STORYLINE

Trial of Cult Leader Involved In Newuskin Robberies begins in Maui

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All eyes were turned toward the Second Circuit Court in Maui today as the trial of alleged cult leader Sebastian Malu began. Malu and members of his group, the Eternal Cycle, are accused of breaking into a Newuskin facility in Lahaina and stealing a large quantity of biological materials. The group claims that they were simply trying to perform proper services over what they consider are human remains.

The Eternal Cycle was founded in early 2047 in response to the cutting-edge beautifying treatment, Newuskin. Parent company Vereserum calls the technology the best tool available to combat the aging process. Sebastian and the group claim that the process is something much more ghoulish.

According to prosecutors, Malu and an unnamed group of his followers broke into the Kokua Wellness Center and Spa in Lahaina, and destroyed equipment including a number of Newuskin devices. In addition, they contend that members of the Eternal Cycle stole a large quantity of biological material set for disposal and refuse to disclose the location or disposition of said materials. Sebastian says that the so-called “biological material” is actually human remains.

Representing himself, Malu’s opening statement said in part,

“What Vereserum is offering goes well beyond a simple beauty treatment. They are trying to pass off a Newuskin procedure as nothing more than a glorified facial peel or teeth whitening. What they are doing is much more insidious. They refuse to discuss that this process involves full organ and sometimes body replacement. I will present company sales materials proving that they demand their partners not discuss this ugly fact with the public. In essence, a Newuskin procedure results in the death of a person created from the innate energy that runs through all things in the universe, and the construction of a new false body for vanity. Vereserum wants to mask this fact through legalese and technicalities. They know what they are doing goes against nature and common decency. They are trying to hide it from the public by demanding that the discarded bodies resulting from their unnatural procedure be immediately cremated. We are not using these bodies in perverse or disrespectful ways, or profiting from their sale as some at Kokua have been for the past year. We are simply trying to give the vital spirit and energies trapped inside these abandoned vessels a proper release back into the eternal cycle.”

Malu is referring to a scandal at the Kokua Wellness Center earlier this year where a federal sting operation discovered an individual who was selling leftover Newuskin materials to a wide variety of individuals, including biotech companies and collectors of the macabre. Details of the investigation remain sealed, presumably because of some connection to the Eternal Cycle case. Opponents of the Newuskin procedures say that this is an untalked about, but common practice for facilities that offer the treatments. Vereserum disagrees, and vehemently denies those accusations, taking issue with Malu’s characterization of the Nuuskin procedure.

Company spokesman and CTO Ryan Mandal says that while there have been some unfortunate circumstances surrounding this one facility, on the whole, Newuskin technology is safe and ethical, and the facilities that offer the procedures are secure and professional. He says,

“This technology has a 2 year proven track record and with many years of previous government scrutiny. We take pride in offering a conscientious and safe procedure to every customer who chooses to go through the Newuskin process. The individual who was selling jarred feet at the Lahaina facility was not representative of the high standards our partners and we strive to maintain. They have been dealt with according to the rules of law. For Sebastian to suggest that we are somehow stockpiling bodies like cordwood is as ridiculous as his defense in this case. While it is true that our procedure does involve the reconstruction or replacement of some biological tissues in our customers, the leftover materials are not people anymore than a pulled tooth or removed tumor is. By any reasonable measure both legally and morally, the Eternal Cycle are wrong and we are confident that the criminal justice system will help them see the error of their ways.”

Most legal experts agree with Mandal but say that Malu is probably not interested in winning the case legally, but instead exposing some of the lesser-known facts about the beauty procedure. In that case, he might have already won. The Newuskin facility in Lahaina has been temporarily closed and there have been calls for further investigations into Vereserum and the procedure at the capital. The case is expected to finish in a few weeks but the questions about Newuskin raised are likely to last much longer.

STORYLINE

Your Food Delivery Service Is Pretty Awesome!

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Hello business dudes and dudettes. I thought I’d take a moment to share just how awesome your Hailoha Eats service is. It’s changed the way I eat. I mean not the way I physically eat; I still do it with my mouth and stuff. I mean the way I look forward to my meals everyday. I’m an artist, but I never thought of food as art before. You’ve really opened my eyes. Nothing is perfect though, so I’d like to suggest a few improvements along with my praise.

When I saw the flyer about Hailoha partnering with Veilcorp to make a pilot food delivery service I was confused as to how they’d get the food up there to them. Then my buddy explained that in this case pilot meant like a one time thing to see if it worked and had nothing to do with flying. That made a lot more sense so I thought we’d give it a try.

