp payroll who thinks that these waters would be better off with the addition of millions of urchins.”

Veilcorp officials say that the locations picked for the urchin release were chosen with such considerations as currents and underwater obstacles to ensure “a rapid and even distribution of urchins to cover all problem areas.” They deny the claims made by opponents and say that the population numbers they are using are based on historic records from early settlers.

“We have early accounts that claim certain bays were filled with urchins as far as the eye could see. We have spent years taking hits from environmentalists about supposed damages that we have caused in the areas around our facilities. Now, after we try and restore an area to its natural state we are accused of some sort of Machiavellian plot involving federal authorities and sea life. We are only concerned about making a place better than it was when we found it, not trivial lawsuits. Mayor Cravalho may think our project and the restoration of a species is laughable, but we don’t. We find our opponents constant attacks disheartening. It’s too bad they care more about preserving a tourist’s right to drunkenly run into the surf than protecting the pristine natural areas around the island and the health of the coral.”

says Hunt.

STORYLINE

Tracy and Alohi Oeming, Friends and Family, Died on May 4th, Aged 39 and 10

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It was Thanksgiving. The day of reckoning for her uncle Frank. The shed had been delivered in pieces months before and his procrastination had finally caught up to him. Her father and grandfather were out there too, feeling the tug of war between family obligation and watching the game on a warm couch. The first casualty in the shed war had been initiative. The second was the instruction booklet. Tracy watched the trio rummage through the lumber and hardware for hours. She listened to them argue and plan and could see that the shed would never be finished in time. Her aunt wondered aloud if it would be done before the first snow came or if it would have to spend the winter buried in the backyard. That was all 8-year-old Tracy had to hear. She grabbed her tablet and went outside to see what she could do. She quickly inventoried what they had and what they needed. She sent her uncle into the basement for some missing bolts and washers and sketched instructions for them to follow. Under her guidance the group not only finished the shed, but they finished in time to catch the last 5 minutes of the game. That was Tracy and that was the moment her family knew she was going to be an architect.

Tracy Sklodowska was born September 29, 2001 to David and Anna in Ithaca, New York. She was an only child who excelled in her studies from a young age. She loved working with her hands as well as her mind and would spend hours sketching buildings. In high school she developed a love of swimming and was talented enough to win a number of awards.

There were many offers after high school but there was no question about where she would go. Cornell had always been her dream and that is where she went on a full scholarship thanks to her swimming and grades. Never one to think small, Tracy decided that instead of focusing on individual structures she would focus on building cities. She started her graduate studies in urban planning at the University of Michigan and was planning her next 5 years when she ran into something unexpected, a young physics professor named Eric Oeming.

“A physics professor? Why couldn’t you find a lawyer or a MBA? What kind of future are you two going to have?” her grandmother asked when she learned about their relationship. Proof positive that wisdom does not always come with age. Tracy split her time in those years working on projects in Maui and spending time with Eric. She told me once that meeting Eric was like discovering you had another arm that had just been asleep for a long time. The two fell deeply in love and were married as soon as she graduated from U of M.

Those who knew Tracy well would be the first to tell you that she was never a big fan of relaxing, but there was something about the Hawaiian spirit that fit her. She fell in love with the Lahaina area during her studies and introduced Eric to the land that they would eventually call home. While we all know how successful the pair became, she was not a fan of the limelight and tried carefully to provide a “normal” life for herself and her family. I assume in the next few days the extent of her philanthropic work will come to light and people are going to be surprised that they hadn’t heard about it before. That was the way she wanted it. Tracy didn’t do the work she did for acknowledgment or accolades. She did it because she was able to.

While her husband and daughter were well known fixtures in Lahaina and my noodle shop, Tracy rarely walked around downtown, preferring to avoid the cameras and questions. The locals would recognize her but most tourists and reporters wouldn’t. One day she came in for a quick bite and there was a guy in front of her who had been enjoying one of our beach bars a little too much for his own good. He started talking loudly about how he was sick of that Oeming guy always talking about how great he was. He complained that he couldn’t watch the news anymore because the guy was always on and bragging. He said his wife must have an endless supply of earplugs and rum. Before I could throw him out, Tracy gave me a little wave of her hand and said, “I know! Forget him and his precious awards. They should give that lady a Nobel for having to listen to that blowhard every day. Imagine how much we’d have to hear him if he didn’t have a wife and family to come home to. They should make her a saint,” and sat down next to the guy without missing a beat. I don’t know that I ever laughed so hard in my life. That was Tracy. She was a smile that didn’t ask for anything and gave everything in return.

2030 was a big year for the Oemings. Their daughter Alohi was born September 27, 2030, only missing her mother’s birthday by a couple of days and Eric won his Nobel prize. When Tracy was very young her aunt asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. The normally analytical girl uncharacteristically answered, “the sun, because it’s the brightest star.” Her family teased her about it often, and joked that they hoped her first born was a boy so she could name him “Sun”. Alohi means shining in Hawaiian, and man did she shine.

She was only a few months old when her family moved to Hawaii but she was born with an islander’s spirit. Alohi was an amazingly creative young woman who never shied away from a new experience, as if there was such a thing to her. When you’re the daughter of the man who invented a way to travel anywhere across the globe instantaneously, you end up visiting a lot of new places. Marco Polo and Magellan wish they were as well traveled as Alohi.

She had a passion for birds and loved walking the trails of the preservation zone on the hunt for rare species. She would come into the shop and tell me all about her favorite exotic birds and where she was when saw them. She kept a collection of their songs in her Ceremplant and could identify them all by ear. We used to play a game where I would pick one at random to see if she knew what it was. I could never stump her, not even once. But it wasn’t just nature and world travel for her, she loved making things with her hands just like her mom.

She loved going up to the local maker commune to see what those guys had come up with next. Let me tell you, talking to some of those guys would give anyone pause but not Alohi. She had seen so much in her brief time here with us that she never approached anyone or anything hesitantly. It never occurred to her that something might not be possible. It offers me some solace to know that she never will. If her mother was a smile Alohi was the feeling you got when you smiled. Being a part of her life made me feel proud somehow. I will always hold that honor dear.

Tracy and Alohi gave me many gifts in my life. The gift that I hold most precious was their friendship. The only thing I can give them now is a meager gift, my words. I’ve tried to articulate them as well as I could here, in the impossible hope that they could convey how truly rare and bright the two were. They had become part of my family and I feel immense sorrow that more of you will never have the joy of knowing them as I have. Goodnight my sistahs, memories of you will shine in our hearts forever.