The smell of disappointment and shrimped-spiced meat is in the air today, as SSHAM announced that it was cancelling its “Give A SSHAM” contest over protests about its new recipe. SSHAM had already announced the three finalists in the contest to promote the new improved flavor of the beloved canned meat product, but a vocal backlash from die-hard fans has the company second guessing the promotion. The winner of the contest was supposed to receive a lifetime supply of SSHAM and the company’s help in a community oriented project. SSHAM says it will work with the finalists to come up with a solution that is beneficial for everyone.
The rules of the Give A SSHAM contest were simple. Entrants described in 200 words or less how they could change the world with a little help, and a lifetime supply of the new more zesty flavored SSHAM. Millions of people from across the globe posted their ideas on the company’s SSHAM Stories page. While the relaunched meat product’s tagline reads, “A spicy respite from life’s little challenges,” there has been little rest for the company dealing with a growing PR nightmare. Company founder and CEO Art Pua’a says he feels bad for the finalists, and doesn’t understand the rancor surrounding the new SSHAM recipe.
“We were blown away by the creativity and ingenuity of everyone who entered the contest,” he says. “As everyone knows, SSHAM itself was born from a crazy idea and a kitchen blender. Now, it’s the most popular spicy salted shrimped-ham in a can anywhere in the world. I believe in the power of ideas, and that anyone can have a billion dollar idea, whatever their background. We combed through millions of great ones, and after months of back and forth, we found the three that had the best chance of making the biggest impact in the world. We had: a teenager who came up with a way to provide clean ham-flavored water to millions, a young boy determined to end all hunger in Maui with free-feeding SSHAM kiosks, and a retired teacher who wanted to help budding artists create through canned meat. However, those programs have been put in jeopardy over the threats and actions of some who are upset that we retooled our product to make it appeal to a broader audience.”
The backlash over the new SSHAM recipe seems to have taken the company by surprise, and has turned violent in some cases. Lahaina police report that company property has been vandalised and several arrests have been made at numerous demonstrations that have sprung-up across the island. Big Bite’s Stores are so wary of the product, that they are threatening to pull it off the shelves until the protests subside.
According to the canned meat purists the new recipe is a slap in the face to the customers who’ve loved and supported SSHAM over the years. Many have expressed their anger on the company’s website. A user calling himself Harshner says the new SSHAM has nothing that made the old version great. He says, “They say it’s supposed to be more zesty but it clearly has less flavor per gram than the old recipe. Do they think people will believe and taste whatever they say? It’s bullshit! Also, there’s no smell anymore! Everyone knows that part of the appeal is the smell, it makes you want to eat it or cook it in a hurry. Now you could just leave a can open anywhere, and you probably wouldn’t notice. I get that someone over there decided that they wanted to tap into the safe little soccer mom and fun mainland dad market by taking all the edge out of their canned meat, but those aren’t the people who made their product the most popular canned meat in the world. Wake up and let us smell the SSHAM again!”
Others users, like Craftgal think larger forces are responsible for the new recipe, “Pay attention people! Why would a company take one of the most beloved foods in the world and completely change it overnight? They wouldn’t, unless it was the first move in something bigger. I’ve suspected for a long time that Veilcorp has been dulling our senses to allow the government complete control over all of us. Everytime they send you somewhere they numb you a little bit more. Their calculations were just a little off, when they introduced this flavorless version of SSHAM. Make no mistake, this is just the beginning. We need to stand up and let the government know that we will not be their mindless robots, living in a flavorless world!”
Company spokespeople have been quite so far about the fate of the finalist’s projects, or their lifetime supply of SSHAM. However, they have announced that SSHAM founder Art Pua’a will hold a virtual town hall meeting at the end of the week to answer questions and address any concerns. They also wish to remind the public that those who prefer the old SSHAM flavor can continue to enjoy it by purchasing the SSHAM-Prime product.