One of the things I liked right away was that it was a 24/7 kind of thing. That fit perfectly with my lifestyle. I’m currently taking a break from the rat race that was art school and spending some much needed recharge time at my mom’s beach house. I spend a lot of time relaxing with my friends and just trying to be chill. This really messes up my eating schedule. It’s hard to find a place that serves breakfast when you don’t get up until noon. Sometimes we chill so hard that we forget to eat until our bellies are rumbling at 3am or something, and before your service we’d just have to stay awake until the sun came up and the cafe’s opened.

I won’t lie, I was a little shocked at the prices but I get a pretty good chunk of change from my trust fund every 3 months so I can afford it. I’m not saying that it’s too expensive, I guess. All the food is Veiled over to the island from across the world so I guess that takes a lot of organization and working together. I hate having to go down to the store with everyone’s drink order so I can’t imagine what a hassle working with thousands of restaurants across the world is.

At first we played this game where we’d pick a 3 course meal at random. I’d spin the globe in the study, close my eyes and stop it with a finger until we had places to order from. We ate a lot of weird stuff that way, but we also got to try things we normally wouldn’t. It was kinda fun but then we hit gold with the holy trinity of food. Nothing, I repeat nothing finishes a hard day of hanging out like a savory Moroccan pigeon tagine, followed with some chili crab from Singapore for heat, and some sweet Argentinian dulce de leche empanadas. We’ve had it every night for almost 2 weeks now. There’s no way anyone could complain in good conscience about prices after experiencing that meal. It’s like having the gods of flavor dance on your tongue.

I didn’t think it would be at first, but being able to pick your delivery driver has turned into a huge plus for me. The first guy that showed up was late and left his brights on when he came to the door which is a huge foul. Cold food and blinding light was not how I wanted my night to wrap up. Then we had a lady that just wanted to talk about everything. She wanted to know where we were from and all kinds of stuff. Greg got freaked out and ran into his room. It took about an hour for all the tension to leave after she did. Then we got Mark. That dude was born to deliver food. He calls to confirm when he is on his way so nobody who forgot we ordered food is surprised. He turns off the lights before he turns into the driveway, it’s like he thinks of everything. He even leaves a handful of peppermint candies with every order. Mark is a huge part of why we use your service every day.

The onsite cameras are a mixed bag for me. At first I appreciated the monotony of watching people prep and make food during the middle of the night. Having something I could zone out on was cool and especially useful if I’d been partying too hard. The problem was that we’d occasionally see stuff that wasn’t so appetizing. It turned out that the overnight guy at our favorite pizza shop had a itch he couldn’t seem to scratch no matter how hard he tried, and man did he try. He scratched himself often and everywhere. The pies just didn’t taste the same after we saw how they were made. We also had a custom cake place we used to get dessert from all the time until we saw that the head baker liked to keep his hands warm inside his assistants pants. They’d go at it on the prep tables making adultery angels in the piles of flour. When we saw that they’d still use the flour, we stopped ordering pastries. I filled out all the proper complaint forms of course, but I guess I’m just the kind of guy who believes ignorance is bliss.

So there it is. Maybe have a no camera option so people don’t get caught going down that rabbit hole and more Mark. Leave everything else the same. Feel free to pass my feedback on down the line. If you’re ever looking for someone to do like testimonials or be a spokesperson or something hit me up. I’m pretty articulate and a good looking dude who could use a side gig that doesn’t take too long. My chili crab bill is starting to get crazy.

Very satisfied customer,
Jake Tripper

STORYLINE

We Need to rethink these discount trips

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from: Richard Brace

to: Lisa Hunt
date: Fri, June 5, 2048 at 5:53 PM
subject: Unintended Consequences of our Lowered Pricing

Hi Lisa.

I’m sorry to contact you about this, but we both know that Eric isn’t himself these days, and I’ve sent numerous messages up the chain with no response. I just want to make sure that someone with the power to make a decision is aware of the state of things. Since we’ve known each other for years, and you’re effectively in charge now, I thought I’d reach out. Don’t worry, I won’t make a habit of it.

I understand that Icarus was a great success. We’ve been getting regular 127 shipments, and the stockpile is really impressive. The other day one of the guys in operations calculated that we had enough in storage to send every man, woman, and child on earth through the veil almost 4 times. I also have a basic understanding of economics. Since the cost of powering everything is so low it makes sense to pass the cost reduction down to our customers, but that’s the problem. Making things cheaper for everyone else is eating away at my budget faster than I can keep up.

