New Service Promises To Travel the Veil and Quit Your Job For You

A record number of people used Veil travel to get to a destination last year, but many of these travelers aren’t just taking vacations. More and more, people are using the Veil to get to work, as well as to have some fun in the sun. This has created a labor pool of unprecedented size for companies to choose from. Finding the talent that is the best fit for your organization has become a huge business. It’s never been a better time to be a recruiter. But one Hawaiian isn’t banking on matching you with your dream employer. In fact, he’s created a service that will quit your job for you.

According to the Hawaii Department of Labor, over 20,000 Hawaiians use Veil travel at least once a week to get to work, or for a work related project. In addition, at least double that number of employees come to the islands each week. With so many people going to work from so far away, many companies are including travel expenses in their starting packages. While this has made commuting to work easier than ever before, quitting that job can still be an uncomfortable exercise for many, that’s where Lahaina’s John Driscol comes in. For a fee, his “Break Time” service will help you leave your current job.

“I’ve always been really good at quitting things. Much to my wife and kid’s dismay, I don’t feel shame or get embarrassed like most people for some reason,” says Driscol.

“I recognized this talent early, when I wouldn’t regret not turning in homework or completing projects in school. Later, when I started dating, I would routinely use coupons on dates and ask to split the bills without an ounce of embarrassment. I continued to not complete my tasks when I was employed, while reaping the benefits of my team’s work, and eating any unattended lunches from the break room fridge guilt-free. It’s not that I’m a bad person; I’m not a law breaker. I just don’t care about social appropriateness, and I’m unwilling to do anything that I find tedious or boring. That’s why I’m so good at what I do. It doesn’t matter if a company paid you to move to a new city a week before, bent over backwards to accommodate you when there was an ongoing family emergency, or you’re in the middle of a vital project that dozens of others are counting on. I’ll get a hold of HR, and let them know that you’re not coming back. When you hire Break Time, you’ve hired the best quitters in the business.”

Break Time offers a number of quitting packages for those who are too uncomfortable to end their employment themselves. The most expensive option, with an eyebrow raising price tag of $4500, features Driscol himself Veiling to any location, and personally quitting your job while delivering a custom message to your employer. Why would anyone pay over $4000 just to quit a job you might ask? According to Driscol, “You’d be amazed at what people are willing to pay just to avoid confrontation. I’ve had over 20 clients in our first month alone.”

As you can imagine, news about the unusual service has elicited strong reactions amongst the public and the business community. “Uncle” Ralph Umeke owner of the famous Hula Noodle eatery, has been one of the loudest critics, but not because he fears that one of his employees would use the service. “It’s just lazy, and this generation has gotten lazy enough,” He says.

“A plant that grows without the wind pushing against it, grows thin and weak. The same is true of people. You need to experience resistance and problems in your life to grow, and gain the confidence that you need to handle the unexpected. No matter how much you try to shelter yourself from the ups and downs, life will find a way to get to you. If you don’t know how to dig yourself out of trouble you might get stuck. Eric Oeming is a dear friend of mine, and he has gone through more in the past few months than most will in their lifetime. Do you think he would have had the will to survive and overcome his injuries if he was the kind of person who avoided uncomfortable situations? If you can’t even gather up the emotional wherewithal to quit a job in person, what chance do you have when something serious happens to you. Life can be hard, but it can also be glorious. You need to face the storms head-on to enjoy the beauty of the calm after.”

While Uncle Ralph preaches the value of putting yourself in uncomfortable situations, Driscol says he plans to expand his service to personal relationships, as well as professional ones. “If all goes well, I’d like to expand Break Time into personal relationships as well. Family obligations can be hard and breakups can be even harder. It doesn’t matter if it’s a holiday invitation from your grandmother who endlessly talks about how lonely she is, or a significant other who helped you through a rough patch that you now find annoying. We’ll help you by telling them to take a hike. You’ll be able to sit in comfort while we sever any tie you’ve made. We’ll gladly take the knocks, and see the tears so you don’t have to.”