Hello marketing person or entry level communication drone dying inside, and forced to sort out any “unpleasantness” from the public discourse for his boss. If the drone is still reading this, I urge you to reevaluate your life so far. How much can you possibly be making? What do you think being told you’re a terrible person a thousand times a year does to someone? I’m sure those honest few minutes each morning in the shower before the water washes away your tears tells you everything you need to know. Do yourself, and me a favor and pass this on to someone who isn’t a loser. If this is someone in marketing. let me get to the point, you are hurting my brand. When you hurt my brand you are ultimately hurting yours. It’s easy. Just in case you don’t get it yet, let me try and explain it to you.
I don’t think you know who I am and what I’m trying to do for both of us and that has become a problem. Let me try and clear it up for you. I am the famous, some say infamous, artist St. Skribillz. Some call me a graffiti artist, or a street artist but I don’t like to limit myself with labels. I apologize that I can’t talk directly with you or call on the phone. It’s important for the persona that I remain anonymous.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the “Illz” campaign that I started 3 years ago. One of the many documentaries about me has called it “The most subversively humorous, and expertly advertised social commentary about the folly of man since the invention of paint.” I have graced over a dozen corporations and organizations with my crafted critiques. In the process, my work has helped thousands. I donate a portion of the sale of each work after I have it removed from your facility. In turn, you get to say that I have defaced a portion of your property. The establishment gets mad and offers to throw you some support, and your name gets out there to all the kids. No press is bad press. Am I right? I’m not sure what you’re not getting. Even the religious groups I’ve condemned have played ball so far.
One of the first targets of the Illz project was your giant veil station in Lahaina. It took me all night to get the geometry of that many toilets in two places at once correct. Don’t get me started about how bad the lighting was the following morning. What is usually a well rehearsed 2 hours of documenting and promoting stretched into the early afternoon. Then I heard later on in the jet that the piece had been removed already. I thought you just didn’t get what I was doing, and would wise up on another attempt.
A year later I found myself back on the island and tried again. Imagine my surprise when it happened again. At first I thought the issue was my assistant Tim. I had updated my paints after the earthquake had destroyed my work in China. When I saw what the hoses and rubble had done to my baby I almost lost it. I still get a little choked up about how faded the color looked after that terrible day. I was so ashamed of the quality of that piece that I never put it up for sale. Anyway, I was sure you wouldn’t be able to clean off my new paints in such a short time, so it had to be Tim.
He had been acting weird in the days leading up to my second attempt. He didn’t tip the Hailoha driver and then told me he did. He was late with his marketing and social trending reports, and worst of all he was taking pictures of things other than the work in order to throw me off. “This place is gorgeous,” he said while snapping away pictures on the beach. As if nature could come close to the level of beauty that staged lighting, vibrant scientifically created colors, and my expert hand affords. When the news crew we had tipped off reported that my accomplishment had disappeared within 24 hours again, I assumed Tim had colluded with you to have the mural cut out and sold.
I’m not especially proud of what happened in the subsequent 2 months. Mistakes were made, but I have learned a lot and growth is important to an artist. I had Tim followed and may have allegedly monitored his communications. The tracking system we put in his car didn’t really reveal anything so I may have allegedly hired people to physically follow him around and report directly to me. Tim was always a little paranoid, so he may have been on edge already after discovering the listening device in his apartment. I guess guys in a SUV following him around was too much for him. I regret the high-speed chase, but the investigation that followed helped me understand that Tim wasn’t involved with the disappearance of my art, and he’ll have full mobility again in a few more months.
Third time’s a charm they say, so I decided to end what has been my most successful art enterprise with you, the biggest and most controversial company on the planet. This time however, I was going to wait around with the crew until the media showed up. I couldn’t imagine that you’d break the social contract between exploitative megacorporation and artistic opportunist again.
Then, even before the local paper showed up, along comes a little old man dragging a power sprayer. As I said, my paints are expensive and earthquake proof now so I wasn’t worried. But before I could stop him, the guy had erased hours of work with one pass of the sprayer. I asked what the hell he had loaded in that thing but he said it was just water. He then explained that the whole damn building had some sort of coating that was resistant to stains and plant growth.
Don’t you think that is something you should talk about more? Maybe mention it on your website? My work is important. Maybe I’m not a gigantic company with thousands of facilities worldwide but I have a following of almost 100 million on social media. Have you checked your’s lately? I have, and it could use a boost. I’m going to be in town for another couple days and I’m willing to try vandalizing your building one last time. I usually don’t like to schedule guerilla art but maybe that’s what needed in this case. Lets help each other’s brands with some positive outrage!
Saint Skribillz
Champion of the Truth
Painter of the People