As the head of Safety and Facilities here in Lahaina I’ve seen a huge increase in damages, injury claims, and a big blow to our image. I’m sure an accountant somewhere made the case that if we lower the price by half, we could triple the amount of travelers and shipments. On paper it makes sense, but I don’t think they’ve considered all the ramifications. In the past I’ve been a big believer in toeing the company line when it comes to the social benefits of letting all people travel freely, but these discount customers are changing my mind. The increase in headcount we now need to run smoothly has to be eating most of that revenue increase. If you couple that with the hit we’re taking to our reputation, I can’t imagine we’re ahead at all.

Even with the quota law in place here on the island we are getting a long line of unsavory individuals veiling in every day. You wouldn’t believe the number of people who come through for day trips without shirts or shoes on. When I first started, veil travel was a luxury. People appreciated it. Did you ever have a really nice bike or toy when you were a kid? Do you remember how well you took care of it? It’s human nature to respect something that costs a lot, and to not worry about things that are cheap. We have become cheap and it’s hurting our brand. Some of these people have less respect for us than they do for a convenience store. The increase in settlements from people slipping or stepping on glass has forced me to double the full time cleaning crew and they still can’t keep up with the traffic.

The lobby is starting to look like a bus station. I don’t have enough crew to deal with the increase of travellers, and nobody seems interested in giving me a bigger budget. We have to deal with numerous cases of people using the facility as a flop house, or unruly drunks using us for pub crawls every day now. A group came through recently that thought it would be a good idea to climb the sculptures. One of them was literally swinging from the chandeliers before we got him down. If we can’t get more security staff in soon we’re going to become a buffet table for personal injury lawyers. Do you have any idea what our liability would have been if he fell and broke his back? Are we looking to change our Company motto to “Here, hold my beer. Watch this”?

Intoxicated customers falling from the sky isn’t the worst of it though. Yesterday I saw that someone sent a babyseat through with baby included. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Evidently, the mother has been sending the infant this way for months because of a shared custody order. With the lowered prices, it’s just more “convenient” for her to make the exchange this way. Her ex showed up minutes later, but for a few terrifying moments my crew was responsible for the welfare of a baby, and evidently it wasn’t the first time! I called the authorities but that’s not really the point. It’s clear to me that we are one bad day away from a PR disaster.

I’ve even heard rumors that we’re going to start a food delivery service soon. Please tell me that isn’t true. Since the price adjustment we have seen an almost 400% increase in the number of packages arriving through our shipping service. I can assure you that we haven’t had a similar increase in the amount of inspectors. I worry everyday about the Feds finding a huge drug cache or worse, not finding some sort of explosive device. With our enemies in congress we should be worried about the Feds sending something like that themselves to test the system. Right now I don’t think we’d pass the test. Can you imagine what would happen if some of the food we transported made someone sick? They’d rake us over the coals in the media, and they’d be right.

At the very least I need enough budget to cover all the cracks that are spreading across our operations. I feel like I’m being set up to fail right now. Maybe I’m just stuck in the past when I think about this place. Veiling used to be an extravagance. The station used to command a certain amount of awe and respect, and now we’re slowly turning into a glorified taxi service. This can’t be good for our bottom line.

STORYLINE

Lahaina residents bond over SSHAM and sandbags

Mother nature is not going easy on Maui residents this year. Barely a month into the hurricane season the island has already faced the fury of 3 storms, but none of them have reached the intensity of Neki. The storm has already produced winds of up to 115 mph and meteorologists say that it could get even bigger before it hits.

Mayor of the County of Maui Albert Cravalho has cancelled tonight’s firework display and has issued a statement urging the public to prepare for the worst. All across the island people are bracing themselves and their houses for what might be the most powerful storm to ever hit the island. The National Weather Service now says that Neki might surpass Iniki, the category 4 hurricane that hit Hawaii in 1992.

While the general mood on the island is serious, and many are concerned, the looming storm has also highlighted an extraordinary sense of love and community. Mr. Cravalho says he couldn’t be more proud. This Hawaiian spirit and sentiment is especially true for the Lahaina area.

The Veilcorp facility there has ceased all travel activity and opened the doors to the public to use as an emergency shelter. Dan Kukulu, head of operations says,

“Our doors are open to anyone who is worried about the storm. We have nice strong walls and reinforced windows. Teams are going over every square inch of the facility right now to ensure everyone’s safety. We’re stocked up with enough water and Manimal for a week. We even have some entertainment to take your mind off the wind outside thanks to the Pu’u high school jazz ensemble. Everyone is welcome to come in, have a seat, and tap your feet until this whole thing blows over.”

