For months I had been hearing about VeilBox everywhere I went. It was all anyone in the neighborhood could talk about, but I was skeptical. The idea of getting a package once a month filled with random items that I didn’t get to pick out was not appealing to me. I’m the kind of guy that doesn’t like surprises or thinking too hard, but then I started to hear about all the different categories you offered.
I had been devoting most of my free time since we moved to Lahaina to watching the kids and counting waves. Since our youngest daughter Rachel has finally started school, my wife suggested I take up another hobby. Surfing was alright but I found that it took too much of my energy, and nothing else really piqued my interest. Then I started breaking up my afternoons with long daydreaming sessions about travel.
I’d never been one to drop everything and go on a trek somewhere but the idea fascinated me. I began to devote more and more of my day to imagining what it would be like to leave everything behind and visit remote villages in distant lands. That’s when I learned you had a box for someone with my tastes. I had known people who had purchased sci-fi and food oriented programs and one of my neighbors signed up for a fishing box, but the moment I heard about your “Interpid Explorer” package, I knew it was the box option for me.
The promotional material promised, “Hand-crafted and artisan products from the mysterious and far-flung corners of the globe. Perfect for those who choose to go off the beaten path.” Let me tell you, the first box exceeded all my expectations. There was Andean beard balm, and a Congolese bark cloth tapestry, but when I saw the shaving brush I knew I had spent my money wisely. Made by the bristle masters of the Caucasus Mountains, famed for their expert brush construction according to the instruction pamphlet. The business end was made from the finest, sustainably sourced Eurasian badger hair, for my lathering pleasure. It was a pleasure, but a short lived one. I had some major issues with my next box.
I didn’t even see the spiders as I began to rummage through the box, but luckily my wife did. I later learned that the family of arachnids that had taken up residence were brown widows, one of the most deadly species in Asia. Your customer support specialists was great. He credited my account with that month’s payment and gave quite thorough directions on how to eliminate the eight-legged trouble that you had sent me. He promised the next box would contain several bonus items to make up for the trouble. That bonus box arrived today, and I think we have a problem.
The first “bonus” item is a complete mystery to me, and I already told you how I feel about that. I almost don’t know what to call it. I definitely don’t know what it is and there was no instructional pamphlet included. It’s a carved stick of sorts, approximately 20 inches long, covered in some sort of lacquer. One end is topped with the hoof of some smallish animal and the other has a long strand of colored beads. I’m guessing it has some sort of religious or cultural significance but for the life of me I can’t figure out what it is.
I want to be properly sensitive and use it in the correct manner but I’m at a loss. Do I use it to bless my food? Do I hang it over the doorway to bring luck to my home? If so, do I hang it hoof up or hoof down? Can anyone in the family hold it? I’m not sure what to do with it, and the fact that it came with no instructions makes me wonder if you know yourselves.
In addition to the mystery stick, I was also sent a pair of Mongolian fox fur mittens. Not exactly a must have item in Hawaii, but at least it came with a story. “Handmade from horse leather and fox fur obtained by the famous golden eagle hunters of the steppes. These majestic birds of prey are captured at a young age and trained by nomadic hunters. The hunters employ the birds for 10 years before letting them go to live out the rest of their years in the wild. Enjoy wearing these hard earned mittens.”
The story is a compelling one but it doesn’t fit the pair I was sent. One look at the stitching and it’s obvious that they were put together by a machine and not the weathered hands of an indigenous hunter. I wanted to believe that a young man gave up the chance to go to school to risk life and limb climbing the high crags and peaks of the Altai mountains, in order to catch an eagle. I imagined he did all this so he could make traditional mittens that people could order on the internet, but that was a lie. You’ve ruined that noble tragedy for me!
I could handle the mystery or the lie alone, but not together. It’s a bridge too far for this beachside explorer. Please cancel my box subscription and get your act together.
John Driscol,
Unhappy customer
