Maui Police say a woman is facing charges after allegedly poisoning her fellow students, and guests attending a sorority fund raiser on Sunday. Officials say they were called to the University of Maui Lahaina College because 20-year-old Holly Kalili was being accused of poisoning dozens of students and guest attending a charity auction. According to the report, many in attendance became violently ill after consuming food that Holly brought. While a handful are still being treated at the Lahaina Medical Center for high levels of thallium, a heavy metal that has been used as a rat poison and ant killer, many more who consumed the tainted food are feeling fine this morning, and have an unusual theory why. Everyone who suffered no ill effects have one thing in common; they were drinking Manimal.
Police say they found approximately a dozen attendees of the annual Psi Pi Chi charity auction suffering from severe stomach pain and dizziness upon their arrival. The victims claimed that they had started feeling ill after consuming a clam dip that had a very bitter taste. Officers say that several students accused Kalili of putting something in the dip because of an argument between her, and several of her sorority sisters the previous night.
After questioning, Holly admitted that she had put “something” in the dip but claimed she didn’t know exactly what it was. Police say the students had been arguing all week about the InterIsland Preservation and Travel Act (IPTA). The law passed last year, established regulations on the use of Veil transportation to any of the Hawaiian islands and imposed a quota on the number of monthly visitors. According to Psi Pi Chi members, Kalili had been “acting crazy” about the issue all week, and had threatened to “do something” at the event.
While many had eaten the clam dip before the auction, relatively few suffered any symptoms, and most showed no trace of thallium in their systems. Medical officials had no explanation for the vastly different levels of thallium in the victims, but several students claim that they felt better after having a Manimal. They are crediting the energy drink with counteracting the poison, and potentially saving their lives.
Senior Kimberly Hekili says, “I’m still in shock over this whole thing. I knew that Holly wasn’t really Psi Pi Chi material for years now. You can’t think that restricting travel to Maui is acceptable, and still be a good person, but I never thought she’d do something to ruin our biggest fundraiser of the year. What she did was gross! I’m super happy that Bethany got so many cases of Fightberry Punch, it’s not my favorite flavor of Manimal, but it saved us, even if we couldn’t save the auction. It’s now the official energy drink of all Psi Pi Chi events. I just hope Holly can get the help she needs with everything that’s wrong with her now. I mean it’s a really long list, but she should have plenty of time to work on it in prison. We had tried severing ties with her this Fall, but we didn’t quite have the votes then. You can bet that we do now! I just have one thing to say to her, ‘Goodbye, Holly!’”
Health officials say it is unlikely that the energy drink counteracted the thallium, and other factors like: the amount of clam dip consumed, how well the poison was mixed into the food, and individual metabolisms, offer a much better explanation for why some individuals were sicker than others. However, they won’t know for sure until thorough lab work is complete.
Manimal CEO Spencer Kane says that he would not be surprised if his company’s drink saved the day.
“We get so many letters and emails everyday about the amazing things Manimal does for our amazing customers. I wouldn’t be shocked to learn that Manimal has the power to knockout thallium as well as mediocrity. What does surprise me in this case, is just how far college kids can take an argument now. I mean, when I was in college, if you didn’t like someone you just slowly pushed them out of the group. While they were confused and feeling vulnerable, you’d spread rumors and lies about them. If you were really angry, maybe you’d make a fake online profile and catfish them for a month or two. You know, that kind of stuff. We’d never try and poison each other. That is super uncool!”
Holly Hekili was charged with numerous counts of administering a noxious chemical and assault with a weapon. If convicted she faces up to 15 years in prison, and a fine up to $40,000, for each count.