All along Front Street businesses are boarding up windows and trying to protect themselves from flooding. Hula Noodle, a popular area shop has even offered SSHAM Musubi to everyone who helps fill sandbags. Owner Ralph Umeke says he’s proud, but not surprised at the willingness of his neighbors to lend a hand. “That’s what makes this place special. We’re like a big family. Sure, maybe a few people get on your nerves from time to time but in the end we all pitch in when we need to. Besides, I’m giving out bowls of SSHAM pho to anyone who fills 10 sandbags and that stuff is onolicious.”

North of Front Street others are offering some high-tech alternatives to sandbags. The local maker commune has been busily printing modular surge barriers all day and offering them up to anyone in need. Ano Lee says,

“The machines are hot and we’re almost out of materials but we’ll keep printing until we can’t anymore. This is my home and I want to do everything I can to help. We’re using a pretty cool pattern that I worked on a few years ago. The panels are easy to put together and they’re sturdy. We’ve installed purple LEDs along the top, and blue along the sides so they should look super cool at night, especially highlighted with a little lightning. In addition, every other panel has a small speaker and some pre-loaded music. I have to admit, our hurricane playlist might be the best we’ve ever made.”

People have been queuing up for the barriers all day including Scott Stonegate. The local man says that he isn’t usually the kind to hang out at the commune but appreciates what Lee is doing. Stonegate says he’s using the experience as a life lesson for his kids. “Their mom is the president of our HOA so she’s busy right now making sure that all the plywood is properly fitted over windows, and that there isn’t any unnecessary markings on them. I think it’s important for our kids to see that even in an emergency, standards are important.”

Scott says that if it wasn’t for Lee, his neighborhood of Tanager Lane might not have any workable solution should the storm surge reach far inland.

“I’ve already cleared away anything from around the garage that might be of concern. However, if it wasn’t for these panels my classic Mustang Shelby GT350 might be in danger of getting flooded out. Ivy is the most beautiful custom green and I don’t know what I’d do if her electronics got ruined. I’m over here working with people that I normally avoid in the lightning and raging winds with my kids to teach them an important lesson. You need to do anything you can to ensure the safety of the things you hold most dear.”

The latest National Weather Service forecasts predict Neki to make landfall sometime early tomorrow morning. Until then, the residents of Lahaina will continue to share SSHAM, sandbags, and a sense of community.

STORYLINE

Join Veil Ed In Taking Education Transdimensional

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Congratulations! It has been determined that your company would be a suitable partner in Veil Ed’s exciting new project, the Write Board(™). This exciting new piece of technology is sure to change the game when it comes to distance learning and collaborative education. We can’t do it alone however, and would like to offer you a chance to show the world how committed you are to making it a better place. Please consider helping us to take education transdimensional!

Veil Ed, a subsidiary of Veilcorp, has one simple mandate, to make learning better through the use of gateway technology. The Write Board(™) has been designed to be the single most powerful sharing tool ever created. Mankind has spent over 5,000 years trying to perfect the written language. With your help, we can complete the task by the end of the year.

At this point you may be asking, “What makes the Write Board(™) different from other collaborative tools that claim to be similar?” Good question. It’s only different in the same way that traveling on muleback to the next town over is different than veiling across a continent.

According to our preliminary studies and extensive paid surveys, we’ve found that one of the biggest issues in education from our children’s perspective is trust. From the time they are born our children are being fed misinformation. Whether it be mammals leaving colorful eggs for discovery, to a wide range of supernatural beings who exchange gifts for agreeable behaviors or teeth, even the time honored “you can be anything you want to be when you grow up”, all of these lies can be confusing for a growing mind. We’ve found that they leave a simmering level of distrust in children and that’s just the lies at home.

We teach our kids about explorers who discovered distant lands that already had native populations, hundreds of years after other lesser known cultures built outposts there. We teach math and science concepts that are in constant revision, and even the dictionary has new words added every year. With the facts constantly changing it’s no wonder that our young people are so suspicious. That is where the Write Board(™) comes in.

Unlike the archaic white board designs offered by others, the Write Board(™) is an actual physical board that travels back and forth between individuals using our veil technology. Children can experience the original writings and fully appreciate each line and stroke of the pen as it was actually intended, not a computer generated facsimile. Your child can express their thoughts on the same board as an expert, in an authentic collaborative learning experience.

You might be asking, Is that really any better than what is available now? In short, the answer is a resounding Yes! You wouldn’t ask if listening to a symphony in person was any better than listening to one on your favorite music device would you? We think your child’s education is at least as important as a holiday concert. We believe that to truly understand the meaning of a written word or concept, you need to study it in its original form, not through a mechanical copying process .

Other shared board systems rely on having an internet connection, but not the Write Board(™). Don’t let your child’s mind be restrained by bandwidth problems. Reality never suffers from latency issues and neither does this technology. Our system works anywhere and everywhere. As long as the child is someplace in the real world, we can deliver a “best in the world” learning experience.

“This all sounds acceptable to me, but I’m not sure how I can help,” you might say. We got you covered. Our business and marketing team has already targeted you for this email so you must have something we want! We’ve already gone through all your publically available information and have a basic plan in mind. Simply respond, and we’ll get the ball rolling. After you’ve signed the initial agreements, we encourage you to fill out the detailed disclosure forms for our advanced partner program. Once we know every detail of your business, we’ll be better able to tell you how you can help and you’ll get your choice of premium branding spots.

“But what if the idea of smarter kids makes me uneasy?” you might ask. Don’t worry, you just need to focus on the tax deductible nature of our partnership. Veil Ed has a team of the finest accountants and tax lawyers ever assembled who are more than capable of maximizing the financial benefits of our partnership. Just because you never cared about children or their education before doesn’t mean you can’t purport to now. Please join us in this tax deductible education adventure.

The Write Board(™) is a game changer. Don’t get caught standing on the wrong side of the history taught to our children. Join Veil Ed and come in for the big win! Together we can take education transdimensional!

STORYLINE

You need to Let me deface your building

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Hello marketing person or entry level communication drone dying inside, and forced to sort out any “unpleasantness” from the public discourse for his boss. If the drone is still reading this, I urge you to reevaluate your life so far. How much can you possibly be making? What do you think being told you’re a terrible person a thousand times a year does to someone? I’m sure those honest few minutes each morning in the shower before the water washes away your tears tells you everything you need to know. Do yourself, and me a favor and pass this on to someone who isn’t a loser. If this is someone in marketing. let me get to the point, you are hurting my brand. When you hurt my brand you are ultimately hurting yours. It’s easy. Just in case you don’t get it yet, let me try and explain it to you.

I don’t think you know who I am and what I’m trying to do for both of us and that has become a problem. Let me try and clear it up for you. I am the famous, some say infamous, artist St. Skribillz. Some call me a graffiti artist, or a street artist but I don’t like to limit myself with labels. I apologize that I can’t talk directly with you or call on the phone. It’s important for the persona that I remain anonymous.

I’m sure you’ve heard of the “Illz” campaign that I started 3 years ago. One of the many documentaries about me has called it “The most subversively humorous, and expertly advertised social commentary about the folly of man since the invention of paint.” I have graced over a dozen corporations and organizations with my crafted critiques. In the process, my work has helped thousands. I donate a portion of the sale of each work after I have it removed from your facility. In turn, you get to say that I have defaced a portion of your property. The establishment gets mad and offers to throw you some support, and your name gets out there to all the kids. No press is bad press. Am I right? I’m not sure what you’re not getting. Even the religious groups I’ve condemned have played ball so far.

One of the first targets of the Illz project was your giant veil station in Lahaina. It took me all night to get the geometry of that many toilets in two places at once correct. Don’t get me started about how bad the lighting was the following morning. What is usually a well rehearsed 2 hours of documenting and promoting stretched into the early afternoon. Then I heard later on in the jet that the piece had been removed already. I thought you just didn’t get what I was doing, and would wise up on another attempt.

A year later I found myself back on the island and tried again. Imagine my surprise when it happened again. At first I thought the issue was my assistant Tim. I had updated my paints after the earthquake had destroyed my work in China. When I saw what the hoses and rubble had done to my baby I almost lost it. I still get a little choked up about how faded the color looked after that terrible day. I was so ashamed of the quality of that piece that I never put it up for sale. Anyway, I was sure you wouldn’t be able to clean off my new paints in such a short time, so it had to be Tim.

He had been acting weird in the days leading up to my second attempt. He didn’t tip the Hailoha driver and then told me he did. He was late with his marketing and social trending reports, and worst of all he was taking pictures of things other than the work in order to throw me off. “This place is gorgeous,” he said while snapping away pictures on the beach. As if nature could come close to the level of beauty that staged lighting, vibrant scientifically created colors, and my expert hand affords. When the news crew we had tipped off reported that my accomplishment had disappeared within 24 hours again, I assumed Tim had colluded with you to have the mural cut out and sold.

I’m not especially proud of what happened in the subsequent 2 months. Mistakes were made, but I have learned a lot and growth is important to an artist. I had Tim followed and may have allegedly monitored his communications. The tracking system we put in his car didn’t really reveal anything so I may have allegedly hired people to physically follow him around and report directly to me. Tim was always a little paranoid, so he may have been on edge already after discovering the listening device in his apartment. I guess guys in a SUV following him around was too much for him. I regret the high-speed chase, but the investigation that followed helped me understand that Tim wasn’t involved with the disappearance of my art, and he’ll have full mobility again in a few more months.

Third time’s a charm they say, so I decided to end what has been my most successful art enterprise with you, the biggest and most controversial company on the planet. This time however, I was going to wait around with the crew until the media showed up. I couldn’t imagine that you’d break the social contract between exploitative megacorporation and artistic opportunist again.

Then, even before the local paper showed up, along comes a little old man dragging a power sprayer. As I said, my paints are expensive and earthquake proof now so I wasn’t worried. But before I could stop him, the guy had erased hours of work with one pass of the sprayer. I asked what the hell he had loaded in that thing but he said it was just water. He then explained that the whole damn building had some sort of coating that was resistant to stains and plant growth.

Don’t you think that is something you should talk about more? Maybe mention it on your website? My work is important. Maybe I’m not a gigantic company with thousands of facilities worldwide but I have a following of almost 100 million on social media. Have you checked your’s lately? I have, and it could use a boost. I’m going to be in town for another couple days and I’m willing to try vandalizing your building one last time. I usually don’t like to schedule guerilla art but maybe that’s what needed in this case. Lets help each other’s brands with some positive outrage!

Saint Skribillz

Champion of the Truth
Painter of the People

STORYLINE

Your Ceremplant Policy is Unacceptable!

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Dear Dean Mahelona,

I wanted to attend the University of Maui Lahaina College because I believed it was an institution that emphasized lifelong learning, Native Hawaiian culture, and global understanding. That’s what your brochure said at least, and what I was told at orientation. What I soon learned however, was that you stopped learning decades ago, are only interested in promoting a culture of ignorance, and your understanding extends to the edge of your corporately owned desk. Your policy in regards to Ceremplants is particularly egregious!

Telling me that your policies are clearly written in my enrollment materials is unacceptable. Do you actually think people read papers before they sign them? When I asked what all the stuff about the college needing access to my implant was about, I was told it was for my benefit. At first I thought it was nice. Every morning I’d get the news after the morning update and the synch times were short so they didn’t slow me down. Your mapping program was a big help learning the campus, and finding the shortest way to class and stores around town. Then I started to learn more and I felt sick.

I soon learned that all my pictures were being stored by the college. I had no idea that everything I recorded for my personal use was automatically being captured by you as well. When I was taking images of my Psi Pi Chi sisters it was so I could look back on them one day, and relive those memories or use them as leverage. I didn’t expect you to keep them as well. I’m going to need to find a job one day, and I don’t think some of the things you’ve made copies of would help.

It just wasn’t just pictures and video either. I’m not sure you’re aware that the school’s “daily steps” feature does far more than just “Show you how much you’re moving in a elegant way and gives tips on how to be more active.” It not only tracks your steps, it keeps track of your movements on campus and produces a daily map of your activity. I call it a kidnapping treasure map, because I can’t think of a more dangerous piece of data to be kept about a young woman. You can actually go back and see where someone goes every day, and at what time. I assume that you are making money somehow off of this data because I can’t understand why else you would have it.

When I called to have my personal data deleted I was told it was an easy process. That turned out to be another lie. After hours of back and forth, and a number of unnecessary reboots, I was told everything of a personal nature had been removed. Then today I got my “Morning Memory” as usual and it was a picture of Holly Kalili and me standing on the beach. I saw red!

While it’s true that Holly and I were good friends last semester, that was before we learned about her gross beliefs. Holly thought that the new veil quota law was a good idea and that it would help preserve the delicate natural areas on the island. Do you know who else has quotas? People who run slaughterhouses, that’s who! Our sorority could not support someone so hateful that they would support a measure that would make it harder for friends and family visit. She was barely done asking why the locks were changed and her things were in the street, before we all deleted her pictures. Yet, I was now being forced to remember her, and her bigoted beliefs. The only way that was possible was if you somehow had saved pictures of her after I asked you to delete everything.

I immediately complained and demanded that you stop syncing with my implant. Then you dropped the bomb on me. I was told that I would be unable to get my grades until I restored access. That is offensive, and your complete lack of making an exception in my case is unacceptable! I’m not accustomed to dealing with people who choose to flaunt their authority. It’s gross. I don’t work well with people who disagree with me, so you can understand why this has been so hard. In retrospect, I should have known that you were in the pocket of big business. The artwork on campus is devoid of inspiration and clearly corporately sponsored. Even the shrubbery is contrived .

I’m drawing a line and demanding that you change your policies, and void anything I may have already agreed to. I’m pretty sure you can’t hold someone responsible for what they’ve signed if what they’ve signed is stupid! I don’t think you fully understand how many online followers I have, and just how popular I am on campus. I still have people stop me and ask about the story I did freshmen year on how hard it is to live with headgear. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been called brave for letting the student paper take those pictures in the middle of my quest for straighter teeth. What do you think would happen if I let everyone know that you wouldn’t accommodate my wishes? I’m not trying to threaten you. I’m just letting you know that you don’t want to be on the wrong end of an argument with me, just ask Holly. You have 24 hours to agree to my terms.

Indignantly,
Kimberly Hekili

STORYLINE

Law That Would Put Quota On Veil Travelers Passes

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Amongst cheers from its supporters and threats of legal action from the opposition, the InterIsland Preservation and Travel Act (IPTA) was passed today. The law would establish tough new regulations on the use of Veil transportation on any of the Hawaiian islands and impose a quota on the number of monthly visitors. Many native Hawaiians see the measure as a much needed safeguard for failing infrastructure and fragile natural areas. Veilcorp calls it a disappointing overreach. The controversial law is set to go into effect in 2047.

Proponents of the legislation say it is needed to protect strained electrical and sewage systems and to shield vital natural areas from overuse. Advocates point to the frequent back-up and spillage problems in Honolulu, and the recent destruction of a turtle nesting beach in Maui by a wedding party, as proof of the need for the law.

Starting next year, anyone planning to veil into the islands must submit a visitor declaration at least 60 days in advance, and outline which destinations they plan to visit as well as provide a departure date. Anyone caught staying past this date, or veiling in without a permit will be heavily fined with the possibility of jail-time for repeat offenders.

Not everyone on the islands agrees with the law. Many local businesses say they depend on a robust tourist trade, and cutting down the number of tourists by what some estimates say could be half, would be the beginning of the end for them. They also point out that so far the state has not explained how they would administer the monthly quotas or the waiting lists that are sure to reach out into year-long delays.

All of these questions and concerns are moot according to Veilcorp spokesperson Lisa Hunt. She says the new law is absurd and clearly unconstitutional, calling it “legislative theater”. Hunt says,

“Freedom of movement under United States law is one of the most fundamental constitutional rights of citizens recognized by the courts. It was recognized in the Articles of Confederation and the right to freely move between states is about as basic as it gets. What the Hawaiian government has done here is nothing more than an act of pandering to a very vocal and militant group of voters. They know that this law will not stand up to scrutiny in the courts. We suggest that they upgrade their sewer systems if they are no longer sufficient instead of spreading it around through legislation. Perhaps these advocates should get out of their comfy chairs and take a more hands-on approach to protecting the natural areas they allege to hold so dear. Stripping away freedoms won’t induce turtles to lay eggs.”

Mayor of the County of Maui, Albert Cravalho, disagrees. He says the law is much needed relief for a problem that has been growing for the past 7 years.

“Freely traveling between states has been considered a fundamental right but the federal government has not been invested with the authority to protect that freedom by the courts. That power has always resided with the states. But more importantly, we have to recognize that the Constitution is a living document. At one time slaves were considered three-fifths of a person, alcohol was illegal, and women were not allowed to vote. The creators of this great document wrote with quills, the ramifications of overcrowding due to veil technology was not on their radar. Oeming and his precious Veilcorp are just the latest incarnation of Captain Cook-like characters trying to exploit the beauty of Hawaii and its people. This problem really started to grow in 2039 when the United States joined 181 other countries in signing The Gateway Travel Accord. Giving virtually the entire population of the planet permission, and the ability to instantaneously stuff themselves into the 4,000 square miles many of us call home is short-sighted to say the least. Every winter our jails are filled with drunk Bostonians and others overstaying their visas. This is not a problem of our making. This is a global issue that was thrust upon us. Luaus aren’t a human right afforded to every southie, Saudi and shanghainese!.”

Albert’s sentiments are shared by many on the islands despite their doubts about the law’s eventual impact on the overcrowding and flash-tourist problems. Local IPTA advocate Elizabeth Stonegate says,

“As President of the Tanager Lane Homeowners’ Association for the past 15 years, I’m no stranger to hard and unpopular decisions so I empathize with the Mayor. If you think putting a travel quota in place is hard you should try getting everyone to agree to mandatory hibiscus planting. I agree that this is a problem that was thrust upon us by other countries. Just the other day a lost tourist wandered into the neighborhood. He walked up to me as I was getting the mail and asked for directions. His accent was so thick and I didn’t know what he was saying at first. You can imagine how off-putting the experience was. If something like that can happen in Tanager Lane, I can only imagine what horrors happen on a daily basis in the less upscale areas around the island.”

STORYLINE

Veilcorp Begins Massive Urchin Restoration Project

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For hundreds of years the Hawaiian islands have had a problem with invasive species. From the introduction of rats and feral pigs, to more recent invaders like the brown tree snake and coconut rhinoceros beetle, all have had a major impact on island ecology. Invasive species aren’t just confined to terrestrial areas either. For decades the waters around Hawaii have been plagued with invasive algae that crowds out native sea plants and smothers coral, leading to massive reef destruction. Many different plans have tried to deal with the issue over the years, but a new Veilcorp project aims to solve it once and for all while offering a new hope for another species.

Kappaphycus and Eucheuma algae were brought to the islands by farmers working for the carrageenan industry, a chemical important in the making of a wide variety of products including food additives, lubricants, and cosmetics. The accidental release of the algae threatened numerous native plants, and miles of coral reefs popular for snorkeling. In 2005, NOAA worked with the State of Hawaii and the Nature Conservancy to fund and create a possible solution called the Super Sucker project. Divers would use a large suction hose to help them clean the reefs of the algae. The device was faster than doing it by hand, but it was still a painstaking process.

Eventually the State of Hawaii Division of Aquatic Resources began to grow and release native sea urchins around areas most endangered by the algae. Since even the smallest piece of algae left could quickly regrow, It was hoped that the urchins could clean the reefs better than divers. The project had mixed results for a number of reasons, but Veilcorp scientists says they’ve worked out the kinks and have a new urchin plan backed by federal authorities.

According to Veilcorp, the problem with the old project was one of numbers. The state run project would raise urchins in the lab from larva to maturity, a process that would take an urchin 4-5 months to grow. Working in conjunction with NOAA biologists, the company says that they have created a hybrid that can mature in half the time. In addition, Veilcorp officials say that the old program would release urchins in numbers that could clear only small areas. They plan on increasing those numbers in a very large way.

“The old state run program was well intentioned but shackled from the beginning,” says spokesperson Lisa Hunt. “They were releasing hundreds or thousands at a time which was fine if you wanted to clean a certain area for a few weeks. We want to solve the problem forever, and restore the urchin population to their original pre-colonial numbers. The urchin is an important food source for many animals such as lobster and octopus, not to mention people. We plan on releasing millions by years end. We hope the people of Hawaii will receive our gift of better fishing, clean reefs, and uni on every table with the spirit it was given” adds Hunt.

That spirit is not so benevolent according to some however. Mayor of the County of Maui Albert Cravalho says the project is payback for a recent suit filed against the company after a failed rail project.

“Veilcorp pulled out of our inter island rail project after 4 years of planning because it was no longer convenient for them. They left us holding the bag so we had no choice but to seek relief in the courts. I find it laughable that this new project was announced 3 months to the day that we filed our suit. Just look where they plan to release the urchins. It’s places that many local businesses use for beach activities. I assure you that tourists aren’t going to want to spend half their day pulling spines out of their feet. One of the locations is miles away from any reef. Their motivations couldn’t be any clearer! The numbers they plan on dumping are ridiculous too. I haven’t been able to find any biologist not on the Veilcorp payroll who thinks that these waters would be better off with the addition of millions of urchins.”

Veilcorp officials say that the locations picked for the urchin release were chosen with such considerations as currents and underwater obstacles to ensure “a rapid and even distribution of urchins to cover all problem areas.” They deny the claims made by opponents and say that the population numbers they are using are based on historic records from early settlers.

“We have early accounts that claim certain bays were filled with urchins as far as the eye could see. We have spent years taking hits from environmentalists about supposed damages that we have caused in the areas around our facilities. Now, after we try and restore an area to its natural state we are accused of some sort of Machiavellian plot involving federal authorities and sea life. We are only concerned about making a place better than it was when we found it, not trivial lawsuits. Mayor Cravalho may think our project and the restoration of a species is laughable, but we don’t. We find our opponents constant attacks disheartening. It’s too bad they care more about preserving a tourist’s right to drunkenly run into the surf than protecting the pristine natural areas around the island and the health of the coral.”

says Hunt.

STORYLINE

Reality Machine wants to sell your products

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